It is not lost on me that my blog is slowly becoming a platform to announce video chats. So I think I’m going to have to do some fast confessing so that you guys don’t all unsubscribe.

I’m getting married to the farmer. Yep. April 17. Well, not really. I mean, I can’t totally get married because at the beginning of Brazen Careerist, I funded the company by not paying my taxes, so I owe a ton of taxes, and if the farmer and I got married, the IRS would put a lien on his farm.

So we are having an unofficial wedding. Very small. I would tell you how small, but I am not allowed to write details about the farmer’s family. Suffice it to say that on my side, only two people are coming.

And my kids. The kids really want to see a wedding. They would actually like to see me dressed like Cinderella. Because that’s what they know about weddings and princesses, two things that my kids are pretty sure go together. Instead, we will just go out to dinner and bring a wedding cake. The cake will be extravagant, and that’s what will let the kids know something big has happened.

The event will be in Iowa. Well, sort of. In Iowa, if you just exchange rings, with no vows, you are still legally married. In Wisconsin, there’s no common law marriage. So we are exchanging rings in Wisconsin and having dinner in Iowa. It’s like bar hopping, midwest style.

So anyway, I want to tell you that I’m not the kind of girl who stops working to plan my wedding. And it’s true, I’m not. But the kids and I are moving to the farm in the middle of May. And it’s a big move. And we’re remodeling the kitchen and bathroom. And that’s why I’m not posting on the blog.

I wish I were posting on the blog. Because my dream life is living on the farm and posting on my blog.

But right now, it’s true, I’m only announcing webinars and then praying that I don’t do anything inappropriate when I’m actually doing the webinar. I promise I will start posting again. I just need to pick out a bathtub and a sink.

Meanwhile, in webinar land, the topic is how to interview. I think it’s actually something catchy like three things to do in an interview to get the job. I told Ryan Paugh the catchy topic, and then I promptly forgot it when the electrician came. I wonder if when I don’t answer the phone because I’m with the electrician, Ryan Paugh thinks I don’t answer the phone because I’m thinking really hard about doing a great webinar.

Wait. I almost forgot a link! Here: Sign up for the webinar here. It’s Thursday, March 25 at 9pm eastern.

Here’s why you should go to the webinar. Because the people who hate me most hate me because they say I don’t really do anything, I just talk a good game.

So let’s say they’re right. Then all of them should be listening to this webinar because I’m going to tell you how to talk a good game. After all, what else is the interview? It’s convincing people they are gonna love working with you. I’m great at that.

Also, we’ll run through questions that I get asked all the time. How to negotiate salary, how to deal with getting fired from the last job, how to deal with references when your boss doesn’t know your job hunting. And I’ll answer your questions, as you ask them in the webinar.

And you guys can also tell me if you think that pink in the bedroom is emasculating. The farmer says it is. He says that he read about a football team that painted the opposing team’s locker room pink. That’s his evidence. I think that pink is good feng shui — it makes the relationship better. This would be a good time for links to the pink locker room and links to feng shui sites. But instead, here’s a link to the rosebushes I just bought for the garden.

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  1. heather
    heather says:

    this would be a good time for the video chats to be archived, since I am at my job where my boss doesn’t know I’m job hunting and can’t watch the webinar. The locker room is real – it’s at the University of Iowa… go hawks… and not to take the farmers side but the best thing for the relationship may in fact be to not paint the bathroom pink! Good luck with the wedding!

    • Jennifer
      Jennifer says:

      Ditto on the recording part but a suggestion for the interim:
      I’m going to reserve a small conference room so I’m not publicly flaunting a job search. Since it’s around lunch time, I should be able to get away without a problem. Is that a possibility? Or can you even get away to a local restaraunt with WiFi during lunch? Not sure on your timezone to know if this is a possibility, but something to consider.

  2. Christos
    Christos says:

    It’s going to be really early here in Germany but maybe I’ll watch anyway. You don’t per chance offer the recording for later viewing?

    As for the bedroom colour: If he feels, it’s emasculating then he’ll feel emasculated. Is pink really that dear to you? An earth tone perhaps, or alternatively a cool, light blue?

    Cheers!

    Christos

  3. Heather
    Heather says:

    No pink! It will be a point of contention (trust me on this–5 years later he’ll still be mad about pink). Congratulations though, sounds like life is muy bueno!

  4. Alan Wilensky
    Alan Wilensky says:

    Wow! That’s news, that’s the real content draw, P=Lope’s Wedding to the Farmer. Forget the whole career advice website, the next few years will be better for monetizable traffic than all of Brazen Careenist.

    You, know, you should live stream the whole wedding, and get a baker to make a huge sheetcake with numbered squares that audience members can log in with for special access. What was that kids web hit with the numbered stuffed toys?

    I think you have found your sheltering cove here in this marriage, with someone you cant freak out. No pink in the bedroom, let him feel good about your “place”.

    Yo! Congrats!

  5. Carol Kautz
    Carol Kautz says:

    please confirm time of webinar tomorrow, Thursday: is it 1pm ET or 9pm ET/EST [these 2 times are posted]. Thanks for clarifying.
    Congratulations, btw.

  6. Jonathan Lun
    Jonathan Lun says:

    Wow, Penelope. Congrats on the wedding. It’s a big move, and I think you’re pretty brave for it.

    Don’t worry, we’ll still be here when you return to posting! Have fun picking out stuff for your new place.

  7. Elle
    Elle says:

    “Pink was once a color associated with masculinity, considered to be a watered down red and held the power associated with that color. In 1914, The Sunday Sentinel, an American newspaper, advised mothers to "use pink for the boy and blue for the girl, if you are a follower of convention." The change to pink for girls and blue for boys happened in America and elsewhere only after World War II.”

    As seen at:
    http://www.jeongmeeyoon.com/aw_pinkblue.htm

    And congratulations!

    • Margaret G.
      Margaret G. says:

      I was going to tell her about this, too. There was a whole fascinating thing about the history of pink and blue in Slate or something; I can’t remember. Anyhow, British battleships used to be painted pink to blend in with the sunset and the sunrise. Then they stood out like, well, big pink ships, during the day. So don’t rule out pink as feminine.
      Congratulations, P! Will there be photos?

  8. avant garde designer
    avant garde designer says:

    Congratulations Penelope!

    I’m tickled (not pink) to see you included the link to Jungs Nursery – a true Wisconsin company. I always buy plants and seeds from their mail order, and sometimes head up to their home nursery in Randolph. They’re superb!

    This is a great year to plant a garden. Gardening has become very en vogue – very natural and very healthy.

    Please, no pink in the bathroom. Think of the three men in your lives.

  9. Bob
    Bob says:

    1. Go for your dream
    2. Do you think Ryan Pugh is sorry he met you? Do you have that effect on a lot of people?
    3. This would be an opportune time to show the farmer you can be accomodating. You can revisit the pink issue after your 3rd anniversary.
    4. Congratulations

  10. T
    T says:

    Hi P, enjoy your wedding! I’m in a similar situation as you; just wondering how the kids are adapting to the idea of living with the farmer? Are they feeling threatened or anything like that??

  11. Liza
    Liza says:

    Are you going to be married in Iowa?
    Doesn’t that give the IRS an opening (if they ever find out, which is possible, given that you post it here) to say you really ARE married, and put that lien on?
    sorry to be a downer, but I take the IRS more seriously than I take marriage (with or without a prenup)
    Mazel Tov and Mazal Tov!!!
    liza

  12. Tina Fortune
    Tina Fortune says:

    I like you. Period. You are bold, courageous, a woman of purpose and a brazen careerist! I am a divorced mom of 3 and I’m getting married May 1 and I am so HAPPY for you. I founded a non-profit for divorced/single parents and I would really like the opportunity to interview you one day. Congratulations to you AND your little ones!

  13. Michael
    Michael says:

    Thanks for the update. Definitely not pink! The University of Iowa football program painted the visitors locker room ‘pink’ so that it would take away the aggressiveness of their opponents. I don’t really think it works, but in the bedroom, do you want the Farmer aggressive or passive?

  14. Tom
    Tom says:

    Marriage is great second time around! Congrats

    Pink is for little girls or those who love waking up to cotton candy every morning. Check out the Freshaire colors… they really do set the mood of a room, whether the mood you are looking for is: being by the ocean, a warm spring morning, a quite afternoon on the farm or a cool airy summer night….

    Buy a deep tub (with jets if you’re into that) so you and farmer can soak away the day’s aches

    Best of luck

  15. angie
    angie says:

    Congrats and best wishes!!! And yes, pink in the bedroom is emasculating, especially if he says it is. Maybe not all guys would feel that way, but he does. You will be a lot happier if you listen to his input and then pick a color that you both can live with. Choose your battles and save your right to veto his opinion for something more important than a wall color. Maybe compromise and see if there is another room in the house that he won’t mind having pink? With the bedroom, it’s a very intimate personal space you are sharing and it should feel sexy and comfortable for both of you, not just one or the other.

  16. Kristy
    Kristy says:

    Congratulations on the wedding! :)

    Is the webinar at 1pm or 9pm? Your blog says 1 but the website says 9.

    -Kristy

  17. Mary Budge
    Mary Budge says:

    I just feel like my really good friend told me she is getting married! I know you aren’t actually my friend, but regardless I feel like you are and because of that I am so happy for you I have tears in my eyes! We have watched your pain and joys over this relationship, heck, we were all there offering advice and sympathy over the break up a few months ago. So congratulations a million times over, and thanks for being so honest and open as always and for sharing this great news with your community of friends, I feel privileged to be a part of it.

    And for the record, I’d compromise and do a rosy deeper pink, just not Barbie pink!

  18. Jim
    Jim says:

    Congratulations! And best wishes.

    As for the pink bathroom thing: I rented a place once with a pink bathroom. It ate away at my soul. I felt so much better when I had it redone in beige.

  19. Kathleen
    Kathleen says:

    Congrats and good luck on the move! I agree with your feng shui and tried something similiar but in the pink-red-purple family – I painted my former master bedroom a Cranberry color – it was dark but still could have that romantic feel with some lit candles etc. Consider a burgundy, cranberry, wine, plum, still color….

  20. John
    John says:

    “…at the beginning of Brazen Careerist, I funded the company by not paying my taxes, so I owe a ton of taxes…”

    So, on top of everything else, you are also a tax cheat?

  21. Philip
    Philip says:

    I work in the wedding industry. Let me know when you’re ready to do the big reception. I’d love to work with you.

  22. Ryan Paugh
    Ryan Paugh says:

    The webinar is at 9PM EST…FYI…I just changed it in Penelope’s post. Isn’t it awesome that I have that kind of power? Like, maybe if Penelope doesn’t send me splash page copy for her webinar w/ Amanda Hite on April 6, she’s marrying the electrician instead of the farmer? It could happen…but could easily avoided if she just sends me some damn copy :)

    • kristy
      kristy says:

      I was hoping the webinar was at 1pm EST as I’m in kids’ bedtime routine mode at night. In the future, I’d love to see the webinars during the work day if possible. Thanks!

      Kristy

  23. Socorro Luna
    Socorro Luna says:

    You did it! The farmer did it! You are getting married–sort of! When you pay your taxes will you get married officially? Wear a princess dress for the boys. Go to a thrift shop and buy one there.

    I vote for no pink just because the farmer said so. It is his house first. Put pink rosebushes outside and love them. It won’t kill you to give in to your man. He loves you. Who else would put cushions on you and make a sandwich out of you? What color does he want in the bathroom? Compromise is nice.

    Of the two of us, my husband is the fussiest. I give in because I am not a fuss. I like all things; he does not. If he said no pink, I’d say sure. If it means that much to him, I give in. I choose my battles, and so far I am winning because we are not fighting over unfussy stuff.

    You are a wonderful woman and deserve love–love from a wonderful man. I like the farmer. I like him because he loves you and your children. Have a good life all of you on the farm. You are worth it!

    Your fan in Arizona,
    Socorro

  24. Mneiae
    Mneiae says:

    deep rose should work for a masculine shade of pink. it’s very manly and solid.

    i’m very excited about the new webinar!

  25. Nancy
    Nancy says:

    I would say congratulations, but I just don’t want to jinx anything, given all you’ve been through so far. So I’ll save it for now and just think it…

    If you aren’t overburdened already, check out Quaker wedding certificates for non-legal weddings. They are hand-calligraphied descriptions of your promises, which you sign, and then everyone in the room signs below as a witness, including all children. The witnesses make it a wedding (Quakers don’t have clergy).

    This helps make it real in the eyes of the people there.

    Afterward, you frame it and put it up on your wall to remind yourself that you are truly married in the eyes of these people.

    Live adventurously.

  26. Jens Fiederer
    Jens Fiederer says:

    You are marrying a man who cares whether his bedroom is pink. It’s probably best to respect that.

    I recommend you negotiate some sort of arrangement about the sovereignty of rooms. In our house, my wife has the say about all the rooms except for the basement (which is where my computer is). That’s not because I’m pussy-whipped, that’s because I really don’t care about interior decorating. My basement could probably be used as a set for a horror movie, and I like it just fine.

    Since you are invading space that used to be completely at his command, you might not want to be too demanding – but make sure there is at least one room completely under your thumb.

  27. Diana
    Diana says:

    Congratulations! I hope you and your kids – and the farmer – get everything you desire in life. Weddings are special, enjoy this one. None of your real readers are going anywhere if you post less. You probably couldn’t kill this blog with a stick!

    (I also think it’s shame that people can’t marry without merging their assets and debts. That should be a legal decision. I hate community property laws)

    Roses are a nice touch for a new home. Now every spring I remember when I moved in here!

  28. Gloria
    Gloria says:

    AWESOME. Scored a win-thanks. The BF disagrees w/my lending source. IRS penalties(interest rates)don’t scare me. A bank loan approval- would. I’ll start obsessing if it’s psych-eval check up time.
    Pink vs Sex- my bets on you.
    It takes courage to go for happiness, wherever or how ever chosen.

    *clink* Cheers!

    -Gloria

      • Deborah Hymes
        Deborah Hymes says:

        Agreed, and a funding source I’ve taken advantage of, myself.

        Another benefit over a bank loan: as long as you adhere to the payment plan, it doesn’t show up on your credit report and doesn’t affect your credit rating.

        All this narrow-minded moralizing! It’s *money* for christsakes. It’s for solving financial problems.

        We’re so much more than the sum of our financial lives. To view anyone as better or worse because of their financial choices is to live a very impoverished life. IMHO. ;)

  29. Shannon
    Shannon says:

    The feng shui take on pink in the bedroom is that colors that represent the womb will feel comforting and protective. A good compromise would be a neutral wall color with soft cranberry curtains, or burgundy bedding. After all you’ve been through to finally get to the farm, insisting on pink seems like it would be a pointless mistake. Choose your battles. And congratulations! I hope that sooner or later, we will get to hear what the farmer’s parents have to say about this development. Not because it matters, but because it might be interesting.

  30. Alexis Martin Neely
    Alexis Martin Neely says:

    Happy wedding P!

    It’s strange how oddly parallel our lives are in weird ways. I might be buying a farm. For my ex-husband and his sister to live on that I can move to one day.

    We should really talk about asset protection planning for you some day.

    Alexis

  31. Brigitte
    Brigitte says:

    Penelope – Congratulations! Sounds like things are coming together as they should.

    I’m going through a bathroom renovation now, and my bedroom was just torn apart due to a leak from above, so I can completely relate to the horror of managing renovations, etc. :) I’ll still be reading when you’re finished.

  32. Alice Bachini-Smith
    Alice Bachini-Smith says:

    We painted our bedroom pink last week! I’m a great believer in pink, it’s energising, and relaxing, not just in bedrooms. But there are a lot of pinks, the important thing is to get the right one. Not Hello Kitty or Barbie. Not pink that, when you see it in a room, you say “pink!”, one that makes you say, “oh… wow”. Salmony, corally, fleshy, subtle pinks and good. Get samples and try them out.

  33. JR
    JR says:

    “In Iowa, if you just exchange rings, with no vows, you are still legally married.”

    Where in the hell did you hear that? You can declare yourself in a common law marriage in Iowa – if you want to, and if you are living together. Rings have nothing to do with it. (I supposed taking the rings off mean you’re divorced.)

    • Bob
      Bob says:

      Swapping rings by itself would not be sufficient evidence of a common law marriage. But why even take the chance of a future dispute on that point?

  34. J
    J says:

    No to pink if he says no.
    Esp. if its his farm house.
    You should have a veto system.
    if either of you veto a colour its a no.

    • Sandy
      Sandy says:

      I agree with vetos. We did that naming our children. Any name we didn’t like, we could veto. Saved a HEAP of arguing. Cos if you don’t like it, you don’t like it.
      Anyway, why would you want to paint a room, any room, a colour your partner specifically and definitely doesn’t want?
      But, exciting news about the wedding!! :)

  35. Jens Fiederer
    Jens Fiederer says:

    According to Wikipedia (hopefully you have consulted a lawyer, obviously I am not one), there is no common-law marriage in Michigan, so if you are living there it is safe.

    In Iowa:
    “The three elements of a common-law marriage are: (1) the present intent and agreement to be married; (2) continuous cohabitation; and (3) public declaration that the parties are husband and wife. Martin, 681 N.W.2d at 617. The public declaration or holding out to the public is considered to be the acid test of a common-law marriage. In re Marriage of Winegard, 257 N.W.2d 609, 616 (Iowa 1977).” See Snyder-Murphy v. City of Cedar Rapids (Iowa 2004)

    There is no common-law divorce.

  36. Harshi
    Harshi says:

    Dear Penelope,
    Hearty Congratulations! It is Lovely to hear the news of your wedding. I wish you all the happiness, care, and love with the farmer, Penelope. My heart sank when I read about your not posting, but then thank God you will come back. As for the color, I love that dusty rose shade personally. Have a beautiful wedding Penelope. Am very happy for you. Lots of love.

  37. julia
    julia says:

    my bedroom is pink.

    How I convinced my partner to paint the bedroom pink: Showed her how good I looked naked against pink. (using some pink sheets) White people look against pink, we don’t look so washed out, now consider how we’ll all look so good naked in a pink bedroom that we’ll want to be naked in her all the time looking at each other looking so fabulous…

    you get the gist. (I also did this for secret fung shui reasons. so far so good.)

  38. Mary
    Mary says:

    No pink paint. I agree with The Farmer. I’ve seen studies that show bodybuilders can’t lift as much weight in a pink room.

    I found an article online that claims best bedroom feng shui colors are green and blue, which bring healing & balance into your life. And pink represents love in feng shui… maybe just wear something slinky & pink to bed. Or get pale pink fitted sheets.

    Now, I’m off to paint my bedroom some cool shade of blue.

    Congratulations!
    Mary

  39. Karen
    Karen says:

    Penelope,
    While I enjoy your lively writing and find you personally entertaining, I truly question how anyone can take career advice from someone who has the poor judgment to fund a business by not paying their taxes. Best to stick to the bedroom colors. (That’s what your readers seem to be most interested in judging from the comments.)

  40. beyondbeige
    beyondbeige says:

    No pink!Please.. Most people don’t know how to choose colors because colors are either warm or cool. Which means you could end up with an extremely unflattering pink. (think bubblegum, unicorns, little girl rooms etc) Try Apricot. Its extremely flattering to any skin tone in the bedroom!

  41. Jorge Lazaro Diaz
    Jorge Lazaro Diaz says:

    The farmer’s in for quite a something. Bummer that common law thing. Something else to keep you runnin’ state to state.

    I think picking interviewing as your topic is good idea. Getting an interview is difficult enough in this market so you’ve got to be at your best when you get there.

    I plan on listening this Thursday evening and reporting what I find. I’m always looking for resources to recommend to the job seekers following my CareerJockey.org blog.

  42. Jen
    Jen says:

    Congratulations! I have to agree on the no pink. A different tone might be better, something a bit more neutral perhaps?

    Great topic for the webinar. Interviewing is a skill that is usually not taught anywhere before you actually find yourself on your first job interview or second, third, etc.

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