I love your column. You have one of the most contemporary and interesting blogs on the web. Thank you!!! for delving, for not being status quo and for being INTERESTING!! for a change! I think the world is sick of status quo boring

You wrote, "Lost is okay." Or another way, "Not all who wander are lost." You'd think more of today's parents would have read Tolkien. :)

I think many twenty-somethings will agree with you, but this 46 year old does not. In your 20's, you should be building the foundation for your career, which includes learning, getting good job experience, and starting to build a reputation. You can't make up that lost time later. You should also start investing money. You are giving baaaaad advice on this one.

(By the way – I really enjoy your articles, even though I am disagreeing with this one.)

What the author is trying to tell the readers is that a lot of people in their 20s (notice no apostrophe) do not yet know which career to settle for, and that is okay because having an open mind and not settling for something for the sake of settling is much more beneficial to your future. The fact that she mentions that people in their 20s change jobs every 18 months implies that they are getting job experience, and exploring your options will also come in handy later. She also tells us that some people in their 20s are "red in bank accounts", meaning they are not in the financial position to invest. Given that you are 46, the author states that your expectations and experiences are outdated, and there are new rules to play by. Success is personal, which means there is no standard definition for it. What may or may not have worked for should not apply to everyone.

@Elena –

I'm interested in your disagreeing comment since the things you value (learning, getting good job experience, and starting to build a rep) are generally done during this so-called "lost" period. As Penelope's written before, job hopping is how a lot of people are learning and gaining job experience. And when they go to a new job, their rep follows them and continues to build with each job. Yeah, it's in a slew of different jobs, but so what? Unless you're a chef, an electrician, or a designer, a job isn't exactly a sort of medieval fostering arrangement or apprenticeship. As for investing money, as long as they're investing *something* does it matter whether it comes from one job or 10? All anyone has to do is start early and stick to it. Besides, isn't learning and gaining experience an investment?

I'm not a twentysomething (I'm 38), but in this case the only difference between me and the twentysomethings is age. Since no one was there to rattle boomers' cages about this stuff when I was a twentysomething, I can only be thankful that it's happening now.

Indeed, it's about frickin' time. Thanks, Penelope, for making me feel like avant garde. You rock.

I'm also going to have to disagree with this one. I'm on the cusp of X/Y (much more Y than X) and know someone who is "lost." He's only able to do it because his parents are willing to support him. That doesn't mean the rest of us aren't growing and trying different things, whether it be going back to school, traveling, switching to a new career, or moving to a new city, but we're doing it in a more responsible way than just willy-nilly following our hearts. You can make choices that are your own but are still responsible decisions. It just means that sometimes you have to wait a little bit until the decision is practical – no instant gratification.

I don't think the resume gaps are good, despite what you and Ryan say; I just moved and was questioned about the one-month gap that resulted while I was looking for a job! Just because it's okay with our generation doesn't mean its okay with the people hiring us. It's also not a time to have red in the bank account. We need to have money to fall back on and pay for that year of knitting sweaters. It would not have been responsible of me to move without having any money saved up for that month or so that it took me to find a new job. You can still travel to Thailand or knit sweaters while holding down a job to pay for it all.

For example, one of my friends took a month off her job and went to Africa to do AIDS work. Three months later she quit her job and went back to Africa for four months, getting a job there and securing one in the States for when she returned. She waited until she had money in the bank and a job to come back to, which seems a lot smarter to me. Sure, she wanders, but I would never consider her lost.

I guess the difference is whether you are wandering and being irresponsible, or not. In some cases, that's in the eyes of the beholder. I see nothing wrong with being lost while still being responsible for yourself, but making decisions that are too impulsive and to the detriment of others is not cool.

I invested when I was 18. My first year in college I put 2500 into a money market account. Money is great. It doesn't buy you happiness. My father told me when I was starting college 50% or more of the people I know do not like their job, they do it for the money. I don't want to be in that 50%. Security is great, but living a life of true happiness is sooo much better.

I graduated from college last year, I could and still can get a nice comfy job living in Chicago, instead of barely paying rent and my bills. The job market is not that bad, if you want it you will get it. I personally would rather live out my dreams while working my butt off at a job that I love that doesn't pay me 75,000 a year but half that.

There are different people in this world, those who are sheep and those who are not sheep. I am not a sheep :)

The only thing that is not right on with me in this article is that I live at home. I would never move back home, too many people back in my hometown believe that money makes happiness. It helps but it alone does not rock my world.

Unless, of course, it's the hard work and sacrifice of self realization and oneness with the whales of the parents of the 20 somethings that allows said 20 somethings to laze around wondering what tattoo to get next.

I really enjoy your column! Great post!

I am 26 and I feel this kind of pressure frequently with my family. This is very encouraging to read.

I am very hard on myself sometimes because I have not found the career path that I want. I want so badly to know what I will be doing, and what I would enjoy doing.

It is great to hear affirmation that it is okay to search, and try different things.

Thank you!

"but it’s just baffling to me that anyone could find authentic self-fulfillment by treating their parents like hotel-keepers and ATM machines long past the point when they were able to make their way on their own."

–quote of the month

I'm going to graduate from college in the spring and I must say I'm kind of disappointed that so many people take "being lost" to mean loafing around, mooching off parents, getting tattoos (come on!), and sleeping in all day. i'm very lost in my life right now and the way i'm going to try to figure things out is by moving back home, working a full-time paying job for 6 months (and cooking dinner every night when my mom comes home from work), and saving up to travel on MY dime for a few months before making some big life choices. does that really make me a lazy mooch? i agree, some people can be lazy moches, but taking a well-paying job and paying all your bills on time right out of college is NOT the only way to avoid moochdom. i'm being financially responsible by making enough money to finance my travels, and i'm being personally responsible by not putting myself in an unhappy situation. we're the twentysomethings that penelope is talking about.

Penelope -

I enjoy your posts but I agree with several on this board who suggest you've gone a bit too far on this one.

I'm 30 on the dot. I have job hopped (4 jobs in 6 years), am technologically literate (I was tooling around on computers before most people even knew what a modem was – and I mean 1200 baud). I played competitive sports my whole life, while maintaining top grades and getting into (and graduating from) a top college. I held a part time job since the age of 16, even though I didn't have to.

At 30, my career is just now starting to take off. This is because I put in the sweat necessary from the day I graduated until this day. I'm not going to say my 20's were lost – but it wasn't that fun. I moved to a big city where I didn't have a single friend, earned the crappy starting salary and spent many nights playing video games at home while all my new "at home with their parents" friends discovered themselves and went to $12 martini bars. To wit, I did smuggle beers out of the office on Fridays when they wheeled out complimentary carts.

Now guess what? I hit 30, my career is finally moving, and the money is coming in. My curious 'other' 30 year old friends – the ones who were finding themselves – have instead found themselves in debt, and without the necessary skills to pull in enough income to climb out of it. They are what's known today as "wage slaves". It's paycheck to paycheck, and if they can shovel $50 a month into their 401k, they're lucky (I took the old peoples' advice and started on day 1).

Sure, I think it would have been a blast to "find" myself in my 20's. What I found, however, was that I had the ability to tough it out when things sucked (and they sucked, bad), to put in my face time, to earn my stripes, and earn my place in the herd.

So now guess what? I read these blogs, just like our new 23 year old hires do. They think they're fantastic, wonderful souls who don't really have to do what I did. However…I'm better with computers than they are. In fact, I'm better with technology in general…and I can afford to buy most of it to boot. I can afford to go to the $12 martini bar…and pay in cash. The sad fact is that none of them will have my job, while I gun for the guy's job ahead of me. Arrogant? Yes. But like you said, Penelope – I "deserve" to say stuff like this.

By encouraging actual "smart", "hardworking" and "risk-taking go getters" who happen to be in their 20's to take it easy, what you're really doing is setting them up for a not-so-laid back kid in his 20's to walk in and eat their lunch. You're encouraging kids who sprinted through life to suddenly look back and cut the pace to a jog, right when they should be punching through the proverbial wall. Even in your 20's Penelope, to get ahead in your job at least half of your new hire class has to be in the bottom half (just like high school and college).

That's the recipe for failure.

I actually work now with a bunch of "kids" (23 year olds) who are essentially useless. You wouldn't know it from their attitudes, however. You'd think their names were secretly Penelope Trunk, to be quite honest. I do have one kid though – a young go getter. He took out loans to go to tough school, and has graduated in debt. he stays late, and budgets his money in Excel. I feel bad when he can't come out with us for a drink after work, so I cover his part. He's respectful, hard working, and certainly doesn't know it all. He'll be here in 18 months when the rest of the kids jump ship to find themselves again. I'm not exaggerating when I say he's worth 10 of the people you describe in this post.

Anyways, keep up the writing (as if you needed prompting). Though this is my first response, I've read the vast majority of your work and I enjoy it immensely. Good luck going forward -

P.S. It is entirely possible to finish college in 4 years. If you want a 5th year, have enough class to get a job to pay for it.

agree except on the point of "red in the bank accounts"

0 is ok, but I definitely do not believe debt is ever, ever good (except to acheive something like education, a house, and maybe, maybe, a car. though I push back on that too and think people should save for a car vs. on payments).

Many of the commenters misunderstand Penelope's point. Her point is that parents shouldn't worry about their twenty-something children or try to make them feel bad because they haven't pledged their souls to a corporation/law firm/medical practice.

She NEVER advocates not working hard at your job, even if you plan on quitting. Of course you have to work hard so that you'll get a good reputation and expand your network.

She doesn't suggest that parents have to bankroll a twenty-something while they find themselves. She doesn't say that the parent must pay for this trip to Thailand. Yeah, parents can let them stay at their house, but she doesn't say that it is obligatory. And she never said that the twenty-something should not have to contribute to expenses!

Penelope doesn't say that twenty-somethings should be irresponsible with their money. She just says that they are right for not chasing after the highest-paying jobs. Anyway, even financial expert Suze Orman says it is okay for young people getting into debt while they work towards their dream job.

Penelope definitely does not advocate substance abuse as a means to finding oneself. A pothead or alcoholic is not the same thing as an underachiever, contrary to what many commenters have suggested. Sure we all know of a twenty-something who stayed at home so he could get loaded every day, but that is not what Penelope is talking about.

She is justifying a twenty-something's right to not have his entire career planned by his college graduation and to actively seek to find himself. She is not advocating being a couch potato until age 30.

It's not about taking it easy, mooching off parents, or dropping out. It's about a willingness to experiment, to take risks, and not letting the fear of failure control limit your options.

Jesus… you've got about 20 pages of comments here, so I'll make this short.

There's a big difference between the way different generations conceptualize success, and ours is no different. Speaking as a 25 year-old, I think we place less significance on having a huge house, getting lots of promotions, and building a big, happy family. For us, it's more of a quest for meaning, of finding the congruence between what we have to offer and what the world has to give.

The only way parents are going to connect with "lost" children is if they understand that and help them get there. Realize that, no matter how well-intentioned your hopes are, your child is feeling their way down a long, dark hallway, and there's nothing anyone can do to turn on the light, nor can they tell you which door to pick. Some kids just get there faster because they're better at seeing in the dark, and they have the courage to open more doors, not really knowing what's inside.

And no matter how much it tears them up inside, there's nothing our parents can do except watch.

I'm sorry, but I think this post is crap. There is no constitutional right to mooch off of your parents until you're 30. And the fact there are a vast number of people who HAVE to get a paying job doing something other than bartending does not mean that they are boring drones — it means that they live in the real world and have to eat and have a roof over their head. This is not to say that the real world may not be a harsh adjustment for people who have been overly protected, scheduled, and had helicopter parents, but that points to a problem with how they were raised, and is not an excuse to continue to allow people to live in a coddled fantasy land of "emerging adulthood" until they feel ready to "stretch their wings" or some other Celine Dionne crap.

I'm 37, and while I can completely appreciate your point about trying new things and not letting your job stifle you, the sense of entitlement you feel for having kids mooch off their parents endlessly is simply breathtaking to me. If people want to live in poverty and pursue their dreams, really, truly, more power to them. Bartend as long as you want and live your dream. But 20-somethings are not emerging adults — they are adults, period, and as adults need to be responsible for their actions. We've got 18-year-old fighting wars, and you're speaking of some bizarre subset that doesn't really reach adulthood until a full decade later? I know I'm going to sound like some crotchety biddy here, but a couple hundred years ago people were getting married, working full time, and having babies at 16. It was a small miracle if you LIVED to 30! So this infantile notion that Gen Y/millenials can't be expected to grow up and take full responsibility for themselves until their 30s is just the most absurd thing I've ever heard in my life.

And again, to clarify — living on your own, taking care of yourself, and taking responsibility for your life, even if that means living on minimum wage and sleeping in a tent — good for you. Wandering around "lost" and expecting someone else to support you while you "find" yourself because someone you can't work and support yourself during your "who am I?" crisis — utter crap!

Unincorrigible? Is that the sort of sloppy writing that results from things being true today that were not true ten years ago?

combination of incorrigible and "un-encouragable"?

I am a 57 year old parent with one son at university -and through him I have my eyes opened to the changing world into which he is emerging – and I have another son fast approaching 30 years,living at home after 6 years (of ups -and -lots -of- downs)of experiencing an overwhelming adult world! I wouldn't mind betting there may be the time (too)fast approaching when I find BOTH of them back on home turf fighting for space in our little semi. Yeah, it may be temporary….
Aint the whole of Life temporary? she groans……. That fact, life is only temporary, is all that propels this 57 year old through each unfolding week. Supporting children on one end, and supporting a remaining parent on the other, is something I have learned to accommodate. It sure aint easy for me in this changing world where all the rules have changed / are changing. Can I not claim 'expectations' for myself at some point in my life before I die?
Sure, I chose to have children, and I consider myself to be a listening (not always, I am no saint)and open parent, and emotionally supportive of their choices. Of course I want both my sons to explore the possibilities for their future, but where do I draw the line with all the financial assistance?

I've had the theory for a few years now that my parents and grandparents generations had the "work to live" mentality. This became very apparent to me when my mom stuck with a job for many, many years until she was vested, but came home and complained about how much she disliked it and the people she worked with every night.

When I was suddenly laid off from a job, I very soon after that interviewed for 2 positions. One that I had held for 2 years at another location (it was a franchise) and a new opportunity that had nothing to do with my degree. One night, my mom asked me which one offered more money. I told her that didn't matter to me. Being happier in a job was much more inportant to me than the money. I ended up taking the new opportunity because I knew what the other one was like, which was the higher paying one. It was the best decision I've ever made as I've learned new things, have had a boss who has really taken time to allow me to grow and has challenged me in my work. It's been the best 4 years, which has also been the longes time in one job for me. =)

I was bothered a few years ago that after only being out of college 8 years, I had already been in 4 professional, full-time jobs. I translated this as I didn't know what I wanted to do and it was very frustrating until the final part of my theory came clear. Generation X/Y are "Living to work". Sure I've moved from job to job, but honestly, it's because I'm figuring out at each one what I like and what I don't like. If I'm not happy in my job, I'm NOT staying there. Why do that? So much of our identity is in what we do for a job, not that I think that's right…but that's a whole other discussion…why do something you don't enjoy? Another way to think about it is this, if I'm working full-time, menaning 45+ hours a week, that's a good chunk of my life. Why would you want to dread that from week to week? Time's too precious…move on and find something you enjoy.

I think that no 18 year old should go straight to college. I think they should take a year off, away from mom and dad (which could just mean getting a place in the same city, it doesn't have to be another state), and have some time to figure themselves out–what do they like, try some new things, etc. Then go to college and start working towards a degree. I believe they'd come back with a much greater self-realization of what they'd like to be 'when they grow up'.

I've thought for the longest time that if everyone in the world worked retail, childcare and as a waiter/waitress at some point in life, the world would be a much happier place as people will be nicer to each other. I may just add bartending to that list because it's a great way to grow those social skills needed in everyday life!

Great post and great discussion! Keep 'em coming.

Speaking of bartenders, my current boss tended bar for her first few years out of college. Now she's got a good position with excellent potential. I don't know if it's tied to the skills she learned bartending, but that certainly didn't hurt her career.

I didn't bartend but I bagged groceries in a Military Grocery store called a commissary during my high school and college days. We worked for tips only (no hourly pay) so it was somewhat competitive. What I learned from that experience is that you can tell a lot from someone's cover just by looking at them and observing their behavior. This was important because some people would tip well and some not so well. Basically, it was a great learning experience in meeting people of all levels of income, race, religious beliefs, etc. Personally, I never backed away from any customer even though I knew some would not tip well. I did have my favorites, however, who I knew would tip well and if I was available at the time, I would try to get their "business".

Don't minimize the importance of bartending or any other seemingly "lost" type of job. Just doing something, especially if it involves working with and getting along with other people will always be valuable.

Thank you so much for this article! I love reading your columns and this one could not have come at a better time. I'm 27 years old, in a job that I feel is dead-end, and just don't know where I should be. I am the youngest in my department and that makes it hard as well. Keep the great articles coming!

There are plenty of twentysomethings who are "lost" and/or living life, but that does not make them irresponsible. If that works, then good for them. I personally feel "lost", but I am not at all irresponsible. So I have to disagree with you.

I am 40 and keep seeing some repeating themes here.

I don't believe this generation is basically different. While everyone is unique… Gen Y, like Gen X, and those before us: some individuals followed the path of parents and some did not. Some are "lost" and some are not.

What I do see is a basic lack of "leave the other person alone!"

Some parents want control, some parents want to spare pain, some want to share experience; this leads some parents to see their children as underachievers and to want to help them achieve for the future. Some children who are thought to be "lost", either are or they are gaining valuable experience. Some may actually be lost AND gaining valuable experience. Either way, parents please leave your child alone. Let them find their way or lose their way on their own. Give them the opportunity to fail or succeed, save or spend, and gain experience all along the way.

How about the kids doing the same? Please, leave your parents alone. Move out! Find someone else to find your way or lose your way with. Create an opportunity to fail or succeed, save or spend, and gain experience all along the way towards a fulfilling life and career.

Let you parents do the same. They now have to find their way or lose their way on THEIR own. Give them the opportunity to fail or succeed, save or spend, and gain experience all along the way towards the end of their career and into retirement.

They did it for you, when they had to; they might be letting you do it for yourself; and they now have to do it for themselves.

"Leave the other person alone!"

I wish i'd have been lucky enough to have had parents who could have supported (both emotionally and financially) my being "lost" for a while during/after college. My parents had zero money to send me to college, so I was saddled with a huge amount of student loan debt. I felt huge pressure to get out into the workforce and get a job after college. What I was schooled to do (journalism) would have barely paid for meals, let alone rent and loans, so I had to get into other jobs. Luckily it tumbled me into computers (where I am today) so that helped. But I would have loved to have been able to pursue journalism as a career to see where it would have led without the spectre of debt.

I think it's important to point out that a lot of the "finding yourself" that happens in our twenties is a direct result of our adult responsibilities. I had no idea what I wanted to do when I graduated from college. Instead of moving back in with my parents and bartending, I took a professional job with benefits and a decent paycheck. I wasn't overly thrilled about it, but I needed to pay the bills. It was the best decision that I ever made.

That job taught me so much about what the "real world" is all about – good and bad. It exposed me to a variety of career opportunities that I didn't know about in college, and it taught me really valuable lessons about myself. I stayed at that job for two years. Since then I've changed jobs three more times after a couple of years at each. All have been different, and I've moved up the ladder in each case.

And even though I was working full time in professional jobs, I still had time to find myself outside of work. I traveled, I went back to school, I moved to a different city, I tried new hobbies, I made new friends, I started volunteering, etc.

My point is that you don't know unless you try. You're not going to learn anything about yourself by being paralyzed with fear about the real world while living in your comfort zone. Does the real world suck sometimes? You bet. Can you get through it? Of course. And you'll be a stronger and happier person for it.

I don't understand the mentality of needing to find yourself before "becoming" an adult. Being an adult means learning from your mistakes and making wiser decisions because of them. There aren't many things in life that can't be changed. Fish or cut bait.

P.S. I was a recruiter in one of those three jobs. And contrary to the advice Penelope gives in this blog, gaps on your resume are never a good thing.

I'm 25, with a bachelor's degree, a full-time job (going on 3 years), a 401(k), benefits, loans, and bills.

And I feel lost.

What's worse, because of that job, I don't even have time to look around and explore. I can't find myself because I feel so drained at the end of each day. I'm not even finding time to take care of my health. Lost? Maybe a better word is "trapped."

Two weeks of vacation per year is nowhere near enough. I want to travel. I want to read all the books I've bought over the past few years that I haven't gotten around to yet because I haven't had the time. I want to learn new things, meet new people, and really challenge myself. And I don't want to wait until retirement to do any of that.

It seems like the corporate workforce offers none of the challenges I'm looking for. (The biggest challenge so far seems to be brown-nosing and networking.) I don't really see marketable skills as a means to anything except more money. And yet it seems like the majority of people need to play by "the rules." I don't want to have a gap in my resume. I don't want to do anything that would make me less likely to find gainful employment. I've considered taking some time off and trying to figure things out, even just to travel across the country, but it's this "common wisdom" that is holding me back.

So… I'm not sure what to do. With events from this past decade (like 9/11 and Iraq), I wonder if there is a renewed sense of wanting to enjoy life now while you can, since there's no guarantee we'll even live to see retirement. At the same time, I still want to support myself both now and in the future, especially if I live to see retirement.

Seems like quite a balancing act for a twentysomething.

Penelope Trunk has found that recycling about 5 different ideas she created years ago and trolling for pagehits is a winning formula. I guess good for her, bad for the sheep that follow her "advice". India, China and the rest of the emerging world are going to eat this generation's lunch (unless Mommy and Daddy continue to provide it, of course).

Pure "unincorrigible" (sic) dreck…

@ Mark:

"India, China and the rest of the emerging world are going to eat this generation’s lunch.."

And guess who is providing the lunch-in-a-box and dinner, not to mention doing laundry and keeping their room clean for them? Yes, their moms!

Indians and Chinese progeny stay at home as long as they can – and if you believe Murakami, so do the Japanese youth (ref: Underground) – and if they are male, they get to bring their brides home too… :-)

I started in the corporate cube world at 18 while I went to school at night. Made more money (for me at the time) than I knew what to do with…and was broke and burnt out by 21. Had I have done a little searching at 18, instead of trying to do it all at the same time, who knows. All I know is tht I had to bust my butt to repair the damage that I caused from 18-21, since I just wasn't ready to be a 'real' adult yet.

My parents aren't rich by any means (minister and public school teacher), but they've been able to get along just fine, including raising 3 kids. They knew that family, emotional support, and overall encouragement meant a lot more than stroking a check.

And while yes, I've spent a considerable amount of money on tattoos (over $3,000), I've also spent 5x that on my 401(k), Roth, and my son's 529 plan. And at 27, I'm much happier than I've ever been and I have an idea of where I'm going. And the only money my parents pay out anymore is holiday gifts for my son.

I wish I had the opportunity to search for my true calling before growing old at 19, and accepting my responsibilities like a man.
I have seen the benefits of exploration first hand, in the lives of younger friends and their supportive parents. The outcome is usually a better prepared, mature, wizened or at least somewhat sane thirtysomething, with fewer regrets ahead of them.

@ Jeff

You wrote: "What’s worse, because of that job, I don’t even have time to look around and explore."

Then why are you wasting time posting a long post to Penelope's blogette?

Thank you so much for this post Ms. Trunk. I thought when I neared the end of my college experience I would know exactly where I was going. 17 days to go and I still don't know where I'll end up. I take comfort in knowing that not all people are "fast starters."

The "1968" thing is because the Boomers who run these magazines tend toward self-absorbed navel gazing. It's not every week, but several times each year they do focus on "Boomer" issues – I imagine it's because they know their demographics and target stories toward them.

Sorry about URL – I had no idea about "pink.com". I do not use my real email address in blog comments – it seems like a silly way to open myself up to much unwanted spam. What is the purpose of requiring email for comments, if any random email address can be used? Unless some kind of verification process is used, it really does seem pointless to "require" an email address. Obviously, if a commenter wants to engage in private dialog, leaving email is necessary. Otherwise….???

I love this article, and feel better about my place in the career field after reading it. 60 minutes did a piece on the Millenials not long ago, and made us sound like leaches. I know I have made more than a few mistakes when it comes to what I'm doing with my life. But, I'm trying to fix them, and I'm trying to get to a better fit, and a more stimulating environment. I sure wish more people understood that.

Life is not about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself. You can't create yourself living with your parents.

Interesting post, but more interesting are the comments. Are twenty-somethings lost or free? Taking their time or wasting time? The idea of not taking ourselves too seriously in our twenties is a good one, but it can also be an excuse used to postone growing up. I definitely think the path to adulthood is less linear than ever, but we should also be careful not to legitmize my generation's reluctance to put forth some old-fashioned effort.

Ahhhhhhhhhh there is the rub Penelope. The sociologists report that these are positive actions for PEOPLE FACING THE UNIQUE CHALLENGES of today. Does that seem to you to be a bit narcisistic on the part of the twentysomethings? In none of the links does it address how these are really great moves for their baby boomer parents. Contrary to what they might believe, the belly buttons of the current twentysomethings is not the very center of the universe, and just because something works out best for them, does not make it the very best decision for everyone. Isn't that the argument the twentysomethings are haning their parents with when it comes to damage to our environment? Isn't the fact that it worked for the boomers didn't make it the best choice for our children, the argument sociologists used to convict boomers when the divorce rate soared? While the comforts of the home your parents supplied is certainly more comfortable, there is a great deal to be said for the motivation that comes with having to pay your own bills. Sorry Penelope, but if my children want to spend time getting to know themselves they have four years of parental supported college time in which to do it, after that kiddos, you have your parents unconditional love and your own dime and time on which to explore your inner being. It is not kind to do for our children what they can and should do for themselves.

your claim that "social skills are what matters" is worrisome.

There comes a point where all the social skills in the world are effectively meaningless unless there is some significant substance beneath these skills which makes its way to the top.

Image is NOT everything, despite the rhetoric you have adopted as your own.

thanks for that article. i'm a twentysomething who underwent a big lifestyle change last year. my parents are very understanding and supportive of how i'm just bumbling around at the moment. i think this article does me more good than it would them. it's like a gentle map of the territory, and feels good to read. :) thanks again.

"The struggles and suicides of young (wo)men with not enough to do."

Hey, everyone. It was great reading this article. I personally do not feel as though this article was written to encourage young adults to live at home and leech. I think it was meant to ease our worries and our feelings of " what am I doing with my life". There is so much pressure out there, and this article is a way to say" loosen up a bit". I enjoyed the humor of it and I enjoyed the Optimism. I am 22 years old. I graduated highschool, dinked around in community college before deciding to go to trade school. I graduated and started working in a field in which.. I had my heart set on since Highschool. I Started at the bottom of the Dental Field as an Assistant. I had a bad first job experience and then job hopped to a few more jobs in that same field; all within a year or so. Each office I landed seemed to remind me of highschool all over again. I am talking about adults( co-workers) tattling on one another, sabbataging and gossiping. I personally do not like playing " office politics". Soon, I realized I didn't like being a Dental Assistant anymore.(due to: under appreciation,being the office work horse and, no professional growth ) All my negative work experience made me resent the field I planned on being in ( since highschool). Now, I too am lost.

While I agree that your 20's should be a time of exploration of both the world and yourself, I have to disagree with the irresponsible way that the author painted it. As several posers already stated, you can travel, do something you love, take time off, pursue your passions but in a responsible way. I have worked with and personally know many of these so called "lost twenty something’s", many of them hitch hike around the country sleeping on strangers sofa's if they are lucky, under a bridge if they are not. They can be seen begging for money on the downtown streets or maybe just a cigarette. They have a way of rationalizing just about anything, much the same way you did in your post.
Flash forward 10 yrs and take a look at what you have, a 30yr old with bad teeth, a few tats that are a bit embarrassing now, an earlobe that will need surgery to repair, several unpaid parking tickets, a drunk and disorderly, drunk in public or possession charge, an estranged relationship with every family member that has bailed them out, lent them money, or had something stolen from them, or had not heard from them in years. Sure some of these young adults do find their way eventually, but many more seem to slip thru the cracks. Please stop making this passage in life sound so romantic, and give a balanced view. Thanks, and good luck to all

My 20 something son has gone to community college twice – once 2 years ago and once this semester. Both times he stopped going to his classes and ended up either withdrawing or failing. This was after he received a 100% Pell Grant (which gave him several thousand dollars for living expenses, as well as paying for the classes and books). He has had 3 very good jobs since he graduated 2-1/2 years ago – but lost all 3 because he couldn't seem to go more than 2 or 3 days a week.

He doesn't have an interest in anything, and when he does show some interest – it is short-lived. He has no motivation. I've tried everything to help him/get him help, with no success. I'm very wary of kicking him out of the house because he vegetates towards bad people/things. But, I'm at my wits end. To me – this is what 'lost' means.

I'm 55 now. I never really knew what I wanted to do. But, I just kept doing – whatever – through the years. But, I made money, supported myself and my son. I find my son's total lack of responsibility (even though, I DID teach him these things growing up)absolutely unexceptable. If he would only do SOMETHING – I would support him in his endeavors fully. But, unfortunately, and to my dismay, he is doing NOTHING!!!!!