My accidental vacation
I have never been a fan of vacations. Why would I need a vacation from my life if I like my life?
Also, I’m a fanatic about routine. After years of obsessive research about what makes people happy, I have determined that self-discipline is the key to happiness. And self-discipline is really difficult, but not in the context of routine. So I love routine and I hate vacations because they disrupt routine.
So I was surprised when the Hampton Inn offered me free nights in any hotel if I would write about it. After all, it’s not just that I don’t like vacations. Also, I’m the person who wrote about why I think travel is a waste of time, and one of the most popular posts on this blog about vacations is why it’s okay to work during vacation.
But now that I am basically raising farm boys, I am careful to take them to the city so they know what it’s like. Digression: I have heard that one of the biggest problems the Ivy League has with attracting kids from rural America is the rural kids with high enough test scores simply can’t handle living in a city – yes, New Haven counts as a city to a farm kid. So while you are sending your kids to SAT tutors to get your kids into college, I’ll be sending my kids to ride NYC subways.
So, back to the hotel. I used the free offer this week to stay in the Skokie, IL Hampton Inn while I was at Suzuki cello camp with my son. That’s right. This is my idea of vacation for my kid. He’s only six years old, so he doesn’t know other kids are going to Disney World.
We do five hours of cello lessons during the day, and then we come back to our hotel. And I have to say, he totally loves the hotel.
The whole day is very structured for my son. So when we come back, I let him do whatever he wants until bed time.
First we swim.
Then he tracks pool water through the lobby to get some lemonade and a cookie. The hotel staff is totally kid friendly, though I can’t help wondering if someone told them to be extra nice to us.
When I lived in New York City, I didn’t ever cook a meal, which is normal for NYC. But on the farm, I cook three meals a day. And like I said, I like routine. So I asked for a room with a kitchen. I had grand plans for nice dinners, just me and my son (and Melissa for one night). But he reminded me that I told him he could choose what we do after camp, and he chose peanut butter & jelly. Every night.
He practices after dinner at home, so we did that here, too. It’s amazing how if you tell a kid that practice is every night, and you follow through with that plan, then the kid doesn’t think to get out of it even though he’s played already for five hours.
I’ve been thinking about this all week – how routine is the most powerful tool for creating self-discipline. But I find that when it comes to myself, I lack the self-discipline to stick to the routine that would increase my self-discipline.
I’m better at routine when it comes to my kids.
By bedtime, I am exhausted.
All week I’ve been thinking I’m going to write a blog post after I put him to sleep. Because I love my job. And I feel disoriented on days when I don’t do it.
But, look. It’s been a week since I posted. I find that if I lay down with him for a book before bed, there is no getting me out when the last page is read.
From the looks of the pictures, your son should also be studying gymnastics!
b3转走äºå¦ããããã
I have been following your blog for a few years now and I am excited to receive your new book. I just felt called to share that this is my absolute favorite post. It’s warm, engaging and tender. It’s a departure from your typical rant and I love it. I enjoy your rant too….this one just hit a sweet nerve.
Hey everyone…if you are looking for jobs, check out Uvisor’s Jobbin’ In July campaign they have going from now until the 17th… https://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=249014491782645
I’m glad I’m not the only one that thinks it’s OK to work on vacation.
I love to travel, but I also don’t ever feel the need to take a vacation…or in other words…escape. I like working, and it is even more fun to do the work I enjoy from interesting places.
I’m looking forward to reading your other two posts you mentioned about travel and working on vacation.
What a great Mom you are!
I hate routines, always have. They depress me for some reason. I much prefer to set a list of priorities for the day & go about them as needed. Self-discipline comes from the necessities to complete the tasks.
In spite of all your help, your kids turn out OK.
I would also add that big city kids need to be exposed to the country. Just as the big city can seem overwhelming and uncomfortable to country kids, so to is the country to city kids.
A few years ago I had the chance to work with inner city kids. I will never forget the first time we took a few out to the country to go camping. Almost every single one of them felt uncomfortable with being out in nature. They felt alone, isolated, and disconnected from life. The silence and distance between houses concerned them. What if there was an emergency one commented. You can’t just go next door to get help.
The most frequent comment was “What do you do for fun? There is nothing to do” to which I replied…boredom is the result of an unintelligent mind.
So if you have raised your kid in the City and you plan on sending them to a College in the Country you might need to help them adjust.
I agree that kids from small towns need to be exposed to the “city” often. I love living and raising kids in a small town. Its safe, clean, and provides lots of opportunities. But it is not the same opportunities that a big city provides. A big city can seem very overwhelming if the first time you visit one is when you are 20 years old.
I just read your Superstar article and didn’t want to sign up for any other memberships so am leaving my comment here. One thing I think you missed actually is derived from a previous idea of yours – comfort zone and getting out of it. You illustrated that someone would know they are achieving this by the fact that they would be uncomfortable, it wouldn’t feel exactly right. But I think Nervousness is a great indicator of being out of your comfort zone. Now, you say that people should align their professional goals with their personality type, which I love that advice but when I do this, I don’t feel Nervous because I’m doing something I’m comfortable at and excel in. I’m looking good, for sure, but that’s not exactly the same as being out of my comfort zone. What would make me nervous? I’m an introvert (myer’s brigg confirmed) with a flair for drama and some amount of musical/theatrical talent. The idea of being a Performer makes every nerve begin to tingle within me, because not only do I get excited because I love music and being active in music, but also my nerves are tingling because I’m nervous about the idea of trying for a career that would be so nerve-wracking every day. I think if people want to reach their superstar potential, they should pick fields, careers, interests, that go against their natures (out of their comfort zones) but are still true to the core of their person (natural talents, tastes, etc). It’s hard to do, but all you have to ask yourself is, what would make me nervous and is a secret fantasy job? Maybe an extrovert who picks writing (a solitary career) is actually already challenging their superstar potential. But don’t worry, I can hear the next warning coming my way – I’m glad to say I have a day job that I do well in.
Well, just a few smiley thoughts for the day…
Interesting take on vacations. I don’t see a vacation as an escape from life but rather an opportunity to explore, learn, and grow. I love vacations for the simple fact that I get to do something new and discover something previously unknown to me. I see them more as mini classes. Learning with all of your senses rather than just reading about the place, activity, taste, etc. in a book.
We could simply chalk this difference in perspective to personality. Some personalities prefer routine over adventure. Some adventure over security. Some security over wonder. One personality is not better than the other. All of these different personalities make the world a beautiful place.
I will agree with you that accomplishment influences [maybe even determines] happiness. And accomplishments do not often happen without a dedicated routine. Happiness is a product of work. And the best vacations are a lot of work.
I have news for you: people in New York City can think that New Haven is too much of a city. I went to Yale for undergrad, and Columbia for professional school. I won’t soon forget walking past a bloody gurney in the Columbia Presbyterian Hospital emergency room while a colleague said to me, wide-eyed, “Oh, you were in New Haven?? I hear it’s really bad there!!”
well, that’s one person, anyway. there are plenty of other new yorkers that think new haven is just another city–not better, nor worse.
and what’s up with all the new haven hate here? it’s not the only fine institution of higher learning that’s part of a city (with all its associated challenges)? young undergrads disappear from bloomington, indiana; a binge-drinking fraternity member dies in ithaca; an undergraduate is raped by a college football player in south bend–plenty of bad, all around. and plenty of yale students escape any brush with danger during their stay.
equipping your child with the experiences necessary to living wherever they choose is key, and what i believe penelope was emphasizing here. they don’t just spend their lives going where you choose to send them.
so your research was…thinking about it? or blogging about it? Wow. Rigorous.
Yes, you can’t have vacation because you like your life so much – I like that. I remember a boss who once told me that he hates to take a day off because he loves his work so much. Like vacation is more a difficult task for him.
Hampton Inn in Skokie Illinois…who knew? I live in Skokie and occassionally need a clean, attractive hotel. The pool looks lovely.
We had huge storms and lost electricity, next power outage, or out-of-town guests,I’m rushing to the Hampton Inn, right here in Skokie.
Thank you, Stoney! We look forward to welcoming you as our guest.
Janice on behalf of Hampton Skokie
Vacations serve two purposes, to break the routine and to educate. If one’s stays in the bubble doing the same thing every day, nothing will change. Use the vacation time to see new things, meet new people, and learn new things about oneself and the world. I just got back from a week of vacation in Wisconsin, had a great time and my work/routine was waiting for me when I got back. I learned a few new things, helped out a few people, and felt better when I got back than when I left. Vacation…Just Do It!!!
Screw the cello, buy yr son a skateboard. (And ferry him to the city regular to use it.)
Vacations are the only way to recuperate from the toils of life.
Just planning some trips myself this year.
Good to think that your son loves to stay home and never wander.
The "danger" rankings that folks above have mentioned are not from the FBI, and are nowhere near accurate. In fact, the FBI, American Society of Criminologists and all researchers have called them “invalid” and “bogus.”
Please see this New Haven Register Sunday Op-Ed for facts and rational analysis:
http://www.ctdatahaven.org/blog/2011/06/public_safety_new_haven/
In terms of crime rates, New Haven is very typical among U.S. cities, if not safer. Many sections, even near downtown, are safer than the national average.
I was always thinking,if prince charles is just an http://lanlinweddingdresses.blogspot.com fashion dresses , would 19 years old Diana marry him before kowning he has lover. Recently one of her tapes was opened to the public, she said the wedding day was the http://fashionupup.wordpress.com/2011/07/06/the-label-responsible-for-the-navy-dress-worn-by-kate black dresses in her life—-"My heart was as quiet as death, I feet as a lamp waiting to be killed."
Some genuinely interesting info , well written and broadly speaking user friendly .
Not the point of the post, I know, but the Ivy League includes Dartmouth and Cornell… Neither of which are in “big cities.” As a Dartmouth grad who had to drive over an hour to reach a mall I can say with certainty farm kids would feel at home there. In fact, we even have a sustainable, organic farm that is student run.
I love your honesty. I’m so happy there is someone out there that has my same issues and is successful!!!
Your son sort of looks like James Altucher : )
Thanks for a real live snapshot of a parent on a holiday. It’s refreshing to know that there are other parents out there who have to work, even on a holiday because they simply look after their family.