My miscarriage — on CNN, ABC and AOL
I don’t usually post clips of myself when I go on TV. But I’m posting this one, where I talk about trying to get an abortion in Wisconsin and end up with a miscarriage at work instead. It was a difficult interview, which is why I like it. And, remarkably, I have good hair without trying, which is another reason I like watching the clip.
For those of you who have no idea what I’m talking about. Here’s my twitter that caused uproar. And here’s my post about it. To give you an idea of the recent coverage, here’s the link that is, right now, on the front page of AOL, and here’s a link to an article by Lara Salahi at ABC News — I really like that one.
If you are new to my blog, and you’ve gotten this far, maybe you’ll like staying here for a while. Here’s a good page to begin on: About this blog.
I know I said that that this week is Asperger’s at work week on my blog. Maybe me talking about my miscarriage to newscasters is part of this series. I’m not sure. But I’ve been learning a lot about women from the comments about the miscarriage twitter — on my blog and on other sites. So I’m sure that other people are learning a lot about the lives of women — at work and at home. And that has to be good.
that was amazing. I didn’t have an actual miscarriage at work but I carried the deceased embryo for weeks, eventually losing him at home at night. But you’re right – it took three weeks and I couldn’t, despite what some people at work said (suggesting I should not be there) take three weeks off waiting for it to happen).
thank you for speaking so honestly about it. I don’t know that I could, but women like you can and it’s great.
It would seem to me abortion was legalized about seven years too late.
I am so glad you posted this. You are truly Pro-human. You don’t believe that fetuses deserve more rights than anyone born nor do you, apparently, believe that it is fair that in the majority of cases people vehemently at*tempt* argue that it is justified that only women ever be forced to sacrifice their right to bodily integrity in order to save someone else’s life… thereby becoming less than human and nothing more than a living, breathing life support system. Something like what Rick and Dave would like to see happen, apparently.
Ali, your comments are very ignorant. Anyone who has had a baby will tell you with 100% that that so called fetus is a life “from conception.” We now have ultrasounds in great detail to “prove” what women have for hundreds of years already known, that a baby is a baby, in the womb or outside.
In fact, it’s said the first three months of a baby’s life are its “fourth trimester.” Why shouldn’t it be OK to have infantacide at this point? If your argument is that since a human, like us all, at some point in its life needs outside assistance (this DOES continue after birth), then why stop at the womb???
Sorry, not Dave but Dan.
I had to skip a bunch of comments because I’m in a hurry, so forgive me if this is repetitive, but I really appreciate the way you brought the conversation back around to the fact that states create hoops for women to jump through that make getting this legal surgery more difficult. It’s that sneaky slippery slope that has made abortion impossible, if not illegal, in many parts of the country. Embarrassingly enough, I also didn’t know that a miscarriage took place over time (and I’m a woman!), so that was probably a real service to a lot of people.
I think one of the most educational things for me here is that the comments are very rarely deleted on this blog.
You were phenomenal on TV! I watched the clip and I clapped at the end of it. It’s really powerful, partly because it’s so rare, to see a woman being unapologetic about her health and her body. THANK YOU.
That was awesome. Though I am not as open as you are about my private life, I agree with everything you said. It has long amazed me that nobody talks about abortion or miscarriage in this way– as run of the mill, everyday stuff. Because it is. It is totally normal as possible a woman to be emotional on the subject of reproduction and reproductive health at times, and at other times, to feel utterly matter of fact. You came across as entirely clear-headed.
In fact, I wonder if the two buzz topics of the week on your blog, miscarriage, and Asperger’s haven’t come together in a most auspicious way? Is it possible that some of what you’ve said about Asperger’s, a difficulty picking up on social cues and acting appropriately in response, was part of what led you to speaking (ok, twittering) so frankly? I think a lot of women who felt the way you felt might have balked at speaking this way so as not to offend. I would love to hear more about this.
Thanks for sharing the interview. And I’ve got to say, after what seemed a very rough, scolding start to me– “young lady”– I thought he came around to treating you with respect. It is hard to argue with the essential statement you stuck to about the rights we have in this country.
Penelope, thank you for being a brazen woman, and human being. Your stance takes courage and you had a great interview. People taking this is the type of stand is what our country was founded on.
That interviewer was downright rude, and he completely railroaded the discussion. While some may argue that all publicity is good publicity, I’m not sure that letting yourself get chastised by an ineffective interviewer on TV was a very productive use of your time, especially since the discussion ended up so disjointed.
WOW! I never comment on anything and you have gotten me so riled up I have now commented TWICE on your blog!
You are so awesome. Thank you for speaking out about how ABSURDLEY hard it can be to get an abortion… and how completely unacceptable that is. All of the crazy Christians are out there waving bloody signs and shooting doctors. If the way to fight back is to be open about our experiences then bring it on! I pledge to tell everyone I know, who didn’t already know, that I’ve had an abortion. And it was the best decision I ever made (and I am proud to live in a country where the decision was my own).
Good job with the CNN idiot. Seriously.
yes penelope!!! you are my hero! Don’t listen to the haters, you are progressive and the world needs people like you. thank you.
I weep for you, because any woman who is jubilant about a miscarriage has heart as cold as the center of Dante’s hell.
I don’t think she said she was jubilant about it. Not once. Relief is not happiness. Not always.
(Of course, I meant to say “a” heart. But the point remains.)
Bet you are loving the free advertising!
WOW… I just love how many people come here and post comments… nitpicking about this and that, and all any of the negative comments come down to is that you think there is something wrong with either Penelope’s openness or you disagree with abortion. That’s all many of the negative comments really boil down to.
I’ve been reflecting on a small, little response I had behind my initial applause of your honesty.
To make miscarriages sound run of the mill does diminish, just a bit, the trauma of it all. I am a sub-fertile woman who seems unable to carry a baby to term. I have lost several. I also aborted one when I was 23. To make out that miscarriages are so run of the mill really does make it sounds as if they almost shouldn’t be taken that seriously as a personal loss or tragedy. I can assure when I caught my embryo in my hand, there was nothing run of the mill about that. Ordinary in that it happens to women every day, but not to me every day. Every loss is personal story.
I applaud you Penelope. Why is okay for us to hear about erectile disfunction on every TV channel, but God forbid we should even utter the word miscarriage or abortion?!
The guy on CNN was obviously clueless. So much for impartial news coverage. Keep doing what you’re doing. The world needs more women to speak their mind!
Rock on, sister.
Wow, Lance, I am really dumbfounded at YOUR lack of regard for a woman’s right to choose. There is no celebrating when an unwanted pregnancy is terminated, in this case it is clear she is relieved that it happened naturally.
I have children and I have had a miscarriage when I wanted a baby, it is a horrible experience under virtually any circumstance. And yes, I had to go into my office and go about my work day pretending everything was fine when I was feeling completely physically and emotionally crippled.
For the 2 successful pregnancies I had, those 9 months made me MORE sure that women deserve the right to choose. I cannot imagine going through it when it was unwanted, it could ruin your life and potentially your career (which obvs. at Penelope’s level is a non-issue but for many women it would be).
IMO there are 2 points here:
1) we should be discussing women’s health in the workplace and that includes reproductive health.
2) Women DO have the right to choose and what goes on in Wisconsin makes it extremely difficult to make that choice.
How sad (to put it mildly). I am astonished and dumbfounded at this woman’s lack of regard for the unborn child which was within her. I find her callousness to be very heartbreaking. She carried a precious child within her body, and she is celebrating its death. There simply are no words.
Mentioning a miscarriage is not the problem. It’s how she framed it. “Having a misscarriage… thank God! Too long to wait for an abortion. Now back to my meeting”
How many women delight in having a miscarriage? How many women treat it as if it’s just a blessing and also just a mundane event… a minor interuption in the midst of a meeting?
A baby died the moment of her miscarriage. Had that baby not miscarried and not been aborted… this woman would have a child!!
So, it’s not mentioning a miscarriage that has people shocked and amazed. It’s the fact that she was so fabulously glad to have a miscarriage and lose her obviously unwanted child. By far one of the saddest things I’ve ever read.
This is quite a shameful publicity stunt. Whether a woman chooses a pro-life or a pro-choice stance is a personal decision. The fact that this publicity loving “whore” (words taken from another post) chose to broadcast her miscarriage so callously is extremely sad. Yes, miscarriage is a part of life and should be discussed. But to tweet it? Seriously? Is this the new water cooler talk? I think the world may be going mad. Attitude is everything and hers was disgusting.
Some woman are not maternal and are more interested in persuing their careers. Fine, that is their choice. Obviously, with the word “Brazen” in her blog name she needed a post that would be controversial. She got the attention she was after.
And as a college educated, self-employed, Catholic, pro-choice woman, I find you Penelope, to be a poor excuse of a woman.
Most of the time when a woman miscarriages, it is due to the fact that there is something wrong with the embryo or fetus (genetically, developmentally, etc). It can also be due to environment (womb, health of mother, etc) or other causes. It is most likely if this particular embryo or fetus she was carrying (and I am using these terms because there are the medical terms to describe human life at this point) magically survived to term, it would probably NOT survive on its own. What is great is that the human body has a method for terminating early what would be a tragedy. I am not saying these comments to diminish the hardship of a woman losing a pregnancy when it is truly wanted, or saying these are the only reason for miscarriages, but to bring some biologically facts to the table. BTW, medicine defines a miscarriage has a spontaneous abortion.
You cannot be both Catholic and pro-choice.
Penelope, Just heard you over talk radio (Ryan Doyle), it sounds like you have been asked & judged over miscarriage the last 2 days.
This does fit your week’s post on Asperger, I just heard that you made a joke about u have more twitter followers than he have & he should twit the way you do. He just got pissed off, while you sound a bit childish when taking losing a potential life like as small as farting in a board meeting.
Some people with Asperger has a overly focused perspective, so it seem selfish to others. The way you express losing a potential life as a relief to your life does show how Asperger affect people in spotlight & consider other’s view/perspective.
Just becareful, this will blow over in the next few days.
The CNN video sounded much more considerate & sound than you were on the radio interview I heard too night. (commented above).
It seems like the radio stations using your reaction as a shock value & talking point.
Side note: You look better in this video than your previous interviews 2-3 years ago when your BC book came out.
You rock!!!
Thank you so much for talking about this. Women who have abortions and miscarriages are often shamed and often times have to deal with the experience themselves. Thank you so much for speaking about your experience and sharing with others. We as women should not feel shame about this nor should we be made to feel that we cannot talk about these things. Again, thank you so much and please do continue talking about this.
That was excellent and articulate.
Ignore the haters.
Its interesting. how to have a boy.
how to conceive a baby boy
how to conceive a boy
Im a little disturbed that news presenters are allowed to talk so rudely and adamantly, and express the bias in their opinion and attribute it to their religion.
Well done for handling that interview. It takes a lot of courage to be out there and voice your opinions.
Prude Americans.
Here in Europe, people wouldn’t have caused such a commotion over this.
You did great.
Penelope: You were absolutely right. Your hair did look great!
I still can’t get over that you were going to have to come to Chicago to get an abortion! I feel for the women who aren’t close enough to get somewhere they can have one. I’m off to Planned Parenthood to make a donation.
I confess your tweet made me uncomfortable. But that is easy as I live in Camelot some think. I thought the ABC News article did a good job and made me more comfortable. The fact is I am being perfected over time and know that will fail, so I should not be judgmental of others. Each person has unique circumstances that even a close friend or family member can not fully comprehend so we really need to let each person make their personal choices. Many of my imperfections are hidden from man but I am in no position to judge or imagine what is like to be a young woman at a meeting having a miscarriage that is ironically perceived as a blessing. Your honesty has shown to be productive in the past so I will presume it will bless some this time as well. I know some miscarriages are very sad moments for those striving to have children and I hope that for those better times also lie ahead. Good health to all.
If you have a problem with the above, then you’ll probably also have one with this:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2009/oct/02/menstruation-feminist-activists
Whether Penelope wants to share her personal life with the world is irrelevant to me. Her entire company was founded on the idea of leveraging her personal brand identity. That’s her job.
What bothers me is that she has set herself up as a role model for young workers (Gen Y) and for workers in her own age group (Gen X). I worry that Penelope is telling young women that it’s OK to behave as she does, when the truth is much more complex.
Penelope may have the leeway to blog and tweet and talk about her personal life, but the rest of us don’t. I can tell you with absolute certainty that my boss and coworkers don’t want to know what kind of birth control I am or am not using or how my sex life is or if I’m having a miscarriage. And my boss is a woman, as are many of my coworkers.
Penelope may try to convince you that mixing business and personal is the new model, but having worked in hierarchical businesses for years, I know the opposite is true. Oversharing personal information is what gets women labeled hysterical and emotional which could lead to loss of promotions and responsibility and to loss of income. Is that fair? No. Is it a reality? Yes.
Work is work, and home life is home life. Sometimes they encroach on each other, but making your personal life an open book at work is dangerous business. Penelope tends to oversimplify this fact.
You’re not giving enough credit to the people in Gen X & Gen Y. I’m in the Gen Y group and I admire Penelope. It’s refreshing, reassuring, and a whole list of other things to see a woman who can speak her mind without even a hint of timidity or shame. I’m someone who is easily intimidated by people who don’t agree with me, and this is precisely the reason I chose Penelope as a role model.
At the same time, I know how to use Penelope’s advice. I know that it’s not some “one size fits all” solution. I use her advice when it applies to me, which is not 100% of the time. She has figured out a way to blend her personal life with her business life. I’m self-aware enough to know that might not work for me and I’m sure other young people are smart enough for that too. When I choose role models, I don’t blindly follow them.
Amen to this, Heather – Penelope has little experience in the corporate world. When you are the (Ex) CEO, you can make up your own rules. The majority of the advice she dispenses does/will not play in an F500 company.
Heather, I totally agree with you. My older sister would share her personal details often at work, how she couldn’t get child support, anything that was going on with it, if she couldn’t make ends meet, etc. Guess what? She has been fired from most of her jobs.
To this day, she still can’t understand that her employers want her to work and keep her personal life personal. they are not there to pay her to “talk about her issues” and find herself. I guess I am at an advantage being male as I don’t need to do this at all. In fact, I quite prefer the opposite, the less they know about me, the better.
I’m with you, Dan. I’m female but don’t believe in – and do NOT want to hear from others – any personal details. Or, let’s be honest, personal crap, because that’s what I think of personal details. It isn’t appropriate in the business world – nor are female parts, male parts, reproduction in general, etc. It’s 2009 – we should be past talking about sex and reproduction in general. So 10,000 BC.
Isn’t it sad that so many people feel like they can’t share their true selves with the people they spend the most time with (their coworkers)? That they would be treated as, and treat other people as, a piece of office equipment that exists only to produce work and has no emotions or life outside of work?
I was very touched by something Penelope wrote recently on another post: “So what Gen Y really wants is people to care about other people at work.”
I WANT to know my coworkers on a personal level. Spending that much time around the same people every day and not getting to know them well enough to care about them is so alienating and depressing.
Very well stated…
That comment was directed to Heather:-)
third unwanted pregnancy? Birth control would be the responsible solution.
You rock- nice job!
I have never personally experienced having a miscarriage but I bet the way I handle it, would be entirely different than the woman sitting next to me.
Although this post may offend some women, I applaud you for bringing the topic out in the open in a transparent, matter of fact way. This is something we need to talk about openly both in our personal lives and also in the workplace.
I recently dealt with a personal issue at work. At first, I kept the issue to myself and just took a few days off. However, once I explained the situation to my boss, I was pleasantly surprised at how great he was about it. He treated me with respect and gave me the time I needed to get through it.
Again, thank you for having the courage to do this.
Congratulations! Thank you for speaking out. It is never bad to talk about what is going on in our lives. If people have a problem with what others are saying, they can simply not listen (or read, as the case may be). I don’t understand what the uproar is about. Employers have a right to know why their employees will be missing work and Americans have the right to speak freely. No one should be imposing judgments on you for doing or saying what you’re comfortable doing or saying.
As an adult who survived a catholic childhood, one of the most frustrating things for me is that shroud of secrecy that catholics tend to erect – which creates denial and shame. It’s not healthy. While some people are more private than others, health issues are nothing to hide or be ashamed of. When people talk about what is going on in their lives, they often find support from people they never would have expected. Humans are social creatures and we don’t live in a vacuum. Chances are, if you’re experiencing something, at least one other person in your social circle has experienced it as well and in that person is a source of support. If you don’t talk, you’ll never find that person. Please… keep talking!
Thank you for your part in educating the ignorant morons in this world who think if they don’t talk about something it doesn’t happen. I also had a miscarriage and was thankful to God for it, as I was trying to figure out how to have an abortion, when at a point in time had tried for 7 years to get pregnant. I was very conflicted and God took care of me, just as he did you. Wonderful interview!
I think a lot of people are missing the point.
When you are pregnant, and you do not want to continue the pregnancy, and you want an abortion…
…and the only abortion you can have is 3 weeks from now…
…and you have to face the possibility of carrying this pregnancy which slowly but surely is turning from a few cells that it is right now into a fetus in a week, and then in a couple more weeks, getting beating heart, and in a couple of more weeks, getting more and more human…
… when this happens, and you know you want an abortion…
… which by the way, is totally legal!
then yes, having a miscarriage can be a relief.
(I imagine. )
To the judgmental twits who cannot envision or even tolerate views outside of their own tiny little brains… 1) PT knows what it is like to miscarry a wanted pregnancy. So shut up that she is callous about potential life. This pregnancy was unplanned and unwanted. A miscarriage precluded her jumping through crazy hoops to have the pregnancy medically terminated. It was a “blessing” as they say.
2) Abortion is a legal right in this country. Get over it. The real crime is that people procreate who have no means or ability to support and care for their offspring, thus burdening the rest of us to deal with the poverty, drug abuse, and crime seeded by irresponsible breeding and neglectful, abusive parenting. What are the so-called “pro-lifers” doing about that? Perpetuating it, that’s what. Feh.
3) PT is free to define herself as she wishes. If her work/life division is not as wide as some of us might accept or wish for ourselves, so be it. In this country we have a Constitutional right to the pursuit of happiness. Each of us has the right to define what that is, as long as it doesn’t interfere with the rights of others to do the same, which she has not done. So pound sand.
4) If tweeting about a miscarriage during a board meeting is unconventional and makes people uncomfortable, so what? It means she is breaking down the barriers between us. She is giving voice to our commonality, men and women, all of us. People who do that sort of thing are world-changers: Rosa Parks, Dr. Martin Luther King, Sojourner Truth, Simon De Bouvoir, and on and on. Each of them refused to conform to the conventions of their time. Each of them changed the world. And we are all better off because of it. In the 90s, an unmarried black woman famous in the Boston TV news community had a child. Conservative talk radio hosts and their followers squawked that she should “do the right thing” and resign her television role during her pregnancy, that she was a terrible role model for young girls, etc. Here was a grown woman (not a child herself), educated, articulate, successful, self-supporting, humanitarian, a productive member of society. Yet she was considered a poor role model? On what planet? Those of you belittling PT for her choices are no different than those squawkers. And PT’s choice to speak out instead of hiding is just as ground-breaking and courageous. I don’t think we’ll see a sudden trend of women all over the country announcing their abortions and miscarriages at work. But hopefully, someday we won’t feel the need to hide it or be ashamed of it either. I want my children and grandchildren to live in THAT world.
One more thing. No method of birth control is 100% effective. So, for example, if you have sex once/week for two years and use a 99% effective form of birth control, statistically speaking, you will have one unintended pregnancy in that time. PT is 42 years old. Let’s say that’s 20 years of being sexually active. At 1x/week with a 99% effective form of b.c., that is ten unintended pregnancies. Statistically. PT has had three. Pretty good record if you ask me.
Andrea, abstinence works 100% of the time it has been tried.
Penelope as Rosa Parks or MLK – you have got to be joking! I would be ROFL if it wasn’t so absurd. I am instead crying for the intelligence level of the average Penelope-worshipper. Sad.
Thank you for doing this! People need to talk about things to get them out into the light where everyone can understand & develop educated opinions!
You go.
“I bought into the idea that kids undermine your ability to build an amazing career. And here I am, with the amazing career.” And that will get you where in the end? Might want to start planning now what to say to the two children that God gave you that you coldly rejected in exchange for $MONEY$! What a sad commentary on how low we have sunk as a society when we value money and a career over our very own offspring!
Tom, sad thing is, she’s broke as a joke, not a very successful financial manager if you ask me!
Thanks for the lesson on “What happens when a woman has a miscarriage”. Those of us who grew up catholic boys(like your interviewer) were taught that that is a woman’s private problem. There is no need for you to know and no need to find out later. This worked very well for centuries until woman joined the work force. Now, just as men should understand that Bob’s going to be out of the office for his vasectomy on Friday and be walking funny on Monday, they should also take note of the more common menstrual issues and miscarriages of their female co-workers.
Abortion is a right woman have in the United States (for now, protect it if you plan on keeping it). It is wrong of each state to build barriers to federal rights, but they do. Your freedom of speech and to vote differ greatly from state to state as well. Face it, some states are more free than others.
What gets me about all this controversy is finding out where America’s raw nerves are. Your earlier post touched on incest, Asperger’s syndrome, divorce, relationship disfunctionality, abuse, world trade center attacks, and more. Yet, miscarriage and abortion have struck and outrage with the American public. Scary.
Um, no. Being crass and disgusting deliberatly to garner media attention struck outrage with some people. Using personal issues like miscarriage and abortion to further her career struck outrage with some people. Using a stance of “Women’s Rights” to make a buck struck outrage with some people.
I am so proud of you, Penelope. You did a great job on CNN, and represented me (a working woman who has had a miscarriage)quite well. I applaud your work – bringing the female experience front and center, making people consider it and talk about it. Thank You!
Enjoy your 5 minutes. I believe you’ll be getting a retraction from any, “proposal” you’ve received. Bask in Fame. :)
Great job in the interview! Thank you for your brazenness.
Penelope – you disgust me. Stop having unwanted pregnancies – take some birth contorl and/or stop sleeping with every guy who will look at you twice.
No one begrudges you the right to not want to be pregnant or be happy about it. What bothers people is the casual way you’ve treated a gravely important thing. There are women who have tried for years to conceive or who are unable to carry a child to full-term, and you discard as easily as throwing away a toilet paper roll.
Penelope, I think it’s great that you’re talking about this stuff and I hope you continue to do so.
Mr. Misinformed wrote: “Abortion is a right woman have in the United States (for now, protect it if you plan on keeping it).”
Slavery was once a legal right in this country too, but THANKFULLY people opposed it as being morally wrong, and after states chipped away at it, it was finally overturned.
Just because something is legally permitted doesn’t automatically make it morally correct to do. A group of narrow-minded, agenda driven, MALE Justices got together and decided that (mostly) other men could end the lives of unwanted human beings that are developing inside of women, by performing a “medical” procedure upon them (and making tons of $$$ in the process!)
Whatever happened to a mother’s instinct to protect her offspring at all costs? Are we that intellectually poor that “out of site, out of mind” controls out thought process?
How could women have allowed men to carry out this lie against them for so many years? Medical science has clearly shown that at conception, the DNA is set for a HUMAN BEING (not a frog, cat, or zebra) and that the developmental process has begun. That former woman’s egg which has now been fertilized by the male’s sperm develops into a fetus, a baby, a newborn, a toddler, a young child, a teenager, a young adult, an adult, a senior citizen and then that human life ceases at some point. Abortion is an arbitrary decision to end that life at a point in its development.
Why can’t our human race see that we are killing our fellow human beings? The intellectual dishonesty that must be employed to agree with, perform, undergo and promote abortion is mind-boggling!
Weird you talk about slavery and then argue women shouldn’t have any right to choose.
Why do pro-lifers always equate the option to do something with the promotion of something? Here’s something they seem to forget: abortions happened way before they were legal, and if somehow they were rendered illegal again, they would continue to go on. The difference is how many mothers die while abortions are legal versus illegal. For a group so predicated on protecting life, I’m always shocked how much they propose legislation that effectively puts more humans in grave physical danger.