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Your gender might matter most when it comes to negotiation — women just aren't as good at it as men. Part of the reason for this is that women are more hesitant to ask. But to be fair, women who negotiate competitively are judged negatively, whereas men aren't.
Another factor that has a huge impact on your ability to negotiate is the power of your BATNA — or Best Alternative to a Negotiated Deal. William Ury, author of the negotiation bible "Getting to Yes," says that the key to effective negotiation is learning how to read the core needs of each side. If you can estimate the BATNA of each party, then you'll be clear on where you can push during the compromising stages.
I learned about Ury's methods when my husband and I were in couples therapy. The therapist taught us to stop trying to change each others' needs and to understand them instead. This is how we got better at accommodating each other in a way that didn't crush us. And it was a great lesson in negotiating that went way beyond our marriage.
Ury focuses on strategy — he teaches how to understand the big picture from both sides. But you also need to have some tactical plans. I learned mine from one of my former bosses. My strengths are management and coming up with ideas. One of the reasons I took a job with this guy was because I knew he had totally different skills from mine: He was a great dealmaker, especially in business meetings.
This boss gave me so much negotiating advice it could fill 50 columns. Here are seven of the most memorable tactics I learned from him:
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I would add to the list of seven:
Know the meeting outcome: what is to be decided at the meeting? It's tough to negotiate unless you know what should be decided at this specific meeting.
Never leave a meeting without "next actions" assigned to specific people with dates for the delivery. Sometimes just assigning specific tasks to people in the meeting supports your negotiation.
I try and walk into a meeting knowing the positions of every player so that objections can be handled through planning.
Posted by Scot Herrick on 06/21/2007 at 02:38am | permalink | Reply to this comment
If women are at a disadvantage with negotiations (damned if they do, damned if they don't), what about the idea of using an agent? Can you send someone else in to negotiate (salary for example) on your behalf or does that just make you look like a schmuck?
I'm not 100% convinced that the gender difference is so important. I think it probably depends on the woman and who they are negotiating with. An awful lot of very good literary agents are women.
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Using an agent for salary negotiations is a great idea. If you are lucky enough to be at a high enough pay rate to afford to pay someone to negotiate, or if you are lucky enough to have a friend (or a parent! ) who can negotiate well, I would do it.
At some point, though, we all need to admit that we negotiate nearly every second of our lives (sometimes with ourselves) and we need to get good at it.
–Penelope
Posted by Caitlin on 06/21/2007 at 04:33am | permalink | Reply to this comment
As I've recommended before, all women who are serious about their careers should read Women Don't Ask by Linda Babcock.
It gives hard evidence that supports that women are almost always at a disadvantage in negotiations, but also gives advice on how to overcome that disadvantage.
It changed the way I do everything.
Posted by Jacqui on 06/21/2007 at 09:25am | permalink | Reply to this comment
I can't stop laughing at "BATNA Thousand".
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Ha. Yeah, I know. My editor at Yahoo writes those headlines. I emailed him as soon as I saw it.
– P
Posted by Joe on 06/21/2007 at 11:55am | permalink | Reply to this comment
Never leave a meeting without "next actions" assigned to specific people with dates for the delivery. Sometimes just assigning specific tasks to people in the meeting supports your negotiation.
Posted by Andy Warhol on 07/03/2009 at 03:46pm | permalink | Reply to this comment