On Sunday my son sold his pig
When the pig litters came in January, the Farmer helped my son pick out pigs for his 4H project. They picked four, because you never know, really, how a pig will grow. So you start with four and pick two after a few months.
My son woke up every morning and fed his pigs, for six months. And after three months, he walked with the pigs, around in a circle, twice a day, to train the pig for the show.
There is huge variety in the amount of help parents give their kids in these projects. Some kids’ parents buy show pigs from out of state and the kids take very little care of them until the fair. Some kids do everything themselves.
I think it’s a lot like an allowance for a city kid. Each family manages the potential pitfalls of an allowance themselves. (My brother is a banker and he uses allowances to teach the concept of compound interest.) We decided it would be best if our son did most of the work. Doing the work is more important to us than getting a ribbon.
While my son trained the pig, the Farmer trained my son. So much of going to the county fair with a pig is showmanship. There are rules you could never know being an outsider: Always make eye contact with the judge, never show frustration with the pig, keep the pig between you and the judge.
That first rule is huge for my son. He has Asperger's and his eye contact is naturally limited. For someone with Asperger's, eye contact is awkward, overwhelming, and extremely tiring.
The Farmer understands this problem very well, because when the Farmer is having a difficult discussion with me, I cover my eyes. So he focused especially on teaching our son to make eye contact with the judge.
The day of the fair, my son was dressed up. Well, for a farmer. He had on a collared shirt and clean jeans. He had all the accoutrements of a great pig showman, including the brush you use in case the pig gets dirty in the ring. (You brush off the dirt when the judge is not looking — another tricky rule that no city person could glean.) He stood by the pen, watching his pigs, all cleaned up and ready to go for nearly an hour.
We had been preparing for so long. We had done preparation to help my son deal emotionally with the pigs getting slaughtered. We had prepared him for the chaos of lots of pigs, and utter boredom of waiting for his pigs’ weight class to be called. We had not prepared him for the huge tension that permeated the ring.
My son showed four different times. The first time he showed his pig by weight. His pig weighed 287 pounds. As he waited by the show ring for his turn, we realized he would be showing his pig in a weight class with all older kids.
The ring was hot and crowded and chaotic. But guess what? He did a great job.
It turns out that the Farmer was not quite up to date on showing pigs. For one thing, people shave their pigs now and we didn’t know that. So we had the only hairy pig. Another thing: The pig show does not reward pigs who are healthy and trouble-free and can be raised in a profitable family business. So, the pig show rewards a certain kind of shape and heft and it’s a type the Farmer doesn’t raise, so I can’t tell you that our pigs placed very high in the competition.
All those unexpected obstacles did not faze my son. He stuck to what we practiced and did well at that. We showed his pigs three more times. Each time he got a little more confident. And I felt like my son was growing up, right in front of me. There is so much you can do to prepare for the world, but really, you grow only as you succeed or fail. You learn so much about yourself in that moment.
I watched the Farmer watch our son.
And we were both nervous. It’s good to have the feeling that at some point, there is nothing more you can do. At some point, it’s time to fail or not fail. Those moments have been so important for me, and for the Farmer, and I was glad we could give that moment to my son.
And, he still got a ribbon. Third place.
I found myself hugging and kissing the Farmer a gazillion times — one for every hour they spent together practicing. And when there was a special category for kids from farm families (technically: for pigs that were raised on the same farm as the mother pig) where there were only eight qualifying kids (out of about 200 kids showing pigs) and I was so happy to have my son in that bunch. I’m so happy I’m raising my kids on a farm.
Sunday was the auction. The Farmer helped my son wash the pigs to get them ready. This was two days after my son showed his pigs, so by now, he felt like a pro around the stalls at the fair.
I know that the lesson here is that running a business and earning money is really hard work. But the sweetness of my son and the Farmer working together made me choke up again and again. I think there is also a lesson here that if you work with people you love working with, it doesn’t really feel like work.
I was actually worried sick that my son’s pig wouldn’t sell. Most county fairs have a 4H show, but they don’t auction the animals because there wouldn’t be enough bidders. Our county, Lafayette, has an auction that is renowned, even in Wisconsin, for having huge community support. The local businesses bid way above market and neighbors bid on each others’ animals for the sole purpose of creating a good community that teaches kids how to raise an animal and sell it.
To give you an idea of how special this community is when it comes to the 4H auction, San Diego County has 3 million people and it raises $400,000 at their 4H auction at the county fair. Lafayette County raises $100,000 from a population of 15,000.
This is the first sale of the auction.
I was so nervous that Melissa told me, “No more talking!” But I ended up making her register as a bidder because I was so scared that no one would bid.
The auctioneer announces the parents of the kid. I think this is why three bunnies sold for $600. When the auctioneer said “Penelope Trunk,” I felt ill. But then it all happened so fast. He came into the ring, and he looked so in tune with his pig, and so self-confident in his ability to manage the pig.
Bidding started. Market price for a pig like this is sixty cents a pound. The Farmer said anything over ninety-nine cents is a good sale. I told Melissa she should bid if it doesn’t go to a dollar a pound. But right away, the bidding got to a dollar. And the pig sold for $2.50 a pound.
I get choked up writing this. The guy who bought the pig is a guy who buys a lot of cattle from the Farmer. The guy who bought the pig is a farmer himself. He’ll eat the pork, for sure, but I’m sure he bought the pig because he believes in 4H and the county fair and what it teaches kids. And he believes we are part of the community, too: me and my sons and the Farmer.
He’s a really cute boy.
One of your BEST! This was a great read. Nice job.
Your best post ever, i think. This stuff is real, and it is what is important in life. The other stuff you write about pales in comparison. Good for you.
This is one of my favorite posts on your blog.
But I wanted to comment on one thing you said:
“It’s good to have the feeling that at some point, there is nothing more you can do. At some point, it’s time to fail or not fail.”
The feeling you described is actually my favorite feeling in my professional life. I have never thought about it until I read that line – but that is exactly what I love about taking a risk in my business. I don’t mean crazy risks – I mean, working hard at something and putting yourself out there and letting the chips fall where they will. I love that.
Wow lots of comments today! Great post Penelope and congratulations to your son and The Farmer. It’s what life is all about isn’t it?
I’ve never wrote a comment on here before, but something about this post moved me. It left a smile on my face. Not just because of the fantastic life lessons your son is acquiring, or his experiences that will ultimately shape him into a productive member of society. But also because your community seems to be slowly opening their arms to you and your family. I think that is a beautiful thing. Keep up the good work, Penelope.
Most of the time when I read your stories, I think that you’re a bit off the wagon (at least from my point of view) but you are doing great with your children and you’re teaching them well. You are a good mother and in the end of the day, that’s all what counts! Kudos to you!
Thank you for sharing your beautiful story.
Some Post.
The best line in the entry, maybe in any entry you’ve ever written: “I watched the Farmer watch OUR son.” *Tears streaming*
You made this former 4H kid-turned city dweller cry while sitting in my cube. I showed pigs at my county fair in Iowa for years, and this post captured that experience – both the pig showing and the larger cultural context in which county 4H fairs occur – perfectly. And then I sent it to my sister, brother, and parents…and it made my sister cry too.
Great post,
Jen
Love it! Love 4-H :)
I just finished up my “Proud Aunt” post from our County Fair. Three kids, two fairs, goat, sheep, horses, and one steer. What a crazy couple of weeks!
Sure wish Melissa and her fancy camera could have followed us around.
I’ve been reading your blog for several years now, and I am really liking the direction it’s headed.
Curious…does your ex husband mind that when you refer to your sons and the farmer, you call them “our sons”? I am curious, because as a child of divorce I feel like many parents wouldn’t like that–though I think having a healthy blended family where kids feel wanted and loved by every kind of parent is the best. Kudos to the Farmer and your ex, and you!
Long ago when you went to Wisconsin I hoped you might see farm country. Then you met the farmer and now live on a farm. It is such a great place for you and the boys. What a price. I was so excited by the end of the story. Nice looking Hampshire pig in the last photo, other varieties in early photos. I will assume your son’s was a Hampshire. Nice picture of your son that sure looks like you. Great story and lessen. Very much enjoyed the San Diego example to show the interest in your area. Don’t you wish others could know about a farm in the way that you now know. Hope the reluctant problematic step grandparents missed out completely and wish otherwise. Great post, thanks. I will be rereading this post anytime I want to feel good.
That’s so exciting!
I guess if you shave the pig then you don’t have to primp and spray it.
This is so precious! There was something so endearing about your son and his short (compared to the other kids) stature, standing with his back to the camera, ready to show his pig and take pride in something.
I found this so touching! And what a cute close up of his blue eyes! How wonderful for him! There was something so touching about this post! I think it’s that your son really invested in something he cared about and followed through with it and had the chance to be part of a community and proud. Sadly, that is becoming so rare these days!
The photo of him standing alone with his back turned to the camera and the number pinned to his shirt, ready to go, with that cute, scrappy little bowl cut, is just so endearing and sweet! Love it!
This is so precious! There was something so endearing about your son and his short (compared to the other kids) stature, standing with his back to the camera, ready to show his pig and take pride in something.
I found this so touching! And what a cute close up of his blue eyes! How wonderful for him! There was something so touching about this post! I think it’s that your son really invested in something he cared about and followed through with it and had the chance to be part of a community and proud. Sadly, that is becoming so rare these days!
The photo of him standing alone with his back turned to the camera and the number pinned to his shirt, ready to go, with that cute, scrappy little bowl cut, is just so endearing and sweet! Love it!
Great post,awesome pictures,both your sons are very handsome lads.I love how you teach your sons to be responsible and caring at the same time.And I couln’t help noticing how proud and appreciative you are of the Farmer and his parenting…that’s a good recipe for marital bliss!
This was a beautiful post. It makes me think that there should be a movie about your life.
By the way, next time you think about hitting the farmer over the head with a lamp, read this again.
This post is one of the best things I’ve read online. Not just of your stuff, but everything.
Long time reader here. Had to come out from my lurker mode to say BRAVO! BRAVO! So happy for you and your family! Such a great, heartwarming post. Thank you for sharing it with us!
THE HAIRY PIG TAKES 3RD PLACE!!!
precious post …. a big highfive to Farmer Trunk Jr. !
I’m a city gal. My niece and nephews are farm raised, and they did 4H and when I came to the US to visit them, I’d be part of that community. I once said to my 9 year old nephew, “Wow, look at the long hair on those sheep” to which he replied, “those are goats”…well how was I to know they had long haired goats…
I really loved this post. It touched me as a mother and an entrepreneur. Thank you so much Penelope for a lovely post. And congratulations!
Chills, goosebumps, tears…in that order
Also, I cover my eyes during intense conversations too and I don’t have aspergers.
I teared up reading this post. My parents have retired to a farming community in Tasmania, and they are the happiest they have ever been – due largely to becoming part of a farming community. I can really understand why you’re so glad that your kids are getting to experience life in a community like this. Thank you for sharing the highs and the lows of farm life!
What a wonderful place to live! And what a wonderful son you are raising :-)
Thank you everyone for these comments. I am so stunned by the outpouring of kindness and support here. I feel so lucky, and each time I come back here to read comments, I feel weepy from gratitude for all this support.
Penelope
I loved this post; choked up with happy tears and so proud of you all
This is a really great post. I love your blog — this one brought tears to my eyes because I really miss my rural Wisconsin home and the county fair and 4H auction and country life in general. Thank you so much for this.
I got all choked up reading it too. Then I thought, “That boy just made enough to buy his own piglets & feed next year, from one pig! Wow! Impressive!”
Penelope,
Beautiful post, beautiful photos! I have been a vegetarian for about 30 years (for about 16 reasons), but not on a personal crusade to convert everyone. If one must eat meat, I do feel less bad about it when at least there is this level of personal responsibility, awareness and caring for the animal.
If anyone would like to live and raise a few animals on a 1 acre “ranchette” 125 miles to the east of San Diego, with a few pomegranates, figs, oranges and the world’s best grapefruit (locally called pamplemousse), I would love to hear from them. Will also include hens laying blue and brown eggs and the world’s most beautiful and chivalrous rooster. Bidding starts at $220K. I want to move fulltime to a sailboat in San Diego, where I work.
As a 4-H alum (active member for 11 years, baby!) this post means a lot. My mom is still very active in the county fair, and the number of children in 4-H there is dwindling. The fair is over today actually, and she called me yesterday to say ‘The number of entrants, compared to when you were in 4-H, is probably less than half’. Such a change in ten years! It’s a great program, I got so much out of it. I hope more people can see the value 4-H has for children (and parents!) Thank you :)
In your quest for an intesting life, it appears you have stumbled upon a happy life. Isn’t that interesting?
This is the greatest parenting story I’ve ever read.
So happy for you. So happy for the farmer. So happy for your son. And so happy for Melissa. You are all learning from each other. It’s a wonderful thing.
Thx for sharing…
Amy Parmenter
The ParmFarm.com
The post was a work of art.
I will have a ham sandwich in your son’s honor!
Ah, I get it! You’re raising a MAN.
You realize, of course, that he’ll never fit in among the liberal elite now. ;-)
LOVE the look of PRIDE in that 3rd place ribbon. Well earned and well done!
Orion
I don’t know y’all from Adam but I am proud of you, your son, the Farmer, and the man who bought the pig. I’m not sure exactly why your post resonates so much, maybe it gives me hope that there are still enough good people out there and because reading about a parent who believes in her child enough to let him do his best, sink or swim, without living his life for him.
Congratulations to both you and your son, and thank you for the excellent post.
Happy for your happiness. May you go from strength to strength. You deserve it.
I’m not sure I could sell a pig who so obviously liked being washed down. I’d have to raise goats or cows, I suppose. Chickens, maybe.
That is one cute kid you have.
Yay Kid! Yay! awesome Farmer! And Yay! Penelope. I’m so deeply happy for you all.
I wish you continued happiness.
I come of the yuppie generation, and one of our many very unprepossessing traits is the neurotic insulation of kids from the world. What I found was that when you broke through that – or forced your wife to break through it – there was such scope for the world to help you raise your kids. All kinds of people – coaches, teachers, older kids, policemen, store detectives, district attorneys, crusty old neighbors, all knew exactly what to say and teach your children at exactly the minute they needed it. If you got out of the way and let them operate, they brought funds of knowledge, competence, understanding and love to your kids, that you might never have suspected.
This tallies perfectly with my memories of showing animals (swine and steers) as I was growing up outide Tulsa OK. Only then, the assumption was that the animal was being shown by a rural, not an urban kid.
And we didn’t sell our animals (although the sale is usually a big part of the show process) – they went to our own custom packer and the custom cured bacon and perfect 1-1/4 inch ribeyes graced our own table.
Very nice story with good pictures too.
My wife and I and kids moved out to the country to an old farmhouse with a decrepit old barn and got them involved in 4-H and livestock.
We literally knew next to nothing, but with guidance of the 4-H leaders we learned a lot about raising rabbits, chickens and pigs. So not only did the boys learn about raising and showing livestock, we did too. Your piece rekindled those memories of having the vet look at a sick piglet, of freshly washed pigs rolling in the manure pile, of a pig in the show ring that laid down and wouldn’t move, of chasing down a rogue animal that broke free of the fences, of the frustration trying to get the pigs from pen to trailer and most importantly, of young impatient unknowing boys become mature, patient, strong young men.
The kids have gone to on college and are establishing themselves in their careers. The old barn collapsed a few years ago – it was in such bad condition it wasn’t worth fixing. The volunteer fire department, burned it two years ago and just today, the remains were buried, so the memories are all that remain.
So once again, thanks for the memories.
As a chef I love this story, I like knowing my supplier has real connections w/what he sells me.
Wonderful article – thank you so much. You, your son, your fmaily and the pigs brought tears to my eyes while I am at work of course. Family does matter and your son is so very lucky to have you as a mom!!!! I am sure that success will be knocking at his door when he reaches manhood.
My 17 year old son just has been a 4-H member since he was six. He started raising pigs at age 9 in 4-H and winning some of his market and showmanship classes (but not all the time – one learns more from failures than successes). From there he became a junior leader and a teen leader. As his days in 4-H wind down, I feel a great despair at no longer having the pigs and going to fair every year. But the future is bright for him as his goal is to become a large animal vet. His days in 4-H and Junior/High School Rodeo (since the age of 3) have had a huge influence on him.
Congratulations to you and your son. God bless all of you…..
I love this post for many reasons already stated, but I also think it illustrates beautifully the value of community. You and your family have made it a priority to become integrated into your community and you’re showing the value of that to both parties. Everyone becomes stronger when the community is positive and supportive and when it’s people are positive and supporting. And good communities are welcoming and supportive of the kinds of diversity and eccentricity that each of us carries with us. Congratulations!
Can’t really tell you how happy I was to read this. The pictures were blocked but it didn’t matter. I’m happy for you, your son and the farmer and really happy that, in some parts of our country, people still care about their young.
In the midst of all the idiocy coming out of Wash DC, it is nice to know that there are still real people left in this country.
It must feel real nice being part of such a community. Days like this make up for the low-level, day-to-day ostracism (like from the farmers family) that you have experienced.