Blueprint for a Woman’s Life
When I drive, I have arguments with people in my head. I think of someone who does not realize how smart I am about what I am smart about, and I go on tirades to show them how misguided they are.
And I realized one day, while I had a particularly long car ride, that I am actually feeling like I know what women should be doing with their adult life.
Most people would be too humble to say this. But I’m the woman who, after ten years in the workforce, built a career on telling people how to manage their career. So, it makes sense that after getting to age 45 I am ready to tell all women how to live their adult life.
To be clear, I have made lots of mistakes. But I like to think I would not have made those mistakes if I had had a blueprint for adult life like the one I’m giving you, right here. The blueprint starts at age 18 and goes to 45.
1. Do less homework.
Women do better in school than men, but school is not a harbinger of doing well in life. Other stuff is. Other stuff that men do all the time. For example, involvement in sports is a foreshadow of a great career. And video games are, too, because they are both collaborative and competitive–two essential skills. So do stuff guys do, and get grades that are as bad as theirs–after all, you should not be the hardest worker, ever.
2. Get plastic surgery.
This is the must-have career tool for the workforce of the new millennium. You will earn more money and you will have more opportunities for mentoring. Also, you will have a wider choice of men, which, of course, is another way to earn more money.
3. Go to business school right out of the gate.
Everyone has always wanted to go to business school right after college, but good MBA programs didn’t allow it. Now there is an unwritten rule that women can get in earlier because it’s so clear that women who want to have kids don’t really benefit from going to an MBA program later. If you get your MBA early, you accomplish a few key things. Not only do you set yourself up for skipping entry-level jobs, but you also make re-entry after kids an easier process because you have higher level experience before you leave.
On top of that, you are more likely to marry well. Men like women who are smart but not making more than they are. (I do not have a link for this. I have instinct.) Business school is a way to show you are smart, but you don’t make any money in business school. Side benefit: You will be surrounded by men equally as smart as you are but a little older, which is a good hunting ground. (Note: I still think business school is stupid if you are using it to actually become qualified to do something.)
4. Start early looking for a husband seriously.
If you want to have kids, you should aim to be done by the time you are 35, when your eggs start going bad fast. This means you need to get started when you are 30, which means you need to get the guy you want to have kids with by the time you’re 28. People who marry too early are very likely to get divorced. But by age 25, you are safe from those statistical trends. So why not marry early? In any case, start looking very seriously for a husband by the time you are 24. Here is a blog post that summarizes this argument and links to the research to back it up.
5. Milk maternity leave for all it’s worth.
Maternity leave is a complicated political issue, but whatever: For now, it’s your right, so just take what’s yours. Use all your maternity leave, and then make it very difficult to fire you when you return. Start a year before you want to get pregnant, by getting a job at a company that legally must give you maternity leave. I’m not saying you HAVE to take maternity leave, but if you don’t have any, you can’t decide to take it. Position yourself at that company in a job you can do with your eyes closed, in case you want to go back after maternity leave and work. Because if you are taking care of a newborn baby and working full-time, you’ll be doing everything with your eyes closed.
There is an incredible amount of research to show that there should be a single, primary caregiver for the first year. I know that’s not good for feminism. But none of this post is. So look, unless your husband is taking a year off, you’re better off spending most of your time on your kid and not your job. The way to do that is to take all the maternity leave you can and then keep pushing for people to let you keep your job even if you’re not really doing it. Make them fire you. It’ll take their legal department a long time to give permission for that, and you can be collecting a paycheck the whole time. The extra cash can fund the rest of your transition.
6. Guard your marriage obsessively.
Educated women divorce at less than a quarter of the rate of everyone else. Divorce is not socially acceptable for most women reading this blog. We have decades of great data (read Judith Wallerstein) to show that divorce permanently ruins the kids. Yes, it’s true, divorce makes life better for the parents. But kids don’t care. They don’t notice. Kids notice if two parents are paying attention to them, and that is one of the first things to go in a divorce. If you love your kids, you stay married to their parent.
This means that the wife needs to just bite the bullet and maintain the marriage. Stay-at-home spouses keep marriages together more effectively . I know: this is not popular, and not fair, but you do not need to make a crusade out of your family by showing that you can get a divorce and not fuck up your kids. So just bite the bullet and make sure you are keeping your husband happy so your kids can grow up with two parents.
7. Practice austerity.
Austerity is not fun. But you can call it something trendy, like minimalism or slow food.Your ability to manage your life will be nil if you are ruled by financial problems. So that means no big house, no expensive car, no huge vacations. You need control over your life more than you need that stuff. You have more career flexibility, more time flexibility, and more personal flexibility if you can keep your expenses way below what you earn. In this scenario, you do not have to fight with your husband about money. (You can fight about sex and in-laws, which are the other two of the three most popular fight topics.) Also, you can stay home with kids if you want to. And if you don’t want to, you can just be you and admit it. Don’t say you are not with your kids all day because you need the money. That would be a lie.
8. Do a startup with a guy.
Having your own company will give you tons of control over your life. It’s nice to have a funded company because then the investors are taking the financial risk and you are drawing a nice salary even when you are not really earning any revenue. The problem is that VC funded startups require 100+ hour weeks, every week. You should only do one of these types of companies with a guy.
Smart women in their 20s are looking for husbands and cannot be 100% focused on some pie-in-the-sky startup. Women in their 30s are having kids and trying to figure out how to work less. Men are more easily focused solely on work. That’s why there is a salary gap between men and women: Because women focus on work and family, and men focus only on work. Don’t judge. Just get a male business partner. The problem is that men don’t like doing startups with women—it’s bad for them. But still, you can try.
9. If you can’t get men to do a startup with you, do a lifestyle business.
A lifestyle business is one where the revenue is yours to keep. This is good since you will need to earn money, but it’s a little more risky for you personally than a startup because you’re not in it with deep-pocketed investors. Still, a lifestyle business is attractive enough to a woman with kids and a hankering for something interesting in the business world. Also, given the choice between no work, full-time work, or part-time work, Pew Research reports that 80% of women with children would choose part-time work. And we all know that the part-time work opportunities in corporate America suck. So a lifestyle business is the best path to that goal.
10. Homeschool. Your kids will be screwed if you don’t.
The world will not look kindly on people who put their kids into public school. We all know that learning is best when it’s customized to the child and we all know that public schools are not able to do that effectively. And the truly game-changing private schools cost $40,000 a year.
It’s clear is that homeschooled kids will rule the world when Generation Z enters the workplace. So figure out a way to alleviate mommy guilt by homeschooling your kids to get them on that path. You don’t have to do the teaching yourself. You can pay someone. But you need to get your kids out of a system that everyone knows does not work. (Note: I just realized this. This month. And last week, I decided: I’m taking my kids out of school.)
11. Spend money on household help and Botox to keep more doors open longer.
Look, it’s really hard to be a parent and still have an interesting life. Not for men. We have seen enough of feminism to be certain that men are not derailed personally by kids. (In fact, Catalyst reports that having kids increases a man’s earning power. Probably because he is then more likely to have a wife at home inadvertently performing the role of pseudo personal secretary. ) So the more money to spend to get people to help you with your kids, the more time and energy you’ll have to help yourself.
Also, as women age they become more invisible. I know, this is not nice to say. And we are told it’s only true in Hollywood. But since when has something that catches on in Hollywood not been relevant to the rest of us? Even pre-nups went mainstream. So the longer you can look younger than 45 the longer runway time you will have to figure out how to raise kids, hold a marriage together and still keep things vibrant and interesting intellectually. It’s no small feat, but Botox and Restylane will be your best teammates in this part of the adventure.
12. Break the mold in your 40s.
Women get more unhappy as they age. So you can say you don’t like the advice I’m giving. But look, in order to change the trajectory of women’s happiness, we are going to have to drastically change the advice we give to women about how to run their lives. Most of the news about women in their 40s is pretty bad, to be honest. But the good news is that you can change that, by living differently in your 20s and 30s than women did before you. And, if you are in your 40s and reading this, take solace in the fact that by the time women are in their 40s they are great in bed, so if you do nothing else, figure out how to have a lot of sex to leverage your hard-earned talent
This is disgusting and I really hope it’s a joke.
I love that this post completely assumes that all women are heterosexual and want to have kids. It also assumes that the only purpose in life for a woman is to marry and breed.
The assumption that only a woman should be working on holding a marriage together is disgusting, as is the implication that this will be beneficial for the children. If 2 people hate each other and are miserable in their marriage, they will not be putting that so called important attention onto the children as you say is so required, instead the child will grow up with only a hateful representation of adult relationships as their model for their own future interactions.
No but seriously, thanks for throwing us all back into the 1950s and enforcing an ideal that the only thing women are good for is looking pretty and serving a man. The fact that its other women espousing these dated and offensive ideals is just plain saddening.
I disagree, for several reasons.
First, this advice is for women who want to have children and a partner some day, whether heterosexual or not. And for that (large) segment of the population, I’d say it’s spot on.
Second, Penelope’s advice is realistic, whereas many women in their early 20s are not. The truth is that many of them will change their tune by the time they hit 30 and realize that they really want a family but have no partner with whom to create one. Penelope’s advice is kind of like saving for retirement; you don’t know what exactly you’ll want when you’re in your 60s, but you’d like to have the financial security to make that decision when you get there.
Third, your implicit assumption that a woman should NOT be working on holding a marriage (whether with a man or a woman) together is, in my opinion, disgusting. Fact: people are more happy when they are in committed relationships. Fact: committed relationships only work when the two people in the relationship prioritize it. Moreover, by following this advice and looking for a marriage partner early, a woman can ensure that she makes a reasoned decision and doesn’t end up hating her partner, thus eliminating your hypothetical scenario of two people hating each other and being miserable in their marriage.
Finally, this is by no means a 1950s scenario. This is empowerment. This is a woman taking control over the direction of her life and setting herself up so that SHE can be happy, not because society tells her to do so or because she has no other alternatives, but because she is realistic and realizes that at some point she will want to have financial stability, a family, and a career, and this is the best way to balance those to things.
PHEW! Now, excuse me while I step off my soapbox.
Unbelievable! Sad!
Now.
If I am miserable, unhappy and frustrated with every minute of my life how will I be able to raise a happy, confident child? If I have absolutely no smile in me how will I be able to smile at my child? If I am unhappy how will I be able to bring happyness in my child’s life?
Staying married for the sake of a child is not always the best solution. I grew up with my mother being degraded almost every single day of my life. For years I wished she would just leave him and get a divorce. I would have rather seen her smile every day and go back and forth between my parents than having them both around destroying and ripping each other apart. From my experience I learned that enough is enough. Besides, how can I teach my child to have self-respect when he/she grows up watching me being a broken woman without the strength to stand up and say: enough???
Further, as Sarah said, I am a woman. Not born to merely breed and cater to a man but born to live a life of all of the above.
I will refuse to inject botox merely to please a man. If one man doesn’t respect my wrinkles which surely didn’t appear from papmering myself all day, hey, another one will!
If I! chose to do so then it is for MY pleasure.
Point 10.
There are many public schools that will enable a child a good education. There are pros and cons in every system. Indeed, homeschooling will enable close monitoring, however, a child will not have the chance to to develop social skills. I think a parent needs to spend some time looking for good schools and have in depth conversations with the teacher that will be teaching their child. Clearly: if the teacher says – even one time – “he/she don’t” – that person should not be teaching your child.
Hollywood .. really? So that’s what we should compare our standards too?? A “world” with, what, about 90% divorce rate, sandals, cheating .. you name it?
Fortunately, we woman still have a choice: A Toy or Toymaker.
Unbelievable! Sad!
Now.
If I am miserable, unhappy and frustrated with every minute of my life how will I be able to raise a happy, confident child? If I have absolutely no smile in me how will I be able to smile at my child? If I am unhappy how will I be able to bring happyness in my child’s life?
Staying married for the sake of a child is not always the best solution. I grew up with my mother being degraded almost every single day of my life. For years I wished she would just leave him and get a divorce. I would have rather seen her smile every day and go back and forth between my parents than having them both around destroying and ripping each other apart. From my experience I learned that enough is enough. Besides, how can I teach my child to have self-respect when he/she grows up watching me being a broken woman without the strength to stand up and say: enough???
Further, as Sarah said, I am a woman. Not born to merely breed and cater to a man but born to live a life of all of the above.
I will refuse to inject botox merely to please a man. If one man doesn’t respect my wrinkles which surely didn’t appear from papmering myself all day, hey, another one will!
If I! chose to do so then it is for MY pleasure.
Point 10.
There are many public schools that will enable a child a good education. There are pros and cons in every system. Indeed, homeschooling will enable close monitoring, however, a child will not have the chance to to develop social skills. I think a parent needs to spend some time looking for good schools and have in depth conversations with the teacher that will be teaching their child. Clearly: if the teacher says – even one time – “he/she don’t” – that person should not be teaching your child.
Hollywood .. really? So that’s what we should compare our standards too?? A “world” with, what, about 90% divorce rate, sandals, cheating .. you name it?
Fortunately, we woman still have a choice: A Toy or Toymaker.
As a women I was pretty offended by most of your advice.
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you pretty much only give advice tailored to your exact experience.. not all women want kids. Not all women want to do startups. Not all women want a “lifestyle job” or MBA. Your advice occasionally lacks objective insight and this is one example of them. I really like you & your posts, but at giving objective advice and seeing things from all angles.. you really have to improve on that. Getting Botox will not give you happiness, if you have a husband that loves you & are already happy with kids. Most women can’t even afford botox when they have kids to raise, and vacations to plan. Insecurity is what drives the plastic surgery business, so this advice would be better tailored to insecure women in their 40s, not successful, confident ones.
Second, homeschool your children is bad advice. There’s ample data to show the value of creating social networks early (i.e. Freakonomics – book you really should read), and it’s important for developing a child’s social skills which are INVALUABLE skills for later life. Also a parent won’t necessarily have the best grasp of each subject area to teach their child – that’s why teachers went to teacher’s college – they know how to teach to children in that age group, what books they should be reading, how to encourage social and athletic activities that will help them learn and have fun.. and also, if they want to attend a better high school, higher-ranked schools and universities will not look on home school so favourably, when your parents or a friend may be grading you. It’s not objective. You can’t compare against 30 other kids to know how your child stands.
I post this because I think constructive criticism may help, and I hope you do read this and appreciate.
Please, my friend, look up the research on home schooling. And talk to admissions counselors at any college or university, including Ivy League. You might be surprised what you find.
Seriously, I think you need to stop blogging. You’re just not good, sorry.
As a woman who did want kids and is now married with 2 of them, there is a lot of sense in what she says. I read this more as, “Wouldn’t it be nice if life could work out this way?” If you do want to have a career and kids or even start your own business, as a woman, in order to truly balance all of these pieces, it will be easier on you if you start earlier, have more education and marry well, so that you have a little extra cushion and some extra support. That advice really goes for anyone. I’m not saying that you should only get married because the guy or woman is a good catch. But you can’t say that life wouldn’t be easier if you marry someone who makes some dough–because it will be easier. Life is generally easier with more money. I do sometimes find myself a little jealous of friends who got to have their kids a little earlier…who met Mr. Right a little earlier…who have more choices and flexibility because their spouse or SO makes a bit more. I’m the breadwinner, which is fine, but I married someone without a college degree in a blue collar job. I do love him, so that doesn’t bother me. But it does put more strain on us and on our marriage. But then, who is to say that if I’d married someone with a better job and more money that he wouldn’t be an abusive prick? That would not be a good tradeoff. I think that each of these statements in a vacuum makes sense–but in real life, you’re not necessarily going to plan your life around this entire blog. I would hope not, anyway.
What a refreshing blog! Didn’t know you existed. Will read on…………..
OH MY..You are somewhat in my brain, I really really like you, plus I am 25 :)
I find it really weird that people are taking this seriously. Can’t they see it’s satire?
I find it really weird that people are taking this seriously. Can’t they see it’s satire?
This is pretty ridiculous. Is it a commentary? Is it a rant? Was this written by a real-life barbie doll? At first pass I read everything as if it was in the negative, like an article written on opposite-day, and it makes far more sense when read that way.
Love it! This is not politically correct advice but…it is right on point. Actually, it describes my life almost exactly and as I look back, I’m glad I made the decisions I made. I now work part-time or full-time (whichever works for me at the time) and have precious time to spend with my husband and my children. I can’t say the same for the women I know who have killed themselves to get to the top just to find out they don’t want to be at the top because they have way too much to do at home and they can’t leave the top because there is nowhere to land gracefully. I also can’t say the same for women I know who opted out of furthering their education. You will never make better decisions than getting an eduction, finding a job that you do better than anyone else, doing that job so well that you can sail through at least some days without tremendous effort (when you are exhausted) and building your career reputation doing that job before having children (so you employer will much more likely to accomodate your needs).
This post should be read as ironic. It’s the only way this chauvinistic, self loathing perspective is helpful.
this is a joke, right?
Ugh, I can’t believe you had the audacity to write this.
Ugh, I can’t believe you had the audacity to write this.
No way – this is terrible.
Our life was soo good when my parents finally divorced, I found out my mom was doing just that, sucking it up. Well, we all found out that this split should have happened ages ago. We get along so much better now.
My blueprint does not involve a male.
I did career and kids at the same time (teen mama, no “dad” here :) ) We are financially set AND get to travel and do whatever we want.
I teach my babies to NEVER do something they don’t want to do.
Wow. This may be the saddest thing I’ve read all month.
This is by far the stupidest article I have ever seen. This is not the “new” feminism. I sincerely hope you’ve never been a life coach.
This is beyond awful.
While I would agree this is pragmatic advice… I couldn’t agree to most of it as good advice or as a blueprint.
A great deal of it is insulting to women and men–from your recommendation to milk men for income and sperm to selling sexuality for a better career. These may be harsh realities, but they are realities feminists have been fighting for decades. I think we can do better; much better.
The trick to getting better equality between men and women is loosen up on the gender=role equation, not tighten it. We need to recognize that women can and should be breadwinners while their partners stay at home to raise well-educated and prepared children. Conveniently this works for a wide variety of relationships. Play the role you want, not the role you were born in to and don’t buy in to this sell-out/put-out mentality.
Just on the outset, I have a double degree in Education and Early Childhood Education which encompases brain development, counselling, family therapy, and all those good human focused sciences, including how to mesh them together into education.
I work with broken families, together families, and all of the fall out (good or bad) with these families, as will as the poor people, and the rich people. I have over ten years of intenstive experience working with a wide variety of families and cultures.
I wish to dispute the comment of staying married “for the sake of the children” is NOT an excuse. It is incredibly selfish and you are not caring for the best interests of your children if you are in an unhappy relationship. If you are unhappy within your partnership/marriage, your children WILL be unhappy. Children DO know.
My example: I looked after a 6 month old child whose parents only fought at night when the child was asleep. The parents were careful to hide it and thought she could not hear them as they argued. She would not sleep. At all. If she did it was for 2-3 hours during the night, and maybe 15 minutes twice a day. Any parent knows that this is not enought. The reason she didn’t sleep was because she innatly knew that parents would fight if she was asleep. So she did her hardest to stay awake. Children know and pick up on signals and vibes that adults do not recognise. They are desgined to do this for their natural survival.
For this child, the fighting lasted for over a year. She had developmental delays due to the lack of sleep, as she did not having the energy to learn. She had poor social skills with other children as she acted in response to the vibes and the atmosphere in her home. She would hit, bite, pinch and pull at other children. She had very poor attachment to her parents due to the unsettled environment her parents tried to keep from her. The child was reffered to psysologists and behaviour therapists as the child did not improve, not matter what everyone tried. Her mother finally shifted out after 18 months of this. The VERY NEXT WEEK the child started sleeping well and within a month, her beahviour improved dramatically. Her mother was happy because they were no longer having to cope with what was going on at home. Her father was happy because he didn’t have to deal with what was going on. The child was happy because she didn’t have to sense every second of her waking and sleeping life that her parents were incredibly unhappy, no matter how much they tried to hide it from her. 5 years later, the child has caught up on her developmental delays, her parents have both remarried and they have worked very very hard, with family counsellors to build a good frienship so that their daughter can have a good relationship with all parents. They have both said to me on different occasions if they’d seperated when they knew it wasn’t working, even if they could have worked it out later on, they would have saved their child so much pain and suffering.
Do not stay in a marriage if you are unhappy. If you are not content, your child will not blossom. Get help, get counselling, try and work it out. But if it’s not working, it will not be working for anyone. Do not stay in your relationship “for the sake of the children”. It’s a weak excuse and you are doing damage to your children’s mental and thereby physcial health.
Dear Penelope,
I’m a male, age 50, and unemployed after a 20 year run as a software designer. Being a good Jewish boy I did what my parents required me to do, which was go to to university and study to get a decent trade and find a young lady in the 20 to 24 age range to marry. Would you like to know what happened? I was considered “too boring” by those women, and most would not give me the time of day for a date, and of course the few which did never even went beyond a kiss on the cheek by the end, after which I would never get a call back. I actually did not marry until my 40th birthday, when I finally had a career stable enough to support a family and child. Three years after I married to a 31 year old lady, I got laid off. My wife had to support us as a school teacher while I had to become a SAHD. I’m bored to tears being stuck in the house, to the point of being suicidal, I don’t have the funds to retrain to a new profession, and I think my wife pities me for being jobless, basically orders me around in a reversed role relationship.
So you know what? Being a man in your scenario requires constant success as an alpha male 24-7 because woe betide the poor shmuck who gets downsized and has to wide up with a bitch like you.
You are having a laugh, aren’t you? There’s a guy with a hidden video camera taping me as I read your misguided word-vomit, and any second now someone’s going to leap out and yell “SURPRISE! You’re on Candid Camera!”
This is horrendous and any woman who believes that this is a new time of feminism is sadly, sadly deluded.
What this post basically distills into is husband hunting is how you should be enjoying your 20’s and husband keeping is how you should be spending the rest of your life.
If her marriage requires botox, guarding ‘obsessively’ and her earning less money than her husband and being miserable in her 40s then she is the last person who should be giving advice.
I know a lot of woman in and out of marriage, with kids or not, with jobs and without and they’re having a good time, so enough with the doom and gloom.
My husband sent me the link to this page. He thought I would get a good laugh out of it. He’s right. This is hilariously pathetic. Especially the end notes, ” But look, in order to change the trajectory of women’s happiness, we are going to have to drastically change the advice we give to women about how to run their lives. ” How exactly is this advice different from the propaganda that ruled my mother’s era? Find a husband early, that’s a new one. Stay at home with the kids, never heard that before. Invest in plastic surgery, take advantage of the system, stand by your husband even if you’re miserable, rely on men wherever possible. This really is hilarious, I haven’t laughed so hard in a long time. Good luck homeschooling your kids, though I must say, you might actually bother to read a feminist manifesto before you attempt to teach your children what it is to be a feminist. Start with Donna Haraway and work your way out from there. (For the record, I am an educated feminist, also a successful engineer, also happily married to a very wealthy doctor, also smoking hot. My advice? Don’t sell yourself as something you’re not.)
Are you insane or just illiterate? With advice like “4. Start early looking for a husband seriously.” you should skip business school and go back to grammar school. Or maybe just brush up on that botox, since that seems to be working for you. You want some advice that is hard to hear? I’m glad you weren’t my mother OR my teacher…Alice Paul is rolling over in her grave right now. Yuck.
Hi Penelope, great post. Wish I had read it when I was still on time. I am now 46 and did not follow most of your points. I do wish I had. Could you write some blueprints for women in their (late) forties when they disregarded to do what you suggest they should do at 20 ? How can we fix things ?
Um, Penelope?
The 1950’s called. They want their ideas back.
Men who have children earn more because the motivation to provide is more acute. I don’t think it’s because they have a pseudo-secretary.
This is great blog. Great to find this. Thank you for your candor.
This is the worst blog I have ever read and I think your “blueprint” is a recipe for self-hatred for any person male or female. I would be one of those people that would say to YOU – YOU are the one misguided. I feel sorry for you at your age and as a woman that this is what you wheedled out of life’s wisdom. I hope you don’t have a daughter bc she most likely will be pretty messed up in life. WOW. You just don’t get it – pinning your happiness on ephemeral material success, finding a husband, taking the burden of the success of your marriage all by yourself. Thinking plastic surgery and Botox will hide the fact you’re a sad miserable person inside. If a ride home in the car is spent rehashing or formulating answers to the wrongminded – try spending 9 days of meditation – you will probably want to kill yourself. Seriously? Have a beer and calm down.
I don’t agree with what this woman wrote, why does she think she has any say in how other women live their lives? And what makes her think all women want a husband and kids?. It doesn’t matter how old a person gets be it man or a woman, there will always be a person of the opposite gender who is looking for someone just like him/ her, since when do you see all men marrying much younger or women who make less money than them? Most adults date people on their level either just above or just below us it doesn’t matter. Also unless a woman has kids at young teenage which is not good obviously, then she will be considerably older when her kids are grown up and it’s very hard for a woman to get back or start her career at late 30s to early 50s if not near impossible. So I think it’s better fir a woman to focus on her career until at least late 20s and working and dating to see if she meets the right man in that time if she doesn’t never mind. If a woman misses her opportunity to have kids then it’s sad and yes she should have tried to have them in her younger years but then again it’s far more easier for a 40 year old woman to adopt a couple of kids than it is for her to start a career after having children or starting a full time career with little ones.
I have trouble believing that the wife should just “bite the bullet and maintain the marriage” because the kids would be better off if the relationship is emotionally and verbally abusive.
Sometimes divorce is better.
I just couldn’t let this go without comment.
http://meantforsomethingbetter.com/2012/02/17/response-to-bad-advice/
Penelope, you are rediculous. This blogger is far more in tune with the real world.
http://meantforsomethingbetter.com/2012/02/17/response-to-bad-advice/
Great blogging, I’m inspired and recommending this post on my facebook page for sure. Thanks.
this is a joke, right? a fake article? a ploy at more hits?
Yes, exactly. While reading this, I kept waiting for the part that said it was all a joke. Sadly, that reveal never came along.
Penelope obviously was weaned on the Capitalist Kool-Aid, and thinks the rest of us want to live the same shallow, calculating cut-throat hollow middle-class striving tool life she does.
May God have mercy on her, and on us all. There is so much more to life than finding a man and raising nice middle-class children in a “good” suburb.
Thank you for posting this. You are 100% correct. It is a reality check for all us single ladies.
I really liked this post, partially because it reinforces my impending marriage plans. However, I don’t know about the plastic surgery idea. I think it’s important to look good, but not get carried away. There is nothing more pathetic than an older woman with obvious plastic surgery who is making up for not having anything but her looks. Everyone would prefer a woman with a few wrinkles but a pleasant personality to a vain freak.
I suppose there are women who have plastic surgery that is subtle. But the problem is there are so many that go overboard and they don’t seem to know when it is getting ridiculous.
I don’t mean to be rude, but… no. Just no.
This post seems to be almost entirely based on the assumption that all its readers are like the author. I prefer to focus on my children than committing my time exclusively to work, therefore ALL WOMEN must be the same – and, conversely, no men, because men only act in a way that sets them up as binary opposites to women, right?
By all means conduct yourself in this manner if it works for you. But don’t go shoving it down the throats of half the earth’s population. Some of us don’t want to devote our entire lives to maintaining some 1950s ideal involving a husband and children. Some of us don’t even WANT a husband or children. And one final point – my parents separated when I was young, and you know what, it was a damn sight better than living in a household that broke into explosive arguments at least once a week.
I stumbled across this post and couldnt believe what I was reading!!! The audacity of the writer to believe that her narrow life experience could form the basis for giving such universal advice to half the population!! While initially compelled to offer a challenging commentary I have instead decided to focus my energies on starting my own blog where i will endeavour to offer a more broader and open reflection on life as a middle aged woman….thanks for the inspiration!! Stay tuned!!
Wow. Reading this, I’m so very happy to be a lesbian. And glad PT isn’t .
Some realistic rules for every woman…
1. Ask a parent for a vibrator while in your early teens. Use it, A LOT. If you can’t get a vibrator, take care of yourself without one, frequently. This will a.Give some vent to raging hormones b.Teach yourself how to enjoy your body early (and a future partner, later) c.Hopefully avoid a teenage pregnancy whilst getting a great cardiovascular workout at the same time.
2. Read science fiction. It’s awesome.
3. Abstain from smoking, alcohol, recreational drugs, and makeup. See an allergist & find out what to eat & what to avoid. Your body will thank you.
4. Read lots and lots of non fiction.
5. Decide for yourself whether or not to have kids.
6. Avoid high heels. Yes, I sound like an “ugly feminist” but it’s coming from someone who’s never had corns, bunions, hammertoes, related back or leg-surguries, vericose veins, and makes black Doc Martens look damn awesome with an Ann Taylor pantsuit.
7. Never stop using a vibrator. Keep your goody drawer well stocked, whether you have a partner or not.
8.Never stop learning. Curiosity is unbelivably sexy.
9. Never stop playing with stuff. Staying creative and odd is where it’s at.
Immensely grateful Penelope, if anyone is thinking about having a coaching session with Ms Trunk and is hesitating, don’t. Just do it. It will change your life…
God, this is uninspiring! That is all that I am going to say. I guess, this is suppose to be realistic ( and there was few things that were common sense and somehow could be helpful) but It is a bot of a depressing read for sure, so NO thank you!
Wow, I really loved your “Don’t do what you love post” and began to explore your blog. I was pretty excited about it… until I read this post. It is hard for me to believe that it was written by the same person! How does saying “relationships make your life great, not jobs” work with getting plastic surgery and marrying for money in order to climb the corporate ladder? Also, botox and plastic surgery are in no way practicing austerity. I’m so confused! In all honesty, this is some of the worst advice I have ever read. These steps might make you successful, but they will NOT make you happy.
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