Get pregnant at 25 if you want a high-powered career
Every once in a while a high-profile woman will divulge the dirty underbelly of trying to be a woman in the work world. I remember the first time I saw it. It was when Brenda Barnes stepped down from a huge career at Pepsi to be with her kids. And she announced that she felt like a bad parent spending so much time away from them. Thereby implying that the other moms with huge jobs like hers were also ignoring their kids.
This week, there is another ground-breaking example of a woman stepping down from a very high place: Anne-Marie Slaughter (pictured above). She is a dean at Princeton and she was director of policy planning in the State Department. She wrote a breathtaking article in the Atlantic titled, Why Women Still Can’t Have it All, about stepping down from her State Department job to take care of her two teenaged boys. She says, in the article, that she is taking much better care of them when she is not away from them.
This shouldn’t be groundbreaking to say. But after twenty years of deafening feminist diatribe it is actually controversial to say that a mom is a better mom if she is home with her kids. So that in itself makes the Atlantic article worth reading.
Here’s another thing Slaughter does that I love. She takes down Sheryl Sandberg for telling other women to be like her and spend their days working insane hours for startups. I have written before about how ludicrous is is for Sandberg to think she’s a role model for women when there is a huge amount of research to say that women who have kids want part-time jobs. Sandberg assumes that women want high-powered jobs like hers and don’t have those jobs because there are no role models. Slaughter sets the record straight: women don’t want high powered jobs because they want to be home with their kids.
It’s ridiculous that it’s controversial to say that most women want to parent differently than most men. It’s ridiculous because there is scientific basis for this and a social basis for this and the women who argue against it are always women who do not have school-aged kids and a high powered job. So you know what? If you are going to argue in the comments section that women can have a high-powered job and school aged kids, please qualify yourself with the age of your kids and the number of hours you work per week.
Here’s how many hours I worked at my startup when I had young kids: 80. And my investors thought I was part-time—which I was, compared to how many hours other startup founders work. I’m just putting a number out there so you can have a benchmark for what high-pressure, high-powered jobs demand. Slaughter traveled almost nonstop for her job. And so do most people at that level.
So I loved Slaughter’s article. And I loved that women are coming forward to say that it is literally impossible to have a high-powered career while you have young kids, if you want to be involved in your kids’ lives. The best thing older women can do for younger women right now is to tell the truth. It’s hard to tell the truth because if you are trying to do the high-powered job and the kids, you will kill your career by admitting that it’s impossible.
But here’s the truth for women: You should not plan your life so that you work until you’re 30 and then have kids, and also have a huge career. Because you will be taking care of kids during the very time when all the men you worked with are working harder and longer hours than ever before. Men who have kids are in a great position to climb the ladder. They have wives at home. Women cannot go full speed ahead until the kids are grown up. Slaughter has great evidence for this. But you should be able just to look around and see that this truth. My favorite example: All the male Supreme Court Justices have families. Two of the three women do not. And the one who does, Ruth Bader Ginsburg, did not start her career until her kids were grown.
Slaughter lays out a great plan. It’s tucked into the article, among a lot of other calls to action. But she says, if you want to have a huge career, have kids when you are 25 so your kids will be grown when you are 45, because there will still be time to have a huge career.
Of all the ideas for having a big career and being a mom, this is the best one out there. Young women should use what we’ve learned so far and do things better than the generations that have come earlier. It’s too late for Generation Y since most of them have past the age when they would need to be finding a guy to marry. But there’s hope for the women of Generation Z.
Women from age 20 to 25 should focus on finding a guy to marry, and then build your career slowly, while you have kids. Which is what other generations did—they just started having kids five or ten years later.
This also means women will need to start dating men who are older than they are. This also seems like a good idea. Men, of course, love younger women. But more than that, women who are in their twenties are in their prime in terms of self-confidence. They are physically very desirable, and they are doing better at work than men. Men, on the other hand, are at their nadir of self-confidence in their twenties. They are not making money, which is something that is very valuable on the dating scene. And they are not doing as well as women at work. Men look way better in their 30s when the women have left the workplace and the men have a more solid grip on their earning power.
So men and women dating in their 20s is a lot like girls and boys slow dancing when their are 12. The girls are so much farther along developmentally that it’s absurd.
So look. Here’s my first post directed solely at Generation Z women: Spend the years from age 20-25 focused on getting married. There is no evidence that doing well in school during that period of your life will get you worthwhile benefits. There is no evidence that waiting longer than 25 makes a better marriage. And there is not evidence that women who do a great job early in their career can bank on that later in their career. There is evidence, though, that women who focus on marriage have better marriages. There is evidence that women who have kids earlier have healthier kids, and there is evidence, now, that women who have grown children by age 45 do better at getting to the top in the workforce than all other women with kids.
Women who are feeling paranoia and worry crawl up your neck – don’t worry. Relax. This article was meant to give you hope that you can still have a viable career even with growing kids. I personally really feel that this is valid and necessary to say to women. It’s empowering advice and furthermore – it’s not a new idea. We always have options even when we feel like we don’t.
Where I disagree with this article is the black & white solution of having kids before you’re 25.
Point blank – If you’re not ready for kids at 25… If you haven’t found Mr.Right… This article MIGHT make you feel that you’re doing something wrong. And the truth is – you could in fact be doing something very RIGHT by holding off on those things.
So while this article lifts the spirits of young mothers and mothers who made the decisions highlighted as solutions… It has the backfiring effect of making those who have not found husbands (and therefore can’t have kids) feel like they’re not on the right track.
And I just want to throw in my 2 cents and say – Every woman is different. What works for one woman will not work for all.
Though I don’t completely agree, I like the “outside the box thinking” and willingness to say what could offend majority agendas. Some of my thoughts that fall under those two categories as well are:
* If your goal is to get married (which many of my still-single friends would remind you is not entirely up to you) and have kids (again, not a guarantee) by 25, you would have to actually be raised to maturity more quickly than our current parenting generation seems to be able to churn out selfless, mature adults. The mother of Jesus was able to reach this point around age 14, while I thank my lucky stars that my selfish self didn’t birth a child until 30 because I was barely ready to take care of another human being at that point. We need to go back to raising children to mature adulthood at earlier ages which means less helicopter parenting, no coddling, making them work, reminding them that its not all about them, etc. It would be a huge generational shift.
* Also, part of what has saved me from needing the high-paying career while I’m a full-time mom is that we have lived in a community environment most of our parenting lives. We co-bought 2 different houses with 2 different families and the shared mortgage enabled the two moms to stay home with our kids. A total unforeseen blessing and one I highly recommend to everyone. Community living is another value that our current generation has lost sight of…
* Also, like many of the huge life decisions we have to make, you’ve got to trust a higher power outside yourself. You can only go so far trying to make everything happen according to your limited vision. Some of the best things that ever happened to me were things I never planned and the looming pressures of raising lovely children, paying for college, affording health care for a big family, etc. have to be surrendered to the One who knows the plans He has for us.
Thanks for the food for thought – love being woman and dialoguing about important, beautiful ideas.
(Typing with one hand as I gratefully nurse my fourth child at age 38)
i am here to give testimony on how Dr Helen made dream come to past been a mother,i have been married for up to 14 years now with no issues of children.this has been a problem between my husband and i we have gone for so many kind of tests to different hospitals in and out of the country to different kinds of medical check up. every doctor we have ever approached in the name of child bearing are always saying positive results that there is nothing wrong with us i have even to the extent gone to see spiritualists and see pastors for the same problem because it was really unbearable to me.there was a day i called on of my friends who had the same problem for over 20 years with no issue too so then i asked her how far has she gone about it.then she told me that she was pregnant with her third kid, i was really surprised about it and so i asked her it happened so she told me that someone linked her to Dr grace who prepared some roots and herbs medicine,i was really desperate to have my own baby and so i collected Dr Helen’s phone number and email and contacted her right away to see how lucky i was going to be, and so i called her and explained everything to her and then she prepared roots and herbs and prescribed on how my husband and i should take it and so we did hoping for the best to come out of it.for about two months or there about i noticed that my mensuration did not come as it use to i called my husband at the office and told him what i noticed so he drove down to the house and later went to our personal doctor to ask him what was going on and then i went for a test immediately the test cane out from the laboratory, the doctor gave my husband a hand shake and told us congratulations that we are going to have twin a boy and a girl so my husband was really happy that he was going to be a father at last. 9 months later just as it happened i gave birth to a bouncing baby boy and a bouncing baby girl. am really most grateful to Dr Helen for making my husband and i happy. for all you women who is having the same problem as i did never give up on it Dr Helen is the solution. please contact her on childrensolutionhospital@gmail.com.
First off, this is one of the most horribly abrasive rude thing I have ever read. If you follow this train of logic, why even try in high school? Why go to college… why do anything with your life or have any hobbies or interests? If that’s what a 20-25 year old supposed to “focus on”… then schooling, interests… they’re all pointless. What happens if you don’t “find” that person in that time frame… I mean phew, I was 25 when we met, I almost missed the cut off. There is nothing wrong with wanting a job or career. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be a stay at home mom. Both are fine, worthy, and personal choices! I believe being a stay at home mom is much harder.. much harder… and yes, I am working towards going down to part time. I understand the thought that being in a high powered job and a parent is hard. I have nothing close to a high powered job, and work 30 hours a week, and it is very hard… I agree… but to say that it’s essentially wrong to do that… that’s horrible, shame on you for being so judgmental! Not everyone finds someone by the time they hit the magic age of 25, not everyone is ready to be married (MANY are way too immature), and sometimes having kids is right away is complicated or not a smart idea… Marriage is much more important that pushing kids out as soon as possible.. if the marriage isn’t stable and healthy, then what’s the point of having kids right away? It certainly isn’t going to make the marriage any better… The main point, the only point that I want to make is that every family is different… and I can’t believe anyone would really say these kind of things out loud… EVERY family is on different time tables, and every family has different cirsumstances. They should not be made to feel guilty for the choices of waiting to get married, waiting to have kids, and making sure they are financially stable by working if they have to instead of stressing marriages by quiting jobs they might need to survive.
I was only 19 years old when I got married the first time. And, I had two kids by the age of twenty-three. I got divorced, was a single mom, then climbed my way up the corporate ladder. I am now only 37 years old with a 17 and 14 year old and I am in a director position. Although, I don’t work over 50 hours per week because I do not believe in selling my soul to the devil for my career. I believe that there is a balance that one can create between career and family and that has always been my goal – to juggle the demands of both and still feel confident in my mothering and my work. However, I could never imagine having an infant or a toddler right now. It’s definitely a lot easier having two teens (one who is driving) right at the point when my career is really taking off.
The choices I made when I was young turned out to actually work in my favor once I found my motivation to be ambitious and successful. Imagine that!
“Spend the years from age 20-25 focused on getting married. There is no evidence that doing well in school during that period of your life will get you worthwhile benefits.”
Wow sorry that I’d personally much rather work hard and get a fantastic degree than hook a guy and pop a sprog. I feel completing my course to the best of my ability is a much more worth while pursuit than finding someone to marry.
For all the ladies that do want to do that, power to you! Go for it! But it’s ok not to want that too, and your life isn’t going to suffer just because you haven’t lived it the way some blogger tells you you should.
– 21 year old girl in university whose #1 dream (shock horror) isn’t spawning.
Check back when you are over 40….then tell us everything you DIDN’T know at 21. You know NOTHING at 21
This is great!!! I still beat myself up at times about leaving a great job when I was 31 to be home with my 3 girls. I am now 41 and they are ages 17-12-10. I have done both and the FACT IS it is impossible to do be a good mom and have a huge career. It was the best choice I ever made. I plan to go back to work full time in 2 years. I will only be 43 and I can say my kids know me, love me, I raised them, they are well adjusted and really nice girls. Why? Because I was there for them all the time. Kids are so much work and so complicated. I still have the opportunity to get back in the game. In the last decade, I have managed to keep my hand in the game just enough while taking great care of myself and my health. I have not been in the kind of physical shape I am in now since I was 18. That, too is often overlooked by these women who claim they have it all. There is no way ANYONE can have their health and fitness if one only sleeps 4 hours a night. Clearly you don’t have mental health if you brag about the fact that you only sleep 4 hours a night. That is DYSFUNCTIONAL!! I look at Hilary Clinton and admire all she does, but it does not take a genius to see that her health is clearly not good. What does it say for a person if they don’t have the commitment and self discipline to take care of one’s health first? It doesn’t matter how high-powered etc etc u r……it speaks VOLUMES if you are 60 lbs overweight! No one can work 80+ hrs a week, have good kids, be a healthy example to those kids, eat a balanced diet and actually squeeze in a little exercise. Attempting to do so is INSANE!
I just turned 24, and it is funny when asked what scared me the most my response was, ‘not seeing the world because I am too focused on my career goals, or seeing the world and abandoning my great career I’m starting to establish’.
I’ve been in relationships none that lasted more than two years but I know the feeling of wanting to settle down. I always imagined at my age I would be married and have children by now, but here I am single and child free, yet happy and I feel like my world view has opened up so much more.
I dunno maybe this article isn’t for me because I don’t desire a ‘high power career’ I just want to be successful. So I guess I just hope that people reading realize high powered careers aren’t for everyone. I value the experiences I have gained being able to travel and such more than I would having a high stress/high power job some day.
For me experiencing the world in my 20-25 will empower and develop me then in my 25+ I will make some babies. =)
Being the overachiever I am – I saw this dilemma early and my solution was to make enough to retire by the time I was in my early 30s and work part time from there on out. It means my 20s though, was VERY career-focused, but now I’m in a position of choices.
I read that article and was gobsmacked by the suggestion of having kids before 25 and when I saw it here I wanted to barf! Not because of some feminist/modernist ideas but because of: “how the hell is that possible?” How on earth am I supposed to pick a life partner and procreate with him in less than 1.5 years? I haven’t even figured out how to make sure i brush my teeth everyday or how to eat healthy? I broke up with my last bf because he was pushing me into married life when I didn’t feel the least prepared nor the least desirous of spending my life with him. I can honestly say I have not met a single man that I would actually want to marry. And even if I did meet him now, I wouldnt want to get married right away. I know you say waiting past 25 doesnt make a better marriage but I simply cannot believe the stats. I don’t even know myself, how the heck should I recognize a life partner? And I want to improve myself, I want to figure out how to eat healthy so I know how to feed my kids is probably the least of my concerns! What if my kids have some kind of disability? I want to have money saved!
Talk about high standards and pressure! I feel like I have now completely screwed my life over because I have not managed to find someone to procreate with! This seems to me like putting even more pressure on women. FML.
@ Jim…The problem with a man in his 30s staying home w the kids is infidelity…Men faced with the kind of thankless job that is a homemaker, the wifes long hours away from home, possible travel, being “too tired” etc….WILL cheat and probably with the hot stay at home mom on your block…men are walking balls of testosterone, office affairs are common, imagine the kind of self affirmation and validation a stay at home dad will require…just sayin…we need to roll it back to whete moms stayed home n raised the kids, not a nanny, not a day care center. Yes todays kids have more stuff. So what, theyre lazy, shallow, have poor morals and think theyre entitled to everything. America has become the laughingstock of world. Stop the materialistic, consumeristic, thinking amd values n lets take back THE FAMILY.
Lol guess I should do a spelling and grammer check before posting. Forgive the typos…And I am 46, had my children YOUNG, went to school, and through a divorce all in my 20s. I HAD no other choice but to work and support them. No help no child support, the kids are who suffered in my absence. They pay the price every day with their ISSUES. So today at 46 , after 20+ years as a nurse im now.staying home w my 4 year old grandson to keep him out of daycare while his single MOM establishes herself in her career at 26. Every one is different. You cant write an article based on your own experiences and then say this is the new blueprint. Ya in a perfect world maybe….but i agree that moms need to.stay home and we need to take back the family…I think adultry should be a crime…its SELFISH and destroys the family the KIDS suffer..and this idea of starter wives makes me sick..these men wouldnt be where they are without the women they tossed aside just because they wanted a ykunger model…thanks viagra..
You are very misguided if you think trying to swing into your career at 40 will work. Having had to be a caretaker for both parents with parkison’s and althzeimer’s, I took a break in my academic career only to be saddled with ageism. While men are allowed to grow old gracefully in their careers, women are not granted the same privileges and you will find yourself passed over for many promotions because you don’t seem to have the “energy” of your younger, perkier colleagues. I think believing that “things will get better” when you are older is just a foolish as believing that women can have it all. Things will not get better for women until they fight back against a system called “patriarchy” which has worked against them for thousands of years–not simply accomodate it and pretend it will all work out. If that man leaves you while your kids are young, without a career, for example, you will find yourself in the poor house. This is precisely why women in the 60 and 70s wanted to have a career, so they weren’t stuck in situations where the man who wield so much power over their futures. Under patriarchy, no matter what you do to try to improve your lot, women still can’t have it all.
Part of the reason I’m wary of blogs is that they allow people to disseminate inaccurate information to wide audiences, without any accountability. I sincerely hope that any woman between the ages of 20 and 25 (like myself) who reads this will do some of her own outside research before taking any of this advice to heart.
I read Anne-Marie Slaughter’s article and I agree with her overarching point that timing is key when it comes to planning for both children and a career (though this blog post glaringly omits the fact that Ms. Slaughter also suggested that women have children AFTER they achieve career success—the ORDER matters less than recognizing that they will probably want to scale back after having kids).
However, the stipulation here that marriages are just as likely to succeed no matter how young the parties involved is simply NOT TRUE. In fact, women between the ages of 20 and 24 are the MOST LIKELY TO GET DIVORCED of any age demographic.
36% of women who get divorced were between the ages of 20 and 24 at the time they married, and 73% of women who get divorced were age 24 and under, altogether. Even women who get married between the ages of 25 and 29 still account for 16% of divorces (One of many sources: http://www.mckinleyirvin.com/blog/divorce/32-shocking-divorce-statistics/) In other words: this is the absolutely worst age you could get married at.
It’s all well and good to recommend to women that they stagger the time they focus on kids vs. a career, or to suggest that it’s biologically a safer bet to have kids earlier rather than later…………….but if you plan on getting married before 25, plan on signing a prenup.
Normally I don’t learn post on blogs, however I would like to say that this write-up very compelled me to check out and do so! Your writing taste has been surprised me. Thank you, very nice post.
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I take issue with this section of the article:
“…But more than that, women who are in their twenties are in their prime in terms of self-confidence.”
This statement could not be further from the truth. As a female, my self-confidence did not fully materialize until my mid-30’s…and it has grown stronger with each passing year. I actually cringe when I think back to my lack of self-confidence in my 20’s.
This article was strange. It seemed to be way out of touch with my personal reality and the reality of every other person that I know, educated or not educated.
I dated a guy from age 21-25 and then left him. I have never looked back. All of my friends that I know who have stayed with their partners that they met in their early 20’s really seem to be struggling with finding emotional satisfaction in their relationships.
Plus, I don’t see why a woman would be any less self confident at 25 than at 55? In fact, it would really be the opposite. But I think that this article focused too much on a woman’s appearance and fertility than it did on the actual person living in the woman’s body.
Nobody takes you seriously in the corporate world until you’re 35-40 anyway so have your kids when you are young (if that is an option). I was 23 and 25 when I had my two boys and will be early forties by the time the youngest is 18. Doing the juggle of full-time job and post-graduate study at the moment and lucky to have great support from the husband and family. Even though it is busy right now it is nowhere near a high flying career. Knowing that I have the framework (qualifications and experience) set up and I won’t have the mum-guilt later makes me happy and optimistic about my career going forward. It is hard a lot of the time for women, it can feel like the office (or golf club/pub depending on where they make their big decisions and get contracts signed) is male dominated and when I look around within my industry (finance) the women up top are over 40 with kids grown or never been married women with no kids that can fly off to a remote location for a meeting at a moments notice or stay back late (not having to run off at 5pm because after school care will close soon after). While not everyone wants that sort of career…I do, and the article raises many points that I agree with entirely.
I never planned to get married and have kid in my 20’s but I did. It was a learning curve for all aspects in my early life. I have reaped some rewards and left some messes as I grew up.
By 45, I have finished paying my dues, as well as all big ticket items, which is liberating…. finally.
It was extremely difficult to joggle, even with a small, unimportant career in my 20s. There were just endless “after work” errands to catch up with, when you have young child at home. I have to exit that office feeling like I am stealing from them under my co-worker’s scrutiny, even with that 30 mins overtime before I signed off.
Yes, I didn’t get that promotion I sooooo think I deserved.
But I also feel less pressured to perform when I have PTA meeting or when my boy got measles, I took a half day here and there for his doctor’s appointments.
My body was younger back then to handle any stress without causing me a stroke.
And now, my PMS probably boosting my performance at work with all natural male hormones have never had. Lol.
When I look at my friends who has kids at their 40’s, I can’t imagine how they can pull that off without an army.
I definitely disagree with this notion of solving the issue of not being there for your children by simply having them early. No-one is suggesting that women wait until their 40s, your late twenties are fine as you usually have some inkling as to what you want to do/where you want to go, and you’ve still had time to travel, get financially stable, have a stable relationship and have gotten somewhere on the career ladder. However, early and mid-twenties are for enjoying whilst you have the freedom. It’s advocating early procreation that gives young parents (often too young parents) validation and encourages the idea that it’s fine to jump into forming families just after leaving education themselves. Therefore, they see nothing wrong in the fact that their accidental pregnancies are putting a strain on the economy AND rapid population growth. And to top it all off, they go on to have even more children at a young age, and their children go on to do the same. It’s a never-ending cycle that needs to be stopped, not encouraged.
Great article! Im a single male 44, CTO of a startup so can empathise with the long hours slog and the fact that it might just be a waste of a life. Here in Ireland, theres always Press talk of ‘Why isnt there more high powered women in government, startups etc, and the implication is that there is discrimination and positive discrimination is needed! What rubbish. any women I know, would prefer to look after their children instead of work as they feel its more rewarding and ultimately more in line with their life goals. Some career women I know, can perform the balancing act of kids and high powered jobs but these ladies cut back their work hours to the absolute minimum. Again, better work life balance. Cutting back hours, all things being equal, means getting less work done, no matter how smart you are. So the other person that works harder will get the job. There are a lot vacant medical consultancy positions (ie not enough doctors) because some women that had their act together early, got married early, got to medical college early , got the consultancy and then went part time. They kept men out of those same college positions because they were focussed enough and mature enough at that point in their lives to get the exams.It is true that women mature earlier than men, mentally.
Maybe it would have been better if men got those positions as they would still be working as full time consultants in their 40’s , 50’s etc. The only point Im making here, is that women may want to parent differently to men, and theres absolutely nothing wrong with that. But in addition, theres everything wrong with positive discrimination to have greater female representation in certain industries even if they wont work as hard as their male counterparts, because they have a better grasp of work life balance (ie have kids they want to parent). Life is about choices.If you choose to work really hard to try and attain your goals, good for you. If you choose to have a family and prioritise that, good for you. Just understand that multitasking doesnt let you do 2 tasks as well as the other person doing one task . Do 1 task 100% well or 2 tasks 50% well.Life is a balancing act of time, resources/money, and life goals. aka the triple constraint.
I think the authors ideas are right on. Today’s feminist tells women to put off love and family and build a career. Nature doesn’t work that way. My own wife at age 15 took a look at her older sister and saw the flaws in idea of building a career first. My wife ate age 16 took interest in me since we attended the same church. She quickly let me know her feelings for me. I was five years older, working and going to college. We began dating, courting very soon after that and by age 19 I asked for her hand. After graduating college we got married. My darling wife had our boys stage 22 and 23 and then proceeded to work on her career after staying home with our sons.
I really want to leave my Job and take care of my kids but what if, I lose my husband in some accident. Who will take care of my kids and pay the bills? Life Insurance cant run your family forever and pay for your child’s higher education. It is this constant fear because of which I work. Tell me what should people like me do, who have this insecurity which is very much reasonable.
I just found this article when I googled ‘done with kids by 30’. I have 3 and am 29, and I’m done. My friends are powering ahead with their careers, my husband has not missed a beat in his career, and I am plodding along, slowly. It’s frustrating as I have always had strong career ambitions, but it helps to know that others have given my situation serious thought! I feel less unusual and empowered – I have done the right thing for my own career! Thank you!
If you’re a young woman in her late teens/early twenties reading this, take heed. I am 31 now, single, and just starting to realize that I’ve completely messed up in terms of having anything, never mind “it all”. The main reason that it all went downhill for me is because my father passed away after a long term illness when I was 22. I didn’t realize how much that period of my life affected me until much later, but everything from the scores of family friends that we lost when he got sick to the lack of financial stability that I’m living with to this day to the period of mourning that cut into my prime marriage-seeking years has destroyed my chances. I pursued education in spite of all of those things and while I have been moderately successful (finishing one graduate program and getting admitted to a fairly competitive one), I wish I would have invested that time and energy into finding a spouse when I was young. Now I’m staring down a very lonely and poor existence for the rest of my days.
Please don’t be like me.
I think, sorry , I believe the writer is someone who still cant loose the grip of her mother,s old teaching guidelines and rather than making her husband do something for kids..comme on you have already stressed out your body in the worst way possible on the earth to get a baby out of your body…..cant he take off and take care of kids for u . more than that u aRe asking women to see that u hav got to marry early because guys are slow learners they wont get a stable job till they are 30 and girls u are intelligent so find a job till 23 and marry by 24 and bore a kid by 25…why?
because guys are babies and your life should be revolving oround them..
well!neva thought I will say this but wasn’t expecting chavenism from a women..
I am sorry that I sounded rude..don’t take anything at heart…its just that chauvinism gets to my head…everyone have their opinon
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Thanks for this interesting take. I’m 23 and engaged, so this timeline would be possible for me. The only part I did differently is marrying someone my own age (well, one year older, but still). I feel like most people have the assumption that having kids when you are younger is damaging to your career, so I appreciate just having someone get me to think twice about that and reconsider. Ultimately I’ll have to see where we are financially, psychologically, etc. by then before I could make any real plan, but it’s an interesting paradigm to have on my radar.
Its a really tough decision. Im 23, have one year left of my Chinese degree and have a fiance who is older than me and would have a baby in a heartbeat. I have always said to myself that i will have a successful career and then focus on a family. However, i thought this before i met my fiance. More recently, and not from any pressure from my fiance, i have been seriously considering the beauty of having children( probably 2 or 3) now, and sort my career out later. I have always been an A* student and what worries me is that in 5 years once i have 2 children both 2 + that i will be behind in the career market compared with my peers.
However, i look at my mum (45 with two kids, she had us aged 20),and how happy she is now with a standard successful career and able to focus on what she wants after successfully raising two children who she now has a close bond with, and isnt too old to take our children to the park.
Me and my fiance have the added bonus of owning our own home and pretty settled now.
Im really not sure what the answer is, but i look at the other option of following my career and waiting probably at least 5 years to get to a relatively high place in my career, and then stopping to have children and maybe losing my way with my career altogether. At least if i have children now, i can fully focus on my career once my children are a little older. It seems like it would be less disruptive this way and id be a young fit mum.
And contrary to what some people say about missing out on your 20’s, i have friends who are 26 to 30 who are desperate to find a partner and have kids and who havent made the most of their 20’s.
Basically i think that you should make your own mind up based on your own experiences and beliefs and not worry yourself silly, instead, plan, and work hard to make whatever path you take right for you.