When someone tells me their child is autistic, I always end up telling them that they are too. Because autism is a family condition. At the end of these conversations people ask: “Do you have a reading list you could send me?” So here is that list.
The only way I find out what people value most about me is by having to sell something. Otherwise I’m just guessing. And I pretty much always guess wrong. Like I thought I was so great at writing about sex, but I only made money writing about careers. Now I understand why careers was more valuable: it’s easier for people to talk about their sex life than their finances, and careers are about money.
It took a while for me to face that I wasn’t one of the best entrepreneurs, but I was one of the best coaches. I could tell because even though I wouldn’t say publicly that I coach people, people kept contacting me to coach them.
Now, I see this happening with parenting.
I never wanted to be known for parenting. I needed to keep supporting my kids financially, and topics in business were way more lucrative than parenting. This was clear when I got fired from my favorite career columnist gig because I wrote too much about being pregnant. Also, I was basically a single parent, and I felt that being a single parent was like having a disease that all the married parents stayed away from.
Now that my kids are in college, I thought I’d be so excited to go back to an adults-only world. But often when I see something new I think: this would be so fun with kids. I have a hunch my orientation has always been kids, which surprises me. But most of the money I’ve earned as an empty nester is from helping families identify hurdles and goals, and setting up systems to get kids what they need.
It’s ironic because I just spent 20 years struggling as a parent. And the whole time I wanted to talk with someone who had lined up services and had a plan — for ADHD, dyslexia, OCD, picky eating, unschooling. I wanted to talk with someone who had taken their kids out of school without having a plan. I wanted a mentor who got their kids from homeschool to college. It was hard to find help for that stuff. So I did tons of things wrong.
I think we are most valuable to people in the areas where we’ve taken the most risks. Because everyone wants help when things feel shaky, and in that moment, someone who has been shaky before seems like they would have great advice.
Over the past 20 years as an influencer I have lost my source of income so many times that if you ask my kids what they want to be when they grow up, they’ll say: “a salaried worker.” I’ve had sponsors who paid $5,000 a post to talk about their product. I had people who paid me $15,000 a speech to talk about online trends. But we’ve also had electricity turned off and run out of food because you can never predict when a source of online income will disappear, and as an influencer it’s almost impossible to get a job — because your brand is too big for someone else’s brand. Here’s what I’ve learned about having a platform pulled out from under me: Read more
You can also read it on Instagram as panels instead of a flipbook.
I had Nino read it when I was doing the final edits. Thirty years ago, when we were dating, I discovered he was a good editor, and he edited most of what I wrote for the first seven years we were together. Then we had kids and things became chaotic. But here we are, with two kids in college, so I thought I’d try having him edit again.
He’s still a good editor. But when I gave him this flipbook he said, “You should have given me a trigger warning or something.”
I said, “What? You already know the whole story.”
He said, “It upsets me more now I guess. I’m really sad for you. You have to find someone else to edit this.”
I did find someone else to edit. But I think I found something in Nino as well. After all these years he loves me so much that he can’t be impartial with the stories. That made me feel really loved. Like, all these years I’ve been through with him. So much disappointment. But it doesn’t feel disappointing to be cared for.
I forced myself to sign up for all sorts of premium subscriptions which I don’t usually do, because I’m so likely to forget to cancel the subscription before the trial ends. Of course, AI can remind me to cancel the trial, but AI can’t stop my habit of saying, “Oh yeah. Okay I’ll do that as soon as I finish what I’m doing.”
So anyway, here is the list of AI I paid for in the last month and how I used it. Read more
Reminder that tonight at 7pm – 9pm Eastern I’m hosting a free, live session to talk about autism. Here’s the link: https://us06web.zoom.us/j/82800295802?pwd=LfTfUHmWnqbbQdLJCbD9U8Wd7L571A.1
The platitudes about autism being a gift miss the more important point that pretty much every major movement, invention, and breakthrough has been from someone autistic. Here’s the science behind why that is true: Read more
Electronic Superhighway by Nam June Paik
In the 80s my teacher asked, “How did it happen that the Republican party ended slavery yet Black people are Democrats?” That was his introduction to the process of party realignment in the US. In the 1960s the Democrats supported Civil Rights and the party lines were redrawn. And the teacher told us we are due for another Read more
Detail of Pilot’s Notion Five, Red, Yellow Star by David Collins
I told a friend I keep not finishing things and he said, “Yeah, the last 10% of anything is the hardest.” A light bulb went off. Once I realized that this is a problem everyone has I could see the last 10% more clearly. And all day I’ve been finishing things.
For a long time I’ve been wanting to have a live session where we all talk about autism and this post is my last 10%. Now we have a date and time: Wed, Nov. 13, 7-9 pm ET. And we have a link. Here it is:
https://us06web.zoom.us/j/82800295802?pwd=LfTfUHmWnqbbQdLJCbD9U8Wd7L571A.1
I was a guest on Sarah and Meghan’s podcast last week and the most important topic I covered was that I lost 35 pounds. Check out that picture of the new, svelte me at parent’s weekend. (The semi-pained look on my face is becase I was promising I’ll separate my son’s PayPal from my bank account even though I have no plan for how.) Read more
I really want to call my friend Minami even though its the middle of the night. I want to wake her up to ask if this picture is a good one to post here. I want to ask her if the frame on the picture is too thick. I want to ask if the blue on the coat is too thin.
But I promised myself I’d post tonight and I’m not going to wake her up, so here’s my newest flipbook.
I’m trying to get better at finishing projects; I notice that often, when I’m very close to finishing something I get scared that it’s bad and I leave the last 3% unfinished so I never have to find out for sure.
I might have become a hoarder of unfinished projects. You know what those homes look like on the TV show Hoarders? That’s what the inside of my head looks like.
And you know how on Hoarders the person works all day to get one little bunch of stuff packaged to go? And they’re so proud? That’s me. Giving this package to you.