For a startup, money doesn’t solve problems, it just changes them

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We finally locked up funding for my company. There are some catches, though, and one of them is that we can't use the funding to pay back debt.

This is a problem because our company has been out of money, pretty much, since November. We have revenue, but not enough to cover operating expenses. So we've all given up a portion of our salary for a while now. And we stopped paying rent. And we didn't pay freelancers, (which meant that for the past months, any time something broke, it was very high stakes because we couldn’t hire someone to fix it.)

The lack of money got so bad that one day I was driving to Chicago to meet an investor but the company credit card (which is really Ryan Healy's credit card) was declined. And I didn't have money for gas. So I had to drive back to the Brazen Careerist office and get money from Ryan Paugh, who is the only person in the company who has any sort of financial cushion in his life. But he only had $20, which is not enough to get to Chicago, so the investor had to meet me in Milwaukee. And buy me lunch.

The no-money thing has also been stressful at home. At first I cut back on stuff that was not a good idea. Like, cut back on the vet for our two new kittens, and then it turns out they are not that new, at least to the world, because one got the other pregnant. And now it's really expensive because we have to have a cat abortion.

So I looked for more innocuous cutbacks and thought of my ex-husband. I am supposed to be paying him $250 every month for two years. But he already sort of lives in my house anyway. Because I'm nice. And I thought maybe he wouldn't notice it if I didn't pay him that. Or he wouldn't say anything. Because he's nice.

I also cut back on the cleaning woman who comes every day. Please shut up about how it's a luxury. Anyone who has a stay-at-home spouse has someone doing a quick clean up of their house every day. Also, it's pretty hard to have an ex-husband in and out of my house every day if I have to clean up after him. And, a clean house is so important to women that it is actually a good indicator of whether or not she'll want to have sex. Women like having sex more when their house is clean.

Not that anyone is having sex in my house. Well, except for the kittens. But my point is that cleaning is important.

I also thought it would be good to decrease household help because the other night we were having dinner and my six-year-old found an apple seed. He said, “Let's save this til the spring and then plant it and grow an apple tree. And we can water it every day. I mean, we can pay someone to water it.”

Okay. So I told myself cutting back expenses is an okay thing to do to keep the company going.

And then we got funding, but we are not allowed to use the funding to pay debt. So all the months that people have been expecting to get back pay, they are wrong. That's not happening. And, also, all the freelancers are not going to get paid.

The investor tells me, “Oh, this is fine. Treat your stock like Monopoly money and give it to the freelancers.”

This does not sound right to me. So I call the guy on my advisory board who is plugged in to all things Silicon Valley. He tells me that paying stock is generous. He says a lot of companies would just not pay. Period.

I am still scared, though. I was a freelance writer for five years, and I got so frustrated when people didn't pay.

But I called one of the freelancers we owe money to and asked him if he'd take stock and he confirmed what my advisory board member said: Stock is surprisingly generous and startups screw people over all the time.

Great. Now I'm ready to make the rest of the calls.

Things go pretty well. No one is happy. But we have always hired freelancers we adore, so we have good relationships — well at least we do at the beginning of the calls.

Then I get to my SEO guy. He is a nut. First of all. Let me tell you a little about the SEO world. It happens after dark. I don't know why the SEO guys don't sleep, but they don't. Also, it's always guys. I think because SEO runs a lot like the mob and the mob is all guys. Really, think about it. Who are the top Diggers? Guys who never change out of their pajamas. And who is ranking on Google for top search phrases like “buy guitar lessons right now” or whatever. That's right. Guys who never change their pajamas.

So, anyway, my SEO guy is very gracious about the stock. And I make a note to myself to maybe stop twittering about how he's a crazy person. But then he calls back and says, “Uh. Could I have links instead of stock?”

Really. He tells me his plan to dominate the world by having his various web sites rank high on Google for odd business term searches. And, then, after he shows me all the places on my blog where I mention the perfect business phrase for linking to him, he says, “Um. And also, you know that post about your first date with the farmer? I'd like a link there, too.”

Yep. That's right. My SEO guy has a gardening site, and apparently my farmer page is one of the most popular pages on the Internet for this one, specific word, which he does not want me to tell you because he thinks you will then develop a site yourself to leverage traffic from this word.

I go to the board meeting with Ryan and Ryan. We report that we got the debt off the books and we're ready to take in the money. And I am feeling sort of good. Like we're turning a new page in the life of our company. And snow is thawing, and I'll draw a salary again and I'll get some cute spring skirts. In fact, I'm hoping maybe I'll get enough money to revamp my whole wardrobe: Does anyone want to buy a link on that farmer post?


93 replies
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  1. Caitlin
    Caitlin says:

    Who are these people? I’m a freelancer. If I did work for your company and you did not pay me, I would sue you. You’re obliged to pay, just as much as you’re obliged to pay your vet and cleaner and plumber and ex-husband.

    I don’t know exactly how the system works in the US but I’m sure there must be some protection for small contractors. In the UK if you don’t pay me within 30 days, I get to charge a penalty fee AND interest, and if you don’t pay me that I get to take you to the Small Claims Court. It only costs about £50 to file a claim and I can represent myself in court. If you don’t show up to contest the claim, then you’d get an automatic judgment filed against you and any assets owned by the company can be seized by court order in order to pay me.

    I’ve never had to put this system to the test (though I know people who have). Either it’s effective as a deterrent or else all my clients are honourable and solvent, because I’ve always been paid, sometimes late but always eventually.

  2. Caitlin
    Caitlin says:

    Is this my second comment? I can only see one other comment appearing.

    I would seriously question the legality of your investor’s proviso that the money cannot be spent to pay debts. Sounds like hogwash.

  3. The Opposite Sex yet I still like it
    The Opposite Sex yet I still like it says:

    Your alimony is a pittance and should not be mentioned except for pity. Most men and some women pay for their lifetimes and male judges feel sorry for the opposite sex who still like it.
    I am self employed and work for family members who know they can get away with underpaying because of the ramifications. Build a financial reserve with other’s good will and you will make enough money one day to pay them-please remember to do so. Farmer logic: money is like manure, it only works if you spread it around. Kitty logic: I’m at a loss.

  4. spleeness
    spleeness says:

    I am so glad you blog despite unsoliciated advice and some negative comments. I love your blog and am sorry for this rough time. If I were rich I’d gift the moulah.

    About women having sex more in clean houses, I totally buy it. I read once that people feel safe in clean, comfortable homes because it’s built into our brains to notice this in our environment, leftover from caveman days. The article painted a picture of a cave with lots of sharp protuberances saying we evolved to notice this because it could harm us. (I just tried to look it up for referencing here but there are too many competing keywords.) But I like the idea that there’s a biological basis for my desire for order and soft blankets.

  5. Julie
    Julie says:

    I don’t fully understand the kitten situation but it sounds tragic, preventable and selfish — not to mention taken far too lightly on the blog. Animals are not just possessions; we are all animals too. I am not clear on the need for a kitten abortion here – is it just that you don’t want a third cat? Please take more care in the future before gambling with animals’ lives and welfare. r

  6. Julie
    Julie says:

    I don’t fully understand the kitten situation but it sounds tragic, preventable and selfish — not to mention taken far too lightly on the blog. Animals are not just possessions; we are all animals too. I am not clear on the need for a kitten abortion here – is it just that you don’t want a third cat? Please take more care in the future before gambling with animals’ lives and welfare. r

  7. Jen Spencer
    Jen Spencer says:

    That, quite possibly, was one of the best reads I’ve had on a Saturday morning. Great story. Hilarious. And, true, so true. I’m glad they took the stock, and you can wipe the slate clean. Does it make you feel lighter? Enjoy the new money!

  8. BravaB
    BravaB says:

    In response to the freelancers comments:
    “I truly believe they really couldn't foresee what was about to happen, and I completely do not feel taken advantage of. They've been very transparent with the situation since it first seemed like there might be difficulty in closing future funding. I haven’t been doing work for then since November, so no one was “tricking” us into working for free”.

    Transparency is the new start-up CEO’s term
    for “I am going to mess with you, use you
    for your talent, but I am not going to pay
    you, but it is ok, by the time you figure
    this out, I will have already received
    what I want out of you for free, but
    it will make me and my ego feel better because
    I was ‘transparent’ in my dealings”.
    Unfortunately it has taken me a few start-up
    experiences to learn this. People save your
    talent, and save your pride. Most of us
    “free lancers” would be better off contributing
    time to charity in our communities, and going back
    to the “greedy” business world where we at least
    get paid for our services, in lieu of the “warm and
    fuzzies”.

    Thank you for your “transparency”, (aka half-hearted truths), but the last time I checked the mortgage, groceries, and daily responsibilities cannot be paid on half hearted truths, and stock in these circumstances usually amounts to very creative wallpaper.

    • Bleakspot
      Bleakspot says:

      I would so love to see PT’s credit report. This post is really the lowest of the many lows she’s taken pride in reporting.
      Penelope is her business. If the business does shifty, semi-legal things, you can bet she does as well.

  9. Sam
    Sam says:

    lol that is hilarious. Your SEO guy is willing to be paid in links. You do have a pretty good site though. I can understand how he would value you that.

    If the price is right, I would actually be willing to buy a link on that site(I have a site that goes along well with gardening). It’s probably out of my price range though, email me. I have no idea what that secret word is that your SEO guy is talking about. :( Maybe I’ll do some research if you are actually selling the link.

  10. Ellen Hart
    Ellen Hart says:

    You should be thrilled that you got funded. I have spent months on my business plan and pitching to the 5 potential investors that approached me. Once I began working on my plan and saw the amazing potential of my business I became focused on the plan and finding the money instead of working on my business that sells laptop bags for women (careerbags.com). I am now officially doing nothing but working on finding my target customers.

    • Jonha
      Jonha says:

      I think his SEO guy wanting links than stocks is clever. By getting stocks from Brazeen Careerist, he’d profit in just one company. By getting links, he’d profit on one site which I am sure would have links to his other sites and that makes him making money on various sites (all from one link by Penelope). Two or various is better than one. Remember, SEO is all about links, links, links to you.

  11. Nathan Snell
    Nathan Snell says:

    ^Just to clarify so I don’t wakeup tomorrow and have something else ranking for my stuff (I guess it is like the mob…). I meant that literally. He’s got to be a wicked awesome SEO guy to want links instead.

  12. Sarah
    Sarah says:

    Offering the outsourcers genuine options would have been an honorable option: stock (PT really could hit it big) or payment from her own personal funds over time with interest as she squeezes a bit out from her now flush again salary, paid for by the new VC.

    Yes, it’s an investment in your business to have a clean house and better sex :-), but really, our freelancers often have more basic needs like food and electricity that they need to pay for. Heck, if we want their best work out of them, just like we want to invest in our best work results, maybe we should pay for a house keeper for them and improve their sex lives!

    Now, selling links — that’s a business model that works. As do ads appropriate to the blog. What’s hilarious is that on Penelope’s blog, ads for everything from sex and fashion to farming to work-from-home would fit right in.

  13. Juiced
    Juiced says:

    Very true. Money doesn’t eliminate problems, it just creates new and “interesting” types of problems, like how to budget it, how to protect it, how not to lose it, and how to enjoy it without being paranoid about the other possibilities.

    You will figure it out though.

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