I’ve developed a survey to give to people who slipped me into their not-friend category. Since I’m a person with no ability to cope with nuance, answers to all questions are yes/no.
1. Were you ever my real friend? I want to know if you needed me like I needed you, but I don’t want to ask in person because it’s pathetic to have an uneven relationship. So please write yes or no so I can tell if the whole thing was doomed from the start.
Below is a comment from my last post about the Wikipedia editor who kept trolls from deleting my page.
I know you have no reason to believe this, but I’m Agent 86. I haven’t followed your blog or been on Wikipedia in years. In fact, not trying to be rude, I had forgotten about you and all the other bloggers I used to follow because I just don’t follow blogs anymore. However, the other day I was reminded about you and told to check you out again. So I did and saw…this?!? I kind of freaked out at first, because I thought someone I knew had figured out my editing history. Whew – with further investigation I realized it was an amazing coincidence.
I had forgotten all about the attempts to delete the article about you. After seeing this post I went to look at it and the Talk page. Wow, did I get involved. Hard to believe that I was once so passionate about editing Wikipedia. Now I could care less – maybe I got a life? It was fun to re-read those posts. I am also a bit gobsmacked that there was a *fourth* AfD. If I still edited, for what it’s worth I’d would have put in yet another vote of support.
Anyhow, whether you believe I’m me or not, I’m quite chuffed to get a nod from you. Thank you!! <3 I really did enjoy your blog back in the day, and it was really nice to catch up – as far as I knew, you were still in Wisconsin!
cheers :-)
At first I wasn’t certain it was THE Agent 86. But then they left a link to my blog on their personal Wikipedia page, which was so special to me because I’ve been stalking that page forever trying to figure out who they are.
Reading that comment makes me think about how this was really just one moment in this person’s life. They were really involved in Wikipedia and then they weren’t. But during that time when they stood up for me, it made a huge difference in my life.
I never would have had the guts to edit my Wikipedia page and argue about it if I had not seen Agent 86 do it first. For a decade people said I’m too stupid to be on Wikipedia filled the editorial section with rants about my family, and calls to former employers, (and you can imaging how far back in my history they were going to find someone who would hire me before they saw my Wikipedia page). Agent 86ֶ gave such calm, logical, replies. Their editorial authority was like a wolf scaring off raccoons.
I am so so so happy that Six Sex Scenes has its own page on Wikipedia. I like knowing that I made a small contribution to the history of literature. Of course there are already people clamoring to take down the Six Sex Scenes page. But there’s a new editor defending my writing now. Lejil. And I appreciate reading their replies.
It’s much easier for me to stand up for someone else than to stand up for myself. Maybe this is true of everyone. I know a lot of people would prefer to sell a company or a product or idea — anything but themselves. Maybe we need to hear someone else stand up for us before we can do it for ourselves.
When Z was about ten years old and we had a layover in Minneapolis and went into a store because Z wanted to test makeup. I was nearby but not paying attention. He came over to me and said the woman working there told him makeup is for girls, not boys.
I comforted him, but I quickly shifted from comforting to outrage. He asked me not to say anything. “Please don’t make trouble,” he said.
I told him to wait outside the store and I would just explain to her that of course anyone can wear makeup. Then I went back in and ripped her head off for shaming my kid.
I went back to Z and he said, “That was great, Mom. I got a picture.” I kept the picture to remind me how important it is to stick up for my kids because it gives them power for the next time. I didn’t realize that the same is true for me. Each of us needs someone to stick up for us sometimes. It’s a special person who is looking for opportunities to stick up for people other than their own kids.
John Gallagher wrote his dissertation about how people with a large following online relate to comments from their audience. Over many years he interviewed people who were top Redditors, top Amazon reviewers, and he interviewed Heather and me. Read more
I’ve stopped saying yes to interviews because I piss people off. Or I scare them. I’m not sure I can tell the difference. If someone hangs up in the middle I know they hate me, but if someone doesn’t hang up in the middle but also doesn’t use the interview, I think, maybe they liked talking with me but they’re saving the interview for a really special time. In ten years.
I broke my vow of silence to be a guest on a podcast with Meghan and Sarah. They have a cool-girl vibe that victimized me the first 50 years of my life. But I think my time has come.
Also, I read that women are supposed to make a lot of friends in their 20s in order to learn about social norms. And then women cull their friends to just a few special ones in their 30s so they can focus on family. So women are set for family and friends in their middle age.
I am pretty sure I’m still at the first part: learn about social norms. But I’m definitely making progress because Meghan and Sarah posted the interview! Here it is, hooray.
The leasing company said they were waiting on a criminal background check. This was a good sign since it’s the only part of the rental approval process that I pass with flying colors. While we were apartment hunting, we rented a beach house priced to attract people who want to recreate Grey Gardens without the grandma’s-attic-glamour or Kennedy-kid square footage. Read more
I woke up on August 12th and my Twitter account was stolen. This is not a small account. I have 130,000 followers.
Is it too optimistic to use the present tense? I’m not sure, because there is still a picture of a cat in the spot that should be me. Read more
A reporter emailed me to set up a call to talk about millennials. There was a time in my life when I would have ignored the email. I’m tired of talking about millennials. But now that I’m home with kids, I say yes to reporters so I have someone interesting to talk to. Read more
This week Melissa is working with clients in New York during the day and sleeping at my apartment in Swarthmore. I wait for her to return each night at 9pm like I am like the cranky wife frustrated by her spouse’s long commute. My kids wait to light Chanukah candles with her like they are the cranky four-year-olds frustrated by the long wait for gifts. Read more
I read that in Silicon Valley there’s a twelve-month waiting list to be a summer volunteer at the local hospitals. Because all the kids who want to go into STEM careers in their over-funded overachiever Silicon Valley schools are trying to stand out as great candidates for college by working with doctors and scientists. Read more
The best time for people with Aspergers to throw a party for their friends is Passover. Passover is a very long meal where Jewish people follow prescribed conversations and eating rituals. No unstructured socializing. Which means people with Aspergers can have all their friends around with minimal social anxiety. Plus, done well, Passover is a Jewish drinking game. Read more