My miscarriage — on CNN, ABC and AOL
I don’t usually post clips of myself when I go on TV. But I’m posting this one, where I talk about trying to get an abortion in Wisconsin and end up with a miscarriage at work instead. It was a difficult interview, which is why I like it. And, remarkably, I have good hair without trying, which is another reason I like watching the clip.
For those of you who have no idea what I’m talking about. Here’s my twitter that caused uproar. And here’s my post about it. To give you an idea of the recent coverage, here’s the link that is, right now, on the front page of AOL, and here’s a link to an article by Lara Salahi at ABC News — I really like that one.
If you are new to my blog, and you’ve gotten this far, maybe you’ll like staying here for a while. Here’s a good page to begin on: About this blog.
I know I said that that this week is Asperger’s at work week on my blog. Maybe me talking about my miscarriage to newscasters is part of this series. I’m not sure. But I’ve been learning a lot about women from the comments about the miscarriage twitter — on my blog and on other sites. So I’m sure that other people are learning a lot about the lives of women — at work and at home. And that has to be good.
I have to admit I was somewhat taken aback when I read of your original tweet, despite having a staunch pro-choice stance. But watching your interview, where you calmly and methodically state facts about miscarriages, the unfairness of Wisconsin requiring a waiting period, and most importantly, that abortion is legal; you have put the spotlight on those issues without putting moral or emotional judgments on them. And the fact is, one would not put a moral judgment on other health crises–so why are ‘women’s issues’ still so taboo?
Thank you. I just wish there could be more of this level of discourse about this issue in this country.
Penelope, what does the farmer have to say about all of this? Hope you’ll provide an update.
Bravo, Penelope! I am so glad that someone is willing to talk about their experiences without censoring them, just to appease a cultural taboo, or specific social views. All of our experiences can be didactic if we are willing to share them, so thank you for sharing yours. I wish I was more like you, brave and brutally honest. I love your blogs! thank you thank you!
How does a “smart” person get accidentally pregnant THREE times? There is this thing called BIRTH CONTROL. If you use it properly, you don’t have to worry about getting ANOTHER abortion. I am all for choice, but PLEASE! Don’t abuse the privilege.
One of her reasons:
http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2007/12/18/bad-career-advice-do-what-you-love/
“I am a writer, but I love sex more than I love writing. And I am not getting paid for sex. In fact, as you might imagine, my sex life is really tanking right now. But I don’t sit up at night thinking, should I do writing or sex? Because career decisions are not decisions about “what do I love most?” Career decisions are about what kind of life do I want to set up for myself?”
Ann, I don’t agree with killing helpless babies who have no defense, especially being that my little bundle of pleasure is now four months outside her former mommy’s home, but I don’t think Penelope is unusual among abortionist.
When the US Supreme Court of men decided to write abortion into law, it has been used ever since, widespread, as a means of birth control. You kind of sound a bit ignorant on the matter. Shame that I am alive today because my mother is Christian and wouldn’t have dreamed of killing me in 1976. Same shame that my daughter is alive when our society has said to me that just four months ago, in spite of her ability to cry and breath on her own, we could have killed her without consequence.
America is not a civilized Country.
Please know your facts. More than half of women who obtain abortions were using birth control
(Jones RK, Darroch JE and Henshaw SK, Contraceptive use among U.S. women having abortions in 2000 – 2001, Perspectives on Sexual and Reproductive Health, 2002, 34(6):294 – 303.)
And if anything doesn’t this just show that more women should have access to safe and affordable methods of contraception?
Ann – Many, many woman get pregnant on all types of birth control. Some people are super fertile and nothing but abstinence is 100% effective. Look at the fucking labels on all of the birth control pills – ALL OF THEM. Too bad you don’t understand medicine. Ahhh – the ignorant love to judge and have opinions. Too bad about the woman dying to have kids but can’t because there are a lot of them out there so fertile they could get pregnant thinking about sex. You are born with you and that is that.
Her wackiness pretty much makes more sense when you relize that Penelope Trunk (nee Adrienne GreenHeart, nee born Adrienne Roston) has aspergers, has two children (one of which has autism),has been divorced and possibly has a non-traditional coparenting deal with her ex (children stay at home while the parents rotate), and is in the business of bloggertising to get “buzz” or “eyeballs” or “clicks” about her blog/networking website/sell books, etc.
She seems to have reinvented herself several times already to take advantage of opportunities. I found her website of work on hypertext novels and reviewed it thinking “What the heck is special about a linked novel deal?” but the deal was she was one of the first to do that on the web circa 1993- 1996 so she got some geek award back then.
This post describes her version of her name hopping:
http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2007/03/05/my-name-is-not-really-penelope/
So the key thing is that most of what she does is get people thinking and talking about subjects that would get most people run up the sexual and personal harrassment flag pole at standard companies…again, as above, for the business of bloggertising to get “buzz” or “eyeballs” or “clicks” about her blog/networking website/sell books, etc.
If you understand that you will understand why she is going off about abortion, miscarraiges, etc. even if you personally think she is full of sh*t. Many business owners/creaters are to an certain extent this way- they think they know it all and can tell you what to do…
I wonder if her next post will be about used femienine hygene product disposal problems in the workplace
See this post by IRG from 2008 to get the best response to her wacky musings I have read so far:
http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2008/07/25/the-entrepreneurs-guide-to-a-good-divorce-settlement/#comment-158118
You left out Adrienne Eisen, author of the soft porn semi(at least)autographical book Making Scenes.
I support you 100%. Excellent approach. I appreciate your transparency so very much.
Thank you Penelope, for making this subject something we don’t have to be ashamed to talk about. I truly admire you
Shutup Ariel, you are a spoiled brat child who probably never had a loving father nor was disciplined, truly selfish and clueless.
I scolded you not because of your miscarriage or abortion but because you triggered an old wound in me. So I apologize. You’re totally right. I was totally wrong. I am now reading Taking Charge of Your Fertility and even though I’ve never gotten pregnant after years of having sex (both protected and stupidly/drunkenly/desperately unprotected), I now know some women just get pregnant more easily, birth control or not.
Also, really lame of me to judge your parenting or state of mind. Not any of my business.
Good job on CNN.
Shit, your tweet made me think. Thanks.
Regardless of motivation (and it is really immaterial to me what your motivation was when you tweeted the miscarriage–it’s your right to tweet whatever you want), you are doing a good thing for everyone by bringing these things into our conversation. And you handled that interview brilliantly. Brava, Penelope.
I have to admit I haven’t read all the comments…the negative ones were getting frustrating…and since everyone is entitled to their opinion…I won’t say more about that….
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!…..
For all you do and write about and share. As a (relatively) young working woman I haven’t experienced many of the things you blog about….and yet I feel like I can completely relate. I feel like I’m not alone in the struggles I face or will face eventually.
The most important lesson I learn…every time…and appreciate so much…is that no matter what happens…no matter how hard we work…or how hard we think we should be working…life still happens and goes on…and we shouldn’t apologize for wanting to live life while also trying to be successful in a career. We also shouldn’t apologize for needing or wanting to talk about our experiences. I applaud you and am very grateful I stumbled across your site a few months ago.
There was something you said in one of your blog posts that I read when “thumbing” through the archives…it has ALWAYS stuck with me. It was something about “being grateful for getting through the to-do lists…how right now may not be my dream come true….but I still get to experience life” …those words that you wrote have gotten me through many a frustrating moment and have helped put things in perspective regarding whatever issue had been bothering me at the moment.
I realize I haven’t really said anything about this particular topic…no need to say anything other than Thank You…it is so refreshing to be able to hear other women’s experiences. And like you said in the interview…women need to talk about their experience…if we aren’t helping each other who will by talking about the things that we go through…good and bad.
Jim, abstinence isn’t sex. Duh.
John, the point is that no one who has made a real difference in the world has taken the safe, conventional route. They are nonconformists and image-breakers. They make people clinging to the old ways uncomfortable. Like you, apparently.
Make that Dan and Jim, respectively. Sorry, can’t edit or remove comment.
no one who has made a real difference in the world
According to whom? Spoiled brat hippies? Right. I don’t think so.
So let’s see, you’ve had two prior abortions, and if you hadn’t had this recent miscarriage, it would have been your third abortion? Exactly how irresponsible are you? Ever heard of contraception? I don’t think I’ve ever read about a more pathetic person in my entire life. You’re a terribly sad individual.
Penelope,
I really admire what you did. I think you should be proud of yourself. I am so proud of you. I think you’ve just shown to the world that being a woman AND having common sense, strong problem-solving skills, and no-bullshit approach is totally normal. God I love you for that! Thank you for doing this. Let’s keep on normalizing women who can make their own decisions and not be ashamed of it. Bravo bravo bravo!!!
Penelope,
I haven’t read through the other comments, don’t know what sort of response you’ve gotten but here’s what I want to say:
– that guy was an absolute prick – this re-affirms my decision to not watch CNN.
– reproductive rights are always under threat, everywhere. except perhaps Sweden. Go Sweden.
– I don’t agree with all the viewpoints you have expressed in the time I’ve been reading your blog, but you doing that interview is one of the bravest things I have ever seen and I admire you wholeheartedly for it. people like you give me the courage to stand up for my beliefs no matter the ridicule, criticism or consequences. You are amazing for doing this, and you should be tremendously proud of yourself.
All the best. I hope you are not in any pain.
How refreshingly real. Everyone with their stupid opinions, its only fear,
no one is different, just different perspective. You go girl! I wish I had your balls to speak of the things I have endured…one day. write on…
A lot of men are writing comments with their egotistical dicks instead of their fingers. Shame. They have no idea, and never will because they DO NOT KNOW WHAT IT IS LIKE TO BE PREGNANT–regardless of how it unfolds.
I’m less confused that you went on CNN to talk about a miscarriage than I am that you don’t know what birth control is. Even after 2 previous abortions. If you’re so concerned about your company, position, and inconvenience of going to Chicago, then use some condoms. Get on birth control. Use a diaphragm. Seriously, Penelope! I was more responsible at 15 years old than you are at 42…
I admire what you did and the way you conducted yourself during that interview. Good for you! Please keep speaking about your experiences and advocating for those who aren’t able to speak for themselves.
Interesting. I am not sure either one clearly articulated their points. Also, it was strange watching Sanchez in this role as he is usually a flaming lib. What I think he was getting at was what I noticed as well; the casualness of the discussion of going to get an abortion, as if it was like getting a bikini wax. Frankly, I do not care what choice someone makes as long as I do not have to pay for it. But the casual nature of ending what many think is a human life because it is a nuisance is clearly what is making people uncomfortable.
As to the waiting period in WI, I am reminded of the waiting period to buy guns. How is something a Constitutional Right yet can be abridged? In any event, if you do not like PT’s tweets, stop following her. I find nuggets of info on this site occasionally but more importantly, I am entertained watching a successful career crash into a chaotic personal life.
I think that whether you agree with a woman’s right to an abortion or not, some would at least agree that getting an early abortion rather than a later one is preferred. It is one thing for a “day to think it over” or something, however that assumes you have readied access to medical care, which was not available. However, to wait 3 weeks is crazy and could potential(though not necessarily) add more risk to the woman by having the pregnancy continue those 3 additional weeks. It is definitely different from having to wait 3 weeks to buy a gun.
Erin,
The point I was making was that neither activity, if found to be Constitutional, should be subject to the limitations of a waiting period. Either you have the Right or you do not. And it should not be subject to the whims of what some groups like or dislike. From your tone, it appears that you are fine with a waiting period to buy a gun, which is a Right actually in the Constitution, but not with one for an abortion. I guess it depends upon whose ox is being gored, eh?
Can I just say, you’re awesome. You made that guy look like a blubbering fool because he had no idea what he was talking about. And he was trying to make you look insensitive and it backfired. I love that you are opening up this topic of conversation and I also love all the reactions. Fascinating. Good for you.
THANK YOU for your honesty, Penelope. Thank you for sparking an important conversation.
I think that poor child quit before the all-loving Penelope could fire it. He/she must have been around long enough to know what a horrible mother Penelope is. I say “is” because, I wonder how Penelope will explain to her children who luckily “survived” her abortion/relief at miscarriage, just why she let them live. Does she toss a coin?
Great job with the interview, Penelope. Very impressive.
He was so one-sided – we might think he was just doing his job because, unfortunately most people in this world think like him (or the drafted questions). And the media selfishly entertains such people and attitude.
I thoroughly enjoy reading your blog, please keep it up.
-K
Unbelievably selfish.
And Kavitha’s comment is dumb.
After reading your blog i realized that you have been through a lot in life.All struggle , pain , sacrifices you have done in your life is totally a lesson worth learning .
The hardwork has really made what you are today in life .That is successful.
I love you Penelope. You are an inspiration to me and i always love your advise and try to follow your wisdom.
I think you have a strong and valid point with this whole debacle and society should back off.
You have showed me that it is very liberating and empowering to be a woman. I am proud of our sexes. Thank you.
I am suppose to believe you have anything of value to say when you are not even responsible enough to use a birth control method? Thank the stars that the pregnancy ended you would make a horrible mother!
I’ll admit that I was under the impression that miscarriage was a one-time, painful “moment” event. It’s amazing what you can learn from others.
Clearly, people need to understand their reproductive organs and the effectiveness of contraceptives. I’d be one of them; I had no idea miscarriages took that much time. I was aware of how difficult it can be to get an abortion in some states.
The comments on this blog are nearly always at least as entertaining as the blog itself. I’m especially amused by the venom of a few chronic commentors; I wonder why you’d spend so much time and invest so much energy spewing your contempt when you could be enjoying those beautiful children gifted to you by your god.
Penelope, your hair does look great in that interview. Whether you’ve done it for attention or money or fame, you’ve still raised awareness about what happens during a miscarriage and the roadblocks women face when trying to get a legal abortion. For that, I thank you.
Penelope – wow – you made the front cover of the Wisconsin State Journal. I have to wonder how a 42 year old woman with two children could have three unplanned pregnancies. I would hope by now you have figured out how to prevent it.
Years ago a dear friend confided that she had had a miscarriage at work. I had no idea of what she was going through at the time. Did not really know what a miscarriage was like. She and I were co-workers sitting just a few feet away from each other. We had lunch together often. And yet, the “taboo” of discussing miscarriage kept me from having the opportunity to offer help or a shoulder to lean on. To be a real friend in a difficult time. Only after time had passed and she had a much-awaited healthy baby, could she tell me what she had endured. Keep up the good work, Penelope!
I have never seen Rick Sanchez in action before, but I have to say that he is a dolt! What a horrible interviewer. I see the point of your original post anmd am sorry that people are so judgemental to be completely unable to understand your intentions.
This is just exhibitionism. And like most exhibitionists, PT enjoys the negative attention as much as the positive recognition. What would upset her more than the finger pointing moralism would be if there were just 7 comments on this post.
It is a good thing you are available to add to them then.
As a society, we’ve moved to the point where people can talk about/take time off for depression related to miscarriage and blog/Facebook about pregnancy loss, infertility, etc. Now, if people object to all of that as TMI, fine, at least they’re being consistent. But it seems to me a lot of the objection to Ms. Truck is based solely on the fact that she had the nerve to feel happy/relieved about her miscarriage.
I’ve been fortunate enough to never have to deal with an unwanted pregnancy, but I know women who have, including 3 who miscarried. One of those was unwanted because of finances (they already had one child and were struggling financially) and two were unwanted because they were caused by rapes (an ex-boyfriend in one case and a boy friend who became an ex after the rape).
All 3 of them told me they were relieved when they miscarried because they were planning to abort. All 3 were afraid to tell people how they felt. The one with finanical issues miscarried at work and she felt like she had to pretend to be sad because otherwise people would think she was a monster or a freak.
I know women who have been heartbroken over a miscarriage as well. Every pregnancy and circumstance is different. So it follows, quite logically, that every reaction to the loss is going to be different. We’re slowly starting to get past the stupidity of telling a heartbroken woman she shouldn’t be feeling grief, I think we should do the same for those who feel relief.
PT, I love that you left the interviewer in the hot seat and made him ask the questions he was so uncomfortable asking instead of cowering to his position and sounding defensive in your answers. And, you did a great job of leveraging his questions so you could advance your messages: (1) miscarriages are a (sad, but) normal part of life and work happens during life, and (2) in our country, women have the right (not the obligation) to get an abortion, so it’s silly that some states mount obstacles that interfere with that right.
Nice interview, PT!
Cheerios, Kathleen
To those of you condemning her for not using birth control, was that mentioned during the interview? I haven’t seen any reference to contraception in the articles I’ve read, one way or the other. Getting pregnant doesn’t mean people aren’t using contraception. Birth control methods sometimes fail or aren’t used properly.
Factually, do you know of anyone whose contraceptive methods failed to the extent of three unwanted pregnancies?
S
I have personally known people who have had condoms and/or diaphragms fail 3+ times. For many birth control methods (and especially barrier methods), the failure rate from TYPICAL use tends to be much higher than the published failure rates from perfect use. Lots of people put condoms/diaphragms on/in wrong, or they slip out of place. But there aren’t a lot of other options for women who can’t tolerate hormonal birth control (and copper-only IUDs often have debilitating side effects).
@Jackie
I hear you. I am one of those women who cannot use hormonal birth control. And I have had a pregnancy due to a condom failure which I aborted.
I would love to get my tubes tied, but finding a doctor who will agree to perform that procedure is not as easy as the Pro-life “just get your tubes tied already you dirty slut” crowd seems to think it is.
Hm. Maybe they ought to use some of their energy toward lobbying to make it easier for women to elective sterilizations?
I just take issue with the “75% of women have miscarriages”. I don’t think that is an accurate number. Personally, I would never post something as intimate as a miscarriage. But this whole blogging, reality tv, ‘I want my 15 min. of fame’ culture we live in just makes me sad.
But, I do think that Penelope is brave to bring this out, I could never do it. I’d just go under my covers and cry for days. What really is sad is reading all these hateful comments. I love your blog and I’ll keep reading.
Jilly,
The reason you would go under your covers and cry for days is what makes you first a woman, and second a human being. I totally get the fact that women are at risk for unwanted pregnancies no matter how careful they are. But three times?
I also understand that a child presented to a psuedo-sucessful person with a tentative relationship with a farmer might not be wanted. I think the farmer wants her even less than she wants their potential child. Where is he in this mess?
I truly fear for the kids you decided not to abort.
Penelope,
Thanks for the excellent job you did with that interview, staying calm and reasonable, not taking the bait. (I’m wondering if the Asberger’s is partly to credit for that,, allowing you to be objective when under attack. I could never have been so articulate and calm as you were.)
I well remember the relief my mother felt in 1958 when she had a miscarriage, back before abortion was legal. We women have kept so much of our biology under wraps – miscarriage, abortion, menopause. I’m so glad to see the light of day putting focus on our secret lives, thanks to courageous women like you.
My dream ticket for 2012: Palin/Trunk
Let’s go to hell in a hurry since we’re going there…
I still can’t figure out how CNN knows what Penelope tweeted…
And, when we say she sent it to her co-workers was that 100 people or 5 of her colleagues?
Last thing I wanna say – I totally cringe when he was trying to ask her about the actual miscarriage. Yipes!
How can you be proud of losing a possible child? Be careful if you don’t want any more children. Maybe the farmer needs to leave more bite marks on your thighs. My sympathy lies with the children you have. If they see any of this commentary, how can they ever feel wanted? You are a mess, Penelope, and I suggest you go get sterilized, and to the farmer….RUN
Sorry I am giving you more attention than you deserve.
You should be TOTALLY ashamed of yourself!!! You shouldn’t even have the right to call yourself a “mother”. Whether the tweet was real or not. You sound disturbed, narcississtic, and in need of some MAJOR psychotherapy.
ABORTION = MURDER
PROCHOICERS = PROMURDERERS
THAT SIMPLE!!!
If you don’t want kids, keep your legs shut. Sew your vagina shut. Use birth control. Go lesbian.
And get rid of your friggin b*tch-ass god complex.
Hey, Pro-Lifer,
Agreed that Ms. Trunk is wacky.
A deeper question for you is: How many special-needs or older children have you adopted? All pro-life people adopt special needs and older children, right? Or do pro-life people just want to push their morals on other people and make those people raise their own children?
Just asking.
I’ve realized that although I disagree with many of your views, I have so much respect for what you said on TV. Thanks for conveying a message that so many of us are afraid to do.
Hey Penelope, right on. It’s not too much information, not in this day and age. It furthers the conversation about women’s right to control what happens to their body (and keep working through it). Bravo.
Eilene
Penelope,
Congrats on a great interview. You really put John Sanchez in his place without being strident about it – but assertive and informative.
I love you for this. Go, Penelope.
penelope trunk…you are a TERRIBLE person. to even imagine that this would be so simple and unimportant to just simply twitter about? are you mental? possibly off your meds? God have mercy on a soul who would abort a precious soul that he gifts to you as well…awful. I can only pray that you are the LAST person people come to see for career advice. Lets just say that you’ll be very derserving of your fate…
You are not a terrible person. You are an honest person. You are doing your best to be your best person and that is more than many can say for themselves. Don’t let what people say hurt you. Honesty is a good thing, a very good thing!
1.If that is an example of a good hair day, she needs a new stylist immediately, if not sooner.
2. As CEO, (or in any position, but certainly CEO) you have personal time off and sick days. It is not mandatory to give the raw details of your problem, politely excuse yourself. “I need a couple days off for a personal matter” works everytime, if they trust you.
3. The female experience can include many horrifying details of ones vagina, however tactful females don’t feel the need to advertise every yeast infection, Herpes outbreak, etc. The female experience also includes pride, decency, and respect for herself and others. None of this is evident in this woman’s “experience.”
4. She mentions feeling bad about a previous miscarriage, what about our responsibility to each other as women, sharing life experiences? How can she think that a woman who may be going through a similiar ordeal and feeling horrible about it might read that and feel worse?
5. What in the world is she going to tellthe poor children she did decide “made the cut” when they are inevitably faced with this?
6. This woman should not be doling out advice to anyone, let alone getting paid to do so.
7. Perhaps someone should show her a public service announcement about birth control methods
Sam,
I could not agree with you more. Penelope sacrifies all human dignity and emotion for attention. It is possible, of course, that she is not capable of dignity or emotion. The only realistic forum for her brand of “motherhod” would be the Jerry Springer show.
Oh wait…that show was cancelled because nobody wanted to watch…it was just too embarassing.
Let’s all ignore this woman…maybe the kids she did allow to survive might get some attention.
You all forget that she has asperger’s which tends to make her emotions different than others. That said, she still revealed more than needed in pursuit of bloggertising…