Dave Goldberg cause of death? I think it’s suicide
First of all, let me say that I feel really bad for everyone who is losing Dave Goldberg in their life. I feel bad that he will not get to see his two kids grow up. His death is very sad. I have not had a spouse die or a parent die and I’m sure the experience is more awful than I could even imagine.
Still. I can’t help but wonder how he died. It is completely standard in journalism to report the cause of death when the announcement is made. After the initial, cursory announcement of death, major publications frequently run an obituary when a famous person dies, yet the Wall St. Journal and the New York Times ran formal obituaries and still mention nothing of the cause of death.
If there were suspicion of murder, there would be a police report.
If there were some sort of complicated condition that Dave kept a secret, the death announcement could follow a time-honored tradition of being vague and uninformative, like saying “heart condition” or “muscular complication” or even “degenerative disease”.
Let’s say he has a terrible disease, like the one in Still Alice, where he will die early and so will his children. And let’s say his children do not know and the family has chosen not to tell them. Fine. The announcement could use that same, vague language.
If the family does not want to talk about the cause of death, it seems that the most logical thing to do would be to announce some sort of vague cause that would stop people from asking questions. But surely the family knows there will be questions if they say nothing. Dave and Sheryl are the most vocal couple on the planet about how to have a dual-career marriage, and one half of that marriage is gone. Of course people will ask questions. The best way to stop the questions is to give a vague, boring cause of death.
So the only explanation I can see for being totally quiet on this topic is that he killed himself.
Why is this important? Why do I get to ask the personally invasive question about his death?
Because Sheryl Sandberg, who was married to him, is not only Facebook’s COO, but she is also the author of the book Lean In. That book tells women that they should have a career like Sheryl’s. And, most significantly for this post, that women should pick a spouse like Dave.
Sheryl has said over and over again that it is because of her spouse that she is able to Lean In (which, loosely translated, means work insanely long hours and have kids and have a great marriage).
I want to know, how can someone Lean In as a single parent? I wonder how someone will Lean In when there is no other parent to comfort a sad child.
If this sounds spiteful and ugly it is. But I think it is also appropriate, and who else would say it besides me?
Most people have something in their life that prevents them from leaning in. I don’t actually even think this is a gender thing. I coach hundreds of men whose earning power plateaus because they won’t relocate or they won’t work weekends, or they want to be home for spring break. It’s not that we are victims of life, it’s that at some point in most of our lives there comes a time when something else is more important than Leaning In.
I don’t have any evidence that it was a suicide. All I have is someone notable died and no one is saying how. And however Sheryl’s husband died is news, since she has been news for three years telling women their husband is instrumental into the process of Leaning In.
But really, I just want to know how Dave died. Because I think he killed himself. And if he did, this might tells us a lot about what happens when both people in marriage Lean In.
Update: A few hours after I published this post news outlets started reporting various other causes of death. Here is my response to those reports: Do we still have to lean in if Dave Goldberg is dead?
To all who think this blog was in poor taste, you are hypocrites. The world wants to know how the husband of the COO of the most powerful social platform dies suddenly. Kudos to the Penelope for starting this conversation. That is what Bloggers do so don’t search for this topic if you don’t want to read the blog. If it was suicide, this could help thousands who feel despair when things go south in professional or personal life. Many of you know the stress that comes with climbing to the top and this is more common than we all will admit. God Bless this family during this very sad time.
I was very sad to hear the news, but literally my first thought was “Will Sheryl be able to ‘lean in’ without this husband?” I read her book, and while not all the advice was bad, she assumed a LOT of stuff that would not work for a lot of women’s (and men’s) actual lives and careers. She has a gajillion dollars and can hire help like crazy, but a huge part of her success was because of this spouse, and hired help cannot fully replace that. I think it will be really interesting to watch her over the next decade or so and see how (or if) her advice changes regarding careers.
If he died overseas the body needs to be flown back to the US. When is the funeral or memorial service?
I find it interesting that a person who thinks Dave Goldberg’s cause of death should be disclosed declines to include her age or DOB in the Wikipedia entry covering her.
All I see on the news is what a PERFECT marriage/life/family they had. Perfect, perfect, perfect. I think it’s obvious it was a suicide. No one’s life is perfect; why do we persist in trying to find lives that are?
Though I do think this is interesting. He died from a heart attack as i know someone that was with him in Mexico when it happened. I am sure more will come out soon, but that is the whole story, nothing that exciting, just sad.
I share the belief that this was suicide, and it would be in the family’s interest to get ahead of the story than let it fester. As for Penelope’s connection with “Lean In”, it’s perfectly appropriate. The book admonishes women to go full throttle on their careers and remove their own obstacles. Having done that, it is reasonable to ask the author of the book how that approach has turned out in her own life. She has no obligation to answer of course, but I think it is valid to ask what connection might there have been between Sandberg’s career (which she wrote was inextricably tied to her marriage) ambitions and how her marriage unfolded. Neither men nor women can have it all, and anyone claiming otherwise should be prepared to defend their viewpoint.
Not acceptable. I’m disgusted to see you speculating on something you know nothing about and when a family are in mourning.
I’m horrified to think you think your opinion matters when a family have lost a loved one.
Sheryl has made deliberately her marriage story public via “Lean In” and hence the justified public interest about how this story actually ends. Metaphorically, it has never been a good idea to cry to the face of God, gods, (whatever you believe in) that one has it all, life is not a game of chance to a large extent and since “we are 50/50”, one should not be too thankful to others. (I have not read the book though).
Thank you for this post, Penelope. I appreciate that you are brave enough to say this in public. The situation is tragic but so relevant because of the dangerous nature of the “Lean In” cult. We are seeing so many cases of this type of pressure-cooker lifestyle that literally kills people. I see it among my own overstressed friends who are wrestling with depression, anxiety, self medication, etc. Sadly, it takes this type of tragedy (as with Phillip Seymour Hoffman’s and other celebrity deaths) to get a public conversation going that might help other people who are struggling.
I don’t think Penelope is out of bounds, proven by the number of people who, even in disagreement with her writing or her premise, chose to comment. I am assuming this is a job for Olivia Pope. But when you put your entire life on a pedestal and in the public eye, you absolutely take the good with the bad. Heart attack, stroke, accident, murder… all would have been quickly mentioned if they applied to a man who was less than 50 years of age. And yes, the first day or even the second without a cause of death in the news is understandable, but we’re going on several days now and almost all media outlets recognizing the unanswered elephant are specifically saying “no cause of death has been released.”
Depression is easily missed in a lot of people. Absolutely no sign of distress in their personal lives is an often repeated refrain. So, if the man took his own life deliberately, we can absolutely respect the family and support the children while still acknowledging the truth. I can tell you this much, their father dying is going to affect this kids for a lifetime regardless of how he did it. And I can almost guarantee that if the idea is to keep it a secret, that will affect them far worse than the truth could, ever.
If he had severe depression it was way beyond anything we can imagine. He advocated for women his whole life and loved his wife dearly by all accounts. Depression is so rough, speaking from experience. You only see fog.
It also might be something innocuous. A neighbor took some nighttime cough syrup which interacted with an unknown heart condition and died at 35. Sometimes death comes unexpectedly.
My heart goes out to her and I don’t expect her to have to measure up to the world’s expectations for disclosure or “leaning in” after a death like this.
Give her space to grieve just like anyone else.
This is an insensitive, self-serving post. I never comment on these posts, but I can’t hold myself back on this one. Why would you use someone else’s grief to generate traffic to your site? Being provocative is one thing, but being an ambulance chaser is another. Great for you that you stirred up a debate by writing The Enquirer-type posts – anyone can do that. If you really have some wisdom on how to have a great career and work/life balance then you’ll get the traffic you want. You don’t have to go this route.
To people blaming Penelope for this post: Sandberg family absolutely invited this by deliberately and obviously hiding the cause of death. Doing so is not is the norm, and will cause speculations of all kinds.
No one but Sandberg made the cause of her husband’s death utterly relevant to the conversation. As much as I appreciate her attempt to protect children – she exposed her family to public scrutiny with her book, and inability to hide is an unfortunate consequence.
The questions you raise are legitimate. The Lean In movement is founded on the premise that it’s possible and healthy to combine 2 high profile, high stress careers with the lower profile but highly demanding responsibility of raising children. Dave Goldberg’s death calls this premise into question, and raises new questions like: how does the health and well being of each spouse and their children fare when both parents are at full throttle all the time?
It’s reasonable and appropriate to raise the questions that are on many of our minds and have thus far remained unasked by the mainstr media. But when you started speculating that his death was a suicide, and used an incendiary headline, it became clear that your goal was simply to drive traffic to your site. You took a cheap, distasteful shot at a family in pain. No doubt Sheryl Sandberg will need to speak publicly for her family, and shed some light on the questions you raised. But right now she is likely sitting shiva, preparing to lay her husband’s body to rest and readying her children for a life without their father. She does not need to provide immediate answers to pushy, tasteless strangers. The Lean In movement can wait while she tends to more urgent and important matters. Shame on you Penelope.
You’re forgetting autoerotic asphyxiation which would be even harder to announce to the whole world; and particularly one’s children.
Very very brave Penelope. Can’t believe the way the media have gone right to ‘best husband in the world’ and ‘champion for women’ without getting the full story. It’s irresponsible reporting. And as someone else mentioned — if it wasn’t anyone’s business there wouldn’t be hundreds of articles written on the subject. That’s the problematic contradiction here. And what Penelope is also bravely saying is that a very privileged, well-educated white woman with every advantage in the world wrote a book — feted by media worldwide — about how we can try harder to succeed. And in addition to that privilege she had a husband that made it happen (wasn’t there some ‘lean in together’ thing recently). So if it wasn’t as seemed — every person that shelled out money on that book deserves to know the truth. And maybe it will help others not to feel the distress that they aren’t good enough. Thanks for not being afraid to go there. Shame on my journalist peers for not doing their job.
This is just mean. What if he killed himself?So what? Being “famous” does not make people perfect. Stating what you think is right and what you think is the best way to go about your career/marriage/life does not necessarily make your life perfect. Mind you, even the most inspiring, intelligent and notable people have flaws, or challenges they maybe can’t cope with – if that was indeed the case. And it has nothing to do with a couple with successful careers.
Have you ever thought that maybe, just maybe, the cause of his death is none of your (or our for that matter) business?
Oh, the cry for attention. You’re just plain mean.
Has anyone considered they may not yet know the cause of death? If he died overseas there could be complications getting an autopsy or perhaps she wanted one done in the states. That takes time. If he had a heart attack unaccompanied, or a brain aneurism or clot, you would not know this without the autopsy.
Still, this has to be one of the worst posts ever. Linking this to her book is such a stretch, too. A sorry excuse for wanting to know someone else’s business. But hey you will get the hits and plenty of comments, so it is worth it even if you look like an ass in a few days, when they finally release the cause.
Sad day for Mr. Goldberg and his family.
That aside, the non-disclosure of his death may have less to do with family privacy than with his position as CEO of SurveyMonkey. They just raised $250million in December.
All speculation at this point. Again a sad day.
maybe. perhaps.
but recently someone in his 40s, a man i knew professionally, suddenly died… and there was a bewildering two-week black-out from his family. despite this man’s prominence in his field, absolutely no obituaries or a single mention of it anywhere, no info disclosed during that strangely long stretch of time. i had a feeling it was suicide, which can leave the survivors feeling guilty, ashamed, confused, even angry. so, i thought that might explain the unusual silence.
then, i found out that this man had died from an extremely brief but intense bout with cancer. so, you never know.
http://www.nytimes.com/2015/05/05/technology/dave-goldberg-cause-of-death.html
Great post. Sandberg lost her right to privacy when she launched an international campaign designed to make me feel lazy and incompetent for living a life less “high-powered” than hers.
http://fortune.com/2015/05/04/how-dave-goldberg-died/
Nothing ruins attention-grabbing rumor-pedaling more than the truth.
Would an apology from Ms. Trunk be too much to ask for? Am guessing yes because that probably doesn’t generate much in the way of blog traffic.
You criticize her for the lean in movement while writing how you were going to leave your son with the car service while he was sick and you had an important meeting with someone famous. You ultimately left him with hotel staff you don’t know. You are doing this for publicity like always.
Cause of death is not suicide,
http://www.nytimes.com/2015/05/05/technology/dave-goldberg-cause-of-death.html
This post, on many levels, embodies the internet at its worst. In fact he collapsed after exercising at a resort in Mexico. Apparent heart attack: http://www.nytimes.com/2015/05/05/technology/dave-goldberg-cause-of-death.html?partner=socialflow&smid=tw-nytimesbusiness
They just left on a vacation — they were probably making sweet love and he had a heart attack! Let’s not be so cynical, people!
This article sucks, and the person writing it has no class, or common sense.
I know you are trying to make yourself feel better because you are married to a violent, abusive man and have exposed your children to this violence, but: this post is still awful.
HE COLLAPSED WHILE EXERCISING. There you have it.
You can apologize now for jumping into conclusions and being so mean.
Will you also delete this comment???
Details are still vague, but NYT reports he collapsed after exercising:
http://www.nytimes.com/2015/05/05/technology/dave-goldberg-cause-of-death.html?smid=fb-nytimes&smtyp=cur&bicmp=AD&bicmlukp=WT.mc_id&bicmst=1409232722000&bicmet=1419773522000
Fortune magazine is claiming “he collapsed while exercising in Mexico”.
Apparently their 2 children are about 8 and 10 so would be in school in May. It is seems too early for the school year to be over so “family vacation” means what?
Yep – you nailed it. Suicide by exercise on vacation. Asinine post.
http://recode.net/2015/05/04/david-goldberg-died-in-mexico-exercising-during-vacation/
http://www.nytimes.com/2015/05/05/technology/dave-goldberg-cause-of-death.html?smid=tw-share
Horrible, opportunistic article this one. Penelope should be ashamed.
Yes, the New York Times reports that Mr. Goldberg died after exercising: http://www.nytimes.com/2015/05/05/technology/dave-goldberg-cause-of-death.html?hpw&rref=technology&action=click&pgtype=Homepage&module=well-region®ion=bottom-well&WT.nav=bottom-well&_r=0
So, will you be issuing an apology now that the family has disclosed he collapsed while exercising? Or do you suspect, in all your infinite wisdom, that he was exercising frenetically in an effort to kill himself to escape the demands of Leaning In? Maybe your next column can be about how Leaning In causes heart disease.
Yes, I’m disgusted.
Penelope,
I caught wind of your article via Brietbart.
About 2 months ago Megyn Kelly at Foxnews hosted Sheryl Sandberg on her show. It was a disgusting and creepy love fest in my opinion. I recall the tone of the interview. I had to stop watching it. I sent an email to Megyn Kelly and chastised her for enabling a weird POV w.r.t. the relationship between men and women who are married as reputedly outlined in Sandberg’s book.
I openly speculated that I would not be surprised that, now that Sandberg has publicly castrated her husband, he would commit suicide. I also speculated that Megyn Kelly’s husband would as well.
Marriage is not about power.
I think you are correct in speculating about suicide. I was waiting for it. Living with that nutcase must have been a living hell.
I hope that, if you are married, you understand the roll of a man with the marriage. He is not your doormat. He has gifts that are likely quite different than yours.
I don’t now anything about you. This is the first I have read your opinion.
Best Regards.
He collapsed in the gym. How do you feel right now? You are truly disgusting. And you owe Sheryl Sandberg a public apology. Although an apology from such a worthless human being is not worth much.
Penelope, you dumb bitch. He died while exercising. Even if you thought it was suicide, before saying so and speculating publicly, check your facts. What does your blog serve to do this? You look like an insensitive asshole. Hope you lose someone.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3067543/Sheryl-Sandberg-s-husband-Dave-Goldberg-died-exercising-gym-private-resort-Mexico.html
Thank you, Penelope. I appreciate your courage and your insight. Thank you for holding to a single standard. Illegitimi non carborundum.
Sandburg set the standard here. In support of “Lean In,” she put her husband and her marriage in the spotlight. That standard doesn’t change just because things haven’t played out according to script. To the contrary, because of the widespread publicity and influence of “Lean In,” it is important to know if some of the fundamental assumptions supporting Sandberg’s theories are flawed. Are my children being encouraged to pursue a model for successful living that wasn’t even successful for the founder of the movement? I want to know.
Most people are sheep. The sheep don’t care about fundamentally flawed assumptions. Thank you for helping those of us trying to escape the incurious and unquestioning herd.
It was an accidental drug overdose
I’m a fan of your work, Penelope, and love that you speak your mind and push boundaries. And, I understand that you want your readers to look at Leaning In differently, but to use this as your argument is completely classless.
Even if their marriage dynamic and Leaning In had something to do with his death, usually it is a mixture of issues and the culmination of several things that leads to suicide and it is not an intelligent argument to allude to Leaning In as the main culprit. Also, if it was suicide, we’re smart enough to make these kinds of connections on our own. Do you really want to be the one to point it out first? Is this what you want to be known for? The first paragraph of your post does nothing to take away from the harshness of your words. It just just shows you know exactly how cruel your inference is, yet continued to make it.
You are a fairly well known woman blogger and entrepreneur and there’s a good chance Sheryl will hear about this at some point. The fact that you may have added even a fraction of pain on top of what she’s already feeling, speaks to your character. I for one, will no longer be reading.
If it was a death by suicide there are standard ways for the Media to cover it. Sadly more people die every year in the US by suicide (which is treatable and preventable) than car accidents or suicide.
It is the end result of untreated depression or in the case of younger people often just a bad choice in the moment. We see over 480,000 ER visits a year for near suicides and the impact on both the person and their family is huge
Let me take the high road Ms. Trunk, since you clearly occupy the low one. Whatever the cause of Mr. Goldberg’s death, is for Ms. Sandberg and her family to disclose if and when they decide to do so. I wonder, if you have taken a moment to think about the impact of your article on Ms. Sandberg and Mr. Goldberg’s children? Your article reads more like it’s been marinated in venom, jealousy and vindictiveness rather than in sympathy and compassion. How very sad for Mr. Goldberg’s family to have lost him at the young age of 47. The comments left on line about his character, kindness and selflessness are something you should spend time reading. In fact, Ms. Trunk, perhaps you should take notes on who he was as a person when he was alive, rather, than digging through the wreckage to find something to write about. As for the other comments written about Ms. Sandberg, it is most disappointing that they come from other women. She is driven and has achieved a great deal in her young life and I applaud her achievements. She is a wonderful role model to countless young women. She has a right to her views and the fact that she should be maligned and criticized, especially at this time, is really quite sad and disappointing.
According to Fortune…
“The specific cause isn’t yet known, but he collapsed while exercising, his family says.
The sad state of the media being what it is, some nasty rumors whipped around over the weekend regarding the cause of Dave Goldberg’s tragic death. That fire has been fueled by his family not yet having released a specific cause. The reason for the delay, say sources close to Goldberg’s family, including his wife, Sheryl Sandberg, is that they don’t yet know.
“Dave Goldberg was on vacation with family and friends in Mexico,” these sources said in a statement Monday morning. “He collapsed while exercising in the gym. Efforts to revive him at the gym and at a local hospital were unsuccessful.”
They said that he collapsed in the gym and could not be revived:
http://www.nytimes.com/2015/05/05/technology/dave-goldberg-cause-of-death.html
This is the most foolish and irresponsible article I have every read. How dare you even speculate about the cause of his death . . . by implication suggesting that his support of his wife must of made him kill himself. Utilizing such a tragedy to support your personal agenda? He died in Mexico on vacation and there are many possible medical reasons The family has the intelligence and the means to pursue the reason for his passing. They deserve the patience of the world while they deal with such a tragic loss.
I don’t get what’s so wrong with speculating over the cause of death of a very high profile person. This is an unusual event that deserves public discussion. Why are you so critical of Penelope for fostering this?
I don’t like Sheryl that much, but it looks like what you have done here is generated a tremendous amount of traffic to your blog by using the frequently searched for words “cause of death” and “Dave Goldberg” How low can you go Penelope???? I do work in the Silicon Valley so looking at your site this is easy to spot. You are making money off another woman’s loss by generating traffic to your site. Very unethical!