The biggest triumph is getting out of bed
Psychology Today did an interview with me. It was about my most triumphant moments in my life, and how I overcame obstacles to get there. I knew immediately that the interview was going to be a disaster, so I told them I wanted to do the interview written, rather than on the phone.
Then I didn't write the interview for a week.
Then I complained about the questions: I don't really believe in triumph. Because the most triumphant moments are the days when I have no idea how I’m going to fix anything, but I get out of bed anyway. On the other hand, the moments of huge achievement are not actually that hard to get to. By the time you’re close, you are so motivated to get there that it doesn’t feel like work at all.
So I wrote that. And then I felt bad. So I tried to give an example. People like examples. And I like Psychology Today. And I didn't want to disappoint them.
So I wrote that the moment when I was a freelance writer and a new mom and had post-partum depression but I knew I had to keep working so I had to get out of bed and write. Maybe there were fifty moments like that. Or five hundred. But those are the moments of triumph. The thing is, I think it was probably messed up that I kept working and did not check myself into a hospital. And then I started thinking that all my moments of triumph came at the heels of me having done something totally terrible.
Like, let me tell you right now that before I could play volleyball professionally, I was literally starving. So I stole bagels at the bagel shop. I have had about ten editors take that out of my writing. Out of my Business 2.0 column, out of my book, and my editor will tell me now that this is not good to put in a post. Stealing is bad, right? But my point is that it's very hard to do some extraordinary triumph without taking some extraordinary risk or making an odd judgment that other people would not make. That's why the triumph is extraordinary.
Another thing about the bullshit of big triumphs: Our big moments — where we can change the world — come because so many other people have helped us, and luck has come to us. But our small moments, when no one is watching and no one cares and the only thing that makes us try again is an unreasonable belief that we can get what we want for ourselves — those are the triumphs that we do all by ourselves.
When I have been on the cusp of huge success, there have always been people to help me. For example, my agent stayed with me when I was out of money but about to get a six-figure book deal.
But there was no one helping me get out of bed the day I knew I had to start writing my book proposal even though the odds of getting a big book deal from it were terrible. The daily task of believing things will improve when then things look bad. We do that on our own, and each time I do it I am thankful, in a deep, spiritual way. I’m not sure what keeps me going when everything looks terrible, but I know that each time I do it, it’s a triumph. And it happens a lot.
Another thing. Everyone, please shut up about your biggest failures. I hate when people write about their failures because they always write about how they pulled themselves up, or what they learned. And really, then, it’s not a failure, is it? It’s a learning opportunity, or a chance to shine. Failure is something you did not overcome. You did not learn from. And most people are too embarrassed to write about it. High achievers don’t have failures because they can learn from everything.
There is no finish line, there is no gold prize. There is only living with yourself, day after day. So each day needs to be a small triumph so you can pat yourself on the back before you go to sleep. I try to do that. Today’s triumph is doing this interview with Psychology Today. Sure, I couldn't quite do it, and I had to be quirky and weird, and it probably cost me getting into the article. But at least I wrote something.
Wonderfully fabulous post. Thank you.
Penelope,
I think you might like this quote from Helen Keller: I long to accomplish a great and noble task, but it is my chief duty to accomplish small tasks as if they were great and noble.
You don’t cut down the tree with the first swing of the axe. Little triumphs are what produce the big ones. Keep swinging.
Jen
“The Biggest Triumph Is Getting Out Of Bed.”
I think I need to tattoo it to my wrist.
Seriously.
Penelope, I love you.
Thank you for your writing.
I think it’s harder to find people that will offer their support when a person is down-and-out, things aren’t going well, and they look/feel like a mess. When things are really going well for a person, they radiate, they are excited, upbeat, look like they are doing well and going places. It’s easier to support someone who is already well on their way to success and receptive. Just like how personal victories when you’re down-and-out are more triumphant, when people stick by you and help you when you’re down-and-out, it’s that much more meaningful.
Good post today, it made me remember that I’m not failing miserably when I’m being too hard on myself.
I think it’s true that it’s very hard to get someone to help you when you look miserable and hopeless. I think sometimes we have to put on an act that we believe in ourselves. Sometimes we have to do it to convince ourselves, and sometimes we have to do it to convince other people. But in general, I think putting on an act actually works a lot of the time.
Penelope
It is definitey hard to sit up, swing your legs outta bed and face the day…well, some days…most days I would say.
But what I wonder is…
Does anyone have like a ‘sour’ stomach if you haven’t had much sleep that night?
I bet some of you have it ALL the time, but…
Yeah. Whenever I don’t get enough sleep, in the morning, It’s there, and it feels “exactly” like ‘you didn’t get enough sleep last night.”
I’ve asked several people, and they claim not to have had a sour stomach when not getting enough sleep.
So, the day goes on…it’s there….then…at night…
I lose it…I get my second wind and I’m ready again to stay up nice and late.
I work online at home, and since it’s also my hobby, I usually spiratically work throughout the day, but work until around 10:00 p.m……THEN do I watch t.v. from 11:00 to like 2:30 ish…without the sour stomach I drudged on through the day.
I usually sleep much better the next night. : )
“Also, I completely believe in Karma. People who make bad judgment calls end up eating it in the end. A bad attitude= negative things occurring in your life..Or is it just that because you have a bad attitude, it appears negative things are occurring in your life?”
You’re entitled to your beliefs, but please tell me you don’t tell people that in response to hearing their bad news.
i say that as someone who grew up in cancer alley and just got diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer now appearing in my bones.
And thanks Penelope. After my news, getting up every day, and going into the world takes as much courage…as you already know.
I really loved this post, Penelope. It is amazing how you can weave different stories into one cohesive blog post.
Awesome, and I totally agree. When people talk of failures, they give it a golden edge – thats not true.
Im surprised you did not link to Psychology Today
Penelope, I totally agree. It’s the small, hidden moments in life that count. Oftentimes we forget about them because we learn to regard our big “successes” – career, money, etc. as the ones to be proud of. But it’s in the small moments when we, as humans, display our real strengths.
you can show other people what you learned/how you pulled yourself up. Then when they hit that roadblock they’ll see that this kind of thing happens to high achievers all the time, and the only thing to do is move on. I think the most profound moment of my career was realizing that all these “overnight successes” had actually been working nonstop for years to get that success.
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I struggle to get out of bed every day. It’s the hardest thing I do all day. But I know I have to, to get the reward of living my life.
To me, this also sounds relevant to relationships. It’s when you don’t want to clean up but you know it’s your turn, when you don’t want to take the video back but you do because he did it the last 10 times, when you look after the kids so he can go surfing…
It’s all the little, hard, giving, things that you put in, that make it all work.
Great post.
Loved the post. It’s important to talk about failures more then talking about good things
This line resonated most with me:
"Another thing about the bullshit of big triumphs: Our big moments – where we can change the world – come because so many other people have helped us, and luck has come to us."
You're so right. My family is forever patting me on the back for starting this business from scratch down in Mexico and I am forever saying that I could not have done it alone. They kind of recognize that but I think they still see it as my personal triumph. It's true, that if I were to specifically call it a triumph that I didn't walk out on the place when things were going horribly not as I expected, then yes, it's a personal triumph. But they're congratulating me for the fact that the business is doing well, and getting to that point has involved so many people that I could never take full credit for it.
“But my point is that it's very hard to do some extraordinary triumph without taking some extraordinary risk or making an odd judgment that other people would not make. That's why the triumph is extraordinary.”
Right there? That is it. That is the truth. The So Very True you need an award for it saying it. The part that pisses me off is when people look at your success, then look back at that strange decision, and tell you that was wrong becuase it was quirky or unconventional, and in your heart, you’re saying, “And that’s why you’re not achieving.”
I swear those moments are The moment of success because the universe has double-dog dared you and you didn’t back down.
When I read the title of your article I knew your words would resonate with me. My mother recently died and these last couple of months have been…well, hell without her. We were very close and it’s a wound that will never heal. Needless to say, getting out a bed for me is a triumph. Even getting through the day is a triumph. Bravo for speaking the truth and relishing in the little things that get us by.
The problem is, so many people take getting into bed at night for granted. There is only the hum-drum, boring, low level never ending stress to contend with, never anything monumentally significant, or even life threatening. Subsequently, there’s little or nothing from which to draw a comparison. If ever there came a time when you had to overcome some serious adversity, the kick in the ass you’d experience from surviving would ignite your passion for life all over again – regardless of the daily toil. Check out some examples of “mental toughness” here:
http://www.highintensityteambuilding.com/wordpress/admin/keynote-speaking/mentally-tough/
Wow! Raw and powerful and so true.
This is one of your best posts, Penelope. Soaring triumphs are easy for al the reasons you stated. It’s the agonizing climb that tests our mettle.
One thing about the small triumphs…the way to transform the small triumphs into big ones is to weave them together into a story as you look back on them.
We are all the authors of our own life, and how we write that narrative can have a huge impact. That’s what this post does; it weaves those small triumphs into an inspirational lesson that you couldn’t possible have seen while you were wallowing in depression and bagel-stealing.
Great post. I have a similar challenge. I work full-time and am an aspiring business book writer. For me the biggest challenge is not going to bed.
“Another thing about the bullshit of big triumphs: Our big moments – where we can change the world – come because so many other people have helped us, and luck has come to us. But our small moments, when no one is watching and no one cares and the only thing that makes us try again is an unreasonable belief that we can get what we want for ourselves – those are the triumphs that we do all by ourselves.” – the most profound quote and most personal to me – that i have read from your blog the past two years…True, Profound, Deep and Meaningful…
thanks P!!!
M
Life is made up of the small stuff, the everyday challenges. Focusing on the journey makes the destinations more delightful. Plus you build character while you overcome the “getting out of bed” moments. Most everyday we have chances to carry on with passion or just give up.
Wonder if Psychology Today will have enough wisdom to really run with your interview? Because a huge number of people in this world would be so much happier if they really understood and accepted what you state in your post. It’s the little, unseen, unknown things we do that actually define who we are.
“The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known struggle, known loss and have found their way out of the depths. These people have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.
-Elizabeth Kubler-Ross
Thanks for the memories Penelope.
What you have that is hard to find? The real – that’s why I read you.
And it’s good that you overruled your editor.
Somewhere I once read … ‘the only real failure is not trying in the first place …’ this fits you Ms P – we should put it on a shirt for you – best le
As usual, pearls of wisdom coming from Penelope Trunk! I admire your courage. In addition to being a bit of a marketing genius, you appear to possess the wonderful gifts of Bravery, Authenticity, and Curiosity.
Martin Seligman talks about the 24 signature strengths in his Positive Psychology. [AuthenticHappiness.sas.upenn.edu. You have to sign up for an account, but it’s all free.]
I identify with you, Penelope. My highest strength is Bravery. I’m very high on Authenticity as well. Another high one that I’ve got is Learning, which is of course related to Curiosity.
I strongly believe that there are ways to improve oneself, including the ease with we get out of bed. I’ve improved greatly in how good I feel psychologically, and I believe that I can help others do the same.
Furthermore, there seems to be good reason to believe (although it’s certainly not guaranteed) that I’ll be happier in the future than I am right now. As long as I continue doing what’s working, putting the effort in to improve myself, my behavior, and my attitudes, things will continue to get better. This includes being willing to trying new things to make myself and my life even better.
In this last regard, it seems that I may be somewhat unlike you Penelope. You seem to believe that life won’t get better or easier:
“Life is very hard. And there is no sane reason to believe it will, at some point, get easier. So why do we keep going? I don't know. This fascinates me.”
~ Penelope Trunk, “How to Write About Your Life”
To me, the fact that you apparently hold this belief makes it even more heroic and admirable that you prevail in the struggle to get out of bed. Many, many people do struggle with this, and especially in our lonely, commercialized, and achievement-obsessed culture.
It appears that we we need Hope in order to be truly happy, and this is something that I myself have been cultivating in many ways, despite the difficulty of the task.
Examining my own thinking and to what extent it serves me has been a big part of that.
I have my work cut out for me!
It really is the little successes in life that matter – especially for those of us that can’t always find a reason to get out of bed in the morning.
This is why I called my book Bounce! not Bounce! Back. Failure and success are just part of the cycle of life and business. Many times there is no value in failure. We need to let go of our failures and move on to another chance to succeed
One of your best posts ever, Penelope. This one will be read by me multiple times for sure.
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Was it Woody Allen who said that 90% of life is just showing up? Great post, Penelope.
“our small moments, when no one is watching and no one cares and the only thing that makes us try again is an unreasonable belief that we can get what we want for ourselves – those are the triumphs that we do all by ourselves.”
That is the best thing I’ve read in a long time. Thank you for your honesty, and for all your personal triumphs.
Perseverance is absolutely critical to success. And it’s the day-by-day tasks that matter the most.
And like you say, it’s also important to have support. It’s hard to be successful in social isolation.
You know, I appreciate this blog so much. Maybe I spend too much time with my head up in the clouds, but I still find oodles of value in honesty–even if that honesty is that you stole a few (or a million) bagels.
I might not be in the popular majority, but omissions like that only make me want to read MORE about you. So, thanks for that.
I love this post. It’s so true. I think that the small things I do each day – whether it’s just a shift in how I handle a situation, or speaking my mind when I normally wouldn’t – are the most important things in terms of taking control of my life and really embracing it. Those are the things I feel really good about because it’s all me, it’s my own strength being put to the test. But it’s hard to describe that to other people; those little things seem so small and insignificant. I’m glad you seem to think the same way. :)
Thank you for that post, P!
I know exactly what you are talking about. I lie in bed in the mornings, feeling fully rested and have that little talk with myself. “Sit up and swing your legs over the side, Alana.”
“But if I do that, the day starts and it’s chaotic, stressful, full of responsibility, never stopping until I get back tot his sublime spot of quiet thought, my bed.”
I know that, in May, when I’ve succeeded in getting my degree as a single, full-time working mom, I will be proud I did get up each day and excel. But for now, that one moment each morning is more difficult than the several 1200 word sociology papers due each week.
However, there will never be recognition for each moment that I have just kept going when I thought I could not. That fact cannot stop me from doing it over and over again.
Love all your posts, Penelope, but this one especially!!
A
Alana when u do get ur degree i will root for u , just like im right now- u go gurl!
Hi, everyone. I am so touched by the comments here. I have to say that this blog, so often, reminds me that I’m not alone, and this is one of those times. It was so hard to tell Psychology Today that I don’t believe in the premise of their question. But the reaction in the comments tell me that I’m not alone, and it doesn’t have to be hard to feel the way I do. I am filled with gratitude that there is a community of people who think in similar ways to me, and it’s right here. Thank you so much.
Penelope
I’m glad that the comments here were finally able to give something back to you, P.
Thank you for this post! I love your raw honesty and insight. This really hit home for me. Keep on doing your thing, Penelope!
Hands down my favorite post of all time.
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“There is only living with yourself, day after day”
And yet this seems to be my biggest challenge. All day, every day. Stupid black dog.
“80 per cent of success is just showing up”
I think this same thing every morning on the bus to work. Even if the black dog is riding on the seat next to me.
Thank you Penelope, I needed to read this post today.
Thank you for that! I think this post is one of the best I’ve read so far.
Hi Penelope,
pretty interesting post. Stumbled over through Internet search. I must say, you are absolutely right. The most interesting part is doing the everyday job that no one sees instead of the big presentation that has been prepared by so many people oh so long.
It really depends on what you focus as far as I can see. Getting out of bed – as you describe it – can be a triumph, but hey, then try and use if for your difficult day to come. Increase this triumphant feeling! I know, it’s not possible every time but why not work with assets that have been given to us?
P.
Kind of like that saying: Your true character is how you behave when no one is watching.
Getting out of bed isn’t hard if you do something you really like first thing in the morning. For me it’s some exercise with great music. (I actually hate some parts of the exercise so I finally realized it’s the music I look forward to.) But, that gets me going and then I dive into the difficult stuff known as work – along with plenty of coffee.
“There is no finish line, there is no gold prize. There is only living with yourself, day after day. So each day needs to be a small triumph so you can pat yourself on the back before you go to sleep.”
This is both true and depressing. I work so much and sleep so little that only caffeine gets me through the day.
Sorry to bring this up so late in the game but there’s the saying that depression is the “flu” of mental health. Most dismiss the gloomy, “I don’t want to get out of bed” feeling as just being under the weather. As I have been struggling with depression, as most adults so (whether they admit it or not), my actions and the actions of those around me have a more meaningful meaning.
All I can say is wow – what honesty and candor?! I really enjoyed reading this article because of its bluntness, pragmatism, kindness and compassion.
Life is not so simple that we can label our lives with “triumphs and failures.” Life is messy and complicated and that’s what makes us human.
A wise man once said to me, “The challenge is not being crushed by the ordinariness of everyday life.”
I really think some have totally missed the point and message of this topic. That feeling of not being able to face the day has nothing at all with laziness and not being a morning person or even not having enough sleep.
Laziness has nothing to do with clinical depression. Laziness has nothing to do with being overwhelmed by life’s responsibilities. I am working full time, carrying a full senior level college course load, rearing two children and taking care of all the varied other responsibilities that come with owning a house and pets…ALONE. I don’t have a lazy bone in my body. In fact, I push myself beyond most people’s limits and continue to succeed.
People are commenting on getting enough sleep and not being lazy, but I can’t see that Penelope is a lazy insomniac either. It’s that mental battle to continue to achieve when there’s no one there rallying you to go, go, go! It’s that picking yourself up and being your own self motivator even when you know your day will be spent holding your child’s head as he vomits up every bit of bile from his stomach because he’s just been given heavy chemo. (This was me two years ago.)
This is what she is talking about. It’s about that moment when the alarm goes off and all the responsibilities of the day clobber you on the head, and you think, “I don’t think I can do it.” But you get up and you do it, despite the difficulty and the fact that no one is going to be there cheering you on or patting you on the back. Does anyone congratulate me when I get out the door and into my office on time? No, but they sure chew my ass if I’m late no matter what I’ve achieved just to get here at all…dogs fed, snacks packed, lunch money doled out, papers turned in, doors locked and lights turned out.
Some of you are completely missing the deeper meaning behind the statement “the greatest achievement is getting out of bed.”
Alana