When you think about doing something remarkable, remember that remarkable results come from paths most people aren’t on.
Passion comes from hard work
Passion does not lead to hard work. So don’t tell yourself that you’re picking a path of hard work if you don’t know what you’re passionate about. Here are some examples in my life where this has been true:
My oldest kid didn’t choose to play violin. I chose it when they were three years old. But when they were twelve and I said they could quit, they didn’t want to. All that complaining about practice led to a passion for playing.
I didn’t choose to play volleyball. I was the tallest kid in my freshman class at college. The volleyball coach recruited me during orientation week. For the next two years I practiced on the side of the gym with a coach. No playing. By the time I graduated from college, all I wanted to do was play volleyball.
Many people who have exciting, engaging careers will tell you they “fell into it.” What that really means is that someone asked them to do something, and they decided to work hard at it. (One of the best stories of this phenomena is pro basketball player Khaman Maluach. An NBA scout in Uganda saw Maluach, age 14, and suggested he try basketball. So Maluach taught himself how to play from YouTube videos.)
Yearning for a result is not a passion
If you are not working very hard at something, you probably have a yearning (author, inventor, speaker, athlete, entrepreneur, influencer, etc.)
Passion is specific. Yearning is vague. Sometimes people say they are passionate about something so broad as to be meaningless. Like travel. Health. Writing. If you’re talking about something in such vague terms, then you have not spent a lot of time on it.
Passion is process
People who have a passion are constantly adjusting their process to get better and better at the daily tasks. Michael Jordan is famous for how he practiced. Mark Zuckerberg was writing code when he was a kid. Beyonce has been performing since childhood. When you focus on process every day, you are in the world of specifics and minutiae.
Passion and fun are not the same.
Going to a movie is fun. Taking a trip is fun. Fun people get invited to a lot of stuff. But passionate people are dangerous. They prioritize their passion before everything else. They are preoccupied. They are often a little crazy. This is why Michael Jordan wasn’t interested in his family, and Mark Zuckerberg wasn’t interested in college. And Beyonce is performing at her kid’s school fundraiser instead of just donating money.
Growth mindset is a disorder
The world is obsessed with growth mindset. We know that growth mindset is a combination of grit and passion. Which means that people with a growth mindset are the crazy, preoccupied, distracted types. Humanity would die if everyone had a growth mindset because we need most people to be caring about each other. So we’re lucky that most people don’t have a growth mindset.
Growth mindset is misogynist
The origin of growth mindset was a professor who was obsessed with her research and concluded that everyone should be like her. Twenty years later, educators and executives are beating the growth mindset drum like their lives depend on it. And they fork over millions in dollars a year to train everyone to have a growth mindset.
Men are much more likely to have a growth mindset than women. Someone who does not have a growth mindset has a fixed mindset. Both have equal levels of grit, but they apply that grit differently. How much passion you have determines if you have a fixed mindset or growth mindset.
People with a fixed mindset prioritize stability over personal growth. In fact, a fixed mindset is protective against terrible parenting. Because it’s impossible to be devoted to your kids if you’re devoted to your passion.
So why don’t we all shut up about growth mindset and passion? The people who have that type of brain already know it. And the people who have yearning and a fixed mindset are the ones who are caring, dependable, and connected.
