I think I spent the last decade deciding if it’s okay to give up my career for my kids.

I am not splitting hairs any more. I am not writing as if I don’t have kids. I am not writing as if I’m in a permanent identity crisis.  I’m not writing screaming tirades to defend myself.

Instead, I am choosing peace. Finally. I am settling into the reality that I work relatively few hours a day. I can’t work with other people because my work hours are too erratic. And my earning power, just like the research says, probably topped out at age 40.

So here are things I think about now. Because there is a lot of extra space now that I admit there is no struggle. The deed is done.

1. What can I do to slow down time?
Time goes very fast when you have kids. If you don’t have them yet, just know that no one can make this clear enough. You just have to just experience it. Like telling you what arthritis in your knees feels like. It’s impossible to explain to someone with strong knees. But time is going so fast, so I spend a lot of time reading about how people deal with time passing. I love this story about a father’s death. It is a lesson in marking time to slow it down.

2. What can I do to be a good person?
First I’d have to define what a good person is, right? It wasn’t taking care of a homeless teen, because I really messed up my kid’s summer doing that. And I messed up my bank account. And probably a lot more. But being a good person for me is most likely when I respond to an email from a random person with empathy and advice when they were expecting neither. And I read about new ways to express goodness because maybe I’m missing a way that would change things up for me. Like, I’m thinking of writing a letter to a tree.

3. I want to help other people not make the same mistakes I did.
I want people to feel powerful when they choose compromise over career ambitions. I want people to feel like it’s fine to put getting married ahead of having a career. I want to feel like the friend who sits you down, with a hand on your shoulder to help steady you for the news. In this respect I think I’m part of a movement. And in that vein, here is a blog dedicated to showing the truth about life as a partner of a big law firm. I especially like the post that is an interview with a woman who couldn’t take maternity leave for either of her babies.

4. I want to watch the next generation to teach me new ways of seeing.
Millennial women understand they will be leaning out in order to take care of kids. They are okay with it. This reminds me of when my mom’s generation made a big deal of coloring their hair. And my generation took it as a given and moved on to the next topic. I want to watch for the next topic. (Note: meanwhile millennial men are not as prepared, and they are shocked to find out that parenting while you have a huge job is maybe impossible. I confess to be looking forward to seeing that play out as well.)

5. I live without air conditioning.
I didn’t realize it was a big deal at first. It is just how things are on the farm. But people who live on farms come to  our house and ask how can we live without air conditioning. And my brother wears workout clothes to dinner at our house in the summer because he knows he’ll sweat so much. My older son told me 90 percent of people in the US have air conditioning. “We are living in the third world!” he told me, after he told me it’s too hot for violin practice.

I tell him to shut up and practice. But I do give some thought to why I like living with no air conditioning. And the reason is because I notice the weather so much more. I notice the morning air is cool and a little damp. I notice the sun is hot in the dining room in the afternoon, and I know I can open the windows at the end of the day to get a cooling-off breeze from the west.

We eat more popsicles on the porch because the house is so hot. We notice more when we are outside in the air, like how the fireflies come out when the sun dips below the horizon, and how the sweat dries on your arms.

Also, you work a lot harder outside during the day if you do not have a cool, frosty house to settle into at 3pm. Air conditioning separates you from your surroundings. And if I am slowing down my career to spend time with my family, I want to do it consciously. And if that means I do it in sweat then that’s okay.

Each of these five things is a way of seeing the world a little differently, and trying something new. And what’s remarkable about the struggle about career or kids is that I thought, the whole time I was struggling, that if I scaled back my career then my life would get boring. But in fact, when you have kids and you struggle to not have to adjust your career then you end up trying to keep time standing still rather than allowing yourself to evolve over time and try new things every chance you get.

49 replies
  1. Jen
    Jen says:

    As a working mother who seems to constantly try and find the balance and not have guilt…I loved this post and it makes so much sense. I’m so happy you have found peace.

  2. Eileen
    Eileen says:

    This was so poignant. Thank you for sharing what you’ve learned. The future scares me so much and it helps a lot to hear how it is possible to make peace with kids, career, marriage, and self.

  3. JoanneBB
    JoanneBB says:

    I’ve been reading your column for many years – from early career, through my foray into management, and then into being a specialist (I am fortunate – I’ve worked for one company for 15+ years but have taken opportunities in 3 dramatically different departments/roles). Now I am at home with a 5 month old (thank you Canadian maternity leaves!), considering what the next stage of my career will look like – I was on the road 16 weeks last year, and that is not what I want with life with a child at home. This article really helps with channelling my thoughts right now, thank you!

    (And despite reading you for years, I don’t always follow your advice… I found the right PERSON in my mid-20’s, but then battled infertility through my 30s… So my child is WAY too late in my career for a “high powered” career path!)

  4. Julie
    Julie says:

    I don’t really know why, but I think it’s a beautiful post. Maybe because it’s so peaceful.

  5. DMom
    DMom says:

    Wow. You outdid yourself with this post. So beautiful in so many ways. This is exactly why I come to this site. Thank you.

  6. Heather
    Heather says:

    Thank you for this. I left my work with nonprofits two years ago when I was 9 months pregnant and we moved across country for my husband’s work. As a feminist, this was really hard for me and I keep beating myself up about it. Now, I feel like I am finally finding the balance of staying at home with my child, supporting my family, and being a feminist. It helps that I’m a writer and so can do work at home, though finding the balance has been tricky. So nice to see someone explore the value of “leaning out” for women of my generation who have been told a very different definition of success if we didn’t want to end up like the Leave it to Beaver stereotypical stay at home, conservative mom.

    • Lisa
      Lisa says:

      Your response really gave me pause; I am 53, I am thinking you are a bit younger? I thought, and of course it is only my perception here, but that the entire point of Women’s Liberation was/Is choice. NOT mandated super- careerism type activities, but simply the open, free choice to decide how and what one woman can or will do with her life- and the creation of protective laws and mores so that a woman is permitted to do what she wants- My mother was pregnant with me in 1961, and when her boss found out, he did what was the accepted thing then, he laid her off! After all, she was a married women; it was totally accepted that her husband would step up to the plate and do his duty. She said she used the severance money to furnish my bedroom! No one was surprised this happened to her. Today, it would be LAWSUIT TIME if that happened; THAT is Feminism, darling. There should be NO guilt about making choices that suit your lifestyle, if that is truly what has happened, then Feminism has truly failed in this way.

      • Rachel
        Rachel says:

        Lisa,
        I think your comment furthers a misconception that I would like to put to bed. Yes, the end goal of feminism is that your gender does not need to define who you are or become.
        However, in order for that goal to take place, a lot of work still needs to be done. My husband and I do not fall along traditional gender roles. I make more money, he cooks more, etc. etc. We constantly have to explain and justify this to people – at best it seems to pleasantly surprise them, at worst they make fun of my husband in front of both of us.
        So, if someone is a feminist, it makes sense if they are bothered when they make stereotypical gender role choices. It may 100% be the best choice for them, but it doesn’t further the cause of feminism, it actually further entrenches and enforces current stereotypes.
        Sometimes you are stuck between a feminist choice, and the choice that is best for you. Its OK to make the choice that’s best for you – but you can’t call that action feminist just because you feel you had the option to go the other way.
        Here’s a more in depth explanation if you are curious: http://apracticalwedding.com/2013/10/letter-from-the-editor-feminism/

  7. Denys
    Denys says:

    It sounds like you are taking the advice you gave me last year when I called you for coaching around a business idea. “How many years do you have left homeschooling and being with your kids? Five years? Just recognize you are wanting to get out of the mom ghetto and it’s ok to be in there.”

    Yes you used the term mom ghetto and it was fabulous. I knew in my 20’s when I was hitchhiking across Southern Africa with my friends and then back here working 80 hours a week developing the first online learning programs for a company, that the hardest thing I could ever do with my life is be married and have children and really BE in that world. I lived for recognition, accomplishment, and big bonuses. Those are non-exsistant as a spouse and mother.

    It took me ten years to be ok living in the mom ghetto and another five to feel like it was the best decision I ever made. I had periods of anger and sadness and it’s been an interesting journey. The biggest shock to me still is how women friends I had who had big careers or wanted big careers cut me off when I said I was not coming back from maternity leave. The other big shock is how much I missed working with men.

    I hope you keep blogging here.

    • Lisa
      Lisa says:

      I am not surprised those gals cut you off- guilt, fear and jealousy are not uniquely feminine emotions, but we gals are quite good at executing them. I also had a friend cut me off when I had my first baby and decided to opt out of the Mom/ career race for the past 15 years. Now that both my kids are teens, she has been bugging me to get back together and hang out! I have not responded to her as I am a fanatic about friendship loyalty and loyalty in general; there will be more women who will be supportive and understanding in your life, try to realize that their rejection says EVERYTHING about them, and absolutely nothing about you. I am a RN, so there are LOTS of us who work part time, consult, teach PT, write, etc. I am lucky this way. Your a Mother, you are Blessed!

  8. harris497
    harris497 says:

    Sometimes the kindest thing we can do (for ourselves and others) is to give of ourselves when there is no possibility of gaining anything (tangible) in return. Isn’t that ultimately what good parenting is all about? I know many parents see their kids as investments, but that is unfair to the children for many reasons.
    I can’t afford to give my children so many things, good schools, soccer clubs, piano lessons… anything but food, shelter and homeschooling really. But the one thing they do get is my time, or at least my wife’s time since I have two jobs… We planned it that way and the end result is worth it to us. Wonderful post Pennie, you’ve still got it after all these years.
    Mytwocentsworth:)

  9. Hannah
    Hannah says:

    I feel so weird being an ENTJ mom who has decided to lean out. With Baby #2 on the way, and my husband in grad school, money will be tight, so I’m trying to figure out a little side career, but I really don’t think I’ll mind giving up six figures for more time with kids. Actually, I know I’ll mind, which is why the side career is more about my sanity and less about the money. We’re both rich and resourceful, we could figure out the money thing anytime.

  10. ECH
    ECH says:

    I felt so at peace after reading this blog post last night. Being relatively new to the stay-at-home mom life, I constantly feel like I’m not accomplishing enough. That my resume achievements are quickly fading. That I can’t even embellish when someone asks, “so what do you do?” But every day your advice plays itself out in my mind and I think, “right now, I just need to be calm and enjoy this time with my baby.”

    the other day I was thinking about what i liked the best about my childhood. and i realized that i loved hopping from one yard to the next, having snack at one neighbor’s house and dinner at another’s. i gathered all of the moms’ email addresses on my street and i’ve been planning regular happy hours and play dates. the response has been incredible. new neighbors are now stopping by unannounced and dropping notes with their contact information in my mailbox. apparently i’ve been pegged as the convener.

    so while i won’t get a raise this year or impress anyone with my professional credentials, I am helping to create a community in which my daughter will grow and hopefully she will love that sense of closeness as much as i did. and i’m also connecting moms and finding ways we can support each other, through free babysitting, clothing swaps and meals. and right now, that’s enough.

    thanks for helping me get there.

  11. gena
    gena says:

    Wow… every point resonates with what I’ve done with my life. All 5 points apply.
    Both of us being non-farmers previously (as opposed to you marrying one) we are still on the road to self sufficiency as a way to more naturally experience life, live with the seasons and slow down time… as ironic as it may sound, putting time into gardening seems to slow time down. Being an INFJ, I recently found a new way to slow down time: I say yes to numerous party/social activities propositions which is so against my nature. Many times we end up being unexpectedly surprised and really enjoy meeting new super interesting people around us, all coming here to find whatever was missing in their life.

    I am still shocked with how much it takes to unlearn, how hard it is to accept that simplicity is really the way. Especially in homeschooling (or unschooling whatever). Don’t we just feed them and love them, create the right environment and see them blossom and teach us things we never knew?
    Compare that with: spending all your time working to get them into the right schools, spend all your free time driving them to the right activities, GPA, discipline, optimal career path, testing…. list goes on.
    The no air conditioning thing made me laugh! I didn’t really realize that “I choose to live without it”, but I truly do! Makes shopping in the summer super hard though! Like walking into Ice Age.
    Lastly, as at peace as I am, I would also love to share my story so people don’t make the same mistakes I did. However, thank God I found some kindered spirits in my new environment as majority of friends and even relatives have now cut themselves off, considering me an alien for wanting to be with my kids, abandoning career, living in the middle of nowhere in an unfinished house and feeling happy scooping chicken poop. And those are the people who need my help the most, except the wall between us is now way too high.
    Thanks Penelope, I so enjoy sharing in this journey.

    • Penelope Trunk
      Penelope Trunk says:

      Thanks for the reminder that it’s an unlearning process. Deciding to stay home with kids requires (for most of us) that we unlearn anything people told us about goals. The whole way teachers get you to do school work is to tell you if you do well in school you will grow up and have a great job and make money. So we have in our heads that the whole point of life is to grow up and have a job and make money. Reprioritizing first requires us to unlearn everything people told us about school and goals.

      So, I guess peace is what you get when you unlearn that stuff. And, I want to add that the unlearning you have to do to homeschool is the same type of unlearning —to see the world as it is and not the way someone told you to see it.

      Penelope

  12. Natasha
    Natasha says:

    Thank you for this. I’m a millennial and am getting married next week and hoping to start a family after that. When I read ” earning potential tops out at 40″ I had a moment of panic – And thought “you need to get back on the strong career path”. But then I took a breath and reflected on how much better my life has been since taking a “career shift” about a year ago.
    I also listened to the bigger message in your piece, it truly is ok to take a step back. It’s a conscious choice and it’s been a great one for me.
    Thanks for giving me the little pep talk I needed!
    I took a “career shift” about a year ago and left a $150 k job with crazy hours and

  13. Caroline
    Caroline says:

    I admire your aspirations to be that friend who sits with you and caringly tells you the truth. I put a lot of value on this post. Thank you.

  14. Rachel
    Rachel says:

    I don’t want to be a buzzkill, this was a lovely article, but it can be very bad for wooden instruments to be in too humid an environment. Given how much time and effort you seem to be putting into his (their?) lessons, it would be a shame to have the instruments damaged.

  15. Esther
    Esther says:

    I agree about air conditioning. I love being in tune with the season even if it means baking sometimes and going out to the balcony to fall asleep some nights. And I agree with your son about “too hot to practice.” I only realized how much physical energy I expend playing the flute when I started living with no a/c. I melt. It’s amazing. It makes me realize that playing an instrument is its own form of physical exercise.

  16. Lindsey
    Lindsey says:

    Bravo! Good for you. I agree that is a good way to give back. You answered an email of mine one time and it helped me so much. Ironically, it was about recognizing what I have and letting go of what I don’t have. Now, every time I freak out, I think of you saying that you have to give up a lot to gain a lot–and sometimes that makes you feel like you have everything.

  17. kathleen
    kathleen says:

    Sounds as though you have discovered the peace in surrendering. I had a hard time grasping the seeming contradiction in that sentence. Be well.

  18. me
    me says:

    I just turned 50 & have been trying to make peace with the fact that I still have another six years until I can retire with full benefits after 30 years with my company. I’m stuck in a constant feeling of burnout & rail against the slow passage of time instead of relishing the present.

    Sometimes I wonder: instead of slogging for that much longer doing work I’ve lost my passion for, maybe I’ll just retire in 2 years, accept the income/benefits loss, and start living my (real) life sooner than later.

    That thought, at least, gives me some hope & something to look forward to. I just wonder if I can find the courage to actually do it ….

    P.S. The story about the son’s dead father brought tears to my eyes.

    • Nita
      Nita says:

      May I suggest you take a mini-retirement. People complain about work all the time. Get over it. Take off for 3 weeks and vacation, do something you are saving for retirement. Then come back refreshed with the perspective that a job is for money. Money allows you to enjoy some of the things you like to do. And if you can’t afford to take 3 weeks off – maybe it’s time to downsize things, get a new perspective and take a chance.

  19. Nur Costa
    Nur Costa says:

    I love how honest you are.

    Thanks to that, you get the most insightful comments on the blog. And it’s always a pleasure to read them all.

  20. v
    v says:

    the things i did right- i always held my children, even when my mom and others said they would get used to being held and wear me out. sleep with my children. spend lots of time with them, especially summers as i am a teacher. i never had soda in the fridge. the things i did wrong- put my youngest into preschool when she was 2. i should have kept her with me at least 2 more years. i also cooked a lot of bpa microwave crap. now they are 17 and 19. i can only thank god that i still can exercise my mom muscles as a teacher of young children. now comes the wait (not too soon hopefully) for grandchildren.

  21. HomeschoolDad
    HomeschoolDad says:

    Air conditioning makes people fat – as if we need anything in this country encouraging obesity!

    I have multiple friends in Florida who set their AC at 76 degrees and their heat at 70.

    I’m going to go out on a limb and predict that a dearth of fresh air isn’t good for their long term health.

  22. Maria
    Maria says:

    This is a good article. A side comment:: I have noted some comments here imply Penelope is stay at home mom. She is not! Come on! she is an ENTJ and has a lot of projects going on.. just see this blog, look at Quinstic, coaching business, etc, and for sure she has more projects in her pipeline… that is the way ENTJs function… Running this blog and Quinstic is already a fairly time consuming job… if not a full time job! The difference to people working on a corporate job is that she has much freedom with her deliverables and schedule….

    • Penelope Trunk
      Penelope Trunk says:

      Yeah. This is true. I don’t think any ENTJ mom would stay at home with kids and not have a bunch of side projects. For an ENTJ, staying home with kids is just one more project.

      Penelope

  23. Summer Opsal
    Summer Opsal says:

    Great post Penelope. You are correct- when you respond to emails with advice it makes a big difference. I don’t email you often, but when I do and you respond, it makes my freaking week. Your few chosen sentences are smart and honest. Thank you for helping guide me.

  24. Dana
    Dana says:

    Bravo, Penelope!

    I’m glad you finally have decided to just accept where you are. Christians calls this contentment.
    You’ve done a lot of amazing things in your life and you’re still doing amazing things. You’ve helped me and who knows how many others. If you need validation about your decision I hope my comment helps.
    And by the way, your editor is amazing! This was such a great and easy read.

  25. Rachel
    Rachel says:

    The last link “Air conditioning separates you from your surroundings” is broken and I really wanted to read it!

    Also, I know you spend a lot of time telling people not to feel extraordinary, but I find you so extraordinary. Thank you for writing here and for coaching and emailing someone who doesn’t want to make the same mistakes you made.

    You have helped me in extraordinary ways, that’s what I’m trying to say, I think.

  26. Nita
    Nita says:

    There are times while raising my kids that my husband or I stayed home, flipped our schedules, put them in school with aftercare, had them in childcare. I have always grown up with women in my family that worked, either full time or part time. I didn’t even know people stayed home with their kids until after I was in the workplace. Even so, I wanted to do both. So my husband and I augmented our work schedules. There is nothing wrong with working as a parent as well as there is nothing wrong with staying home. My only issue is if you are staying home, do something part-time to get out of the house, remain employable because I’ve seen a large number of spouses who stayed home and didn’t stay employable be devasted when their spouse could no longer work due to illness or layoffs, if their marriage fell apart and they are left holding the bag – with no skills or ability to take care of their families. As a product of a single parent househould, I never felt wanting when my mother had to work. She had a great extended family who would trade off childcare with her so I was always with my cousins. Therefore, I don’t think a child after a certain age need constant hovering of a parent. Kids are resourceful and having a great parent means more than just having a parent home. I’ve seen lots of parents at home, that complain the entire time, take out their frustrations on their kids, and the kids can’t wait to get some breathing room. There is no perfect answer, however, if you are home – stay plugged in so you can bounce back after the kids grow up.

  27. Mark W.
    Mark W. says:

    It’s only the last few summers I put in a small room air conditioner in my bedroom. It only gets used for those rare times when there’s a long spell of high heat ( 3 days or more in a row) and it doesn’t cool off enough at night to be able to go to sleep.
    The radio in my vehicle hasn’t been working for quite a few years now. I have a replacement that I never bothered to install. I don’t miss the radio. In fact, I prefer to not listen to a radio at all in the car. I just concentrate on driving, watching and noticing my surroundings, and thinking about things that are on my mind. No cell phone or other electronic equipment either.

  28. Lisa
    Lisa says:

    I live without air conditioning too. It was 103 degrees in Portland, OR 10 days ago. I ate a lot of popsicles! I’d rather feel the weather than look out at it.

  29. Emilie
    Emilie says:

    I totally agree with your point about how living with no air conditioning creates a stronger connection between a person and his or her surroundings. I felt this way when I lived in France with no air. It made me feel more alive. In the summer, it was too hot to blow dry my hair, so I spent those ten minutes doing something *hopefully* more useful and satisfying and aware with my time, maybe getting out of the house ten minutes earlier to then walk at a slower pace, taking in so many more sights, sounds, and smells on the way to my destination. I think it’d be too hot, deathly hot, to live without air conditioning where I currently am (Atlanta), but I romanticize about one day living without it, because I realize how it made time slow down, and made me feel more alive and aware.

  30. kris
    kris says:

    I’m currently at home with my three-month-old son. He’s great, I love him. It’s also a huge learning experience and certainly there are elements of “unlearning” involved–just allowing my days to unfold in a simple, organic fashion is certainly not how I’ve lived in a very long time. I could see getting used to this, especially as he matures, but what about the fact that I actually miss work? I mean that I miss being engaged in subtle, complicated abstract-thinking problems. It’s so satisfying to me.

    How are all of you coping with the lack of this type of fulfillment, if you face this problem? How hard and realistic is it to really let go of the guilt involved in such a complicated situation? Also, eventually your kids will need you less in five or seven or nine years, as they start to engage more with the rest of the world–what will you do then? Will you go back to work? Will you continue to be at home?

    I realize there are lots of subtle controllers guiding me towards keeping my job and being an achiever, but jobs give us ideally both mental satisfaction and money. The former makes us happier people and the latter gives us options. I’m afraid of losing options, and I’m afraid being bored or trapped. I also like elements of autonomy, which a job gives us, and autonomy feeds me. I feel desperate and angry without a regular dose of it. (I don’t think it’s fair to say that one must give up autonomy when one becomes a parent. I think teaching autonomy by example could be a great lesson for kids.)

    The easy, obvious answer is that I just figure out new ways to not be bored, find new ways to make money. The money part is pretty easy I guess, but the mental part–realistically, how do I get to play with the kind of problems I get at a large enterprise level? Home life just doesn’t have those kind of logistics. Or, if it does, I don’t get paid to solve those problems. The overlap of money and mental satisfaction seems really important to me.

    • Penelope Trunk
      Penelope Trunk says:

      I think most of adult life is about boredom and entrapment. I don’t think it’s just kids. It’s everything. I mean that’s one way to look at it.

      The forms and lines and rules and regulations that guide us through keeping a roof over our head and food on the table and our butts out of prison — it’s a lot of stuff to do, and none of it is particularly rewarding or stimulating.

      And family is all about entrapment. First you get married and you give up all the possibilities of all the other partners and all the other lives with other partners. Then you have kids and you give up all the things you would have done if you were single.

      You give up your financial freedom when you have kids because you have this nagging feeling you can never give your kid enough.

      It’s just all giving stuff up. But you get stuff. You get the feeling of giving unconditional love. You get the feeling of being cared for by a spouse. You get to have love in your life, which you cannot have if you don’t succumb to being trapped.

      This is all to say that your feelings are normal. And while I’m sure you know a lot of people who stayed home with kids, I don’t think you know a lot of people who are so simple as to feel intellectually fulfilled by kids.

      There are a million ways to find intellectual fulfillment. Your old job in your old life was just one of them. Don’t panic that you don’t see others — you have just entered a new stage of life. You can’t see it all at once.

      Penelope

      • divaonadime
        divaonadime says:

        Spot on penelope .Quoting one of your posts,having too much options set you back. If you have only one option as a stay at home mum ,u gotta make it work. That ‘s what i observed among stay at home mum. Most only have the option of being sahm..after weighing the pros and cons,feeling for the kid over logic n such.

        It took me a while to realize that i do not need a full-time job to have the money n fulfillment. I am a stay at home mum too.We gotta unlearn what we learn in school. School train us to be good workers in order to acheive things in life. But we are capable of creating our own fulfillment ,given constraints. We create our blueprint around our constraint,though might not be as fast a progress as you wish to be. But every inch of improvement counts as a power of small wins leading to accumulative victories.

        One key question to ask,
        What do you want to achieve now,given your current constraint? Set a blueprint. Trial n error. Savor the goods and bads. Being slow and steady might just win the race.

  31. Dorf
    Dorf says:

    Thank you Penelope for this post, especially, but all the others, too! I am so grateful to you and what you put out in the world!

  32. Janice
    Janice says:

    You mentioned the ultimate dilemma of many women around the world: go for a career or stay at home and be devoted to your children. Should I go and have a successful career, should i choose self fulfillment or stay with the kids to give them the best education care they can have?

    The answer to this question is found in our financial reality. Do we have enough money for our needs? Can we live in a one bread owner family?

    The problem is that 90% of the people today cannot afford to give up their career. We raise a generation of children that were not raised by their parents, but by a stranger, not by their own choice. sad. Thanks for brining that up.

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