If you ask the Farmer, he would tell you that I was really really nice to him last week while he was in bed, immobile, strung out on six Percocet a day. I made him pies, and French toast, and meat at every meal because there is no amount of Percocet that would make him not want to eat meat.

I watched gunslinger movies with him when he was groggy and I made sure to talk only about innocuous topics like the state of world politics, something that we’d never fight about.

I can’t tell you everything went smoothly. I forgot to let the chickens out a few days. I lost the new bag of Cat Chow and served ground beef for two days of heaven on earth for the cats. And, there were a few times the goats got into the house. But we figured out how to handle everything.

Until the Farmer felt better: His back didn’t hurt so he wanted to work. So, he just stopped taking the Percocet. Cold turkey. And because we live in the country, the doctor gave the Farmer sixty Percocet pills with no instructions for how to go off narcotics.

For those of you who know nothing about Percocet, first of all, if you ever get that many pills prescribed, sell them on the streets of New York City to fund your child’s education. That’s how hard they are to come by.

And there’s a reason: They are highly addictive. I’m linking to some stuff about getting off high dosages of Percocet, but I’m summarizing: You can’t go cold turkey. You have to go slowly or you make yourself crazy.

So the Farmer was crazy and I had to have a drug intervention to tell him he was a total jerk and having withdrawal and he couldn’t tell and he needed to do it more systematically.

I convinced him. But he is not a guy who lays in bed all day. And he had already done it for five days. He wanted to work. On Percocet. I told him we agreed no machinery on Percocet. He told me how it’s not fair that I want him to taper and I want him to not work.

Then we have a screaming match about how life is not fair. That is the first topic. Which slides into:

Me: Don’t scream at me—

The Farmer: No you’re screaming at me—

No. Fuck you.

I told you I don’t like swearing.

I told you I don’t like you being mean.

This did not happen. I mean it did. It has happened so many times that it’s like the bass beat in the background of our everyday life.

So we did that and then he told me he had to work. It was a work emergency.

Here’s what he said: “I have to check cows.”

You might think I know nothing about farming, but I have actually learned a lot precisely for figuring out if the Farmer is BSing me or not.

Me: Your dad can check them.

The Farmer: I don’t want to call him. It’s a masculinity thing.

I swear to God. He said this.

Then he told me he had to be off Percocet on Monday because he’s shipping hogs and cattle.

This is farmer-speak for putting them in a truck and sending them to the butcher to be killed.

I tell him he can taper off the Percocet like he is supposed to, and his parents can ship pigs and cows.

Then we have a huge fight. About what really needs to happen: how his parents don’t need him to ship the cows and pigs.

He says he wants to be in charge of it.

I tell him he’s 40 and he’s too old to show up at work just to make sure people know he’s in charge.

So he has to tell me that I make his life hell.

Now that I’ve been with him three years, I know this is his way of telling me he doesn’t want to talk.

When I tell you what I did next, you will think I’m a bitch. But so what? I’m going to tell you anyway. I told him he had to talk to me all day. I told him I was going to follow him around the farm nonstop, how I would even drive off-road to check the cows in the forest.

So he says, “Don’t threaten me.”

I say, “I am telling you what I need. I need you to talk with me.”

“All day?”

“Yes. All day.”

“It’s past my comfort zone.”

“Talking to me for one second is past your comfort zone.”

He laughs. He says, “Fine.”

We are talking. He wants to wander… past the corn…past the hay…through the vegetable garden…

We talk about nothing. I bitch to him about how he’s dishonest to himself about the farm, and he says things like, “Okay, you win. I’m not as honest as you.” Or, “You’re right, I’m never going to be able to make you happy.”

These are ways to avoid having to have a conversation with me, so I don’t relent. I know he’s exhausted from talking, but look, you have to trust me on this that he has to talk for two hours before he actually says anything besides how he would rather be single than have a hard conversation.

I tell him that the real reason he’s trying to kick the Percocet so fast is because he’s scared his parents don’t need him. He wants to be needed.

Then I tell him, “Look, your parents just wrote you out of their will. They obviously don’t think they need you.”

This hits hard. Though not as hard as it’s hitting you now, when you read it, because I’ve said this to the Farmer a lot of times. Ever since the parents wrote him out of the will.

The next part of the conversation is deleted. I had to—the Farmer was too upset. But here is some background material so you can follow along.

As you know, from my Thanksgiving Drama post, the Farmer has three sisters, all of whom have kids. I am not allowed to tell you who the Farmer’s parents are giving the farm to. We have to keep that a secret. You might know from the post about why I do not do family secrets that keeping another family secret is eventually going to make me physically ill. I am positive that keeping family secrets only serves to protect people who treat family members like shit.

(That is the end of the deleted, secret part. The good news about me having to write about the deletion is that I got to link to two of the most popular posts on the blog. Maybe you missed them. They are good to read.)

So, suffice it to say that the farmer asked his parents why they aren’t leaving any of the land to his children, and his parents said that they are not his real children.

I think the farmer is devastated and he needs to stop farming with them because he’s devastated.

He tells me he is not devastated and he is happy farming with them.

I tell him he’s lying to himself and he’s taking it out on me, like when he tells me I am unreasonable about Percocet and he has to ship hogs. It’s really not that I’m reasonable but that he’s scared to miss a day of shipping hogs and won’t admit it.

I don’t care specifically about the farm. I mean, I didn’t grow up expecting I’d have farm land. But I do care about feeling like the Farmer is losing his self-respect over this and taking it out on me.

Okay. So I refuse to let the Farmer stop talking.

He says he’ll talk if we can go somewhere comfortable.

We can’t go in the house. My ex is there with the kids. We do our best fighting when my ex is distracting the kids.

The Farmer wants to go to the pig building.

The pig building: I tried to get him to throw out his gross furniture that he had had since college and he couldn’t do it, so he put it in the pig building.

Now he wants to sit on his sofa. There are two. I sit across from him.

He has nothing to say, of course. This is how a Farmer talks to his wife. By saying nothing. So I look around. My son’s 4H pig project pigs are in the building, so by pig farm standards, the place is clean.

Where we are sitting looks kind of like an island in the middle of pig blood, but the Farmer told me it’s really just muddy water.

The Farmer says, “What do you think of the pigs?”

I tell him that does not count as conversation.

I tell him I’m going to last a lot longer on the sofa than he is because I can sit still and he can’t. I take off my boots and sort of make myself comfortable, like it’s the living room.

Finally he tells me he wants to transition to a smaller farm operation, on just the 125 acres he owns outright. But he’s scared. He doesn’t know for sure how to do it. He’s making a plan.

Then we are talking. I tell him I’d be scared, too. I tell him I know he’s built up a great business and it’s hard to walk away.

I am not one with extra empathy, but I have plenty for career changes. And I think that’s what he’s really going through. He’s worked on the same farm for 40 years, and now he has to switch. He has to make operations work on his own farm, he has to figure out all new animal and crop logistics and all new cash flow planning, and it is scary.

I think about the article in Fortune magazine this week titled, “Reinvent Your Career.” about who can succeed in changing careers. Fortune reports that the people who can do it “are all people who love learning by doing. They are not victims. At a time when many people react passively to career bumps, reinventors took control.”

I know the Farmer can succeed. He can be like the reinventors profiled in Fortune magazine. But I know that after two hours of pressing him, the most he can possibly say is that he’s really disappointed by his parents’ choices and he’s scared about farming on his own. It’s huge for him to say that.

I tell him he doesn’t have to talk anymore. I thank him for talking for so long. And I thank him for sharing his feelings.

We leave. But not before we have make-up sex in the pig barn.

126 replies
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  1. KateNonymous
    KateNonymous says:

    Penelope, this is a great post. What I think is key here is NOT that you and the farmer fight, or that you drive each other crazy, but that each of you will work past that to actually talk about what’s important to you.

    Hopefully over time the two of you will have less crazy-making as a lead-up to discussion, but it’s the discussion that will help you be strong together, not the drama in the warm-up portion.

  2. Heather
    Heather says:

    I actually don’t think you’re horrible following him around and not stopping talking to him. Sometimes it’s just a matter of being there and talking that the tough conversation and opening up with really happen. I wish the farmer lots of luck with starting the new farm. I’m sure he’ll be great, but any change is scary and it’s good to have someone to talk to about it.

  3. Telemon
    Telemon says:

    I really think that your problem solving technique will blow up in your face if you go to that strategy to often. Sometimes a man just needs to work some things through….forcing him before his time is a dangerous game. It worked this time….but I wouldn’t go there to often.
    Some issues can’t be resolved through force of will. Some of the comments from other people have been right on….everyone loves the farmer, and everyone wants the best for him. Sometimes it is thought that someone’s silence is problem avoidance, when in reality not everyone works through at the same pace. Love the crap out of him and understand that quiet support is sometimes the best therapy. Good luck P and remember life is a long journey.

  4. NetWriterM
    NetWriterM says:

    My mom (and me by extension since I was still a kid) has been there and done that. It did not end well.

    There was a farm. A prenup shutting her out. Bitchy sisters. I was ostracized. My mom was ignored.

    The guy was never able to make the break from the family. They manipulated his perceptions, made him believe my mother was in it for the money (like the prenup didn’t exist). It was ugly and sad. Mostly sad for him. He’s still part of that family. We got out.

    I hope you have a happier ending.


  5. Annabel Candy
    Annabel Candy says:

    I’ve reinvented my career many times, it’s been a transition really all for the best. Your blog looks great now Penelope, even though it has ads on. Brilliant:)

  6. Carl
    Carl says:

    Is your marriage to the farmer his first? If so you have to ask why and was his relationship with his parents part of the reason he was single so long? If so, getting married was part of ins establishing his independence. Ultimately what the family has is the land. The livestock can be sold and all that’s left is the land and buildings. The land can be rented, maybe for not as much income but most likely rented. The farmer can rent more land and buy the livestock, or raise it and share a percentage of profit upon sale.
    Is the issue that they want to control who gets the land upon their death? Or ia the issue they don’t like you?
    The farm can be put into an S Corp which gives other options on how the shares are handled.
    Would they have changed their will no matter who he married?

    A few questions to ponder there P.

  7. haitiangurL
    haitiangurL says:

    Funny, as I was reading this post I couldn’t help thinking how great the font here is. I love Gawker and Huffington Post but their font could be a lot cleaner.

    But as ever, Penelope another great post and my heart goes out to the farmer. Transitions are hard no matter how exciting or needed they are. Theirs a reason why we get stuck in our routines their comforting and safe. But soon the new will become old as it too becomes a routine, putting you back in the comfort zone sweet spot.

    So take heart, a new familiar is just around the corner and when it happens you’ll shake your head wondering why you fought the change so hard in the first place.

  8. Astonished reader
    Astonished reader says:

    I am an occasional visitor to this blog. I never comment due to the fact that I actually know this family…I cannot believe what is happening with the Farmer and his parents. He has worked side by side his entire life with them and now this???? I actually feel that the Farmer enjoyed his pre-Penelope years doing what he was doing and that is farming side by side with his Father…and to my best guess, his father had the same feeling. Do you really blame the parents for not wanting them to see everything lost that they worked so hard for? You admit in earlier blogs to your past “financial” struggles. Why then, would you expect them to hand over all assets to the Farmer to in turn see them lost to the government, neighbors or any other interested party???? Let’s say it does not work out with you and the Farmer…then what? He tries to rebuild a farming operation at the age of 40+, with 125 acres, old machinery and few animals??? In this day and age…not possible. If you cared at all for what is happening in the “Farmer Family” you would suck it up and FORCE the Farmer to try and make amends with the family. From what I have read, especially in this last post, you are good at that. Afterall, they helped make him into the man that you fell in love with.

    • chris Keller
      chris Keller says:

      @ Astonished Reader.
      I, too, am an astonished reader, but I am astonished that the land is more important than the family loyalty. It is not only children who are required to be loyal to their parents. I am astonished that the parents are not loyal to their son.

      If you give any gift to anyone, under any circumstances, you do so with an open hand. You have nothing to say about how the gift is used. The recipient may do what s/he chooses with the gift.

      The farm is/will be the gift. The Farmer can do with it what seems best to HIM. The parents who give the land have given it with strings attached. To me, that is ignoble.

      The parents are effectively saying: You can have the land provided a) you don’t marry; or b) if you marry, we must approve your selection; and last c) any children who are not biologically “ours” are also not entitled to any gifts.

    • Lori
      Lori says:

      this is just indicative of someone who is completely unfamiliar with how farming and farm families work.

      given enough time, the farmer’s family might have come around. this is probably how he felt about it. i’m guessing he wanted to let it lay because there was nothing to be gained from poking the hive and, given enough time, they might mellow toward the situation or begin to accept it or move microscopically closer to compromise.

      there is what they *say* and what they *do* and while i get that what they say is offensive, they may have kept a tight hold on their convictions and still bent toward giving him what he wanted in time.

      i can certainly understand why you wouldn’t want to grant them the grace to get there slowly, especially since there was no guarantee they would get there in time (or soon enough to suit you), but it might have done the trick. everything you do from here on out either confirms their opinion of you or forces them to change their opinion (and they’ll rewrite history so it seems like they’ve been consistent all along).

      • chris Keller
        chris Keller says:

        @ Lori:

        How much time do you give the parents to come around? Doesn’t alienation/a feud grow the longer it lasts? Isn’t reconciliation more difficult as time goes on?

        I think what you are saying, Lori, is to give them (the parents) time to think about it. Meanwhile, the Farmer and Penelope and the boys may want to move on. Sounds as if the Farmer has a Plan B in mind. The Farmer can hardly spend his time and energy feeling disenfranchised/hurt. He is wisely, IMHO, moving on.

        AND maybe we can allow that the farm-family value of keeping the land in the family is not carved in stone for the Farmer.
        We don’t really know . . .

    • m
      m says:

      Adulthood can be defined as both physical maturity AND emotional independence from parents. Obedience and loyalty to “parents first” isn’t adulthood. Think farmer was long held to be an adult-child, subject to parents’ final decisions and direction, and for better (or worse) he’s now cleaved (old bible word, no?) to a common-law wife. Technically she’s not “family” in legal sense of marriage definition, though common-law wives accrue certain legal rights as well. Plenty of advice columns counsel that parents should remain “hands-off” their adult off-springs’ relationships – perhaps the longstanding father-mother-son dynamic here provided an extra emotional shock when the son finally established an independent household (that came with children). Granted P is a near alien to the environment of Iowa County, but seems that son is truly attracted to her, and vice-versa. This couple must be given a reasonable opportunity to establish a solid marital relationship without parental interference, heavy-handed retribution, and draconian “she or us” theatrics.

      His parents don’t sound like nice people.

  9. Tzipporah
    Tzipporah says:

    Hooray!! That is what a GOOD marriage looks like. You love him enough to make him uncomfortable for his own self-interest.

    The farmer is a man of integrity, and his parents are idiots to not see that, and lose him.

    • betty in munich
      betty in munich says:

      Oh dear, this is an example of a good marriage? As there are many young marrieds and perhaps singles out there reading this blog, please understand that Penelope & the Farmer’s marriage may be many things, but unlike Tzipporah, I don’t think I would call it the paragon of excellence in a marriage. You know there are couples that can open up to each other like the farmer briefly did all the time? And that they can open up to each other without having a huge screaming match involving a “fuck you” thrown in for good measure? Don’t get me wrong even couples in “good” marriages fight, even loudly but not like this. Another poster said it earlier, read anything by John Gottman. If you are thinking about getting engaged, newly engaged, dating, single or married for a long time please read, The Seven Principles of Making Marriage Work, for marriage advice. I wouldn’t model it on Penelope & the Farmer. If you haven’t read the book, you might consider reading it Penelope. It made a huge difference for me as I was facing some bumps in my marriage. It is an easy non-preachy read that makes a lot of sense. You will see that the “The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse” (what he calls the 4 key marriage killers:criticism, defensiveness, stonewalling, and contempt) gallop across your marriage as if it were an endless pasture. He also talks about understanding the difference between solve-able problems and non solve-able problems. Being able to identify the difference between the two and focusing your energies (as a couple) on solving the solve-able ones. In your case I see the whole parents/land/disinheritance issue(s) as non solve-able problem(s). Yet you keep trying to solve them. The good news, even in “good” marriages you can have unsolve-able problems and you don’t even have to fix them, you can’t actually and that’s okay. In the end, I admit that no one really knows what is going on in another person’s marriage. I don’t know what’s really going on in yours. I am only basing it on what you write on your blog (not just in this post either). You are still together after 3 years, that in itself says a lot. I would say you have an interesting marriage, and as you have often said you would rather be interesting rather than happy perhaps that is good enough. Just not sure that interesting is enough for the long-haul when it comes to marriage….something to think about.

  10. Dale
    Dale says:

    Family ties are more powerful than anything in this world. Penny, you can’t change the farmer, you can only adjust his path…

  11. MHug
    MHug says:

    I sympathize with you (and the farmer). My dad has a similar problem with his mom. He’s 56 and she still tells him to be a ‘good son’ and a ‘good brother’ and when she says that it really means ‘do what I say’. His stake in his inheritance is her leverage. It’s not much, but is the land he was raised on, and the home he grew up in, and he loves it. He still spends his time on the upkeep and maintenance because he can’t bring himself to let go. I really wish he would, but it’s tough. He’s in a crisis now trying to reinvent himself as a son, a father, and a person because he has to redefine family. My grandmother, bless her heart, is a misogynist and the only woman who (by her own claim) has ever been a competent wife or mother. My parents have been married for 30 years and she’s still my dad’s ‘wife’, not a d-i-l. Sometimes, there is no rationalizing with irrational people. I hope the farmer embraces this and uses his energy to create the life he wants, not the one he alwayws thought would come to pass.

  12. Sandra Pawula
    Sandra Pawula says:

    So the key is reinventors love to learn by doing! Perfect. Does that mean they don’t have all these emotions to work through? The Farmer is brave.

  13. Caitlin
    Caitlin says:

    The farmers’ parents can’t write him out of their will. I mean, they can write whatever they want in their will, but if they don’t include the farmer, the will won’t stand up to a challenge. They don’t have to leave him the farm but they do have to leave “proper and adequate provision”. Truth.

  14. Laura-F
    Laura-F says:

    I want your kitchen. I wish I could think of a job that a person like me could do that would ever let me have a kitchen as nice as that.

    • chris Keller
      chris Keller says:

      Yes. I noticed the kitchen, as well. I think the kitchen tells Penelope’s readers a great deal about her and the Farmer and their life together. Penelope is orderly. She surrounds herself with quaint beauty. She values cleaning and devalues “stuff” and clutter.

      The kitchen photo also tells a lot about Penelope’s skill (or Melissa’s?) at photography and picture composition . . .

    • Penelope Trunk
      Penelope Trunk says:

      Laura – you’ll be happy to know that including nicknacks like the baskets, the kitchen cost less than $3000. The refrigerator is 8 years old, used. And so is the stove. (They are both totally yucky, but they look good). The three pieces of antique wood furniture are from Craigslist – total of $1500 (if you have a Farm truck and a farmer to pick the stuff up :) The sink was $900 (antique), and the pot rack was $300.

      So, I’m happy to tell you that you could work at McDonald’s for three months and have my kitchen for yourself!


  15. CJ
    CJ says:

    Great post! I can relate to a lot of it, and I have to say, you handled this with aplomb! Well done. I also have to say as a long time reader that you surely have “gone country”! I mean, on a couch in a pig barn? :-)

  16. Leonie
    Leonie says:

    You have great pacing. I enjoy your writing though don’t always agree with your point or your viewpoint. That said, this is a blog I read regularly because you grab the bull by the horns on so many interesting issues.

    Two questions – how does criticism of your writing/decisions etc affect you and 2) how do you handle it?

    Best wishes and keep writing!

  17. Diana
    Diana says:

    Well I had to take another look at the post because obviously I missed the kitchen picture! It’s lovely, and is just what I would expect at a working farm. Yes I would expect Pen to be tidy as well.

    Have you ever considered a business at the farm where city folk are invited to come stay for a short period (a farm vacation) to play/work with the animals, gardens, tractors, and other elements? We don’t get out much, and this is a recurring fantasy that many city people have. You wouldn’t be the first, but I bet you would be the best. Your farm has lots of soul!

    • Penelope Trunk
      Penelope Trunk says:

      Yes! I think of this all the time. I’m planning to do it next summer. And have some sort of signup sheet or something. If you want to sign up now, email me. All weeks are available. And we haven’t renovated the building I want to use, so we’ll put your deposit toward the renovation and then you can weigh in with how you’d like the place to look when you get here :)


      • Diana
        Diana says:

        Oh..now see, I was serious and for almost the whole day I thought you were too. I mean I was ready to send the DEPOSIT!!
        And, I STUCK UP for you!
        Ok you are still funny :)

  18. Maureen Sharib
    Maureen Sharib says:

    If you weren’t serious, Penelope, you ought to be.
    People (like Diana) would pay good money to come and learn at your knee.
    If you could stand it.

    Design a course on how to write about gut stuff.
    Let the (hard) farm work demonstrate the physical challenges and the (hard) writing work, the emotional challenges.

    Companies would pay this easily to help their employees learn to communicate better.
    Communication is the new must-have skill nowadays.

    $2500 for a three day / two night stay would be cheap.

    Look into the Dark Angel program in Europe.

    • Penelope Trunk
      Penelope Trunk says:

      I’m serious. Really. I have thought about it a lot. But I needed time to get used to living there first. To see what was possible. By next summer I’ll know the farm well enough to have people there as paid guests.

      Also, there must be a way to make that work well with my goat cheese business. You should pay to come to the farm and learn to make goat cheese! You can bring it home to your friends!


  19. Aisha - Fitness Motivator
    Aisha - Fitness Motivator says:

    Penelope, as a long time reader I loved this post. But I was re-reading the first bit again, above the picture.

    Congrats on getting through without letting chaos overwhelm you. I know this has been difficult for you (no more house manage I suppose?)

    Sometimes we forget that even if small things go wrong (like the goats getting into the kitchen) it’s not a big deal when considering the larger picture.

    Good luck to you and the farmer :)

  20. Marsha Keeffer
    Marsha Keeffer says:

    Go, Farmer, Go – you can do it! Your own 125! Yesssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss!

    Thanks, Penelope – You’ve helped me see myself. I’m too often silent like The Farmer.

  21. Margaret
    Margaret says:

    I JUST discovered your blog and I love it! This is a great post and I love your ability to capture humor in maddening and touching situations. I also read some of the other comments and there’s some serious stuff going on with people. It’s very neat that your writing can draw others out and offer encouragement and support.
    Additionally, I read your post “5 Time Management Tricks [You] Learned From Years of Hating Tim Ferriss.” Another humorous and helpful post! … which makes me feel a little sheepish about suggesting someone else’s book in your comments section…
    But nevertheless I’m going to… I think a lot of people have difficulty opening up and expressing themselves, I certainly do (though Penelope you apparently don’t! though the Farmer does). I’ve recently been rereading a book titled “Non-Violent Communication: a Language of Life,” by Marshall Rosenberg. It was assigned to me for a class, and the first time I read it I was so irritated! (Probably because I really needed listen!) However, frustrations with a few personal relationships led me to give it a second try and I’m much more sympathetic the second time around. I think Rosenberg gives some helpful suggestions for better connecting with our own feelings and communicating them to others (in a helpful manner). Perhaps especially importantly, it helps us engage with others to help them more easily let us in on what’s really going on with them as well. I share this in the hopes that it might be appropriately helpful to others as well.
    Again, great blog! I look forward to reading more!

  22. Jobnab
    Jobnab says:

    That really sounds like quite the experience! Although percocet can be a serious thing… I’m glad everything ended up working out! It really is such a great situation for career advice as well.

  23. Greg Miliates
    Greg Miliates says:

    Changing careers can be scary, but it can also be exhilarating. It’s a bit like a rollercoaster.

    I’m someone who’s pretty cautious by nature, but I’ve done 3 career changes–not job changes, but career changes. I found that facing the new challenges was more exciting than stressful, and that definitely helped with the transitions.

    My favorite career change by far though has been becoming self-employed. I started my own consulting business over 4 years ago, and have been doing it full-time for over 2 1/2 years. It’s completely changed my outlook and worldview. I see more possibilities than I have time for, and not only do I make more than I ever did as an employee, I have much more flexibility. I can work when and where I want, so long as I get the work done and pay the bills.

    I have a blog about my journey, as well as tips, tricks, and steps to take for others interested in starting a consulting business (http://www.StartMyConsultingBusiness.com).

    I’ve found that fear often stops people from taking steps to change their situation, and I talk about how to overcome those fears on my blog. I also talk about practical, concrete things you can do to start and run a successful consulting business–or any business–along with tools, tips, tricks, and techniques for automating your business and keeping costs to a minimum.

  24. toranosuke
    toranosuke says:

    The child says that he or she sees parents’ backs and grows up.
    I think that it should be steady for the child though I am child’s parents.

  25. Mark
    Mark says:

    Man confides in woman. Woman blabs to the entire internet. Future: woman complains man won’t confide with her.

    Also, my guess is they are leaving the farm to Harold Camping!

  26. lb
    lb says:

    Got my book today, too: THANKS, P ! IT’S LIKE CHRISTMAS IN JULY!

    This September marks my career’s 20th anniversery. Lots of ups & downs and many (hard) lessons learned along the way. As maddening as the journey has been at times, I wouldnt trade my career & experiences for anything.


  27. curious
    curious says:

    You have past posts about your feelings of ineptitude in dating and relationships… and this post does not sound inept at all. How did you know that he needed to talk… when he didn’t even know? When did you develop this approach to insisting that he talk?

  28. Kimberly
    Kimberly says:

    I just came across your blog for the first time today. I love your writing and story telling in your blogs so far. The farmer has a great lady by his side.. obviously!! Great stuff. Thank you for sharing part of your life with us here on the internet!

  29. thatgirl
    thatgirl says:

    good on you, penelope, for insisting on a proper taper off of a drug like percocet. most people who don’t bother to read about what they’re prescribed are the same people who will try to do unrealistic things while under the influence of these narcotic molecules. to wit, there’s far too much crime reportage these days about people admitting they did outrageous things while high on oxycontin and other narcotic painkillers. they honestly cannot assess their own actions while on them. no wonder stealing them/reselling is such a big business.

    fun fact: the street value of one oxycontin pill is $20. the largest volume of oxycontin sellers? senior citizens with fairly free access to medical scripts for them.

  30. lisa
    lisa says:

    Being 58, my career in advertising was going downhill. In order to learn the new tools of marketing and to spruce up my image, I staged a social media event in NYC. I took one month to walk every square mile of Manhattan and blogged about it, Facebooked, Tweeted, and checked in on FourSquare. While in the city, I took classes, made new contacts and am now back home, ready to go forward with new knowledge and a new image.

  31. Megoconnor16
    Megoconnor16 says:

    There are people who survive incredible abuse and develop into beautiful people. There are wonderful families who raise criminals. What the farmer’s narcissistic parents have done is unforgivable. There was an unspoken trust, loyalty and expectation that he would inherit the farm. Strangers can see that. We are taught to trust our parents and being hurt by them goes to the core of our trust in humanity. A wise man once said, ” never trust a man who does their own kid dirty.”

    Narcissistssuck.com is the best tool I have found for understanding and recovering from from family abuse.

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