The guy I'm sort of dating asks me, “Do you know Glenda Bautista?”

I say, “No.”

He says, “We're trying to hire her.”

So I check out her blog and dis her and he says, “She was dating Matt Mullenweg.”

I say, “Really.”

He says, “Yeah. I was talking with my business partner and we both thought it must really suck for her that they are not dating anymore but they are still mentioned in the same breath a lot.”

“Really? Like how?”

“Google Glenda Bautista Matt.”

I do that. Their life looks really fun. They do cool stuff, meet cool people, and how can you not think Matt is great? He is. Who knows what he's like to date, but he's a great online brand.

That conversation was four weeks ago. And I have talked with this guy I'm sort of dating, D, a lot since then. But I am not saying that he's my boyfriend because maybe I want my boyfriend to have as big a brand as Matt.

For forever, girls have been looking for guys with a ton of money — even the smart girls. But I married a guy who never earned any money, and honestly, I never really cared. We had problems, but not because I earned all the money.

So now I know that I don't need to look for a guy with a ton of money. And since my divorce, I’ve taken time to be sort of a free spirit, just dating people for fun and connection and all the corny things my readers ask me to pay attention to, as they explain how the farmer is not right for me, and how the 25-year-old is not right either, and that the alcoholic private equity guy is an alcoholic.

Then I thought about Glenda. I immediately thought she must be a good hire because she dated Matt. It's a good reference. You know she's smart. Because how could Matt be with a moron? He couldn't. And even before you see her in person, you can know she's not below average in the looks department, because I don't think Matt needs to go there. So my point, here is that attaching your own brand to a known, solid brand is very good.

I see Hollywood people doing this. It’s not new. But it’s new that today each person online is some sort of brand and we are all personal brand managers.

So, D, who is really attentive and normal—two traits I have never had in a boyfriend, ever—is scary to me because I'm giving up the chance to enhance my brand by dating an online star.

So I was sort of keeping D a secret. Because I was worried doors would close. But I could see doors closing because each week I'd spend more time on the phone with him. You might have noticed this. There's an inverse correlation between how smitten I am with who I'm seeing and how frequent these blog posts arrive.

Last week, for example, there were two posts, and I only wrote one of them. When I was in a terrible marriage and trying to hide in my work, there were four posts a week, sometimes five.

I found myself doing stuff like talking with him all day via IM and text and email and the phone. So that even though he lives very far from me, it felt like he was sort of everywhere, all the time.

I got tired, so tired that I actually sent the kids to school one day and went back to bed and missed all my meetings. When I called Ryan to tell him I overslept I felt like I was the intern calling human resources and hoping not to get fired.

Ryan didn't care. He knows I work way more than most people and that I would probably be more sane if I worked less.

But I got nervous and went back to working long hours and still talking on the phone late at night, until one night recently.

I saw I missed a call, and I called him back, and I said, “Where are you?” Mostly I asked because it sounded loud and I know his routine now, and it's never loud at 8pm. He said, “I'm on a plane. Stuck on the tarmac.”

I said, “You didn't tell me you were flying tonight.”

He said, “You didn't ask.”

I went ballistic that how could we talk this much and he not tell me his travel schedule.

Then he told me his schedule.

I told him I am planning a trip to the same city. We could be sharing a hotel room. Why is he not telling me ahead of time? I tell him I'm so frustrated that I have to hang up.

He says, “I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I didn't know you wanted to see me.”

I said, “Are you nuts? I talk with you almost every night. ”

Then we both paused.

He said, “You don't know who this is, do you?”

Then I died as I realized he is my freelance sales guy who lives in the same area code as D.

I tell him,”Oh. God. No. I didn't know it was you. I have to hang up. I have to call you back. I have to call you back in maybe ten years.”

That was the first thing. Of many things that are the result of me spending way too much time talking and writing to D.

He sent me a quote about how we each vibrate a certain way and we find our vibrational match.

I told him I think that's true, but I vibrate like an insane person. And I worry that I am attracting my vibrational match for insanity and that if I could just get more sane, I'd attract a different match.

He pointed out the obvious: I will probably not get more sane. “This is just you,” he said.

And then I got happy that he is stable and calm and largely unshakable, when I am often shaking as much as I can.

And then I tell myself that I have to admit that I'm dating him. I'm not sure what that means, but the only reason I'm not doing it is because I'm holding out for some amorphous online brand that will perfectly complement my own.

Do not write to me and tell me that's shallow, okay? It's the new millennium version of a gold digger. And I know I'm not the only one. I'm just the only one willing to admit it.

So I guess when someone wants to hire me, I'm not going to be able to get the job based on who I've dated.

107 replies
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  1. Anna
    Anna says:

    So a number popped up in your phone with your maybe-boyfriend’s area code and you assumed it was him.

    Does this mean that you don’t have the maybe-boyfriend programmed in your phone? You’re sleeping with him and talking on the phone all the time but he’s not a saved entry?

    • D Palmer
      D Palmer says:

      My thought too. Who talks to someone else constantly and doesn’t have them in their contacts, even under a pseudonym?

  2. Phalange
    Phalange says:

    Well if your “pseudo-boyfriend” can actually vibrate it’s no wonder why you’re so attracted to him…

  3. Sadie
    Sadie says:

    Ok I was already thinking about unsubscribing after the last few posts…you just put the nail in the coffin for me. Geesh. I will never understand people spilling all of their personal details out online. I feel bad for the guy that is “dating you”. Hmmm…did you ever think maybe he’s trying to attach to your “brand”?

      • Beach Mama
        Beach Mama says:

        I know this is an old post but I found it through Katy Dunnet’s blog and am compelled to respond.

        Loved the honesty of the post and the comments. If more guys were like Matt (standing up for Glenda) and more gals like Glenda, the dating experience wouldn’t be so painful.

      • Sumeria
        Sumeria says:

        Wow. If you are representative of “professionalism”, then being professional means having no sense of humor and a very large stick stuck up your ass. I don’t aspire to possess “professionalism”

  4. Cinnamon
    Cinnamon says:

    Wow. You just called someone you don’t know a gold digger and linked it to a possible job offer and you write a site where you offer career advice? Your RSS feed is deleted from my reader since your professionalism is non-existent. And not that Glenda needs help defending herself, but perhaps Matt became Matt Mullenweg after he started dating Glenda and there’s an even greater possibility that he became the brand only through her help and guidance?

    • Penelope Trunk
      Penelope Trunk says:

      Uh oh. It seems important that I totally did not mean to call Glenda a gold digger. I should have made that clear. I was saying that I was the gold digger.

      That said, I think everyone is digging for some sort of gold when they date — whatever it is they think they are missing themselves. And that gold digging isn’t so bad. It’s just how the world works.


    • Sumeria
      Sumeria says:

      Wow. If you are representative of “professionalism”, then being professional means having no sense of humor and a very large stick stuck up your ass. I don’t aspire to possess “professionalism”.

  5. ioana
    ioana says:

    No, gold digging is not shallow at all, because everybody does it!


    Do I get a vote? If yes: hang on to that D guy with both hands.

  6. Ginger Rose
    Ginger Rose says:

    I’m not a gold digger. Never have been, for better and for worse.

    You might do well, Ms. P., to acknowledged that in fact that are many other worlds, and ways to engage with those worlds, that your personal experiences may indicate to you. Soon your blog will be relevant to only you, and a source of amusement at your expense to a voyeur audience.

    But if it translates into page hits, well hey, who am I to criticize?

  7. Nisha
    Nisha says:

    I think you almost just made the case for why people should keep their dating life OFF the internet… I don’t really think it’s fair to judge how good she is for a job based on who she’s dated. And I’m guessing Glenda isn’t thrilled about the implication that she’s a gold-digger….

    • Penelope Trunk
      Penelope Trunk says:

      Okay. Okay. I really did not mean to implicate Glenda as anything negative. I don’t even know her.

      I think gold digging is about INTENT. For example, you can land someone who is worth a lot more than you — either in dollar currency or online currency, but if you weren’t aiming for that, and just sort of got it, then you are not a gold digger, even though you have a financial windfall.

      And you could land someone who is worth a lot less than you do even if you were aiming for a billionaire or an internet rock star, and then you are still a gold digger, but you capitulated.

      I actually don’t know Glenda at all, and I have no reason to believe she’d fit into the gold digger category. But I was struck by the peoples’ reactions to trying to hire her. How her personal brand seemed surprisingly stuck to Matt’s.


      • Yun
        Yun says:

        Are you kidding me? Why would you use someone’s full name and then tie it back to someone’s job offer if your intention was “NOT” to hurt or be negative? Seems like you’re just trying to get hits with this antic by tagging them up. This is so wrong on so many levels.

      • Juki Schor
        Juki Schor says:

        That really wrinkles my toenails. How can anybody be worth less than anybody else? Just on the side: gold mining is the activity that creates the highest ecological footprint on this planet from all economic activities. No wonder the Earth is in such a bad shape.

  8. Matt
    Matt says:

    Howdy, “Matt” here. Glenda is definitely not a gold digger, in fact I think during most of our relationship she made more than me. Anybody who knows her knows she is fiercely independent. You are correct, though, that she is smart and good looking — we were together so long because she’s a wonderful person.

  9. Don B.
    Don B. says:

    Nice comment Matt. This post make me realize I am old. Not sure my brand would shine a lady’s silver. I thought ladies were looking to be cherished.

    • Scott S.
      Scott S. says:

      Don’t kid yourself, Don. You’re not old until the day you realize you will never figure out what the *#!$@@% ladies are looking for!!

      I did appreciate the honesty of the post, though.

  10. Mark W.
    Mark W. says:

    It’s this link between technology, social media, and lack of face to face human interaction using these hardware and software tools that will make any sane person become insane. It’s these shortcomings of social media I’m becoming more aware of every day. Social media (blogs, email, IM, etc.) can be so addicting and yet so unfulfilling when compared to personal interactions. I had a full day yesterday without being on the computer. I got to help my brother install a shower door enclosure on his bathtub and have dinner with his family. It was nice and the sort of thing I plan to do more often. The long distance relationships engendered by technology have so many possibilities and yet are so limiting in so many ways.

  11. Melissa
    Melissa says:

    You people are so ignorant … nothing was ever said to imply Glenda was a gold digger. In fact, she’s complimenting the woman based on the fact that she’s been associated with Matt, whom P obviously admires, and goes the extent of calling her a good hire…quite the compliment from a brazen careerist.
    P – I continue to enjoy your wit, satire, career advice and love life. It makes you more real, and I relate completely.

  12. lizriz
    lizriz says:

    I totally get this. I’m an aspiring director in Hollywood, and my last boyfriend was an actor. I’m also someone who intertwines work and personal for about 85% to 90% of my life. Just about everything I do relates to my career goals. I work a lot, to say the least. So dating an actor seemed a perfect fit, and for lack of a better way to put it, yeah, I kinda got off on the synergy. There’s part of me who very much enjoys the “power couple” dynamic.

    Cut to my current boyfriend, who is *completely* outside the industry. Which I didn’t even think I could do, but which I’d stayed open to because I’m that kinda person.

    Total shocker: It’s wonderful. I love who he is, and I don’t even care about all that other stuff. I’m rather growing to like it this way, actually. It’s kinda nice to have those synergies in all my other day to day relationships, but not when I go home to him. I can’t quite articulate what I mean here because it’s new and I’m still figuring it out.

    BTW, I can’t believe people *still* jump into your comments to blast you for getting personal on a blog. Snort.

    • Ina
      Ina says:

      Well, that and your old actor boy friend couldn’t help you, not that anything much can. If he got a series, you’d be all over him.

      • lizriz
        lizriz says:

        What? Did that even make sense? lol

        My ex and I are still friends, so I’m pretty sure if he ever got a series he’d accept my bottle of champagne. And if I was ever in a position to help him, or any of my acting friends, get an audition for a series, you can be damn sure I would. Helping people out here (in Hollywood) whenever you can is rule #1 to staying sane in my book.

        It’s about helping each other. That’s what synergy means.

  13. Liza
    Liza says:

    I think Gold Diggers are given a bad name.

    I don’t think I could ever be a gold digger, but if I ran into someone I knew had a social standing or a lot of money, I’m going to want to get to know him. But if he adores me and I can’t stand him, there is no way it’ll work out.

    I think every gold digger really does enjoy the person they married; they just got lucky that they have money.

    • ceciliaparks
      ceciliaparks says:

      I have a relative who married for money right about the time that I was born. Some of my earliest memories include a conviction that I would NEVER do that.

  14. Brad Gutting
    Brad Gutting says:

    “It’s just how the world works.”

    Easily the lamest, most cowardly excuse for being selfish and using people. If you’re gonna do that, fine. Just be upfront about it. Actually, don’t do it in the first place. There are enough humans polluting the planet like that. We don’t need more of them.

    Just remember. Whatever you worship–money, power, attention–you’ll never be able to get enough of it. That pursuit will eat you alive.

    Enjoy the feast…

  15. Carol Saha
    Carol Saha says:

    Not much to say on this one but I love reading the comments. So I’m commenting so I can check the box that says Notify me of followup comments via email.
    Keep up the great posts, Penelope. You are one of the first I read when there’s a new one along with Seth Godin and The Bloggess.

  16. Michelle
    Michelle says:

    You crack me up. I love your honesty and how you mix your personal life with your work life. In my recent life (before falling into being a stay at home parent) I worked terrible hours and often the night shift. I understand the need to reach out and the hoping of finding someone to help balance the craziness. Congrats on finding someone who has the right “vibes” to feel comfortable with who you are. When I first started my job it seemed I couldn’t keep anyone happy with my schedule. I missed out on a lot of good stuff and important moments. Then the joy of parenthood and I finally realized the job wasn’t worth it anymore. It’s been just over a year that I resigned from said job and I still haven’t figured out how to connect to “real” people and a “normal” style of living. I still reach out via the internet and I too find I’ll continue the crazy hours to have that connection again.

    So, kudos for figuring out some kind of balance and keep on sharing your thoughts and bits of wisdom. I often find the situations you are dealing with are spot on with mine. Good to know I’m not the only once trying to get shit right.

  17. ioana
    ioana says:


    A few posts we were discussing how the wives’ club of the GM is so demeaning because what did these women have in common except being wives of GM leaders.

    Now we’re hiring women based on who they sleep with.

    This is a slow-motion trainwreck of logic.

    For the record, based on her blog, this Golda person sounds very cool.

  18. Irina I
    Irina I says:

    Also, I think this type of gold digging is not the traditional kind. And the difference is in the definition of gold. High achievers such as Matt, Glenda, etc. probably define gold as knowledge, talent, influence and power. Money is a nice byproduct, but it is not the goal in itself.

    The gold might also be the energy and the drive that high achievers have. So a lot of these “gold digger” women might be attracted to successful men not solely for their money, but for their ability to become successful. In hopes that the success and ability might rub off on them and that they (“gold digger” women) could learn something.

    If you are a gold digger, Penelope, then that is the kind of gold digger I think you are.

    And honestly, what is wrong with that? That pretty much describes all top 10 business school graduates. And Economics and Business graduates of elite colleges.

    Finally, this reminded me a bit of the mentorship part of the following NYT feature on a specialized dating site:

  19. Wil Butler
    Wil Butler says:

    So, what’s the big deal, Penelopy?

    You’re just dealing with the same issue that every woman EVER has had to deal with: go with the nice guy who’s here right now, or wait around for the rich, famous nice (or not so nice) guy to show up.

    Just put the guy in your phone, call him your boyfriend, and get on with living your life instead of stressing out about it.

    It’s not like you’re going to marry him, and even if you do eventually, would that be such a bad thing? It sounds like you really like him. You’re just going to call him your boyfriend, for a while. Try it on, see how it feels.

    You just might like it.

    And hey, worst case Mr. Perfect shows up and you dump your sweetie and go gold diggin’.

  20. Anca
    Anca says:

    People say “gold digging” like it’s a bad thing. Only the human species could take one of the core aspects of evolution and pretend to treat it like nuclear waste. Most, if not all, species choose who they mate with based on the “star-quality” of their genes and their ability to provide resources for the intended offspring.

    • William Bruce
      William Bruce says:

      Yes, but for good or for ill, human beings tend to aspire to things beyond the capacity of “most species.” Therefore, I suspect the comparison is moot.

  21. Helen Romeo
    Helen Romeo says:

    I’ve been with a rich and very nasty egocentric spoilt b*strd who actually once ‘hooked’ was VERY VERY mean with his money. (So, bad sh*t all round)
    I am now married to a poor-ish but warm, kind, thoughtful, generous and creative human being who sees beyond “gold-digging”. On our deathbeds, will we think of pots of money, or those moments of love and joy which cost nothing but humanity? I am glad I saw the light.
    (not so frustrated that I put money before happiness, or believe it to be the cause thereof…)

  22. Jennifer Lynn
    Jennifer Lynn says:

    Penelope, you crack me up! Especially the part about the phone mix-up. Now. Put this lovely man’s number in your phone. It’s time.

    And, if I may be so bold, you might even consider giving him a speed-dial. If you’re ready.

  23. Jared
    Jared says:

    And then you actually meet Glenda and realize that she’s insanely independent woman who’s got a decade worth of experience in the business.

    Don’t bring other people down with your completely baseless analogies because you flirted with the idea of becoming a Web 2.0 whore.

    • Wil Butler
      Wil Butler says:

      I really hate to get in the way of a solid bashing, but I think a lot of people are missing the point of this post.


      Penelope’s already appologized several times in the comments for bringing Glenda into this.

      She was only using her as an example of how people who do not know Glenda personally, or even know of her – sorry, but I happen to be one of them and I think there are more people in my camp than in the Glenda Fan Club – could assume that her successful boyfriend made her a better person because an intelligent, successful man would be assumed to date a successful woman.

      Nothing worth freaking out about.

      • Charleen
        Charleen says:

        Really? Did you ever think about Glenda’s or Matt’s feelings at all? Or how people might see this as hurtful towards either of them?
        And of course they’re both influenced by their dating each other – how could they not be? But considering hiring (or not, as the case may be) someone based on who they dated is A VERY GOOD WAY TO GET SUED.
        Especially after you blog about it. Everywhere. That’s not savvy marketing, that’s running your mouth without thinking.

      • Ina
        Ina says:

        But the post is still up, with no additions or corrections in the body. Trunk would kill to have Glenda’s rep.

  24. Mary Ann Furlong
    Mary Ann Furlong says:

    First time reading this blog, thought it was delightfully funny. Thank you! Keep blogging.

  25. lianna
    lianna says:

    I keep reading this blog, if only because it occasionally directs me to other blogs that are far more interesting — Glenda’s, for example.

  26. le
    le says:

    why do people who unsubscribe feel they need to feed that back in comments …. I mean really … unless you are D I don’t think Ms P will give a rats arse that you are unsubscribing …..sorry dudes but really !! le

    • Helen Romeo
      Helen Romeo says:

      I think someone saying they want to unsubscribe is a quick way of saying they think the opinions expressed in recent postings (by Penelope, probably) are completely meaningless for that person reading them and so a waste of their time. It’s just a faster and more condensed way to say it.

  27. Michael
    Michael says:

    Aren’t we all gold diggers to one degree or another. Never satisfied, always wanting more of something, even when we don’t know what we want, we still want more. I don’t care what anyone calls it, ‘gold-digging’ is a great metaphor for what we do.

    Thanks for the openness again. As I prepare to write a message, you gave me a great laugh at your supposed telephone encounter with D. What I love is the comedy in the fact that you did not recognize the voice of the person you talk to every night.

  28. Beth
    Beth says:

    I judge the person I am going to date by other people he has dated, because it is so true that smart men date smart women. I have found that to be a very relevant indicator of our dating success.

    EVERYONE is a gold digger of some kind. Because everyone is looking for someone who has some kind of gold (be it between their legs, in their head, or at the bank). If you pretend you aren’t, well, that is just disingenuous.

    I say kudos to Glenda!

    Because someone rich doesn’t mean that they are a bastard. Because someone is poor doesn’t mean they are kind. Generalizations generally get you no where, but stuck. It is foolish to base your opinion about someone on something that is generally independent of who they are as a person. Furthermore, being poor is very much overrated (from someone who truly has been) as a personal virtue, and takes the least work to achieve. Something is wrong with that logic!

    If you figure out what you are good at, are disciplined, and are truly using your potential, you will be successful with what you do, and you will not be poor. And if being successful and getting physical wealth from the success removes someone from the dating pool, well that makes no sense. Furthermore, being associated with someone who is truly good at what they do, and disciplined, is something to aspire too, and if you are dating idiots to avoid this, well again, something is wrong with that!

  29. JMB
    JMB says:

    Do you ever stop and wonder if all this online brand marketing is crap? At the end of your day and the end of your life you’ll have this great brand and you will be proud that you built it..alone. You’ve surrounded yourself with other online “celebrities” and built your online image. But really, at the end of it all, have you lived? Have you made a real impression on this earth. Have you really affected anyone, really? Perhaps at this stage of the game, you can loosen up a little, take a step back and focus on living, really living life.

    Now I apologize if I’m way off point. Perhaps you are traveling and enjoying the world. Perhaps you are giving your time and passions to charity. Perhaps you truly are making a difference. I wouldn’t know because you never talk about anything MEANINGFUL like that. For the most part, the blog is, IMHumbleO, a rant about your shallow perspective on life. There is more to life than Web 2.0 and personal branding. Sometimes when you’re so entrenched, you can’t see the forest for the trees.

    You’re obviously a great writer and a great personal brand. Though I wonder, is that it? Is that what it’s all about?

    What do you think?


    • Helen Romeo
      Helen Romeo says:

      JMB, you have put it in a nutshell. Couldn’t have put it better myself. Here in England there’s an expression about there not being time to “stop and smell the flowers”….which basically calls us to stop and reassess from time to time what’s really important, as life’s too short. Personally, I don’t care too much about rich or poor (although rich is undeniably an easier life) as long as the person concerned ENRICHES their own life and those of those around them. That’s true wealth.
      I admit, that I love money, and wealth (or would do, if I had them!!!) but not enough to prostitute my integrity, humanity, decency or dignity for. I’ve an interesting story on my blog about how death can change your perceptions about what really matters (“A matter of life and death”) – even if it’s the death of a stranger, long ago…
      PS I did know a rich b*strd and married a poor-ish ‘champion’, but know better than to generalise. In EITHER direction! However, humility can be a good asset…

  30. Karl
    Karl says:

    Call me old-fashioned (I’m 27) but I’d rather not date a big-name online brand who’ll be blogging about the relationship. … But I do enjoy reading about Penelope’s sex life.

  31. Lane Ellen
    Lane Ellen says:

    Who you are with is a part of what people judge about you. Being the judgmental species we are, it’s only natural. If brand matters to you, ever choice you make is about your “brand”. I don’t see why who you sleep with is any different.

    Replace the word brand with “personal preferences” and everyone can feel better about their natural tendencies.

  32. melissa
    melissa says:

    this post slayed me…full on bell laughs…i can’t just hear this dialogue as if it was a movie…and it isn’t gold digging to want to be with someone who is secure…it is just common sense AND we ALL do it…like a bear smelling out the best provider…woman naturally seek out men who can provide…it is part of our ancestral make-up

  33. Talea
    Talea says:

    I prefer dating people (yes, men, in my case) rather than brands. Never got much emotional — or intellectual — satisfaction dating SmartWater, Nike, Keen, Jimmy Choo, etc. (I appear to have a well-hydrated shoe fetish.)

    I worry about people dating brands. Makes ’em seem shallow. And not so connected to real life. I prefer people who are connected to real life. Makes it easier to live one.

    But, then, I only went to a land-grant university. I’m sure that dooms me to a life of subpar intellect. Or to a career as as a journalist.

  34. CJ
    CJ says:

    If Matt Mullenweg is so smart and has so much money, then why is he living in Houston?
    I can understand why the oil people live there and the chemical people, but not anybody who is working a job that could be done else where.
    Houston and Beaumont are the arm pits of Texas. The weather sucks (90+ degrees and 90% humidity). People are always crabby because the weather sucks. There is no worse place in Texas. The only places close to this are Lubbock and Amarillo.

  35. sharon
    sharon says:

    Penelope!D sounds perfect (for today anyway). Maybe a re-frame on the vibrational match is that it isn’t supposed to be at the same frequency, but rather one that is opposing. If so, together, you have that elusive pagan value of balance with the earth WAY sexy to me. Take care of yourself! sif

  36. xencorahoo
    xencorahoo says:

    WTF does this post do for someone who earnestly and sincerely yearning for a positive career.
    Bitch Pleeze!!!

  37. shayla
    shayla says:

    “He sent me a quote about how we each vibrate a certain way and we find our vibrational match.”

    …what is this quote you speak of?

  38. Jen
    Jen says:

    This fascinates me because a) I always Google any job candidates with a decent resume before I bother to invite them for an interview and b) when I was in my 20s I treated dating as a form of networking since most of the men I dated were in my field. Maybe I should be grateful none of them blogged about me by name.

  39. Audrey
    Audrey says:

    One of the things i love about Penelope is that she is so open about herself and her feelings, even when they’re not necessarily shown in the best light. In this post, she admits that she is a bit of a gold digger, of the branding variety, and she exposes a tiny bit of her fear of not dating the “right” guy. And along the way she shares a hilarious story. These are the posts i love best – funny, memorable, vulnerable, human.

    And she only concluded good things about Glenda. Where is the harm in that?

    Anyone who thinks that this sort of thing (googling you before they hire you) doesn’t happen for every job opening is kidding themselves. It’s the 21st century. Adjust.

  40. anon.
    anon. says:

    This is a really sad post.

    I actually left several positive comments on the Dellifield post, when I am usually just a lurker. As a woman working in the tech industry, I know how hard it is to deal with the inevitable extra level of criticism, just for being a woman or mother, and I felt very sympathetic. I was on the verge of becoming a huge fan here…I had worked my way through the first two years of archives here, and added “Brazen Careerist” to my Amazon list.

    I had interpreted some of Penelope’s writing as feminist, in a very pragmatic, postmodern way. But I was terribly wrong. Here we have a drama queen, tarnishing and using the reputation of another woman, just to generate controversy and gain traffic.

    And I absolutely agree that Penelope does not call Ms. Bautista a “gold digger”. What she does is much, much worse. We have, above the fold, this quote from “D”, who is apparently trying to hire her, regarding her ex-boyfriend: “we both thought it must really suck for her that they are not dating anymore”. The disrespect in this quote is ASTONISHING.

    Penelope has lots of Google-juice. People reading this, imagine this: the top hit for your name in Google, is now a blog post that leads off with how much it sucks for you that you are not still with your ex. Now substitute your least favorite ex. And “fame” has nothing to do with it…my ex-husband was a nominally famous local musician in my town, and I would still be disgusted. I left the guy, and actually want nothing to do with him now.

    And: how unprofessional does this make “D” look? What professional with any self-respect at all would accept a job from someone who publicly disrespects them?

    Penelope also comes off as immature and judgmental, because her gut reaction was: “So I check out her blog and dis her”. But then, Penelope decides that she really respects Ms. Bautista, because her ex-boyfriend had an awesome “brand”. Way to totally discount a woman with a 10+ year career, and frame her entirely in terms of an EX boyfriend. As I said in this beginning of this comment, it’s hard enough to be a woman in tech, nevermind putting up with extra shit like this.

    99.9% of the population has NOT created an online “brand” that is enhanced by drama (or they have the good sense to post drama anonymously!). Penelope Trunk would do well to remember that, before tarnishing the reputation of innocent people.

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