I hate having to earn money, but I like knowing what makes me valuable
The only way I find out what people value most about me is by having to sell something. Otherwise I’m just guessing. And I pretty much always guess wrong. Like I thought I was so great at writing about sex, but I only made money writing about careers. Now I understand why careers was more valuable: it’s easier for people to talk about their sex life than their finances, and careers are about money.
It took a while for me to face that I wasn’t one of the best entrepreneurs, but I was one of the best coaches. I could tell because even though I wouldn’t say publicly that I coach people, people kept contacting me to coach them.
Now, I see this happening with parenting.
I never wanted to be known for parenting. I needed to keep supporting my kids financially, and topics in business were way more lucrative than parenting. This was clear when I got fired from my favorite career columnist gig because I wrote too much about being pregnant. Also, I was basically a single parent, and I felt that being a single parent was like having a disease that all the married parents stayed away from.
Now that my kids are in college, I thought I’d be so excited to go back to an adults-only world. But often when I see something new I think: this would be so fun with kids. I have a hunch my orientation has always been kids, which surprises me. But most of the money I’ve earned as an empty nester is from helping families identify hurdles and goals, and setting up systems to get kids what they need.
It’s ironic because I just spent 20 years struggling as a parent. And the whole time I wanted to talk with someone who had lined up services and had a plan — for ADHD, dyslexia, OCD, picky eating, unschooling. I wanted to talk with someone who had taken their kids out of school without having a plan. I wanted a mentor who got their kids from homeschool to college. It was hard to find help for that stuff. So I did tons of things wrong.
I think we are most valuable to people in the areas where we’ve taken the most risks. Because everyone wants help when things feel shaky, and in that moment, someone who has been shaky before seems like they would have great advice.
I remember when you started you homeschooling blog. It was ( I think) before my daughter was born. I read it because it was engaging, just as your unconventional career advice is engaging. I have always valued your posts. I read them all. I see your value as a writer, even when I disagree with your thesis (which isn’t all that often). Is love to be coached by you, but that’s not in the cards right now. I’m mostly just grateful when you share your voice. Thank you.
I appreciate you saying this! I have a difficult time knowing how to umderstand where it fits in my world. What to do with it. I don’t like having it separate. It feels untidy. But your comment helps me make sense of how things fit together. Thank you.
Penelope
You’re remarkable for being able to see past what you want to what you offer that’s actually valuable. This probably kept you well afloat all these years.
I would be happy if, at the end of my life, my kids said, “She kept herself well afloat.” But I think they probably have a different interpretation.
Penelope
A coaching session with you is on my bucket list – hopefully we can do that in 2025. I will count on you to give me the truth from your perspective. That’s a hard thing to find sometimes!
I’ve always felt like you’re speaking directly to me and I look up to you, as a writer, mother, woman and human. I’m raising a son. He will be 4 this month. I planned to homeschool him before he was born. I’m unsure now but this week when he said he wanted to jump the fence at forest school and come home I’m thinking we will.
I always feel like you’re speaking directly to me and like I’m still a little college girl reading your blog admiring you but now I’m a mom to a nearly 4 year old boy and I haven’t been able to really come close to utilizing your career advice and I think it’s definitely because I need to take way more risks and I take less the older I keep getting. Thank you for being you.
If it’s any consolation, I’m not sure I’ve been able to really use my career advice either. Much easier to tell other people what to do :)
Penelope