How much money do you need to be happy? Hint: Your sex life matters more
How much money buys happiness? A wide body of research suggests the number is approximately forty thousand dollars a year. I interviewed Daniel Gilbert, professor of psychology at Harvard University, and he says once you have enough money to meet basic needs — food, shelter, but not necessarily cable “?incremental increases have little effect on your happiness.
Aaron Karo, comedian and author of the forthcoming book, Ruminations on Twentysomething Life, responds to the number with, “If you want to draw a line in the sand, happiness is having enough money so you don’t have to move back in with your parents.”
To someone who just spent four years in college living off nine-thousand-dollar loan stipends, an increase to forty thousand means a lot — moving from poverty to middle class. But it’s a one-time rush. After you hit the forty-thousand-dollar-range money never gives you that surge in happiness again.
Twentysomethings who are looking for happiness from their careers will benefit from research about their parents’ choices. Richard Easterlin, professor of economics at University of Southern California says previous generations have proven that our desires adjust to our income. “At all levels of income, the typical response is that one needs 20% more to be happy.” Once you have basic needs met, the axiom is true: more money does not make more happiness.
So then one asks, what does matter? The big factors in determining happiness levels are satisfaction with your job and social relationships. And in case you found yourself slipping back to thoughts of salary, according to Easterlin, “How much pleasure people get from their job is independent of how much it pays.”
Unfortunately, people are not good at picking a job that will make them happy. Gilbert found that people are ill equipped to imagine what their life would be like in a given job, and the advice they get from other people is bad, (typified by some version of “You should do what I did.”)
Gilbert recommends going into a career where people are happy. But don’t ask them if their career makes them happy, because most people will say yes; they have a vested interest in convincing themselves they are happy. Instead, try out a few different professions before you settle on one. For college students, Gilbert envisions this happening with part-time jobs and internships at the cost of “giving up a few keggers and a trip to Florida over spring break.” But even if you wait until you enter the workforce, it makes sense to switch from one entry-level job to another; no seniority and scant experience means you have little to lose. So it’s an ideal time to figure out what will make you happy: Use a series of jobs to observe different professions at close range to see if YOU think they make people happy.
It’s simple, proven advice, but few people take it because they think they are unique and their experience in a career will be different. Get over that. You are not unique, you are basically just like everyone else. Gilbert can, in the course of five minutes, rattle off ten reasons why people think they are unique but they are not. For example: We spend our lives finding differences between people to choose teachers, band mates and spouses, so our perception of peoples’ differences is exaggerated… And then Gilbert gets to grapes: “If you spend seven years studying the differences between grapes, no two will look the same to you, but really a grape is a grape.”
So your first step is to stop thinking you’re a special case. Take Gilbert’s advice and choose a career based on your assessment of other people in that career. You next step is to focus on social relationships, because in terms of happiness, job satisfaction is very important but social relationships are most important.
And by social relations, most researchers mean sex — with one, consistent partner. So consider giving your career aspirations a little less weight than you give your aspirations for sex. For those of you who like a tangible goal, David Blanchflower, professor of economics at Dartmouth College says, “Going from sex once a month to sex once a week creates a big jump in happiness. And then the diminishing returns begin to set in.” He adds, to the joy of all who are underemployed, “It’s true that money impacts which person you marry, but money doesn’t impact the amount of sex you have.”
Maybe all this research simply justifies the twentysomething tendency to hold a series of entry-level jobs and put off having children. Says Karo: “All we really want is to get paid and get laid.”
Money is important to happiness. You can buy anything and friends will come with money, so will intimate relationships
Other than the fact that I think this article is an oversimplifaction of what it takes to be happy. I think that the problem with this article and society today is the EXACT fact (or myth in my opinion) that the greatest happiness one can achieve comes from a revved up sex life. When has it ever been a good idea to give something so much weight?!
*oversimplification
I agree. People always misunderstand happiness when it comes to their career. They think if they make more money, they will be happier. In reality, money doesn’t really contribute to your happiness. You just need to find a job that you enjoy doing. You will become more happy working a job you enjoy that makes ok money then working a job you hate making loads of money.
I really don’t know how to explain myself on this topic except how could making money have anything to do with sex. Im only 18 so i don’t really know anything about making money. I don’t make that much money yet but sex is still good to me. Like i dont think it really matters on how much money you make. For some people it may be like that it all depends on the person!!!!!!!!!!
I agree with what your saying. Although I have a question that I was hoping you can email me about or respond to on here but I much rather an email. It has to do with Financial issues. Me and my husband live with my parents fr right now because of the simple fact of were both going to school. Were moving out next month. Together we will be making aroung $43,000. The apartment were looking at is $800 since together we make $3300 a month will that be enough to survive in today’s society. I dont care about that fancy stuff. I have 4 more years until I can get my second degree but for now I can only work part time while my husband work full. Do you believe that $43,000 isnt enough a year for just the both of us?
I understand that sex could lead to happiness but I don’t know if it would be as much as the article says, because what if you’re with a person you don’t care for but stay with them only for the sex? Are you saying one can still be happy? And sadly money is semi important. If you don’t have money or at least make enough to make a living you will be too stressed and not be able to enjoy the pleasure of being with someone. You would just do it, because you think it will make you happen.
Interesting article…I agree with the beginning of the article for sure. I loved getting and receiving all the unnecessary things in life when living at home. It made me very happy. I just recently moved out and I thought I would be unhappy because I don’t have many of the things I had before. Cable is actually one of the things I don’t have right now. Surprisingly, I don’t care. I have food, shelter, the necessities, and I feel it’s all I really need to make me happy. The more sex the merrier! I can believe that.
It wouldn’t be bad to have one million dollars. Just put it in the bank and invest the interest. But I know to have realistic goals so I would go for sex at least once a day…A combination of the two would make me happy.
What if you’re too ugly to have sex/form intimate relationships?
I can pay for sex, but I can’t get it from a loving partner. As a result, I am suicidally depressed much of the time. Can I ever lead a fulfilling life? The sexual frustration destroys my focus on most tasks.
Paul, I completely agree with you. You need money to have sex.
For those that seem to miss the whole point of this let me repeat the main points:
1 – You need enough money to cover the basic NEEDS in life (the bottom of Maslow’s hierarchy of “needs” – food, shelter, warmth.)
2 – You need to be in a relationship in which you invest enough time and effort that the other person WANTS to have sex with you (and for most people they are good with once a week) – it is not about getting sex once a week, it is about intimacy and it doesn’t get more intimate than a sexual experience – and yes it is the difference between sex and “making love”
In both cases more is better, as long as the pursuit of one does not damage the other.
3 – Some times terrible things will happen that make you unhappy. If you have worked hard enough at (2) then you are more likely to come out without feeling depressed.
I can empathise with Paul, and the problem here is that the other person has not realised what makes them happy – usually a previous damaged relationship (parent’s divorce, own divorce, bad break-up/infidelity/betrayal in a previous relationship) which they are mapping on to the current relationship. Only the other person can realise and break that cycle and if you help them do it then you will suceed at (2)
Money is important but sex is important as well. A combination of both is great to have. A healthy sex life in combination with a hard work ethic could help someone in making some money.
In my humble opinion, I think that at the beggining, more money does buy happiness. But then comes the problems that money also brings. Have you heard of the saying, ” more money, more problems “. I beleave this is true. The more money, the greater opportunity to get into trouble. Have you heard of the lottery curse. Ordinary people before winning the lottery were way more happy than after winning the lottery. I really don’t think there is an answer to how much money it takes to be happy. Human nature is just to have more, and more, and more. I think that to be truely happy, money can not be part of the equation . That is my opinion.
I’d say the answer is as much money as you need to pay your bills, send your kids to a great college, and retire on when you hit the old age. Extra “fun” with the spouse helps too.
Posted by babelfish on 02/04/2009 at 06:23am
BANG ON!
This is quite a hot information. I’ll share it on Delicious.
The article has numerous points that does make complete sense, but not a lot of people are aware towards these specific points. If people knew what to look for in order to be happy (such as what wa), then they would reas discussedch that point!
You know I read that complete post and you could have summed it up in one sentence, what makes people hapy is to get paid & laid. It is interesting though that they find 40k a year is the cut off for happiness I am still a couple thousand shy yearly, but almost there. That was an enjoyable post!!
in our days money has become a measure of happiness than just a measure of exchange. |Disgusting
I have no money worries at all because I earn far more money than I need. Now this is the crux for me, I live in a modest house and drive an old Nissan car (which I bought from new ten years ago and it never breaks down!). I eat basic food and furnish my house basically, I have an old small TV, one computer and wear contemporary clothes! I spend perhaps 20% of my income (income is approx $110,000) because I know that having a big house, a flashy car and designer clothes are not gong to make me a different person, or indeed any happier. I also have two children and it would be wrong IMO to give them an impression that money makes one happy, they will grow up feeling confident with what they have and will not make social comparisons with richer people because the whole idea of spending on material things will not be part of their mindset. I have agonised many times over buying a new car, which I could afford twenty times over, but no, in the end I always decide that it will not really make me happier, I would be doing it to please others and not myself. My children have no toys and never watch TV, they are very happy, never bored, never complain and eat the same basic food, week after week. They are inquisitive, critical and articulate. When I suggested we could move to a larger house they were ardently opposed on the grounds that we would just end up filling the bigger house with furniture and things we had no use for. So I have conditioned my kids to lead a life where they spend according to THEIR needs, not to the needs of OTHERS. We are all happy, we have warm beds to sleep in, a car to travel in, a TV to watch sometimes, books to read, a garden to play in and enough food to fill us up. We do not have biscuits, candy bars, fizzy-drinks, alcohol, drugs, a big SUV, a home cinema, compute games etc. This is not due to lack of money, it is just that I am at a loss to see how having these things would make me a different/better person.
Get paid and get laid. Hilarious!
I didn’t need 4 years at an Ivy League school to figure that out… Just 4 minutes with the Notorious B.I.G.
FBGM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aUaXAsMda9M
i would say that to be happy it is not necessary that you need to have 40,000 per year it is always better to have a limited amount of money and stay happier
i know a lot of people who have enough money but not happy
so money matters in a relationship both in a positive and in a negative way
Money and Relationships
LOVED this post – especially the last paragraph about sex and money!! Great stuff!!
inlawswithmoney.blogspot.com
Money *does* buy happiness. It’s what you give up while earning that money that ruins it.
You will be happier doing the same job for 10 hours/week and earning 300K/year than if you had to work 80 hours/week to earn the same amount.
Happiness is liberty – the freedom to do what you want. But we lose liberty in the process of earning it, and that is bad.
I would definitely take good sex every day of the week over making over $100k a year. I can make anything (expensive or free) fun as long as it’s with a person that has the same attitude and so far, good sex with a good man has given me way more pleasure than bad sex with a rich man who was extremely into his money and his status.
I love this. It is very true. So many people, especially my friends, just want a job that will make bank because they think having all the money will take their worries away…. well see about that.
i was strangely surprised to read the statistics on americans and sex- i guess i never really wondered what other people were doing. but i thought that it was interesting that the article didn’t further talk about the types of sexual relationships and their statistics. i mean that for the married couple that are trying to conceive but can’t-i can’t imagine that sex would make them happier. A crumbling marriage is still sexually active, i would think, would also not to make the couple happier. Is it the physical act of sex that creates this happiness or the relationship that brings forth sex?
I don’t understand why a majority of my friends think if they have the high paying job, the slick car, all these unnecessary things they will be more happy in life. I can almost guarantee the person who is making 30,000 a year is having more sex then the person making 130,000 a year and wouldn’t that make anyone more happy in life. I don’t get why can’t people learn to be a little more humble I think they would get a lot more satisfaction in and out of the bedroom.
I live in the capital of materialistism… it’s called Orange County. Everyone here wants wealth, status, expensive accessories to trail along with them, big houses, and they would rather dig themselves into debt to give themselves status than risk being viewed as middle class. Luckily, I am originally from Pennsylvania, and have seen the real world as well. I guarantee that all the debt that my neighbors (and by neighbors, I mean the ones that live 15 miles down the street, because I certainly can’t afford to live in their neighborhood) have accumulated, does NOT make them happy, but rather makes them work harder to keep up with the payments. How do they ever have the chance to enjoy these possessions that they have acquired? I live in an apartment complex, and I am surprised by the amount of really nice cars parked inside on a day to day basis. Brand new BMW’s, Mercedes… how are these people choosing to drive an expensive car like that, when they are paying rent? Living in an apartment? Wouldn’t they rather own a home, then have this “nice car”? No.. because it is all about status here. We want people to see our nice car and think, “wow, that guy lives the life.” I have news to Orange County… this is NOT happiness people!!
I think that this article greatly supports the idea that experiences have far greater effects on ones level of happiness rather than possessions, and yes once again only after the basic needs are met.
Its interesting to find out that one sex partner a year will make you happier than more than that.
i agree that people want bigger and better things just to make it seem like they are better or have more money than others, but why should we care who has a nicer car or a bigger house than us. my mom always told me that just because they have nice things does not mean they are happy and can actually afford it. its just a fairytale for some people. Which i did not understand at first. I am happy in my middle sized house with my little car and my family, i can not understand why you need such bigger things like a house when all that really matters is who is inside the house!
I went from being married to a loser who hardly made any money (the money he did make funded his gambling and drinking habits) to living with an ambitious, well-off business owner who takes care of me like no one ever has (not only do I love him deeply I respect him immensely for all that he has accomplished and for how well he treats me). I make $60k a year at my job and my spouse makes approximately 5 times as much. Keep your $40k happiness and give me the life that I now live – one without struggling to pay bills and wondering where groceries for the week will come from. God bless those of you who are struggling (especially those of you with children). The grass really is greener on the other side and I hope you get there one day.
Interesting post. Some people do just want naive, in-the-moment happiness — I know a truck driver who is quite happy and has had a great life. What makes me happy in a simplistic way is running and dancing and having close relationships with positive people and seeing the outdoors, sun, and a trusting romantic relationship.
But some of the most creative and successful people are chronically unsatisfied. For example, I can’t imagine Steve Jobs ever being happy with an Apple product, because he’s such an obsessive perfectionist. Many people are very driven to succeed financially or otherwise. Does this make them happy? Probably not, since wealth has only marginal increase in happiness beyond say the “$40k” point, and there’s opportunity cost in happy life experiences foregone if you’re burning time making more money.
However, I’m skeptical altogether of the worshipful attitude towards happiness. Do I want straight-up happiness? Hell no! In the context of these studies, “happiness” means having a lifelong pool of simple joys in every moment. I want to have an extraordinary life, be successful, and be satisfied with my accomplishments, rather than just hang out in the happy jacuzzi. Will this make me more or less happy over my whole life? Who knows! Honestly, who cares. Happiness is just one of a whole gamut of human experiences. It all depends on what you want.
If I worried only about happiness, I wouldn’t be able to make any sense of my life at all. I often hate myself. This is because for a large fraction of my life, I had essentially no friends. I didn’t know how to socialize with people. I’ve practiced making friends, and it’s getting better. Now given this, I can ask, “What makes me happy?” Eating jelly donuts? Talking all day long with people? Doing only what makes me happy would get me out of any reasonable job and unhealthy in no time! In this context, it’s much better for me to talk about goals and accomplishments and what I can do, rather than how to be happy. When you can’t figure out what to do, or your emotional state is a train wreck, there’s a lot to be said for having a functional life, rather than one that caters to your emotions.
Ideally, yes, we all have feelings that are cared for, and are surrounded by positive people who care about us. In reality, pfah! That’s a luxury. There is scarcity. Of time, money, interesting work, friendly people, attractive women, beautiful places to run, and whatever else you want. Life is balancing act, if you want all happiness, you’re giving up things like goals, challenges, getting a successful woman/man who will allow you to grow, and if you have a family, raise your kids to have the best opportunities.
So if happiness of the moment is what you want, choose it, but it’s not the only thing out there. Certainly people don’t need to worship it, over alternatives such as say, accomplishing goals, life satisfaction, feelings of being challenged, feelings of being worthwhile, useful, having personal power, autonomy, sociability, purpose, and so forth. Imagine how happy Churchwill was to be fighting World War II. Does that mean it wasn’t worthwhile?
i just want to thank you for your blog. as an 18 year old coming to a fork in the road about what options i am going to choose to close (primarily should i pursue Not making so much money and just focus on learning what i want to and pursue relationships (or am i just being foolish?)-without being a burden on my parents afterwards) i know i could make it with a smaller “footprint”. but i have been torn because i am being thrashed by the fears and anxieties of my parents. i have been feeling the sense that this is the way to go, but then i stumbled across this article a few days ago and ever since i have been reading your entire blog with absolute relish! :) i never read blogs and before i never saw the point in them until i read yours.
i now have the clarity to see it as courage, not brashness, to take the classes that interest or are of personal value to me, and to pursue enrichment over riches. thank you for this delight
Guys, money alone cannot buy you happiness,there are other things you need to put together with money to make you happy.Mathematically speaking, Happiness is a whole, and money is just a Fraction the whole.
I agree with that directly above. I have been following this thread for over 2 years now and I have to say it is my total fav! Such an interesting topic. And just now really coming to the attention to people who used to think that material things would make them happy.
great post thanks!
ks for posting this!
thanks for posting this!
potty training boys?!
If you don’t have a partner, i think it won’t be a smart idea to try to have sex with somebody everyday, unless you’re talking about self-sex. Even so, there’s a whole lot of things that could be done in lieu of daily sex that could lift the spirit.. countless hobbies waiting to be tried, places to discover, books to read. Possibilities are endless. Daily sex without commitment, in the long run, may be more detrimental than helpful.
Penelope,
Do you think that 40,000 is enough to meet basic needs, and make it so my wife doesn’t need to work so she could be home raising the kids?
I think you should read this entire thread to answer that question. There is actually quite a bit of insight here that will help you answer that….
This is the longest thread I ever read. And I think that says something. It is quite interesting, aside from the junk posts in here every now and then. Specifically, I think this topic does not get enough attention. Probably because the corporate structure needs for us to not think this way… Thanks for this.
I agree with many of the comments….whenever you are short on money we do not feel as happy as we should, but whenever we get more money it makes us happy for a while, once we meet out basics need we adapt to it and it does not make a diference in happiness..
You only need as much money as it takes to take care of your self and family but then it is irrelevent. It may make you happy at first but as the hedonic tredmill says to will adapt and it will no longer satisfy. So i say just have more sex!
I really think that ethnicity really relate to sex because in Japanese researchers found japanese people are almost lowest rank of having sex in the world.
I totally agree with this blog. It feels like my peers are so-called “dragging their feet to grow up”, but in reality they are all pretty happy doing what they want to do. And the friends of mine who did what they were “supposed to”, found the first crappy wife, kids, and job they could find, and are now miserable.