Do we still have to lean in if Dave Goldberg is dead?
After three days of silence on the cause of death for Dave Goldberg, the New York Times has changed their story in the span of seven hours, some mysterious source said collapsed while exercising. Then a leak to the Associated Press said head trauma. If we were in an Agatha Christie mystery, I’d say heart attack.
But we are in the real world, and I don’t believe any of it.
My uncle committed suicide. His son hid in the closet while my uncle shot himself in the head. His son saw everything.
I didn’t know this until 20 years later. Everyone in my family thought the uncle had a heart attack shoveling snow. Every time my dad went out to shovel snow, my mom would say, “Be careful! I don’t want you to have a heart attack.”
The first thing my brother did when he saw my post about Dave Goldberg killing himself was send a reminder of our uncle. We still can’t believe how long the family thought he died shoveling snow. Family secrets are powerful. And effective.
So it seems pretty easy to me for Dave’s family to tell everyone a lie.
A reporter from CNN called me this morning. He asked me what the motive would be for Sheryl to lie about the cause of death.
Are you kidding me? The fact that CNN can’t dream up a motive really blows my mind.
Sheryl has made her husband, Dave, the role model for the perfect husband. She has said many times that the most important factor in her success was the husband she chose. And as late a week ago, she was saying that men need to do more, they are not doing enough, they need to take more responsibility. And, again, she held up her husband as an example.
It’s hard to be put in the spotlight as the world’s best dad and world’s best husband. Dave had one of the hardest roles in public life to maintain. He was CEO of a company where the investors were dumping stock, and Sheryl made people believe Dave was perfect – a poster boy for the family guy.
So then, I would like to know why was he on vacation in Mexico without Sheryl and without the kids? What was it a vacation from? Who was he with?
Why was Sheryl in DC instead of going to get the body? Why was Sheryl in DC instead of home with her kids? Why does Dave take a vacation when Sheryl is scheduled to be gone?
I wouldn’t ask so many questions except that Sheryl keeps telling me to lean in, but she doesn’t tell me how she does it. I ended up spending my 401K on household help, scaling back my career, and taking my kids on business trips that were magical at first and a bore thereafter.
Sheryl tells me she can lean in because she has a husband who is perfect, but it’s hard to believe because in the time she’s been married to him, he’s gained a lot of weight. And we all know that gaining that much weight is a sign of serious problems.
She tells me she and her husband try to make sure one of them is home with the kids, but it’s not what we have seen in the last five days. She doesn’t tell us if she has nannies. She doesn’t tell us how often she is away from her kids. All she tells us is that leaning in depends on her husband.
So can she lean in now? Can you lean in if you don’t have the perfect husband? What if it’s too late to get the perfect husband? She doesn’t address that, but maybe she will now. I have a feeling that the spokesperson for high-flying careers is going to get a lot more informative and helpful now that she’s a single mom. All the money in the world can’t buy a substitute for a parent showing up to kiss a skinned knee.
But first she needs to stop misleading us. It’s misleading to refuse to talk about how much household help she has. It’s misleading to not talk about what she gives up with her kids, since all decisions in life are about choosing what to give up. It’s misleading to tell us she has a perfect husband and not address the cause of his huge weight gain.
Most of all, it’s misleading to ignore pleas for the cause of death for three days and then come up with something that is pretty difficult to confirm. And I can tell you, coming from a family of people who are misleading, that it’s a way of life once you start.
That doesn’t justify waiting three days to announce cause of death, and it doesn’t justify the misinformation she’s been spreading the last three years to push her own agenda.
That said I’m not sure it matters anymore how Dave died. Maybe he did die of a heart attack. It’s a fine line between a heart attack and a suicide. Heart attack is purely a disease of lifestyle. It is preventable. So Dave Goldberg died from a being totally out of control in his life from stress, or he died from depression that got out of control. Either way, Sheryl and Dave had nowhere near the perfect marriage that we heard about nonstop from Sheryl.
What matters is that we might all get relief from Sheryl painting a picture of the perfect family, refusing to divulge pertinent information about how that family actually works, and shaming everyone who do not lean in the way she does.
Arianna Huffington is on a book tour right now telling women to forget about having it all and instead get some sleep. I have a feeling that Sheryl will be on a book tour in similar fashion. But, like Arianna, Sheryl will have to wait until her kids go to college, because taking care of kids is a lot of work.
I don’t think I would rethink Sheryl Sandberg’s idea based on this random tragedy. The comments on this site & this article make me think of confirmation bias. You see one case and try and tie it back to your theory. But you don’t show the disconfirming evidence: plenty of women are leaning in (think CEOs of Fortune 500 companies) and live the same lives as everyone else who may not want to lean-in. Her advice is solid. IF you would like to advance at work (and it is imperative we have more women in positions of leadership in general), then you need to recognize both institutional and individual factors at play. We can continue to fight to remove institutional barriers while becoming better at managing the individual factors, which is what her book is about. Obviously her advice is not for everyone, just like a book on real-estate investing is not for me. Obviously her book focuses on individual factors just like a book on fishing focuses on fishing and not on arranging your closets. She is transparent about it. Her “don’t leave before you leave” is the one of the single most valuable pieces of career advice I have heard. It works for me, it may not work for everyone.
such a sad, vicious response…revoking my penelope trunk participation effective today.
Penelope,
I understand that you don’t agree with the way Sheryl Sandberg lives her life, attempts to encourage others, or speaks of the way her husband has supported her, but what you have done in your last two blog posts is cold.
I don’t believe any one of us are entitled to know his cause of death. If it IS suicide, as you have taken it upon yourself to deduce, it’s something that the family has the right to deal with privately.
Your use of Dave Goldberg’s death to push your own agenda is cruel and, I believe, shows a lack of ethics.
You’ve earned yourself an unfollow and a negative review. Best of luck.
My guess is that Dave Goldberg is everything heroic that’s been ascribed to him. He was a great man, husband and father. When it comes to meeting his most private and personal needs, alas he’s a mere civilian, as we all are. The story line of his tragic death has never made sense and is unraveling by the hour. The reason his wife and her communications team have acted as they have is because they are watching to see if she’ll be forced to reveal things they don’t want reveal. I wish they could say he was a hero who had a private life that we chose to not talk about publicly. Everything we wanted you to know about him was discussed in the book. That’s as public as we want to be, and now, for our family’s sake, we want the circumstances of his death to stay as private as possible.
I never comment on blog posts but felt compelled to do so to let you know I’ve read and enjoyed your blog for years but will no longer follow your writing. I usually find your unique view on women’s careers interesting and refreshing. These two spiteful posts are in such bad taste I can no longer put any value in your words. I hope the negative backlash causes you to consider that not all your terrible innermost thoughts need to be broadcast to the world.
It’s rather funny, this is my first time exposure to this blog and my reaction to the clearly speculative nature of it is very much parallels your view(that it stems from something spiteful because only someone whose pettiness has got the best of them would be reduced to writing such rubble).
I enjoyed “Lean In” just like I enjoy GOOP because I appreciate works that are inspirational and aspirational. I distinguish between a personal diary and something intended to be consumed by the public; I don’t internalize it. And I resent that those mired in mediocrity should dictate which fashion is unrealistically expensive or which diets are too exotic or difficult. “Lean In” was meant to be inspirational and not a step-by-step recipe for everyday people.
I agree with PT. She did say she was sad about the death. But she is pointing out the lean in farce continues even in death. PT lives the life of someone who leans in to her values and that is her children and family. This comes with sacrifice of career, and you can’t have it both ways. Sandberg has made a farce of this issue by claiming she’s doing both with the limited amount of time. Sandberg juggles a much demand job, and her many travels and public outreach programs. How the fuck does she have time to be a proper mom? I can’t imagine they don’t have nannies and relatives running around with their billions of $. How close were they on vacation to not even realize that her husband was missing between 4 and 7:30PM…a long time for exercise. The whole lean in propaganda is great for women to empower themselves, but to say that you can have it all and to put a man against his own nature as a domestic miracle worker and wage earner-that’s bullshit in the real world.
They weren’t on vacation together.
Sheryl was in DC.
The Kids were in California.
Dave was in Mexico.
They have made great efforts to minimize this as well as any details around his death. The tech community are not idiots- I’m sure they are aware that it is a farce, but it would get too complicated for anyone’s lives to question it. Head down, keep going.
Really no one has talked about anything. Look around online, only P is saying what a lot of people are thinking …..(seriously what kind of spectacle was that funeral? Bono singing?! The POTUS releasing a statement?!?!?)
sheesh.
Can you share your sources about where everyone was? Thanks I agree it is a farce and reprehensible how everyone just goes along.
You nailed it. It seems so obvious. Wonder why so many people are ignorant about all this?
Don’t have kids if you don’t want to see them. That seems so obvious too.
The official story may be crap, the real facts may be exactly as you outline them, but your tone is wrong. You sound like this is your chance to get even with Sheryl Sandberg. You sound smug and self-satisfied and rather vindictive. You can be honest and still take a higher road than you have.
Wow! I’m surprised at all the crazy drama around these two posts. I don’t think anyone being critical of his death are not being unkind to Sheryl herself as a person, but to the brand she seems to want to protect. I already was questioning the facts around her husband’s death when I saw these blog posts and I think there is possibly some truth in them. I’ve never read the book, but I do think it’s difficult to understand how to “lean in” without understanding the tools how to get there. We need to do more: teach our daughters how to be strong women and that it takes a lot to juggle life, family and work. Sometimes things do take a back seat for other priorities. Teach our sons how to be strong men and be supportive of all their family, but it’s important for women to be supportive of their family as well. I for one, admit things like I had help going back to work after having twins. I had a sister-in-law come and live with us to be our help with the boys during the day. She was the only way I could have done that. My husband is helpful and I think he’s the perfect husband. That said he is not perfect and neither am I. We support each other and care about the quality of our life over the dollars in our checkbook (although we’re happy to have some of those too!). People need to understand there are many different views of success. Sheryl’s also seems to be more about working in a large corporation, whereas, my husband and I are both working on working for ourselves.
Read the book first, then comment
Why read the book when there is a whole organization around the idea? Just click a few links.
First off, she doesn’t address in the book that her and her husbands’ parents take care of their kids for them.
I think if she wrote a book about multi-generational parenting + driven members = career success it would have been vastly more interesting and maybe changed some other’s family dynamics along the way. They could point to a book that is real honest about having a healthy family, shared parenting (no need to clean house or do errands with their income), not a book about a family that seems to *have it all* while crediting the mom in the process as she preaches to other moms to ‘lean in’.
You don’t understand how brainwashed some women I have met (who don’t have kids **yet) preach her message. It’s gob-smacking.
Yes, an early death is tragic in every way … but why is everyone holding this couple in such high regard? Both of them spent their lives chasing the almighty dollar (primarily through consumer exploitation in my book). I’m not against that personally, but it’s clearly nothing but self-centered. As for being a great father, over 95% of the dads I know are great fathers. As they should be. So what!? These were HIS kids. For those of you who say he was a great man and a hero, I think your standards are too broad. It’s sad but not worthy of all the press.
And who posting here is holding this couple in such “high regard” as you seem to insinuate? I for one haven’t but what if I did? Does THAT then make me self-centered as you accuse them of being? Can you point to some noteworthy accomplishment that DIDN’T make you appear “self centered”? Or are you just plain ‘ol self centered because you think your needs trump anyone else’s?(I’d bet the latter even without knowing you).
See? Comments like this sound unhinged. Just listen to yourself. The amount of emotional investment people have in this couple is incredible. The death is sad, but why are they entirely above scrutiny?
I wonder who benefits from David being dead. I wonder who is investigating that angle.
Pretty surprising to see all the people flipping out about these last two posts. Sure it is sad when anyone dies. But anyone who knows and cares about Sheryl et all will be grieving WITH them and not trolling blogs.
Penelope Trunk is either hopelessly jealous of Sheryl Sandberg or she wrote this post just to get traffic to her website or both. I wonder what level of “career advice” anyone who is so mean and spiteful could give. Between taking advice from her or from Sandberg, I would chose Sandberg every time.
The difference is Sheryl would lie to you and you’d be fine with it because it’s what you want to hear.
It wasn’t brave. It was childish, reckless, and dumb. It wasn’t investigated, had no bearing in reality, and was not educational.
Don’t let the morons praising your idiocy cause you to think these posts are anything other than they are: Spiteful schadenfreude over a tragic loss. It’s truly transparent to anyone not on the autism spectrum, or anyone not a dithering moron. You’ve lost a lot of goodwill and your audience will be much worse because of it.
I live in Mexico and there is a saying down here: “With money, anything is possible.” With a billion dollars to pay for a cover up, we will never know what happened.
Could not agree more, I lived there many years and the police will say and do what you want them to do as long as they get paid
RIP David Goldberg
Sheryl Sandberg believed David was the role model for her perfect husband; for someone who would share responsibilities of child care. The perfect role model will be different for everyone. Not all of us will climb the corporate ladder or have a desire to do so. Sheryl’s point in “Leaning In” is that your most important career decision is who you marry. It is best to choose wisely, as she did, with long term goals in mind. Who do you want to be with you on your path and at the end of your life? I think David and Sheryl were soul mates.
I agree that who you marry is important, but who wouldn’t agree with that?
The premise that you need to marry someone for your ‘careers’ sake is kind of sad.
The person you marry – if you do marry – is a huge factor in your future.
What is their attitude to money? Kids? Work? Are they compatible with yours? If they are not, you will struggle. This will detract from your future, both financial, career-wise, and your mental health.
If you choose badly, you will lose out financially if you divorce, your children will not receive parenting with consistent values, and for women, it affects our life expectancy (women in bad marriages die younger than unmarried women).
My point is her message isn’t about “Marrying to get a career” but rather “If you choose to marry, s/he will affect your career”.
Sure, let’s go with that premise-
“who you marry is important for your career”
Well, from Sheryl’s real life situation it isn’t who she married (maybe he is more understanding of her insane hours than the regular guy) it’s who his or her parents are.
Their parents take care of the kids. This is how she knew she’d make it work with a career and family.
So I’d say it’s more important to understand the family dynamics and have an understanding with relatives that they will be watching the kids.
Her marriage contract wasn’t with 1 person, it was with several people. She should highlight that more.
I personally like Diane Von Furstenburg’s book and mantra more, if we want to look at someone empowering themselves (and maybe providing a bit of inspiration). She makes no qualms about her mother and her mother-in-law taking the kids for months at a time.
Penelope-I’ve been reading your blog, on and off, when I take a few moments for myself, for several years now.
You never cease to, at the very least, entertain me. I love your straight forward, free-thinking method of expressing yourself.
It’s interesting to me that so many people immediately jump to ripping you apart for thinking outside the tidy little box expected from society. You say it how you see it. And you make no excuses. I like that about you. You’re honest about how you feel and you reach beyond the veil of what’s accepted and pull back what is, most often, the truth-if not a well thought out conclusion.
Keep up the great work! It’s brilliant!
I am speculating:
It could be that he was murdered. They are billionaires and might have had blackmails, threats, ransoms being asked (maybe they refused to pay the ransom, and he got murdered as a result?). I am only speculating – to me, the suicide theory does not seem feasible because they looked happy. And the theory of falling off the treadmill and not being discovered for hours also is not feasible. So, it could be that Sheryl also felt that she was in danger and left the country and returned to the kids in the US in order to ensure that they were safe? I believe that could be the reason that they are keeping everything low key (vague references to “family” on vacation without mentioning who constituted the “family” and being “abroad” without mentioning country etc.). Maybe, they had the FBI or someone very high up in security telling them to keep the details hushed up in order to follow the trail of the culprits.
I’m floored that, after being caught out by blatantly wrong speculation, you would double down with more wild theories. Sure, I know people who have committed suicide, but also as many people who have died in freak accidents (including a slip and fall fatal head injury). It is possible.
Good luck in libel court.
She would enjoy it. Hell, she’d be thrilled with all that media attention. Plus she’s broke and therefore judgement-proof.
Seems to me that all this speculation is pointless. The “lean in” philosophy should stand or fall on its own merit, which can’t be based on whether one of the spouses dies–by whatever means. It doesn’t take super-human earning and parenting efforts to kill a person prematurely; neither does dad’s 9-5 and mom’s staying at home guarantee a happy family. Sandberg seems to “want it all” while ignoring the obvious: she can’t have it all concurrently. If dad is working full time (rich or poor or in between), and mom is working full time, then the kids are going to suffer. No rocket science called for here. The kids didn’t ask to be born; their parents owe them real attention, real time, real, hands-on loving and caring–not just during pre-appointed times while they’re preoccupied with the next meeting, the next earnings report, the next big hire, etc. Putting the kids’ welfare a distant second (or third or fourth) after the selfish, self-absorbed, self-involved parents’ ego-driven success may turn the kidlets into young executives, but it won’t likely turn out happy children/adults. No one at your funeral will extoll you for having put in mega hours at the office. . . .
While we’re on the conspiracy/speculation route, why come has no one suggested the obvious tie-in w/Harry Reid? Whatever happened to him, being hit in the face with a slipped belt is highly unlikely, given the various injuries to several different parts of his body. It seems obvious that someone(s) beat the daylights out of him, even forcing the putz to retire. So my spec goes like this: The high-and-mighty Goldberg/Sandberg, Inc. p.r. dept. realizes that, incredibly, the leftist, compliant media made no effort to expose the ridiculousness of the Reid story, and they assume the leftist, compliant, wowed-by-riches-and-power media will once again not do their job to investigate Mr. Goldberg’s death. Got an untidy death to explain? Blame it on the exercise equipment! Brilliant!
Penelope –
I really do normally love your blog – really. I think your writing and overall thought process is great. The last two posts have been horrifying.
YES!
Penelope, I know you read these, so I’ll be direct: I’ve been following the comments on this and spending way, way too much time on it, and I think it’s because after I began to understand how you think, I began to find your blog interesting, informative, deeply honest and fun to read. I’ve recommended it to others, and I’ve even contemplated taking one of your courses. I appreciate your honesty and your insecurity, and can even relate to it.
But now I’m not sure if you’re just insecure with a tinge of Aspergers or if it’s something deeper, like antisocial personality disorder. You’ve come clean about emotionally abusing your husband… now you’re basically using your blog as a platform to wield that emotional abuse towards others, and giving others an opportunity to do the same.
From my perspective, these posts taint your reputation and your business–it makes your advice about personality types, about careers, about how to live a good life highly suspect. Where I once would have paid $200 to hear what you have to say, now I certainly won’t. Maybe you intended to crash and burn. Maybe you just thought you’d get your ad revenue up with this post and spin your blog into something that conspiracy theorists and trolls would love. Or maybe you thought this would keep you interesting and relevant. I’ll admit- I’ll probably keep reading, in the way that everyone loves a good train wreck. But I’ve lost any respect for your “advice at the intersection of work and life” and will now only be reading the way I read the tabloids at the supermarket.
It’s not that I don’t find Sheryl Sandberg’s message to women obnoxious; it’s not that I disagree with your premise that for most of us, leaning in is harder than she makes it seem.
I get it- you’ve done everything that she’s suggested and it hasn’t worked out the way you intended. But Sheryl got lucky– she’s an exception to the rule. You had a moment of fame- you were one of the flash in the pans of the internet era. I’m sure that’s really hard to acknowledge. It’s probably hard to acknowledge that you should have gone to Guy Kawaski’s damn meeting on the USSNimitz instead of Brews and whatever with the farmer. Honestly,
I think you should keep blogging, and give up Quistic. You know there’s no recipe for success, but from an outsider’s perspective, it seems like you are trying to maintain a foothold in the high powered world of startups (and spending way, way, too much doing it with all that household help) while living a radically different life. Blog and be a farmer’s wife. You made that choice five years ago, now live it.
you are a heartless, detached, uniformed troll of the worst kind.
A “uniformed troll”? Just what would she be wearing?
You are a mean spirited, evil woman. Don’t hide behind your Asperger’s. There is no reason for you to go after this man’s family and add to their sadness. Crawl back into your Wisconsin wormhole.
Stop insulting Penelope for trying to start a discussion on an issue that concerns us all. Why all? Because Sandberg and Goldberg inserted themselves into MY life and others by telling us how to live, how to manage career and family and so on. I suggest you stop insulting and start reading the news more, and find the inconsistencies in their stories. Besides, the media has now said the hotel where they said Goldberg had the gym accident, DENIES he was a guest there!
And how, pray tell, did Sheryl and Dave insert themselves into YOUR life? Have you no boundaries or ability to filter information, ideas and life advice from others?
Wait – in what way did they insert themselves into your life? No one FORCED you to to read her book, or listen to her advice. I’m not a fan of her book, but I also never thought it was a manual that I was forced to follow at gunpoint.
Well said, Charley. Couldn’t have said it better.
Penelope;
I have so much admiration for you. You refocused the importance of this tragedy for me and I suspect for many others. This took courage .
Richard
There is no longer speculation. A smart, good hearted leader of industry died due to a tragic accident. It’s out there in plain black and white – full disclosure. All of you who listen to this awful human being as if she is some authority on anything other than living on a farm and home schooling her children are truly wasting your time. Penelope Trunk cares about one person and one person only – herself. If she gave a shit about helping her readers she would write a piece about how to safely use workout equipment including not pushing yourself too hard and always having a buddy/spotter with you in case of an accident. Accusing someone of committing suicide without any evidence and then continuing to defend the accusations of suicide after the truth comes out is reprehensible.
Great post Penelope!
Blogs are written to stimulate thought and discussion; well done, number of us have strongly replied and shared our opinions.
My two cents is this, though I have not read Lean In; in this case the argument to Lean In sounds all too familiar to what our culture does by keeping up with the Jones. Sure looks pretty on the outside doesn’t it, shhh, just don’t open the closet.
Want to Lean In, then start by taking care of yourself, make your health a priority, trickle down economics don’t work, but Trickle Down Health does.
Cause of death: I don’t know about you, BUT, if I’m in Mexico on holiday, last thing I’m doing is spending time on a treadmill, what’s up with that? Duh, walk on the beach. Get in the water, boogy board, snokel. Obviously money was not an issue for this family, can buy yourself an amazing side trip to get some exercise while enjoying the seascape. BIG ISSUES HERE, Lean In is like turning your head and cough!
So true, I do not have the money Sandberg has but when we went to Puerto Vallarta, we stayed at the Four Seasons (that is how I know there is an attendant at the gym), and we bought a trip where we went on a boat, rode horses and walked a lot, so yes, they could have done that too…but wait, the hotel where Goldberg supposedly had the gym accident (Four Seasons) denies he was their guest!
what happens next is Penelope ‘apologises’ for her posts because it’s was her Aspergers talking. Wait for it. It’s coming.
Apologize for what? For telling the truth? That the cause of death given does not make sense? They now claim that Goldberg went to the gym of the Four Seasons Hotel in Vallarta at 4 pm on friday, that he fell off t he treadmill and had head injury and blood loss, and that he was not found until hours later (around 7 pm) by his brother? And the hotel btw denies Goldber was a guest there! No, the truth has not been told and Penelope is just pointing that out.
Other readers of this blog have explained why this is the case– the Four Seasons is a large complex with properties not directly managed by the hotel– villas and such. There are several private gyms associated with these properties. So many conspiracy-theory oriented folks on this blog!
Read the CNN article posted today about Obama leaving a comment about Goldber’s death. In that article, it says that Four Seasons denies Goldberg being a guest in ANY of its facilities (hotels, villas, etc)
Sandberg said the most important decision in a woman’s career was the chosen partner. Well, that I always thought was nonsense! I always wondered about what would happen then if the partner died, given that he was the most important career decision. What would happen then to the woman’s career or life at home without the partner, without being able to lean in? Well, maybe Sandberg will now address that issue? Or maybe not? It sure looks like they are trying hard to hide the real cause of death, they are not even addressing the fact that the hotel where they claim Dave Goldberg had the gym accident, is denying he was a guest there!
It’s called privacy, Ms. Smith. The hotel is not obligated to share any information about guests staying at the hotel. find something better to do with your life than revel in the misfortune of others. Where he stayed and who he was with no more your fucking business than it is mine.
Gern, The Four Seasons isn’t obligated to release any information about their guests except that THEY DID to say they were not guests. If you are so disgusted by these comments, then why in the hell are you reading them??? X out!
Your mind runs wild with half baked assumptions/speculations because, let’s face it, what else do you have to entertain yourself with?
I can’t wait to see what her kids do in their twenties. This is about as quietly compassionate as it comes.
Penelope’s speculation is sickening. Here’s her logic: leaning in too much–>ate too much—>had heart attack = suicide. Really she’s just reaching for something/anything since she knows she’s WRONG about her original suicide theory.
Some of the information surrounding the cause of death released early was simply wrong. That happens when the media is scrambling to be the first to get the juicy details. It did not happen at the Four Seasons. There are several private villas NEAR the Four Seasons. He was on a treadmill in a private suite. Remember how much money this family has? They could afford a huge villa with a separate suite dedicated as a gym. It was a private villa with a private gym and there are not attendants in private gyms.
Whether or not you believe in “leaning in” is a separate issue. And to believe that the Mexican official was paid off for this story? There were too many witnesses at the scene, the ambulance on the way to the hospital and at the hospital for that to fly.
Dave Goldberg was an incredible person who cared most about the well being of his children. Let’s honor that by not posting hurtful sick lies.
What I find so striking about all the comments attacking Penelope are all about Penelope’s personal life, and NOTHING about the ideas she is bringing forth. Look, if Sheryl’s husband committed suicide, or was just actually “vacationing” in Mexico (with a girlfriend? hooker?) without Sheryl or the kids … it would be very weird and hard to explain and still keep their public image straight, right? If it was a heart attack, why not just say that on Day 1? SurveyMonkey was in trouble, and it’s image would be further endangered if it’s CEO committed suicide or had marriage problems (if the CEO was either mentally ill or a complete liar about his personal life, investors would freak). Sheryl’s professional and personal legacy (“I could be COO of Facebook, and (!) be a parent, and (!) have a fantastic marriage, all at the same time — so can you!”) are on the line. I’m convinced that the comments attacking Penelope come from one or all of the following camps: 1) Sheryl’s book publicist (will harm her book sales for current books an any subsequent books she might pen) 2) Sheryl’s personal publicists 3) Sheryl’s agent’s publicists (affect Sheryl’s speaking fees, Sheryl’s personal legacy), 3) Sheryl’s foundation 4) SurveyMonkey 5) Dave’s family has hired people to preserve his legacy (which they benefit from, by association).
Penelope, this may be one of your stories where people look back, and say, “Holy Shit! Penelope was right!!” But that won’t be new for you. It must be hard to read comments from haters attacking you personally. Don’t pay them any mind. It’s their job, and they’re being paid to be trolls. Truth-seeking is always beautiful and always appropriate.
Yes, all the criticisms are either: 1) Penelope is horrible because of x, y, or z, 2) it’s too soon, 3) it’s just for publicity, 4) I am appalled she would criticize such a good person, 5) this couple is sacred, or a very thin explanation of what might have happened at the gym.
Could any of the critics please address:
Sheryl’s whereabouts during the death
Why the story is written to make it appear Dave was with her and the kids when his brother is the only family confirmed present
Why there appears to be an Internet blackout on anything critical of the official story
Agreed on all points. Clearly Sheryl was not with him so why make it seem like she was? And the news black out is truly frightening. We should all be concerned about that and the control these social media tech execs have over us (eg facebook secret experiments) and their own reputations. It is unprecedented and certainly deserves our attention.
I feel much safer knowing we’ve got a real truth teller in Penelope, sitting in her farm house, speaking the truth. Because everyone knows that someone sitting on the internet has access to the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. She’s the only truth teller in this whole world. So brave. So willing to stand up to political correctness. Yes, she is the one. The only. Truth teller. I bow down before her. In the center of my home I now keep an altar to worship her almighty truthiness.
Oh, no! You mean I’ve been misled all those years? I thought Obama, The Transparent One, was The One, The Only, Truthteller. I’m pissed! They sold me a bill of goods! Thanks for the late enlightenment, anyway. . . .
It’s valid question: where and how exactly did David Goldberg die? The whole world is pretending the fact and not forthcoming.
Way to try and grab some attention Penny. A true Machiavellian you are indeed.
Trying to Lean Out, Mr. Lean in checked out.
RIP to the dearly departed.
You people are outrageous. You’re right, because a Mexican hotel is denying a fatal accident happened on their property, it CLEARLY must be a coverup and not at all an attempt to make sure they won’t be liable for any damages or lawsuits that could arise. Get your heads out of your asses and let this poor woman, an incredible wife and mother btw, grieve in peace. What happened to Dave is a tragic accident and you are just adding insult to injury. You people should be ashamed of yourselves.
it’s not some sketchy hotel,
It’s the Four Seasons.
The villa was probably booked under his brother’s name, therefore they aren’t lying, just doing everything they can to absolve themselves of any liability.
Doesn’t work that way.
Even if he wasn’t on the official room booking, he would still be a guest in the hotel.
Kind of like if my room is booked under my husband’s name and we are there, and I died. The hotel wouldn’t say I wasn’t a guest there.
Surely if he died at ANY of the Four Seasons gyms it would be evident by the pool of blood on the floor. The Four Seasons was clear, He wasn’t at their facilities.
I agree that the Goldberg death story is suspicious. The Four Seasons said he wasn’t a guest there. It’s a coverup because the truth is embarrassing. He was married to an influential and very busy woman. It could be a case of auto-erotic asphyxiation much like David Carradine and maybe Robin Williams. Busy wife, feels neglected, lonely and frisky and he regresses to a game played before. Worth considering until the family gets honest. It’s Mexico so we may never hear the truth.
Here is the official statement from Four Seasons on their website :
http://press.fourseasons.com/puntamita/hotel-news/2015/media-statement/
So definitely something is fishy about this and it smells like a cover-up. For a public figure like Sandberg, marketing her ‘picture perfect’ role model as a product, the public deserves to know the true facts.
quoted : “We are deeply saddened by the news of the death of David Goldberg. Our sympathy goes to his family and friends who have suffered this tragic loss.
Four Seasons would like to clarify that, contrary to some media reports, the tragedy did not take place at Four Seasons Resort Punta Mita. Mr. Goldberg was not a registered guest at our resort, villas or residences.
As the tragedy did not take place on our property, nor was Mr. Goldberg a guest, we are not in a position to comment further. Again, our condolences to Mr. Goldberg’s family and friends. Our thoughts are with them at this difficult time.”
Oh, c’mon, that’s sheer nonsense. If in fact it was “auto asphyxiation” like the death of David Carradine it most certainly wouldn’t be on a treadmill. It would be in a private room and he very likely would’ve had a troubled past as Carradine did.
But like,
That’s what people are speculating- we wasn’t on a treadmill in the first place.
Wow….Seems like money can buy almost anything these days:
http://press.fourseasons.com/puntamita/hotel-news/2015/media-statement/
Regardless of the views about Sheryl Sandburg’s mantra I think this author is extremely tackless in the way she chooses to speculate and throw salt in the very open wound after a tragic death. It is evident, as she admits, that she has never experienced a close death in the family and perhaps she should step back and have some empathy instead of speculating on the state of their marriage, cause of death, or “calling” someone out. No one, no marriage, no child, NOBODY is perfect, but that doesn’t mean that they are not affected by the tragedies of life. Sit down and go hug your loved ones Penelope and let Sheryl do the same with hers.
She may be tactless or inappropriate, but that does not change the facts. What happened?
Your posts on Dave Goldberg’s death are in poor taste. You are not brave by writing these posts, you have shown very little sensitivity and empathy for what his family is going through.
Is it so terrible that Sheryl Sandberg has what she considered a very supportive spouse and a ‘good’ career? What is so bad about her writing about that, and encouraging others through her story?
I for one don’t have any strong feelings about her book. But I think it is really sad that you chose to kick her while she is down. Women, we are our own worst enemy.
The truth about marriage is that one spouse will surely die before the other. I hope that if it is the case that your spouse should pass before you do, that people are more gracious and kind to you in a way that you have not been to Sheryl.
Be kind to people Penelope.
To a point you made in your original post, if you really were concerned about the families and friends of the deceased, you wouldn’t have made that kind of idle speculation about a death like that, in such a public way, when you obviously had no information about the cause of death.
Since I never heard of you before today, I assume that you saw this as a way to get a few minutes of publicity.
That aside, I am curious if you think that it is the Asperger’s Syndrome, that clearly can leave one with the lack of an “internal editor,” that left you inclined to make such a mindbogglingly inappropriate post?
ALSO, by saying that the New York Times changed its story, you are deflecting blame for your own incompetence.
Do career counselors really recommend that people not take responsibility for their own mistakes?
Just saw that the New York Times added a correction/clarification, specifying that Goldberg was at a private villa near the Four Seasons at the time of his death, but was not in a Four Seasons resort property at all. OK? Reporting is an imperfect science, but I think it’s best in these situations not to jump to unfounded conclusions. If a Mexican official (yes, there are many, many reliable and professional ones) says he died after a fall from a treadmill and lay undiscovered for hours, and the resort manager says he wasn’t a guest, the best leap isn’t “LIES! COVERUP!” It’s more like, “Hmm, guess the treadmill wasn’t at the resort, then.”
Feel free to move on to conspiracy theories about the death of food writer Josh Ozersky, who was also 47. Sure, he was known to be in ill health, but Sheryl Sandberg probably had him killed to deflect attention, right?
PT, you make a number of exaggerated claims:
1) you take your uncle’s example, that 1 case-study example, and you use that singular example to make a larger claim: all families have secrets and can leave them buried. Because your family found it easy to hide such a shameful (suicide) incident, you suddenly think that this translates to DG’s family. And by extension, other families. That is very poor reasoning, and of course, a very poor sample size. Small sample sizes lead to gross exaggerations.
2) you state that CNN can not think of a motive. But it is a single reporter, not CNN, who did not present the motive. Sure that reporter might work for CNN, but your claim here is way inflated and over-encompassing.
3) you then speculate the root cause of DG’s heart attack. Stress / Depression. I mean, are you nuts? Are you an MD? Those are the only 2 causes you can muster? Maybe he had a genetic disposition. Maybe he had consumed high amounts of bad lipids. Maybe this, maybe that. But how can you jump and come to those 2 conclusions?
Interesting.
I would like to know: 1. which machine is was he using, and was it because of the machine? Should the company that owns the machine be sued? 2. is the exact cause of death head trauma, or exhaustion? did he die from internal or external bleeding? 3. did his doctor give any warnings about excessive exercise/cholesterol/diet etc? 4. “Died suddenly” usually refers to a drug overdose. was he taking drugs/medication? who prescribed it?
‘Died suddenly’ doesn’t even add up in the accounts.
-One was that he died suddenly on the floor after hitting his head.
-Another was that he died on the floor hours after hitting his head
-And another was that his brother got to him while he was alive and he was alive but later died at the hospital.
you realize that “died suddenly” does not refer to the time it took between injury and certified death? But refers to the unexpected nature of someone dying?
The First Rule of Holes is: When you’re in one, stop digging.
Penelope has said exactly what many people are thinking. For such a public couple the news of Goldberg’s death has been pretty sketchy. It leaves people to fill in the blanks.
I’ve been very irritated with the “Lean in” nonsense from the beginning, which arrogantly assumes all women have the advantages Sheryl started with. It is pure fiction, and I’m glad P is pointing it out.
Congratulations to P for her honesty.
not really honesty – just another opinion dressed up as the one and only truth.
You should be ashamed of yourself. That’s all I have to say Penelope.
Penelope’s on to something. I’m with her on this.
not really sure what bothers me more about this. Her ignorance about Heart Disease, and her extreme bitterness. She’s made no bones about being in a SUPER abusive Marriage. Maybe this is just coming from resentment?
I hope she sues your tail off because your own ridiculous rationalizations for why you should be allowed to invent and spread rumours is so impressively devoid of ethics and integrity, I am saddened that anyone would pay an ounce of attention to anything you say. Nothing worse than someone making a mess of someone else’s misfortune. If I ever hear of anyone reading anything you say EVER, I am going to unload on them.
There’s an awful lot of conjecture about David’s death based on nothing other than Penelope’s unproven speculation and certainly projection(the latter because of her uncle’s death and therefore her subsequent opinion that that had to then explain the untimely death). There’s simply too much unknown to postulate a DEFINITE cause of death because there isn’t that much known to begin with. This of course includes the completely unsubstantiated notion that David’s weight gain is relevant in all this, and specifically because of its connection to his then having a heart attack. Yes, but its then the height of being presumptuous that we now have the definitive explanation for his death.
If Penelope were to instead offer a *possible” scenario where Dave just overexerted himself on the treadmill and *conceivably* because he had an unknown cardiovascular condition(i.e., high blood pressure) collapsed from this AND in the fall suffered a fatal head injury THAT would be much more credible than the baseless assumptions put forward in her article.