Twentysomething: Be responsible, go back home after college
By Ryan Healy – According to Monster.com, 60 percent of college graduates move home with mom and dad after graduation and the trend is on the rise. The statistic holds true with my friends from the class of 2006. More than half moved back to the suburbs to start adult life, much the same way they ended high school life — with their parents. A lot of people say generation Y needs to grow up and take some personal responsibility and that we have been coddled by our helicopter parents (see the comments section).
But when you look closely, it is glaringly apparent that moving back in with parents is one of the the most responsible things a new college grad can do. By sucking it up at home for a year or two, young people give themselves the opportunity to take control of their career, take control of their finances and transition from the care-free college fantasy world to the real-world of work, marriage, kids, mortgages and car payments.
Take control of your career
To live comfortably in a big city like New York, students are forced to take a high paying, but less than satisfying job. Often, top graduates end up working for the best paying investment bank or law firm. I’m sure you could find a small minority of conservative students who had dreams of becoming an I-banker since middle school, but for the most part these jobs are going to the top tier students who are trying to make a quick buck before they retire at 30 (or so they say).
By moving home after graduation, you have little or no rent which allows for more freedom when searching for a job. There is no need to sell out to an investment bank if your real goal is to work with underprivileged children. Depending on where your parents are located, you are probably missing out on the big city night life and social scene, but you have lots of opportunities to find the perfect job, regardless of pay. If ditching the social scene for career sake doesn’t demonstrate responsibility and independence, I don’t know what does.
Take control of your finances
Real wages today are lower than they were for the past two generations of workers. Couple that fact with today’s insane housing costs and an increase in contract workers not receiving benefits, just getting by on forty or fifty thousand a year in a major city is nearly impossible. Attempting to save any reasonable amount of money the first few years is a joke.
However, moving home with mom and dad will immediately save you about $700 a month in housing costs. At least there is some extra cash flow. In two years, you can save up enough to move out on your own without worrying about going into credit card debt for basic necessities like fixing your car or buying groceries.
Take an appropriate adjustment period between college and the real world
People really do struggle adjusting from college to the real world. A good friend of mine just fulfilled her life long dream of moving to New York. She still loves the city, but she is overwhelmed and doesn’t exactly like her day job. Sure, many people go through this tough transition period, and chances are she will eventually enjoy it, but the transition from child to adult is different, and oftentimes, more difficult for today’s youth.
“This period is not a transition, but an actual life stage, according to Jeffrey Arnett, associate professor at University of Missouri and author of Emerging Adulthood: A Theory of Development from the Late Teens through Early Twenties . Arnett describes the period between college and adulthood as, “a self- focused stage where people have the freedom to focus on their own development.” Notice he calls this period of stage in development and not just a transition between two stages.
So why do we still try to go from adolescent to adult in a matter of weeks or months?
Moving home for a while enables an appropriate and productive transition. Rather than focus on rent, bills and kids, emerging adults living at home with their parents have the ability to focus on the most important aspects of emerging adult life: figuring out who they are and what career is right for them.
Ryan Healy’s blog is Employee Evolution.
if they’re more secure financially it is assumed they were working while going to college. I know a lot of graduates who weren’t working while in college, and just lived offf of their scholarships. It was enough because all they did was study. Didn’t spend a lot of money so when they graduated. Yes, it makes perfect sense as to why they aren’t financially secure. They were too busy studying to get a job. Not everyone gets to have a part time while in college too you should always realize this. So I think you are assuming too much when you say they are just being financially irresponsible then cite something about security which includes several factors, but yes lets do what you did and look at the most negative one (financial irresponsibility). it plays a role in financial stability, but not the whole role just a small part. Most college graduates simply don’t have any more. Just like they were while being college students. They just had enough for the bare necessities. Did some ambitious networking, interning, and job hunting, but at the end of the day never got that offer RIGHT out of college. This is one of the worse economies since the depression it makes perfect sense as to why graduates aren’t getting jobs right away, and thus don’t have any money aka financial stability.
if they’re more secure financially it is assumed they were working while going to college. I know a lot of graduates who weren’t working while in college, and just lived offf of their scholarships. It was enough because all they did was study. Didn’t spend a lot of money so when they graduated. Yes, it makes perfect sense as to why they aren’t financially secure. They were too busy studying to get a job. Not everyone gets to have a part time while in college too you should always realize this. So I think you are assuming too much when you say they are just being financially irresponsible then cite something about security which includes several factors, but yes lets do what you did and look at the most negative one (financial irresponsibility). it plays a role in financial stability, but not the whole role just a small part. Most college graduates simply don’t have any more. Just like they were while being college students. They just had enough for the bare necessities. Did some ambitious networking, interning, and job hunting, but at the end of the day never got that offer RIGHT out of college. This is one of the worse economies since the depression it makes perfect sense as to why graduates aren’t getting jobs right away, and thus don’t have any money aka financial stability.
I agree, having your parents nearby is helpful. I moved back to help out with bills at home. These things aren’t a mark of a irresponsible adult. It has only been 60 years in US history that we have been able to move right out of home at 18. Seeing that we’re in a gilded age again you will start to see more inter-generational house holds, but to be honest I grew up in one so it doesn’t phase me.
what kind of lessons? This isn’t even a cultural norm among humans around the world. Most people stay at home even while going through college. And only move out when they truly can support themselves, but meanwhile live at home contributing by paying bills, doing chores, paying for upkeep of the house etc. Because at the very least with a job and living at home you have the disposable income to help out the family, and save up money.
good for you, not everyone can do this, also realize its only been a cultural norm to leave at 18 since the 1950s leave it to beaver crap era.
depends your daughter could have a full time job and stay with you, and help with bills allowing you and hear to have extra disposable income to save for other things that are more important.
also realize baby boomers and xers were the only two generations that had this luxury to move right out of their family’s house at 18. Life wasn’t this expensive for them when they were young adults, jobs weren’t this scarce, and wages weren’t this low, and personal debt wasn’t this high!!
I think Americans forget that it isn’t normal that generations are this separated. young adults learn very good skills by knowing how to interact with older adults as young adults. This skill isn’t taught in schools in fact a lot in school don’t have it simply because they never had to interact with the elderly and adults for most of their day, I think its a great way to close the generational gaps and foster better understanding.
I think Americans forget that it isn’t normal that generations are this separated. young adults learn very good skills by knowing how to interact with older adults as young adults. This skill isn’t taught in schools in fact a lot in school don’t have it simply because they never had to interact with the elderly and adults for most of their day, I think its a great way to close the generational gaps and foster better understanding.
I worked abroad in banking. Do not think you can’t have a “real” job overseas as if America is the only real place to get a job in. Its very dumb to assume so. I know lots of people who have it together either yes teaching english (as a career) or working in other industries abroad. just because you live adn work in the US doesn’t mean shit. Also realize a lot of people do stuff like that may have a plan, might be wanting to start something of their own. Its easier to do it in some regions of the world than other regions. The Us is oversaturated. Sooo at times yes spill over must go abroad.
yea. I never lived in the suburbs in urban areas inter-generational housing is more of a norm than a abnormality.
but people who follow this advice usually only stay at home the longest one year, and usually to help out with family expenses. So I don’t see what’s wrong with it. I remember living in Japan, and something happened to my sister’s car. She needed the money to get all of her tires changed. I lent it to her. It made things more difficult for me as Japan is more of an expensive country to live in especially as a student, but all it meant for me was not being able to go out and party I was earning plenty of cash from part time jobs at this point. but it made it difficult for me to get the money there (Japan at the time didn’t have western unions they just got them last year) and their banking industry is incompatible with the rest of the world’s. Anyway point was I moved back after the quake and tsunami, got an internship in istanbul, for two months, came back got part-time, saved up helping with bills, helping for emergencies, about to move out for graduate school (the year gave me plenty of time to gather up financial aid, and hell by the time I am done with the program getting my MS. I’ll have my student debt reduced to 10k which isn’t so bad. It is something I can live with if I have a master’s degree. But at times yes, you might consider moving back with the fam. It is very much a blue collar thing to kick the kids out at 18. Its kind of why the blue collar stay blue collar, The blue collar that make it to the middle class did it probably because if the kids stayed at the house after they were 18 the rule was get a job or go to school, done with your degree? Time to help out with bills.At this point the kid as an adult is doing it without being asked to. Thus parents are able to save up, and afford a retirement, and life they weren’t able to have as younger kids, and their adult children are yes better off, and are more likely to support them as the parents get older instead of throwing them in a retirement home. Inter-generational housing is coming back, and it has to come back not everyone will be blessed to have what you have. I lost a lot during the tsunami and quake in Japan so to say I’m on the titt is well quite provoking. You do not know individual’s situations etc etc. Now I see if they weren’t working, weren’t helping out with chores or baby sitting cousins, or lawn work, house projects then yes I see your point, but usually at this point in a young adult’s life they feel obligated to do things to help their families and save money, and they know their parents are the last people to take advantage of them and force them to struggle.We all go through our struggles. I did in Japan, and in China as a student, In Turkey, in many countries as a student on research trips(grants paid for), but at times bank accounts getting frozen having to do part time jobs etc etc, shitty jobs at that. IT made me always think that the military might be a good option at times. One soldier was complaining about latrine duty once a week. I did a job similar to that everyday for 4 months when I was living in Japan, washed dishes for 6 months. tutored english, did translation work for japanese into spanish and turkish. I gained real skills. I’m back at home, with no shame. The time will come for you too. You will have to rely on others. The rugged individual thing is a pure myth. But when I was making it happen overseas btw I saw myself as a rugged individual, but when a tsunami ruined my job hunting plans, and plans to master japanese by staying there longer well I matured a lot from the experience that things are just out of your control, plan accordingly and know when to improvise, and know how to plan ahead. Also learn to accept help when offered because it is rude to refuse help in most cultures. Even minorities in the US see it as a sign of being rude because it says “I am better than the help you can provide for me.” All minorities in the US have a very non-western perspective even black americans. It is at times good to learn from it but non-western cultures depend more on interdependency than independence. so your values are pretty much not the only correct way to think. also realize a lot of non-westerners in other countries view westerners are very brave to go out on their own like that at such age with little or no support. it is a good sign of independence, but they comment that it can lead to arrogance.
and gen y wasn’t the first generation in America to do this model of moving back home or being at home as young adults. This was the norm for generations previous to the baby-boomers.
I have a unique situation actually in my case: Long story short, I wasted (yes I believe I WASTED) a good education on my degree. While I was getting my Bachelor degree in Marketing, I worked for Circuit City. Circuit went under, I graduated with a shiny new degree, horrible job market, collected unemployment for a little bit. Flash forward to now, I work for Best Buy as an installer. I definitely make enough money to pay my dad car insurance, cell phone, gas, groceries, etc everything except any kind of rent or electricity. I’ve offered to pay him to get a “feel” for living on my own but him being stubborn & loving to me, declines. He instead told me go back to college & get another degree & figure out what I wanna do. So I did. I’m pursuing an Associates in Networking, aiming at the coveted Cisco Certification. Now here’s the weird kicker for me. During the week, dad’s not home; he has a job that basically makes more sense if he rents a room out from another couple that’s 5 mins from his work. On weekends, he comes home & we see the occasion father/son movie. So yea, I’m ALONE every week. I do laundry, I cook my own meals (granted they’re all stove top-based or TV dinners), I literally do my own thing. And not to make anyone too jealous here but I have a FWB with a neighboring girl sooooo I don’t really have relationship strains or obligations. Since I work for Best Buy, I help dad out as best as I can with free Directv coupons & 25% off our Verizon Wireless bill (my little contribution).
My friends however have all moved out, literally all of them are on their own. They also ALL have dual incomes (their girlfriends & wives). They have been driving into me the all mighty message of “Dude, you’re 25, time to spread those wings, what are you doing?” and “Just do it” (didn’t know my life is based off Nike’s slogan) Naturally I have that itch to move out & have my own place yadda yadda yadda but I feel I couldn’t do it (or atleast enjoy my life) on my limited salary. On a good month, I only make about $2200 net pay. Average is about $1700. I religiously use Quicken & have been crunching numbers for years seeing if I could remotely do it. I don’t see it unless I plan on having like $100/month to spend between entertainment (entertainment = movies, alcohol, etc) I have to spread $100 over 30 days to encompass ALL of my entertainment needs?! Am I “spoiled” to think that’s not a lot?
A little more information about my personal life: I am an only child & yes growing up I was spoiled a little but I feel like I’m definitely out of that phase (I better be at age 25 haha). My mom passed away several years ago & along with her death, HER mom also passed away leaving behind a will that divides the estate between me & my aunt. Without getting into too much detail, yes I am looking at a nice chunk of heired money. I lost my entire family out of the ordeal but when I’m ready to move out, I basically have my down payment on a house.
So…..what do I do? Do I bite the bullet & force myself to move out & live off what I believe will be minimum wage lifestyle or do I stay “financially smart & humbling” & just enjoy my dad’s good heart of letting me live here while I figure out my life? I’m basically independent & I have a roommate that simply covers my rent haha Obviously I have that feeling of “If I don’t move out NOW, it’ll never happen” A lot of that is my friends talking & I know misery loves company but at what point do I stop listening to my dad who says “Why move out? You’re not married, you don’t have a job that requires you to move, WHY move out?” and start listening to my friends who are let’s face it…..100% independent & on their own & dare I say more mature? I tell my dad that I feel it’s not going to be healthy for me to stay here when I hit my late 20s….he basically says “Who cares” “Boomerangers are the new trend” “Why waste money on rent when you DON’T have to” etc……I’m lost people, anyone have their 2 cents?
I have a unique situation actually in my case: Long story short, I wasted (yes I believe I WASTED) a good education on my degree. While I was getting my Bachelor degree in Marketing, I worked for Circuit City. Circuit went under, I graduated with a shiny new degree, horrible job market, collected unemployment for a little bit. Flash forward to now, I work for Best Buy as an installer. I definitely make enough money to pay my dad car insurance, cell phone, gas, groceries, etc everything except any kind of rent or electricity. I’ve offered to pay him to get a “feel” for living on my own but him being stubborn & loving to me, declines. He instead told me go back to college & get another degree & figure out what I wanna do. So I did. I’m pursuing an Associates in Networking, aiming at the coveted Cisco Certification. Now here’s the weird kicker for me. During the week, dad’s not home; he has a job that basically makes more sense if he rents a room out from another couple that’s 5 mins from his work. On weekends, he comes home & we see the occasion father/son movie. So yea, I’m ALONE every week. I do laundry, I cook my own meals (granted they’re all stove top-based or TV dinners), I literally do my own thing. And not to make anyone too jealous here but I have a FWB with a neighboring girl sooooo I don’t really have relationship strains or obligations. Since I work for Best Buy, I help dad out as best as I can with free Directv coupons & 25% off our Verizon Wireless bill (my little contribution).
My friends however have all moved out, literally all of them are on their own. They also ALL have dual incomes (their girlfriends & wives). They have been driving into me the all mighty message of “Dude, you’re 25, time to spread those wings, what are you doing?” and “Just do it” (didn’t know my life is based off Nike’s slogan) Naturally I have that itch to move out & have my own place yadda yadda yadda but I feel I couldn’t do it (or atleast enjoy my life) on my limited salary. On a good month, I only make about $2200 net pay. Average is about $1700. I religiously use Quicken & have been crunching numbers for years seeing if I could remotely do it. I don’t see it unless I plan on having like $100/month to spend between entertainment (entertainment = movies, alcohol, etc) I have to spread $100 over 30 days to encompass ALL of my entertainment needs?! Am I “spoiled” to think that’s not a lot?
A little more information about my personal life: I am an only child & yes growing up I was spoiled a little but I feel like I’m definitely out of that phase (I better be at age 25 haha). My mom passed away several years ago & along with her death, HER mom also passed away leaving behind a will that divides the estate between me & my aunt. Without getting into too much detail, yes I am looking at a nice chunk of heired money. I lost my entire family out of the ordeal but when I’m ready to move out, I basically have my down payment on a house.
So…..what do I do? Do I bite the bullet & force myself to move out & live off what I believe will be minimum wage lifestyle or do I stay “financially smart & humbling” & just enjoy my dad’s good heart of letting me live here while I figure out my life? I’m basically independent & I have a roommate that simply covers my rent haha Obviously I have that feeling of “If I don’t move out NOW, it’ll never happen” A lot of that is my friends talking & I know misery loves company but at what point do I stop listening to my dad who says “Why move out? You’re not married, you don’t have a job that requires you to move, WHY move out?” and start listening to my friends who are let’s face it…..100% independent & on their own & dare I say more mature? I tell my dad that I feel it’s not going to be healthy for me to stay here when I hit my late 20s….he basically says “Who cares” “Boomerangers are the new trend” “Why waste money on rent when you DON’T have to” etc……I’m lost people, anyone have their 2 cents?
Don’t waste money on rent, instead, look for a better job around your area.
While I think living at home is a great way to save money for a house, I don’t buy the excuse that you can’t afford it on nearly $2000 a month. A lot of people live on their own for half that much. You have to be frugal, but it definitely can be done.
I’m 21 years old and I’m about to graduate college in two years. My father passed away when I was eighteen, which is why I live with my grandparents (my siblings are with aunts and uncles).
Right now, I’m in residence, but I simply cannot afford it next year, so my grandparents told me to move back home if I wanted to. I agreed with them that I should move back, but I don’t want to stay home forever. I could take out a student loan, but why would I take out a loan if I have the opportunity to live back home? I pay my own bills and for all of my schooling. I paid for school by working full-time in the summers, even when I hated the job I had. My grandparents told me that I don’t owe them any money, but I do have to be in school full-time or working full-time.
I also want to stay in the same city as my grandparents, even though it’s more expensive. My grandfather has a heart condition and I want to be there for them should anything happen.
I will move out eventually, it’s just that I want to pay for everything myself. I don’t want to take out loan after loan to pay for school and food. The only time I want to take out a loan is for a mortgage.
You are clearly delusional about the state of the economy. A lot of people have 4.0 GPAs, have done internships and networking and still can’t find jobs. Or if they do find jobs, they are mainly contracting gigs that don’t provide benefits. If you are TRULY responsible and just aren’t lucky enough to land a good job yet, it is smart to move back in with parents and save up money.
See, I’m different. My parents live in a one bedroom apartment,… as much as I would like to go home I can’t. No space and they are disabled,… So what about grads like myself who are gonna end up homeless after school? No, I don’t want grad school (can’t afford it) and I want to do so much before I make that commitment. I work a lot and well it seems like no matter what I do, it still won’t be good enough.
Any insight friends? I think I’m going to buy a car to live in…
I wholeheartedly agree with this post. As a twenty-five year old female still living with her parents, I have established goals for myself and certainly am not “using” my parents. I have a full-time job with benefits and am in the early stages of developing my dream career. Los Angeles is the ONLY city I can do it in.
If I were “thrown out in the real world” I’d have to live in a very bad neighborhood (all that I could afford) and that wouldn’t be safe. I contribute 25% of my income to my 40lk and pay for all my bills (outside of utilities and rent).
If I were on my own, I wouldn’t be able to save anywhere near what I am now. I’d have to be paying rent and incur credit card debt, instead of saving money for a downpayment on a house (and we all know renting is just throwing money away).
Moving home is the practical thing to do for many people, though sometimes it can be abused if the person isn’t motivated or responsible. I am not one of those people. I’m not costing my parents any significant dollar amount and they are happy to have me. They’d rather have me stay with them for 3 years so that I set up a fulfilling career where I can COMFORTABLY support myself and build a finacial future, instead of my scraping by and living a life of debt with a job/career I hate.
People on this site should be less judgemental and acknowledge the changing times that have resulted from a poor economy. Most recent college jobs can’t find jobs (and it’s not for lack of merit or persistence). The cost of living is going up,wages are not increasing enough to support it, and industries are contracting. We all need to get real and adjust to evolving social norms.
I think this is a great article and great idea. I graduated a year and half ago and moved back home. I am now looking for a place to buy myself. I have saved $95,000 in my saving account and 25 thousand in my 401K (24 years old). Most of my friends who all decided to rent have nothing in saving or retirement.
I know some kids can’t do this because they get jobs that require them to move but if you can live at home for a year or two I think it is a great idea.
Of course high resolution videotape quality contains much memory, that’s why it provides superior feature.
Wasnt college all about figuring out who you are and what career you want?! It may not be the perfect job, but any parents that really think this is helping their kid out maybe should have moved moved ibto the dorm with their child. Help them “adjust”. I speak from experience…i just started a job in order to gain independence after college and learn the realities of the field and about life. Is it my dream job at a dream location with dream pay? NO. But, am i initiating a career ive been prepaeing for over the past four years? Absolutely. Thats the point of it all. TO GROW UP.
A lot of the people here who think moving back home is irresponsible have used their own personal stories as their evidence. “Well if I can do it, anyone can.” That kind of rationalization is, in itself, irresponsible and ignorant.
You “made it” moving out right after school and surviving on ramen. Well congratulations. I’m sure that most of us would choose to struggle rather than go back home if we were sure it would get us somewhere, especially in this day and age.
But the fact is, just because you can do it, doesn’t mean that everyone else can. Everyone has a different set of financial and familial circumstances that can hold them back, so to say that going back home is for the weak demonstrates complete ignorance. EVEN IF you paid off your tuition by yourself, along with your health insurance, cell phone bills, books and room & board, you shouldn’t ridicule another student for having to go back home. That’s a hard pill for many students to swallow.
I don’t think this article is stupid; for well-grounded students who are already ambitious and motivated to succeed, this article offers sound, down-to-earth advice.
It can be the responsible thing to do if your parents are fine with it. Some parents insist their adult children live with them because they feel lonely. On the other hand, some people would rather have more independence even if they have to sacrifice financially and live with roommates. Everyone’s situation is different.
https://twitter.com/TridentUni
I’ll be honest. I clicked on this article because I thought it would be the worst advice in the entire world. My fiance and I are graduating from college this semester and are debating on moving in with his parents for the summer so that we can figure out our careers and pay off some bills that we have. We want a transition period where we can become more financially stable. We’re also in the process of trying to figure out what state we want to be living in and where we want to start our careers as well as our life together. So there’s a lot that we’re trying to figure out right now and it’s really stressful. He’s all for the idea of moving back in with them and before I read your post, I was completely 100% against it. To me, it makes me feel like I’m a failure and can’t handle living on my own. But on the other hand, we could really use some help right now. Your post definitely made me feel better about the decision to move back in with them for a bit. I’d rather take the time to become financially stable and develop a real plan than end up completely broke and far from home. It will be good for us.
Thanks for this post!
You’re only a failure if you have no plan to eventually move out or are not saving money by moving back in with your parents. Keep in mind, lots of forces in our society want you remain in debt for the rest of your life. The loan companies do obviously so you pay more in interest over time. A lot of businesses do because it means you aren’t going to get uppity with them and will work harder to hold onto your job. A lot of luxury companies love it because you are going to be stressed out and upset. When people are this way, they blow their money on their products to alleviate the stress and unhappiness.
Don’t play their game. Save up your money and pay off a good portion of your debt. Know when you have saved enough money and paid off enough debt to leave. Also use this as an opportunity to get to know your fiancé’s parents and hopefully help them out. The cost of living hasn’t decreased for them, so I’m sure they would delighted to have some extra boarders that could pay rent.
Best of luck to you both. As Red Green says, “I’m pulling for you….we’re all in this together!” :)
This really depends on how stable a job you can find…if you know where your job will be, you can save just as much money by living close to work and ditching the car as you can by living at home and commuting. The average cost of owning and operating a car in the US is over $8000 a year!
The problem isn’t living home. I agree that this can be a great idea after college. The problem Ryan is that you come across as a taker and not a giver, and mature adults at some point become givers rather than takers. And I don’t just mean financially. Mature adults don’t have the mindset of getting something for nothing at someone else’s expense. There’s nothing wrong with getting help when we need it in a mutual loving relationship, but I do find something wrong with the way your attitude comes across. Everything you said about the arrangement was about you. I don’t hear any love or respect or appreciation for your parents, and that your view is that if for whatever reason that parents aren’t open to such an arrangement they are “done with you.” That’s a pretty harsh blanket judgment to make on all parents who may not think that it is the right timing for moving back in. You come across as entitled and immature.