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Of all the Google searches that end up at my blog, the most common is some version of, "How do I tell my boss that I'm quitting." This seems to be a frequent topic at a lot of career sites; quitting well is a big issue.
A lot of the problems around quitting come from the abrupt shift in power. Before you quit, you are beholden to your boss. When you are quitting, you feel a surge in power as you let your boss know you're moving on to something better.
So really, quitting is about managing assertiveness. You want to be assertive enough to go find another opportunity for yourself, but not so assertive that you offend the person who has been a decent boss. So have humility and thankfulness, but add some choice words about what a great offer you took for your next job.
Assertiveness is a skill that people notice a lot in other people but we don't pay attention enough to in ourselves, according to Daniel Ames, professor of Columbia Business School. When it comes to quitting, it is easy to get overly assertive, as you become intoxicated with the idea that you don't need to please your boss any more. And it is easy to downplay the greatness of the next thing you do so as to not seem ungrateful for the job you are leaving. So it's natural to feel a little unsure in this situation.
The good news is that Ames says we can teach ourselves tactics for effective assertiveness. And since people in their twenties quit a job almost every year, quitting is a great way to learn these skills.
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Hi Penelope,
The hyperlink to "tactics for effective assertiveness" in the 2nd last line of your article doesnt seem to work.
Loved the rest of the article – it's a situation I may face very soon and the info is timely.
Keep up the great work.
Posted by Anuj on 08/01/2006 at 03:43pm | permalink | Reply to this comment
Oh drat. That was my big-money link, too — the link to the great research.
Anyway, I fixed the link. Thank you for letting me know, Anuj.
Posted by Penelope Trunk on 08/01/2006 at 09:11pm | permalink | Reply to this comment
What if your boss is not a decent boss, though? Do you say you should be more assertive then? What about going as far as pointing out all of the reasons for why you quit (respectfully, of course, but not holding any back)?
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If your boss is so awful that you have to quit then you can be sure your boss doesn't care why you're quitting. Don't bother explaining. You'll just burn a bridge. Why make the extra effort? You never know what will happen with that boss later in life. Maybe you will get help from him. Just leave and be gracious because people who are their best selves are gracious. Be your best self even if your boss isn't.
-Penelope
Posted by Charles on 07/21/2007 at 01:43am | permalink | Reply to this comment
I'm about to leave a company I've worked at for 5 years and had previously left before and came back. They have on occassion made a point to tell me what a key employee I am, and being the sensitive person that I am, this makes me feel bad about quitting. How should you handle the feelings of remorse that come along with quitting?? I'd really love to be able to drop him and email stating that I am quitting, but this is obviosuly not advisable–I just HATE conflict!! Any advice is much appreciated!
* * * * * * *
The reason that sending an email is lame is because it's insulting to the person you are quitting to. I say this becuase I think a lot of people quit via email not knowing that it is insulting. When you have been treated well by someone you should give them the courtesy of facing them when you thank them for giving you a good opportunity.
Part of life is saying goodbye. Learning to do it well is important for your psychological growth and wellbeing, and this is true of saying goodbye in all aspects of life, not just work.
Something that might make it easier to quit is to remember that you are not really that important to any organization. Sometimes we get a feeling that we will be hard to replace, but it's never really true. There are many many people who can do well in every job. If you did a good job, then your company will appreicate you, but no company will be left high and dry without you. Really.
So just show gratitude to the person who you are quitting to, and thank that person specificially for the things he or she gave you that were meaningful to you. Make the quitting about the other person, not you. That will soften the blow.
And good luck with your new job!
Penelope
Posted by Bryan on 08/27/2007 at 11:56pm | permalink | Reply to this comment
I'm 27 years old and I've been at my current retail job for three years. I started out in the lowest possible position as a seasonal, part-time employee. I gradually moved up, first in the full-time position (32-38 hrs/wk), and then as Assistant Manager. I have been in this position for over a year.
My boss is often very rude, unprofessional, and offensive; getting angry and yelling at me, as well as the other employees for little or no reason at all. We have recently had several employees quit, partly due to the fact that no one really wants to work for a boss like this. I have decided that I will be quitting very shortly, as well. My job is causing much stress in my life between being treated unfairly at work, and conflict at home because the holidays are a very busy time and I am not able to take time off to see family members. I didn't want to do it this way, but I now plan on quitting before the busiest time of the year so that I can visit relatives for the holidays. However, as badly as I've been treated at work, I still feel terribly about quitting during this time. There are few employees left who have been there long enough to really know what they're doing. I know that my boss will be extremely angry and I don't know quite how to go about telling her. Since I have been at the company for three years and am in the position of Assistant Manager (which is a more difficult position to fill), I plan on giving a 30 day notice instead of the typical 2 weeks. I am not only afraid of my bosses reaction, but am afraid that this month will be a virtual living hell for me.
Also, we have had the managers to several other stores in the company leave in the past few months and the District Manager recently called and asked me if I would be willing to relocate to a different state to become a store manager there. He understood the reasons that I declined (having recently purchased a house and wanting to be close to my parents). I like the DM and I feel the need to write a separate letter to him, letting him know how thankful I am that he considered me for the position and that I'm sorry for quitting at such an inconvenient time for the company, but I felt that I had to choose between my family and my job; and my family will always come first (a concept that is not known to my boss).
Basically, the main reason that I have decided to quit is because I don't feel that I need to go on being treated this way, but I don't really want to come out and say it because I want to do this in the nicest way possible.
My questions are, how do I gently break the news? With the busy time lasting from now through January, should I give a more generous month, or stick to the two weeks? And if she does react as badly as I think she will, should I simply tell her that I don't have to stay and I can leave right then?
I don't want to burn bridges, but I also don't plan on needing a good reference from her, considering that I would like to get out of retail completely.
Thank you for your time
(I hope you like to read!) :)
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Why are you giving 30 days instead of two weeks? I have no idea. You hate your boss and your company doesn't take action even though your boss is so bad that employees are quitting becuase of it.
Also, why do you need to write a letter to your boss's boss? Your boss's boss is supporting someone in the company who is mean and angry and horrible to work with.
The company does not value you enough for you to be spending this much time worrying about quitting. If your company valued you you wouldn't have to report to such a bad boss.
Just quit. No letter. No extra notice. If your boss screams about you quitting, walk out the door immediately and don't go back.
Penelope
Posted by Jwlz on 10/09/2007 at 08:40pm | permalink | Reply to this comment
I have been working for an attorney at a law firm for nearly six (6) years (he pays the firm every two weeks for my salary, etc. but I am considered his employee not one of the firm). I have not had a raise in 4 years and am actually making less money now than the last few years due to insurance increases. I am also entitled to two weeks of vacation per year, but because I do everything (i.e., filing, drafting motions, handling clients and courts) I can never take my vacation or even call in sick. Over the last several years he has promised me a raise but never comes through. Although he is a wonderful boss, I feel extremely let down and it has made me become resentful and burnt out. He has decided to part ways with the current firm and move on to a different firm taking me with him. The firm that we have worked at together for the last six years has offered me a nice pay increase to stay with them with yearly reviews and potential pay increases. I feel like if I accept this position I will betray him but at the same time I feel like if I pass up this opportunity I will betray my family. If I do decide to accept the position how would I go about addressing same with my boss? PLEASE HELP!
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You are trying to decide between your boss who has screwed you over and your family? Is this for real? And, on top of that, this is not personal. It's not your boss or your family. It's business. It's your career. Your boss stinks. He's a dead end. The firm sees your value. Go where people value you.
–Penelope
Posted by Dallas Girl on 10/23/2007 at 04:05pm | permalink | Reply to this comment
I want to thank you, Penelope, for answering my question. I have decided to give the normal two weeks (instead of 30 days) and do exactly as you said. My boss was recently extremely rude to me and then had the nerve to tell me that I was being snippy with her. It put me over the edge. I will let her know that I'm going to leave and if she throws a fit, I don't even have to stick around for those two weeks. I will be giving my notice in just a few days and I'm so glad that I will no longer be treated this way.
Thanks again for your input. It's always nice to have the support of others.
Posted by Jwlz on 10/29/2007 at 04:29pm | permalink | Reply to this comment
I need some advice about this situation – I have been working for a small company for about three months – the pay is minimal, no benefits, and disrespectful bosses. I have interviewed for a job with the state (great pay, great benefits, a better for me) and now have to do a longer assessment and another interview for the job. Should I go ahead anad tell my current boss what I am doing, though I think she will fire me on the spot? Or just fudge the reasons for the time off (without pay) until I get a firm offer? I hate fudging, but I also don't want to be in the position of losing the job and not getting the second one.
Thanks!
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You absolutely should not tell a boss you are taking time off to interview for another job. Don't tell a boss you are looking for another job until you tell your boss you are quitting becuase you have an offer.
You do not need to give your boss a reason for taking personal time off. You have the right to ask for time off and you have the right to keep the reason to yourself. You can say, "I'd like time off to deal with a personal issue." That's all.
-Penelope
Posted by Jo Sprouse on 11/01/2007 at 11:47am | permalink | Reply to this comment
I once quit my job by cake. I had a cake made that said "I quit" on the top of it in icing. It was done out of sarcasim, however, the boss seemed to think it was a sweet gesture….go figure.
Posted by Ornate pelt on 12/27/2007 at 10:33am | permalink | Reply to this comment
I am interviewing for another job and the application has a release form for references. Should I tell my boss? If I don't get the job I plan on staying at my current position so I don't want to put myself in a bad situation. But I don't want to shock her with a call from them… Can I ask in the interview for them not to call?
Posted by Travis on 01/14/2008 at 04:38pm | permalink | Reply to this comment
I have been working at this office of about 6 months. I sometimes have good days there but on the other hand when it get busy there or if someone is out or if you are covering for someone. Like the girl who is on materanity leave.Who has not called to say she is coming back.I just feel like I am always being rushed to the point. That I make mistakes. I think that people should take a little extra time to prevent mistakes instead of rushing and making double the work or even triple the work. My employee is always asking me what I am doing or if I am done with something that she just gave me.It stresses me out. Because when I started there I did not know the girl I was working with was pregant. I was suppose to be her assistant.Now she is gone and the boss thinks that everything should be done all in one day in a rush or if not sooner.Then you get treated like a child when there is a mistake. Laking 1 person and when other people go on vaca bothers me because all in general I try me best to get as much done as possible. And no one even me recognizes me for it.Should I stay? I am not sure.
Posted by Tammy on 02/11/2008 at 08:22pm | permalink | Reply to this comment
Hello..I am finally leaving a very stressful job. The job never had to be so stressful, but the boss lacks very important social and communication skills. Most days, it's grumpy, angry, quiet, and of course I'm supposed to know what she's thinking. One problem is that she never cared to really train me, so I learned most of it by getting yelled at, or having another co-worker tell me I'm wrong (in a not so nice tone). I learned quickly, but the boss still has a problem with giving a "blanket" yelling to anyone that happens to be there. I have stayed 2 1/2 years, but it's time to go. Now, a nice girl has come to replace me and the boss wants ME To train her. I am giving a 2 1/2 month notice, but find myself being her teacher, while the boss/owner says nothing. It's not the girl's fault that she's new, and I think it's only fair that someone shows her the ropes, but I also feel my boss is using me to do her job. Do you think it's wrong to leave earlier than this notice I gave? I'm not normally difficult, but feel that I want to be out from this. Any input? Thanks.
Posted by Katt on 02/14/2008 at 08:55am | permalink | Reply to this comment
Most likely they are only using you to train the new person and dont really care about you. 2 1/2 months is too much notice. The company should have processes or training in place for this. 2 weeks should suffice, unless you have some other stipulation related to your position. Managers and directors are required to give 4 weeks notice at my company, but the only real thing they can do is not pay out vacation time….figure out what its worth to you to stay that extra 2 months…
Posted by Steve on 05/27/2009 at 06:21pm | permalink | Reply to this comment
Should I quit if I feel that my boss started to hate me. She crossed out work that I drafted to her for a review and rewrote them herself. I heard that she fired many people before and also so many others quit because they did not like to work with her. Many say my boss is kinds of evil as she never admires when one does a good job (as if she thinks it's normal and every single one can do so)but when she finds work that is unfavorable to her, she blames fiercely like you've just done the most stupid things in the world. She even says, for example, "dont show your idiocy even if you are an idiot".
Well, I do not feel good being with her and want to quit today or tomorrow but the problem is I still do find another job and also i have responsibility to take care of my parents who now retired.
Thank you for your suggestion.
Posted by Buggy on 02/26/2008 at 12:52pm | permalink | Reply to this comment
Hi,
I just wanted to leave a comment to say that you absolutely should not give more than a two week notice when leaving a stressful job. Since I gave my notice, my boss and supervisor have started being really mean to me, and have also given me the cold shoulder. Oh well. I'm moving on and they can't stop me. I guess they're upset because the busy period is about to begin. But they should have thought of that before undermining my abilities and trying to diminish my intelligence.
Thanks for letting me rant.
Posted by Sara B. on 10/09/2008 at 07:27am | permalink | Reply to this comment
Hi,
I've been at a firm for just 5 months now. The work is extremely boring and I know there is no career to make out of it. I have this offer from a company i have always wanted to work with, but who are have not yet given me a specific Date of Joining. Now I am in a dilemma whether to tell my current employer that I ahve an offer and I have time till they tell me the DoJ or wait till i have the confirmed date? Also another thing is that I have signed the generic offer letter there. I am really confused and hope you can help me out. And I am kind of feeling guilty too about all of this though god only knows why!
Please help me think this over. Looking forward for your reply.
-Troubled.. :(
Posted by bunny on 11/17/2008 at 04:30am | permalink | Reply to this comment
I am about to leave my job of 2 years. I like my job but I want more for my future. I am a single mother of a beautiful 3 year old little girl. I don't have benefits and I don't make enough money to be financially stable and move out of my apartment into a bigger place. I enrolled in a nursing program which the classes are during the day.I know me and my daughter would greatly benefit from it. I have a great relationship with my boss and I do not want to leave on bad terms. I'm not sure how to go about this. I just hope he understands that I'm thinking of my future. What should I do? Thank You so much for your help
Posted by Kay on 01/07/2009 at 03:35pm | permalink | Reply to this comment
Hi my name is John,
I completly understand what you are going through. I am going through pretty much the same thing. I am trying to tell a teacher who happens to be a friend that I won't be taking his class next year and I am wondering how to do it. I just wanted to compare our issues, good luck with yours and if you have help for me please help, thanks.
Posted by John on 02/22/2009 at 12:38pm | permalink | Reply to this comment
Based on the great relationship you have with your boss, I would speak with them about flex time or some other arrangement. Perhaps time off to take 1 or 2 classes a week, or come in early, take the class, then leave late. It is difficult being an only parent, so that may be difficult considering child care.
Posted by Steve on 05/27/2009 at 06:38pm | permalink | Reply to this comment
I've worked at an establishment for just 5 weeks and after the first day I had a uncomfortable feeling about the place.Anyway the treatment I see my co workers getting (which is garbage) as well as myself I have found something else to move on to.When I go to my boss to give my notice of 1 week because I'm required ASAP at my other (better) place of employment.I'll be diplomatic but don't feel comfortable going into great detail as I don't want to get barked at.I'll just say I'm moving on to something better and to avoid conflict of interest will no way say where I'm going to ,even if asked.I know my notice isn't 2 weeks, I know there is no law saying you have to give any notice, I'm just trying to be courteous ,of course if it isn't taken very well I guess I'll just punch out and never return.Does this sound ok? anything I should add or take out?
Posted by Chris on 03/07/2009 at 11:39pm | permalink | Reply to this comment
Hi,
This may be a bit premature, as I have no yet lined up a new job and I do not plan to quit my current job until I do, but just the thought of having the conversation with my boss terrifies me.
I work at a small (very small, only 4 people) company. I started out as an intern and for the past year I've worked full time. My only other co-worker is going on maternity leave this summer, and I would take over her responsibilities until she returns. They're thinking about hiring someone part-time to help me out while she's gone.
My problem is that my boss and I are friends. I spend more time with him than anyone else as we are the only 2 who work in the office. I'm become a sort of personal assistant to him too. During good times, I would find quitting hard to do, but considering the next few months are extremely busy , I am just ridden with guilt.
My question is, when the time comes that I find my next opportunity and I have to quit, how do I break the news without damaging my professional and personal relationship with my boss?
Thanks.
Posted by A on 05/05/2009 at 12:25pm | permalink | Reply to this comment
Hello! I am ready to quit! I come from a background of 7 years of working at home in the medical field. Well, an in-house hospital job came along and I took it and I've hated it ever since (been here 6 months). A few weeks ago, I inquired about the part-time position they had open in my department. I currently work second shift, but the part-time is days and would still give me insurance, etc. I was told it JUST got filled that day – ok fine. No problem. 2 days later, my boss called me into a hallway and told me she didn't "appreciate my attack" on her about going part-time and that I had cost her precious sleep and made her physically ill about it.
I now have some time off this week and next and I know I am going to find an at-home job in that time frame. Since I return back to work on a Wednesday, but want to give 2-weeks' notice, should I make a special trip into work on Monday to let her know I am giving full notice? Yes, this boss does scare me a little bit, and after "attacking" her like that, I'm HIGHLY nervous and keep freaking out about how/when to quit! This is a job that in the future may send people home to work, so I don't want to burn any permanent bridges by just quitting on the spot, but I do need to get out of here.
EVERY reason I had for not wanting to work in-house has happened: politics, drama, evil people, etc you name it.
Thanks!!
Posted by Diana on 06/14/2009 at 07:50am | permalink | Reply to this comment
Hi, im 17 years old and i have a part time job while still in highschool. Im starting grade 12 next year and i just dont know how to tell my manager that i need to quit once September starts. Schools getting harder and harder, and with the courses i have (math, chemistry, biology..etc…)
It requires hours of homework each day. My manager is nice, im just a little intimidated by her. I really really need the guts to just tell her. I get nervous when talking to her and i cant imagine myself telling her im quitting. I wrote a resignation letter today and she wants us to tell her now if we are quitting in september. By september i will be working there for a year.
How do i tell her verbally? I know i will ask to speak to her in private and once we're in the office im not sure how im gona say it all!!! (this is my first job)
Posted by Amy on 06/16/2009 at 03:58pm | permalink | Reply to this comment
Dont forget that although she is your boss, she's human too. Dont get too worried about telling her the situation, as good bosses are understanding about that. Your education is most important. Im 40 and just recently gave my 3 weeks notice, and it doesnt really get any easier. Definitely write up the resignation letter…there are good templates out there for that. Be sure to thank them for the opportunity and let them know what date is your last day at work.
Posted by Steve on 06/17/2009 at 11:52pm | permalink | Reply to this comment
Thank you so much i really needed some advice.
Posted by Amy on 2009-06-18 09:15:40 | (Comments wont nest below this level)
Hey. Ive just started working working at this office and i think my manager is bipolar.
She has moments where she blows up at me but then there are others where she's crying and thanking me for helping because i relieve the stress she's under. we've grown rather close, but i dont know what to say to her.
i've written a letter but i want to also say it to her face.
im looking for exact wording or maybe a line or two to use.
for example,"we need to talk?"
Posted by Natasha on 06/22/2009 at 08:21pm | permalink | Reply to this comment
Hello
I have been at my job for 10 months. I work in Washington dc because last year my now ex and I moved to DC. I moved to Maryland and the commute is very long. I work at a coffee shop, and I have gotten a .75 raise (making my pay 8.75 and hour plus tips). I really do not like it there one bit, nothing ever changes. Communication skills are lacking, and the manager is not doing her job. There are other little aspects that annoy me about working in a coffee shop pertaining health. I also do not get along with everyone I work with. I work with a 70 year old woman who works the bean counter, who used to be the manager so we complain back and fourth about the place. The other day she verbally attacked me because I had a seering headache and my shoulder hurt so bad I could move my arm so I had to leave early. She called me a crybaby and other names and now I do not feel comfortable around her.
I have gotten an interview to work as a Nanny, which is my passion, in Maryland where I live now. It would pay 100 a day four days a week and it would open plenty of doors for me because I would be able to get a care also.
Here is my question: If I get this new job, I want to quit my current one but I am not traveling 2 hours into DC just to quit. I would like to call, even though I know that is probably not protocol. I would like to have some help with what I should say and how to keep my cool. I have butted heads with my manager on several occasions. Another thing, Is that my manager does like when we call her at home because her boyfriend works nights and he needs to sleep. If I get this job Monday, I will have to call the store, and talk to my co-worker who is playing part manager. He would have to tell my manager, but I do not think this is a good idea, but if it is the only thing that works, I am willing to do it. Can you please offer me some advice?
ready to move on in md
Posted by Katrina on 07/17/2009 at 12:25pm | permalink | Reply to this comment
Hi. Right now I am at a petstore where I am working less than 20 hours a week. I've been there for about a year. I have this boss who is very nasty and sarcastic to people. I've graduated from college receiving my bachelors degree in animal science. The reason why I am working at this store is because I got laid off from a company due to the economy. With this new boss, I've tried explaining to her that I have my degree, I have a daughter and a husband to support.I need to be a full time worker making more than just eight dollars and hour. I've even explained to her that I was behind in my rent due to this reason and that I was about to get evicted because I was not working enough hours nor was Igetting paid enough to match my bills. The boss even refused to train me on the cash register in order for me to get more hours. I only take care of animals and that's it. I've never made employee of the month since I've been there (Let me remind you that I am the only black woman on the job). I work my ass off and do more than the company expects of me and as soon as a white person is hired, they are automatically employee of the month a week after they are trained. I am never recognized for my work. I've talked to this boss over and over and she just showed me that she didn't care. Now yesterday she found out that I've applied to another job about 3 months ago. She asked me was I looking for a new Job and I told her not at the moment because around the time that she asked me, I really wasn't but now I am. She treated me as if I never even existed. She's already upset because She found out that one person has an interview and she tried to work with the girl, which is one of her favorites. Now she is pissed at me. She walks around slamming doors, ignoring me and huffing when I ask her questions. She's even been rude to me in front of customers but this was before she found out about me applying to somewhere else. I told her that I wasn't applying anywhere at the moment because she is the type of boss that will try to lessen my hours even more in order to get me to quit. I know because she's done that to someone else in the company. She told me herself but it had nothing to do with them finding another job. Was I wrong in this case?
Posted by Tia on 07/17/2009 at 08:25pm | permalink | Reply to this comment
hey, i have been in my job now for just 2months, and is not a bad job i quite enjoy it and the people i work with, but i am planning to go back to the place i was before, and i having a hard time deciding what i should do, i have only been in my job for 2months and i feel bad, and i dont want to tell them where i am moving to, but feel like they will ask to many questions, i dont no what to do!!!
Posted by kz on 08/10/2009 at 04:54pm | permalink | Reply to this comment