Blueprint for a Woman’s Life
When I drive, I have arguments with people in my head. I think of someone who does not realize how smart I am about what I am smart about, and I go on tirades to show them how misguided they are.
And I realized one day, while I had a particularly long car ride, that I am actually feeling like I know what women should be doing with their adult life.
Most people would be too humble to say this. But I’m the woman who, after ten years in the workforce, built a career on telling people how to manage their career. So, it makes sense that after getting to age 45 I am ready to tell all women how to live their adult life.
To be clear, I have made lots of mistakes. But I like to think I would not have made those mistakes if I had had a blueprint for adult life like the one I’m giving you, right here. The blueprint starts at age 18 and goes to 45.
1. Do less homework.
Women do better in school than men, but school is not a harbinger of doing well in life. Other stuff is. Other stuff that men do all the time. For example, involvement in sports is a foreshadow of a great career. And video games are, too, because they are both collaborative and competitive–two essential skills. So do stuff guys do, and get grades that are as bad as theirs–after all, you should not be the hardest worker, ever.
2. Get plastic surgery.
This is the must-have career tool for the workforce of the new millennium. You will earn more money and you will have more opportunities for mentoring. Also, you will have a wider choice of men, which, of course, is another way to earn more money.
3. Go to business school right out of the gate.
Everyone has always wanted to go to business school right after college, but good MBA programs didn’t allow it. Now there is an unwritten rule that women can get in earlier because it’s so clear that women who want to have kids don’t really benefit from going to an MBA program later. If you get your MBA early, you accomplish a few key things. Not only do you set yourself up for skipping entry-level jobs, but you also make re-entry after kids an easier process because you have higher level experience before you leave.
On top of that, you are more likely to marry well. Men like women who are smart but not making more than they are. (I do not have a link for this. I have instinct.) Business school is a way to show you are smart, but you don’t make any money in business school. Side benefit: You will be surrounded by men equally as smart as you are but a little older, which is a good hunting ground. (Note: I still think business school is stupid if you are using it to actually become qualified to do something.)
4. Start early looking for a husband seriously.
If you want to have kids, you should aim to be done by the time you are 35, when your eggs start going bad fast. This means you need to get started when you are 30, which means you need to get the guy you want to have kids with by the time you’re 28. People who marry too early are very likely to get divorced. But by age 25, you are safe from those statistical trends. So why not marry early? In any case, start looking very seriously for a husband by the time you are 24. Here is a blog post that summarizes this argument and links to the research to back it up.
5. Milk maternity leave for all it’s worth.
Maternity leave is a complicated political issue, but whatever: For now, it’s your right, so just take what’s yours. Use all your maternity leave, and then make it very difficult to fire you when you return. Start a year before you want to get pregnant, by getting a job at a company that legally must give you maternity leave. I’m not saying you HAVE to take maternity leave, but if you don’t have any, you can’t decide to take it. Position yourself at that company in a job you can do with your eyes closed, in case you want to go back after maternity leave and work. Because if you are taking care of a newborn baby and working full-time, you’ll be doing everything with your eyes closed.
There is an incredible amount of research to show that there should be a single, primary caregiver for the first year. I know that’s not good for feminism. But none of this post is. So look, unless your husband is taking a year off, you’re better off spending most of your time on your kid and not your job. The way to do that is to take all the maternity leave you can and then keep pushing for people to let you keep your job even if you’re not really doing it. Make them fire you. It’ll take their legal department a long time to give permission for that, and you can be collecting a paycheck the whole time. The extra cash can fund the rest of your transition.
6. Guard your marriage obsessively.
Educated women divorce at less than a quarter of the rate of everyone else. Divorce is not socially acceptable for most women reading this blog. We have decades of great data (read Judith Wallerstein) to show that divorce permanently ruins the kids. Yes, it’s true, divorce makes life better for the parents. But kids don’t care. They don’t notice. Kids notice if two parents are paying attention to them, and that is one of the first things to go in a divorce. If you love your kids, you stay married to their parent.
This means that the wife needs to just bite the bullet and maintain the marriage. Stay-at-home spouses keep marriages together more effectively . I know: this is not popular, and not fair, but you do not need to make a crusade out of your family by showing that you can get a divorce and not fuck up your kids. So just bite the bullet and make sure you are keeping your husband happy so your kids can grow up with two parents.
7. Practice austerity.
Austerity is not fun. But you can call it something trendy, like minimalism or slow food.Your ability to manage your life will be nil if you are ruled by financial problems. So that means no big house, no expensive car, no huge vacations. You need control over your life more than you need that stuff. You have more career flexibility, more time flexibility, and more personal flexibility if you can keep your expenses way below what you earn. In this scenario, you do not have to fight with your husband about money. (You can fight about sex and in-laws, which are the other two of the three most popular fight topics.) Also, you can stay home with kids if you want to. And if you don’t want to, you can just be you and admit it. Don’t say you are not with your kids all day because you need the money. That would be a lie.
8. Do a startup with a guy.
Having your own company will give you tons of control over your life. It’s nice to have a funded company because then the investors are taking the financial risk and you are drawing a nice salary even when you are not really earning any revenue. The problem is that VC funded startups require 100+ hour weeks, every week. You should only do one of these types of companies with a guy.
Smart women in their 20s are looking for husbands and cannot be 100% focused on some pie-in-the-sky startup. Women in their 30s are having kids and trying to figure out how to work less. Men are more easily focused solely on work. That’s why there is a salary gap between men and women: Because women focus on work and family, and men focus only on work. Don’t judge. Just get a male business partner. The problem is that men don’t like doing startups with women—it’s bad for them. But still, you can try.
9. If you can’t get men to do a startup with you, do a lifestyle business.
A lifestyle business is one where the revenue is yours to keep. This is good since you will need to earn money, but it’s a little more risky for you personally than a startup because you’re not in it with deep-pocketed investors. Still, a lifestyle business is attractive enough to a woman with kids and a hankering for something interesting in the business world. Also, given the choice between no work, full-time work, or part-time work, Pew Research reports that 80% of women with children would choose part-time work. And we all know that the part-time work opportunities in corporate America suck. So a lifestyle business is the best path to that goal.
10. Homeschool. Your kids will be screwed if you don’t.
The world will not look kindly on people who put their kids into public school. We all know that learning is best when it’s customized to the child and we all know that public schools are not able to do that effectively. And the truly game-changing private schools cost $40,000 a year.
It’s clear is that homeschooled kids will rule the world when Generation Z enters the workplace. So figure out a way to alleviate mommy guilt by homeschooling your kids to get them on that path. You don’t have to do the teaching yourself. You can pay someone. But you need to get your kids out of a system that everyone knows does not work. (Note: I just realized this. This month. And last week, I decided: I’m taking my kids out of school.)
11. Spend money on household help and Botox to keep more doors open longer.
Look, it’s really hard to be a parent and still have an interesting life. Not for men. We have seen enough of feminism to be certain that men are not derailed personally by kids. (In fact, Catalyst reports that having kids increases a man’s earning power. Probably because he is then more likely to have a wife at home inadvertently performing the role of pseudo personal secretary. ) So the more money to spend to get people to help you with your kids, the more time and energy you’ll have to help yourself.
Also, as women age they become more invisible. I know, this is not nice to say. And we are told it’s only true in Hollywood. But since when has something that catches on in Hollywood not been relevant to the rest of us? Even pre-nups went mainstream. So the longer you can look younger than 45 the longer runway time you will have to figure out how to raise kids, hold a marriage together and still keep things vibrant and interesting intellectually. It’s no small feat, but Botox and Restylane will be your best teammates in this part of the adventure.
12. Break the mold in your 40s.
Women get more unhappy as they age. So you can say you don’t like the advice I’m giving. But look, in order to change the trajectory of women’s happiness, we are going to have to drastically change the advice we give to women about how to run their lives. Most of the news about women in their 40s is pretty bad, to be honest. But the good news is that you can change that, by living differently in your 20s and 30s than women did before you. And, if you are in your 40s and reading this, take solace in the fact that by the time women are in their 40s they are great in bed, so if you do nothing else, figure out how to have a lot of sex to leverage your hard-earned talent
At first I was taken aback. The mental tape “*ITCH PLEASE!!” And then the sad truth of it occurred…beauty is in demand. I can not be mad at the article when its the culture I am upset with. Even babies show less fear towards beautiful people. I would suggest though, instead of intense plastic surgery why not invest in a personal trainer and get into the best YOU that YOU could be! And if you are alright with a bit of crazy chemicals than poke poke away my friend and turn those commas into baby butt skin once again!
Please, please tell me you are not being serious. This is sexist, degrading, incorrect, and generally disgusting. Not to mention, it’s a misogynistic article written by a woman.
Seriously. I can’t even begin to express how horrified I am by this article.
Hi Penelope.
I’m 32, single with a full time legal career and wanting to be married. Any advise for people like me, who “missed the mark” at 24 and failed to “hunt” for a husband… :-)
I stumbled across this post and thought, this is life in America… people can look beautiful all their lives if they take care of themselves (good diet, exercise, herbal tonics, stay out of the sun). Plastic surgery is always noticable and really it looks terrible. I never went to business school, became an artist, and have had more music work and success in my 50’s than I did as a younger person. I have a great relationship and am happier than I ever was. Your advice, while interesting, could be a recipe for disaster. I grew up in a wealthy, waspy Stepford town and the results were often pretty scary. You could interchange the word “slave” for “woman” here I guess. Find your own way, and don’t settle for a cookie cutter life!
Are you kidding me? Ahahhahahahh. This is satire, right? Hahahahahahhahah. Your life isn’t really this sad and shallow, right? Aaahahhhhhahahahahhahahah.
Misty — I’m with you. This “new feminism” is old. So old it’s sexism incarnate! I’m sorry, but I think she is serious.
“On top of that, you are more likely to marry well. Men like women who are smart but not making more than they are.”
We’d love to marry women who are more monied, but they don’t want us. If a man is married to a woman who’s career takes off or if he’s been mr mom, divorce is soon to follow.
There’s simply no percentage in attempting to marry up.
Paul, this seems a bit contradictory. You would love to marry women who just have more money (i.e., by inheritance or whatever) as opposed to those who earn more money, right? Because you then say if a man marries a woman whose career takes off or if he has to be Mister Mom, divorce will soon follow. So you mean, you do not want to marry a woman who earns more, just one who already has more. Right?
By the way, I can attest that the wife earning more and the dad having more home and child responsibilities is not working out well for us at all! He is resentful, I miss my child, our home is a disaster, but we need my salary. It really really sucks. But there is not much else we can do about it right now, other than I quit, bills do not get paid and we file for bankruptcy.
Not contradictory at all.
The issue is that the woman decides. What she wants is a man that she can respect, who brings some form of status to the relationship. She expects the man to be fully formed and ready to contribute or he is simply filtered out.
What it means is that there is no point in planning to ‘marry up’ as there’s no market. If you present wife starts to advance beyond you (financially/status) then it’s pretty likely you’re on your way out the door.
Again, it has nothing to do with what men want. The requirements to be in a relationship with a woman are set by the woman.
This translates into a strategy of pursuing long term financial advantage all all costs.
Short of that, you’re out of the game completely.
If you think otherwise, note that 75% of all homeless and 90% of all prison inmates are men. If a woman fails, it simply means she’s more available for a relationship. There’s no place to go for a man.
Note also that while men may earn more wages, women make +80% of purchasing decisions. The ‘traditional’ woman’s role is a fantastically successful business strategy.
For the top 20% of men, the entitlement paradigm reverses somewhat, at least at the front end. At the back end, the money still flows to whoever has the uterus.
What’s the magic blueprint for men?
Penelope, I am a 28 year old single feminist with her own business who broke many of the rules in your blueprint (and will continue breaking them) and I find this post SHOCKING and INSULTING. Number TWO on your list is to get plastic surgery?! Go to business school out the gate and then WAIT ’til you’re in your 40s to really live and “break the mold”?!? Is this a blueprint for all women or just for you?
I feel like you are instructing women how to make their subjugation and oppression less painless. Your intentions seem good but I have to disagree with your efforts to squeeze us all into The System and manipulate us into believing it was our choice.
Look for a husband early?! See, in my own dating experience I’ve found that men–like women–MUST use their 20s to get to know themselves, understand who they are, become secure in themselves and their desires. When you know who you are and how to avoid typical relationship pitfalls, you are not only a better partner, you are a better human being, in general. My boyfriend (who I didn’t search for panting with desperation) is in his late 30s and I’d have him no other way. He has found himself, gone through dating mishaps, played the field, acted like a douchebag–he realized in his early thirties he was unfulfilled. Any woman he married before that point would have been a victim of his lack of connection with himself.
This relates to your divorce point. My parents are divorced. I THANK them for it. And, yes, while it was painful when it first happened–I was 7–as I grew, I saw very clearly that it was the right decision. Children are intelligent. A child raised to be free-thinking and autonomous may initially react to a painful thing like divorce with hurt and it takes time to adjust to a new lifestyle. But give kids more credit. I gave a speech at my mother’s wedding at the age of ELEVEN that I was so grateful she found a man who loved and appreciated her. Divorce still rocks our family–as any difficult thing does (life is hard) but I wasn’t an adult when I realized how good it was for everyone involved that my parents split. And I’d credit their split to your rule on “finding a husband early.” TOO early. My father still regrets his choice to marry too early. He looks at my adventurous, rule-breaking life and resents me for doing all the things he only dreamed about because he rushed into a marriage right out college because “that’s what you do” according to other peoples’ blueprints.
I could go on and on but I’ll end by saying that I don’t think you need to be in your 40s to break the mold. Three years ago, I quit law school midway through and moved to southern Mexico to pursue my dreams of doing human rights advocacy on the ground (I work with rural youth) while supporting myself with a start-up business (which has taken off after a lot of hard work). EVERYONE told me I was making a huge mistake. “Just get the degree so you can put it on your resume and always be employable.” But I was miserable in law school–having panic attacks every day–and I knew that I had to follow my heart. Now, I followed up the heart move with a lot of real action grounded in creating a sustainable business. But you don’t need to go to business school for that. And I am glad I didn’t wait until my 40s to break the mold. I am living a life like none of my friends–who FOLLOWED your blueprint and are still miserable. I feel like my life is MINE.
And plastic surgery-less, I am perfectly imperfect and I’d have it no other way. How gratifying to have my partner look into my eyes and tell me I’m beautiful–ME–not the handiwork of a talented surgeon.
C’mon, Penelope. You’re smart. But this is not smart advice. This advice is cruel and misguided.
This is sickening. I am a college student at a top tier university and am excited to start my life and accomplish my goals. I read this and all I see is a blue print to be a Stepford wife and arm candy. Get your head out of your ass! A woman’s life shouldn’t be so based off gender stereotypes and we don’t have to be all about pleasing men to be happy. Seriously, this post makes me want to vomit.
Someone earlier commented that the ones under 30 are probably enraged by this post and the ones over 40 are probably saying, “yeah, she is right.” I am 45 and I am saying, with a few exceptions, most of what Penelope has posted here is good advice. Sorry.
You are completely disrespecting all the work feminists going before you have done. You may think you are ‘playing a woman’s game to over come a male dominated system’, but you are wrong. Any woman who seriously considers your advice should be ashamed.
“I don’t know why women do Botox, it doesn’t make them look younger, it just makes them look like they had work done.”
– Julianne Moore
“Look at a man or a woman in their 50s and all I see when they have brushed their years away with surgery is self-obsession and fear. That’s not particularly attractive.”
– Cate Blanchett
This is such a great blog, glad I stumble upon your webpage. Thank you.
This post makes me livid. BOTOX?? Plastic surgery to succeed in a career? This is NOT the new feminism, this is taking gigantic steps backward to the dark ages when women had absolutely no rights at all. Please tell me this site is not real and merely a tongue-in-cheek satire.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1021293/How-mothers-fanatical-feminist-views-tore-apart-daughter-The-Color-Purple-author.html#ixzz1qzTnqZ5h
Finally, someone tells the truth.
Can’t tell if you are being serious here, because, this list doesn’t seem quite right.
Why is the only option having kids? Is there a blueprint for those of us that don’t like children? Life can be so much more fun and fulfilling when the ‘must get married and have kids’ idea is not mandatory.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think everyone should skip on kids, but not every woman wants kids. Skipping kids opens a lot of doors, both in choice of men as well as career options.
Just today, an article on the Huffington post about mothering reminds us (again) that the social expectations of mothers and, indeed, the whole reason for having kids has changed dramatically over the centuries (not just since the 1970s feminist movement). We women to give up the unrealistic ideal and forgive ourselves a little for not being 2012’s impossible ideal of the “all over it” mother. I spent a lot of time freaking out over how I could ever afford to have a kid. It caused me a lot of unnecessary pain. I hope other women having similar worries read this post, followed by HuffPo. Here’s the link:http://www.huffingtonpost.com/amy-morrison/motherhood_b_2271349.html
And my favourits quote: “There were no flashcards, there was no sign language (unless you were deaf), there were no organic, free-range bento boxes — your job was to just see a kid through to adulthood and hope they didn’t become an idiot.”
Not only am i shocked and disgusted at this post but mainly with the idiots who agree with you. wow
Oh dear. Some of these are useful enough, some are just plain bizarre (get plastic surgery? seriously?), and others are plain offensive. If PT hasn’t followed this list then why does she think she is so qualified to tell women “how to live their adult life”? For a start, she doesn’t even talk about the fact that being married is not obligatory (you can have a commited relationship, and have kids, without marriage), nor does she take into account that not everybody wants to have kids. Finally, what’s with all the “husband” emphasis? I am married to a woman. Perhaps a better descriptor would be “partner” or “life partner” or one of those, if she really wants to speak to *all* women. If she doesn’t want to speak to *all* women then this post should really be named “Blueprint for Heterosexual Women’s Life” and even then it would still be a horrendous generalisation.
Agreed. Have email saying you’d commented again, but cant actually see it, so thought would reply here. Of course yeah it’s fine to have your opinion on things, but too many people take what’s written on blogs such as these as real life advice, and that is so damaging when they’re as misguided and just plain wrong as those here. What she’s written is what she thinks might work for some people, and whilst it clearly normalises oppression of women, if its what she wishes she had done, then that entirely up to her, but don’t try to tell the world that this is how women should live, because its one of the least progressive (in fact one of the most regressive) things I’ve read in a while. yet the most depressing thing I think is the clear internalised misogyny. Most posts refer to ways to be accepted by a man, to measure yourself against men, and to structure your life around men and their expectations of you. finally the suggestion that nearly every woman really wants to be a stay at home mother and rely on her high earning husband is just ludicrous.
Ali Poll You know those articles you start reading and assume its written sarcastically because NO ONE could possibly be genuine about such crap… So depressing how often it turns out that they can! I think the blueprint article is even worse, aside from the total and utter ridiculousness of just about every point she makes, she then goes on to defend her views in the comments, saying that “by far the majority of women are straight and want kids” and by implication, the rest aren’t important (not quite sure what you do if you’re not heterosexual and still want kids, apparently you don’t seem to exist!). The crowning piece has to be however: “That said, there is a huge, huge amount of research to show that women who are married are much happier than women who are not. This has nothing to do with feminism or independence. It has to do with love and companionship and commitment, and people who have that are happier.” Seriously?! I’m sure people in a loving, committed relationship are, on the whole, quite happy, but you sure as hell don’t need to be married to be in one of those (again, sorry to anyone homosexual, clearly the churches apparent “right” to deny you marriage also denies you happiness. Sucks) and mores to the point, marriage is very very definitely not a guarantee of such a relationship!! Obviously she didn’t take the time to even consider the significant proportion of women you are abused/ raped within their marriage (such rape being legal in this country until 1991 remember…). And on top of all this, does she REALLY think that unmarried women are all unmarried because, despite desperately searching for years, they just can’t convince some Prince Charming to marry them?! There are so many reasons why someone may remain unmarried, and most are down to a positive personal choice. Sorry for rant, this is just so infuriating to see!!
I’ve been reading a lot of your articles over the past couple of days, and most of them are insightful and well-put, and I have found you to be a pretty credible source. However, there were two things in this post that totally shot down that credibility. First of all, I believe homeschool is a terrible idea in most cases (there are always exceptions), kids NEED to be socialized, they need to learn how to interact with people other than their siblings. Yes, keeping your kids at home means you can easily indoctrinate them with your views, but I don’t think that should be a parent’s goal.
Also, I’ve seen a few suggestions for things like Botox or plastic surgery. I am a firm believer that people should find happiness with who they are and how they look. Growing old gracefully is something to be proud of, and we need to stop having weak and insecure be words that are synonymous with women.
Other than these things, I have been enjoying reading your blog this past few days. I am a first-year teacher who is about to finish grad school and am currently wondering if I made the right choice, so it is nice to read reflective posts full of advice.
http://www.tnr.com/article/politics/magazine/110861/how-older-parenthood-will-upend-american-society?page=0,0#
Yes, nothing helps women get ahead in life quite like not doing much homework, yet magically getting accepted into an MBA program, running a business with someone and still mysteriously being able to homeschool her kids (who I can only assume will not be given much homework).
My dear friend Robin, who is a thousand times the woman the disgraceful Penelope Trunk will ever be, has written a brilliant rebuttal to this piece of misogynist garbage here: http://newprosperitymovement.blogspot.co.uk/2013/01/your-blueprint-is-my-hell.html. We may be a bit tardy to the “party”, but it’s never too late to speak about against the kind of hateful rubbish Ms. Trunk is trying to propagate.
I seriously hope this article is a joke. If you’re actually being serious… well then I feel sorry for how you view yourself and the world around you.
I find it refreshing that you are so candid. I would probably disagree with the “Get Plastic Surgery” as a literal remark, but I think the spirit of it was intended. If there is something about yourself you really don’t like – fix it. Interesting blog, enjoyed reading it. :)
A friend linked this to me with comments on Facebook including:
“Wow, WTF?” and “holy crap” and “Wait, that wasn’t satire?”
1. Doing your homework means getting good grades mean getting scholarships.
2. You’re everything wrong with body issues in America.
3. If everyone was in business school, who’d be the engineers, scientists, doctors, etc? That said, I do admit that the business world is woefully needing women in it.
4. Looking for a potential life-long mate should happen after a person is whole and comfortable with themselves. Encouraging women to go husband-hunting early is: (a) Going to up divorce rates and break children’s hearts later, (b) Delaying women from learning to be complete human beings themselves and (c) Viewing men as a means to an ends, and not an end to themselves.
5. Probably true.
6. How about “learn to communicate at an early age, find a mate that also can do so, and you won’t have to ‘obsess'”. Telling anyone to obsess about anything, even as hyperbole, is a bad idea.
7. Not the worst idea.
8. This is probably a decent idea, but it’s easy for those of us who’ve done entrepreneurial ventures to understate their difficulty.
9. Your overview of what a “lifestyle business” really doesn’t actually explain what it is. You also make it sound easy. A lifestyle business is an entrepreneurial start-up designed not to grow. That’s not necessarily easy medicine to swallow. I think this may have been better advice if you phrased it as “turn a hobby into a small business, whether it becomes a side-business or a primary source of income.”
10. I’m not going to touch the homeschooling issue. I grew up in a state with excellent public schooling; maybe you didn’t.
11. You should be promoting equality and tolerance regarding gender and physical appearance. Be the change, not the problem.
12. I feel like this summarizes your whole post. “Have a shitty 20s and 30s so you can enjoy life in your 40s.”
Um, I read this whole article assuming it was a joke. Is this supposed to be for real? God I hope not. If so, what a ridiculously antiquated and depressing view of relationships. I can’t believe this is what you’re prescribing for happiness for women. Come on, people.
This is hands down my favorite post. Blunt and honest, but not too harsh. I have this up in my cube for guidance, thanks Penelope!
Hi! I’m commenting to see more comments. All I’ve done are numbers 1 and 7. Number 3 is no longer possible. The others I could still do but it won’t be early any more. But I don’t think you could map out your life so easily. Life always gets in the way.
Such a very interesting topic buddy.
Wow, thank you so freaking much for writing this post (back in 2011, I guess). Here I was actively hating myself for being a career f*ck-up, and I’ve pretty much (unwittingly) followed this blueprint to a T. Gives me hope that my future isn’t totally screwed by staying home to teach my kids and letting hubs bring in most of the bread. At least I still bring in a crumb or two, to keep myself sane/involved.
I love your advises. I never wanted to go to business school and I hated all the “rules”, I rejected everything that my parents wanted me to do. I believed that conforming to the rules and norms in society was dumb so I refused to play their game. But at some point i started to realize that refusing to conform is not the opposite of being a conformist. you need to know the rules well enough to beat the system. I know that I want to be successful but I want to succeed on my own terms. I want to be happy and wealthy without sacrificing my values and personal goals. overlooking the reality isn’t going to help me. so I really appreciate your blueprint because it truthfully reflects what it takes for a woman to work the system. I don’t see why so many people are angry about your article, honestly if someone is dumb enough to follow every piece of advice literally without having her own goals and judgement, no piece of advice in the world would ever save her.
Agreed. You should add “serious gym time” to the whole looking-good-as-you-age-thing (and that’s definitely something you don’t have time for without household help). Nothing turns back the clock like dropping pounds and adding muscle.
You said this a long time ago, now its a Wall Street Journal editorial.
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424127887324100904578402550244371508.html?mod=hp_opinion
Sometime I wonder though if women, at least in the beginning of their life, are too money conscious. I have no research on this but I think women are more likely to eat at home to save money or skip on the expensive computer, or whatever. But you go out to eat to save time and buy the nicer computer because (it’s beautiful mostly) you get more done. I have to remind myself that I’m worth $40 – $50 an hour when I’m doing some choir like washing my dishes. I better love washing dishes because it’s time spent that’s not helping me be worth $100 an hour. That or I might be rationalize my expensive apartment…. Thoughts?
This is a horrible article. Terrible advice!
I just “found” you and I am pretty sure I think you rock. Thanks for dishing the straight shit. RAW-R-R-R!
Penelope-
I understand your main points, however, as a fellow woman with Asperger’s I would like to say your point on *finding* a mate comes across as a little presumptuous, although that is not your intention. Most American men have a “personality stereotype” that they are attached to in their own mind. When someone who they perceive as agreeable at first based on appearances turns out to be a bit blunt or forward in communication, or makes unintentional mistakes thereof, they often don’t respond well and run off to find someone less blunt or straightforward. Whatever happened to guys taking initiative in relationships and learning how to love and stay with an imperfect communicator? My point is that men who are marriage minded like to take the lead in the dating/courting/whatever process. Some of them have a “women are easy to throw away” mentality. Some of them don’t. You come across as though it is entirely within our control or *easy* to find a guy. No offense meant. Just an observation. Enjoyed the rest of the article, though.
This is sarcasm. Right? RIGHT?
Wow. There’s very little of this that I agree with, but I love the audacity of it so much that I don’t even care. Maybe you’re just being funny…
I’m 50 this year and having an interesting, happy, satisfying and fulfilling life that keeps on growing–without plastic surgery, botox, homeschooling, a start up, an MBA, maternity leave, or a rich husband.
I do endeavor to live simply and to invest deeply in the relationships at home–with my kids, my husband–and most vitally–with me; but I also did and do lots of homework in every aspect of my life.
There was no “you” in this essay except one to be fixed, bettered, hurried, or misled.
Still, you’ve inspired me to think of my own list while I rant in the car… hopefully others will do the same instead of following yours.
(darn, i just realized that this was an old post of yours; right after you started homeschooling; that should have tipped me off; i feel suckered :)
Whoa, I came to your blog looking for career advice and I really regret clicking on this article. I disagree with it so much that it casts your entire site in a negative light. The advice you’ve given does not discuss a woman as a whole, separate human being but rather as someone who exists in relation to men and children (well, #12 doesn’t specify that the sex is with men). Did I miss the parts on the importance of travel, developing hobbies and skills and cultivating supportive friendships? Personal growth and development?
This list seems to be geared to women who rely on looks and/or a husband to get through life, and that is not okay. I suppose that my opinion is of little consequence, as I attended public school and am forever “screwed” as a result.
Penelope, you are a breath of fresh air for your frank talk tho I do not agree with your idea that starting up a company with a man can alleviate some issues. In my experience it was quite the opposite and thankfully I have had a chance to reload, and learnt to know what I want and have crucial conversations upfront, or walk away from a bad deal.
This is one of the dumbest things I have ever read.
I think that although you seem to have a lot of followers and people saying that this blog is amazing, it is really very subjective and only really works for a few individuals.
With number six, a woman or a man should never bite the bullet and just stick with a marriage. We live in a society that has become more open and honest and if we all begin to clam up and not follow our hearts and heads, we become miserable and sad people. This is not a way to live your life, a life full of deceit, and is not fair on your children, yourself or your husband or wife.
Getting plastic surgery…!!!!! You shouldn’t be promoting this. Because of the media, women have begun to become self-obsessive and self-analysing all of the time, and this media coverage of airbrushed models has brought out a lot of negativity and bullying. The people in the magazines do not exist- they are created over a foundation of a real person. You should be promoting that people are beautiful aesthetically and that they should concentrate on being beautiful on the inside instead…..
As for number 10– i am a publically schooled individual and I have been a high achiever and have learnt how to socialise at the same time. Home-schooling children does not teach them to talk within their social groups and will probably result in them being bullied when they finally assimilate into normal society. And again, this is subjective—only people that have the time can afford to do this for their children…
and number 11…..
Anyway, I think that you need to reconsider some of these to stop the negative culture that you are adding to….
like the post-minus the bits about plastic surgery and botox. I think that’s messed up. why not replace those with intensive exercise instead of advocating for superficial enhancements. it’s like telling fat people to get gastric bypass instead of doing the hard work of exercising and eating healthier. and it costs so much money. plastic surgery to enhance appearance is a waste of money, energy, and is very superficial. you are just changing the outside without changing the inside.
Hi,
Just wondering if this blog post is serious or are you being sarcastic?
– S
Dear God!!! (if I ever believed in one) I hope my daughter never reads this article! Is this truly the advice you would give your own daughter on how to be successful in life??? Get married? Have children before your eggs spoil? Have plastic surgery?
Are you sure you aren’t a man writing this rubbish?
I happened across this blog as a woman in my 40’s and expected a woman with your following to be far more responsible with her words than this!