Personality type posts! Come and get ’em!

Each week I post about personality type. If you don’t want to miss a post, subscribe!

INFJs are not negative; it’s fundamentally positive to think everyone can do better

INTJ: What happens when you optimize the wrong thing

ENFP hazard: learning forever, producing nothing

INFPs don’t need motivation, they need inevitability

ENTPs think rule-breaking is why they succeed

ENFJ trap: turning parenting into coaching

INTPs don’t need to master emotional conversation — just show up

ENTJ danger zone: I should just take this over

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How to fill an empty nest? With beach volleyballs. Of course.

I coach a recovering alcoholic and she tells me about the power and confidence she felt when she was drinking and how much she misses that. I wonder about my own power and confidence. I thought it would come back when the kids left for school. Read more

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This guy said I charge too much for coaching, then he showed up to my door

There are some people I’ve been coaching since they were in high school. Usually their parents pay for the first few sessions and then I get overinvested in the kid.

So I have to stop and ask myself: “Does this family have $30,000 for me to coach the kid for a year?”

Sometimes the answer is yes, and then my rent is on time for so many months in a row that the landlord stops by to see if I got married. Read more

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Friends vs special interests: Which is more fulfilling?

Melissa wants you to know that she did not edit the post about how doctors are the most annoying of all the professional women I coach. I did not, in fact, write that in the post. Melissa points out that it’s what I was trying to write, but I got distracted piling on all the links she’d normally be taking out. Read more

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Boys in crisis: the decay of masculinity and how to renew it

Feminism provided girls with a whole new language to express the myriad problems-that-have-no-name, but there have been no credible equivalents for boys. In fact, the definition of masculinity seems to be contracting, according to Peggy Orenstein.

When asked what traits society values most in boys, only 2% of male respondents in PerryUndem’s survey asked men what traits society values most in boys, 2% answered honesty and morality, and 8% said leadership skills—traits that are, of course, admirable in anyone but have traditionally been considered masculine. Orenstein says that when she asked boys what they liked about being a boy, most of them drew a blank.  One college sophomore said, “Huh, that’s interesting. I never really thought about that. You hear a lot more about what’s wrong with guys.”

Here are some areas where we lack clear language to describe a phenomenon the media covers over and over again:

Read more

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The problem with personality types: testing yourself rarely works

A few months ago I did an experiment. I usually charge $350 for a coaching session, and at that fee I let people pick the time they want to talk. But then I said that if people booked the session at 7am or 10pm I would discount the cost to $150. Nearly overnight I was booked for three months solid. Here’s what I’ve learned: Read more

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The best personality type game I’ve ever played

Last week I announced that I’m discounting my coaching sessions from $350 to $150. I have never discounted sessions in the ten years that I’ve been coaching, but I decided to do it because I need to stick to a sleeping schedule and I thought if I schedule coaching calls to wake up and go to bed then I’ll get a schedule. Read more

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How to cope with the need for external validation

The reason I’m not homeless after basically taking a year off from writing is that I have been doing a lot of coaching. I say career coaching, but honestly, no one over 30 has a career problem. All problems that look like career problems are really something else. Read more

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I am so sick of my advice

In the Mailbag section of my site I answered a question from a woman who is worried about becoming financially dependent on her spouse if she doesn’t work. Read more

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