How to know when you should apologize

I saw a graph about when anyone is most likely to have a birthday. My mom and ex-husband and now-husband all have a birthday in the first week of April. This is statistically unlikely and it makes me think there is something I should know about astrology.

But I have cognitive dissonance to becoming an expert in astrology because I think you’ll think I’m crazy and then I won’t be able to blog about it, and there is no point in being an expert in something I can’t blog about – like when I battle with my editor where I write about my ovulation and my fascination with my mucus something and he cuts it.

But I like graphs because they make numbers into pictures and numbers seem more true to me than hunches. Like, I had a hunch that I’m working fifty-hour weeks, because I’m always squeezing work in between other stuff, but then I graphed my time and it turned out I am working about thirty hours.

When I was randomly clicking links to avoid facing the problem of how much I’m not working, I found a graph in the New York Times about how you can estimate how many grades above average a kid will be by looking at the median income of their school district.

On my education blog I write about how if you take a poor kid and put them in a rich school (busing, vouchers, whatever) the poor kid doesn’t score any higher. So it’s how rich your parents are, not how “good” the school is. (Which means there are no good schools because school doesn’t impact a kids education—it’s only the parent’s income.)

My brother sent me a link to IQuantNY which shows a graph of how many tickets get issued in different parking spaces in New York City that are actually legal parking spaces. The guy uses photos from Google maps and records of tickets issued to create a huge list of ill-gotten tickets.

If you scroll down the page you see that the police department issued an apology. And a commitment to do better in the future.  I don’t know which blew me away more—the ingenious use of data collection or the lovely apology letter the data analyst published.

The graph at the top of this post is about how much different types of people like to read. Before we discuss the graph, let me say that I think our society really overvalues reading and really undervalues doing (both in the name of learning). And it’s a joke that kinesthetic learners are forced to sit in school for 18 years while told that if they do well they can get jobs where they sit in offices, as if the goal in life is to avoid all kinesthetic everything. It reminds me of how my clearly-left-handed mom was forced to learn to write with her right hand in 1950.

The first thing I noticed about the graph is my older son is the personality type that reads the most, and my younger son is the personality type that reads the least. The next thing I noticed is this is a good example of how personality type is relative. For example, if you ask an INFP if they like to read, they’ll say yes. But relative to all 16 types, INFPs are not readers, they are thinkers. INFPs like to be alone, staring into space, organizing their very complex brains.

The biggest reasons we mistype ourselves is because we don’t realize how we fit relative to the rest of the world. Did you think you were a big reader but you are not an INTJ or INFJ? Then probably you are not as big a reader as you think. Do you think you are good at sports but you are not an SP? Then probably you have other thoughts that interfere with being focused on the moment. (Professional athletes have fewer thoughts than normal people.)

The problem I’m talking about really, is getting caught up in what other people care about instead of what you care about. It causes us to see ourselves in such a clouded way that we don’t see ourselves accurately.

So now I realize why I worry about not being at the top of my work game. It’s not that my career is bad—my career is great (I make good money and I do what I like to do) but I used to work at a higher level, years ago, when I was willing to give up all my time with kids. Back then was like being in a gifted program in school. And it brought up my game. And it’s hard to not be that now. Being in the gifted program is a lift to anyone.

So I know I’ve performed at a higher level in the past. I used to be good at meeting deadlines, picking up the phone, posting four days a week. And, people who are Aries really appreciate those traits, which okay, maybe doesn’t matter, but clearly I surround myself with people who care about punctuality and productivity.

Then I decided I needed to homeschool. I looked at the world and made choices that put my kids before work and now I’ve disappointed pretty much everyone who works with me.

I have missed so many deadlines that people are starting to think I’m intentionally sabotaging. So I’m going to be like the police department:  To all the people I’ve wronged with my questionable working hours: I’m sorry.


86 replies
  1. MBL
    MBL says:

    My INFP brain is kind of seizing up right now.

    “relative to all 16 types, INFPs are not readers, they are thinkers. INFPs like to be alone, staring into space, organizing their very complex brains.”

    My very complex brain decided that there have to be better examples out there to demonstrate

    “The biggest reasons we mistype ourselves is because we don’t realize how we fit relative to the rest of the world.”

    Because “Did you think you were a big reader but you are not an INTJ or INFJ? Then probably you are not as big a reader as you think.” doesn’t ring true.

    The “avid book reader” graph by itself doesn’t tell you that much. INFPs being in the top 3/16 or 81.25% is pretty high, but if you look at the fact that the top 4 “avid readers” are all INs which comprise 25% of the groups but only 11.26% of the population then the relative percentage increases. But, given that the top two “avid reader” groups total 3.56%, then you see that INFPs are actually in the top 96% of “avid readers.” So I’m pretty sure I can continue to think of myself as an avid reader without delusions of literacy. Well, that and the fact that I actually start hyperventilating if I find myself waiting without something to read.

    What surprised me about the graph was that MOST people consider themselves avid book readers. Per the article, only books were to be factored in. Nonetheless, given that the stats came from people responding to a survey in which people were reading about personality types, I suspect that the numbers are quite a bit higher than a non-self-selected group of respondents.

    In the spirit of the title of the post I’ll go ahead and apologize for my novella.

    • MBL
      MBL says:

      At 5am I was (successfully) fighting the urge to get out of bed and correct “actually in the top 96%” to “top 4%.” Ruminate much? :D

    • YesMyKidsAreSocialized
      YesMyKidsAreSocialized says:

      You’re the only INFP I know and so I thought for sure infps would be on the higher end for an avid reader.

      • Joyce
        Joyce says:

        Hi, YesMyKidsAreSocialized! Yes, INFPs are still high up there since we are top 3 after INTJs and INFJs.

    • Penelope Trunk
      Penelope Trunk says:

      Maybe I should have used my own type – ENTJ – as an example. Because I’m a huge reader, but I get frustrated when I can’t apply what I read to work.

      Right now I’m reading short stories by John Updike. The writing is phenomenal, of course. He was a master of the short story. But I keep saying to myself that I need to write blog posts like a John Updike story. And I don’t know if I’d read the stories without thinking to myself that it applies to work.

      This is why ENTJs don’t score as high on reading as the INTJs and INFJs. Because ENTJs are about work and reading has to be as well.


      • Joyce
        Joyce says:

        Hi, Penelope! Yes, you should use your own type. We would appreciate it very much if you can correct this post just as you said. Thank you!

      • MBL
        MBL says:

        I read a lot, but keep interrupting myself to take notes or look things up. Not to any particular end. Just to satisfy my curiosity as something sparks a thought and then I synthesize things and search to see who else has linked those things and then find something else. Rinse and repeat.

        Great, now I am going to have to add Updike short stories to my list! I had forgotten that he wrote “A&P.”

        Does anyone know if library fines are tax deductible? :D


    • Joyce
      Joyce says:

      Hi MBL! Yes, many of the INFPs that I encounter on the internet are big readers. I only know of one other INFP in real life, and she reads a lot too.

  2. Jim Grey
    Jim Grey says:

    “INFPs like to be alone, staring into space, organizing their very complex brains.” Yeah, pretty much.

    My kinesthetic-learning son struggled through his college anatomy course this year because it was all books and memorization. “If they just had a human model I could take apart and put back together,” he told me, “I’d have aced the class.”

    So part of the NYPD’s apology was to tell what corrective actions they were going to do to remedy the wrongful ticket problem. What corrective actions are you going to take, Penelope?

    • Joyce
      Joyce says:

      Hi, Jim Grey! I will do an experiment and politely comment on this post. Let’s see if Penelope will apologize and take corrective action. Yes, I have a lot of time today.

  3. Tatianna Macchione
    Tatianna Macchione says:

    Myers-Briggs is just corporate astrology. I’ve been an avid fan of astrology for years, I chart everyone I’m considering dating, a working for, working with etc. It’s just hard to get enough information to do someone’s chart subtly without knowing that much about them. Which is why I was so excited when I discovered your blog 5 years ago I was able to learn about typing people which is much faster and more acceptable in the corporate world. Yet I still view astrology as more accurate when you have enough information to do a full charge and reading.

    • Joyce
      Joyce says:

      Yes, I also view MBTI as a guide, and I chart everyone I live and work with that I know. For my law school classmates, the default type is INTJ and just change it accordingly.

  4. Lindsay Meisel
    Lindsay Meisel says:

    Hey Penelope, I saw the thing you crossed out about ovulation and cervical mucus, so I had to comment. My current role (which your advice helped me land!) is at a women’s health startup ( that makes a sensor bracelet that can tell where a woman is in her menstrual cycle (it works by tracking neurological, cardiovascular, dermatological, and other parameters during the night).

    The first version, which we’re launching this summer, is geared towards women who are trying to get pregnant, and so I’m assuming not of much interest to you. But you might like this infographic I made all about cervical mucus, which contains some surprising facts like how fertile mucus makes a different shape in your underwear than non-fertile mucus, and how cough syrup can make your mucus more fertile.

    Anyway, this is just a random thing that I wanted to share with you! Thanks for your blogging, which I continue to love after 8+ years! :)

    • Joyce
      Joyce says:

      Hi, Lindsay Meisel! I followed the link to the PCOS article. Because my periods are irregular, monitoring my cervical mucus is a reliable way of tracking my ovulation. Thanks for the link!

    • Susan
      Susan says:

      Hi Lindsay!

      Love the work you do in women’s health! Just want to add that the in order for the cough medicine to be helpful in thinning mucus, it needs to contain an expectorant called *Guaifenesin and not just a cough suppressant (DM or Dextromethorphan). Plain Mucinex 600mg – 1200mg (or its generic equivalent*) taken twice daily would work best?? Blessings, Susan

  5. Jennifa
    Jennifa says:

    Yep, that’s me, staring into space. Extremely misunderstood activity.

    I used to think I was an avid reader, until I understood how much more other people are capable of consuming than I am. I enjoy it, but am very slow, and will have time between books if I cannot find something else that engages me. I used to read a lot in elementary school, but could never win those reading competition things they make kids do to ‘encourage them to read’, because you had to read a lot of stuff I thought was boring. I could not make myself read things I was not interested in, and when I tried, I ended up not reading anything at all. So really, you could say I read a lot on my own until encouraged, then I quit, at least until I finished college. Then when I slowly realized it was safe to read what I wanted, I started up again. Then I was going to do one of those online reading groups, and you had to read 100 books in a year, and I quickly realized that was hell, so dropped out of that. I enjoy reading, but am not avid.

    • MBL
      MBL says:

      “Yep, that’s me, staring into space. Extremely misunderstood activity.” BINGO!

      Common scenario around here is:

      My husband comes across me staring into space…
      In a concerned voice “Are you okay?!?”
      In an annoyed voice “Yes.”
      “What are you doing?”
      “About what?”
      “What I was reading.”

      I had the same experience, I didn’t do any “for fun” reading when I was in college for English Lit. So sad!

  6. Cyndie
    Cyndie says:

    I’m sorry to say, but the truth is you never could win those reading contests because you didn’t cheat and you didn’t cheat because you didn’t have parents that showed you how. Call me cynical, but where there’s a contest, there are cheaters. That’s life.

    Kids would read more if they had more access to books that appealed to them.

    As for us grown-ups, eschew anyone who defines you by your reading habits. They are your own private experience. That’s the beauty of reading.

  7. Erin
    Erin says:

    Oh. Em. Gee.

    I was about to respond to the INFP thing, then I saw 3/5 current comments were also a response to that. LOL!

    Either INFPs must be drawn to posts with graphs or posts about apologies or the stars just aligned.

    What I was going to say is…

    When I read the INFP paragraph, I snorted at the line “INFPs like to be alone, staring into space, organizing their very complex brains.” And laughed hard enough the shaking almost woke the baby.*

    *Whenever I read/write/edit photos/browse Internet it’s always on my phone while I’m caring for my baby, who is, more often then not, asleep on me. #momlife

    • Jennifa
      Jennifa says:


      haha. I actually had a much longer comment, responding to other ideas in the post, but decided I was taking up too much comment response space and nobody cared anyway.

      So this is probably an INFP thing thinking ‘there are too many INFP comments!! Could you imagine an ENTJ or INTJ thinking that? No, they make a large majority of the comments I would guess, and never ever apologize or feel bad about it.

      So if other people don’t like too many INFP comments, they can just skip it. Goodness knows I skip a lot.

      • Heather A
        Heather A says:

        HA!! INTJ here just loving this INFP thread. I love the peek into how you all tick. Especially love when you (politely) told us to shove it, since we TJs ARE usually dominating the comments.

        • Sarah M
          Sarah M says:

          What an excellent post & comments section today. Love it.

          PS-Definitely INTJ avid reader here. I read about 60+ books a year and it’s never enough. I could read more, but I love the internet–like your site– too much to give up that to read more actual books.

    • Jim Grey
      Jim Grey says:

      My guess is that this blog has an unusually high concentration of INFP readers. Because it provides info that our brains love to sort and categorize.

      • MBL
        MBL says:

        I spend so much time reading the posts and the comments and getting lost in a linkloop that by the time I have processed things enough to comment, the post is dead. Either that or I have responded at length in my head and therefore the activity is “done” and the thought of winnowing my thoughts down to a less ridiculous level is too daunting.

    • Joyce
      Joyce says:

      Hi, Erin. I was drawn to this post because of the apologies. I read a lot, but acknowledge that my classmates, most of whom who are INTJs and INFJs, read more than me.

  8. Jana Miller
    Jana Miller says:

    Fun to see the graph and see that I really probably do read more than other people (INFJ)

    and you haven’t disappointed me :) It’s always a treat to have an article by you pop up in my feed.

    • Penelope Trunk
      Penelope Trunk says:

      I read that! It’s very hard for me to get my head around the statistics that make that true. I should have had a graph for that, too :)


      • MBL
        MBL says:

        Sooo, I had to look that up. does a good job. It even has a calculator. For 30 people there is a 70% chance of a match. You only need 23 to get to 50%.

        For me, the most helpful explanation (of various) was:

        In a room of 23, do you think of the 22 comparisons where your birthday is being compared against someone else’s? Probably.

        Do you think of the 231 comparisons where someone who is not you is being checked against someone else who is not you? Do you realize there are so many? Probably not.

        The fact that we neglect the 10 times as many comparisons that don’t include us helps us see why the “paradox” can happen.

  9. Mark W.
    Mark W. says:

    The IQuant NY link is great … and impressive. I was curious to learn the background of the ‘data analyst’. He’s not just any old data analyst with a blog. The following is taken from his About Me page – “I’m a Visiting Assistant Professor in the City & Regional Planning program at the Pratt Institute in Brooklyn, NY, where I teach a statistics course. But unlike other stats courses, this one is based on real NYC open data. That makes the class a lot more fun, both for our future urban planners and for me. That class, and the great conversations I’d had with the students at Pratt, inspired this blog. I hope you enjoy it.
    I’m also a quantitative analyst at a tech company called Two Sigma, and I teach public speaking and job training skills through improv comedy with Cherub Improv.
    I have a Ph.D. in Computer Science (Natural Language Processing) from NYU and a B.S. in Math and Computer Science from Bucknell University (Go Bison!).”

    • Mark W.
      Mark W. says:

      I’d like to add I like days such as today when you post twice – one post to each of your blogs. Also, as I’m a Gemini, I found this (Sun Signs and Punctuality) reading from an astrologer on one of your links in this post to be interesting – “Geminis are sensitive and sensible. They hate putting others into trouble even if it means putting themselves in a spot. Crossing the seven seas, losing sleep or traveling days non-stop.. they do everything it takes to be there on time.” There’s a lot of truth there that applies to me so this time, at least, the astrologer got it right.

    • Joyce
      Joyce says:

      Hi, Mark W! Yes, he is impressive and reminds me of our high school valedictorian, Reina Reyes. She studied astronomy in Princeton, and her team proved Einstein’s theory of relativity.

      After Princeton, she went back to the Philippines. She is still teaching astronomy, but now she also works as a data scientist and helps solve problems in elections, disasters, corruption, etc. Here’s a link about her:

      Her career is proof that once someone is an expert in a field, they can shift and be an expert in another.

  10. Derek Scruggs
    Derek Scruggs says:

    INTJ here. I’ve always been an avid reader. I think I read more than most people because whenever I’m in conversation with someone it almost always reminds me of a book or article or blog post I read somewhere.

    (I’m also usually the wet blanket that shatters myth-memes like Eric Clapton saying Prince is the world’s greatest guitarist because I bothered to actually track down the source.)

    The problem is that the internet has so many words that are kind-of-interesting-but-not-important that I too easily go down the rabbit hole of Reddit and Google News and blogs, and so now I don’t read as many books as I used too.

    I also have been a subscriber to the New Yorker since, oh, 1991? used to read it cover to cover the day it arrived in the mail. Now it can be weeks before I get to it.

    • Joyce
      Joyce says:

      Hi, Derek! You sound like a maven in many fields. I tend to verify when a story sounds too good (or too bad) to be true. In many cases, the source tends to be a satire news site.

  11. Caitlin Timothy
    Caitlin Timothy says:

    I’m an INFJ, and one of my Gallup Strengths Finder strengths Input. When I got that a few years ago, I ironically disputed, “What are you talking about? -I don’t collect and recall data! Other people do that.” Today that’s a great meditation on #perspective and how unable we are as people to note our relative strengths and weaknesses. I feel like I’m going to die if I don’t read >5000 words/day. Someone compared our MBTI dominant function to a swimming pool…when you’re swimming, you notice the toys in floating around and the other people, but you take the water for granted- the dominant function is the one you take for granted. When it’s Ni (like for INTJs and INFJs), your dominant function is incredibly rare and thus looks totally weird to other people, but INFJs and INTJs don’t know that they’re weird- they think that everyone must have an insatiable need to be processing a constant, often subconscious information flow. In your INFJ course, you said something like, “Sensing types will say that they like to read, but they have NO IDEA what reading is like for INFJs.” You were so right.

    • Joyce
      Joyce says:

      Hi Caitlin Timothy! I’m INFP but feel the same way about reading. I did not get input in my Strengths Finder test, but got context, connectedness, and intellection, which are related to reading.

  12. Joyce
    Joyce says:

    Hi, Penelope! I thought you were going to apologize to blueray in this post for what you said in the INFP webinar. Anyway, thank you and I appreciate the full refund.

      • MBL
        MBL says:

        It is!

        The “blueray incident of November ’15” caused quite a stir among the die hard INFPs! A number us spent over an hour freaking out about it in the sidebar after the seminar was over and everyone else had signed off. The response was a truly CLASSIC example of INFPs needed to be traumatized/indignant/incited enough to actually act upon an incident.

        • Caitlin Timothy
          Caitlin Timothy says:

          @MBL Haha! I think I remember reading those indignant INFP comments on here… P probably said something that made them think their value was being questioned.

          Also, INFPs are the only ones who 1) Get SUPER personally offended and and 2) Would actually make demands as a result… FJs are obsessed with how the other person(s) think/feel, not how they themselves think/feel, so they’d never take that kind of position. And SFPs wouldn’t say anything….and they probably don’t read this blog.

          • Joyce
            Joyce says:

            Hi Caitlin Timothy and MBL! Thank you for the comments.

            1) I do not get angry or offended in real life, but I observed that getting angry or crazy works well to get results. I have to teach myself how to get offended and angry for other people because I cannot do it for myself since I always seek to understand other people first. That’s why I had to make the short comment above that would get attention.

            2) ENTJs tend to make demands, while INFPs tend to make observations and requests. I preface my requests with “please” and “kindly” or phrase requests as questions. I always think of how the other person would feel. If Penelope was a fellow F, I would be kinder in my request. But she’s an ENTJ, and I have to be more direct.

            3) Anyway, good job to Penelope for homeschooling her children and building many businesses at the same time. I just find it ironic when she is posting about apologies when she cannot apologize even when other people point it out. As an INFP, I have to learn how not to apologize for every mistake I make. For Penelope, it’s the opposite, she has to learn when to apologize.

          • MBL
            MBL says:

            Actually, it was because a fellow INFP was treated unfairly in a course designed for INFPs where one could reasonably expect that the intended audience’s perspective would be taken into account in a course about taking one’s intended audience’s perspective into account.

            It took attempting to intervene on behalf of the “injured party” to rouse my inert self into action. If it were just about me I would’ve licked my wounds and gone away. And it took my being able to take PT’s perspective of seeing my response as a business transaction rather than a personal attack to enable me to address my concerns without feeling like I had to “leave the community” because I expressed an unflattering opinion.

            Six months later I still worry/think about blueray and wish we had’ve heard back from him.

          • Joyce
            Joyce says:

            Hi, Laura Friis! Penelope Trunk said this comment to blueray in the fourth video of the INFP course: “If you have a roomful of INFPs solving your problems, you should be slitting your wrists right now.”

            You can find more details on her post, “Stress reduction for the INFP: Your inner life is your hidden strength.” Date is October 5, 2015. Hope this helps.

          • Blandy
            Blandy says:

            Laura, I was wondering the same thing. Now that Joyce has told us all I can think is, “That was offensive? I totally don’t get it.” (Me, ENTP.)

          • Joyce
            Joyce says:

            Hi, Blandy! I never slit my wrists, but I had depression. I hope that you never experience depression in your life because it is hell. While I can live with that comment and understand Penelope, I have to speak up on behalf of us who experienced depression. I hope you understand.

  13. Margot
    Margot says:

    Hi Penelope,

    I am really a fan of your blog. It took awhile for your next post, but it was worth the wait. I can relate 100% to this article. Homeschool first, let the deadlines wait :0)

  14. Bob
    Bob says:

    Besides rich families, there are academic families.

    In either case, these kids are raised in ways that if they didn’t learn to read till they were 14, they’d still do fine in college and later life.

  15. Laura Friis
    Laura Friis says:

    INFP figuring being an avid reader must be a signature trait of INFPs because so many great writers are/are guessed to have been INFPs and you don’t become a great writer without reading a hell of a lot.

    The thinking thing does ring true though.

  16. Cáit
    Cáit says:

    The one thing that really resonates with me here is how over-valued “a love of reading is.” I do love reading. (INFJ) but I hope I’m cool enough not put it in such a reading rainbow type way. Whenever I hear people brag about how they were “voracious consumers of books as a child” I want to puke, and they always use the term ‘voracious.’ Like if they were such heavy readers wouldn’t they have a more original vocabulary?
    I’m interested in all kinds of people, people who are good with tools, artists, people with intuitive understanding of mechanics, puzzle people, etc. I love people who don’t care about reading.

  17. Rachel G
    Rachel G says:

    Thank you! My husband and my mother have the same birthday. Weird. It’s also the first week of April. Now I know that I should never get divorced because I’ll surely just meet another one.

    Also, you don’t want to write about *astrology* because your readers will think you’re crazy? Really? Astrology seems pretty ho hum compared with this blog over the years.

    • Cáit
      Cáit says:

      I disagree that astrology wouldn’t faze readers of this blog. PT assumes unconventional premises but works through her arguments with logic. Astrology is illogical and makes zero sense. I would lose a ton of respect for her intelligence if she posted on it.

  18. Tracey
    Tracey says:

    There was drama over that comment to blueray? I remember a user named blueray in the webinar but didn’t take not of that remark. I would think anyone taking a Penelope Trunk webinar would know her uber dramatic sense of humour and not take such a remark so seriously?

    On a side note I loved that webinar. I now respect my need for alone time and understand my dynamic with other types better. It’s also helped me redirect my career path. I would totally do another INFP webinar in a heartbeat.

    • MBL
      MBL says:

      Obviously it was a true YMMV thing! I was truly upset about the whole thing over the course of the entire week. Given that what was clarified in the sidebar was not incorporated into the video kind of negates the purpose of an interactive webinar. Some of us found the treatment of blueray, who admittedly started off with a poorly phrased question, was over the top. It was carried over from one night into the next. Especially given that the course was specifically tailored towards a personality that PT was clearly familiar with.

      It is interesting in that when Joyce posted the “slit your wrists” line I actually gasped because it was even worse that what I had remembered. And other people respond with “That’s it?!?” Part of me wishes that I could be a “that’s it?!?” responder. I think that life would be easier that way, but…thems the breaks. Eh? :D

      • YesMyKidsAreSocialized
        YesMyKidsAreSocialized says:

        I thought she told blueray he was worthless and should commit suicide if he was actually taking advice from a group of INFPs.

        • MBL
          MBL says:

          YMKAS, correct. Did you think that I was attributing the comment to Joyce? I was referencing when Joyce posted the quote from PT further up in the comments. The ‘reply’ option ran out so I decided to respond directly to Tracey’s comment.

        • Blandy
          Blandy says:

          Joyce, MBL, et al., thank you for the clarity. I confess my gut response is still “Pfft, she wasn’t being literal, and even if it were a callous remark who cares? That’s on her, not you [or blueray].” That said, ENTPs (me) are equal opportunity offenders by nature and almost never get offended, so I am sure I’ve been guilty of the same thing a million times. Live and learn.

          • YesMyKidsAreSocialized
            YesMyKidsAreSocialized says:

            Brandy, I once heard someone refer to ENTPs as real life “trolls”. But that makes sense with what you said.

    • Joyce
      Joyce says:

      Hi, Tracey! Please understand that while I never slit my wrists, I experienced depression so I cannot joke about it. Penelope narrates that she experienced depression so I was surprised about her comment. I initially thought of disregarding the comment, but I eventually decided to speak up on behalf of those of us who had depression. I hope you understand.

      I am glad that you loved the webinar. That’s great, and I’m happy your life improved as a result. On the other hand, I found her INFP webinar lacking even on day one, but I gave her a chance for four days. For me, she did not meet the expectations that she set, so I asked for a full refund. That’s why I’m now content to read and comment on her blog, but I will avoid her webinars. Maybe if she will apologize, I may reconsider.

  19. Tracey
    Tracey says:

    Hi Joyce,

    No one escapes life unscathed by depression. It’s extremely common. This is how I deal with remarks that trigger painful associations:

    I was sexually assaulted once and used to get upset every time I heard a rape joke, which was daily. It was a terrible way to live so I made a conscious choice to not get upset over them and forgive the people making them. Forgiveness means recognising that the other person did not intend to hurt you. People are always going to be offensive. It’s reckless to let other people’s remarks in your heart. They have nothing to do with you. It’s a choice to believe otherwise. Hope this helps.

    • Joyce
      Joyce says:

      I’m sorry, Tracey, I did not mean to be harsh to you.

      When I encounter bad things or people who behave badly, I tend to understand them first and forgive them. For example, when a person is rude, I ask him to stop or make a joke that would get her to stop. I do not get angry.

      But I still feel bad about the thing or behavior because I could have avoided it or could have made it better. Then I feel sad. I already have a great job with a lot of alone time, but sometimes I wish I can be an ENTJ, INTJ, or ENTP who can be indifferent and just focus on making money and ruling the world.

  20. Joyce
    Joyce says:

    Tracey, that’s harsh. I’m sorry that you went through that hell, and hope that you got or are getting all the help that you need.

    I understand that Penelope never intended to offend or hurt blueray, me, or any of us who attended the INFP webinar. I forgave her for making the remark and forgive myself for holding on to it. It’s good that you forgive the people who make rape jokes.

    But if we don’t point it out to them, how can they realize that they are doing something wrong? How do we draw the line? I woukd be bothered if someone would later ask, “Why did you not say anything?” or worse, “Why did you allow the evil thing to continue?”

  21. Ali K
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    As an INFP, I personally LOVED the INFP example. I think there was SO much truth in her words and honestly, when Penelope uses examples about INFP’s, it makes me embrace who I am even more. Honestly, I have opened so many amazing books to just sit there and be lost in my own thoughts once a sentence or two was read, the words as a catalyst for thoughts that may have never come without being prompted. Penelope, keep writing and encouraging the world as you do, you are priceless. <3

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