Blueprint for a Woman’s Life
When I drive, I have arguments with people in my head. I think of someone who does not realize how smart I am about what I am smart about, and I go on tirades to show them how misguided they are.
And I realized one day, while I had a particularly long car ride, that I am actually feeling like I know what women should be doing with their adult life.
Most people would be too humble to say this. But I’m the woman who, after ten years in the workforce, built a career on telling people how to manage their career. So, it makes sense that after getting to age 45 I am ready to tell all women how to live their adult life.
To be clear, I have made lots of mistakes. But I like to think I would not have made those mistakes if I had had a blueprint for adult life like the one I’m giving you, right here. The blueprint starts at age 18 and goes to 45.
1. Do less homework.
Women do better in school than men, but school is not a harbinger of doing well in life. Other stuff is. Other stuff that men do all the time. For example, involvement in sports is a foreshadow of a great career. And video games are, too, because they are both collaborative and competitive–two essential skills. So do stuff guys do, and get grades that are as bad as theirs–after all, you should not be the hardest worker, ever.
2. Get plastic surgery.
This is the must-have career tool for the workforce of the new millennium. You will earn more money and you will have more opportunities for mentoring. Also, you will have a wider choice of men, which, of course, is another way to earn more money.
3. Go to business school right out of the gate.
Everyone has always wanted to go to business school right after college, but good MBA programs didn’t allow it. Now there is an unwritten rule that women can get in earlier because it’s so clear that women who want to have kids don’t really benefit from going to an MBA program later. If you get your MBA early, you accomplish a few key things. Not only do you set yourself up for skipping entry-level jobs, but you also make re-entry after kids an easier process because you have higher level experience before you leave.
On top of that, you are more likely to marry well. Men like women who are smart but not making more than they are. (I do not have a link for this. I have instinct.) Business school is a way to show you are smart, but you don’t make any money in business school. Side benefit: You will be surrounded by men equally as smart as you are but a little older, which is a good hunting ground. (Note: I still think business school is stupid if you are using it to actually become qualified to do something.)
4. Start early looking for a husband seriously.
If you want to have kids, you should aim to be done by the time you are 35, when your eggs start going bad fast. This means you need to get started when you are 30, which means you need to get the guy you want to have kids with by the time you’re 28. People who marry too early are very likely to get divorced. But by age 25, you are safe from those statistical trends. So why not marry early? In any case, start looking very seriously for a husband by the time you are 24. Here is a blog post that summarizes this argument and links to the research to back it up.
5. Milk maternity leave for all it’s worth.
Maternity leave is a complicated political issue, but whatever: For now, it’s your right, so just take what’s yours. Use all your maternity leave, and then make it very difficult to fire you when you return. Start a year before you want to get pregnant, by getting a job at a company that legally must give you maternity leave. I’m not saying you HAVE to take maternity leave, but if you don’t have any, you can’t decide to take it. Position yourself at that company in a job you can do with your eyes closed, in case you want to go back after maternity leave and work. Because if you are taking care of a newborn baby and working full-time, you’ll be doing everything with your eyes closed.
There is an incredible amount of research to show that there should be a single, primary caregiver for the first year. I know that’s not good for feminism. But none of this post is. So look, unless your husband is taking a year off, you’re better off spending most of your time on your kid and not your job. The way to do that is to take all the maternity leave you can and then keep pushing for people to let you keep your job even if you’re not really doing it. Make them fire you. It’ll take their legal department a long time to give permission for that, and you can be collecting a paycheck the whole time. The extra cash can fund the rest of your transition.
6. Guard your marriage obsessively.
Educated women divorce at less than a quarter of the rate of everyone else. Divorce is not socially acceptable for most women reading this blog. We have decades of great data (read Judith Wallerstein) to show that divorce permanently ruins the kids. Yes, it’s true, divorce makes life better for the parents. But kids don’t care. They don’t notice. Kids notice if two parents are paying attention to them, and that is one of the first things to go in a divorce. If you love your kids, you stay married to their parent.
This means that the wife needs to just bite the bullet and maintain the marriage. Stay-at-home spouses keep marriages together more effectively . I know: this is not popular, and not fair, but you do not need to make a crusade out of your family by showing that you can get a divorce and not fuck up your kids. So just bite the bullet and make sure you are keeping your husband happy so your kids can grow up with two parents.
7. Practice austerity.
Austerity is not fun. But you can call it something trendy, like minimalism or slow food.Your ability to manage your life will be nil if you are ruled by financial problems. So that means no big house, no expensive car, no huge vacations. You need control over your life more than you need that stuff. You have more career flexibility, more time flexibility, and more personal flexibility if you can keep your expenses way below what you earn. In this scenario, you do not have to fight with your husband about money. (You can fight about sex and in-laws, which are the other two of the three most popular fight topics.) Also, you can stay home with kids if you want to. And if you don’t want to, you can just be you and admit it. Don’t say you are not with your kids all day because you need the money. That would be a lie.
8. Do a startup with a guy.
Having your own company will give you tons of control over your life. It’s nice to have a funded company because then the investors are taking the financial risk and you are drawing a nice salary even when you are not really earning any revenue. The problem is that VC funded startups require 100+ hour weeks, every week. You should only do one of these types of companies with a guy.
Smart women in their 20s are looking for husbands and cannot be 100% focused on some pie-in-the-sky startup. Women in their 30s are having kids and trying to figure out how to work less. Men are more easily focused solely on work. That’s why there is a salary gap between men and women: Because women focus on work and family, and men focus only on work. Don’t judge. Just get a male business partner. The problem is that men don’t like doing startups with women—it’s bad for them. But still, you can try.
9. If you can’t get men to do a startup with you, do a lifestyle business.
A lifestyle business is one where the revenue is yours to keep. This is good since you will need to earn money, but it’s a little more risky for you personally than a startup because you’re not in it with deep-pocketed investors. Still, a lifestyle business is attractive enough to a woman with kids and a hankering for something interesting in the business world. Also, given the choice between no work, full-time work, or part-time work, Pew Research reports that 80% of women with children would choose part-time work. And we all know that the part-time work opportunities in corporate America suck. So a lifestyle business is the best path to that goal.
10. Homeschool. Your kids will be screwed if you don’t.
The world will not look kindly on people who put their kids into public school. We all know that learning is best when it’s customized to the child and we all know that public schools are not able to do that effectively. And the truly game-changing private schools cost $40,000 a year.
It’s clear is that homeschooled kids will rule the world when Generation Z enters the workplace. So figure out a way to alleviate mommy guilt by homeschooling your kids to get them on that path. You don’t have to do the teaching yourself. You can pay someone. But you need to get your kids out of a system that everyone knows does not work. (Note: I just realized this. This month. And last week, I decided: I’m taking my kids out of school.)
11. Spend money on household help and Botox to keep more doors open longer.
Look, it’s really hard to be a parent and still have an interesting life. Not for men. We have seen enough of feminism to be certain that men are not derailed personally by kids. (In fact, Catalyst reports that having kids increases a man’s earning power. Probably because he is then more likely to have a wife at home inadvertently performing the role of pseudo personal secretary. ) So the more money to spend to get people to help you with your kids, the more time and energy you’ll have to help yourself.
Also, as women age they become more invisible. I know, this is not nice to say. And we are told it’s only true in Hollywood. But since when has something that catches on in Hollywood not been relevant to the rest of us? Even pre-nups went mainstream. So the longer you can look younger than 45 the longer runway time you will have to figure out how to raise kids, hold a marriage together and still keep things vibrant and interesting intellectually. It’s no small feat, but Botox and Restylane will be your best teammates in this part of the adventure.
12. Break the mold in your 40s.
Women get more unhappy as they age. So you can say you don’t like the advice I’m giving. But look, in order to change the trajectory of women’s happiness, we are going to have to drastically change the advice we give to women about how to run their lives. Most of the news about women in their 40s is pretty bad, to be honest. But the good news is that you can change that, by living differently in your 20s and 30s than women did before you. And, if you are in your 40s and reading this, take solace in the fact that by the time women are in their 40s they are great in bed, so if you do nothing else, figure out how to have a lot of sex to leverage your hard-earned talent
>Really, my jaw dropped when I read the word “dysgenic” in >Wumhenry’s comment. Un-effing-believable.
>
>Posted by LilyFlorida on August 24, 2011 at 8:35 am
>
What euphemism do you prefer?
>>wumhenry says:
“Some high-school dropouts may be quite intelligent, but do you doubt that women with college degrees – and, a fortiori, women with post-grad degrees, who have the lowest average birthrate of all – are *on average* more intelligent than women who don’t finish high school?”
>
>Um – NO! Because a college education doesn’t necessary make you more intelligent in my definition.
>
Well, of course not, but that’s really beside the point.
My concern is based on the following premises, none of which implies anything about the effect of a college education on intelligence.
1) Variation in intelligence among individuals is largely due to genetic variation. This is solidly supported by recent research, not to mention common sense.
2) Women in this country who do not finish high school reproduce at higher-than-replacement level. No one else does, and women with postgrad degrees have the lowest lifetime ferility rate. This is borne out by statistics published in *The Bell Curve*.
3) *On average*, the innate (that is, inborn) intelligence of women who don’t finish high school is considerably less than that of women who earn postgrad degrees
It’s still a free country, and you’re free to believe that the *average* intelligence of female high-school drop-outs is just as high as the average intelligence of women with post-grad degrees. But I doubt that anything close to a majority would agree with an opinion so at odds with plain common sense.
> But I guess it depends on what we call intelligence. Is it being able to recite what was read from a book [?]
>
It has more to do with the ability to comprehend what is written, among other things.
I take the latter – -and know TOO MANY college educated fools (most in upper management) that do not come close to fitting the bill!
Posted by LilyChicago on August 24, 2011 at 1:31 pm
Wow. You are a deluded bitch. I don’t even know what else to say.
I found this – blueprint' not only useless but also misleading advice for women who want to achieve success. As women, the worst thing we can do is strive to get ahead by being like men or bending to societal pressures. Our value comes in our femininity and doing things differently. And there isn't one blueprint for life. There are millions. I have authored a counter post to this”blueprint’ point by point at http://heidiisern.com/redefining-lifes-blueprint-a-counter-to-penelope-trunk/
Hi
I just want to say after reading the blog post I suddenly felt very depressed and lost. I am a 36 year-old communications professional, mother of two small children. I find it so hard to be a modern woman. Is this advice supposed to help? Thanks Penelope, but I don’t think this will be my blueprint.
There are a lot of ways to be a modern woman. Good on you for rejecting this ‘blueprint’!
Finally some real stuff…that also makes sense.
I actually believe this is suitable for a certain type of woman but not for all of us.
I myself am 43 years old. I had my children young and they are full grown. I went to college, have operated my own business since 1996, and have no plans for plastic surgery or Botox. I don’t look my age either. I look 28-29 and am often told this.
I am very much about nutrition and eating healthy organic foods. I don’t smoke or drink, which I believe helps keep you from aging along with drinking lots of water and using lotion to keep your skin soft.
Exercise helps in helping a woman stay youthful. I used to snowmobile, hike, snowboard, mountain climb, bicycle ride. After a car wreck I now do Yoga and I walk. Exercise keeps my body at a healthy size 6 without the need for plastic surgery.
Because I eat healthy and exercise I am not overweight. I weight the same as I did when I was 18, and am happy to wear a size 6.
Point is your blueprint I wouldn’t pass on to my daughter, she has different goals and is more like me. So I’d give her a blueprint of what I’d do different to make a better life.
You know what? It works. She’s in school, lives independently with Epilepsy, is drug and alcohol free. I am also the mother of a Coast Guard serviceman. I think I did okay.
I don’t want the corporate office way of life. I did not want the fast paced city life, the competitive MBA world I wanted a simple life. In fact I love a small town small business life. This is what I choose and know of many women who also choose a simple life.
I feel sorry for you, Penelope, I really do. You can’t possibly be happy with yourself.
Here’s another item you missed on your list: wealth does not translate into happiness or meaningful relationships with other people. That’s a lesson I learned from a botox-induced trophy wife who went to college to get her M.R.S. degree, married rich and then broke her family apart because she never loved the man beneath it all.
And if a woman’s worth is how hot she is and how well she marries, then why are we capable of becoming rocket scientists, world leaders, doctors, CEOs and professors? When we begin to value ourselves and our inherent strengths, maybe men will too and won’t need to get botox and an MBA for them to take an interest.
Man, this post is pretty negative. It seems your main points are about showing women how to jump through a bunch of societal hoops in the name of “having it all”, but in a very cookie cutter sort of way. I.e: get a corp job, marry a richer slightly older man, then drop out and have a cute side business while you homeschool 2.5 kids you pop out by age 35. But I thought the whole point of feminism was to get out of the social pressure whirlwind that is placed on women (and men) so one could have an authentic, personal experience of life? I think instead of your plan I will: write a novel, take a trip around the world, get my MBA when I feel like it, date younger men, eat healthy and avoid the surgery bills, and adopt a third world baby when I turn 48!
Yes I can’t take this post seriously at all. It seems to be written more to generate controversy than to offer sincere suggestions for women. My fear is that some younger women will actually think mapping your life out in this sad way will lead to happiness.
Um.
Where to start?
This is the most insane post I think I may have ever read. Who are these 1,183 people liking this on Facebook?? What is going on?
I wish I didn’t feel so compelled to write this comment. The more hits this bizarre woman gets, the more she’ll feel vindicated, and the more people will see it. It should be buried deep, deep, deep into the ground.
A few things come to mind reading this. Hitler’s final solution, Sarah Palin’s aerial wolf hunting, Saw III or any episode of the “Real Housewives” series. In other words – harrowing. I saw a comment about this article on Women 2.0 and when I read it, my mouth hung open the whole time. I thought it was a joke. I thought it surely must be. Then I saw that you are a popular “guidance counselor”, syndicated and widely read “writer” and I felt nothing short of terror. I’m not using hyperbole here. You have upset my whole morning and challenged my faith in the human race. Makes me want to go run and hug Ann Coulter and say ‘there’s someone worse than you out there.’ This post is disgusting and more than retrograde, it’s the absurd inane wayward advice of a raving self-annihilating lunatic. Unless it’s a joke and then its brilliant for its extreme version of the most vile kind of human being our contemporary society has on offer. What Women Make is the exact opposition to every sentiment uttered here. I have three words to say to you and I mean them with all my heart: Shame on you.
Please don’t hug Anne Coulter.
*Ann
For all of the women freaking out over this post- can you even consider at all that Penelope’s intention and tone is NOT to actually tell women to do this but to point out the absurdity of what the trends say about about us and make us aware of it…and in do doing actually encourage us to do the opposite because of the outrage???
I have been quite amused by the controversy. Lighten up people.
Liane, you are a classic example of someone who chooses to see what they want to see.
She’s not joking. Ten minutes on this blog should tell you that. I suspect you’re a regular reader, which makes your delusion even more astounding. From the plastic surgery to the marry rich at business school, she means every word from her white, upper middle class heart.
Someone who would stereotype and judge someone based on a single comment is a classic example of ignorance.
You do not know anything about me. Divorced..single mom who works full time. No Botox. No business school. Living a completely authentic life full of adventure and joy. Kids in public education. In fact I WORK in public education. Regular reader of MANY blogs and widely open to varying perspectives. Able to take those perspectives and ponder them intelligently. Highly educated with multiple degrees. Not rich nor do I care to be…
She’s not joking? Farmers aren’t rich. They didn’t go to business school. She got divorced… SHE didn’t follow this blueprint.
My delusion? People who cannot step back and put words and perspectives in context, only focusing on their own small world perspective are delusional. People who are judgmental and critical of others without knowing them astound me.
Um, many REAL farmers ARE rich. As in millionaires and while they maybe didn’t go to business school they run a business every single day of their life.
She’s totally not joking. She linked to her own post (!) where she seriously suggested to women that plastic surgery is a new business tool. Was that a satire too? Viewing plastic surgery as a tool is consistent with her other posts about her eating disordered behavior and her raging jealousy of the young, mini-Penelope Melissa, whose size 0 ass and C cup breasts convinced Penelope that her husband was just waiting to cheat on her. Or did you think that was also satire?
This post is absolutely consistent with the views she espouses regularly. This is not some let’s-eat-babies work of genius. Her post is a sad attempt to synthesize statistics and fluff journalism into an alternative path to the one she took because where she is standing now in her life is so precarious. As would be any stance based on self-hatred and shallow perfectionism. I’m judging you as delusional based on your comment being delusional. You are seeing satire where there is none. I think you might have satire confused with purposeful controversy to drive page views. I have no idea why you decided to tell me your life story. Totally wasn’t interested. Was referring to your comment and your comment only.
No she didn’t follow the blueprint, she said so at the beginning: “To be clear, I have made lots of mistakes. But I like to think I would not have made those mistakes if I had had a blueprint for adult life like the one I’m giving you, right here. The blueprint starts at age 18 and goes to 45.”
She thinks she’ll solve all our problems by sharing the wisdom of her mistakes.
Oh yeah, I’m aware she didn’t do this step by step. But that didn’t stop her from using men in positions of power to get her jobs (boyfriends, men she suggested she’d sleep with, men she did sleep with), for example. So my point is that whether or not she actually adhered to this bullshit 100%, she has been guided by the general principles all her life.
Where are the amendments to this list? Learn how to cook real good, make sure your vagina smells like flowers 24 hrs per day, keep your body warmed up for blowjobs and anal sex, practice keeping quiet for long stretches of time, learn to agree with everything that men say, be prepared to give up all of your life’s dreams and goals at any time…
This is horrible.
Your advice is completely disgusting. I don’t think that just because you have reached a certain age, you are entitled to give advice. Lindsay Lohan is older than me, but I don’t want to listen to her.
As to your advice, I don’t need plastic surgery or a husband to make myself happy or successful. I have no desire to go to business school and I don’t want to “do a start up with a guy.” How about we choose business partners based on acumen and experience rather than genitalia?
The worst part of this post is the number of comments applauding dependence on men and cosmetic surgery.
In regards to #4…what if you aren’t sure you want to get married and have kids, say, at age 26?
But if you are, do you have a separate blueprint for #4, because, for goodness sake, we all know what a challenge it can be!
This is the most outrageous post I’ve ever seen. Its sad to see women victimize themselves this way. It is barely worth the time to argue with this woman’s insane point of view…
This whole article is offensive, divisive, backwards, selfish, and… well, immoral.
Just so you know.
Regards,
—
C.
The article is immoral? That descriptor does not apply… sorry.
What’s with all this Funke?
Overrated, I say!
This is the first and last time I will read this blog. My takeaway from the 20 minutes I wasted reading this ridiculous nonsense is that I agree with the now 100+ posters that Penelope Trunk is an idiot.
You are not smart. This is the dumbest bunch of shit i’ve ever heard or seen come from the mind of a woman. Thank you for setting women back hundreds of years. All women should get botox and plastic surgery? Do things because it will please your future husband? Why don’t we just get back in the kitchen and make a sandwich for any man who asks because he might buy us an expensive ring? You are exactly what is wrong with society.
Ha, this is great satire! It’s satire, right? Of all the terrible advice that women get, like getting botox, going to school to find a husband, and staying together (and at home, homeschooling your kids) for the kids? And how that advice is all terrible and oppresses women under the guise of telling them how to be happy? Because if so, HILARIOUS!
What utter swill. Do people really believe this shite?
Oh, did you finally read The Rules?
Or did you think that 1950s idiocy needed a retro comeback?
Or maybe you’re just hoping that all women will be as shallow and illogical as you and then you can convince them to raise shallow, illogical daughters too! I’m not sure about your end game, though. It might be one of those “Step 1: Tell all women to act identically as man-obsessed Stepford Wives. Step 2: ???? Step 3: Profit!!!” situations.
Is there a reason that this post isn’t called “Blueprint For a Woman’s Abject Misery”? That seems much more honest.
As far as I like to believe feminism as come, it blows my mind that people still think this way. Feminist issues aside (there are so many of them!), holy codependence batman! Most of the advise can be summed up as, “latch onto someone successful, suck up to them, and ride their wave”. What a sad way to live/think…
Are you KIDDING me?
Look. I can agree that more attractive women will fare better. I can agree that being a 45-year-old mother of an infant is rough. But telling women to stay in awful marriages because it’s somehow cocky to do otherwise is absurd, as is your suggestion that a woman go to business school primarily as a dating ploy. All this aside, I’m absolutely loving your assumption that all women want to marry and have kids.
This post is sickening. Thanks for setting us back a good thirty years.
Am not looking for a better way to live a cliche. Feminism used to be about working to expand our possiblities/rights and make a space where we could be ourselves not forcing ourselves into shapes that in the end are destructive and truly please no one.
I nearly died laughing at this! Found you through Corporette, and don’t know how I lived so long without you.
I must be WAY too old (54) to appreciate this. I read this post and thought you’ve got to be fucking kidding me. Botox? Plastic surgery? Shop for a husband? Stay at home? Homeschool?
Life is to short to do all of this crap. I’ve got four kids who went/go to a poor, rural school — oldest went to Smith, next one’s at Cornell, third could anywhere in the world based on scores etc., fourth is a work in progress. The key is to pay attention to the educational system and get involved (school board) in setting policy.
Whatever . . .
I am a recent college graduate with a major in business. I have always been very involved in extra-curricular activities, which I believe can be more valuable that class time (In reference to “Do less homework”). I still always did well in school, not to say I was valedictorian or anything. I want to get my MBA after getting some experience under my belt because, like you have preached, I didn’t want to go to into some unaccredited MBA program just to avoid the bad economy. I have never had a serious boyfriend, not because I haven’t tried, but because boys just aren’t interested in me, some think they’re intimidated I think otherwise. In college I was the most involved, the hardest worker, the person who my classmates asked, “how do you do it all?”. This article completely stresses me out and makes me feel like it will be impossible for a female, such as myself to ever be as successful as I have imagined and get to have the family I’d hoped. I mean all this article says to me is marry rich, stay at home, and raise your kids….
My garsh. I’m writing to the other readers in this one, because judging by other posts here, I’m not gonna get anywhere with the author.
I think that Trunk should probably take a breather. I think that she has insecurity issues and perhaps an inflated, hollow ego, and that those things guided her “Blueprint”, not actual success. I think that is why she yells at people in her head while driving, not because she actually has something to prove that is prove-able. That’s my ad hominem argument.
Regarding her suggestion to do less homework, I think that women should study if they feel that that will make them their personal best, and not study so much if they don’t. A woman who is un-athletic and is bored by video games WILL NOT benefit from doing those types of things. If she doesn’t like to plan events, then she probably shouldn’t be in a club. If it’s in her blood to study, she needs to study.
Also, regarding her suggestion to get Botox and plastic surgery, she obviously has never been to Miami Beach. Those women have those things, and those women look like the muppets. Have you ever seen a lady with Botox lips sneeze?
However, sure, some people do fine with Botox and plastic surgery. But everyone? As a prerequisite to success? Girlface, c’mon. Different strokes.
And, not everyone wants to go to business school. That’s a weird thing to say, and only good advice for some women. However, I can understand the hubby argument, and somewhat agree with the other hubby-related bullet points.
Now, whether or not to do a start-up with a guy… wouldn’t that depend on the nature of your business and how much patience you have?
Furthermore, lady, HOMESCHOOL??!! Are you CRAZY?!
Anyways, I disagree with Ms. Trunk. I think that her version of feminism takes us down a notch and disallows us to use our natural feminine powers (grammar police!). I think instead of trying to give in to men, it’s better to manipulate and scare them.
LOVE,
VAUGHN
Wow, this is really terrible advice, for the most part. I’m a child psychologist who studied marital problems. Please, moms, do not show this post to young women, this is awful advice. Girls- do your homework. I got a PhD and I’m financially independent. You will not get an MBA or a PhD if you don’t work hard and try to learn. Homeschooling is NOT the only solution out there, obviously. And saying that kids don’t notice if their parents are unhappy. Yikes. The research shows that children are very sensitive to marital issues, and marital problems can lead to anxiety or behaviour problems. Also, it’s bad to model a bad relationship. This is the kind of advice only an unhappy mom would give (The kids won’t notice it!) News flash: they notice everything. I would go further, but, it’s all too ridiculous. P.S., ladies, if you want to become a psychologist or a doctor, do your homework. We weed out applications that don’t have an A average. Guess Penelope would not have made the cut!!
Not bad suggesyion.
This is the most idiotic, shallow, demeaning shit I have read lately, and written by and “educated” woman.
So the gist of your whole plan is…look pretty, and if you aren’t pretty, pay to get some pretty, then start looking for a husband, lock him down and obsessively guard your marriage so you can stay at home being a housewife, homeschooling your kids and cooking, oh and get more botox and fillers while you’re at it, so you don’t look older than dirt.
This kind of shit makes me sick, and the fact that so many women here are praising you for it, make me sicker.
You’ve just wittled down the value of a woman to her looks and usefulness as a cook and wife. Where are you from – the fucking 50s?!
You vapid, mindless idiot.
Also remember even if a man beats you, verbally or emotionally abuses you, or just generally sucks to be around and curtails your development, stay with him! for the kids! they’ll love it. just think, if he breaks your nose, you can just go get a new one, an even better one! no problemo.
I wish I could like this more than once. Spot on and well put.
I completely disagree with the majority of these points. If you want to live your life by gripping onto every detail until your knuckles are white, then by all means, this list might be wonderful for that.
However, life is messy, unexpected and all the better because of it. Why not suggest to women, rather than plastic surgery and botox – find an active hobby that you love, if not in your childhood or teens, then your twenties, and excel at it. It will keep you in shape and help you stay motivated, which will in turn open up more opportunities in life, love and work because of your energy levels, appearance, and better health. Why not, instead of saying “hire a maid and stock up on Botox,” create excellent organizational skills in your twenties and thirties, so you can have less clutter, both physical and metaphorical, in your life, and have less to deal with. Also, wear sunscreen, don’t fry your skin daily in a tanning bed, and use a good face cream. Because Botox will make you look like a severe, expressionless harpy.
Why not, instead of setting off many a woman’s panic button, say “look for the qualities you desire in a husband in your early twenties” instead of “you better have that man nailed down by 28, because by 30 you need to have babies in the oven or you’re eggs will rot and die.” Also, if you’re anything like my mom, whose husband died in a motorcycle accident (he was sober, road conditions were bad and his airway was blocked when he fell off his bike, leading to brain death, so no need to blame him) when she was 27, leaving her with a three-year-old baby (my sister), life is *never* going to be so cut-and-dry.
Also, homeschool? Do you know how horrendously poorly-adjusted most of the homeschool kids I know are? They didn’t know what to do with society when they joined the “real world,” and have spent all of their early and mid-twenties reeling from the shock, trying to figure out how to survive what us public-school-educated kids understand to be societal norms. I also don’t know how you expect someone to be a high-powered business woman with a start-up and a fulltime career, so busy she needs to pay someone to clean her house, and homeschool her kids too.
Finally, how about “have a strong, absolutely honest, mutually-trusting marriage where both parties are in tune with one another” rather than “obsessively guard your marriage.” Most guys that I have ever met have not listed “obsessively guarded” as a trait they’re looking for in a relationship or marriage. Taking a strong role in choosing well and helping your marriage to survive, sure. Being possessive, hawk-eyed about the details, and unflinchingly severe in micromanaging your partnership… not so much.
I do agree with a few of your points, and every woman is allowed to live her life, so if this has worked for you, which it appears it has, and if this has worked for your clients, wonderful – but this is most likely not the “realistic blueprint for a woman’s life,” nor is it “the blueprint for a woman’s happy life.”
I can’t decide if you’re a troll or if you actually believe every woman should fit into this boring, submissive, somewhat superficial mold. But at the end of the day, I believe everyone should be able to choose their own happiness, so if this lifestyle makes you and your readers happy, who am I to judge?
To some of the recent commenters,
The true idiocy is expressed by you and your inability to understand satire. That is what is discouraging to me. What is also discouraging to me is when women stoop to name calling in lieu of intelligent discussion and deep thinking. THAT is what sets women back.
Look, if you want to be pissed, be pissed at a society that makes these statements true because that is where the blueprint really comes from. And maybe women should consider what role we have played as a collective in making it so by the choices we make despite wanting it to be different. Penelope called it out. Don’t like it? Choose differently then. But get off your high horse…
I largely agree with what you’re saying, but you should check your definition of satire.
Is this satire? Is this just an outrageous post to get comments? Is Penelope Sacha Baron Cohen or Ann Coulter?
What is outrageous is that it is true based on trends, statistics etc not that Penelope pointed it out. She was brave enough to call something out for all of us to examine. She prompted deep thinking and reflection – for some anyway. She prompted an examiniation of social frameworks that are perpetuated by choices we make. You don’t see plastic surgeons going out of business do you? NO – because women ARE getting plastic surgery and botox injections to fit a particular mold projected upon us that we buy into. I know women who are set on finding a husband that can support them. Look around…what she points out, while it outrages many of us, is real. What this post really should do is cause people to “rage against the machine”, not Penelope.
I am still subscribed to these comments. All of the people who are disgusted with her are articulate and passionate. It’s a good comment stream for finding likeminded women who I’d want to fraternize with. Wish this dialogue was on my own positive contributive site showcasing creative talented innovative entrepreneurial women around the world – but sometimes it takes something negative and upsetting to bring people together. all people who think this is dangerous, frightening advice, meet me over at http://www.whatwomenmake.com!
Found this blog post via a friend’s Facebook wall. You know….until I read the comments, I thought this was satire. Cut up your body to satisfy society’s expectations? Make a life goal out of “getting a husband” (is this 1950?) Dollar signs should be at the core of living? I don’t get it, and don’t want to. Every day I find myself more and more satisfied by avoiding the mainstream.
Sincerely,
A happily divorced and remarried lower-middle-class homeschooling mama with well-adjusted teenagers
All I can say is that this post is disgusting.
I can’t believe that you’re seriously trying to push both genders into a small box by assigning stupid stereotypes.
Your ideas of how women should change themselves is horrible. This is something we should be working against – everyone is special in their own way, and getting plastic surgery and botox is just a way to admit that you are an absolutely insecure person who has no wisdom.
Also, how can you just give up on yourself and others like this? The world is unfair, we get it. But we’re fighting against that – we want to make it fair, and hell, the real battle against equality is lost when you give up. I’m going to continue pushing for this, because equality is a basic right for everyone.
And I’m going to work hard and get A’s, because I’m amazing like that and am actually thinking seriously about my future without romance.
Interesting article and there was much to agree with here. I am 68 this year. I married at 19, had three children by the time I was 28. I went BACK to college and got my degree at age 46. I was divorced once and remarried. My children are far less screwed up than my relative’s who stayed married for the kids. The secret is that you can actually change the course of your life at ANY age and no matter what your previous decisions were. You have a plan that could work, but so do many many other ‘plans’ or non-plans. Being in the moment and assessing your position and moving on from there is the key. I hope to have minor plastic surgery this year but mostly for me…not for financial opportunity. Your article is food for thought but hopefully women will not feel they messed up because they don’t fit into your bullet points.. which may or may not be based on real data.
I’ve just found your blog. I have a headache now from scrolling through all of these comments, but just couldn’t tear myself away. I agree with you that the reason this post is receiving so many comments is because it touches an issue that gets under people’s skin. We tend to have a visceral reaction to things that go against what we have been taught, but in reality we know there is truth to what has been said-whether we like it or not. Life is not black and white. A choice that is “right” for one person may not be for another.
There are really so many levels to this topic of what a blueprint for women “should” look like, which is perfectly illustrated by the responses above. I agree with you on many levels, but I am at a place in my life where I can say that and not feel bad about it. My 20-something self would argue with you until she was blue in the face.
It’s all about perspective, societal pressures, and expectations put on us by others and ourselves. It really is “okay” to value things like children and family and still be a feminist, but because the generation of women before us fought so hard for equal rights (THANK GOODNESS!), I think sometimes women are too hard on themselves when they realize that they would rather be at home with their children; that somehow they have failed. It takes a change in mindset, but it’s a natural evolution of the feminist movement. We went so far in one direction that it naturally will transition back to more of an equilibrium–and that may mean staying at home for one woman, continuing up the ladder so Daddy can stay home for another, or not having children at all for another woman. No blueprint is the “end-all be-all” for every woman in existence.
Good post.
What the fucking fuck? At least your site will be irrelevant by the time my daughter is old enough to read. This is not career advice, it is how to snag a man in ten easy steps advice. Repackaged for the modern day moron of course.
I must say, it was an interesting read to say the least… Besides the Botox suggestion I am inclined to agree with what you say. Women need to get out of their feminist dream world and realize that some things in this world is going to remain that way. Yes, I can say this as a woman with a BA in Women’s and Gender Studies. We may be able to “fix” some characteristics of men, but otherwise we function the way we have been programmed, so just deal with it in the best way we can.
Amen Sarah. It seems difficult for some of the commenters to acknowledge that we probably cannot change men, or societal attitudes, or workplace stereotypes individually within a critical time span in our lives. Those commenters who believe otherwise are idealists.
Penelope is reflecting the weariness of those of us who tried the “idealistic” way, and found it exhausting, and once the kids come, found it to be SO not worth it. If critics who’ve posted bothered to look at her history, they would see she tried: the high powered career and the stay-at-home dad model, the public schools, having children after 35 and trying to raise them as a single mom. The blueprint is mostly based on what she would have done differently.
One of the commenters criticized Penelope’s plan as “the path of least resistance.” So?
I wish I had taken it.
The problem is not that she did all this, the problem is that she thinks this model will fit all women. Not all women want to get married. Not all women want to have children. Not all women are heterosexual. It would have been ok if the title had been “things I learned…” or “what I would have done differently” but the way she put it was as advice that every woman should follow. Because of the way she wrote it it sounded like she was telling every woman to go and have plastic surgey etc. This is a major flaw.
I like that you mention studies and research in your articles. Because of your contrarian, politically incorrect opinions, people will get angry at you. However, I think you’re totally right. I’m not sure how I feel about Botox or plastic surgery, but it’s true that attractive people are more successful, and that stay-at-home moms are generally happier than women who have to balance careers with family. Thanks for posting this article!
I like that you mention studies and research in your articles. Because of your contrarian, politically incorrect opinions, people will get angry at you. However, I think you’re totally right. I’m not sure how I feel about Botox or plastic surgery, but it’s true that attractive people are more successful, and that stay-at-home moms are generally happier than women who have to balance careers with family. Thanks for posting this article!
I was horrified when I first read this until I realized that it was a perfectly accurate description of the (white) women members of the private club I work for. I wouldn’t trade my life for theirs. They are bitter and mean and their kids are out of control. They basically strike me as unfulfilled.
So no thanks-I’ll just be getting on my own childless, interesting, equitable, intellectually and emotionally fulfilling way.