I am infuriated.
First of all, why is Sandberg telling women they should all work? The whole point of feminism was so women could have choices instead of having someone tell them what to do with their life.
So we have choices. Women can decide they don’t want to work. Women can decide they want to have kids and have a cushy job. Women can decide they want to be a single mom and have two full-time nannies. Sandberg doesn’t talk about any of this.
For Sandberg, mothers have two choices: Have a spouse and lean in. Or be single and don’t lean in.
I have a supportive spouse and I don’t want to lean in. What about me?
Also, before I was with a spouse and staying home with kids, I was a single parent.
You know what? Being a single parent sucked, but I was making a lot of money and I had two nannies and a house manager, and I have to say my life as a single mom was way easier than my life is right now. Because leaning in is so much easier than staying home with kids.
What Sandberg is really saying, with her most recent backtracking, is that it’s hard to be a parent. I don’t think she was really being a parent when she had a husband because all you have to do is trace her day-to-day whereabouts for a month to see that she was rarely home.
But Sandberg would never admit that she wasn’t parenting her kids when she was leaning in.
Why? Why can’t she tell us how many hours a week she was spending with her kids when she was leaning in? Why can’t she tell us why she is deciding to be with her kids now more than double the amount of time she used to be with the kids when she had a husband?
We have a really big problem here that the COO of Facebook wants to be a role model for women, and she is full of shit. But no one can call her out on it because Facebook owns the media.
I didn’t realize that until I wrote about her husband dying. When I wrote that post I got so many emails that requested confidentiality that said no one can say anything bad about her because Facebook controls the majority of traffic to media sites.
People express so much outrage that Donald Trump can run around saying crazy stuff and he doesn’t ever have to explain himself. Who will pay for the wall? Seriously. How will we block all brown people from coming into the US? Amend the Constitution? He doesn’t answer these questions in any reasonable way. And people complain.
Yet Sheryl Sandberg does the same thing. She says she’s leaning in and doesn’t tell us how many hours a week she sees her kids, or how much childcare costs. She tells us she’s a single parent but she doesn’t tell us if she regrets missing time with her kids, or if she’s still working part-time or what?
Trump and Sandberg don’t need to give us details unless they want to affect change on a national level. Then they owe us more than platitudes.
So it’s back to me being the only voice in media saying Sheryl Sandberg is a sham.
Here’s why: For the last two years she’s been shaming women for not leaning in. She tells us we have to justify not leaning in. Now she says it’s okay to not lean in if you are a single mom because it’s so hard to be a single mom.
But as far as I can tell, Sandberg thinks women with supportive, high-earning husbands should lean in. Sandberg doesn’t have any room in her manifesto for women who want to do something besides go to work every day.
So I’m making an announcement. I’m not leaning in because I want to be with my kids during the day. But something else, too. I want to garden. Every day. And I want to curl up on the sofa with my dog in my lap and read. I want to get good at cooking with rhubarb because we grow so much of it. I want to be home for the blackberries because they only come one week of every year.
I don’t want to lean in because I just don’t. I don’t want to have to give Sheryl a reason. Which is why I don’t give a crap what her reason is for not leaning in. I don’t think she needs to justify it. I don’t know why she’s obsessed with who should lean in and who shouldn’t. Each of us is capable of figuring it out for ourselves.
We don’t need a role model. We need a role. Each of us wants to feel like we found our spot, what’s right for us. And it’s not helping to have to justify our choices to anyone but ourselves.