I hate David Dellifield. The one from Ada, Ohio.
This past week was Spring Break and toward the end, somehow my ex and my nanny fell out of the picture, and I was doing a lot of taking care of the kids, which, I have said before, is not what I’m great at. I wish I were. I tried for four years to be a stay-at-home mom, only to discover that I am not meant to do that.
So, in a moment of innocent desperation, I wrote on Twitter: “No school today and the nanny’s on vacation. A whole day with the kids gets so boring: all intergalactic battles and no intellectual banter.”
I almost didn’t post that Twitter because it’s so banal.
But, in just seconds, because that’s how Twitter works, there was a firestorm of men telling me that I’m a bad mom. Really. Yes.
Here’s one from David Dellifield:
“@penelopetrunk sorry your kids are a burden, send them to OH, we’ll enjoy them for who they are”
I couldn’t believe it. It’s one thing to be a total asshole to me on, say, Yahoo Finance, where someone used to spend a good portion of each day making sure that the C word did not appear in the comments for either Suze Orman’s column or mine. (The best days were when the C word appeared in a way that linked us. Really, those were some creative commenters on Yahoo Finance.) The difference between Twitter and Yahoo is that Twitter is intimate, and real-time, and pointed directly at me, not at the editorial board of Yahoo.
Like many people who are total assholes online, David’s contact info was easy to find. I called him at work, because, big surprise, he is not a stay-at-home dad talking about how everyone should love parenting. He is a dad who is not home all day talking about how everyone should love being home all day with their kids.
There was no answer at his work. But I noted the number so I could ruin his life there if I ever felt like he needed to be taught a lesson.
Then I called David Dellifield’s house. I thought maybe his wife would answer and I could ask her if she knows that her husband is emailing other women to encourage them to send more kids to his wife to take care of. All day.
There was no answer. Maybe by then he had alerted his wife that he is being pursued by a psycho who maybe will kill her kids or maybe will kill him. Maybe they will never answer their phone again.
So I wrote to David — a “direct message” in Twitter terminology: “I’m surprised by what you wrote. Are you intentionally being mean to me in a public forum?”
He wrote back: “no, but it seemed you were complaining about your children on an open forum, kids have faults, lets love for who they are”
So here’s the problem: Parents need to be able to say that parenting is not fun. The day-in and day-out of parenting is very, very difficult. This is not even news. There is a reason for the reams of research showing that having kids does not make people happier.
Daniel Gilbert, psychologist at Harvard, writes in Time magazine that we trick ourselves into thinking kids make us happy.
Nattavudh Powdthavee, an economist at the University of York, published research in The Psychologist, that concludes, “Social scientists have found almost zero association between having children and happiness.”
Scott Stanley, a psychologist at University of Denver, reveals research that shows that marriages are much happier before the couple has children.
So first of all, anyone who says that parenting makes them happy is probably lying. Just statistically speaking. But also, we know the people who are well positioned to like parenting. There are sixteen personality types, and only a handful are perfectly tuned for staying home with kids.
People can have competing feelings. For example, I love my job but I hate getting up and going to work every day. Or, I love this blog but I often have to force myself to sit down and write a post.
Competing feelings happen to healthy people everywhere. St. Augustine called this dualism; mommy bloggers call it reality.
It’s a big deal that women are writing publicly, in real time, about how difficult it is to stay home with kids. Look, I get emails every day from women who left the workforce for kids and feel lost. Here’s the blog of a woman who wrote to me two days ago: The Reluctantly Frustrated Stay-at-Home Mom.
These women feel lost because you can love your kids and still be bored. Kids are not nonstop fun. Talking with young children is stultifying. Yes, they are funny. But in general, you have to pay attention to them every second, even though they are not really doing something every second.
And as soon as your mind wanders too far, something bad happens. For example, I took the kids on a hike yesterday, taking a coat for myself but not for them. Because I checked out. Because I wanted to think about things that are more interesting than coats. This is normal behavior. I mean, intellectuals need intellectual stimulation, and that’s not something kids give.
This does not mean I don’t love my kids. Only an asshole would suggest that because I don’t want to stay home with them all day, I must not love them.
And all you people who say you’d love to stay home all day with your kids if you could, you are completely full of shit.
I know because I was living at the poverty line in NYC while I stayed home with my kids. That’s how important it was to me to stay home. I wanted to be with them for every moment, be a great mom, all that. So I did it no matter what — no financial situation could have stopped me.
And if you really wanted to be home with your kids all day, you’d do it. David: That means you, too. But, newsflash: going to work is 10,000 times easier than staying with kids all day. Yes, I know, staying with kids is more important. I agree. So is saving children from starvation in Malawi. But we each do what we can. And the best of us are honest about it.
For all you guys who Twittered back to me that I’m a bad mom and that I should love being home with my kids, here’s a link for you: CEOs who are on Twitter. Because let me tell you something: None of these people needs to earn the money they are earning. They have enough money. They can stay home with their kids. But instead, they are at work.
David, can you publicly ask each of these guys if they want to send their kids to your wife in Ohio? Because each of these guys is choosing to go to work instead of stay home with their kids. Do you know why? BECAUSE THE CEOs THINK KIDS ARE BORING. This is not news. The top 10% of the tax bracket system does not need to leave their families to go to work every day. But they do. Why is that?
Here’s another idea, David. How about approaching all those guys with Blackberries at soccer games? Let me ask you something. Do those guys check their email when they’re getting a blow job? Of course not. Do you know why? Because it’s INTERESTING. They are checking their blackberries during soccer because soccer is boring. The kids can’t figure out where the goal is. The kids and their parents lose interest. They want snacks more than they want to learn soccer. They are cute, yes. But even cute gets boring.
Here’s another Twitter from David Dellifield: “been on twitter several months, still trying to figure out the conversation part of it”
@DavidDellifield Maybe you don’t understand the conversation because you have so little self-knowledge to add to the party.
Too bad I didn’t read this until today.
Imagine David in any of these situations, which have all happened in my network of friends within the last few weeks. “We just had our 5th miscarriage and the doctor said it looks like my wife may never be able to carry a child to term.” Or -“Our fertility treatments aren’t working – send your kids here and we’ll enjoy them” Or – “The adoption agency said it will take 2+ years before a child will be placed with us.” Or – “Our two children were killed in a car accident and I’d give anything to have the opportunity to raise children” Or – “The foster child we’ve had since he was 4 months old is being placed back with his now-clean but once hard-core drug-addict mother, because she deserves another chance -send your children here and we’ll appreciate them.”
He never once said, “You are a bad mother.” You read that into the statement. Did you try reading in any of the above situations? No – because you only saw things from one perspective. The only thing he can be accused of is saying that “we’ll enjoy them for who they are.”
He never said he was a father or his wife was a mother – let alone a SAHM. He said “we’d enjoy them for who they are.” And isn’t that what all of us want – to be enjoyed for who we are?
And by the way – I was a SAHM, WAHM for 20 years and loved it. Nobody had to trick me into thinking I enjoyed it – I truly did. And although I don’t consider myself an intellectual, I could be a member of MENSA – but don’t sign up because I don’t need it for validity. I know who I am.
Different strokes for different folks
You have to walk a mile in my shoes…
Can’t we all just get along?
I’m sure I could come up with plenty more witty and significantly better quips to continue this blog conversation… but I really don’t think it is needed.
The way I see it is this – Penelope, you should know by know that whatever you write, wherever you write it, however you write it – someone out there is going to find issue with it and reply in some snarky way. If you don’t want this to ever happen again, I suggest that you stop writing. But I don’t really suggest that, because I REALLY enjpy your writing! So rather, I suggest that you don’t sweat it! You let David rain on your parade (even if it was a dull parade without intellectual banter)!
Second, I think you (and a ton of other people who responded, mostly moms) are right. Kids are wonderful and beautiful and funny and delightful… SOME of the time. No individual can possibly be this ALL of the time, not even intellectually brilliant adults (like some people believe themselves to be). Some of the time, kids are just annoying and loud and whiny and needy. There’s not a whole lot about those times that are fun, I don’t care who you are. Being a parent is hard. Being a really good parent is even harder. Being a truly excellent stay at home parent (mom or dad) is probably the hardest in my book.
There are some people out there that are so amazingly good at this, I consider tham the Mary Poppins of child-rearing. I had one of those as a baby-sitter several years back. Her name was Penny (I still think you are an amazing woman Penny, wish we could have taken you with us when we moved) and she was a mother to 3 boys and also cared for my daughter and another little girl every day. I couldn’t do half of what Penny did on a daily basis, and I knew better than to try it! I spent 12 years in school to become a scientist, and although I always knew I wanted to also be a mother, I have NEVER been disillusioned to think that I would be a better SAHM than a professional.
Penelope has every right to feel bashed by David, but there is no need to keep beating yourself. All of you working parents – just admit that you love your kids, but you like your careers too! It doesn’t have to be one or the other! It’s not black or white. Each day there is a whole lot of grey and every other color in between.
I cant believe I have been in the IT industry (working in front of a computer) for over 8 years and never ran into your blog. Either you’re not marketing it correctly, or I have been subconsciously avoiding it. Whatever the reason, my world has just opened up a little bit. I have dabbled in blogging here and there but I am now inspired to really take the time and start writing. I am not as talented as you, but I have too many things to write about to not start now. (One of my first blogs will be based on your Twitter question, Do moms who yell at boys create men who choose mean wives?. I think the answer is a definite maybe.)
Whatever the case, I appreciate all the time and effort you put into your blog. And thanks for the blog writing tips. Very nice.
Also…..did anyone ever mention you look like a nice combination of Julianna Margalies and Catherine Keener?
Just saying…
Wow, you are seriously messed up and a bit psycho. You get THAT bent out of shape by a comment from some stranger? A tweet….it was a TWEET. Do you maybe think your reaction was a tad out of proportion to the, uh, “crime”? Well, I’d certainly be interested to see how you feel about, say, world hunger – if you get THAT bent out of shape about a tweet.
I’m embarrassed for your comportment regarding this matter. I mean, it just slays me. I cannot even imagine behaving this way privately, let alone publicly.
If you indeed have this much passion and energy in your being, why not direct it in a more constructive direction?
Wow. I would be totally scared to have you as a friend.
Regardless of all the people who think that this was a terrible entry or think that you’re crazy, I think you’re awesome purely from the entertainment value that this blog entry has.
Look, if you’re going to express your opinions on Twitter, you’ve got to be prepared for others to express their opinion as well.
that being said, I read with great satisfaction of your effort to contact David. I’m sure that was quite startling to him. Believe me, being one who is child-free, i have no special empathy toward stay at home moms.
I’m just pointing out that you can’t expect everyone on a social forum to agree with you. that’s one aspect that makes them work.
Sorry, but I think your much-hated David Dellifield is coming across as the more sane, rational and mature person in this situation.
Don’t Tweet every intimate detail of your life if you can’t take any hint of criticism of what you put out there. Your defaming of David is much more abhorrent than his original comment.
Grow up, Penelope. And, learn to take the same criticism you dish out. Your reaction to David’s comment and this blog post really do come across as a little scary. Sounds like you need a break, Honey…
Great blog post! You are so dead on it’s not even funny. I love my kids but I was so ready to get back to work halfway into Spring break. I love my sitter. She is my lifeline. I work about 30 hours/week and it’s perfect for me. Enough kids and enough work. Too much work and I’m unhappy, too much kids and I’m unhappy. Everyone has their balance. The ones that are cool with kids all day are great since they can be teachers, childcare providers, etc. The ones that want to work all the day can hire one of those other folks. It’s all good ;)
Wow, Penelope.
I have to agree with some of the other commenters. I normally read your blog with a mix of curiosity and awe – the awe drifts between admiration of your persistence/boldness and skepticism toward your stark claims (on work, on parenting, etc.).
This post was out of line! Echoing others, you posted on a very public forum and experienced what happens every day, all the time, everywhere on the Internet – a somewhat snarky response.
If you had said you replied to this man with an equally snarky comment, maybe I’d say “fair play.” But you used your position of leverage, your blog, to single this man out and attack him before your own audience, PROUD to show off the multiple ways you tried to track him down (creepy). Personally, I find that immature.
I, for one, however, am tired of hearing you harp about statistics regarding parenting + happiness. Did you ever think that maybe statistics don’t explain everything? That maybe there are plenty of people out there who proactively choose to parent/stay home with their kids and love it? Your dogmatism really surprises me. And I am Ivy-League-educated, career-oriented as opposed to marriage-oriented, etc. Yet here I am, sticking up for the friends whose lives I do not necessarily envy, because they cannot gush enough about being a parent.
But that’s besides the point.
This isn’t about who is right or wrong on parenting. You talk about intellectual banter. Well, in the world of intellectual banter, the right thing to have done would have been to step back, ponder, and respond back in equal form. It would not have been to take personal offense (I mean, come on, you’re a public figure in a sense, and Twitter by no means is your private sanctuary) and to point fingers and cry.
You cling to science like it’s your security blanket, yet you don’t (as an intelligent, fair person would) point out that scientific studies may still be open to some interpretation AND leave some room for error.
There are so many more reasons why I think your post is faulty. Yet suffice it say, that I’m mostly just disappointed and have lost a lot of trust in what you write. You divide your audience between people you adore you and people who are against you, and surely that means you only see one side of the coin.
wow. psy-cho.
I know I’m late to this party, but I’ve been traveling. I cannot let this BS pass Penelope. You – who devote so much of your time to judging people, going off the deep end about someone “judging you as a mother”. In your response blog you called mother’s who are happy staying home full of shit! And let’s not forget your blog titled: “Palin’s children should take priority over being Vice President” I really think She should have called you at work and home and posted a blog all about what a total and complete ass hole you are.
By the way I think we have to stay that we have standards for parenting and we want the community to uphold them. That was your final line in that blog – get a grip woman, I mean seriously.
Oh sorry one more thing – your investors should definitely dump you – you’ve got too much responsibility at home.
Yes those are your words. just substitute republicans for investors.
You are my hero. Thank you for saying what many people think but keep to themselves.
If this is your hero, you are an asshole
You say, “David, can you publicly ask each of these guys if they want to send their kids to your wife in Ohio? Because each of these guys is choosing to go to work instead of stay home with their kids. Do you know why? BECAUSE THE CEOs THINK KIDS ARE BORING.”
This is completely jumping to conclusions and for a self-described “intellectual” that is surprising. Though I think that most true intellectuals do not feel the need to mention constantly how intellectual they are on the Internet. There are a host of reasons why CEOs may be working, and while some probably do think their children are boring, not all do. Stop trying to make yourself feel better.
Aren’t you a little late to the “I dislike my children” blogging party? Realistic is understanding that every moment is not thrilling, but every moment is a gift. All of you moms make me sick to think that you write publicly about how painful it is to spend time with your children. FYI, Ms. Intellectual, boring times goes with being a mother. Just as it is not always exciting to be at work, checking your email or sitting in on a mundane meeting.
Get over it and stop trying to capitalize on being a shitty mom. Period.
Penelope,
I agree with every word you said. Kudos to you for being honest. I could not be a stay at home mom. For my own sanity, I need to work. I feel better about myself when I work. That feeling carries over into my interaction with my kids. I appreciate them more and we get along better. I have no problem saying that by the time Sunday evening rolls around, I am more than happy to go back to work on Monday and send the kids to school. Kids can drive you crazy sometimes. There is no shame in saying that kids don’t always make us happy and sometimes they can bore you to death. Anyone who claims otherwise is lying!
asshole
I agree that
oh I get it – the whole bad mom litany of tweets? You were Twitter-baiting/blog-mining. Very smart. I bet you had that whole blog post written before he even tweeted. Props.
You really need to chill out. I am the youngest of five and my mother loved staying at home. Sure, she could get crabby but according to her raising us was the centerpiece of her life, we are still her pride and joy even now that my father is long passed and I am still the youngest at 33, expecting my own on June 1st. I can’t wait.
Don’t make fun of us “regular” folk. We are not dumb, yes we were taught to fear God but I am a CPA and my wife is a Mechanical Engineer, both from Wisconsin even (that awful state you now call home) and have similar values.
I wrote a long post blasting you for being such an insulting hypocrite.
But it’s easier just to sum it up by saying you are clearly just a horrible person. You rationalize you own failings by attacking others who point them out to you.
And you do it all under a fake name – classy.
I feel sorry for your kids.
have no idea who this guy is
If you are going to be so sensitive about replies your posts on twitter, do not post them in the first place. David does know you, yes you have sent a message to him. For all you know David if going through a divorce and is fighting for his kids custody, that’s like telling a women who can’t have children how hard it is to be pregnant.
So, your kids don’t stimulate you enough and when you go out with guys all you think about is how to do business with them. Is there a person in your life that are willing to put before you all the time? If not, no wonder your blog is so popular
When I was 24 I moved to San Francisco from the Philippines for work. On my third year, I got pregnant so I decided to go back with my fiance, and bring up the baby here in the Philippines. My friends in San Francisco kept asking me WHY I WANT LEAVE(the unsaid part being “San Francisco is one of the greatest cities. Ever.”)
My fiance and I took care of our baby alone for three weeks (and I had a c-section). It was VERY VERY VERY VERY hard.
So now I live in a country where you can have a full-time nanny AND a housekeeper even if you are a median income earner.
I keep recommending to my friends to move somewhere where labor is cheap. Life as an expat is pretty hard to beat.
Email me if you want to move here. =D
The overreaction you had to the tweet and your inability to hold your temper coupled with your high energy, forthright opinions suggests you may have ADHD. It is mistakenly assumed that symptoms wear off in adulthood but actually they can be exacerbated by stress. Im sure a divorce, running out of money from investors, feeling stressed by two young kids and other stuff on your mind had you feeling maxed out. Creativity, lateral thinking and frankness are all positive aspects of ADHD and with CBT coaching you can learn to control your temper and stress. Give it a try! It would be good to read your blogs on the subject
Don’t empower her with another excuse. The only disorder she has is called ASS – asshole spouting stupidity.
Don’t empower her with another excuse. The only disorder she has is called ASS – asshole spouting stupidity.
OK, so I read your column because you have strong opinions and it’s entertaining — you have some credibility because you claim to have made decent money in the cooperate world (face it, it’s how our culture measures success) and have a unique perspective on the business world.
That being said, maybe bitching about your kids or your toothpaste or a flat tire wastes our time… reading this post was a waste of my time… (and yeah, so is replying to it) and in my opinion most of the ‘tweets’ people put out there are so banal that I can only see the motivation for sending them being utter self-absorption and self-importance.
You put it out there, and since I am wasting my time anyway… a few thoughts (and yeah, you can contact me — my information is easy to find too):
1. You say ‘kids’ — why, if motherhood was not your real ‘calling’ — did you keep having kids (OK, I am assuming they are not twins)? “Gee, this is dull, and I am not good at this, and I need a nanny — maybe…more kids???” Really, this makes me question your good sense.
2. Posting a bunch of drummed up surveys and studies to prove your point — mothering sucks for lots if not most of people? — actually does not serve to back you up… rather, if you have a good, well argued point to begin with (since we are talking parenting and not calculating the reproduction rate of bacteria in a hour) you would not need to quote all these ‘experts’– it comes over as contrived — as a sort of confirmation bias.
3. We Southerners have a saying for what you did when you tweeted that message — “showing your ass” — so here you are showing your ass and you are upset that someone is saying “mean” things to you on a public forum? “Mean” — how do you think your kids will feel when they read all this stuff? (oh, yeah, you wrote it on the INTERNET — where even Paris Hilton could not get rid of her nudie film) Not good, I assure you — so save up for the shrink now. So as long as you are showin’ you ass on the internet — why not post some pictures of your cellulite or yourself pooping — or maybe you should tweet about why old ladies smell bad…. you get my drift here. Really, dont let it all hang out — put your ass back in your pants — your kids can write novels about what it was like to be raised by you later, then the cats will be out of the bag.
4. Last point here…Stick to what you are good at. I would not buy a cook book from someone who thinks cooking is a necessary evil — or an novel written by someone who thinks the novel is a dead format. If you are not passionate about parenting, or you dont love being with kids (and you HAVE them) keep it to yourself — nothing positive will come of it. Talk about it with your shrink, and let HER/HIM write a book about it — because at least she/he will have some perspective, expertise, and something constructive to say.
So you’d be ok with it, if, in your old age, your kids posted about how hard it was to have to take care of an aging mother who just goes on about her bursitis? I don’t think David’s comment was particularly harsh. I got from him that he felt that parents are people who sign up for and embrace the good, the bad, the interesting, and the boring. I CHOOSE not to be a parent, myself, in part because I know that kids bring pain as well as joy. I don’t doubt that you love your kids; I don’t doubt that it’s hard work that doesn’t always provide earth-shattering enlightenment, but you did your kids no favors by using “battles” and “boring” in reference to being with them all day.
Exactly – thanks for bringing this up. The kids get ignored by her and her fans.
I would bet cash money that her kids have a much lower opinion of her than her creepy, flippant fan base.
As a single woman with no kids, I can only speak to the kid issue from my friends’ and my Mom’s perspective. My friend and full-time mom MaryLynn loved her kids, but even she used to tell me how she was losing her mind with two toddlers, very stressed, alone all day. Her husband was great, but of course he was gone all day, and sometimes gone completely on business trips.
As kids, my brothers and I were all pretty well-behaved, and my Mom often said she loved being a mom, for the most part. And now that I caretake her, I can honestly say that it was a good thing she told those nuns at the hospital that (after having 2 sons) she was coming back the next year to have her daughter – I am the only one caretaking her, my brother do practically nothing to help (from what I hear, this is pretty typical.) I can tell you that caretaking a parent is probably one of the most glamour-free jobs around.
So, yes – I can your point in calling out this David character on his hypocrisy. But I take issue on all those studies that make having kids seem so bad. Sure, there are some sacrifices. (No one seems to even consider making sacrifices anymore – but that’s another rant.) But having kin around who may bond with you is part of what life’s about.
I for one wish that at least one of us 3 kids had presented my Mom with a grandkid – none of us ever did.
I just recently stumbled across this blog. I adore it. I don’t always agree with everything Penelope says, but I dig her writing style. I much more than just admire her backbone. God Bless America for allowing the freedom to express yourself freely. I’ll keep reading. Kids are not always fun. Anyone who says differently is asleep or lying. I’m raising my second set of kids, as one of the hundreds of thousands of grandparents who are having to do this, I stand behind Penelope’s view on this matter.
Dig her writing style? She’s shit! Incoherent, rambling, arrogant, flippant, and stupid. There is not one redeeming quality. Fucking nut job
I go back and forth on whether I like this blog or not. The career advice is good. I especially liked the article on discipline. But in person, I think I would dislike you very much.
This is some seriously bad mojo and I am glad I don’t know you personally, so I can justify why I continue to read this blog.
But… let me take a few weeks off to clear the bad vibes and distaste after reading this one. I don’t even know what the point was, I was too appalled by the malicious intent.
This blog is shit, and her advice is worthless. She is insane, she her latest post about her acknowledging the fact she is a fraud.
sounds like david dellifield hit a nerve.
Very nice ladylike behavior.
Lisa
hah, love it. LOVE IT. As a former stay at home dad (many read that as loser, and thats fine. it was my unloser’ish activity for the last 10 years that financially allowed me to take the time off. its just as everyone read penolope’s desire to be outside the home as bad parenting) I applaud your post. i didn’t even agree with the majority of it, but i still love it. continue to write your mind, codos.
I also applaud your attempt to find david. the internet is full of spineless david’s who use its anonymity to attack and act belligerent. there’s no doubt david wouldn’t have said that to your face. his comment is on equal footing with the office gossip who talks behind everyone’s back. for some reason, when ppl go online the majority turn into that gossip. i think its wonderful you made the attempt to demonstrate there is an actual human being on the other end of his criticism.
You are a loser for supporting this miserable act. And an idiot for being a penelope fan, she’s insanely stupid.
where are dave’s comments now?
and, P, thank you for the supporting research.
just realized how that comment sounds “where are dave’s comments now?” … not trying to antagonize dave … but i am curious to see a continued dialogue between these two… and also am wondering if dave is going to do anything about his google search results…
just realized how that comment sounds “where are dave’s comments now?” … not trying to antagonize dave … but i am curious to see a continued dialogue between these two… and also am wondering if dave is going to do anything about his google search results… maybe i should give him a call ;-)
Whether parenthood is boring or not isn’t the issue. Calling Mr. Dellifield at work and then at home is creepy, stalker-like behavior. Pulling stunts like this is either crazy like a fox (genius for traffic building) or just crazy.
Why are you so angry?
While trying to find your post about your childhood, I came across this one and what a relief! to know that I am not the only one who loves my kids yet am not cut out to be with them full-time. their dad and i are now divorced and while he is mr. mom and would love to have them full-time, i am trying not to feel guilty about the enjoyment I have when the kids are with him. i will always remember returning to work after 4 years staying at home with my 2 kids: i told my then husband that “WORK IS SO MUCH EASIER THAN BEING HOME WITH KIDS!” He got very angry and defensive and said that it depends on the type of work. I believed him for a long time. HA!
This post was NOT about how difficult it is to be home with children 24/7, as much as PT might like it to be.
It is about someone who was so horrified at the idea of spending a single day with her children that she had to tweet about it, was called on it with a syrupy platitude, and then retaliated against the person who called her on it in a most vicious way.
Because the person who called her on it was male, PT was able to tap into the real frustrations stay at home moms feel and win them over to her side.
That she was able to do this so easily does indeed point out that there are real problems that need to be addressed.
But SAHM’s deserve a better champion than PT.
The most relevant post in this seemingly never-ending list!!! This individual captures what was right and wrong about both peoples actions and should ask everyone to question the “Sisterhood!!!” chants being offered.
I am an INFP I had a full time nanny, and houskeeper,
and still hid myself in my bedroom.
Not sure that theory works…
Thank you for sharing… I thought I was the only one.
YOU ROCK! I am a new mom (baby is 9 months old next week, hell no I don’t count weeks because I do NOT have time to figure that out considering some months are longer than others!!!) I am getting SO much flack from my mom for wanting just a bit of my pre-baby, “single, NYC Chic” life back. I moved to NYC after undergrad and lived it up until I became pregnant with my son, 6 years later. So, here I am 29 and dying for a little piece of that life back and feeling guilty about it all the time. I have recently moved back to Chicago, returned to work and I LOVE IT!! Love being around adults, dressing up, wearing make-up and I LOVE that lunch does not include feeding Noah his peas while I scarf down something awful!!! Yes, I cried a little when I sat at my desk for the first time and realized I would not spend the day with him. I love Noah, he is AWESOME and beautiful… but I love ME too!!!
This post is fantastic and couldn’t be more true. I have been a SAHM, essentially on the line of poverty, as you said. I now work part-time and relish both my time with my son AND my time at work. It makes me insanely angry when people flippantly state, “I WISH I could stay at home…it must be so nice to be so relaxed”. Please, smuggers! You most certainly do NOT wish that, or you would do it. It is hard to stay home, and expensive as well. The financial sacrifices we’ve made have been huge, and worth it, and the PT work keeps us all sane in my house :)
THANK YOU for a well-stated post, and shame on David–smugger!
I have had the opportunity to live for 20+ years each in two different countries, including the U.S., the two being quite different in culture. I feel that parenting as a SAHM mom was especially hard here in the U.S. for me because my children, till they started school, were with me the whole day. In the other country, my kids would have played to their hearts’ content with the other kids in the neighborhood who were around too, their moms being SAHM as well. Homes in that country are situated quite close to each other unlike most in the U.S. and there’s plenty of interaction with other adults. Much better mental health-wise for both parent and child.
Also, parenting in general, is hard but what a wonderful opportunity for personal growth! Challenging situations, which are always guaranteed in plenty, can force you to reflect on why you responded in a particular way. Helped me at least.
parenting is a tough job you know….and being a lady its kinda special feeling you all ladies have you know….cant explain what i really wanted to say!
Really interesting post – at first I thought calling him sounded totally nutty but then I asked myself why. It’s so odd the standards we have for online vs offline behavior, and maybe your posts points to a new era of breaking them down.
Penelope,
You are incredibly rude,harsh but still agreeable. I personally love moms that love their families, that devote their times with their kids but you know what, you are right. I like the CEO thoughts, you are definitely intellectually stimulating.
Jonha
If you find this crap intellectually stimulating, then you have shit for brains.
ironic enough…i work for this famous david dellifield. he’s my boss. he’s a great guy. great wife, great family. but seriously, what is writing a nasty blog about him doing you? your twitter post is long gone, but guess what, his kids and family could google him at any point and see basically a hate post about their father? seriously, ridiculous.
The penelope is an asshole. I don’t know this David dude, but all he tried to do was make this bitch think twice about how she treats her kids and she wants to ruin his life. All he did was try to help her kids. I guess she has other plans for her kids and doesn’t want a good life for them.
Yes, Dellifield was an asshole for writing that. And you, Penelope Trunk, are a total asshole for calling him an asshole. Twice. In print. In your blog. But then, I’m not surprised. I remember from reading your commentary on Yahoo Finance that you always were a bit of a self-righteous asshole.
So.. because he said something rude you decided to take his personal information and harass him on the phone? Quote, “so I could ruin his life”.
I agree with you about him not saying something like that, it was rude and slightly out of line. I am a parent and I know how damned difficult it can be.
.. but taking someone’s personal number and calling it because you are insulted? Come now, that reminds me of something I’d do in middle school. If you are a mom and have a career why take that much time out of your life to harass someone that left a snarky little comment.
I say you block him, he blocks you, you both move on.
Hello from Germany! May i quote a post a translated part of your blog with a link to you? I’ve tried to contact you for the topic I hate David Dellifield. The one from Ada, Ohio. | Penelope Trunk’s Brazen Careerist, but i got no answer, please reply when you have a moment, thanks, Spruch
Wow! Without a doubt, Penelope, you are a nut-job of epic proportions. I sure hope you’re not licensed to carry a firearm because Mr. Dellifield could certainly take your remarks as being threats of violence(“Maybe by then he had alerted his wife that he is being pursued by a psycho who maybe will kill her kids or maybe will kill him”).
This man made one innocuous comment in brief sentence and you completely read everything else into it. It would definitely behove you, and everyone else in this country, if you would seek psychological or psychiatric help. Get a frickin’ grip.
I agree
I just want to say thanks for this interesting thread about I hate David Dellifield. The one from Ada, Ohio. | Penelope Trunk’s Brazen Careerist! Regards, Alexa Beratung
That 16 personality list is spot on. Every human is well educated, respectful, and hard working. Definitely no doofs, losers, and bloggers in the world.
Very interesting. You actually :
a). Looked up his contact details.
b). Called his home.
c). Hoped to make trouble between him and his wife?
Then blogged about it apparently unaware of the implications of your behavior.