How Successful People Deal with Asperger’s

I get an incredible amount of email from people with Asperger Syndrome. It's all really similar. Here's a sample:

“I'm 45 and a lawyer and I have Aspergers. I don’t know what is appropriate, and not appropriate some of the time, such as talking too much about very personal info, or saying something that offends someone.

“I’ve gone through many friends in life. Most can’t deal with me, I’ve never been married, relationships get complicated, but luckily I’ve had a few who hung on regardless of my flaws.

“How do you feel and deal with the fallout when you say things that cause more problems than you would have had if you just kept your mouth shut? I want to take the attitude that if I say something inappropriate and it’s held against me, screw ‘em, I’m not going to worry about it, life is short.

“Do you think there a way of saying inappropriate, blunt things into an asset even though others don’t approve of your behavior?”

I respond to everyone. I don't even know why I'm writing this in a post — that I respond to all my emails. Because it just means I'll get more. But I think, even though I know it's terrible time management to respond to all emails, I must like it because look: I launched the Mailbag section. The emails are probably human contact that I need.

I was going to respond to this guy via email, and then I thought how we all have problems that we don't know how to solve. Asperger's is interesting to people in part because it's just one version of the bazillion versions of personality flaws that each of us has to deal with about ourselves.

I am similar to the guy in the email above: I go through friends fast. I piss off colleagues. I feel lucky when people hang onto me. Honestly, I get frustrated with trying to fit in. It’s really hard work and I’m really bad at it and it makes me want to give up.

I keep myself from giving up by making rules for myself. I can't make the problem go away, but I can manage myself to limit how often my deficits will show. Here are three rules I have:

1. Don't talk if possible.
Ryan Healy once told me that the only time I sound normal is when I'm giving an interview to a journalist. This is probably true. Because it's not really a two-way conversation. It's lecturing. In non-lecture situations I try very hard to say as little as possible, especially when situations seem like they have social conventions tied to them. I assume I do not know the rules. I try to tell people what I’m feeling so they know that I am trying hard to say the right thing even if I am not saying the right thing.

2. Don't use the phone.
For some reason, people feel that a phone call does not have to stay on topic. In fact, people open up a phone call by talking with you about the thing that is not the topic. For example, “How have you been?” This question is disconcerting for me. Is the person really calling to talk about our mental state? Or do they mean our physical state? Or is that a fake question and the real topic is coming. I get nervous immediately because I don't know what we are talking about. In an email, though, I can read through the whole thing, get to the topic, and respond directly to the topic. Email is so straightforward, and even if it's not, it's asynchronous, so I can ask for help.

3. Don't tell jokes.
It will surprise you, I think, that I am very shy about making a joke. I do not understand jokes other people make, and I have been told that I make the kind of jokes a ten-year-old makes. (I love puns, for example, and I make pictures of people in Legos.) I know that people think this blog is funny. I know people think I'm funny. But the Farmer once explained me this way: “She is funny, but she doesn't know she is being funny. She is sitcom-funny.”

I make rules like those three but I still get into lots of trouble.

The truth is that the only thing I am good at when it comes to dealing with Asperger's, is controlling my environment and getting help when I can’t. For example, there was tons of stupid stuff in this post that my blog editor cut.

When I have an email to answer that I think is complicated in the social rules department, I will forward it to a friend to ask if my answer is going to be okay.

I have a small group of friends that will edit me. I know which one will edit which thing, and when is a good time to reach them without bugging them.

When I want to throw a fit at work, I have a board member whose major job on the board is to keep me at bay. And I love him for helping me.

If I could give one piece of advice to everyone with Aspergers it would be to surround yourself with people who will help you and then trust them; do what they say.

And parents, if you have a kid with Asperger's teach them to ask for help. Posing the question is so difficult. It's so much easier to spew information than ask for information.

And for all of you who do not have Aspergers, I think there is a lesson here as well: We each have a deficit that could hold us back. Get help for it, on a regular basis. No one can get through life as a lone ranger.

 

Posted in Diversity, Office politics
59 comments on “How Successful People Deal with Asperger’s
  1. Bill says:

    I knew my luck couldn’t last. Looking forward to the next photo.

  2. Debi Pfitzenmaier says:

    I have shared this with my 13 year old who has Aspergers. For the first time, I think he understands that it’s not him…that he’s not a bad person…and that he just needs to find ways to adjust how he interacts with the world. Sometimes, you just need to hear it from somebody else.

  3. Chris Yeh says:

    Now I’m curious–what do I edit for you?

  4. Matt Friedman says:

    This describes me very well, and I so appreciate those I can depend on for help. It is still difficult to ask, and to know what to ask for help with.

  5. Josh Schroeder says:

    I’m waiting for someone to write this blog post, but for adult ADD instead of Asperger’s.

  6. Alice Bachini-Smith says:

    I have real trouble giving a crap about what’s appropriate, when I’m already following my heartfelt values anyway- being nice, friendly, respectful, moral etc- and when the definition of appropriateness is based on majority rule by the neurologically typical. Obviously in many career situations one is not going to succeed by failing to fit in, so pragmatically it makes sense to rub down a few rough edges. But I would have thought the best way to avoid losing friends is by attracting people who genuinely like you in the first place, by being yourself as you are, expressing your own true values in your actions. So I am wondering whether you consider fitting in to be a pragmatic imperative in some areas of life, or a moral directive in everything. (There’s going to be a line here between high-functioning and more disabled people on the autism spectrum of course.) Is it that important to make other people feel comfortable all the time, or might be it OK to go about challenging their prejudices, maybe? Disabled people used to be tabboo; I wonder if autistic people still are.

  7. Alice Bachini-Smith says:

    I have real trouble giving a crap about what’s appropriate, when I’m already following my heartfelt values anyway- being nice, friendly, respectful, moral etc- and when the definition of appropriateness is based on majority rule by the neurologically typical. Obviously in many career situations one is not going to succeed by failing to fit in, so pragmatically it makes sense to rub down a few rough edges. But I would have thought the best way to avoid losing friends is by attracting people who genuinely like you in the first place, by being yourself as you are, expressing your own true values in your actions. So I am wondering whether you consider fitting in to be a pragmatic imperative in some areas of life, or a moral directive in everything. (There’s going to be a line here between high-functioning and more disabled people on the autism spectrum of course.) Is it that important to make other people feel comfortable all the time, or might be it OK to go about challenging their prejudices, maybe? Disabled people used to be tabboo; I wonder if autistic people still are.

    • Irving Podolsky says:

      I agree with you, Alice.  But as I read your well-written thoughts, it occurred to me that there is a difference between relating to friends and individuals in the workplace. Telling your boss she’s a jerk, even if she is, might not advance you to your goals. Telling your friend he hurt your feelings by taking you for granted, just might bring you two closer together. It’s all very tricky. I wish honestly was the rule in business. It isn’t. Telling everyone what I think about them at the office would send me home. I have to secretly justify my cloaked opinions all the time.

      Irv

      • Mike Rana says:

        ” Telling your boss she’s a jerk, even if she is, might not advance you to your goals.” – The fact that bosses at work are so obsessed with their image and place within the business is quite disturbing; nobody is any better than anybody else.  Bosses tend to forget that they can be replaced at any time, much like their workers.

      • Alice Bachini-Smith says:

        You’re right of course. I think this is a good example of how it’s a good idea to treat some people differently than others. For me, it’s very important to figure out who you can trust with your opinions and who is going to cause trouble for you if you say something perceived as negative (it won’t necessarily seem negative to as aspergers person, it may feel like constructive feedback.) So that’s the pragmatic approach; hold back around people who are not so trusted or close, or who have a lot of power over your life. Differentiating between the layers of trust in social relationships, instead of trying to act like a neurologically “normal” person all of the time. But surely close family and friends can understand that when we’re being blunt, it’s just an opinion, not an act of hostility, and take it in the spirit in which it is intended. We don’t expect others to agree, we’re not as emotionally attached to our opinions as conventional people, so taking or leaving it is generally fine with us anyway.

  8. Luci says:

    Thank you Penelope, always, for your honesty and your great intelligence.  As a mother with a daughter with high-functioning Autism and a Father with Autism as well, I know a lot about these social struggles and I learn so much from you!  
    The most incredibly insightful thing you say above is if you have Aspergers’, ‘surround yourself with people who will help you and then trust them; do what they say.’
    Sooo, my question is, how do you, Penelope, figure out who to trust and who not to?  For me, as a neurotypical person with my own difficulties in many areas, I find it easy to determine a person’s trustability in a short window of time, but daughter can never tell at all.  She cannot read body language, infer what a person is really saying from the literal words they use or gauge their intentions.  If only I could give her these abilities I would.  How do you decide who to trust?  Is it based on trial and error and your past experience with each individual?  Do you try to decipher facial expressions, body language, or infer what someone means that they are not really saying?  Have you ever looked into Social Thinking (Michele Garcia-Winner pioneered this approach to teaching people on the Autism spectrum from the very basics to the complex -methods for ‘thinking about what another person may be thinking’)
    Thank you again so much!  I think you’re awesome and I have great admiration for your accomplishments.

  9. Harriet May says:

    I wish more than anything that I was good at building relationships and connecting to people.  But I’m just not.  I’m terribly insecure and I don’t trust my judgement when it comes to saying the right thing.  So many times I’ve passed up saying something that would have been funny or clever, and so many times I’ve blurted out something that I meant to be funny but turns out to be inappropriate.  I don’t very often give people a complete picture of who I am– I know when I like people because I feel like I sort of shine around them, rather than just giving the impression that I’m one way or another.  But I guess this is just pretty normal.  And I love puns too.

    • Miss Darlene says:

      I love your honesty. I’ve been in love with an Aspergers man for 10 + years. I’ve researched Aspergers for that same amount of time. I can’t understand the affliction but I try desperately to understand. He tells me he doesn’t love and yet he shows up everywhere I go. I know he’s in love with me, what would you suggest? Thank you for your reply

      • aspie says:

        As aspie, I’ve felt love. But maybe I can count those times during my whole life on one or two hands. Don’t really remember either.

        Doesn’t mean I don’t experience much or “feel” less. I’ve had numerous spiritual experiences during yoga practices. I’m just unable to share the same type of communion many people enjoy.

        But of course, real love is not just feelings, thoughts or agreements. There are much deeper connection. So when I tell my wife I love her, I mean really the untold mystery between us. But really, I shouldn’t really need to say it, because it’s there anyways, yet best left undefined.

        Best way to feel love: Help someone you don’t know, just because you see it is needed. Love is not just for one person or objects of affection.

        Love is not a goal. You can’t attain it. It’s a beingness, which comes with grace.

        -aspie

  10. Eric S. Mueller says:

    Penelope, have you seen The Onion’s spoof on a reporter with Autism? http://www.theonion.com/video/autistic-reporter-michael-falk-enchanted-by-prison,26712/

    The more I read your posts on Asperger’s, the more I wonder if I have it myself. I’m almost certain my mom had it.

    • Penelope Trunk says:

      Oh. That’s such a fun link. Thanks. I’m always amazed at how insightful the Onion is. 

      Penelope

  11. Sarah says:

    My husband has Asperger’s and I hope I fill this role for him. Knowing how social situations can really wear him down gives me a new perspective on what should be “normal.” Something that has really helped him is knowing the rules of etiquette and having a strict rule against talking about personal issues. Most of the time, you would be hard pressed to get him to talk at all because most talk is small talk. However, if the topic is focused enough he can “fit right in, perfectly.

  12. Terri says:

    This was a nice, thoughtful post to help all of us understand Aspergers a little better. Thank you.

  13. Kyleortonchicagobearsreuinte says:

    oh billy man of lego land, ur a real sweetie and the pot pies that your grandma made feel so foxy flashed. “Oh ur a sagging lod lamb” said the eel to my cousin but “that’s retarded” “stop being so filthy flawless and poignant” I cant meandered the lambshtick. Ha ha ha. The toad in the workshop really eats lizard london and frothing froyo. “Frilly frecker” no your just dumb and frothy. “Oh sweetie, the dipper’s a real goodun!” I know, I know, I hate when Mr. Hemminmpson reads little frackard frettles under that rose tree with olives and muckards!! Foolish throw!! No, N and O said mom! Grizzled grayfeathers and cocomushin, real to honest flapnozle!! Not so!! not so!! Sippy sippy

  14. Monique Schaefers says:

    We are all on the spectrum just some of us are farther outliers than others.  I try to remember this when I interact with other people or think about how I am successful (or not) at interactions with others.

  15. Aspie Scribe says:

    I’m an Aspie. Penelope replied to my email. I sent her my aspie blog. She said she liked it a lot. Which meant she did. That’s a good thing about aspies. They tell it straight. Penelope’s reaction made me feel very good indeed. Now I consider her a valued friend. One day I’ll ‘come out’ about my affliction. Probably on this blog. Until then, I’ll keep my secret. I know Penelope likes links, so here’s mine: http://aspiescribe.wordpress.com/ I hope you like it too. AS.

  16. Aspie Scribe says:

    I’m an Aspie. Penelope replied to my email. I sent her my aspie blog. She said she liked it a lot. Which meant she did. That’s a good thing about aspies. They tell it straight. Penelope’s reaction made me feel very good indeed. Now I consider her a valued friend. One day I’ll ‘come out’ about my affliction. Probably on this blog. Until then, I’ll keep my secret. I know Penelope likes links, so here’s mine: http://aspiescribe.wordpress.com/ I hope you like it too. AS.

  17. Mark Wiehenstroer says:

    I think this is your best post on AS. Maybe because it ties together your previous posts on the subject so well. You speak mainly to rules to make and certain people to trust to navigate successfully. However, it should always be a two way street. This sentence in the email above – “Most can’t deal with me, I’ve never been married, relationships get complicated, but luckily I’ve had a few who hung on regardless of my flaws.” is a good reminder that all of us should strive to be more accommodating and forgiving when interacting with other people.

  18. Irving Podolsky says:

    I have one thing to say about Aspergers…  If everyone had it, the world would be a more “honest” place! 

    If I had a choice between listening to spontaneous but real reactions to me, or responding to pleasantries knowing there was a hidden agenda, I would take brutal honesty anytime.

    Because look, what is LOVE all about, anyway? Honest communication and TRUTH.

    I think this is why so many people follow your life – it’s so honest, and in many positive ways, childlike and innocent.  And I think this is why you and the Farmer are together. Sure, it’s “tough love.” But it IS love.  

    Irv

  19. Perils of Penelope says:

    I have to say that while I don’t have Asperger’s, I was neglected as a child in many ways, socially was one of them so I can relate to people with Asperger’s.  I feel like we share many problems/symptoms (except I don’t get the perks of Asperger’s).  

    I hate to talk, and I hate back and forth as you’ve mentioned.  And what I think is funny, is totally not what other people think is funny in a public arena.  But I have to say, as a manager (isn’t that ironic that I manage people but I suck at interactions) that I try to stick my neck out, because that’s how I’m going to learn.  I learn things that other people have known all their lives, and once I learn it (like recently I learned that when you are around other people, you should SLOW DOWN around their pace, or else you look like a jerk), I get it for good. 

    To me, it’s like doing a waltz, and I don’t know the steps or what direction we’re going, or who should lead.  So I step on feet, I go in the other direction, or maybe I lead after I let the person I’m dancing with think that they are leading.  In time, I’ll get it.  It’s just going to be a messy waltz for a long time, but I like the challenge. 

    • Vicky says:

      It IS like doing a waltz…remember, they lead, and they ask you to dance in the first place. Yes, go slow.  Go at their pace.  Remember also, you are only filling in time, with them, to pass as ‘normal’, it doesn’t, and shouldn’t count as ‘life’.

      • aspie says:

        Finally a blog you can post directly to without exposing social media accounts!

        I disagree. They don’t always lead. You can lead too. But if you lead, you should be certain you lead constructively and purposefully. You should know where to go, and you should be humble and ask others’ opinions. If they are clueless, you should seek to take more charge in order to “gather the flock”.

        Yes, we will be more assertive and maybe a bit boasting, however, that’s our natural “enthusiasm”. Don’t lose it! Don’t become unnatural!

        Many people go through their lives, never speaking up, never leading. Nobody became a good leader the very first day. Most natural leaders are really very stupid leaders, leading only because they’re good at pushing others.

        It’s wise for everybody to be quiet – until you know what you’re talking about, aspie or not. In fact, the best advice I’ve got in my life has not been “aspie advices”, but general life advices, knowledge and experience through genuine yoga practice.

        We just need more time to learn, nothing more. Don’t lose your naturalness in order to “fit in”.

  20. heroine worshiper says:

    This is the funniest material, when read by a good actor.

  21. Markaporter says:

    I wish u would write more on this. There’s so many much worse than me, and it has gotten better over the years, especially after figuring out what it is and seeing a doctor for it. Sometimes I think I’ve beat it; people think I’m normal, apparently I hide it much better than it seems at the time. But it is exactly and only what is in my way. I have few friends and never leave the house unless I have to. I prefer it; if only could work in total isolation, in the outdoors and be successful. But that’s not reality. I don’t want to just survive amongst people, having to take breaks in isolation at every social function; I want to know how to do it, and reap the personal and professional rewards.

  22. Sylvia says:

    The honesty of my aspie friend is challenging.  When she is emotional or feeling out of her element, she will blurt out anything and let everyone know what’s on her mind.  She has no filter. Of course, she is perceived as rude and insensitive.  However, you know that when she spontaneously and emotionally says good things about you, you can believe her.

    However, when my friend is in control and in her element, I’ve seen her lie like a sidewalk about everything else.  She lies on her resume. She falsely charged an ex-boyfriend with assault because she was mad about the breakup.  She will manipulate others, try to catch them being inconsistent, and twist situations for her own benefit. She is very skilled at using her amazing brain and creativity to say and claim anything that will further her cause. 

    I love her but she has honesty with no morals and is tough to be around.

  23. P.B. Maxwell says:

    “For example, there was tons of stupid stuff in this post that my blog editor cut.”

    There’s stuff you leave out? Good lord, what? :)

  24. TheFarmersMistress says:

    This little sweetie hates me and my corn field. Slippy anchors. No, see this one guy went through the barn and was floating on vacation, it was dumb. Bring the box of snonuts to the meeting and we’ll talk. Then we’ll work on all of your problems and say goodbye to them forever. If you keep going and working through them, all will be fine but then again we’re human and there are no rules so anything will and can happen. Life’s just funny that way if you think about it, one day your up and the next down. I hate it really but at least I’m not a ritz cracker waiting to be eaten and full of additives. Doubt it though, everything has corn and syrup so everyone’s probably poisoned to some degree or another and waiting for the blackhole to find them when they’re not looking. Ken said that the transmission fluid needed changing and I agreed but only because christmas was right around the forner. I wish christmas was in october, no one would believe me if that were true.

  25. Pak Jenggot says:

    That’s why I love Penelope’s blog
    Lot of great information.
    Ty…

  26. Mehmet S Hasve says:

    I have one of those people as well do not like to talk much i talk as less as possible not good at understanding jokes i usually take the jokes very seriously when someone makes a joke about it. I mostly into emails better emailing than talking on the phone not into phone much either i used to not talk on the phone at all now i do but still don’t like talking on the phone even for 5 minutes. I like very short phone conversations. I love to listen people though I am a good listener rather than talker i think which makes us unique and different we are still loved by others and respected :)))

  27. Andrea says:

    Very insightful and interesting post for those with or without Asperger’s. I have known a couple of people in my life who have Asperger’s, and I welcome anything that helps to understand the condition from an ‘outsider’s’ point of view.

  28. Anonymous says:

    my best friend’s mom makes $77 an hour on the computer. She has been out of job for 9 months but last month her check was $7487 just working on the computer for a few hours. Read about it here goo.gl/9q2C8

  29. Jill says:

    I think this is some really bad advice.  As a speech/language pathologist who works with students on the autism spectrum, it is my job to teach social skills.  Instead of avoiding communication situations (phone call, “how are you?”), people on the spectrum are able to learn social scripts, so they appear more typical. 

  30. Jill says:

    I think this is some really bad advice.  As a speech/language pathologist who works with students on the autism spectrum, it is my job to teach social skills.  Instead of avoiding communication situations (phone call, “how are you?”), people on the spectrum are able to learn social scripts, so they appear more typical. 

    • silvermine says:

      Plenty of people can learn to pretend to be able to deal with phone calls. Lots of people (not just Aspies) *hate* talking on phones. It is by far the worst communication method in the world, IMHO.

      It takes up your entire concentration. You have to stop all the noise in the room you’re in just to hear. You can’t do anything else at the same time. You can’t re-read something, you have to make people repeat themselves if they miss something. You can’t read lips. You can’t see body language. You can’t finish the thing you’re doing for just 20 seconds and then respond (think IM or email).

      You can’t even go look something up or go to another room without risking being rude or causing someone to hear to you breathing while you search for it.

      Phones are just plain stupid. They were a great invention, because it sure beats telegrams or paper letters, and it’s good for small children who can’t write, or for hearing your loved ones when you can’t be with them… but as far as getting things done? It’s horrible!

  31. Kelly@HealthyFinanceNews says:

    It’s true we all have obstacles to overcome, and in social situations there’s those of us who feel completely comfortable in every aspect of talking with others, and then there’s us who are analyzing every second of the conversation to make sure its going smoothly. What if we all threw our inhibitions to the wind, and just let ourselves be ourselves at all times. Would we offend others? Lose all our friends and connections? Or would we simply weed out those who we’re not compatible with, and actually find people who we can no longer feel uncomfortable talking in front of. Public speaking is the number one fear among Americans. Hopefully one day society will let go of its shallow views of “abnormal” behavior, and realize that nothing is normal, and our flaws and uniqueness are what make the world go round.

  32. Roy Francis says:

    I’m a new reader – I hope I’m not barging in, but I wanted to share an interesting talk presented at TEDxBloomington this year. Stephen Volan shared how he gained some strategies for managing his Aspergers by learning theatrical improvisation http://youtu.be/WN1bKV5nxy0. As the narrative on the YouTube page describes, this was one of the most appreciated talks at the event.

  33. C More says:

    Every other Idiot you meet these days claims to have Aspergers.  You haven’t got aspergers – you’re just rude, badly brought up and need to work on your social skills.

  34. Jennsd says:

    I work with individuals on helping them get employment. Asperger’s is difficult. I do have to work on improving the social skills and have learned that I can be blunt right back at them and ask the questions. However, I have noticed that aksing for help is a big barrier. I had one young man who constantly scratched his head. I thought it was a tic so I asked why he scratched his head. He replied “becuase it itches”. I asked what he uses to wash his hair. He said “Dial soap”. Hmmmm…. he is an african-american and I am a white female. I don’t know what he should use but suggested he ask his father. This took care of that problem. He also had body odor. I asked about it. He said that his clothes were dirty. I asked why don’t you wash them? He repllied my Dad is behind in the laundry. (he was about 24 year old at the time). I suggested he ask his Dad how to wash clothes. He did and problem was solved. However, If you read things about and from Temple Grandin and you get training you will see that she suggests setting up personal rules to follow. So for the Speech Pathologist this is what you are doing by helping them integrate a little better. Setting up personal rules. Keep going Penelope! I forward on a lot of your blog posts becuase my staff can really learn from what you are saying.

  35. HR says:

    I was married to someone with Aspberger’s, and I loved him dearly. I played that role for him – but it was so exhausting to have responsibility for everything social; every hint of an emotion required my help to sort and respond. And when I needed care, empathy, and love, I didn’t get it back. It broke my heart, my health, and then I finally had to leave him. I totally agree that Aspie’s need these kind of people in their lives, but you must remember that your circle of trust needs something too.

  36. Edward O'Daniel says:

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  37. asia says:

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  38. lisa says:

    I just recently started following your blog. In my family I am not the one with aspergers, it’s my 13 year old son and his 52 year old dad. Dad is in TOTAL denial about both of them. The two of them have a real problem with the tone of voice they use (sarcastic, condenscending…) it drives me nuts, but it’s not just me. Is there a way to get them to see it? I’m still working on getting used to all of this (son’s diagnosis was within the last year, hubby’s is not “official”)

  39. silvermine says:

    Knowing your limitations and finding out how to deal with it is great advice. It’s why I aim to be the trusted confidant of the Big Boss. I don’t want to do Big Boss things in Big Boss meetings and talk about stupid Big Boss stuff. But I still want my way. So I make sure to give my best ideas to the Big Boss who does the Big Boss stuff, and I get to implement it exactly my way, and we all look good. And I don’t have to go to meetings, hopefully. ;) And even more hopefully, I work at 10pm in my pajamas, where I’m in my happy place and I get everything done in record time with few defects.

  40. learn violin says:

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  41. Aktuelpaylasim says:

    It is still difficult to ask, and to know what to ask for help with.

  42. Sarah F. says:

    I will be in the minority here but I have no sympathy for anyone who runs roughshod over the feelings of others. And this includes the feelings of those who do not suffer from this disease. All too often, Aspergers is becoming an escape clause for the lazy, the selfish and the contemptuous to perform their dirty on well-meaning, kind people. Just ask anyone who’s been on the receiving end.
    Anytime someone uses an illness to be complacent and nasty to other human beings, my sympathy wanes. Sorry – Aspergers or not – each person has a responsibility to be accountable for his own behavior toward others.

  43. Leah says:

    Thank you for sharing this. I talk too loud and too much. I often wish I would have just stayed silent. I also do great during interviews, but I’m a freak otherwise. I do have a few friends who have stayed with me for years, and others who have not.

    My son is autistic and I don’t know how to help him act “normal” but I can relate to him when he gets frustrated over rejection, and that helps him. My husband is typical and helps him with the “normal” stuff.

    I’m thankful to know there are others who understand me….here we are commenting on your post.

  44. Alt Tabb says:

    Dear Lawyer 45 with aspergers,
    I’ve read your post about your 3 rules. They’re interesting, but quiet scewed. What rules does the other person have to abide by? I;ve really come to resent this one[sided way of dealing with relationships, this assumtion that the aspie is always wrong and his missing something. It’s like being in a marriage where 1 partner is always in the wrong. Nobody would want to be in a relationship like that. Nobody wants to feel like they’re the villain all the time. Instead of saying, “why didn’t I catch the cue” why not ask, “why is this person lying to me?” I am straight forward with people and I provide a space where they can do the same. It’s waht people like about me. Have you ever witnessed a group of aspies as they relate to each other? You’d be surprised to note that these problems don’t exist.

  45. Lazer says:

    People with Aspergers are the normal ones. It has been shown that the corpus callosum of those who have Aspergers has thicker nerves. This is what made Einstein smart. In Aspergers its considered brain damage. These people are the normal ones. Years of social out-casting by the so called “normies” or extroverted morons is the reason they are labeled as different. Its not really a condition, but rather having the superior Neanderthal Genes turned on in their genome.

    These people were never supposed to exist in a modern society filled with lying neurotypicals i.e. nuero-crazies. Their genes are adapted from Ice Age Europe where bluntness, telling the truth, and being matter of fact was required for survival. Today people don’t like that(read cowards). It makes them feel bad to have to face up to the truth of a situation. A lot of bullshit in the modern world would be solved if we just let people with Aspergers run stuff instead of the extroverted shallow socketed retards

    Oh wait I also forget to mention that their brains operate on different pathways as well. The dominant pathway in their brains are acetylcholine oriented, whereas extroverted zombies are dopamine oriented.

    The person who wrote this article is making it seem like they have a problem and have to relate to people differently. No one ever stops to think that maybe its the sheepish herd that there is something wrong with. Its always the individual, not the collective of lying zombies that that individual is forced to live with.

    Fun fact. Thomas Jefferson had it, as i’m sure many of the other Founding Fathers did. If they were alive today, they would probably be drugged and medicated. Doesn’t anyone see what the fuck is going on here? We are taking some of the brightest most honest minds our species has to offer. Well I should say modern day Neanderthals, and drugging them because as so called adults we cant handle the truth about anything. Aspies can and do handle the truth, which is why they are blunt. 99% of people you encounter cant. Aspies are the normal ones, neuro-crazies are the sick ones.

    I could go on and on, but Ill stop short of really ripping into this article. I experience this every day because I have so called Aspergers. Sorry, but its not me, its you.

    In the future will probably start drugging our kids from a young age if they have it. Such a shame this is what its come to. The truth is now the lie, and the lie now the truth.

    TL;DR-Facts are now considered illegal.

  46. birgit says:

    I just discovered that i have aspergers…and now i understand everything.I have always felt like i was different than others my age.For example when i take iq tests at school i score way higher than others, but when it comes to studying i am below average.That’s just one thing that matches the symptoms.
    I would like to know how to control it.Can anyone help?

  47. Carl Dobbs says:

    I have Aspergers. My jokes are well received. At work they asked me to post one in the kitchen every day. (I am a computer programmer).
    Just make the jokes truly funny. Why did the elephant wish he had only one ear? He didn’t want to be too irrelevant. (Two ear elephant). If you want I’ll send a bunch of jokes to you that are proven to be funny. Why is a bee hive big and round? It’s a bee city (obesity).

  48. Jacob says:

    I really appreciate part 1. Don’t Talk If Possible

    When I was little, before I knew that I had Aspergers, people liked me. I was always a quiet child and only spoke when spoken to. Now that I am older and am in High School, I try to counteract who I am. That made it worse, I don’t fit in any more and trying to talk more has repelled people from me unlike when I was in second grade. I didn’t fit in when I was a child either, but people liked me.

    So thank you for this post. I realize my problem is trying to be what I’m not, I need to accept what I am to be successful socially. When school starts up again, I’ll be a Sophomore, and I love experimenting so trying to be more like I was when I was little and when I relied on my sub-conscience will be good for me.

    You can’t not be what you were built to be.

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