I so agree with #1. I used to be very sarcastic and worked hard to eradicate that from my life when I started my first job. Result? People actually liked me. Great advice.

yes #1 i agree with too 100%. Not using sarcasm can change your life.

The that confuses me is that telling kids not to use the word hate won't actually stop them from hating things. It will just make them uncomfortable expressing their feelings.

I had never thought of this. Very insightful comment… Something I'll think about next time I'm talking to my kids about hate.

It's not about hiding their feelings. It's about using proper language to express their feelings. The problem is adults being hypocritical… don't do as I do.

I wouldn't put much stock in that Independent article: it seems a case of the media grossly exaggerating the findings of a scientific study. It showed the brain uses some of the same parts for love and for hate, but it also acknowledges there are pretty substantial differences in the *other* parts each process uses. It would be akin to saying that essay-writing and equation-solving are closely linked because they both use pencil and paper (or, on a neurological level, both use the nerves connected to the hand, etc.). The differences are much greater than the similarities.

You've hit the nail on the head with this line, P: "And if you don’t want to claim what you are doing as your own work, ask yourself why you are doing it."

Fear of misinterpretation or misjudgement?

I struggle with this advice of yours more than anything. I fully subscribe to accommodating your boss' idiosyncracies (if poss.), making their life easier, listening well, reflective listening, navigating the political battlefield, etc. I equate all of these to a form of constantly changing your opinions/attitudes based on what you are facing. This can inevitably grow your network/career.

Once you put something down in black and white, however, it is there as a record of 'what you think' rather than a record of 'a thought you had.' Readers that follow you for ages may understand that it was passing or fluid, but an employer or distant mentor could look at that and completely misjudge your stance or capabilities.

I like the ability to accommodate the person I am trying to pitch myself to. If my transient thoughts are associated with my name, then I feel as though it could compromise that ability.

"Once you put something down in black and white, however, it is there as a record of 'what you think' rather than a record of 'a thought you had.'"

Perfect.

I think your insight applies to conversation too. Spoken comments may not be remembered as easily but people always seem to pick up on others inconsistencies. I edit myself so much simply because I fear that people create a quick snapshot of who we are based on just a few things. Those things aren't permanent- although many people expect them to be and they look at you with a furrowed brow and revel in pointing out contradictions. I feel like my beliefs are constantly changing- only my closest friends can keep up.

Hi there, well I'm tired of some of the unrealistic ways I've heard people talk to their kids and I love what you told your son about hate. I've heard some people tell their kids not to say "…'hate', it's a bad word", the real problem is if the kid focuses more on his negative feelings instead of his or her positive feelings. I mean you want your kids to be balanced and realistic.

You take sarcasm away from the Brits and they have nothing left to say to one another. It is a tool that is misused, but in my opinion should never be used to hurt. A lot of sarcasm is self depreciating, but importantly there are cultural differences in the use and acceptance. I would never use with people from other nations unless I knew them very well, but when I am with my people it is second nature and accepted.

Steady on, old chap: there's always gentle irony.

Personally, I particularly liked number 4.

very well said, especially #1, 2# and 5# hit home with me but agree with the other points as well.

I have an especially short fuse for saracasm, for all the above mentioned points, however need to learn not to be to explosive and explisit as I actually DO roll out the whole list from time to time and it is not too constructive … any hints? (counting to 10 does not really work, walking away does make me feel better but it does not make this unconstructive behaviour stop…)"thanx!

I have to differ with you on pseudonyms. There are perfectly valid reasons to use them. Sometimes people have multiple careers going and don't want one to affect the other. Isaac Asimov was a prominent biochemist who also wrote juvenile (now called "young adult") science fiction. He used the pen name "Paul French" for the juvies, so that someone doing a search in, say, Books in Print would find his stuff on proteins but wouldn't find "David Starr, Space Ranger." Later on, after he had made his reputation, he used his own name for his science fiction books, popular science articles, and humorous essays. But during the 1940's he built his "brand" as Paul French without affecting his scientific career.
I myself work for a government agency, and I am also writing a novel. When I publish it, I won't use my real name. That would reveal too much about my attitude toward some of the people I am forced to work with (government employees, corporate managers, and politicians) and would probably poison the well at work.

hmm….granted. You had chosen quite a good topics which really not maximum but many people might hate it. Although hate and love is part of life, I had found maximum of the peoples hate the life they are living, no matter if it is involved with their education, careers, life partner, life style, and on and on and on…

"I told him that discerning people hate things…"
Amen, and it's not just discerning people; it's moral people, too.

"On top of that, people who use sarcasm think they are being funny, but this is a poor man’s humor; because comedy is about timing."
Sarcasm (like shock) is typically a lazy person's excuse for humor. But let's not forget the brilliant exceptions like Bill Murray. Litotes are a form of sarcasm that usually work well, too.

1. Yes (though I'm not sure about the timing)
2. Not here: talking to tradesmen you don't know about pricing can tell you a lot about their attitude to the job. Getting bids also helps you resist the salesman's pressure to sign up NOW.
3. Yes. Also paternity leave.
4. Yes. An internet opinion is (a) too easy and (b) pointless if you won't stand out in the open to be counted.
5. No. Though closely linked, hatred and love are not two sides of the same coin. It's OK to be passionately positive without hating. But very rare – I wouldn't get hung up on it.

I'd have to agree with Rob. Hero status for you for telling it like it is. And that word 'discerning' is such an important one when it comes to analyzing humor and hate.

First thing I read this AM and made me glad that I cheated on myself after swearing I wouldn't go right to my inbox before writing myself!

I a bit confused on #3 – most women are given maternity leave but not paid leave. The majority of the women I know are given the 3-6 months off where they are allowed to come back to their job afterwards but it is unpaid leave. My company allows you to used your own vacation time as part of the leave if you would like to get paid.

I will have to learn how to manage #1. I tend to be sarcastic and self-deprecating, so maybe that's why I don't have any friends. Ok, not true. I have friends. Real ones. I like this post – I never thought much about maternity leave, since I haven't had kids. However, what I hate? People who only talk about their kids at work. Also, these same people seem to have an aversion to anybody who is not a parent. Weird. I've run into this more times than I care to admit. And then I think, sheesh, what was this person like before they had brats?

Maybe they can pick up on the fact that you think kids are brats and don't want to be around you.

Sarcasm it is…as the old saying goes, jokes are half meant. Often times when you can't handle a situation, then here comes sarcasm. A guilty person here! At least knowing your guilty is an improvement right? Next thing is change…:>

Jon Stewart is one of the most sarcastic bastards around, and he's also Gen Y's #1 news source. If sarcasm is done well, it works.

People tune-in to Jon Stewart and are ready and expecting his sarcasm. It flows out of my mouth pretty much without thinking about it. I use in if I am in a group of people who are gathered but aren't saying a word about anything. Unfortunately, those type of people are usually the least likely to get the sarcasm. So, it's probably a good idea not to be sarcastic.

The thing about maternity leave is that we are in the transition period. Eventually the answer to why somebody who has a baby gets maternity leave and you don't get a personal growth leave will be "your mother got a maternity leave when you were born, didn't she." But for now all people can see is somebody "gaming the system" for extra benefits.

"Oh, you are really such a pretty one.
I see you've gone and changed your name again.
And just when I climbed this whole mountainside,
to wash my eyelids in the rain!"

(Leonard Cohen)

This post is at odds with me, because I have difficulty hating. I was raised to think of the word as one so full of malice that it became virtually unusable. I generally say I don't like something, or more typically that I don't agree.

I also am not prone to emotional extremes in the first place. To muster enough feeling to outright hate something is difficult. I usually try to find a way to understand someone's behavior.

Perhaps once I graduate college (in a week) and enter the cutthroat job world I'll find someone or something to hate. But I hope not.

I would take paid maternity leave if there were such a thing. Most people I know don't get paid for their maternity leave so it's more a financial decision than a career decision not to take it. I am currently pregnant and when I give birth in a month, I will get paid for the vacation and sick leave I have saved up and only 5 weeks of short term disability which I had to opt into and pay for myself.

As someone above said, sarcasm is totally acceptable in the UK and Ireland. Take that away, and you disable some of the best comic geniuses the Brits/Irish have! It has nothing to do with timing, but rather with culture.

Sarcasm is not for work, for the most part, but it can be a huge release in awkward or tense work situations. Also some of the funniest comedians do use it to outstanding results (Jerry Seinfeld pops up immediately in my head). On the hate thing, I'm with you 99% – it is healthy and needed there are things we hate and not just dislike or not agree with. Having said that, Bowser rocks, and having a spiny turtle shell sometimes DOES help.

Atypically, I disagree with nearly everything you said.

Re: Sarcasm. Many autistics don't like sarcasm because it frustrates them, they don't discern it; it's a social skill -an evolutionary survival skill. http://www.livescience.com/history/080620-hn-sarcasm.html

Getting bids: I think I understand your underlying objection to getting bids, namely that one can use the process to leverage competing parties against each other and trying to get more for less than the reputable value. Yes, go with the best person for the job, always. I think what you dislike is that the issue of the bidding process is that many people use it as a wedge to try to get more for less, playing people off each other. It's a grave mistake to judge the process (bidding) with a common product (outcome: leveraging).

Done mindfully, getting bids is the best thing anyone can do for themselves. Whether formally or informally, a bid involves a statement of work (SOW) which is an educational process. If you're hiring someone to do a job, chances are excellent you don't know all of the options or processes involved otherwise you'd be doing it yourself or would already know who to hire and as such, would never need bids.

The bid process -itemized- educates you as to the range of options and possible solutions available. In many respects, it amounts to a free consulting session. If one bidder doesn't mention a given aspect the others do, it could mean that bidder isn't as adept at understanding the challenges of the job and should be dropped from consideration. Bidding is an excellent way to determine the qualifications of a given provider as compared to their peers. Bidding should be about competencies and price is a poor determination of it. In my industry, it is usually the least qualified with the highest total costs. Through qualified bidding, it is easier to discern the total cost of ownership of the job if it includes a statement of work with timelines, accountability etc.

Love and hate are two forms of caring. The opposite of love is ambivalence, not hate. Caring vs not caring. I don't know if it is truly possible to hate someone if you do not or have not loved them. Many people are actually ambivalent, not hate-filled. We use the word "hate" when we mean "dislike". Unlike love and hate, like and dislike are opposites.

Speaking of dislikes, I dislike psuedonyms. It's a way of failing to take ownership of what you are. It's not authentic.

I couldn't agree more about your comments on bids. Thinking that bids are unnecessary because you know and love your work might be an indicator that your knowledge is so deep that all you need is some extra hands, but odds are that someone else has insights about how to get the same results in a different and compelling way. If you don't ask, you won't find that out.

So you can't use sarcasm because it is mean, but hate is OK?

Sarcasm is occasionally appropriate for emphasis or effect, just as profanity is.

Excessive sarcasm is as ugly as excessive profanity.

I never thought about sarcasm in that way. Totally makes sense. And a big "yes" on maternity leave and telling management you'll be back for sure. You never know what might happen (or how much you can stand staying home). Great list! (I hate Bowser too…)

Funny you have the issue of bids and pseudonyms on your same hate list. The only problem is that you are letting your privilege show a bit to much.

In my line of work I have to submit proposals to get work in a very politically charged environment. It is partizan and totally irrelevant to my ability to get the work done, but I know that every time someone looks at a proposal they google me and go from there. My only choice is to live under a pseudonym if I am taking a position on almost anything interesting.

I always chafe at the arrogance of people who hate on pseudonyms because for a portion of the population it is the only way that we can participate. We don't all enjoy the privilege to post under our own names and even in the U.S. of A we can suffer very real impacts on our families and incomes for even non-contriversial positions.

I think I'm so lucky to live in Canada, our maternity leave is one full year, more if we're lucky. I love this list and agree with it most of it. But I"m highly guilty of using Sarcasm. Perhaps I should stop.

I think you might be right about strippers named Lexus…..Just met one last night named Lexus!!! Come to think of it, I've also met strippers named Porsche and Mercedes, too, but never a Mazda or a Toyota….Go figure!

It's nice enough to say "It's a right!", but this is something that has to be paid for by somebody. Why should it be the company that might be just about to lose you as a productive worker should you decide not to come back?

Perspective on this can change a lot when you age. About the time I got married, my wife quoted a male pharmacist because she thought he was annoyingly sexist: "What were they thinking when they hired all these young women as pharmacists….if they all get pregnant at once, we are sunk!"

Now that she is in her fifties, and working with a number of young woman pharmacists and unable to take her vacation because she has to cover for maternity leaves, and mutters, I occasionally repeat that quote to make her laugh somewhat bitterly.

Yours is the only blog I read, mostly because it's funny. But, today, it's also because you're making me think about the role of hate in our lives. I don't have The Answer, but I've had some experience that instructs me on the topic.

When I was in the 9th grade, I hated my gym teacher. I hated her deeply and vehemently. When someone pointed out to me the feelings I was having were hurting ME, not her, it blew me away. I honestly hadn't considered this perspective, and once I did, I realized I had to change my feelings. I was taking poison to kill her.

I didn't need to becomes friends with her, but I did have to make her less important in my life.

Two years ago, my boss offered me a promotion with a raise. One week before the change was to take place, she brought me into her office, and said it didn't seem like the right time for the promotion/raise, but could I please take on the additional responsibilities anyway?

Once again, I tested the idea of whether hate serves me. I tested it for months- seething, plotting, processing. I hated her for that decision, but the feelings were not confined to that decision. They ran into my feelings about every choice she made, about the looks she gave, about the way she chewed her food. I looked for (and found!) more and more reasons to hate her. All I thought about and talked about were her flaws. I became a boring, seething, ridiculous person.

It took me six months to remember that hate is my poison, not hers. I found another job. The sad part is that I loved that job. If I hadn't let hate take over, maybe there would have been a less extreme choice than finding another job six months prior.

Regarding maternity leave, I am glad that you have written this, since the modern-day woman seems to be expected to not only raise a perfect family but also have a successful career.

Biology, however, requires that a mother breastfeed her children, which has innumerable benefits to the long term health of the child. Health Canada recommends 6mos minimum, and some nurses recommend even a year. Ultiamtely, we work in order to support the wellbeing of ourselves and our families – and taking time to be with them in their first year of life should not even be a debate.

Also, I was a bit disappointed that you did not mention the father, who also has the option to take time off work… at least in Canada this is the case. As a husband, supporting a new Mother is obviously also important.

You have got to give the dads a thought also, OK so the new moms need rest and pampering after the new bundle of joy arrives, so the dads could also do with some of the attention, I think what I am trying to say is spread the joy and love around evenly !!

I totally agree with all of the things in the hate list. I run a window washing company and often people will get several bids trying to save money. I am definitely not the cheapest in my market but I believe I give the most value for the work that I do. Many times people will call me back after they have gone with a low ball offer and complain about the terrible job and complete lack of professionalism from the low price guy. You get what you pay for!

I agree with some of the things on the I hate list but not all. sacarsm for starters… I hate as well. The idea presented under maternity leave also, but I dont quite agree with getting bids, atleast not totally

I also dont believe paying the highest price for a job is necessarily having the best guy do the job. this is definitely not value for money. I believe in competitveness.

One key rule about bidding is that you never compare apple with pear. Let's say for example you wanted to buy a printer, asking for a bid for good printer will give you varied prices, because we have diffrent brands of good printers (HP,Compaq, Sony etc) but for a good bid, you ask for specifics, down to the minutest detail, e.g a HP laserjet printer, version xyz, copy function, duplex function, etc. Now the lowest bidder for this will be the most competitive and the best.

Now for services, this might not be as straight forward, but the same principle applies.

Maybe for instance you have a list of companies you know can provide a service. From this list you choose the ones for which you have received referrences from similar industries as yours. From this smaller list if you detail exactly what needs doing exactly, the lowest bidder will still be the most competitive and probably the best.

Even with the example of implementing a project you spoke about, you could still look for the best guys in your field of interest and still get bids from them, for competitiveness, instead of hiring just the first best guy.

No matter how high up a standard you are trying to achieve, there is still room for competitiveness, and that is when you as a client get the best result/service

Cheers
Abi

I guess there are a lot of things to hate in the world, in the past I have had problems with my self on that issue, meaning I hated who I was that comes from having depression I guess, I learned to over come the self hate to a point, I hate the way orphanages treat the children,I am sure they do the best they can but I can't get past it all.
thank you for allowing me to vent a little.

I don't think hate is necessary at all.
Scrolled through some of the comments though, and someone said that making kids uncomfortable with expressing hate is wrong, and I agree with that. But, hate is not a standard of life.

Many professions allow sabbaticals, which is like maternity leave but without all the fatness and pain and leaky breasts.

As for pseudonyms, well, I use one, and it's important for me because it allows me freedom to talk about "edgy" things without dragging my family and friends into it (and my friends have often made it very clear that they don't want to be "exposed").

My career and my pseudonym (which I use for my blog) are two different realities. However, if "Kat" ever becomes more famous than "me," I'll so be in on that action!

And I could not agree with you more about allowing our kids to express hatred. Love and hate are real emotions; indifference is so much worse.

I agree that sarcasim is not funny and is often very hurtful. Another thing that goes along these lines is deceitful. People have a tendency to have hidden agendas and put on a front like everything is fine. In reality, they are trying to manipulate you or your friends and family. I see this in relationships and friendships and marriage all of the time.

Finally someone said something about sarcasm. I hate it!!
I also hate the phrase " Its a no brainer " implies that if you think about it at all you are stupid. I think people say that when they want you to go along with them and not think for yourself. If someone says its a "no brainer" I know I better think about it for sure.

I hate liars. There are some people out there (maybe most people) that lie on a regular basis. My x-wife could sit right across from you with her blinking lids as she told you one lie after another. Why can't people just tell the truth?

If I want to get off the phone with someone I will make something up like "I have to get to an appointment" so I can get off the phone. That to me is a fib and not a lie.
What say you??

There are people who does things in order to please us but others are really overdoing it. That is what they call sarcasm.

Really, I also don't like people like that but we can't control those people, right? We will have to just deal with them and live life as we like.

Happiness is a choice. You think so, right?

Sarcasm if done well is a great comedy source. Hell, 1/2 of Seinfeld was sarcasm, and it's going down as the funniest TV show of all-time. And I agree with the above comment about John Stewart – insanely sarcastic. I think this is much more personal. If you have an issue with social interaction (Asperger) then there is no way you can see enjoy or even understand sarcasm most of the time. But I agree that if it is not done well, or with malice, it can be a train wreck.

On the topic of bids, I certainly see your points. I wonder if there is some way to apply it in the government / public sector setting. For example, there's one company in Canada that is the absolute specialist in producing legal documents in all the exacting ways courts and lawyers require them to be produced. Basically all lawyers agree on this. But federal government lawyers are compelled to get 3 bids every time and then make a choice. It is a policy that wastes the time of everybody concerned. But when governments do single source work to companies people complain it is corrupt. Catch 22!

I mostly agree with your point about bids. If its that important look for something other than price to help you make determination. There's so much you can tell about a company when you talk with them and the people who they have worked for,

Re Sarcasm: this is interesting. It didn't used to bother me, but I came out of an abusive relationship and since then it really rubs me the wrong way. My ex used it to demean me constantly, in a pretty socially acceptable, subtle way. To me, it's a tool of the passive-aggressive. But I agree it can be used to comic effect when it's not so personal.

Re mat leave: I just wonder when it's going to start applying to the self-employed. I was running a sole proprietorship and got pregnant. There was no mat. leave for me. I was back at work four days after my baby was born. That was tough, and it frustrated me to no end that even with a profitable business that contributed to my local economy, I was not afforded the same support as someone employed by a corporation, no matter how fallow. In the end I had to sell my business to raise my child properly, and the federal government and I are poorer for it.

Why didn't you get yourself covered under disability insurance? Or is the tax-payer supposed to pay for you having a baby?

I have also one things..like…"ThinkHatke"

I hate sarcasm more than anything else. It just radiates negativity and is so disruptive to any environment. I agree that people who use sarcasm must have self esteem or insecurity issues. It can also cause the recipient to develop insecurity issues if they're exposed to negativity on a continual basis.

Bowser is definitely a character you hate especially when you can't beat him. I was going to throw some sarcasm in here but your blog has already changed my comment here so I must commend you for that Penelope.

The sarcasm point seems to have caught fire, so I'm posting a link to a short, relevant article in Psychology Today: http://bit.ly/PT-sarcasm

Here's an excerpt, for those short on time:

———————
So why do wisecrackers keep their bons mots coming at the risk of alienating others? Though they may not be aware of it, sarcasm is their means of indirectly expressing aggression toward others and insecurity about themselves. Wrapping their thoughts in a joke shields them from the vulnerability that comes with directly putting one's opinions out there. "Sarcastic people protect themselves by only letting the world see a superficial part of who they are," says Steven Stosny, a Washington, D.C.-based therapist and anger specialist. "They're very into impression management."
(Field Guide: Sarcastic Masters. July 1, 2007)
———————

PS I am willing to bet that a great many sarcastic people come from homes where they are taught to repress negative feelings like hate. Penelope is helping reverse the trend by communicating with her kids, and encouraging them to acknowledge a range of emotions, and giving them a safe place to express them (i.e. to her).

If I was 'thin-skinned', my husband and I would never have lasted. He is one of eight in a family born of Irish descent. The sarcasm is rampant!

Heck–Jay Leno's entire monologue is sarcasm. People–try to 'lighten up' and not take yourselves too seriously. That is the point; nobody's perfect!

Point 5 is right on. There was a day when I was a child that hate is a word that should never be uttered or discussed. There is too much using of the world today even with siblings when they say "I hate my brother". Its a terrible thing to say to anyone let alone a child.

I used to be SO bad about dishing out sarcasm. Now its definitely something I hate with a passion too!

Being sarcastic is really annoying to others and those person who are sarcastic are those person who don't really believe on themselves.

@ Kathy,
Children can hate to their heart's content; what that teacher doesn't want is the use of the verb "hate" in class. There are a lot of other words that the dislike of their brother, broccoli, or whatever they hate.
For some teachers, 'hate' is like a curse word, to be used only by adults.

I think it's interesting that so many people complain about paid/unpaid maternity leave. I chose to work for a big company with good benefits. Part of those benefits are 6 weeks of paid disability leave after having a child and then up to 6 months of unpaid leave after that. I chose to take about 5 months of leave before returning to my job. I chose to live in a good school district so that I don't have to send my kids to private school. I could have chosen different things — to live in a city with poor schools, to be self-employed and have no benefits or leave, to go back to work after 6 weeks. Everything in life is a choice and a trade-off. I'm Canadian but chose to live in the US because of job opportunities. Therefore, I've traded off great maternity leave for job opportunities.

As to those people who will never have children and feel maternity leave is unfair — it is my understanding that most companies in the US do not give paid leave – so that makes it slightly less unfair. My maternity leaves will set me back in my career, no doubt about that, so I suppose that's just another of life's choices. As for time off to persue what you love (when what you love is not children), find a company that allows sabaticals or unpaid leave for other reasons — again it's all about choices.

"Also, you do not need to know if you are coming back to work full time after the baby. Tell your employer you are. Change your mind later if you want."

Sure. Lie. Why would we expect anything else from Ms. Trunk?

And how does maternity leave apply to the self-employed? It doesn't!

Don't forget David Dellifield! :)

You're killing me on the whole pregnancy thing. As a manager of people I think it is beneficial for my whole team to know if a team member is expecting. Just like almost anything else that you deal with in the business world the ability to plan is diminished when you don't know that something is coming. I agree that a woman does have a right to privacy on that issue but disagree that they should not let people know about it, unless they have reason to believe that they will mistreated due to the condition itself.

I think maternity leave that is paid should be earned, like vacation days. The first 5 or so can be considered sick leave, but several weeks or so, should be considered vacation or personal days.

you wrote, that you dislike sarcasm. Do you meand commercial sarcasm?
What dou you think about sarcasm in your privat life?
Are you never sarcastic or ironic at your friend circle?

Yes, sarcasm can be seen as being negative. Too much sarcasm will turn people off, but once in awhile can be very funny. Use with caution and sparingly for sure…

Regarding # 1 – sarcasm – I agree.

Too many people don't realize the affect this type of mentality has on themselves. To have a mindset that is 'bent' on belittling others is non-productive, to say the least. I feel it's better to focus attention on helping and encouraging others whenever possible.

to # 1:
Sarcasm as critical comments may be expressed in an ironic way such as saying "don't work too hard" to a lazy worker. The use of irony introduces an element of humour which may make the criticism seem more polite and less aggressive, but understanding the subtlety of this usage requires second-order interpretation of the speaker's intentions. This sophisticated understanding is lacking in some people with brain damage, dementia and autism,and this perception has been located by MRI in the right parahippocampal gyrus.

Sarcasm should be like a good hot sauce. Used sparingly, it can really spice things up, but it's all-too-often used merely to denigrate others, which likely says more about the person using it. When focused upon irony rather than contempt, sarcasm ain't all that bad. :)

J and others – maternity leave in the United States is actually almost never maternity leave. This is a common misconception. The typical woman at a white-collar job gets 12 weeks "maternity leave" by 1. using up most or all of her sick and vacation time then 2. getting maybe 6 weeks paid short-term disability, which they have often paid for partially via paycheck deduction and 3. taking the remaining time unpaid through FMLA. Which only applies if you have been at a company over a year and the company has more than 100 employees. Details vary but this is pretty typical.

So it's not true that you as a "non-breeder" are not entitled to this. You also have sick and vacation time. You also would have short-term disability to use should you have surgery or some sort of medical event. You would also get FMLA time if you needed it for your own, your spouse's, your parents, medical care, etc.

I agree that it is often a good idea to avoid breaking news of pregnancy as long as you can, because of negative career results. And people, once you are showing there are still several months till you have the baby so it's not like your manager wouldn't still have time to prepare.

About Sarcasm
If you can't say it yourself why not enjoy the things that others have said? That's right, there is no reason not to enjoy what others who are better than you have said. Their observations about the world and it's people are laid bare for anyone to enjoy.

Here is my list.

1. Failure
2. Bad Luck
3. Lack of opportunity

Shiroi Neko
http://www.shiroirnekoonline.com

As with most of the previous comments, I agree, Sarcasm is hugely off-putting and, as an employer now, it is something which immediately flags up any potential future conflicts with candidates.

Wow. We wouldn't get on at all.

In my experience, people who don't "get" sarcasm are neither very intelligent nor very fun to talk to.

Hi Penelope,

I like it every time you feed our curiosity by telling us the answer (for those who are curious). I think it's very interesting.
Though I do not always agree with what you say, I always marvel at how you present things and make your ideas like-able. You are such a gem Pen!

Jonha

The fourth item on the list, pseudonyms, is the one that bugs me the most. Have you ever been in a conversation when you thought you understood what they meant , and later found out the word in that particular setting had a completely different meaning. When making a first impression its important to understand the lingo. I found the best way to avoid this issue is simply to restate what they said, and ask them if thats what they mean.

Love what you said about sarcasm being negative, and being poor man’s humor. Never thought of it that way, but so true!

You're right, people who use sarcasm think they're being funny, but comedy is about timing. Again… so true! Appreciate the clarification and your insight! Keep up the great work!

A professor I had long ago opened up one of her communication lectures with a lesson I never forgot. "The root definition of sarcasm is 'to rip flesh' Use it accordingly." I made an effort right then to avoid sarcasm whenever possible. I'm glad I did. It's often misused and a cheap hit – but I do love Jon Stewart. He has a pass.

As for a pen name…I have mixed feelings when it comes to internet posts. When an unpopular opinion can make you a target, or 5 minutes on google can give anyone your life history – I view it as a security measure. I'm proud of and stand by my statements – but not knowing who is reading my posts makes me wary of giving away too much personal information. Plus my real (very uncommon) last name connects me to a spiritual leader in my community. Our opinions often differ. I don't post anything I wouldn't say in person nor have I ever backed away from explaining myself…but sometimes it's just not worth it for either of us to point out the connection. Like what I say, hate what I say, but don't tell my father on me! I'm well past the age where he's responsible for my actions.

Flip side — Read comments on any popular news story. The hate that spews from some keyboards is devistating at times. The internet allows for so much, but would people really respond the same way if they knew their employers, co-workers, friends, family would call them on it?

That's pretty much the same to anybody.