3 Things you need to know about people with Aspergers
I’m going to ignore the fact that the DSM no longer includes Asperger’s as a diagnosis. Asperger’s remains a useful way to categorize people with very low social skills and very high IQ — and a high rate of manic-depression and suicide. It’s useful to separate out these people in order to help them. It’s like separating out people who have a gene for breast cancer. There are things you can do to make their lives better.
My son and I have Asperger’s so I am constantly thinking of how to help both of us better fit into the world. Here are three things that stand out to me.
1. To get along with someone who has Asperger’s, look closely at that annoying car.
You know when you’re on the highway and everybody moves along like a ballet – merging, exiting, changing lanes. There’s moving over for a truck. There’s moving away if you’re blocking someone who wants to go faster than you. There are all kinds of unwritten rules we adhere to in order to not run each other over.
The Asperger car is the one on cruise control at exactly the speed limit. Technically, that’s what everyone is supposed to do, but there are a million scenarios where if you refuse to slow down or speed up, you actually make everyone else’s life hell.
But there’s no way to tell that annoying car, “Hey, you’re breaking the law,” (because they’re not) and you can’t tell them, “Hey, you’re being inconsiderate,” (because they’ll say, “Well, that merging car could have slowed down until I got by.”) You can’t tell that car, “Hey, there are some unwritten rules you’re not paying attention to.” (They’ll say like what? And then they will argue.)
So there’s no way to tell the annoying car they’re annoying because they actually don’t understand the concept of annoying. They only understand the concept of right and wrong. People with Asperger’s have an intense need to do the right thing the right way. But often they fail to see what that is: Am I doing the speed limit? I’m right.
2. People with Asperger’s don’t have friends.
Someone with Asperger’s doesn’t feel a huge need to connect on an emotional level with lots of different people. They might think they are connecting emotionally. But it’s not how other people do it.
Like, the Asperger father who never called to say he loves you, or the Asperger girlfriend who disappears for five days because she didn’t know you would expect her to be there. It’s a friend who never calls or emails because they don’t see communication as part of a friendship.
There are a million different ways people with Asperger’s inadvertently isolate themselves from the world of friendship, but suffice it to say that while people with Asperger’s have lots of depression and lots of anxiety, you’ll rarely hear them say they need more friends.
People with Asperger’s want one friend. The problem is that in adult life your one friend has to be your spouse. So if you know you have Asperger’s you need to focus carefully on finding a spouse. Theoretically, this should be easy because high IQ and good looks go hand in hand, and the definition of Asperger’s includes higher IQ.
The thing that keeps most people with Asperger’s from finding a mate is understanding they need one. People with Asperger’s understand the theoretical need for a date for the prom. They understand theoretical desire for sex. They understand the concept of everyone has a house and kids and they don’t, but they don’t understand the leap you make to get there – you have to actually want to be close to one person.
It’s overwhelming to be close to people. A lot of people with Asperger’s who are married sleep in separate beds or have sex with minimal physical contact but you need to find the thing that’s going to work for you so you can have that one intimate relationship. Otherwise, you’ll get older and realize everyone is paired off and there’s no room for you to have your best friend, because adult life best friends are spouses.
3. Asperger’s is actually a workplace issue.
If you have a high IQ and low social skills it means you’re generally right and you generally don’t notice when you’re wrong. So life is pretty good, not for the people around you, but for you, if you can just go with that.
The problem is people need to be connected in the world to feel useful. It’s no fun to be right about everything if you can’t also be useful about what you’re right about. So people with Asperger’s need jobs, and people with poor social skills get fired.
There are a few ways to think about getting a job. One is that a job can be a break from the overly sensory aspects of the world. You can get a job where everything is the same. Your job is repetitive, nobody bothers you and the office is quiet. For some people this type of job would make them kill themselves. For someone with Asperger’s this job is like a vacation. Think DMV, court reporting, librarian, or even retail.
I spent most of my 20s doing retail, and though I didn’t know I had Asperger’s, I knew I adored my job. I had the books in every section of the bookstore memorized. I knew every publisher of every book. I loved the monotony of shelving books alphabetically day after day. Even the customer contact was lovely. They would only ask me questions about my narrow bookstore topics or sometimes ask for change. This is the type of job that is perfect for someone with Asperger’s.
The reason we stop doing these jobs is because we’re ashamed of having such a high IQ and enjoy doing jobs that don’t require high IQ. So part of getting along in the world with Asperger’s is accepting that not everybody has to have a high IQ job just because they have a high IQ.
The other thing you can do with work if you have Asperger’s is specialize. People with Asperger’s are obsessive. If you can find a way to get paid for what your obsession is, then your employability is secure even though your social skills are not.
Don’t kid yourself that typical Asperger’s specialties are useful. Memorizing air travel minutia, train schedules, military formation, Pokemon decks: You cannot monetize these fetishes. Memorize stuff other people with Asperger’s are unlikely to gravitate to, like the characteristics of Generation Y. Then people respect your work.
Really, I have a feeling that what gave me the ability to bridge from a quirky writer to a marketable writer was focusing obsessively on Generation Y. Nobody could memorize the facts as fast as I did, and because they were all in my head I could synthesize them faster than everybody else and come up with trends. It gave me a key advantage in my career that separated me from the typical career paths of unemployable people with Asperger’s.
When people say to me, “I have someone in my life who has Asperger’s. What can I do to help them?” my first thought, no matter what age they are, is that the person with Asperger’s needs to understand that they need a life partner and they need a job. The high rates of anxiety, depression, and suicide in the Asperger population come from not having these two things. It doesn’t matter if you get paid a lot. It doesn’t matter if you have kids. It doesn’t matter if you make enough money to live on your own. You just need those two things: a life partner and a job.
When going to school,and then when entering the workforce,I found that people who liked,or tried to like me early on,soon grew tired of me and as an Aspie(though I didn’t know what it was then,let alone knew I had it)I could never piece together where I was going wrong. I looked like Gerry Beckley off the band America in the day and when perfectly attractive girls asked me out,I refused as I was either unaware,afraid or just not ready for where it may lead me. Once I felt I was ready for any kind of relationship I discovered I was hopeless at dating and just couldn’t carry a conversation.
Men like me just shouldn’t bother with NT women as they just don’t want Bill Gates or Julian Assange-they want the tattooed buffoon at the bar who gets into fights. I can’t compete with that and never will. They can have eachother.
As an Australian who lives in the middle of nowhere in the country,I’m happy to just enjoy my interests-DVD’s,classic planes and 60’s music. I read a lot and do a lot of cycling.being married would get in the way of that. There are women who are concerned about my eternal single status-yet they’d never have me themselves.
I’d happily enter into a relationship-with an Aspie woman-but only to do things together such as watch footy,go to movies and stay once a week for you know what,but I couldn’t have her living in my house. I just need my space.
NT women can’t sort of….stand me but really its just as well. A marriage to one of them would be completely miserable.
Some people with aspergers DO feel a HUGE need to connect but often other people don’t realise that the things they are doing to try and connect feel bad to some people with aspergers! Also why would they want to connect when often they have to face the distress & disappointment of missed cues & misunderstandings in BOTH directions; the person with aspergers misinterpreting AND the non-aspergers person misinterprating!
Incredible and informative read. Thank you much!
When it was first suggested that I may have AS,I was incredibly depressed( no that couldn’t be me,I’m a normal,average guy),but I soon concluded that it finally solved the mystery. I was told what nobody else could tell me in thirty years. I have not done a whole lot about it,but I’ve since made a point to engage eye contact and listen when people speak.
I’m no longer a weird NT-I’m an average Aspie.
I’d like to join a support group but don’t know what to say when I make the phone call. ‘Hello I’m an Aspie-how can you help me?’.
I do need to do something as I just can’t mix it with the ‘normals’ and need to be among others who are like me. Yes,I’m boring,rude and nerdy so I need to meet others that fit that description.
I am 29 and have only just been diagnosed with aspergers a year ago,but my jobs have always been difficult as any public exposure is.firstly a manic customer service job was great when I was younger as I grew up doing acting and could act up in public situations really well (this is a subtype of an aspie-the actor) .It’s draining but it helped me through.I then became obsessed with diet and exercise and lost 8 stone and got a job as a personal trainer which was great as It was something I knew lots about but what I found was; when you have an obsession that brings you out of urself it then after a while became neutral and you get bored so working is great but I think more awareness is needed in management maybe.I daren’t tell ppl now because the last two ppl I told completely changed how they were with me and one didn’t even tell me when he left incase I couldn’t cope with the change.I am currently unemployed and waiting for a new job to start but I have no stimuli and feel am going doo lally,I agree part time work is a must with aspergers as the social exposure is a great way to see how the rest of the world acts.pls comment ppl I’m open to any help or advice on how to handle live better with aspergers as I’m only recently diagnosed
Hello! I found this article tremendously helpful. I have been going out with this incredibly smart guy for more than 4 months now.We only meet once a week and though we talk about everything from work to family I still feel like I don’t know him at all. I noticed from the beggining that something was odd. Like he seems very excited when we meet or are about to meet but the rest of the week is like he just dissappear of the map. If I text him, he barely text back or takes hours to reply unless (and I learned this) I make a question, then he will text back. If I call he doesn’t answer and I know because of his type of work he is tremendously busy and may not be able to answer but he always call back and the first thing he ask is if I’m ok which makes me think he cares. Though to be honest sometimes it feels like he is like reading a scrip, like he doesn’t know how to act or what to say when I talk about feelings and he act tremendously cold and I would say even rude. He is very sweet and polite so I started reading a lot about aspergers and I’m 99.99 % sure he has it. He barely has friends, and the few he has are females, doesn’t want kids which is ok with me because I don’t either and he seems unable to commit to a relationship because he said he was hurt in the past. His place is absolutely inmaculate, almost like a hotel room and shows some degree of OCD which I recognize because I have OCD too. I really will apreciate any help and advice I can get from all of you. I really care a lot about him and I don’t want to lose him. Some days I’m super happy because I hear from him, then he dissappear for several days and I don’t hear about him until our weekly day out and until then I feel sad and I would say even depressed though I try to keep myself occupied but I miss him. His job is the most important thing for him and I totally understand it since he is a professional that needs all the concentration on what he does but I still feel left behind. When I talk about emotions and feelings I totally see in his face that he is lost, with a blank expression in his face and I can see his brain spinning around until finally he answer with some rude or hurtful comment that many people would call brutal honestly. Then later, when I think maybe he realizes that I’m hurt or that I may change my opinion of him because of what he said, he try to pull me back with some sweet comment. I don’t want to lose him at all, and I want to be very close to him but I have to admit that I have no idea how to do this because I don’t want to overwhelm him or make him feel I’m too on top of him. I know people with aspergers needs their down time and be left alone for a while and I try to do that all week long until the day we weekly meet again. This is really hard for me and I feel dragged to my phone and if not every day, every other day I feel the need to send him a short text just wishing him a good day or something like that just because I miss him and at the same time I don’t want him to see me like needy. He has expressed from the beginning that didn’t want anything serious but little by little he points out things like “we are this or that type of couple…” or “next year we should do this or that…”and I was in shock few weeks ago because due to work we missed one of our weekly dates or go out or however you want to call it. Anyways we normally see each other once a week and it was already 10 days since we went out though we exchanged a very short couple of text, so he called me out of no where, and I said out of no where because I’m always the one iniciating communication and in the middle of a work related conversation he paused and said ” I miss you”. I was really in shock and I could not believe that came out from him. He is so honest that sometimes it hurts to hear the truth coming out that way, and I know he is right most of the times but you know, normal people we are more subtle and try to look for many different ways to say things so we don’t hurt anybody. He just say what he thinks, take it or leave it and I notice he is not trying to hurt anybody or be rude, it is just the way he is. I know he has other female friends and at the beggining of going out he was seeing those friends more, I asked him recently if he still goes out with those “friends” and he said no and that the only girl he thinks about is me. It really made me feel very good of course to hear that but in the other hand he doesn’t show to give me the type of attention other guys would. I think we are good friends but everytime we part ways after going out he always says “it was good to see you” what really kills me because I think he try to be very affectionate saying that and for me it sounds just something someone would say just to be polite. It’s like he doens’t really know what to say or in what moment to say it.
Please help, I don’t know what to do to get closer to him and I don’t want to loose him or make him leave me because as I said I don’t want to overwhelm him. I know he is attracted intelectually and physically to me but I still don’t feel the close connection than normal couples have like I’m really missing the communication part you know, the calls, or text and more signs of afection though he is really sweet and shows attention when we are not in public. It’s like he is a big puzzle and don’t get me wrong, I love puzzles and I’m super interested from the beggining in trying to solve this though I’m learning that this puzzle doesn’t have a solution. I just have to learn how to deal with it to be close to each other.
Thank you, thank you and more thank you to all of you that can provide any help!!!!
Your story sounds so similar to mine Alisa. I’m sorry to hear you are going through the same thing. The man I love also only sees me once a week, says lovely things but then feels like he needs to discredit them the next day or a few days later though. It’s hard I know. (Hopefully it’s not the same guy lol)
Thanks for your post! I have aspergers and have been misdiagnosed with anorexia.. But my son also has it! We have very high IQ’s but still have problems socializing and I sometimes just feel like crying bc I never received any help and I don’t even know where or how to help him. It’s makes me sad to see him struggle and get upset because he is not chosen for something or other kids pick on him because he is so smart but can’t speak properly.. But the same way and still get my feelings hurt when my spouse picks on me and I don’t know if he is serious.. I have to ask him.. And he wi say he is just picking but I’m still hurt. And I also have a problem of letting things go once I’ve been hurt.. I feel like I’m useless because I can’t find a job because I don’t socialize well and my interests are really out of this world!! There are things I don’t understand about myself and get caught on asking myself over and over why? But thanks for your poSt it really helped a lot !!
Sweetheart, you’re not going to help yourself listening to ignorant self-hating garbage like this pose – look for resources like the Autism Women’s Network, ThAutcast, Karla’s ASD Page, and other pages that support neurodiversity rather than treating us autistic people like we’re broken.
Thank you for this. I often feel misunderstood in a high functioning world, and am often accused of underreacting in extreme circumstances, and over reacting at what others see as nothing. Life gets so frustrating. In my household myself and my 2 sons live with the condition. We enjoy a silent understanding, and suffer no problems with each other, but the rest of the world just feels alien.
So frustrating: Every time I come here to check out comments what I hear is passivity. It’s the Asperger person’s fault; no one questions the validity of “the system” of diagnosis and treatment! No one questions the awful behavior of Neurotypicals, not only toward Aspies and other “different” humans, but toward each other. I DO question this entire mess, and have done a lot of thinking and research.
No one has to just sit there and let Neurotypicals walk all over you.
I’m with you . Compared with us,NT’s take more risks,are unreliable, are more likely to speed in their car,get into fights,be cruel to animals and argue and shout more,yet its us that have a ‘disorder’.
A friend of mine first suggested to me that I may have Aspergers a year ago. He gave me a book on the subject to read to ‘discover the real me’. On the cover was a gawky looking woman in her 20’s with glasses-she looked like a female undertaker!! I wanted to just drive my car off a cliff. I was told I was ‘unusual’. Yes,I didn’t have a lot of friends,and no girlfriend,but I put that down to being too lazy to go out. He said no….people find you weird and a tad rude. I was shocked. I just didn’t know.
I then did what I guess most Aspies do…….went online and got as much info as possible. I was desperate to know if any famous people had it. When I found out-my mind was imediately put at ease. I later discovered my father,grandfather and nephew also have it. A female relative on mum’s side also has it-So I’ve got relatives on both sides with the ‘disorder’.
Would I change who I am? No I wouldn’t.
This has been extremely interesting. I have also read all comments.
I am that person who is in love with an Aspie man I met through work.
I have only recently asked him if he thinks he has Asburger and he says he doesn’t know. We have known each other 18 or so months now and he has known if my love for him for a year.
He was very gentle and kind to me from the day we met. I had a major emergency operation less than 2 months of us meeting (he was my new manager). 3 days after the surgery he was sitting next to my hospital bed.
I have been through a lot if emotional pain with him. He drains the energy out of me. He says he has never been in love, will not sleep in the same bed as a woman, doesn’t want a relationship etc
The difference with this man from what I’ve experienced with NT relationships is that my ex would tell me he loved me but treated me like he hated me.
The Aspie man tells me he doesn’t love me but acts like he does. It’s very confusing.
We have only become intimate in the last couple of months (finally) and he looks at me like he is in love, says the most beautiful things to me every time but then during the week he has a rage at me or completely devalues me and tells me I’m not special to him, and that he is only doing this for me as he doesn’t need or want sex.
He tells me he has turned down hundreds if women and doesn’t know why it’s me but he has chosen me even though it won’t go anywhere because he wants nothing from me.
I have been so so kind, loving and patient with this man, I have given him a year of my life so far and I want children (I’m 35) he is 38. I love him but what do you please think the chances of him having an epithamy are???? Please help. I’m worn out but in love.
I think my partner has asperges, it describes him so well. I know he has issues but he finds it to hard to tell me what it is. I love him to bits and want to do whatever I can to help him. This article has helped but I wonder if it be better for him to read this :(.
Wow, this article has some pretty wild generalisations! People with high IQs are generally right? haha whoever wrote this doesn’t seem to have spent much time in an academic environment, because I’m sure if this was true then academics and researchers wouldn’t spend so much time arguing.
Also the statement that for an adult you one close friend has to be your spouse… what utter rubbish. Amatonormativity at it’s worst. As an aromantic asexual aspie this makes me both very angry and very sad.
So happy to read some other Aspies getting “feisty” over how we’re talked ABOUT, rarely TO; all the ignorant beliefs circling the Internet, and psychology sites too. I’m po’d personally and for Aspies in general. What’s most outrageous to me is that Neurotypicals (I’ve changed to calling them Social Typicals) think they know everything and can’t comprehend that they don’t. Yikes! It’s scary.
I am a 31 year old male, diagnosed with Asperger’s several years ago by a leading Australian expert. The only point of yours that I feel I must expand upon is your insistence on a life partner.
For four years now I have felt a sustained emotional fulfilment through my own kind of life partner –
an English Cocker Spaniel dog.
She makes her feelings known clearly.
She is consistent with just the right amount of surprise.
She forces me to walk her, and it allows me to practice socialising with people in a fleeting, non-committal way.
She sleeps next to me every night and
smells better than any of my previous girlfriends.
It was through my her that I first lucidly recognised the emotion of ‘love’ which the neuro-typical seems so preoccupied with.
I have stopped searching because I have found the one for me. When she dies I will get another to keep my sanity on this strange floating rock they’ve called Earth.
To other people on the Autism spectrum, and to their family members, please do not underestimate the power of a pet with regards to Autism.
from Sam in Melbourne, Australia.
I too have found no need for a life partner; I have two dogs that communicate with me, and I with them. I find the nonverbal (I do talk to them) transfer of affection preferable to any arduous and pointless social exchange. Coincidentally, a friend describes her dog as autistic because it freaks out if anything new is brought into the house or if anything is moved out of its usual place.
Hi!
.
I was surprised to see your initial comment about the DSM no longer including Asperger’s as a diagnosis. I believe it’s been “moved” (in the DSM5) to be found under the umbrella of Autism. Please check out the link below, and let me know if I’m missing something. Thank you for your article!
.
“The familiar “Asperger’s,” along with some similar disorders, will be lumped together under autism spectrum disorder, “to help more accurately and consistently diagnose children with autism,” the APA said in a statement…” from an article with a kind-of misleading title…:
http://www.cbsnews.com/news/aspergers-syndrome-dropped-from-american-psychiatric-association-manual/
A life partner and a job.
Had a life partner. Don’t need her.
Got a job. Hate it!
I’d be happy to stay home alone all my life and just concentrate on my Special Interests.
You shouldn’t need anyone else to fulfil your life.
Ditto Steve! Why doesn’t anyone believe us? AND I wish the comments would be reversed so that NEWEST are FIRST. It’s annoying having to go to the end for the newest.
I was a victim of bullying throughout most of school,being AS,but I eventually worked out how to deal with it. If I was the butt of a joke or called a name……..I’d laugh as well! That usually had them wondering. After that,some even became easier to deal with. I now try to see the funny side in all things and that has eased me into adulthood.
If someone tells you you’re weird,tell them……..yeah I know and I’ll perhaps get worse with age,or ‘that comment was less than inspiring’. Laugh it off,don’t look offended and they’ll generally leave you alone.
I’m an Australian and also AS so my sense of humor is quite wicked.
“Asperger’s remains a useful way to categorize people with very low social skills and very high IQ”…or you know, you could just say AUTISTIC.
There’s no need to segregate Autism and Asperger Syndrome, doing so is prejudice because what you’re doing is distancing yourself from autistic people. The only difference between the two is that autistic people had developmental delays, as adults the two cannot be distinguished from each other, all are part of the same spectrum and thus why the diagnosis of Asperger Syndrome was dismissed as unnecessary.
‘People with Asperger Syndrome have very low social skills’
Simply not true, the social aspect of autism is not about learned skills but a difference in how autistic people interact socially – autistic people can improve over time and learn social skills, thus many have social skills equal to that of neurotypical people.
‘Autistic people are an annoying car’
Referring to autistic people as ‘annoying’ is offensive – I don’t mean ‘boo-hoo, I don’t like that’ offensive…I mean ableist, adding to prejudice and ignorance towards autistic people. The example may be appropriate to some autistic people but implying autistic people are annoying isn’t okay, it’s harmful to talk of autistic people like they’re ‘annoying’ just as they’re different from neurotypical people.
‘People with Asperger’s don’t have friends’
People with Autism are as different from each other as neurotypical people, many autistic people like being alone whereas many autistic people absolutely love having a lot of friends – and they do connect emotionally, they may struggle for a wide variety of reasons (poor social skills, bullying, inability to deal with prolonged social interaction, etc.) but like everyone else the majority of autistic people do have friends and want to connect emotionally. It’s called being HUMAN.
‘You’ll rarely hear them say they need more friends’
I ALWAYS hear this, every single day, I hear autistic people saying that they need more friends, that they want more friends, and that they are desperately lonely. Autistic people don’t always isolate themselves, nor are they all ignorant to the needs or feelings of others in their lives, many autistic people are isolated not by their neurology but by ignorant ideas like this – that autistic people don’t want friends or push people away – and by people who are ignorant as to the fact that autistic people interacting differently does not mean that their way of interacting is wrong.
‘People with Asperger’s have lots of depression and lots of anxiety’
Many autistics suffer comorbid conditions like anxiety and depression, not all.
‘The problem is that in adult life your one friend has to be your spouse’
No, it doesn’t – not everyone wants to get married, and many want multiple friends. No one ‘needs’ a spouse, not an autistic person and not a neurotypical person. I can’t even get my head around the logic that here you are saying autistic people only want one friend, then you are insisting that everyone – autistic and neurotypical – must only have one friend in their adult lives; their spouse. YOU seem to want only one friend, you do not speak for or represent all autistic people.
‘Because high IQ and good looks go hand in hand’
Would you care to include scientific evidence of this statement?!
NOTE:
I’m using identity-first language, not person-first language – although you may choose to identify with person-first language it’s important to point out that the majority of autistic people opt for identity-first because being neurological autism is not something that happens to someone but it is who that person is. Person-first language is often viewed as offensive within autism, certainly amongst those who believe in neurodiversity philosophy (which it seems you don’t, which is sad).
Sorry, but you say you’re autistic yet you seem pretty ignorant about autism and use ableist language or offensive ideas about autistic people throughout your article. Self-hating autistics isn’t uncommon, but to write an article representing all autistic people in this way isn’t okay in my book – there will be people learning about autism from this article, I sincerely hope that they look elsewhere for more information.
Way to make generalizations! You are making yourself appear very ignorant writing such an ill informed article.
1. Everyone with Aspergers is different.
2. Many want friends and actually do have friends
3. Not everyone with aspergers has an extremely high I.Q.
4. Some are willing to listen and don’t always believe that they are correct.
5. Many people with AS can adapt to any job and a social environment.
Please don’t take this serious if you happen to read this.
Why is this posted in ‘Diversity’?
This clearly stands against the neurodiversity movement – this post isn’t celebrating diversity, it is implying that autistic people are less-than neurotypical people. This post comes from someone who seems to be a self-hating autistic person, and in general is pretty damn offensive to those of us who are autistic.
Neurodiversity: Some Basic Terms & Definitions – http://neurocosmopolitanism.com/neurodiversity-some-basic-terms-definitions
Okay, this is crap.
I’m sorry. I somewhat agreed with the first point. But the other two I have major problems with. I am a female aspie (well, I have a high enough IQ, and horrible social skills…but they diagnosed me as having childhood autism)…ANYWAYS.
I understand the need for a partner. I wanted to date, I just never knew how to go about it. That’s why dating sites are a blessing. I’m attractive, and I am personable to an extent. I just didn’t know how to do dating things irl.
I HAVE a sex drive…it’s not this ambiguous ideal that I should follow, it is something I fully understand and practice. Furthermore, I love physical contact. There is a limitation to this, I only like it with someone of the opposite sex that I am attracted to (like a bf…not friends though).
I *wish* I could have a kids and husband as easily as you describe it. Just go out and get one. Some of us don’t want to settle for some 500 pound man because he’d be the only one who’d marry us (and it’s not true, I’m 140 pounds, thus I could likely get under the 200 for a partner, but there is a point to the dramatization.) You can’t just say: “oh, well they need a partner” like it’s on some fucking to do list (no pun intended).
Finally, retail is not that easy to work in; My first job was a janitor at Walmart, and it was frustrating. Because either there was monotony from finishing the job early…or everything was hectic from customers asking weird requests.
My favorite quote about autism is this:” You meet one autistic person, you’ve met one autistic person.” Since you obviously are ascribing your situations without consideration of the whole autism spectrum (whereas I interact with a large number of autistic people online)…don’t assume that you’re the expert. I’m not sure if that was the intent of your tone, or if it was unavoidable…but it made me feel hostile. I’m not an expert, neither are you.
Also, there are a lot of fields where autistic people can flourish using their high IQ.
The amount of ignorance about human behavior is astounding – the U.S. public education system was current in 2,000 BCE. Has no one heard of science? Comments I read here are grounded in personal interpretation of personal experience, which is fine, as long as one doesn’t project that interpretation as some kind of general truism about what is called Autism or Asperger’s or whatever the diagnosis of the day calls us. Until recently Autism was mental retardation and other specific conditions. The Autism / Asperger labels have become “politically correct” terminology and almost worthless as diagnosis. They have no clear substantive scientific basis. As an Asperger, I can just as easily say I’m INTJ (MBTI Personality Inventory) – and without the “mental illness” connotations.
I dated a boy in high school who is Aspergers. He was so shy and quiet and studied hard, very smart, but very awkward. He hated to dance, but was so talented in other areas. I became friends with him when we were freshmen and we started dating in our sophomore years. We really loved each other, I thought. He said he loved me and wanted to marry me. We planned our life together.
Because of parental pressure (his parents), we ended up at different colleges for this year. We thought I would transfer next year. But he has stressed out for months about my going to a different college and his father kept telling him that I would leave him, that I would find someone else, that he needed to focus on a sports career and I was holding him back–so many negative things. Finally, right before we were leaving for college, he broke up with me. He said he loved me but I was holding him back and also that he wanted me to be happy and find someone better, but he wanted to still be friends. I was devastated. I really loved him. I still do, so I’ve tried to stay in touch and be friends. But in less than 2 weeks, he had already picked someone else to like and is focusing his attention on her, leaving me in the cold. My head is spinning. It’s like I never existed in his life or something, even though we were close for years. I keep hoping that when we see each other in the summer, he’ll remember what we had. Am I dreaming for something that can never be??