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I get questions all the time about how I manage having kids and a startup at the same time. After trying to answer the question a few times, I realized that there's the pretty-much-BS answer about how it's all about being clear on your values. Or there’s the complicated, too-long-for-interviews answer.
To really get tips for being a CEO with young kids, you'd have to hang out with me for a day. Like, last Tuesday. Which was just another day of being a parent and running a startup. Except this day starts at midnight. When I decide that I am not going to go to sleep because I have to get up at 3:30 a.m. to drive to Milwaukee to catch a plane to Atlanta at 7 a.m. And here’s the first tip:
1. Get sleep. The kind that is not warm and sweet.
I decide I’ll stay up late and work but what I find is that I’m mostly eating. First coffee. Then coffee doused in sugar. Then peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, which I covet each morning I make them for school lunches. But normally I restrain myself.
I see now I’m too stressed for normal restraint, so I go to bed.
My three-year-old is in my bed. If I get in, he will snuggle and whisper “I love you” in his sleep. But when I get up to go to the airport, he’ll have a fit, because what kid wouldn’t hate to wake to his mom leaving his house in the middle of the night?
To shield my son from childhood trauma I take him out of my bed and put him in bed with my ex husband, who is sleeping in the bedroom down the hall so that I can leave on business trips.
2. Be great at business travel. But get out of it whenever you can.
I set the Blackberry for 3:30 a.m. And when it wakes me I feel like I slept for ten seconds. But this crappy itinerary was my idea. Because I was so excited to go in and out in one day and not have to stay in a hotel.
At my gate I write a blog post, and I feel really good that I can do it at 5a.m. in an airport on no sleep. I send it to my editor and tell him I’m a star for sending it a day early – usually I send it an hour before I want to post it.
Then the flight is delayed. Then it’s broken and delayed. Then it’s probably not happening. Then I see that I will not get to my meeting if I wait for the next flight. But another airline has four, gloriously direct flights that get there in time. I am happy.
Until I hear that the cheapest ticket is $1200. So I call Atlanta to say that my flight was cancelled and I can’t get another.
3. Go to the office when you could go home. Go home later with impunity.
I want to go home and sleep. But I go to the office because we are getting ready to pitch to VCs. We have a lot of great ideas for what we are building for the community. And we are obsessed with the news that Gen Y is not using social media at as high a rate as Gen X is.
I spew the statistics about how bloggers are higher earning and higher educated than most people, and the average Twitter user is nearly 40 years old. We see our spot in the world, and we draw on flip charts and make PowerPoint slides, and then the nanny calls.
And I remember that since I’m not in Atlanta, I can take my son to his T-ball game. So I leave. Here’s something Gen Y really hates: when Gen Xers bolt out the door early to deal with their kids.
4. Prioritize. And keeping the kids from screaming comes first.
I pick up my sons and they want shorts for T-ball. I’m happy about this because I can run in the house for their shorts and check my twitter feed, which is hard to read on my Blackberry.
In the house I grab a diet Coke and the fridge light doesn’t work. I am so focused on shorts that it takes me two more light switches to realize my electricity has been turned off.
Then I remember that paying the bill was on my to do list. Somewhere. Under blogging and investors and T-ball. Yes, I know this is totally irresponsible. But the bill got too big at the end of last year, when my company was not paying salaries and I was not paying most bills.
Also, last week I took half the money for the electric bill and bought my six-year-old a new violin. I told myself that was OK because the violin teacher said his fingers were missing the notes because the violin was too small, and solving that problem seemed more important than paying the electric bill on time.
So I go to T-ball. Because it’s way easier to deal with no electricity when kids are consumed with swinging bats at each other.
5. Get as much help as you can afford. But there will never be enough.
I call the house manager, who has written “pay electric bill” on a post-it maybe ten days in a row, and I tell her the lights are off. She gives me a plan for getting electricity back the next day. Her plan entails paying the bill in person, and stopping at the grocery store for treats, and going to McDonald’s Playland, so the kids are quiet while I’m on the phone with the electric company.
The six-year-old asks what we’re doing. I say, “The Internet is turned off. I have to turn it on again.”
I know this is very serious to him. Because he is consumed with watching YouTube to find out how to win levels in Super Paper Mario on the Wii.
He explains to his younger brother, “This is serious. If we don’t fix the Internet, Mommy won’t be able to work. And neither will her helpers. And people will not see penelopetrunk.com.”
6. Don’t be sneaky. Kids always catch it.
Once I pay the bill, the sun is almost setting, and I need a plan for being in the house in the dark. The house manager makes a plan: Go to a hotel.
But I don’t want to because the kids will know something is wrong. I worry they will be messed up from living in an unstable household. They will grow up wanting to work at the same job at the same company for 60 years because my unstable startup life made them crazy.
So I get them very tired at Playland. They run and scream and I almost pass out on the table because now I am going on three hours of sleep in 24 hours.
Then I take them home to perfectly choreographed sequence of pajamas-book-bed just before the sun sets. They fall asleep and don’t even notice there’s no light.
Then I realize that I didn’t get flashlights. So I get the Dora the Explorer flash light out of my six-year-old’s room and wave it around a little to test it. He asks what I’m doing.
I ignore him.
He goes to the bathroom to pee. He says, “Hey. The lights don’t work.”
“Yeah. I know. Just pee and go to bed.”
“Hey. My bedroom lights don’t work.”
I ignore him. I tuck him in and kiss him and I tell him that it might be very dark if he wakes up in the middle of the night, but he can call me.
“Did you not pay the bill for the lights?”
WHAT??? How does he know this? Bills? He knows about bills?
I say, “Yeah. I forgot to pay the bill. But we paid it now. And the lights will be on tomorrow.”
“In time to play the Wii before school?”
“Well. Um. No.”
“You forget so many things. You never forget your work things and you always forget the house things. No mommy forgets more than you do.”
Then he says, “Mommy, I’m scared. I don’t know how dark it’s going to get. And the house will feel haunted. And what if I can’t see you?”
I get the kids out of bed. I decide we’ll go to a hotel.
I grab the essentials before the sun goes down in our house: Stuffed animals, my laptop, my purse, and gel from my dermatologist to squash breakouts. Because people like to read falling apart in stories and words. But people start to worry if they see the falling apart in your face.
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I'm completely smitten with the honesty of this post. I'm starting a(nother) business now, and the lesser-of-two-evils decisions are going to be the end of me. 2 in college, 2 heading to college in the fall, and a 3 y/o and I buy a laptop? Shit like that.
I know the lights are back on for you already. Have a great day Penelope.
Marivic
Posted by Marivic Valencia on 04/29/2009 at 09:58am | permalink | Reply to this comment
Do you worry that maybe the boys are getting their way a bit too much? After a fun day with T-ball, McDonalds, play place, maybe you shouldn't have gotten them up out of bed and gone to a hotel because your six year old voiced a fear. Is it not more productive to calm him and explain what he can do if he is a afraid? Just thinking in terms of what my parents would have done/said. I'm only 26 with no kids, so it's just an opinion.
Posted by Jo on 04/29/2009 at 09:58am | permalink | Reply to this comment
Yeah I thought that way before I had kids too…when you are trying to work, be a good mom and manage a household you'll do whatever it takes to make your kids happy and feel good. McDonalds and a hotel never killed anyone…
Posted by Lisa on 06/22/2009 at 11:11am | permalink | Reply to this comment
Frazzled Careering Careening Careerist.
The kids will have fond memories of a dynamic, crusading mom that made life interesting and fun while she fought for her piece of the American Dream.
Then they will get jobs at GE and stay there for 40 years, working their way up from mail room to electromotive light rail draftsmen, to product managers of the MSTGD (Marine Steam Turbine and Gear Division), to minor VP's of GE Schenectady's TWR & RE (Toxic waste recycling and Renewable Energy).
You will be 77, and holding your grandchildren in your lap, when your staid, grown boys hold martinis and don silk smoking jackets, recounting over Thanksgiving dinner to the company assembled (in an assumed, fake wasp accent, betraying their proud, Jewish Heritage, I hope not):
"Mummy used to dash about in a tizzy, forgetting to pay the electric, while us boys cowered in the dark. She would miss her flights and rush us to a local motel so we could play video games. It was so early oughts!"
Better a mother like you then the prototypical suburban stereotype made famous in the Rolling Stone's , "Mothers little helper".
What a drag it is getting old.
Posted by Alan Wilensky on 04/29/2009 at 10:08am | permalink | Reply to this comment
Two things:
1. I liked the honesty of this post, and learnig how much kids pick up on, but it made me sad. I know it would hurt my feelings to be called a forgetful mommy, so I hope you are doing okay with it and taking it in stride.
2. I know you don't care about typos and you don't think others should either, but they are distracting. Why doesn't youe editor fix thse things? (See how distracting those typos were? :-))
Posted by J on 04/29/2009 at 10:09am | permalink | Reply to this comment
Oh, I do care about the typos. I am impossible to edit — I obsessively change random words up til the last second before I publish. And I always seem to add typos.
There are a few proofreaders who subscribe to the blog, and I get regular emails from them.
Hopefully I've fixed all the typos in this post.
And, thanks for caring :)
Penelope
Posted by Penelope Trunk on 04/29/2009 at 10:24am | permalink | Reply to this comment
i'm soo glad its not just me that does this!
my articles get proofed, but then i change things at the last minute – and invariably leave a new typo which. i used to kick myself when i saw the errors on publishing. but now realise it's not the end of the world ;)
Posted by Sital on 2009-04-30 09:04:44 | (Comments wont nest below this level)
You're lucky to have an editor! Anyway, I didn't see any typos when reading just now, and I am a pretty picky reader too, so you are probably safe.
I really like the honesty of this post and while I'm only 21, I wish more mommy bloggers would write about their ATTEMPTS to maintain that work / life balance. Not just a "5 Ways To Keep Your Work / Life Balance In Check." I will probably be dealing with this stuff down the road and it's nice to hear someone's true voice and personality shine through in their blog. Well done!
Posted by Amy on 2009-05-06 01:34:43 | (Comments wont nest below this level)
Wow, you're brave! This hits awfully close to home for me, LOL. There have been times when lights were shut off for us, too. Kids are amazingly smart, but don't beat yourself up too much. You know you have to choose your battles and not sweat the small stuff – balancing your passions with your responsibilities means there will be times you might get it wrong or wrongish, but you also don't want to be a Mommy-zombie and give them too much power. You're doing great, don't kill yourself with guilt. They'll grow up with fantastic stories and unique little personalities and that is how is should be.
Posted by Cheryl Allin on 04/29/2009 at 10:10am | permalink | Reply to this comment
You have no idea how much I envy you. I have a best friend who is driven, motivated like you. I had to admit to myself that I will never be like you. I don't like being tired and having that achey feeling from not enough sleep. Sleep, not work, is a priority for me. But when I read your blog posts it makes me aware of how much life I'm not living.
Posted by Carol Saha on 04/29/2009 at 10:15am | permalink | Reply to this comment
Carol – There are alot of different ways to 'live life to the fullest'. Luxuriating in the many physical and psychological pleasures of life, like sleep, is a perfectly fine way of 'getting the most out of life'. I also admire people who are very, very goal-driven, but they give up (or never experience) things that we laid-back folks take for granted, I think.
Posted by LP on 04/30/2009 at 11:36am | permalink | Reply to this comment
I'm completely smitten with the honesty of this post. I'm starting a(nother) business now, and the lesser-of-two-evils decisions are going to be the end of me. 2 in college, 2 heading to college in the fall, and a 3 y/o and I buy a laptop? Sh*t like that.
I know the lights are back on for you already. Have a great day Penelope.
Marivic
Posted by Marivic Valencia on 04/29/2009 at 10:37am | permalink | Reply to this comment
Thank you for the tips! Running a house and a business is quite a challenge!
ENJOY!
Fifi
Posted by Fifi Flowers on 04/29/2009 at 10:51am | permalink | Reply to this comment
Glowsticks – those chemical ones that you bend and shake that glow for 8 hours. I keep a few on hand for when the nightlight bulb burns out or the electricity goes out in a thunderstorm.
Posted by genXmom on 04/29/2009 at 10:56am | permalink | Reply to this comment
Keep some glowsticks in the house – the kind you bend and shake that glow for 8 hours. They are my backup temporary nightlight plan for when the bulb burns out or a thunderstorm knocks out the electricity. Plus they are really fun.
Posted by genXmom on 04/29/2009 at 10:59am | permalink | Reply to this comment
Love this post!
I'm no CEO or managing my own company but working a very demanding job full time from home (gah I miss an office!) and being single parent with about 75% custody to two small kids, I can totally relate.
The lowest moment in my life was when my daughter said "mommy, you love work more than you love us". Ugh. Trying to explain to your kids that you are building a comfortable life for them isn't always easy. Personally I think having the electric turned off might not be a bad experience – they know now why you work: to pay the electric bill!
Posted by Me Thinks on 04/29/2009 at 11:03am | permalink | Reply to this comment
Hilarious. I forwarded this article to my friends. Finding the balance is so tough. I got my graduate degree at Saint Leo while I was working full time and taking care of my family. It was definitely a juggle but I managed. Even though I'm sure my family felt neglected. Not that I graduated though I can make it up to them :)
Posted by jessica on 05/14/2009 at 12:52pm | permalink | Reply to this comment
Penelope, I love this post. You are human after all! – as many of those who dissed you as 'crazy' in previous comments might now think to themselves. It's so easy to equate success with some sort of de-personalising of the person concerned. But at the end of the day, as we say here in England, even the Queen has to sit on the loo! So, even CEOs struggle with parenting and the demands of career – despite the myth of the 'super woman'. I have a friend (a 'yummy Dad' as we call it) who is basically 'Mom' to his son at our school. His wife, the breadwinner, works 24/6 being Partner at a top law firm. But she admitted to me she can never shake the seeping guilt at being away from her kids when she's at work and away from her work when she's with her kids…. what more to say. I think at least you've made peace emotionally with your choice: good for you. And Good Luck! You deserve it!
Posted by Helen Romeo on 04/29/2009 at 11:30am | permalink | Reply to this comment
Umm, no, I still think P is bipolar and currently sharing her manic phase with us. Does that make her less human? No, of course not; but it does make me (and I suspect others) worry about her and her kids. If having lights was important enought to decampt to a hotel for one night, then why didn't P make it a priority to pay the power bill on time? I don't buy the "busy CEO" malarky.
Posted by Maus on 04/29/2009 at 12:46pm | permalink | Reply to this comment
Well, your credit rating just took a nice wallop. Could it be that you, the queen of the online life, don't even pay your bills online? You could teach your kid to do that, not to mention your ex or domestic staff.
Posted by Jake on 04/29/2009 at 11:58am | permalink | Reply to this comment
And why doesn't your house manager, to whom you pay a salary, pay the routine household bills FOR you? If I were paying someone to manage my home, that would DEFINITELY be one of their responsibilities. There would be a separate checking account for the Editormum Household, into which I would deposit the household budget once a month. And the house manager would pay household bills from that account.
Since paying the bills is obviously not what your house manager does, and since you have a nanny for the kids (in addition to an ex who sleeps over when needed), then just what are you paying this person to do?
Posted by Editormum on 04/29/2009 at 12:03pm | permalink | Reply to this comment
What the house manager does is covered in other posts — people ask all the time. Search house manager in the sidebar of the blog.
Re paying bills: You need a steady income in order to have automatic bill payment set up. If you cannot pay everything (like when my company misses a paycheck) then you cannot do it automatically. And then paying bills becomes a series of hard decisions that cannot be delegated.
–Penelope
Posted by Penelope Trunk on 04/29/2009 at 12:21pm | permalink | Reply to this comment
Whether the power bill was paid or not, who pays it, who doesn't–I don't care about the little factual crises some people are having here ("why doesn't your house manager do it?", etc.)…
I think regardless of those questions, it makes a great point.
Frankly, perhaps it's totally fiction, the bill never reached the cut off point–who cares!
The story told here is one many can identify with and it really grounds people. I am tired of people who publicly seem to "Get it all right." I like seeing such human-ness and I like seeing someone who isn't openly terrified of "the man" (the power company, your credit report, etc.). It's just life…that's what this post reminded me. I don't care if she gets free electricity and she made it all up to make her point. House manager, schmanager, this piece made sense. :)
Posted by Julie on 2009-05-04 12:20:08 | (Comments wont nest below this level)
I think you worry too much. It's both good and bad with a lot of dependencies.
As an example – "I worry they will be messed up from living in an unstable household. They will grow up wanting to work at the same job at the same company for 60 years because my unstable startup life made them crazy."
Your kids are going to do what they feel like doing – just like their mother. I can remember asking my father what he thought I should be doing after high school/studying in college. He wouldn't say and just told me it was up to me. I still think that he did it right by letting me make my own career decisions while still offering guidance by answering specific questions I asked him.
Twice in my life I have gone without sleep for 70+ hours. It was when I was much younger and driven. I value my sleep more now and it is good for my health. There's 24 hours in a day and I do my best to spend it as efficiently as possible as I see fit. The older I get the more value I ascribe to my time.
As a final note I laughed quite a bit while reading this post. A lot of good humor. You really should work on getting more sleep and eating better though. Tough to do with your lifestyle.
Posted by Mark W. on 04/29/2009 at 12:21pm | permalink | Reply to this comment
This is one of those posts that's so refreshingly honest I am going to bookmark it and re-read on days when I am sleep-deprived and stressed out.
Posted by Nisha on 04/29/2009 at 12:27pm | permalink | Reply to this comment
"To really get tips for being a CEO with young kids, you'd have to hang out with me for a day. Like, last Tuesday. Which was just another day of being a parent and running a startup."
Yikes. If this truly was "just another day," I can't help but worry about the long-term effects of this much stress on your well-being. I don't know if you've already done this, but I think a post on how you manage this amount of stress would be a very interesting read.
I have a lot of things going on in my life (including two boys under 6), and I don't have anywhere near this level of stress. Yet it's still a struggle. I'd love to hear what you do to cope.
Posted by Jay on 04/29/2009 at 12:43pm | permalink | Reply to this comment
First, I am in shock that you can send peanut butter and jelly sandwiches to your kids' school. Every school where I live has banned PB for fear of allergic anaphylactic reactions. I wish I could send PB & J to school!
And I love this day-in-a-life post. I have one to share. A few months back I missed the deadline to sign my son up for baseball by two days but the league refused to guarantee him a spot, even though I begged and pleaded. I lost a night sleep and the respect of my 8 year old on that one. Fortunately, another league with a sign up deadline two days later took him. Then the first league moved their waitlist and offered my son a spot. And he said "It's okay now mommy. I forgive you for dropping the ball."
Posted by Carla on 04/29/2009 at 12:55pm | permalink | Reply to this comment
What about, blogging less and spending more time with your kids and making sure the lights will stay on? Just my 2 cents…
Posted by Albert Francis on 04/29/2009 at 12:58pm | permalink | Reply to this comment
I love it.. your so honest and entertaining and that is so true to life…thank you for reminding me that this is how it is!! lol…and its ok to rob peter sometimes to pay paul and to forget to pay the electicity bill… your a good mom and thank you for sharing it!!
Posted by kim on 04/29/2009 at 12:59pm | permalink | Reply to this comment
I really enjoyed this post and it made me laugh to think that you were being scolded about bills from your son. Its amazing how much kids pick up and understand. At least you can rest in knowing that you're raising a kid who knows the importance of bills and responsibility; even if its b/c the world may essentially end without his morning wii time.
Take care!
Posted by Tiffany on 04/29/2009 at 01:00pm | permalink | Reply to this comment
P.,
I could go four months without paying my electric bill and still keep the lights on.
Exactly how far behind are you that they actually killed the lights? You alluded that you were at least one month behind when you talked about bill pay.
Posted by anonymous on 04/29/2009 at 01:00pm | permalink | Reply to this comment
I love this post, but I am afraid it is because even my very worst, most frazzled days as a working mother of three have not been quite this bad (yet!) But I can totally relate. The one trap I do think we should not fall into is making bad judgment calls and parenting decisions because we are overcome by guilt (and exhaustion). I think you may have done that with the hotel decision, Penelope. You were exhausted and feeling awful about the situation, so when your son expressed his fear, you reacted dramatically by whisking them off to the hotel. Probably a few minutes of talking it through, give him a flashlight to keep with him, etc. would have calmed him down. Too many reactions like that and he will start to think he has you wrapped around his finger, i.e., catch mommy in a guilty/tired state and I can get whatever I want!! I know this from firsthand experience so I'm not judging, just commiserating.
Posted by Annie on 04/29/2009 at 01:01pm | permalink | Reply to this comment
I fail to see the correlation between points 3 and 4, perhaps you can extrapolate on them when point 6 comes and bites you in the ass.
Posted by Green Taylor Simms on 04/29/2009 at 01:15pm | permalink | Reply to this comment
Ack! You bad mom! You go to your room NOW!!!
Eh, no. You stay right where you are and keep steering the ship through the storms. Yes, some waves will come crashing down on deck and sweep crewmembers down. Yes, sometimes the rolling and swerving and maddening metal groaning noises will make you sick to your stomach, put your headache on overdrive and threaten your personal sense of sanity.
Yeah, it's tough. Remember though that the best sailors are those who have gone through the worst storms. So batten down the hatches and shout in the intercom Scotty, I need more power!
With such a brave, humble, and fearless captain, the HMS Penelope is sure to master the storms and reach its destination unscathed, its cargo safe, its crew tougher and more experienced.
Posted by Chris Mahan on 04/29/2009 at 01:37pm | permalink | Reply to this comment
HMS Penelope?
I thought the reason why some* ran away to America was because they did not want to be at HMS… ;-)
*PT's ancestors may or may not have had the same reasons.
Posted by Shefaly on 04/30/2009 at 11:19am | permalink | Reply to this comment
It was more romantic*-sounding than USS Penelope.
* Romantic in the Ayn Rand sense.
Posted by Chris Mahan on 2009-04-30 12:03:16 | (Comments wont nest below this level)
The one thing about you that's still a mystery to me is your finances. I wish you'd go into as much detail about money as you do about sex. I'm not being facetious or trying to be rude–I honestly want to know how you do finances, and, if you're really ok with working as much as you do yet not having enough money to pay the electric bill.
Sometimes, you're a six (or more?) figure entrepreneur who can afford to pay a house manager $50k a year plus a nanny and a maid. Then, sometimes you're penniless and can't afford to put your bills on autopay because your balance may be zero on any given day. Which is it? How can you be both of these extremes? Or is that just life as an entrepreneur? Is it the thrill of going from poor to rich to poor again that makes it exciting? Or is the eventual hope that you stay at rich?
Posted by Maggie on 04/29/2009 at 02:25pm | permalink | Reply to this comment
Penelope can be both of these extremes because she is a self-absorbed, pathological liar. She is CEO of a blog, for Pete's sake. Not exactly IBM or GE. As for her income, as the saying goes, people who continually flaunt what they make generally don't make what they flaunt :-(
Posted by Terry on 04/29/2009 at 04:50pm | permalink | Reply to this comment
Maggie
I don't know about PT's finances but when one works a non-traditional gig, income can vary hugely by week or month. The only place where cash-inflow is predictable month after month is a 'job'. However for all lives, cash-outflow, alas, is predictable more or less. Which means, net of outflow, the graph showing money can look quite scraggly.
If self-discipline in finances were easier, well, we would not be in the financial mess we are in, would we?
Posted by Shefaly on 04/29/2009 at 05:06pm | permalink | Reply to this comment
Maggie, the short answer to your question is: yes. It's the nature of the business.
Only 7% of startups receive seed funding from venture capital firms. Running one of those companies makes for an extremely volatile life, which is probably why it's more than 90% men. The divorce rate among this group is nearly 50% above average, and most entrepreneurs I know personally who fall in the 7% of seed funding from venture capital firms blame their divorce on their insanely volatile financial life.
I wrote more on this –about my own finances — further down in the string…
–Penelope
Posted by Penelope Trunk on 04/29/2009 at 11:40pm | permalink | Reply to this comment
Maggie, Maggie, Maggie. There's no 6 figure salary. Never has been. Might be someday.
Posted by Bart on 05/03/2009 at 05:23pm | permalink | Reply to this comment
Good post Penelope. The main aspect is to Prioritize. After doing that, you'll never ruin the kids' lives. Regards! Monica.
Posted by Concurso on 04/29/2009 at 02:33pm | permalink | Reply to this comment
Great post! I think as long as you are telling your kids that you love them and feeding them and a few other positive things, they will grow up psychologically stable.
Posted by Irina I on 04/29/2009 at 02:52pm | permalink | Reply to this comment
Um, what Maggie said.
Posted by Hope on 04/29/2009 at 03:19pm | permalink | Reply to this comment
Ditto
Posted by Sally on 04/29/2009 at 03:40pm | permalink | Reply to this comment
um, what maggie and hope said….
Posted by Jim on 04/29/2009 at 03:26pm | permalink | Reply to this comment
I'd love to meet these mythical parents that don't "mess up" their kids. Every kid gets messed up in their own special way, it's unavoidable and a basic psychological fact.
Posted by Milena Thomas on 04/29/2009 at 03:55pm | permalink | Reply to this comment
I'm with Maggie, Hope, Sally and Jim – Penelope, you got some 'splaining to do…
Posted by prklypr on 04/29/2009 at 03:59pm | permalink | Reply to this comment
I spent all night deciding whether or not to answer this comment. Well, these five comments, which all ask the same thing: Why are you running out of money if you have household help?
I hope that my answering these comments will make you think twice about the assumptions you make about someone else's finances.
I traveled for the company 25 of the last 30 weeks. I have two young kids, and I'm a single mother. There is no way I could do this company if I didn't have household help. So the company pays for someone to manage personal stuff while I'm gone — a lot like other CEOs have an assistant. Otherwise everything in my personal life would fall apart when I am traveling.
It's a precondition I have for doing the company, and it's something I've been able to negotiate. It's rare to see this in a startup, but only because it's *extremely* rare that a single mom of a very young kids would even think of being CEO of a venture-backed startup.
A company like this one has very erratic finances. I have gone without pay many times in the last two years. Additionally, I have a child with Autism. It would take too much space to explain to you why this is one of the most expensive disabilities around, but it is. And, for example, I have spent about $40,000 in legal fees to just to force schools to adhere to IDEA standards.
The way that I feel okay about having a very risky career that almost no other woman in my shoes would choose, is that I end up making financial choices that other people would never make, but they are right for my family. For example, we have a pretty nice violin for a six-year-old but we have no sofa.
I think if you dug underneath any family's finances, you would find odd decisions they have made that are right for them but that you would not agree with. I think this is why people are more willing to talk about sex than money: There is more widespread agreement about how to make good decisions about sex than there is about how to make good decisions about money.
–Penelope
Posted by Penelope Trunk on 04/29/2009 at 11:17pm | permalink | Reply to this comment
"There is more widespread agreement about how to make good decisions about sex than there is about how to make good decisions about money. "
That sounds like the topic of a great blog post for you.
Posted by KMS on 2009-04-30 07:13:47 | (Comments wont nest below this level)
The upside of this is that the "house manager's" salary will be added back to the free cash flow to the the firm when you are valued (assuming you make an exit).
Posted by Jim on 2009-04-30 09:10:49 | (Comments wont nest below this level)
"I think this is why people are more willing to talk about sex than money: There is more widespread agreement about how to make good decisions about sex than there is about how to make good decisions about money."
I absolutely agree. In fact, I wrote a short theatre piece about this last year, and our theatre company is using it as the jumping-off point for our new full-length show about abundance.
We asked a lot of community members to participate in the research for and creating of this show. One thing we learned: All of the folks who participated feel that the minute you start talking about money in a specific, personal way, someone will make judgments about you (positive or negative). And those judgments will affect your relationship with that person–even if it's in a small, subtle, or subconscious way. These folks were equally as concerned about getting judged for being good with money as getting judged for being bad with money. In this group, both ends and everything in the middle carries baggage.
Posted by cheryl on 2009-04-30 09:45:41 | (Comments wont nest below this level)
I am SO SO SO glad that you posted this. OF COURSE your start-up should pay the cost of your house manager, since your start-up's value and viability are so closely tied to your availability.
These are the kind of choices and opportunities that don't occur to people, because they're not something that's seen/talked about. We're familiar with the idea of a company paying for a car or a cell phone or a laptop — but this is enhancing your ability to add value WAY more than any of those three things could.
Posted by Sara on 2009-04-30 11:02:13 | (Comments wont nest below this level)
why I love you the most – a well written, well thought thru and insightful response – thanks matey le
Posted by le on 2009-05-03 06:00:51 | (Comments wont nest below this level)
I think that inorder to retain any integrity and validity you do need to explain your financial situation because there are quite a few contradictions regarding your life style.
If you can afford household staff then you should be able to afford to pay your utilities. If you had money to spend on a hotel room you certainly had money to pay bills.
You're credibility is on shakey ground and I think your flying by the seat of your pants. Not someone I'd take advice from seriously.
Posted by Lee on 04/29/2009 at 05:07pm | permalink | Reply to this comment
The most insightful part:
"Here’s something Gen Y really hates: when Gen Xers bolt out the door early to deal with their kids."
I see that on a daily basis, and as my kid's due date looms (10 days!), I remind myself that I don't want to be like that to my co-workers either.
Posted by Nicholas Crawford on 04/29/2009 at 06:01pm | permalink | Reply to this comment
Gen X hated it when Baby Boomers did it (yes, plenty of them did), and Gen Whatever will hate it when Gen Y does it. It's not generational, it's lifestage.
Posted by KateNonymous on 05/01/2009 at 10:13am | permalink | Reply to this comment
Ms. Trunk, (or who ever is being paid to read these comments and follow through)
The go to a random post button thingie doesnt work! I now have to manually search your blog to procrastinate.
Posted by Isha Akula on 04/29/2009 at 07:47pm | permalink | Reply to this comment
Thanks. I read all the comments myself, btw. The comments are my favorite part of the blog. And I use the random post button as a procrastinator as well, so it will get fixed fast :)
Penelope
Posted by Penelope Trunk on 04/29/2009 at 08:59pm | permalink | Reply to this comment
Also, this is completely unrelated but when are you going to change your poll, the one that has been up there about people going to therapy?
Posted by Gerty on 2009-04-30 04:07:11 | (Comments wont nest below this level)
Penelope, as a mom who juggles about three very different consulting gigs while also parenting two young children, I really enjoyed this post. Not sure if this is helpful, but in terms of balance, I seek for balance to my weeks, not my days. There are days that are consumed by work, and others when family is the focus. But, at the end of the week, I strive for a feeling of balance. I don't always succeed, but that's the goal, anyway.
Thanks for the honesty!
Posted by Monique on 04/29/2009 at 07:53pm | permalink | Reply to this comment
What a great article. It was a very honest look at a stressed out GenX parent (like myself). We all try so hard, so impossibly hard to be everything to everybody.
Thank you for sharing your experience!
Posted by Mike McDermott on 04/29/2009 at 08:38pm | permalink | Reply to this comment
I'm still not sure if you're asking for, or giving life/career advice.
Posted by ioana on 04/29/2009 at 09:23pm | permalink | Reply to this comment
Okay… this was a busy day !
Your position as a CEO and a mother is pretty courageous for sure. If your kids can see it, you won't ruin their live. Because examples of parents fighting for they passion/duty (or whatever important for them) and loving their family are great picture for kids. This is what I think.
Good luck for the next day :)
Posted by fanf on 04/30/2009 at 03:24am | permalink | Reply to this comment
HA! I still remember when our electricity was cut off 40 years ago when my parents couldn't pay the bill! Whatever. We all just do the best we can — we're all "good-enough parents."
Posted by Jan Hogle on 04/30/2009 at 07:40am | permalink | Reply to this comment
When I was a teenager in the late 60s, I used to come home from school wishing my mom worked outside the home, like other mothers I knew of, so that I could have some peace and quiet after a long day in classes, instead of being bombarded with questions and instructions. When I went off to college I had 3 goals: 1) never be poor again; 2) find a long-term companion; 3) be "professional" at something. Achieved. And worth noting what's not listed.
Posted by Jan Hogle on 04/30/2009 at 07:45am | permalink | Reply to this comment
ME TOO! I had the same list, and the same goals, and the same omissions (for very, very similiar reasons – add to the misery of having to deal with someone bored and whiny who 1) felt that she had to stay home, because women who worked outside of the home were bad mothers and 2) hated being home and felt "worthless" because she didn't earn a wage – never, never, never again). And I've achieved all three – and added no extra, unwanted factors.
Glad to hear there are at least 2 of us. And I bet we've heard the same crap about our choices from "well meaning" others too. Because you know it is abnormal to not have 2.5 children and flounce around the house in your apron, happily, every day….
Posted by MJ on 05/01/2009 at 09:48am | permalink | Reply to this comment
I enjoy your blog and your sense of humor. Anyone who doesn't get you or your life isn't a working mother or doesn't know one. Sometimes it feels like I am not doing either job well and it is those times when I have to put my head down and know I am doing the best I can. Having children and a support system that get it is the key. It's a balancing act the day you've written about is a sample of what it's like to be a working mom.
And by the way I love the sex posts. Women put themselves last and it is good to see that you can put yourself first sometimes.
Posted by Nancy Carle on 04/30/2009 at 09:48am | permalink | Reply to this comment
Penelope, you are truly my hero. While watching TV last week the cable was turned off (mid-"iCarly," of all the times…). My daughter turned to me and said, "Did you forget something, or are we just broke again."
I lied and told her I forgot.
Must be nice to not be feeling the effects of the economy, like some of your other readers. Good for them. I wouldn't trade my life, despite my chronic stress and current poverty. Both will end one day, which is why I keep waking up each morning.
Posted by DaQueenBee4 on 04/30/2009 at 09:55am | permalink | Reply to this comment
Penelope,
I love the list – very cool stuff. Reminded me of one of my heartbreaking moments.
When I sold my first business (a group of radio stations) I had to tell my then 10 year old son. He started to cry – his dream was to be like daddy and work at the stations someday.
An entrepreneur's business is so closely tied to our personal lives that we forget the impact it has on our kids.
Great post.
Mike
Posted by Michael Nolan on 04/30/2009 at 10:02am | permalink | Reply to this comment
I just went to a seminar on generations in the workplace (something you know lots about, Penelope). And one presenter talked about the foundational experiences of different generations.
This generation that are now children are growing up somewhat integrated into their parents careers — I think this will be their foundational experience. By contrast generation x were the "latch key kids" whose parents both worked, and/or who were children of divorce. The millenials have been mentored and structured and given everything they could by their baby boomer parents. Etc.
So I wouldn't stress about what this is doing to your kids — it's making them a part of their generation, whatever we will come to call it.
Posted by WW on 04/30/2009 at 03:23pm | permalink | Reply to this comment
Penelope,
I really loved this post. And, by the way, I'm sure your kids will be fine. My mom worked growing up, and between that and piano lessons, cheerleading practice, play rehearsals and the rest, she forgot to pay the electric bill once, and our lights were shut off for a night. It was kind of annoying to sit in the car to charge my cell phone, but other than that, it was fine. We read by scented-candle light, b/c that's all we had at the moment. My sister and I weren't as young as your kids, but rest assured, nobody was scarred. Except maybe my poor mom–she felt horrible, no matter how much we told her we were fine.
At the end of the day, I am so glad I had a mom who worked. She was/is magnificent and I wouldn't have had it any other way.
Posted by Jennifer Lynn on 04/30/2009 at 03:23pm | permalink | Reply to this comment
This is one of your best posts – honest and funny all at the same time. Nice work.
Posted by Tyrone on 04/30/2009 at 09:02pm | permalink | Reply to this comment
you're way better than dooce.
Posted by jenx67 on 04/30/2009 at 09:25pm | permalink | Reply to this comment
so are you jen – le xoxo
Posted by le on 05/03/2009 at 06:05am | permalink | Reply to this comment
Keep being the "real" blogger that you are. It sets you apart. You make our lives make sense.
Great post. Brave of you to share, but that's just what you do.
Posted by Angela Connor on 04/30/2009 at 11:38pm | permalink | Reply to this comment
Wow, I get your life. It can be so crazy trying to manage it all. I am a life coach and mother of 3 grown children. When they were younger and I was taking them to soccer games, dance lessons, music lessons, eating in the car, trying to remember which field which kid was playing at and work demanding me to be all things to all people, I struggled to find peace within myself about how I was doing my whole life i.e. work, kids, family, friends etc.
Fast forward to today. I am passionate about people being more connected to themselves and their day to day moments. I have started a blog to help people connect more with the moments of their day and live their life authentically. I think that if I would have known then (when my kids were young) what I know now about living in the moment, being real and listening to my inner wisdom, my life would have been much less chaotic and more fulfilling. I would welcome any thoughts you have about the "in the moment" posts I have created. Take care and good luck with it all.
Posted by Gerrianne on 05/01/2009 at 12:23am | permalink | Reply to this comment
It's possible that whisking exhausted kids off to a hotel in the middle of the night created more trauma than it was worth — snuggling to sleep with mom at home would have done the trick. And that's not even getting into the fact that you could have fallen asleep at the wheel getting to the hotel, given how tired you were. And that the money you saved could have gone toward your next electric bill.
You repeatedly ignored his basic questions, then dragged him out of bed to a hotel to compensate. Why not just answer and comfort him?
Teenagers wondering whether bills are paid is one thing. Six year olds, another. I think you need to be concerned about how much instability they're seeing. Perhaps Gen Y needs to take a cue from Gen X about prioritizing the kids.
Posted by Melissa on 05/01/2009 at 01:57am | permalink | Reply to this comment
I think your children will appreciate that your decisions included their best welfare. And with any luck, at least one will inherit your writing skills so that, if they do carry some suffering into their adult lives, they can at least express that in an engaging way.
Otherwise, I'll just echo the other comments–this was indeed one of your best.
Posted by Amy W on 05/01/2009 at 05:36am | permalink | Reply to this comment
I love your crazy life. However, I could never deal with it long-term.
If you ever relocate to the Minneapolis Area and need a personal assistant (that's good with kids!) I would consider it.
Your life would AT LEAST be an organized mess, instead of just a mess. :)
Posted by Liza on 05/01/2009 at 09:22am | permalink | Reply to this comment
I could cry from reading this post! Thank you! I thought I was the only one. I could list the things I haven't done for my personal life for the sake of getting things done for work, but that would just take forever and I would definitely be in tears.
Posted by Marni on 05/01/2009 at 11:34am | permalink | Reply to this comment
P,
This is wonderfully human and balanced; bravo. I believe in you and believe you are a good person, a good mother and a good executive.
The email about David and some earlier posts are being allocated to "perhaps not the best day for Penelope" category.
Your friend,
Peter
Posted by Peter Degen-Portnoy on 05/01/2009 at 01:09pm | permalink | Reply to this comment
It's truly amazing how much kids learn but observing. Sometimes we think they don't know or won't notice but they do. They know everything!! I love the fact that you post things about your life without a care in the world what others will say. I'm trying to do that in my blog so that people get to know me for who I really am.
Posted by Michelle on 05/01/2009 at 01:37pm | permalink | Reply to this comment
Oh I forgot to suggest something. Actually, I'll be doing a blog about it soon. I use my Blackberry for everything including the alarm for waking me up and I use the calendary reminders for even small things like "Call mom". And sometimes, because I know I'll end up dismissing that reminder, I setup a few of the same reminders so that I eventually do complete this task. So… perhaps to help you pay your bills on time or whatever else you need to do, setup a Calendar entry with a reminder and if you know you're probably going to end up ignorning it, setup the same reminder for the next day at a different time or something and I guarantee that you will end up paying that bill or at least telling your house manager to do it.
Hope this helps.
Posted by Michelle on 05/01/2009 at 01:42pm | permalink | Reply to this comment
Hi Penelope
After reading your blog and all of the amazing reactions to what you did and how you handled it, I decided to write a blog about how people have reacted to this blog. What I find most compelling is how diverse the reactions were. I believe the key to our personal growth lies in our reaction to the behavior and comments of others. Take care and you are amazing for being so transparent in your life.
Gerrianne
Posted by Gerrianne on 05/01/2009 at 01:54pm | permalink | Reply to this comment
I think the bottom line is that family and high-level jobs don't mix well. If you attempt both as a woman, you have to do some serious lifestyle gymnastics to make it work, as we've seen in your posts. I cannot imagine what it takes as a single mom of two young boys, one of which has autism. So I applaud your resolve and drive and energy. There are so few women climbing high still because it is hard to juggle family and work. It's the nature of the beast.
Usually the man is the one who has that kind of job. He has a wife who usually stays at home to take care of house things ( with or without the help of a housekeeper, a nanny and a gardener), and he has an "assistant" to take care of other matters. How a single mom can fit into that well ordered formula I don't know.
As far as your finances and personal life go, they are really none of our business. If you choose to share them, fine, but people love taking everything literally. It makes them feel superior to then chastise you.
Posted by Danja on 05/01/2009 at 02:04pm | permalink | Reply to this comment
One of my friends who is a teacher in a low-income school district asked her Kindergarten class to make a "list" of Christmas presents they wanted that year. None of the kids could understand what the list was supposed to be. When she said it could also be a list of bills you might pay, describing what a list was, she said they started firing off bills faster than she had ever heard. They knew every bill in their house that had to be paid and when it was due. So sad, they couldn't think of Christmas presents but were happy to share that they had gas bills & electricity bills.
Posted by Lesley on 05/01/2009 at 02:07pm | permalink | Reply to this comment
My kids think I'm the most forgetful mom ever. I think it comes with the territory, mom's aren't perfect.
My kids also know about bills and what happens when they are paid late. They also know how easy it is to get loans but how hard it can be to pay them off. I think it's better that your kids know about real life, bills don't pay themselves and money doesn't grow on trees.
Shelly – Mom to 4 great kids! 18, 13, 11, & 9
Cheap Sewing Machines
Posted by Fabric For Quilts on 05/01/2009 at 06:54pm | permalink | Reply to this comment
So I think it's ironic that you think you're qualified to tell the public how to be a good mom and a CEO. Don't you think you have to actually be a good mom first?
I'm sorry but detailing your SEX LIFE, complete with dialogue about how you wanted some guy to go down on you and got pissed when he didn't bla bla bla is NOT OK. EVER.
I feel soo sorry and embarrassed for your kids.
You should know better.
And all the comments about how 'well this is how Penelope writes, she's just being honest' is just bullshit. Your children should not have to deal with having their mom's sexcapades detailed on this very public site. I understand that I have no authority and you can obviously do whatever you want, but think for a second about your kids.
Really think about your kids. Is the traffic worth it?
I highly doubt you'd get as much traffic if you left out your sex life details.
Posted by america on 05/02/2009 at 09:00am | permalink | Reply to this comment
I get it!
its all a constant juggling act and I am forever grateful that there are no winners or losers in juggling. Just participants!
I totally understand the violin instead of the couch, and the "forgetting" of the electric bill. Or being flush one day and scrambling the next. And the days on end of no sleep…
Just wanted to let you know that you are not the only one disguising the "falling apart" because you are so busy putting everything back together again.
Balls will be dropped, bills wont get paid and choices will be made in a split second. But at the end of the day, or in the case of this post, at the end of life i dont think the totality of balls dropped will equate to your chidlrens ruined lives.
If i thought that for one second, i would be getting more sleep, because i wouldnt spend all those extra hours trying each and every day!
Posted by ashlea on 05/02/2009 at 09:09am | permalink | Reply to this comment
hello P
I have it on good advice – from my bro and sister in law who have four boys – that schedules and life only get more hectic as the babes grow up ….
My kids are your kids ages I think – six and four – and the only way we manage it is having one of us home most of the time.
If we lived close I would be happy to share MIC with you and we could go all BIG LOVE and share the burden and the good times – my best to your life, living it your way, le
Posted by le on 05/03/2009 at 06:12am | permalink | Reply to this comment
You have a "house manager", an ex-husband, and still you can't manage to keep the lights on? Your start-up couldn't meet payroll–not such a great business model.
Why would anyone take advice from you, except to do the exact opposite of whatever you suggest?
Penelope, reading your advice is hilarious! I'll bet PB & J is banned at your kids' school, and you just don't know it.
Posted by Bart on 05/03/2009 at 05:17pm | permalink | Reply to this comment
This is going to sound mean. But you have a NANNY, a housecleaner, and a freaking HOUSE MANAGER, and you can't keep the 'lectricity on?
Why should we be listening to you for advice, again?
Posted by jennyg on 05/03/2009 at 10:18pm | permalink | Reply to this comment
Wow. You need help. :-) If you get that VC funding do you want to hire me? I'm a Gen Y'er (27) who ducks out early to take care of his kids and just went freelance.
Seriously, I wouldn't worry. I think the tips are good, especially about getting real sleep. You're honest with your kids (and us) and you give a shit about giving them a good life without running it for them.
My father lost more jobs than I've ever had, then came home and took it out on me. THAT screws a kid up.
I liked your reply about the finances. It's a give and take like everything else and sometimes it's weird, but it's what's right for you.
I'm just disappointed in the other comments where people are bitching about how you're shit because forgot to pay the bills. Life isn't fucking perfect. It's so far from it. I can only imagine the indelible dullness they experience under the delusion that perfection can be attained.
You sacrificed a couple days of electricity (short term) to buy your kid a violin to enrich his life (long term). How is that a bad thing?
Also, seriously, hire me. ;-)
Posted by Darcy Murphy on 05/03/2009 at 10:52pm | permalink | Reply to this comment
@jennyg: Penelope is not giving you household management advice. If she was billing herself as a "Guru on managing your household" you would have a point. But she's not.
Posted by Chris Mahan on 05/03/2009 at 10:58pm | permalink | Reply to this comment
"They will grow up wanting to work at the same job at the same company for 60 years because my unstable startup life made them crazy"
This is true. My mother had a schedule like yours, but not because of success. She always had a new job or supervisor, we moved a million times when I was a kid and I just got sick of all the crazy juggling.
Well, today as a grown up I have no kids no debt and are trying to get a govenment job. I lived your adult life but as a 5 year old boy through my teens. I think living that way just over a decade is long enough for anyone, child or adult. I just don't have the stamina to deal with all the stress and juggling. Your kids will RUN from the life you have showed them, unless they find the benefits of such a lifestyle rewarding. But since your little kid is already saying "mommy you always forget things", I doubt they will embrace your lifetysle choices as adults.
I am living proof of the outcome of such a parental situation.
Posted by boohoo on 05/04/2009 at 11:25am | permalink | Reply to this comment
Penelope – I recently started following you after a friend sent me the "David from Ada" post, which was one of the funniest things I have read in a while. I think you are whip smart funny – in that way that makes even the most awful day seem like a hilarious romp. And on top of that you make some good points. Today is the first time I have read the reader comments and I am reminded (once again, for about the 1000th time) of how very much some people hate smart, talented and funny women. And *especially* women who dare to work and have a life other than the OrganicJuneCleaver life. Keep it up!!! All the best to you.
Posted by Cindy on 05/05/2009 at 01:37pm | permalink | Reply to this comment
I wonder that you feel you can give advice to anyone when you make the choice to buy a new violin for your child (who already has one) before paying the electric bill. And if your standard of parenting is to just keep them from screaming I feel very sorry for your kids.
Why don't you just get a 9 to 5 job and provide some stability for your kids?
Posted by Mimsey on 05/05/2009 at 04:20pm | permalink | Reply to this comment
You are wrong on both points:
+Violins are like shoes. Kids outgrown them. Penelope clearly said that the old violin didn't fit anymore. And yes.. her kid will benefit far more (intellectually, culturally and emotionally)from having that violin than 'harmed' by having the lights turned out for one night.
+Having a traditional 9-5 job is one of the least stable things you can do for your kids right now. Those people are the ones who are facing lay-offs, or too scared to take time off to care for sick kids. Entrepreneurs and parents with non-traditional schedules are far better suited to weather this rocky economy +and+ deal with all the unavoidable mini-dramas of family life.
I feel sorry for kids who grow up with judgmental parents.
Posted by ka on 05/05/2009 at 11:52pm | permalink | Reply to this comment
Cindy,I think you are right about people being irked that Penelope is a successful woman. I try to imagine some of the negative comments being leveled at a man, and I just don't see it happening. And Organic June Cleaver. What an image. Shudder ….
Posted by Monique on 05/05/2009 at 10:15pm | permalink | Reply to this comment
You crack me up. I love laughing at myself and you take it to a higher level Penelope! I really look forward to reading your updates – so great to laugh at it all than to whine and get depressed. Makes it more manageable I guess. Thanks!!!!
Posted by MamaZen on 05/07/2009 at 12:20pm | permalink | Reply to this comment
Nice Reading.
thanks.
Sports Nutritionist
Sports Nutrition
Posted by Gavin on 05/08/2009 at 04:17am | permalink | Reply to this comment
P
Don't worry about the kids. I lost my car and everything I owned. I moved my familiy into government housing. Guess what, my kids (now in high school & college) frequently refer to the 'good old days' when they used to ride the city bus and walk everywhere. They laugh about the tinfoil on the TV rabbit ears, they joke about ketchup soup and thrift store clothes. If there is one thing I can promise you, kids love you, not your money.
Posted by Rich on 05/20/2009 at 07:26pm | permalink | Reply to this comment
I love the honesty of this post. But darling, violins can be rented (especially helpful when one's kid needs to move from 1/2 to 3/4 to full). And old violins and other stuff can be sold for $ to pay for the lights (yay house manager, give her the task). I especially appreciate the "you forget more than any other mommy". I suspect we all get that from the little buggers (at least I do).
Posted by Ann on 06/09/2009 at 09:52pm | permalink | Reply to this comment
Why is your son sleeping in your bed at 3 years old? Our daughter is 12 days and she's in her own basonette and will soon be in her own crib, in her room.
No wonder they have so much anxiety, you are really doing THEM a big disservice by sleeping in the same bed, my God. Do you need super nanny?
Posted by Dan on 06/15/2009 at 02:15pm | permalink | Reply to this comment
Oh Dan, Dan, Dan. Check in with us in 3 years and let us know how it's going when your child is mobile, and verbal, and headstrong, and you are tuckered out beyond your imagination. Or at least your wife is.
Posted by Cindy on 06/15/2009 at 02:33pm | permalink | Reply to this comment
Dan, as someone else suggested, please check back in in about 2-3 years and let us know. I have 3 kids (11, 7 and 3), the 3 year old used to sleep in his crib, in his own room until about a few months ago. We keep bringing him back to his bed, but he keeps coming back in our bed every night.
Posted by Ricardo on 12/01/2009 at 04:40pm | permalink | Reply to this comment
It is nice to see that I am not the only one that deals with the struggles of balancing work and a family. I get so caught up in what needs to be done at my business that I sometimes forget the family things that need to be done. Thanks for sharing!
Posted by Kinya on 11/01/2009 at 12:08am | permalink | Reply to this comment
I don't have kids. In fact, I really don't plan on having children because there is no way I could keep it all together. What I do need to hire is a wife :). That was sexist. Not a wife. A household manager sounds lovely.
Because frankly even as a single person, responsible for no one but my self and a dog – I had to do very strange things to make sure my dog was taken care of when I was working 85 – 90 hours a week or more, and traveling 60 – 90% of the time. For example, I lived with my grandparents for a bit and groveled to doggie daycares to still take my dog even though he didn't play nice with the other dogs :(. That probably sounds silly to all of you with children or 9 – 5 jobs where you punch your time card and go home with a star for the day. Or people that don't have a 110 pound dog. It probably sounds silly to everyone.
I think its hilarious that people have nice, neat, organized lives. It seems magical, because I have never experienced that.
Five years ago, I lived in Little Rock, AR and worked in Washington DC. A very long commute. My best friend was staying in my apartment for a clinical rotation. I had the reminder to pay the electric bill in my email, but it was buried under about 150 other emails that seemed a lot more important. Actually, I had several electric bills in my email. I'm sure they were in my real mail too, but I hate paper and mail. And probably threw them away or put them in a pile to be forgotten. I got a call from my friend because the electricity was out. To get it turned on that night it cost extra money, and she had to run around town finding a place to pay it. It was a mess.
I understand that I could have been more organized and should have used automatic bill payment. Or I could have just asked my friend to take care of it, since she was living there for free. But frankly none of those things were anywhere near the top of my to do list. I was too busy trying to remember when I had to be at what airport and trying to do a good job at work. I can not fathom adding little people that depended on me to that. My head would explode.
I really appreciate hearing stories about other people whose lives are messy :) Its not a bad thing, its just the way some people are.
And as for your kids – my parents are like me and several times they forgot to schedule the oil in our heater to be refilled before it went out. I don't really understand the kind of heater we had – we moved to that house when I was 15 and this is the first house we ever lived in where this was a necessity. But anyway, we lived in Indiana. It got cold for a night or two (because apparently these refills had to be scheduled in advance). But we were fine. It really wasn't that big of a deal. I still insisted on sleeping in my room in the basement – even though it was colder. I had a million blankets.
I have not stayed at one job at somewhere like GE or anywhere for 60 years. I started in public accounting (accounting for people w/ personalities and ADD) and left after 5 years to fail my first business attempt (well, the first one after college, there were more before that). I then took 6 months off to take care of my dying grandma. And now I'm onto the next business venture :). And I am temporarily broke. But that is because caring for grandmas w/ brain cancer doesn't pay well monetarily, but it does pay well in memories. :) OMG, that was the corniest thing I have ever written. And this is the longest blog comment ever written. That is a lot of records for one night.
Posted by Rachel on 12/11/2009 at 10:36pm | permalink | Reply to this comment