Online course: Be your real INFJ self without feeling frustrated

This course includes four days of video sessions and email-based course materials. You can purchase this course for anytime, on-demand access. The cost is $195.

Sign up now.

The person I spend more time with than anyone else right now is Carla. She is an INFJ. And, I confess, I said I’d never work with an INFJ, because they are too hard to manage. But I retract everything after working closely with one.

I met Carla when I was interviewing for someone to help me in my garden and the biggest qualification was that they didn’t talk to me.

Carla was fine with that. She wanted time to think. Gardening in peace and quiet was a good job for her.

Except that I started talking to her.

It started out just little conversations. Like, I bought a spaceship for the garden. I asked her if she liked it. She said it would look like a stepping stone without the frogs that seem to have come out of the ship.

She was right. Who knew she was an expert on garden spaceships? So she became my garden editor. I asked her if the chairs are good. She said, “Be careful not to junk up the garden. I can see you might have a tendency to do that.”

She was right. So I told the boys no storing their swords in the hydrangeas.

When I decided to hire a driver, the only person I could imagine sitting next to all day was Carla. She knows a little about everything, she is curious about everything, and she has no problem being quiet for hours if I want to work in the car.

I used to think INFJs were impossible to work with because they absolutely will not do something that doesn’t line up with their values. But working with Carla made me appreciate that. Because first of all, if anyone has a tenuous grasp on their own values, it’s me, an ENTJ. So Carla is a good role model for me.

But also, maybe because INFJs have an uncanny ability to see how things should be, probably because they spend more time than most people noodling and thinking about the nuances of a given situation. The upside is that driving around with Carla is like sitting next to a lie detector—nothing gets past her. The downside of this superpower is that INFJs are shocked to know that other people don’t see it that way.

The obviousness of the truth frustrates the INFJ most. We will work in this course to leverage that truth-seeing ability to create positive impact rather than frustration. Here’s the course sign up. And here’s the course plan:

Day One: Relationships: How to cultivate and care for important relationships

1. Learn to find someone’s type very quickly using your natural intuition about people. Knowing others’ types will help you craft realistic expectations for each person in your life.

More than any other type, an INFJ is able to treat each person differently depending on their individual needs and personality. Which means that an INFJ needs to know what someone’s strengths and weaknesses are so the INFJ does not demand too much from that person.

You will find that it’s freeing to not expect things of people they are not capable of delivering.

2. Choose the most meaningful friendships. No one understands you 100% so find people who can reliably connect with you on different aspects of your thinking. Find people who understand different parts of you and avoid expecting or even demanding more from them than what they can give.

3. Cultivate the ideal family. We’ll talk about who to marry (don’t marry someone who is emotionally needy—you’re an F, but not that kind of F!) and how to get along with family members (just because you can see clearly what they should be doing doesn’t mean they want you to tell them.)

Day Two: Parenting. How to raise ethical and productive kids.

1. Leverage your parenting superpower. An INFJ is being the best parent when they leverage their ability to see someone’s needs. An INFJ can see someone’s inner truth much more readily than other types can, and parenting is the time that this skill is most valuable to use.

2. Learn the three most important things for introverted parents to know. But we’ll also talk about why those things are different for an INFJ because unlike other introverts, the emotional intelligence of INFJs is very highs, and that’s a trait you can really rely on in parenting.

3. Get good at giving yourself time alone without feeling guilty. It’s imperative that you are able to take time to think—thinking time is a big part of what makes you who you are. And all the traits that make you great in relationships require you to have a lot of alone time to process information.

Day Three: Career. Find a workplace that is consistent with your values.

1. Find your most natural fit at the office. INFJs are very, very good managers. INFJs bring the unique combination of the ability to get things done with the ability to create fulfilling environments for their direct reports.

2. Learn to pick organizations that fit. INFJs have a hard time finding work they like because, for the most part, employers pay employees to operate under a set of values that is not their own, but an INFJ is not able to do that easily—it’s ethically unsound from an INFJ’s perspective.

So while an INFJ makes a great manager, when the INFJ dislikes the values senior management brings to the table, the INFJs are unable to represent that as a manager. It’s an INFJ conundrum: very competent but competent in a system they likely hate, or at least deeply disrespect.

3. Make solid plans. In this session we will make a plan for creating a work environment that is consistent with your values, and, when that environment feels hopeless, we will create an exit plan that you can use—as many times as you need to—to get a new job more consistent with who you are and what you have to offer.

Day Four: Question and Answer

You can ask any question and you’ll get an answer tailored for your type.

I told Carla about the course and, while she is normally wary of all my sales tactics, she said, “I would take this course just to meet another INFJ. I’m not sure I’ve met another in my whole life.”

This makes sense because INFJs are the rarest of all types. So I want to also add that the INTJ course led to a very vibrant Facebook group. So I’m sure the same thing will happen with the INFJs. And, maybe Carla will even be there.

 Sign up now.

90 replies
  1. Melissa
    Melissa says:

    I’ve never met another INFJ either and I’m learning (more so confirming what I already knew inside but didn’t feel I had the right or means to validate) so much about myself type self through the personality type analysis that I’ very tempted to sign up for this course.

    There aren’t many workplaces that are consistent with my values b/c I value time with my kids above all else, I’m just too scared to quit my job and homeschool because I’m afraid we’ll starve to death. And no one is going to pay me to stay home and raise my kids.

    Years of pain and heartache have already taught me to let go of expectations from others and
    I’m already married to an emotionally needy person so the most valuable part of this course for me would be the parenting module.

    As an INFJ parent I sometimes feel that I’m forcing my intorvert-ness unto my non-INFJ kids because I don’t try to cultivate relationships with the parent community at school. So the kids very rarely hang out with other kids outside of school or their extra curricular activities and I worry that this is stifling their social development.

    But I’m hesitant to sign up because I think you’ll focus a lot on the career aspect and I’d want to spend the whole time on parenting.

    • Penelope Trunk
      Penelope Trunk says:

      Hi, Melissa.

      If the course were for ENTJs, I would spend the whole time on career. But I know that INFJs see family first, and INFJs see career as a way to get their family what it needs. So we will approach career and family that way in the course.

      The real benefit to doing courses for just INFJs is that you don’t have to sit through advice for someone who has totally different values than you.


  2. Lisa Kroese
    Lisa Kroese says:

    “It’s an INFJ conundrum: very competent but competent in a system they likely hate, or at least deeply disrespect.” So true.

    I remember once telling someone that I could never work for a company and the looked at me as if I had nine heads – what other work can you do? Once I had a job I mostly liked. I worked supporting a person who worked in politics, I had helped her get elected and she offered me a job when she won. You can’t agree all the time though in a circumstance like that, but I got along well with her. I remember I got an email back from our chief of staff once saying “It’s nice to know you think of us as your overlords.”

    I thought to myself “Oops, did I say that? Well, it’s true, you should know about it.”

    I am self employed now, so that works out well most of the time. I almost got a job with a major non profit group before we moved and that might have worked out too.

  3. Allyria
    Allyria says:

    I live in Australia. Will the time difference affect my ability to do the course? I would probably be at work or asleep when the videos and email materials go up.

    • Penelope Trunk
      Penelope Trunk says:

      You can view the courses on video at a convenient time. And you can send emails to me throughout the course to ask me questions which I will either cover in the next session or respond to directly via email.


  4. Jana
    Jana says:

    Infj here :)

    You nailed it as usual. My kids are grown and out and I have the luxury of just doing some freelance work and running a very small online business. Will the course still be relevant for me? I am actually secretly pleased that I have a rare personality type :) What’s weird is that I first took the Myers Briggs in high school and I’m still the same type although I’ve grown and changed over the past 30 years.

    • Penelope Trunk
      Penelope Trunk says:

      I don’t think we are ever too old to want to feel understood. And I don’t think we are ever too old to get excited at the idea of being around people who are like us.

      It is the INFJs especially who love to learn about themselves, so no INFJ is too old or too young for this course. Part of being an INFJ is getting excited about insight. And this course will give INFJs tons of insight about themselves.


  5. Kelsey
    Kelsey says:

    I am an INFJ, and I am married to another INFJ and friends with two others, though the friends both live in different states now. I am intrigued by this course, but I have two questions. 1. Will this course be useful for an INFJ with Asperger’s? I have Asperger’s. 2. What about people who are unsure about having children? My husband and I are both undecided on this issue. Do other INFJs feel that way, and is the initial decision something that will be covered?

    • Penelope Trunk
      Penelope Trunk says:

      Yes INFJs feel uncertain about children. We will cover this topic because it’s very important to INFJs. It’s unusual to be an F and be on the fence about kids, but it’s typical for an INFJ.

      Understanding your personality type actually helps you to understand where Aspergers is affecting you and how to use your strengths to sidestep weaknesses.

      For example, INFJs care A LOT about people, and if you have Aspergers you have a hard time expressing that you care about people. Working with these two pieces of information you can trust your INFJ traits to balance your Asperger trait.

      Also, INFJs are typically reserved, but people with Aspergers typically have a poor sense of when to shut up. So you might be able to be a less reserved version of INFJ which would probably help a lot of people — you would be more willing to share yourself with people faster.

      So, this is all to say that when I coach people with Aspergers it’s invaluable to also know their personality type. The two pieces have to work together.


  6. Lauren Bishop
    Lauren Bishop says:

    Thank you for doing this for INFJs! Yeah!

    In Day 4, do we get to hear all the questions and answers? Or do we just get an answer to our own question? I think and hope it’s the latter…

    • Penelope Trunk
      Penelope Trunk says:

      You hear everyone’s questions and answers. And for people who cannot make it to the live version of the fourth session, I can answer questions via email.


  7. Andrew
    Andrew says:

    INTJ webinar graduate here. (Penelope should have asked for testimonials from us, I think she would have received good feedback.)

    I was skeptical about the INTJ course before I took it.

    But it was fantastic. Since the course I’ve made changes at work to better play to my strengths, and I’m actively trying to going after management opportunities at work.

    The INTJ Facebook group is really fun, too. I’ve made some fun Internet friends. It’s not like those INTJ forums on the internet where everyone is super nasty to each other.

    (I do wish Penelope interacted with the Facebook group, but she’s probably too busy with her company. And we have Melissa, who is really fun.)

    I’m trying to get my good INFJ friend to take the course.

    • Melissa
      Melissa says:

      Another INTJ that took the course here (Hi Andrew!). I too was skeptical, and then found the course to be very valuable. I came away with more than a few methods that I was able to put into practice like, immediately.

      Also, the best part was when Penelope spend 5 minutes telling us why people don’t like INTJs. As people who crave that kind of direct feedback but so rarely get it, it was so refreshing and definitely helped me see how the rest of the world sees us (not our strong suit).

      But the most lasting impact is indeed the Facebook group. I have found myself using it as a reference a few times a week. Andrew rightly points out that our little group is a lot higher quality than other INTJ forums out there. (See the cesspool that is Reddit INTJ.) A problem’ll come up, and I think “I should ask the group how they would handle this situation.” It’s so useful to get help from people that really understand your type.

  8. Alison
    Alison says:

    Can you say a bit more about how the course works? Is it a webinar? Interactive? How long is each daily segment?

  9. Denise Michelle
    Denise Michelle says:

    I’ve known I was an INFJ for a couple of decades (inevitable psych nerd), and quit counseling to try managing. It has not felt like a good fit at all, but already you’ve hit the nail on the head regarding the likely reasons why I am unhappy in this new career field. Looking forward to learning exit strategies! And if possible, how on earth to get through a phone interview when I cannot see and assess those who are assessing me, I’m missing all the body language cues I rely on to get that individual insight, and I can’t come up with great answers on the spot, no mulling time available!

  10. Lisa Claflin
    Lisa Claflin says:

    There are a couple life downsides to this personality type. First, people connect so deeply with INFs that they want to keep the relationship going forever, feel like they are understood so deeply, even want to visit. Abandoned my FB page cuz of it. Ha.

    The “good manager” upside is true. In the 80s I founded a not-for-profit with 10K seed money and had it up to 12 employees and 750K/yr in a couple years and had job offers all over and my staff each did the work of two people.

    Also true that I walked away from all of it cuz I had two brilliant kids and a severely autistic oldest child and we lived for years on my husbands 17K/yr salary (at that time). Twenty years later the two younger kids have multiple terminal degrees and are even more brilliant and original. I’m still home. Hard to know what to do next. That’s the second life downside, an almost obsessive focus on parenting and the family somewhat due to a core philosophical lack of concern about anything else and wanting adult independence and an authentic life for your adult kids. …pick up one end of the stick and you get the whole stick A lot of women my age have careers and independent money and while I have a lot, I don’t have that.

    The counselor label is right too… working on my fiction book with a main character of Sigmund Freud reincarnated.

    Stumbled onto Penelope Trunk’s site via a creative article she wrote (that I sent to my adult kids) and know from experience that her bucolic surroundings are more expansive than the people tend to be. Spent a lot of my life in this mostly rural-small town agriculture-cultured state as a fifth generation Wisconsinite.

    For what it’s worth, I think that the ironic thing about female INFJs is that in intimate relationships they tend to be more detached than stereotypical relationships and need a lot of time for intellectual and other pursuits and I think this confuses their partner. A high emotional IQ and effective interpersonal skills tends to make the INFJ handle people. Hope Ms Trunk continues to write on this subject.

  11. C.A. Lewis-McCarren
    C.A. Lewis-McCarren says:

    See!!! I TOLD you Penelope!!!! INFJ’s….you needed one. I’ve always sensed you need balance in your life and someone kind, but firm enough to say things you might not want to hear or perhaps, someone who will persevere with you because they genuinely like and care about you with no ulterior motives attached. I’m happy you have sort of changed your attitude towards us. :D

  12. Dawn
    Dawn says:

    What do I do if I can’t figure out what type I am? I feel like I have a hard time judging myself and when I take the quizzes I could argue myself either way. What the heck! I thought I was ENFJ for years, but maybe I’m more of an I… and then the one time I took a MB test without realizing it was one and I ended up with the exact opposite of an ENFJ! Help!

    • E
      E says:

      This is weird, but a trick I learned is to take the test with exact OPPOSITE of what you would normally answer. This sounds weird, but sometimes it’s easier to confidently answer what you definitely WOULDN’T do. Then you can flip the letters. Or, more accurately, just take the Quistic test and ask Penelope for help if you are having trouble with your type.

    • Penelope Trunk
      Penelope Trunk says:

      You’re probably an ENFP. An ENFP can come out any type if they take the test enough. ENFPs live in the realm of possibilities and don’t like to be boxed in. So no answer to a question feels right to an ENFP because they can always see another way it could be answered. Everyone has this feeling to some extent but ENFPs have it so strongly that they usually cannot nail down a score. So, read about ENFPs and see if that sounds like you.


  13. Julie
    Julie says:

    Yeahy Penelope!
    Thanks for offering this course. I liked the description of the INTJ course better though. Probably because I still have a hard time understanding how being a lie detector could help anyone…I mean who wants to hear the truth really? And is it really the truth? I sometimes feel for a lot of people what I “see” comes from nowhere and
    I just make things up. Only later they sometimes realize I was right. This is what frustrates me right now, and I feel being an INTJ is perhaps “better” because you have something concrete to offer to the people. I hope this course will provide concrete application for INFJ to use their skills though!

    • Julie
      Julie says:

      I would like to add something to my previous comment. After some thoughts, I am actually pretty pissed that this post or the course offered is only about how INFJs can in some kind of way help or relate to others. I know very well that INFJs are all about others. There is no need to do a course about that. The post shows very well how Carla is helpful to you Penelope, but do you really know what she thinks ? Do you really know who she is ? I doubt it. I doubt that this course is going to address what I believe is a fundamental issue for an INFJ, which is being able to be whole. We are always so filled with empathy it’s hard to be ourselves. But we have a right to be ourselves like any other type. And without being able to express ourselves, how can we be fulfilled with a relationship or work ?

      • Melissa
        Melissa says:

        Welp, pretty sure that you’re not an INTJ!

        One of the funny episodes during that course was how a Penelope and Melissa ID’d a few mistakenly diagnosed INFJs that thought they were INTJs.

        By the way, INTJs don’t really care that the world truly knows us or sees us as were really are. That’s like INTJ hell. So if that’s one of your personal values, maybe you should put time into figuring out how to get more of that into your life.

        • Julie
          Julie says:

          I’m 100% sure I’m not an INTJ ; )

          Thank for your comment, it reminded me that I should just start to be more myself.

    • Penelope Trunk
      Penelope Trunk says:

      Julie, it’s part of being an INFJ that you think the INTJ type might be better. It’s just so, so, common. We will cover that in the course.

      The other thing, though, is that the best way to get insight about your type is to be with someone who deals with your type but is not your type. It’s sort of like it’s easier to solve other peoples’ problems than your own.

      You don’t need another perspective from an INFJ. You have yours. You need fresh perspective in order to address issues you have not yet figured out how to address.


  14. Cáit
    Cáit says:

    Dear Penelope,
    Longtime lurker on your education site (if you used to have lots of Belgian hits until about a year ago..)
    I am a classic INFJ. I live to see the hidden meaning of everything. The INFJ struggles for me always involve real people. I mean my imaginary world, intellectual life, is orderly and rich and flows very well. But although I love nothing more than perceiving other people, I *cannot* fit in with moms groups etc. I have learned the hard way that certain milieus attract the sorts of people who will just find us weird and we will feel like aliens.
    I think homeschooling mom is a great career for INFJ. We can see our moral and aesthetic values realised in a supernatural way.
    I don’t know how other INFJs feel about this: the desire so strong to connect with other people, and share our mysterious worldviews, but feeling like a weirdo.
    As a young woman I had the answer to this: casual acquaitanceships and co-worker relationships were anxiety producing minefields, but romantic relations were natural easy and intuitive. Love is so much easier than like for us.
    I just want to be able to form high quality friendships with really interesting people, not the other moms who I know think I’m a bad housekeeper…

    • Sarah N
      Sarah N says:

      Hi Cáit,

      Fellow INFJ homeschooling parent here. I’d love to see this course act as an intersection between Penelope’s two blogs, but that’s because I’m living it, and I find the balance of meeting my kids’ needs and mine to be a struggle.

    • Ms L
      Ms L says:

      I am an INFJ woman and get very depressed when I spend all day at home. Being a full time homemaker is not for me. I loved being a teacher and am now applying to PhDs in school psychology. I don’t think career choices need be dichotomous in the sense of either you’re a CEO or a housewife. There are many things in between the two. I feel much better about myself when I receive a paycheck with my name on it and when I’m using my brain for something other than play-do and Blues Clues. There are 16 personality types but how many billions of people in the world? Think about it… not all generalizations are true. I hope to practice school psychology at a good district and to teach some college level psych or education courses as well and to conduct research on adolescent learning and development.

  15. Buchanan Moncure
    Buchanan Moncure says:

    Hey Penelope – longterm reader of your blog and HUGE fan of Making Scenes. I’ve searched your blog many, many times for ‘INFJ’ to see what I could find about myself!

    Very envious of those of you who will be attending – I hope this one gets repeated during better times financially!

  16. Jeff Melvin
    Jeff Melvin says:

    I will second Andrew’s testimonial about the INTJ Course. So helpful at work. So helpful in life. If you are an INFJ there is not a better way to spend $195.00 to get targeted advice. Put it on a credit card if you have to.

    Alison, it is webinar format with Penelope talking to us from different rooms of her house each night for an hour+ with a monitored chat room. So, Melissa keeps up with all of your questions and Penelope answers them.

  17. Julie
    Julie says:

    As an INFJ I really appreciated this (and laughed out loud in several spots). Hope to meet Carla. Your exchanges with her sound exactly like mine with my husband.

  18. Bernadette
    Bernadette says:

    Penelope, I am so excited you have created an INFJ course!

    I’m based in London and I’m concerned about the time difference. Since I won’t be able to view the videos live, will I be able to interact with other people on the course? Also, how will the 4th day work? Will you create a video based on the questions you receive, or will you be answering them live?

  19. Doug B
    Doug B says:

    Wow, after 20 years of being a middle manager and feeling like one of the smarter people around, I never could figure out why I had no stomach for moving up to the C Level of any company. Your statement below sums up my sentiments as am INFJ exactly. Thanks so much for giving me some peace with my career! Doug

    So while an INFJ makes a great manager, when the INFJ dislikes the values senior management brings to the table, the INFJs are unable to represent that as a manager. It’s an INFJ conundrum: very competent but competent in a system they likely hate, or at least deeply disrespect.

  20. Stephanie
    Stephanie says:

    I’m really looking forward to this! I hope I can participate live as much as possible – but that 8 pm timeslot is tricky for the parent of a one year old who doesn’t like to sleep.

  21. Laura
    Laura says:

    I really hope this is a sign that you will slowly be working through each of the types. I am an ENFJ that took your Personality Type Master Class, and I would love nothing more than to delve deeper into my type with other ENFJs. I’ve already forwarded this link on to all my favorite INFJs!

  22. Kendra
    Kendra says:

    I am an INFJ and prefer not to marry or have children. I have a partner for 10+ years but do not live with him. I also have no traditional career – I freelance in various capacities. I expect I’m not that unusual for an INFJ who is also an artist. As you say, it’s the rarest type, and unlikely to want to fit in to any given mold. So why the focus on marriage, children, and workplace?

    • Kelsey
      Kelsey says:

      Marriage, children, and workplace are areas of high societal pressure. It sounds like you have already found great self-management strategies that allow you to circumvent traditional expectations, but not everyone is artistically talented or able to work from home, nor is every potential romantic partner accommodating, and there are a huge number of factors involved in choosing whether or not to have children. Marriage, children, and workplace are areas of challenge for INFJs. In what areas do you still struggle as an INFJ? What would be of interest to you at this phase of life?

      • Kendra
        Kendra says:

        Hi Kelsey, I understand your point. I do feel I have found some self-management strategies but at the same time I feel I am hiding from life. I struggle in all those areas of life that are considered “normal”. I always feel like I haven’t read the playbook : ). I guess my biggest struggle as an INFJ at this point in my life (age 38) is figuring out what the heck I can be useful for. I feel I am so in my own head all the time.

        • Kelsey
          Kelsey says:

          Kendra, it sounds like you have a lot of useful knowledge to share. Those three areas you mentioned earlier are still high stress areas for me at this stage (24), and I am fascinated by your work-arounds, especially where career is concerned. Many people find their usefulness and meaning in child-rearing, through faith, or through teaching. It sounds like you have a lot of insight and experience. Have you considered teaching a class in your art (low time commitment, limited number of students) or mentoring? Or if people aren’t your thing, volunteering?

          I don’t know about you, but I’m tired of normal. Normal people live unquestioned lives full of extraneous commitments. I vastly prefer my calm, meaningful, highly intentional existence. I’m trying to re-frame my lack of grace in typical situations as a skill that allows me to improve upon convention rather than just accept the status quo.

          • Kendra
            Kendra says:

            Hi Kelsey, I really understand your exhaustion with normal. And your desire for reframing! When we don’t accept the status quo it can be scary. I am still trying to accept the life I have apparently chosen for myself! I do volunteer in my community, actually, and have to convince myself every time to go but I’m always glad I did!

  23. Stephanie
    Stephanie says:

    I’ve always noticed how many infj’s there are in your comments. I’m an enfj and 80% of the people in my life are infj. According to the statistics I should only know about 1 in 100. I attract them but almost always feel at a loss as how to help them. I seem to understand them better than other types but their internal struggles are difficult for me to understand. I will certainly spread the word.

  24. Lauren
    Lauren says:

    Yay! I look forward to this course. Friendships I find to be very difficult because many do not understand my varied interests. For example, enjoy speaking with those about human rights issues and ethical philosophical discussions but later on Friday I am going to a Japanese Anime event. I am into the rapper Nas and Yo-Yo Ma the classical cellist. I hang out with other moms after school sometimes but I am taking a data science course on the side for personal interest and can’t discuss with them. I enjoy buying quality clothing that tends to be expensive but I am not vain and have a hard time relating to those who are. In my experience, people have a hard time accepting these differences as it goes up against their stereotypical belief system? I have found it best to not show your whole self to friends because you might alienate yourself further. Ya, it sucks. Also I find ENTJ women in general REALLY don’t understand me (and I don’t understand them). Again, my husband says it is because I am a contradiction to them? who knows? ;)

  25. Lauren Bishop
    Lauren Bishop says:


    Close relationships are easy for me. I have no trouble finding friends, especially because I don’t require many of them.

    But I do have trouble with groups. I know who I like in a group and tend to open up only to those where I feel a strong connection is possible. Sometimes that’s only one person at a party! If I don’t hit it off with someone, I keep things at a shallow, superficial level from then on. Conversations get short and boring. I become a disengaged version of myself.

    My main concern isn’t how this looks to others, but how it FEELS to ME. This aloof version of myself is not the real me. I know I can be funny, warm and interesting, but then there are social scenarios where the parts of me that I love are replaced with a closed, shy anxiety, and an exclusiveness (only talking in an engaged way to the people I like/feel comfortable with).

    Of course, with my razor perception, I can tell that I am not getting along with people. I want to be able to let loose and be my true self at a party.

    I hope you can comment on how to make social functions more rewarding for INFJs. So far my solution has been to enjoy what I can and try not to care what others think. But I’m an INFJ… of course I care.

    Lauren Bishop

  26. Jennefer
    Jennefer says:

    Looking forward to this!

    I’m a stay at home mom with a three year old and six month old. It is very rewarding work to nurture these two tiny humans but exhausting with little down time. I find myself letting my three year old watch tv during baby nap time just so I can Kind of check out and have some time to think (and/or read)! But I feel guilty because I know that’s not what’s best for him.

    I plan to homeschool so I will be primarily focused on my kids for some time but I know at some point I am going to want or possibly need to make some money but I wouldn’t even know where to start! I don’t really care to go back to an office job in a large bank again.

    So, yeah, looking forward to this!

    On a side note Penelope, I am a little surprised you have not posted anything about this on your homeschool blog. I am sure there are homeschooling INFJ parents who read that blog that would have so much to gain from this course! Or maybe they already read this blog as well like me? Love everything you write! Always insightful and interesting links. I would read your work for the links alone!

    • Lauren Bishop
      Lauren Bishop says:

      It’s okay to let your kids watch tv. Mom has to be rejuvenated in order to be a good parent. Burn out is real, and preventing it is in everyone’s best interest. Go easy on yourself.

      As an INFJ, watching TV is one of my favorite past times. It was as a child too.

      If watching TV allows you to come to the table with more energy, that’s better for the child than a drained mother who’s not fully present.

      • Jennefer
        Jennefer says:

        Thank Lauren. I know it. I really do. That’s why we do it. I just always am working to be better. Find ways to meet my needs and also keep my kids engaged and doing what’s best for them at the same time.

        But I know that I need to be flexible and go easy on myself, especially with a new baby. For that first year it’s almost survival mode really. (We are doing better than just surviving, but we certainly have our challenges).

  27. Gena
    Gena says:

    Some of this is so right on! Something to add: I was so stressed that I don’t know how talk to my baby because I don’t know what kind of person she is (major laughs from people about this) or always crafting that perfect moment and never being able to get it… would love to know how to be less frustrated with that or give up? Stop chasing after perfection somehow? I am not interested in the career part as I gave it up for kids. Ditto to all the comments about better connecting with one, wanting to give all to kids, being in conflict with corporate values.

    • Jennefer
      Jennefer says:

      Oh Gena,

      I absolutely adore you for worrying about how to talk to your baby! So many moms don’t really think of their children, and especially babies as the real whole people they are!

      Keep talking to your baby! I find a ‘sportscasting’ style works well. “You dropped your toy. You seem frustrated.” ” you sure are interested in mummy’s phone.” “You were on your back and then you rolled onto your tummy! You did it!”

      Then from there just tune in and observe, observe, observe. Your baby will communicate back and start to show you who they are. No need to craft a moment, just wait for it. It will happen.

      You might enjoy this blog
      And/or her book Elevating Childcare. It’s all about treating babies and toddlers (and older children too!) with respect. I have found her blog extremely helpful.

      I also highly, highly recommend teaching your baby sign language. I hAve learned so much from my children and their interests and just what makes them them through signing with them. My youngest started signing to me at just 9 weeks. Yeah, that’s a big laugh to most people. But he did, and our relationship is so much stronger for it.

      • Stephanie
        Stephanie says:

        I love Janet Lansbury! And I recommend baby sign language as well. The only sign he signs back is “milk” when he wants to nurse but he seems to understand what the others are, even if he doesn’t sign back yet.

    • Amy A
      Amy A says:

      I carried my babies in-arms or in a sling and did as much going-about-my-day as possible (or did a lot of just ‘being’ if that’s all I could handle).

      Additionally, with my second baby, I did elimination communication (or “natural infant hygiene”).

      Between the experiences of elimination communication, nursing, and co-sleeping, I understood my babies’ needs on multi-sensory levels.

      I would say the infancy stages are about feeling rather than using words. If the words come naturally, say them. But words aren’t required. It’s amazing what takes place when bonded with baby; to an outsider, one might think, “How in the world did the mom know baby needed to nurse/pee/move around/etc.?”

      The book _The Continuum Concept_ rocked my world. Reading about the Yequana tribe and how they wore their babies and went about their day-to-day business…well, it changed my life and outlook on parenting and life.

      Jan Hunt’s website, The Natural Child Project, has some great articles on it.

      I am someone whose life purpose revolves around self-expression. So, I’ve put much thought into this area. And of course, I’m an INFJ too.

  28. Beckie
    Beckie says:

    “I used to think INFJs were impossible to work with because they absolutely will not do something that doesn’t line up with their values.” My mind is blown. I’ve been struggling at my job for years, not because it’s hard work, but it doesn’t make sense (in the grander scheme of things). But I never knew why I felt so strongly about procrastinating..I kept wondering what was wrong with me. I’m excited to realize what my roadblock has been. Now I think I can try to work toward a solution. I hope the course will stay posted on the site. I’d love to take it when I can afford it.

  29. Luna Darcy
    Luna Darcy says:

    Hi Penelope,

    I am an ISFJ and I am so glad you covered this topic as I learned so much now from INFJs.

    I’m off to reading your previous posts! I sure have a lot to catch up on.

    Have an awesome weekend!


  30. Virginia
    Virginia says:

    Penelope – Can you describe the format for the course? Will we be able to type questions to you in real time? If we are more comfortable lurking, is that okay?

    I am an INFJ and one problem I have, despite being 36, is that I think I am still trying to make my parents proud instead of living my own authentic life. My parent’s, of the baby boomers generation, believe that having a big career is the most important thing a person can achieve. I have a pretty good career but I am thinking about scaling back to spend more time with my family and to pursue some other passions.

    • Penelope Trunk
      Penelope Trunk says:

      Hi Virginia. Lurking in the course is fine. You can also send questions directly to me via email so you don’t have to type them into the live chat.

      That said, you might find you want to participate rather than lurk, because everyone in the course will be so much like you. It’s an amazing feeling to be a room full of people who are your type. You really really belong, and people understand you. For INFJs especially, this is a rare opportunity.


  31. Elizabeth
    Elizabeth says:

    I am in Australia, so the webinar timeframe is difficult for me. Will this be recorded for later purchase?

    Also, as an INXJ, I find that people constantly reach out to me for support but when I need it myself I find it very difficult to find and I end up having to pay a counsellor. I’d be curious to know if other INFJs experience this as well and if so, why this is the case.

    • Julie
      Julie says:

      I have that too Elizabeth. I didn’t find any good counselor, so I usually write down what I feel without paying attention if it actually makes sense. It has helped me to realize that everything I feel doesn’t necessary come from me. So I can have a more objective appreciation from a situation.

      Also I don’t think you can expect from other people the level of understanding you can give to others.

    • Denise Michelle
      Denise Michelle says:

      Elizabeth- AGREED! I am blessed to have a couple of dear soul-mate friends that have become my support, but I know I am lucky to have found them. On the other hand, this is a constant disappointment with romantic relationships, I am counsellor, coach, cheerleader, confidant… but when I need anything close in return, I am completely let down, and the disappointment is so deep, I end the relationship.

    • Amy A
      Amy A says:

      I have the same experiences as you (Elizabeth, Julie, and Denise).

      I end up coaching myself because I don’t know anyone who can give me helpful advice or who understands things like I do. Well, there is one coach I hired, Scott Noelle, who seems to get it on an emotional level (I haven’t hired Penelope yet, whose forthright, no-BS advice is helpful too). But certainly in day-to-day life, I must provide my own support and meet my own needs. This is one reason I love coaching: I am guaranteed to have the kind of deep discussions I enjoy having.

      I too have had the experience of people (who aren’t coaching clients) loving what I have to offer but are unable to offer the same level of value to me. I don’t stick around (Not sticking around might have something to do with INFJs needing closure as well as our sticking to our values–which Penelope has touched on). Too frustrating and disappointing; I only have time, energy and desire for something great…something at least equally as good as being alone.

      While some people love having several friends and acquaintances, I only need one good friend (plus, my children). It has proven to be all but impossible so far to find the friend who is a satisfying match. Yet, I know a few hundred of people, so ironic. Thankfully, I learned to love myself and enjoy my independence. Time alone is a treat and even a blast.

      Is being particular about who we allow in our life an INFJ trait?

      I also wonder how many INFJs are highly-sensitive.

      • Denise Michelle
        Denise Michelle says:

        “…something at least equally as good as being alone.”

        Amy- yes, EXACTLY!! Since I actually really enjoy my alone time, this is probably a taller order to fill than with other personality types. I just hadn’t ever thought about it like this, but it is so very true.

  32. ADV
    ADV says:

    Hi! This course sounds very interesting, but do you have to log in at specific times to access the information? Asking for those of us working with a demanding schedule since most of this is during the week! I am always scoring INFJ on the real test but seasoned MBTI theorists have pegged me as INFP. ENFJ (i’m not) and ENFP. I am CLOSE on E/I and J/P but not NF and N is my strongest one always!

  33. ADV
    ADV says:

    I have met other INFJs, have 1 very good friend who is one, in fact she’s the type theorist who says I’m too”E” to be an “I” but I need and crave my alone time. My dad is INFP and I am quite like him!

  34. JML
    JML says:

    For years I’ve come up as an INFJ. But lately I think that I might actually be a P. Do you think this matters, in terms if your course?

    • Penelope Trunk
      Penelope Trunk says:

      I think you’ll learn a lot from the course whether you’re an INFP or INFJ. The big difference is how much time you need to spend alone. INFPs need lot more time alone. Also, INFJs do not mind conflict when it comes to upholding a principal. INFPs are not as willing to endure conflict and are much less likely to stick to a principal in the first place — INFPs are more flexible.

      Side note: I’ll end up doing an INFP course down the line. Maybe in a few months.


  35. Evet
    Evet says:

    Excited to take the class, but like everyone here, I have many questions regarding the format and schedule. I have a 14 month babe and not sure I’ll be able to log on for the duration of the course, although, I’d love to. Will the class be an hour, or more? I have had a one-on-one coaching session with Penelope and it was quite interesting (she shifted my thinking). I am an INFJ and often feel misunderstood. I feel like I don’t fit in and although I am 40, I don’t know what to do with my life because everything needs to be aligned with my values – and nothing ever fits. Also, since I’ve had my baby, I no longer know who or what I am? I am looking forward to the course and meeting similar types (and our struggles).

  36. Hannah Ransom
    Hannah Ransom says:

    I am wondering if you address anything about (actually, I’m not 100% sure if this is an INFJ thing, but it feels like it would be) blocking yourself off from a lot of relationships or being intimate with many people as a self-defense mechanism?

    I’m pretty certain I do this, and I could see it being an INFJ thing.

  37. Marisa
    Marisa says:

    I’m an INFJ and the course sounds fantastic. But I live in a cabin in the middle of nowhere. Internet is spotty and unreliable for live chats and videos of much length. Frankly, $195 is a lot when I’m not at all sure that I’ll be able to make use of half of the material. Perhaps, when you have the time, you could offer a pared-down version that would contain the same basic information but heavier on the reading & lighter on the videos.

    Anyway, thanks for being passionate about understanding personalities. The seminar topics seem relevant and interesting.

  38. Jenn Sutherland
    Jenn Sutherland says:

    Ha! As soon as I read about the course, my first thought was – “I’d like to do this to meet other INFJs.” Carla was way ahead of me. And I think I will take the class – I still keep in touch with a few folks from the first MBT class you taught online – all INFJs, naturally. See you soon!

  39. C.A.
    C.A. says:

    Hi Penelope,

    What do you mean by “We’ll talk about who to marry (don’t marry someone who is emotionally needy—you’re an F, but not that kind of F!)”?

    Could you maybe give an MBTI example of those who are too emotionally needy? I am most particularly interested in that area of Webinar and considering taking this course.

    Thank you!

  40. Alex
    Alex says:

    Hi Penelope,

    I’m an INFJ intent on having a big corporate career. I want to better understand how to leverage my strengths and find a role that fits.

    But my concern is that a lot of the literature seems to actively steer INFJs away from working in the corporate track, rather than providing any useful detail on how to make such a career work for an INFJ. Will Days 3 and 4 cover this, or will we focus on the usual INFJ careers like counselling and writing?


    • Catherine
      Catherine says:

      I’m also an INFJ with zero interest in the stereotypically suggested careers of counseling. The idea of dealing with people’s problems one-on-one makes me want to poke myself in the eyeballs. Naturally for family and friends this is something I do with great pleasure, and even get energized from it. But with strangers, I would probably get fired for being too blunt. Plus it emotionally burns me out. I have clinical experience from working in research. Had to find this out the hard way.

      The way I see it, we have analytical abilities few others possess. Not in the way let’s say an ISTJ would have (precision, attention to detail, super fact-oriented…definitely one of my favorite types!). I would say more in the way of systems, bigger-picture INTJ-like thinking. The big question with INFJs (from what I am gathering and could be super wrong about this), what area/company do we care enough to apply our talents and ideas?

  41. Amy A
    Amy A says:

    What strikes me about this post and the related post on your Education blog (“The key to understanding parent-child relationships for INFJs”) is your seemingly deep respect and even adoration for INFJs. Your desire to understand, learn, and learn from this (my) personality type–which it appears you are pretty darn successful at–makes me feel happy and hopeful.

    Interestingly, all of the above are the things I have learned I must have in a partner.

    I was in a long-term relationship with an ENTJ. He was very resistant to what I have to offer (the areas you outlined in your posts). And therefore, I was deemed almost worthless. He is a do-er. And expected me to be (in the ways he decided were important); so I failed all the time.

    I think often about how all he would have to do, to have me back in his life as a friend, would be to take advantage of what I have to offer, to put to use the things I see so clearly. And his life would be tremendously improved, including being relieved of much self-imposed stress and experiencing a huge sense of freedom.

    He is an intense person with a sometimes intrusive energy, who hates being told what to do (even in the form of an idea)–I think this stems from protecting his ego at all costs.

    His recognizing and making use of my INFJ traits would “soften” both him and me and allow us each of us to create amazing things. It makes me sad that it doesn’t happen.

    You said that the class for ENTJs would be career-focused. The ENTJ I have been writing about doesn’t like his professional career (he sees a job only as a means to an end, and he turned into a victim about it once I stopped working full-time to be a parent). I tried for years to help him find a profession he enjoyed, to no avail. So I am really curious why he doesn’t fit in this trait of ENTJ.

    In summary, in any relationship I have, I need my INFJ and high-sensitivity traits to be of tremendous value to the person–including their openness to learning from me; it seems I can give endlessly in these ways without feeling depleted. And in return, I want to be heard, respected (in the forms of loyalty, admiration/inspiration) and protected (yes, protection is a biggy for me, as is loyalty). Without this, I am happy to be alone.

    • Another infj
      Another infj says:

      Hi there! I am also an INFJ and have several ENTJ friends and colleagues.

      From what I’ve observed, ENTJs are either very inspired and effective in carrying out their careers, or somewhat aimless.

      The career-focused ones I know are a lawyer, a hedge-fund guy, and an athlete.

      The less-career-focused ones have been drifting from one job to another. I do not think this is a sign of lack of intelligence,
      though. They seem really smart and intuitive, but I think they find a lot of things boring after a short while.

      As a woman, I have been approached by three ENTJ men in my late 20s. I love our conversations and I feel like I know what they’re talking about, even in topics I’m not familiar with. We have similar “systems” thinking and get inspired in similar ways.

      However, I was never able to connect fully romantically because I just could not tell if they were being sincere with their feelings. For instance, I felt often that I was being tested out or they couldn’t really articulate how much they would like to date me. This

  42. Catherine
    Catherine says:

    Looks like I’ll save up to take the course. I’ve finally figured out how to monetize my awesome INFJ traits, and could use this to better understand weak/blind spots (and strategize accordingly).

    Having x-ray vision into people and telling the truth to others can highly be used to our advantage.

  43. Maadhavan
    Maadhavan says:

    I am an INFJ. Perhaps more of an INFJ than most INFJs are. But I can’t take the course now. I am a student. I can’t pay now. Would the course be open 2 or 3 years from today?

  44. Emily
    Emily says:

    Wow… Hit the head on the nail, especially with the part about ME not being willing to do something outside of my values. I’ve left multiple positions and careers because of that trait and it has left me quite stuck. I’m interested in the course.

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