Living up to your potential is BS

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Living up to your potential is BS

The idea that we somehow have a certain amount of potential that we must live up to is a complete crock. People who say they are not living up to their potential do not understand what living means.

Life is very hard. We each probably have some fundamental goals, even if we don’t think of them consciously. First of all, getting up in the morning is very hard. It is fundamentally an act of optimism. Because surely you have already realized that most days are not full of happiness. They are full, but with something else. Yet we still get out of bed every day, thinking that the day is going to be good. That’s a big deal. A huge leap of faith. I spend a lot of time wondering why more of us don’t kill ourselves, and I never come up with a great answer.

The next big goals we have are the spiritual kind: Be good, be kind, treat people with respect. You probably don’t write these on your to do list, but now that you read them, surely you are thinking to yourself, “Oh yeah, I want to remember to do that.”

So already, life is very full. For example, I just took the red eye home from San Francisco. But if you live in a little town like Madison, Wisconsin, there is, really, no red eye. There is only half a red eye to Chicago, a traumatic awakening at 5am, and then an 8am flight to Wisconsin. By the time I get to my gate, treating people with respect takes pretty much everything that is left of my potential.

Living up to your potential is not crossing off everything on your to do list on time, under budget. Or canonizing your ideas in a book deal. Really, no one cares. You are not on this earth to do that. Trust me. No one is. You are on this earth to be kind. That is your only potential.

And then you have to earn a living.

It’s no coincidence that everyone who is walking around bitching that they are not living up to their potential is talking about how they should be more successful at work. Because “living up to potential” is really just code for “not being recognized as the talented genius that I am.”

How about this? How about saying, “I was so good at getting high marks in school. Why am I not catapulting up the corporate ladder?” The answer, of course, is that most of getting what you want at work is about having social skills, and school doesn’t measure that. So there you go—if you insist on talking about living up to your amorphous potential, the reason you’re not doing it, most likely, is that you are not being kind enough at your work.

If you want to live up to your potential, be as nice as you can be. Be as respectful as you can be. Be as honest with yourself as you can be. Because you can’t be honest with other people if you are not honest with yourself.

What can you do if you think you are living below your potential?

1. Recognize that it’s delusional. You are who you are, and you should just be you. Have realistic, meaningful goals for your life, like: Be kind. Be engaged. Be optimistic. Be connected. Most people who say they are not living up to their potential are not talking about this most-important stuff.

2. Recognize that the world isn’t a race. A race assumes that everyone has an inborn ability to reach a personal best. If you stop racing, you stop wondering what that inborn ability is. I mean, really, “living up to one’s potential” is always relative. You are really talking about your ability to kick everyone else’s butt at something. And it’s not a pleasant thing to say. When you stop looking at the world as a competition, then you can stop wondering why you’re not coming in first place.

3. Recognize that you sound like your mother. “Living up to your potential” is a phrase from a grade-school report card. It is elementary-school speak. It is your parents saying you need to do more homework. It is your mother saying “Joey, you’re a genius. Why don’t you get straight A’s? Look what you do to your mother!” In almost every case when someone says, “You are not living up to your potential,” the proper answer is, “So what?” Because it’s always someone trying to tell you that the thing you should contribute to this world is something other than kindness.

227 replies
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  1. MJ
    MJ says:

    I think PT has sold the blog to Alastair Carnegie, Dale et al and took the proceeds shopping in NYC…

  2. Alastair Carnegie
    Alastair Carnegie says:

    @MJ,

    “OUCH!”

    I will have all of you know, PT has not as far as I know been in negotiations with Carnegie Corporation. If she ever does, it is up to her to tell us all about it. I think Yoo are probably after her? I will ask John when he gets back from vacation 2nd September.

  3. Alastair Carnegie
    Alastair Carnegie says:

    Signs of the Times.

    Recently our Archbishop of York, who incidentally has precedence over the Prime Minister, jumped out of an aeroplane in the capapable hands of the Red Devils, WITHOUT A PARACHUTE! just for charity! It’s hard to keep up with the strange publicity stunts going on.
    http://aaron-titherington.memory-of.com/About.aspx

    “….He was studying music and music technology at Nelson and Colne College when he died.
    His determination in the face of his illness brought him attention from a wealth of famous names. He met Cardinal Basil Hulme, and was taken on a helicopter ride with Noel Edmonds and the presenter’s Airborne Trust charity, as well as meeting pop stars, actors and other personalities….”

    My Home Town. Bonnie Colne.

    Sister Veronica (From Colne)was Director of Communications to His Late Holiness Pope John Paul II, and Private Secretary to H.H. Pope Benedict. We will keep you informed.

    Cardinal Basil Hulme, had a coffin ready to cart him off at his last Easter Celebration. His Doctor thought he would never make it throgh the Service. Basil’s last request to his congregation, and he made the request with tear stained emotion, concerned the urgent message of ‘Hope’ that must be broadcast to all peoples and Nations. That is our mission. It is NOT false hope. we can all play our part.

  4. The Onion
    The Onion says:

    Family Comes First, Reports Man Trying To Get Out Of Work

    EDINA, MN – – Frank Noller, married father of two and advertising copywriter for Harton & North, extolled the virtues of family and parental responsibility in an attempt to leave the office 45 minutes early Monday. “My [14-year-old] son’s got a bad cough,” Noller told his boss before leaving, sighing unhappily as if he would have preferred to remain at work and do his job. “Gotta keep your priorities straight.” Upon arriving home, Noller informed his wife that he would not be able to attend his daughter’s gymnastics recital because he was “swamped with work.”

  5. Alastair Carnegie
    Alastair Carnegie says:

    @Chris,

    Oops spelt your name wrong!:-(…Cris?)

    The ending to the Buddhist attached to service joke:-

    After demanding to be sent back from paradise, the reception angel said that would be impossible, as the Buddhist was assigned to be the Preacher’s guardian angel, and he was due to be sent back, born deaf and blind.

    “Can’t we swap places” Asked the Buddhist Monk, “I love quiet and solitude”

    “That would mean that Preacher would become your guardian angel, are you sure you want that?”

    “Tell him to find a cure!”

    “If he does find a cure,” said the Angel, “that would probably result in the cure being preached all over the world.”

    “OK….DEAL!” said the Buddhist.

  6. Dave
    Dave says:

    Maybe updating this regularly is beyond PT’s abilities – this really dissapoints me. I mean, she had such potential… ;)

  7. Alastair Carnegie
    Alastair Carnegie says:

    @Dave,

    Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!….

    If you can stand it? another lame Buddhist Joke:-

    “What’s the sound of one hand clapping?”

    Answer:- “That’s soooooooooo easy it’s a breeze!”

  8. Grace
    Grace says:

    I like this attachement thread.

    Krishna Murti said, “Attachment is the cause of all suffering.”

    Jesus did not say money was evil, but that the love of money was the root of all evil.

    So where our treasure is, there will be our hearts. What we really value will be reflected in the allocation of our time and resources.

  9. Alastair Carnegie
    Alastair Carnegie says:

    I am currently attached to jokes, I think my search engine is joining in with the fun? Who said computers have no heart?

    http://corky.net/scripts/poeticJustice.html

    Quote:-
    COLUMBIA TITLE CARD: ONCE UPON A TTME IN SOUTH CENTRAL LOS We hear voices:
    one male, the other female. From the tone of their speech and the
    accompanying music, we can tell we are entering a romantic scene.

    FADE IN:

    1 INT FANCY NEW YORK APARTMENT–DINING ROOM–NIGHT Where we see a romantic
    scene played out between a man and a woman. Both are white. The couple have
    just finished a candlelit dinner.

    BRAD: You like your wine? Want s’more?

    She nods her approval.

    PENELOPE: Mmmmm you’re good. Candles, dinner, wine. What’s next?

    He grins.

    BRAD: Let me set the mood.

    >>>>>?????

  10. Aaron
    Aaron says:

    Now I know why Penelope has (had?) a 2 comment per person per blog post limit. This particular one has degenerated into utter drivel.

  11. Alastair Carnegie
    Alastair Carnegie says:

    Aaron,

    You are mistaken, and profoundly so! What side of the bed did you get out of this morning?

    Your comment is a deliberate “Flame”. You know it is, and are what is known on the internet as an “Arsonist”.

    Flame away, we have a few jokes in store. That might reach your heart? with luck. Go there now. it is your Holy of Holies, and only you have access to it.

  12. Alastair Carnegie
    Alastair Carnegie says:

    @Aaron,

    From one Priest Levi to another, “Have you tended your lamp today?”…. “is it still burning bright?”…

    A light heart, illuminates.

    Three plagues are quite sufficient to make the point.

  13. Alastair Carnegie
    Alastair Carnegie says:

    On the subject of living up to our full potential, the great Sanskrit Scholar, A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada explained exactly what the obstacles were. He wrote:-

    “…Neither the world nor our surroundings distract us; it is only the mind. The mind is the medium of greatest attachment. And the objects of attachment are also not in your environment, but only within your mind. Your family, your friends, and your whole world is not what it appears. It¢s presence within you is imaginary and doesn’t have too much similarity with the world outside. This is why we suffer. We perceive the world as one thing in our mind but it¢s really something else. This is the cause of all human sufferings and frustrations, pains and agonies. The only way out is to go beyond the limitations of mind. Going beyond the limitations means going beyond the imaginations. Once you are out of your own imaginations, you see the world very real and the foremost reality is that the world is nothing but God Himself. There is nothing other than God anywhere anytime. The only obstacle between you and God is your mind. So, you have to go beyond the mind…”

    We here in the West, do not even know what G-d is! and it’s probably better to know nothing, rather than be taught total BS from another ignorant fool.

  14. Grace
    Grace says:

    I know that we are all part of an experiment to see how long before this post fizzles out or if we can we break the world record number of comments – but we all like hearing the sound (or reading the words) of our own voices far too much. We will not shut up!

    Penelope, put us out of our misery.
    New post please!

  15. firebee
    firebee says:

    @Beth Terry

    It’s amazing how short our memories are (and how fast time passes). It’s technically true and entirely inaccurate that the Internet and personal computers have existed for all of my life — the everyday use of those technologies has changed so profoundly that it’s like comparing an egg to a chicken. It was a big deal to me when I first saw a computer capable of producing realistic sound. It was utterly amazing to me when, just before graduating high school, I downloaded a entire episode of a television program off the Internet in only two days (evil trick question: why did I do that, and how old am I?).

    But, historical side notes aside…

    What do you think of when you imagine living “not up to your potential”? From your post, you seem to think that people motivated by “kindness” rather than “living up to their potential” would eschew challenge, neglect their responsibilities, and contribute nothing to the world. Is kindness that easy and that inconsequential to you? And do you really think that Lister and Edison concerned themselves with “living up to their potential”?

    I have to agree with Penelope: that statement comes from the school system and should remain there.

  16. Pearl
    Pearl says:

    It would be great to think–and live–as if kindness were not optional.

    “Potential” is a word used by authority figures (parents, teachers, bosses) to define you by their standards. It is the stick in carrot-and-stick, usually said in a disappointed or disgusted tone, depending on the speaker.

    Define yourself: set your own goals, work toward them. Now, you need to let bosses know that your goals are and (in the real world) synch your goals with theirs (or find a new job or boss). But if your boss defines your potential as selling three properties every week and you define your goals as finding the right homes for the right buyers. Your boss has a short-term goal that makes him look good (quota) and you have a long-term one that fulfills you (happy customers).

    Your “potential” to sell three houses a week is, yes, BS. But you have to make a choice or negotiate with your boss (in his language) about why you are meeting your “potential” in different terms. If he won’t play–look for another boss, or adjust your goals. But forget “potential”: it’s just another way to make you work harder on their terms.

  17. MJ
    MJ says:

    I knew it – PT and the investor are holed up in the Chelsea Hotel, partying with the ghosts of Sid and Nancy and the lingering air of Leonard Cohen. Champagne, rock & roll and coke for all!

  18. musiclover
    musiclover says:

    Always love, hate will get you every time
    Always love, don’t wait til the finish line

    -Nada Surf

  19. IRG
    IRG says:

    RE: Unvarnished truth article.

    It’s about time somebody exposed this woman for exactly what she ISN’T.

    Her “fans” probably don’t care about her highly questionable veracity when it comes to her experience and qualifications.

    Hmmm. Wonder if lying and fabricating in the name of aspirations and branding is a Gen Y thing????

  20. Roberta
    Roberta says:

    I’m sorry. My life is not ending because Penelope Trunk may or may not be lying to me about her qualifications. I like her writing. She’s interesting. She’s a personality on the internet.

  21. Dale
    Dale says:

    @ Travis, Nate, IRG, et al.

    Am I missing something here? If you don’t see any benefit in the BC or PT’s take on life/career etc, why stick around? Is there so much satisfaction to be had in tearing away at a person’s image because you don’t like them, that the effort is justified?

    PT’s writing helps some people, and it irks some people, so what? This is life. But the constant efforts of some (moral stalwarts) to change what they view as undeserved adulation for someone else says more about the stalwarts than it does about the undeserving individual.
    Pinch yourselves (metaphorically) to awaken to the real reasons you can’t simply walk away from this blog and leave those who attend, to their “delusions.” I’m sure that among them is a large dose of envy.

  22. commenter
    commenter says:

    I would love to know more about the role that ENVY plays in career decisions and our everyday job life.

  23. commenter
    commenter says:

    What percentage people who beg us to live up to our potential are, in fact, secretly envious of us?

  24. Travis
    Travis says:

    Gee Dale, did my link hit a little too close to home? Hmm, you want to worship in silence; I love teasing the people who lack the critical thinking skills to assess the qualifications of internet gurus. I say this website is a win-win situation for both of us!!!!

    And no Dale, it is the person who worships without thought who looks bad; not the person who illustrates the emperor has no clothes.

    Finally, since a blog is supposed to be a conversation, in real life, people have conversations without agreeing on everything. Kinda sad that you can only have a conversation with people who share your opinions. Some of us are just more educated and secure with ourselves…probably why some of us don’t worship internet gurus.

  25. Kendall
    Kendall says:

    “2. Recognize that the world isn’t a race.”

    I was a senior in college when my friend/classmate from high school was starting law school. For awhile, I felt crappy because she seemed so “far ahead” of me and where I was. Then I realized 2 things – she made some choices I never would have (like taking 18 and 21 credits per semester in undergrad in order to graduate in 3 years), and I didn’t want to be where she was (in law school). It was then I realized I couldn’t compare my track in life with anyone else’s.

    Also, I think folks use “live up to your potential” as a less-accurate way of saying “always do your best.” Sometimes I haven’t done my best — half-assed a class in school, rushed on a project for work (during my stint in corporate life), etc., so I might not have lived up to the potential greatest of -whatever- it was I was doing.

  26. Dale
    Dale says:

    Travis,

    I have no problem with healthy debate on a topic or personality. What I am against are mean spirited attacks; they have no place in logical discourse. I do not think that Nate used the word “Twit” to foster meaningful dialogue:)
    Knowledge is power, so by all means provide it, but personal attacks do not foster the kind of debate I seek.

    Besides… I’ve seen all the stuff in that article before. There are no ground breaking truths or juicy new tidbits revealed there.

  27. resonanteye
    resonanteye says:

    It’s better to be kind, than to be nice.
    Nice implies a lack of boundaries and self-respect. Kind, on the other hand, implies doing what you can do, and not harming yourself to do so.

    Kindness is sorely lacking in this world full of “nice” people.

  28. Matt
    Matt says:

    Great post. I worked for years in what I thought was as career I loved and that I was “living up my potential.” One day, I took a step back and realized I wasn’t living up to MY own personal enjoyment potential and am now looking into career options, such as photography, that I really enjoy. Thanks. I’m feeling much more full of potential than ever before!

  29. Matthew Clark
    Matthew Clark says:

    Great point, I was working a business that I enjoyed when I started and was going along well for 11 years doing what I thought was “Living Up to my potential” however the business was taking me away from my family and my true passion. Now I sold the business live life by my design.

  30. Dave
    Dave says:

    I think that one of our most fatal flaws as humans is to assume that there’s a cap on our potential, or to assume that there’s a pre-destined purpose that we’re supposed to be living up to. I agree with your sarcasm also – if you’re complaining about “not living up to your potential,” either do something about it or shut up.

  31. Abhishek
    Abhishek says:

    In his book ‘Seven Habits of ..” Stepehen Covey talks about paradigms.We all speak from our own paradigms,our strengths,our weaknesses,our achievements,our failures,in nut shell our experiences.

    I feel that whatever you say has a lot of ” I ” in it.You need to make your views more general accepting.Part of the reason that you get so many replies for your posts are that because your posts are one sided.

  32. BD
    BD says:

    Re: You are on this earth to be kind. That is your only potential.

    As long as what I’m doing what makes me happy, I believe I’m more willing to be kind to others.

  33. Kriti
    Kriti says:

    Penelope,

    How do we differentiate kindness from niceness? We all want to be generous and good people, giving where we can, but we don’t want to become soft targets. It’s a delicate balance – any advice?

  34. Anthony Johnson
    Anthony Johnson says:

    Funny you should make these comments about living up to one’s potential as being a crock. i am about to give a talk at a prison in Ohio and the topic I am talking about is “Living up to one’s potential.” Maybe I should just can my speech and let you talk to the guys. Perhaps you could tell them that they are just being themselves by smoking crack and committing felonies to support their drug habits. maybe they aren’t living up to their potential because they got caught and should be the best darn criminals they can. When they abandon their children and stop being fathers they should just forget about what their mothers told them. What do mothers know anyway. Everyone doesn’t live in your Utopian world where is just okay to be okay. Ever think about that?

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