Career ruin: homeschooling
When people tell me they want to stay home with their kids and they can’t afford it, I want to yell at them about how when I was trying to write freelance and take care of the kids I had a babysitter refuse to come to the house because we had no food in the house. We had no food in the house because we had no money. I bought food on a day-to-day basis. That was me, affording to stay home with my kids and not work.
I must also admit that I ended up in a mental ward. Maybe from postpartum depression, but probably from the stress of being the sole breadwinner and a stay-at-home mom.
I am having flashbacks. Because I’m homeschooling now — both boys. I never really believed I’d do this. When I launched my homeschooling blog I actually thought I was just exploring a trend. I thought I’d just write a little about how it’s clear to me that there is about to be a homeschooling revolution.
But that’s not what happened.
Because then I noticed how the US school system is really just the biggest babysitting institution in the world. My first clue, probably, was that I was dying to have my kids back in school so I could have my life back. What else can I do to get time alone? How else can I do some work? Work is very fun.
I love work. I love how people tell me how great I am when I am right. I love when I sell something and make a lot of money, when I create a great job for someone, when I give great career advice. Work is so rewarding. I get accolades and I get money. It’s a toxic combination.
And kids at home without school is just impossible. There is no reward system. There is no announcement that the mom has done a good job. We don’t even know what a good job is.
So in the middle of realizing that school is really just a babysitting service, I became militant. I realized that public school is like Social Security. There is no money to do what we are pretending we are aiming to do. We should just grow up and admit that we cannot have effective public schools for everyone. Just like we cannot have Social Security for everyone.
But parents in the middle class can have one parent working and one parent home with their kids.
I feel like I have no choice. Because while I was waiting for the kids to go back to school, I was reading. And, of course, now my homeschool site makes me a magnet for research about school. And the evidence is overwhelming that schools are not meeting the educational needs of children:
- Unstructured play is more important than everything else for young kids.
- Test scores are not important.
- The homeschool trend is huge among educated parents.
- Passion-based learning is an impossible goal with 30 kids and one teacher.
- Almost all serious talk of school reform is about redefining what school is.
I challenge you to read these links and tell me you don’t think homeschool would be better for your kids. And this is why I tell myself that I have to make homeschooling work.
Believe me. There is absolutely no evidence that middle class kids from college-educated parents should be sitting in a classroom. Find me some. Really. Put it in the comments. Because if I could have found some, my kids would be in a classroom today.
But you know what? I can’t figure out how to get my work done and do homeschool too. I can’t figure out: Should I work more to pay for more childcare so I can work more? I know I don’t want the pressure of trying to have a big job and be a mom. I want to be a mom and I want to have an interesting job. And, I guess, I want to figure out how much more I have to work in order to pay for somehow getting a break from the kids.
I feel so bad writing that. A break from the kids. But that’s what sending kids to school is. Giving the parents a break. So I guess I’m still doing that. I’m still planning to get some sort of break. I’m just not calling it school.
Last week, all I could think of for my break was shopping at Forever 21. And I am hopeful that maybe it counted as homeschooling, too.
“I realized that public school is like Social Security. There is no money to do what we are pretending we are aiming to do.”
Contrary to popular myth, Social Security is in good shape. Based on pretty conservative budget estimates, SS will continue paying 100% of benefits through 2040 or so, and 75-80% of benefits after that, with no changes to current laws or taxes. Minor changes would allow it to pay 100% of promised benefits indefinitely.
http://krugman.blogs.nytimes.com/2008/03/28/about-the-social-security-trust-fund/
Home schooling gets my blood boiling. As the product of public education (my kids too) and the child and sister of teachers I completely and totally disagree with home schooling: 1) Teachers are trained to educate in ways that parents are not. So being a parent untrained in education means that children who are home schooled are not educated. They might read interesting books and go on interesting field trips to the mall (things they can do while in school too) but they are not educated according to any curriculum or against any particular standards. A parent loves their kids but it is very hard to separate yourself from the kid and focus on what needs to be learned and the best way to teach so the child actually learns something. 2) There is no way that a parent understands all the subjects a child needs to learn. No way. It is not possible. If it were possible, 1 room schools would still be around. And exposing the child to occasional trips to the science museum is just not the same. 3) Public education (which is what home schooling is trying to kill) is a community effort. Parents need to be involved to enforce and reinforce the teaching done in the classroom. This is the parent’s role. But if parents withdraw from the public education process, all the children lose – the children who sit at home with well intentioned parents who cannot teach and the children who might benefit from sharing a classroom with those children sitting at home. The whole concept of education falls apart. 4) There is absolutely no proof that students home schooled compete with students educated in the community. In my state and in most others, home schooled and charter educated students don’t take the same tests so there is no way to prove that the children are learning at the same level. Yet the common wisdom reflected in this blog entry says that public schools are crappy? Right.
You are overwhelmed by having the children around all day in the summer because you don’t have any system for education because you don’t understand about a system for education. So while your kids are at school learning and you are at home working everyone in society is gaining because specialists are focusing on what they do best – teachers teach and you write. Little pods of children wasting time with their parents are not learning, not working with other people who are different from them, and most important are not exposed to ideas that might be different from the little world created by their parents so they are not learning critical thinking. And the concept of public education for the good of society is dying away. A very bad outcome for society all together. I am very disappointed in your point of view, Penelope. Very short sighted.
I think you are the shortsighted one. Most of what you write is completely false. Homeschool parents do follow a curriculum. Some of the public schools in this country are simply wastelands where the staff is simply trying to get difficult children with no family support through to the next level, even minimally. You think that’s better than an educated person following a state-supported curriculum at home? You must live in a community where the schools haven’t been shredded by budget cuts. My local middle school now has at least 35 kids per “trained” teacher. What happens? The teacher helps the ones who need the most help. The brighter kids have little or no opportunity to keep moving forward at an appropriate pace. THIS is how the whole concept of education falls apart. Wake up. “Must be a community effort” is a pipe dream. Go tell that to the inner city parents who have a tv in every room and toss their kids a bag of chips every day for a snack instead of a bunch of grapes. We are dealing with a cultural breakdown in the education of our children. As soon as you figure out a way to get those parents to help with homework, I’ll get on board with your theory. In the meantime, I’ll focus on getting my child an education.
Can you clarify?
3) Public education (which is what home schooling is trying to kill) is a
community effort. Parents need to be involved to enforce and reinforce
the teaching done in the classroom. This is the parent’s role. But if
parents withdraw from the public education process, all the children
lose – the children who sit at home with well intentioned parents who
cannot teach and the children who might benefit from sharing a classroom
with those children sitting at home. The whole concept of education
falls apart.
It sounds like you are saying that the public school system is so weak that if a minority of students are kept out of it failure ensues.
Can you clarify?
3) Public education (which is what home schooling is trying to kill) is a
community effort. Parents need to be involved to enforce and reinforce
the teaching done in the classroom. This is the parent’s role. But if
parents withdraw from the public education process, all the children
lose – the children who sit at home with well intentioned parents who
cannot teach and the children who might benefit from sharing a classroom
with those children sitting at home. The whole concept of education
falls apart.
It sounds like you are saying that the public school system is so weak that if a minority of students are kept out of it failure ensues.
You are operating on so many assumptions. Many of which are inaccurate. No wonder your blood is boiling!
I do agree that teaching is not natural and no one should assume that by virtue of being parents, one is at all qualified to teach. Luckily, it is irrelevant. Learning is natural, and children learn “despite” teachers or parents for that matter.
If I could offer you proof that the universe does not revolve around the Earth, would you consider another perspective of reality is possible?
There is nothing “natural” about learning quadratic equations or chemistry for 90% of the population.
Are you saying *every* school is better than *every* homeschool situation? Do you even know what you’re saying?
“There is no way that a parent understands all the subjects a child needs to learn. No way. It is not possible. If it were possible, 1 room schools would still be around.” Do you know how one-room schools worked? Kids learned on their own and helped teach younger children while the teacher supervised and mentored. That’s basically homeschooling. I don’t have to know every subject my kids need to learn; how ridiculous. My sons teach themselves things all the time. They take classes, too. Where are you getting your narrow, incorrect views of homeschooling? Are you aware that hs’ed kids do better on standardized tests than public-schooled kids? From a purely educational standpoint, homeschool wins.
Yooze so right. them homeskoolin parens prolly just use like the bak of a cirel box or sumin to teach them kids thar numbers and stuff like that and think that’s edumakatin em. And I bet Penelope is one of em crackpots who just pull out the ole famly Bible for readin lesons or sumin.
I was homeschooled in an isolated family. I had no social skills until I was forced to get some in college. To this day, I still wrestle with the subtle social aptitude that my peers have that I have yet to find. However, I did excel in college and kick butt in the work world… alone. So my solution has been to have my child in public school, know the teacher, encourage an educational environment at home and hope my son figures out how to get a long with people his own age far better than I have ever figured it out.
As we all know from your writings, networking is key.
I am fortunate though to live in a rural area and have my son is in a school with low student/teacher ratios and I have rapport with both the principal and the teacher. What is vital is to teach kids how to learn, because that is really what it boils down too – knowing where to go dig in when you are presented with a problem you have never worked with before.
Engineers must have this skill and apply it proficiently! :)
Couldn’t a parent just do 1-2 hours of extended enrichment at home to expand upon what they’re already learning at school, instead of ditching the whole thing? I just don’t buy that the majority of schools are SO terrible that ONE person with little subject matter expertise can do a superior job of teaching all those subjects for all those years than someone who has honed their skills at teaching students at a particular developmental level and undergone extensive training.
I’m sure there’s an elite 1% that can do a phenomenal job. However. Over my years working in schools, my observation was that was that the least capable parents elect to homeschool their children…usually because of a conflict with the school system or a behavioral problem. Many of those kids are not getting any kind of “schooling” at home.
If all of these parents can do a better job, why don’t they BECOME teachers and work to improve the school system instead of worrying only about their child? I’ve never been a teacher, wouldn’t want to, couldn’t do it…equating it to a giant babysitting system akin to social security is purely ridiculous to me. Volunteer in a classroom for one week and I guarantee you’ll be in awe of all one teacher can accomplish.
How could a child possibly have the same stimulation, discussion, diversity…any of it…at home with just mom or dad? What about all the years of social skills lost?
The idea that parents can do 1-2 hrs of enrichment on TOP of a regular school day AND homework is just fallacy. Typical kids are in extracurricular activities like soccer, swim team, dance, gymnastics, scouts. Evenings are insane with dinner preparation, homework, bedtime rituals, etc. Some people spend half of Sunday at church. When is this enrichment going to occur? Can it be authentic? Is it just another thing forced onto an over-scheduled kid that they wish would just go away so they can play pokemon on their DS?
It’s silly to think homeschooled kids are always at home with mom and dad. Wake up. They’re taking lessons and classes; they belong to co-ops. They go to scouts and 4-H. They participate on every kind of athletic team, and they belong to robotics clubs, chess clubs, sewing clubs… Most hs’ing families I know spend most of their time *away* from home. And hs’ing offers MUCH more diversity than public school if you live in my area – the kids at school are clones. Drive 20 minutes and you’re in a university town with tremendous diversity in the mixed-age homeschool activities. They develop superior social skills from doing more collaborative activities with a more diverse group of kids and adults.
Your suggestion that parents should become teachers if they think they can do a better job cracks me up. Can I do a better job with my class of two? I sure can. Does that mean I should give up my career and teach public school? No thanks. Those parents can worry about their kids. I already took care of mine.
Great response
The public schools are broken because the system itself is ill-conceived. It is not just a matter of 2 students per teacher being better that 30 (although, in most situations, this is true) or that there aren’t enough computers in schools. The main problems with the school system include that it is compulsory – and true learning withers under coercion – and it is based on a factory model of sorting kids by date of manufacture and then filling their heads with pre-established ingredients/curricula – whereas true learning is learner-based and requires choice, intent, and action on the part of the learner. A huge problem with the system is that a lot of time and effort is spent ranking kids and labeling kids — kids as numbers or scores on achievement tests, winners and losers, As and Fs and Cs — whereas true learning starts wherever the learner is and goes forward from there. True learning can evaporate from the scalding heat of “objective” evaluation, testing, scoring, grading – and it is stunted even by certain sorts of praise and reward.
Many people who homeschool treat life and learning in a completely different way than the school assignments, reports, tests, and grades. We unschoolers have had decades of success in raising creative problem solvers, critical thinkers, scientists and artists and service workers and entrepreneurs. And we parents who have proven our success with our own kids cannot go into the public school system and replicate it there, because the system itself is huge and lethargic and nearly immoveable – and almost exactly the opposite of the conditions necessary for true learning.
Great post, P.
Goodness. I didn’t realize homeschooling was still such a contentious subject. As a former homeschooled student (2nd grade all the way through high school) I’d openly admit that homeschooling isn’t perfect and it isn’t always easy. There is a great deal of fear that comes with leaving the system, even when it is broken. My mother was afraid, despite her conviction that she was doing the right thing for me and my brothers. We stuck it out, and I’m still grateful for my formative education at home.
After my experience (I’m now 22, graduated from college, and working) I have learned that in America, we often look at education the wrong way. Education is not a process of feeding bits of information into children, so that eventually they learn everything they are “supposed” to know and spit it back out on a test. Education is the process of teaching children and young adults how to teach themselves. At home I was free to follow my natural sense of curiosity, and I learned how to
find out what I needed to know. There were no artificial boxes around
different subjects, so I learned to make important connections between the information I consumed. In high school, during the difficult subjects, I engaged in collaborative problem solving with my parents or other mentors. Because my days were not structured for me, I learned to manage time on my own. All of these things are common to the other homeschoolers I’ve known. This approach better prepared me for college level academics.
Deciding to homeschool is a hard decision, and it may not be right for every family (although I believe it can be good for every child). As a former homeschooled student, I think you’re doing a good thing, Penelope.
Those are all interesting points but I think one of the more overlooked benefits of public schools or even private schools is the social aspect. Business, regardless of what industry is about interacting with your peers and being able to communicate to a diverse group of people. My opinion is that by homeschooling children, regardless of how great your instruction might be, will hurt them socially and possibly negating any benefit of the greater education.
At most jobs the employees vary in age. In public school kids are all grouped together by the same age. But my homeschool kids are around all ages, infants all the way up to seniors. My 8 year old regularly talks with our 86 year old neighbor, is great with his 1 year old cousin, and plays with kids his general age range without problem. So my kids have a greater advantage because they are spending time with many ages groups and doing well interacting with them.
And a lot of the socialization I remember in school was kids being cruel, spreading rumors, and generally negative, including the bully in my class that repeatly beat the students of any other nationality than her (and I am only 31.) Having a postive self esteem surely will go a long way in life. Some of us (me included) took years to overcome the insecurities developed in elemantry and middle school, because of the teasing and socialization.
I want to show you where my kids, and I, went to school. One of the earlier Progressive schools. I think you’ll like the pictures. http://www.peninsulaschool.org/
hi Penelope, I think home schooling can be great. But I’m wondering if this means you’re giving up on running businesses for a while that require board meetings and soliciting investors.
I’m also a little confused. Don’t both your sons have special needs? I thought they were autistic. I think home schooling special needs kids would both suspend any career momentum with your business ventures and pose additional hurdles to having their needs met. But maybe I missed a diagnosis update.
The thing that kids can get from school that will be harder in home schooling I think would be social skills. If you have Asperger’s and they have autism and they’re not socialized in a school setting and one of their major extracurricular activities has been solo instruments, it seems like social skills with peers is something they’ll have to pick up somewhere else.
I wish you and them all the best and hope I’ve somehow missed a piece of the puzzle.
This is a great post, Penelope! Thank you for your honesty. I was in your boat 4 years ago when I started home ed for 2 of my boys. I sacrificed a career that I was top of my game at and just getting started too. I still have twinges of regret sometimes. My son would get physically ill when he had to go to school, so our choice to home educate was sort of the last resort for us.
However, I’m so glad that we went through with it. It was not easy and my husband and I had to go through quite of “deschooling” of ourselves. So don’t be so hard on yourself. You love your kids and that is why you have misgivings about school and what it lacks to nurture the minds of your children. Totally understandable too is your economic situation. I think you are in the perfect position to employ BOTH standard schooling and home schooling with your kids.
Of course, I endorse and support that you return to home education if you can, but in the meantime, you can use all you learned and are learning about the virtures of home ed, like “learner-directed learning”, “passion-driven learning,” etc. Hopefully you can find that doable balance between the freedom of home education and the arbitrary rigors of school. Remember, it’s ok to think that school sucks, because it does. Homework sucks, because it does! Work the system – don’t let the system work you. If you use love as your guide – which it looks like you do – then you and your kids will be fine.
Amanda, I appreciate the way you worded that – you are self-aware and, as you said, aware of your own bias. My kids were homeschooled and, like most families who homeschool, we sought out a homeschooling group. Our group was far more varied and also more open about discussing values and differences than most school communities. We had a family in which the mom was a Quaker and the dad was preparing to become a Buddhist monk, a Mormon family, a Catholic family, several atheist and freethinker families, some Pagans, and two Bah’ai families. We had vocal conservatives and liberals and everything between. We had amazing discussions about books, philosophy, history, and politics – informal kids-only discussions, adult discussions that kids sometimes listened to or chimed in on, and a few intentional, set-up discussions with adult “facilitators” and mostly kid participants. We had families considered black, Asian, Jewish, Hispanic, white… There were families who had ten times the financial assets of other families. A big old mix of people – and we came to each know each other because we were a minority in a way that was very important to us: we wanted our kids to grow up and learn in freedom. (Not to mention the very important fact that our family, like all other homeschool families I know, also interacted with a variety of other people through Scouts, sports, art classes, science museum classes, etc.)
I’ve been homeschooling my 5 and 3 year old for 6 weeks now and LOVE IT! I didn’t work so this is just the challenge I have needed as my children have gotten a bit older and we settle into a modern house filled with time-saving devices. Yeah!
I never wanted to homeschool but looked into it after finding out all kindergartens in our area were full day. FULL DAY=NO WAY in my goals. I’ve read the local paper for 2 years and seen weekly reports on how the children’s day is filled. No, thanks. Its back to basics here so that my children learn to write decently.
Its a very individual choice that is great for us. Here’s a few reasons, as I’m not willing to follow dogma in any choice.
1. My son turned 5 in August, he could definitely use more free play and maturing.
2. My son has Asperger tendencies and I’m perfectly fine with helping him learn more about himself in his home environment before exposing him to human cruelty.
3. My son and daughter get to continue forming their awesome sibling relationship.
4. I get to see struggles with activities as they happen and try something else or think on it for a day. I don’t have to wait to ask a teacher or find out at a conference.
5. I get to follow a handy-dandy schedule I bought for a mere $60 to simplify my prep.
6. My son has been teaching himself to read for at least a year now. He needs my presence and a bit of direction, but I’ve yet to have to teach him anything.
I just love being an adult in a free country and getting to make decisions.
Heidi
“I just love being an adult in a free country and getting to make decisions.”
You say that now. Wait until your kids grow up and become adults and start making their own decisions. You might feel a little differently. I’m white-knuckling it.
I think, anymore, even if you send your kid to Public School, you still have to homeschool to close the gaps. We will probably send our kid to school, and have some kind of program at home as well.
M
see above re: “The idea that parents can do 1-2 hrs of enrichment on TOP of a regular school day AND homework is just fallacy.”
see above re: “The idea that parents can do 1-2 hrs of enrichment on TOP of a regular school day AND homework is just fallacy.”
I didn’t say anything about 1-2 hours of enrichment on top of school and homework. You’re putting words in my mouth. Frankly, 1-2 hours of daily enrichment is inappropriate for the elementary school level. And who said we would do homework?
M
I am a third generation teacher who had a spotty, tangled, revolving educational experience growing up. Never longer than two years at any school, by eight years old, I hid the secret that that I couldn’t read by being smart and verbal.
One year of home schooling by the teacher-parents while traveling through Europe in the early 1960’s on a sailboat, taught me to read, love history and realize that the USA is NOT the best place in the world. Seven years of US secondary school taught me how to survive in the shallow shark pool of popular culture – a great lesson for adulthood in America.
There are all kinds of educational experiences in life – it’s ultimately up to the individual to bring meaning and relevance to the journey.
What a fabulous experience! Sailboat in the 60’s. How cool is that?
I am a third generation teacher who had a spotty, tangled, revolving educational experience growing up. Never longer than two years at any school, by eight years old, I hid the secret that that I couldn’t read by being smart and verbal.
One year of home schooling by the teacher-parents while traveling through Europe in the early 1960’s on a sailboat, taught me to read, love history and realize that the USA is NOT the best place in the world. Seven years of US secondary school taught me how to survive in the shallow shark pool of popular culture – a great lesson for adulthood in America.
There are all kinds of educational experiences in life – it’s ultimately up to the individual to bring meaning and relevance to the journey.
It seems to me that if every mother did this (homeschooled her children), we would be back in the 1950s where women didn’t work and all the social implications that has. Even your title says it: it’s ruining your career. There are lots of people whose careers offer very little flexibility in terms of where and when they can work. Not sure how this would work at the macro level…
If that makes school just one big babysitting factory, so? Millions of kids are in day care and they are fine. Millions of kids stay home with mom (sometimes dad) and are also fine. So you’re kid is being babysat at school and is also learning – maybe not the exact, perfect, tailored way of learning that *might* be possible but again, so? I think a lot of this boils down to the fact that parents, especially mothers, feel the need to provide perfection for their kids. And I think that, in and of itself, isn’t good.
Yes, this. Exactly.
Define “fine”. All the daycare, public schooled adults I know aren’t “fine”, including me.
As in, no one who went to day care or public school is fine, or just not 100% of them?
The dirty secret–that parents can’t emotionally handle providing 100% all of the support, guidance, leadership, and discipline their children need 24×7–has a flipside: Kids need time away from their parents as much as parents need time away from their kids.
My children push boundaries like crazy at home, but get rave reviews for attention and discipline in the classroom. We’ve found that the stuff we have to beg/plead/demand/threaten/bribe to get our children to do at home–like focus on the task at hand–they happily do without prodding at school.
School is a microcosm of work. The goal is to prepare children to become productive members of our economy and society. I agree that public school, at our government’s behest, has taken the eye off the ball: now the goal is to A) do well on standardized tests, and B) “get into college.”
This is how we have millions of kids entering college without any idea why they’re there, and without the tools they’ll need to perform. Besides, in the working world, performance reviews aren’t done with standardized tests.
A refocusing of school resources is absolutely needed, but homeschooling means worlds of unnecessary stress for parent and child–and likely slowing the development of the child’s ability to work for or with anyone not like the parent.
“School is a microcosm of work.”
Yes, this! I spent so much time in high school thinking the adult world would be so different, but you run into the same social structure over and over again–not just in work but in nearly any organization you join as an adult.
Exactly! You have different “bosses” (teachers), “coworkers” (classmates), “working environments” (classrooms and class rules), and “workloads” in school. You’ll also find cliques, bullies, gossipers, teacher’s pets, and tattletales in adult life.
“School is a microcosm of work.”
Yes, this! I spent so much time in high school thinking the adult world would be so different, but you run into the same social structure over and over again–not just in work but in nearly any organization you join as an adult.
“This is how we have millions of kids entering college without any idea why they’re there, and without the tools they’ll need to perform. Besides, in the working world, performance reviews aren’t done with standardized tests.”
I realize that my family is only one of 1 or 2 million families homeschooling in the US. My two oldest children have graduated high school and are students at a state university. They are both successful both in academics and in extra-curricular/social activities. This is not unusual among the homeschool families that I know.
You’re right that parents alone can’t emotionally handle everything. You do need to have a larger “village”, but that doesn’t have to be a school. In fact up, until a hundred years ago school wasn’t even mandatory and many educated people didn’t go to school. That village can be extended family, church, and homeschooling groups.
I agree that my kids do need to be able to learn from others besides myself. But they can learn that in their extra-curricular activities (gymnastics, guitar, art, dance, softball). Their grandmother has been teaching them how to sew. My oldest learned how to ride her bike without training wheels from the kid next door. And my kids are all constantly teaching each other things (good and bad) in ways different than I would. But I forgot, homeschooled kids are just trapped in their houses all day with no interaction with anyone but their parents and only someone with a teaching degree has the intelligence to pass on basic knowledge.
As for disciplinary issues, there are many people who can put on a good face at school or work but then treat their family like crap. If my kids can follow disciplinary instructions from someone else, then why would they be incapable of taking instruction from me? That makes no sense. Obviously, they are capable. It’s just a matter if as the parent I am willing to put in the time to discipline them correctly.
I would actually find it more stressful to send my kids to school…having to be up early to get everyone ready for the bus, dealing with all of the fundraisers and volunteering, keeping an eye on what the kids are actually being taught, and having to supervise an hour to an hour and a half of homework every night. In the time that most parents spend supervising homework, they could just teach their kids themselves and enjoy the rest of their time together.
This is a great point, especially because parent-child dynamics are not necessarily as ideal in a given family and even the best of circumstances, just because of people being people, as the presumption of many of those commenting here seems to be. Few parents are able to see or admit this; as for the kids, seldom can they do so until it is way too late.
As others have mentioned, home schooling is not one parent locked in a room with one kid all day. It’s cutting edge in education. Schools are trying to mimic the unschooling movement because in a traditional classroom students received minutes, not hours, but minutes of instruction that is aimed at their instructional level and even that may or may not be in a form that is conducive to their learning style. I’ve been a teacher for over 15 years, but that’s not my opinion. That’s what the research shows.
That is because the vast majority of class time is taken up with classroom management and addressing the needs of a wide range of students. A class with just two or three different ability levels is a luxury that is rarely seen in my school. Try teaching a middle school Language Arts class with students ranging from a 3rd grade to a 9th grade reading level. Sure the kids reading on a high school level is content to finish their work in 5-10 minutes and spend the rest of the time reading, but why should they have to spend their youth that way? For years I ran myself ragged creating extension activities for these students, in addition to differentiated lessons for 2-3 different levels of ESL students and perhaps 4-8 special ed students each with different educational requirements. The research is now clear. Self-selected reading is far and away the best use of class time.
A far better use of these kids’ time would be to spend a couple hours with a LA program and a math program on the computer at home, a couple hours reading outside, and the rest of her time pursing hobbies, working on projects, and exploring career options through apprenticeships.
Penelope is right. These students are being warehoused, not educated, and no, not socialized, either. The ‘socialized’ kids are the ones who have involved parents and outside interests. The kids who don’t have that support system operate in a Lord of the Flies environment that is extremely detrimental to their future educational and employment prospects.
Your point is valid. As I mention later below, there seems to be a real misapprehension among many, including me, of the meaning of word “homeschooling.”
That word comes with a lot of baggage. It probably needs to be replaced. It’s really an individualized educational plan with the parents directing their child’s education rather than the school.
Sorry for the poor editing in my previous comment. After a day teaching, my mental faculties are exhausted.
As others have mentioned, home schooling is not one parent locked in a room with one kid all day. It’s cutting edge in education. Schools are trying to mimic the unschooling movement because in a traditional classroom students received minutes, not hours, but minutes of instruction that is aimed at their instructional level and even that may or may not be in a form that is conducive to their learning style. I’ve been a teacher for over 15 years, but that’s not my opinion. That’s what the research shows.
That is because the vast majority of class time is taken up with classroom management and addressing the needs of a wide range of students. A class with just two or three different ability levels is a luxury that is rarely seen in my school. Try teaching a middle school Language Arts class with students ranging from a 3rd grade to a 9th grade reading level. Sure the kids reading on a high school level is content to finish their work in 5-10 minutes and spend the rest of the time reading, but why should they have to spend their youth that way? For years I ran myself ragged creating extension activities for these students, in addition to differentiated lessons for 2-3 different levels of ESL students and perhaps 4-8 special ed students each with different educational requirements. The research is now clear. Self-selected reading is far and away the best use of class time.
A far better use of these kids’ time would be to spend a couple hours with a LA program and a math program on the computer at home, a couple hours reading outside, and the rest of her time pursing hobbies, working on projects, and exploring career options through apprenticeships.
Penelope is right. These students are being warehoused, not educated, and no, not socialized, either. The ‘socialized’ kids are the ones who have involved parents and outside interests. The kids who don’t have that support system operate in a Lord of the Flies environment that is extremely detrimental to their future educational and employment prospects.
one could also easily argue that the pittance we pay our teachers in relation to the job they perform is part of the cause for schools “not meeting the educational needs of our children.”
and i would also argue that the private voucher concept is also utter nonsense. the education may be better, but if it is also primarily religious based, how is that endorsement any better?
“one could also easily argue that the pittance we pay our teachers in relation to the job they perform is part of the cause for schools “not meeting the educational needs of our children.”
But you haven’t made that argument. It’s not a very good one even if you do make it, but you can’t expect a lot of deference to your merely repeating a slogan.
one could also easily argue that the pittance we pay our teachers in relation to the job they perform is part of the cause for schools “not meeting the educational needs of our children.”
and i would also argue that the private voucher concept is also utter nonsense. the education may be better, but if it is also primarily religious based, how is that endorsement any better?
one could also easily argue that the pittance we pay our teachers in relation to the job they perform is part of the cause for schools “not meeting the educational needs of our children.”
and i would also argue that the private voucher concept is also utter nonsense. the education may be better, but if it is also primarily religious based, how is that endorsement any better?
P–As a child of the public schools,, a first generation college graduate, a former high school English teacher and mother of three, I couldn’t agree more that public education in the U.S. is broken. Penelope, I have read your foray into homeschooling with great interest–and I appreciate your introduction of Lisa Nielson’s Innovative Educator website–which I now follow as well. But here’s the thing: while we agree that the public school system fails, we disagree on the remedy.
You have become an advocate for (and practioner of) DIY Education (homeschooling, unschooling) and it seems you would close all public schools, kindergarten through universities. Or at least it seems you would tolerate an educational system of continued decline in which people with means (the haves) are to drop out (and force women to drop out of the workforce) to build rich educational experiences for their children on their own–while other people, the “have nots”, are to subject their children to dead end schools of declining quality (as more people drop out), who face futures of dead end opportunities.
I have always had a very different dream: to allow all public schools in the land to be the kind of schools we know are possible: schools filled with empowered educators who inspire, challenge and engage all kids. Schools (both K-12 and university level) filled with exciting programs designed to nurture creativity, curiosity and individual gifts–to support self directed learners, all the while building real skills and knowledge.
I couldn’t agree more that our industrialized schools filled with mind-numbing hours of standardized instruction delivered by educators locked in a system that clips their professional wings in no way fulfills this dream; the whole system is a disservice to our children and our country, a system that fails to truly educate or build skills that matter. And I get that when people like you feel that their only choices are failing schools or home education, they choose home.
HOWEVER, I believe that the answer is not to drop out–but to re-create schools! Not reform, but complete revolution. There are amazing schools around the country re-imagining school and innovative educators – like Nielson – who know how! (I also strongly recommend Tony Wagner’s book, The Global Achievement Gap.) It’s just not happening enough.
As the monolith of institutionalized public schools continues to lumber on, it’s easy to get discouraged, to drop out in the face of a hard-line system that refuses innovation. But we live in exciting times and what would happen if we decided to work together to revolutionize our schools for all children rather than abandon them in our own self interests?
P, I know you’re good at foreseeing the future trends. Can you find a way to a larger vision?
I am completely confused. YOU were not homeschooled: you are a product of the public education system. Yet you feel the same public school system is not good enough for your children. But you’re fine. Why do you think they will not be at least as fine as you are? Moreover, you have spared them the sexual abuse you underwent in your upbringing. Why will they not be happier than you without homeschooling?
I could not homeschool my very social only-child, she would be miserable and I am honest enough to admit so would I. And I would rather stick needles in my eyes then give her over to the mediocrity that inhabits our local school district. She is now in her third year of a traditional Montessori School and we are very sad that after kindergarten we will have to once again change speed and move onto a different type of private education. A well run Montessori program is one of the few places that children find discovery within structure, extremely passionate child focused learning, very little “learning for the test” and where 30 children and one (although usually there will be two) teachers can really make it work. I only wish there were more of these schools around.
I’m all for a new way of educating my children, and I believe in the idea of passion-based education. Here’s what worries me about home-schooling. 1. Not all parents are great teachers. I’m not sure I’d be a great teacher. I think my expectations of my child would get in the way of allowing him to develop on his own schedule. 2. I like the idea of my children meeting and developing healthy, mentoring relationships with other adults. 3. I like the idea of my children socializing with other children at school, both positive and negative, and learning how to work in a group towards achieving a goal.
I stay in touch with their teachers, learn what they love, and help them pursue their interests as much as I can. We read together, we write together, do art, explore the world. My boys are doing OK so far. I feel good about my choice, and I feel a little worried, I’ll admit it, for parents who homeschool their children JUST because they want to protect the child from “other experiences.”
Finally got to follow one of the links. Being from the District & suburbs, I am not surprised that parents there are choosing to homeschool. But not every public district has the same issues as DC.
Next comment. Unstructured play is great for young children, but does this argument lose validity as the child reaches middle school and high school? Does your opinion of homeschooling change at a certain age?
The big thing is MS and HS right now is self-selected reading. Research shows that kids reading what they want when they want is four times for effective than the best reading instruction. Combine that with project based and/or inquiry based learning and you can see what comes after unstructured play.
The big thing is MS and HS right now is self-selected reading. Research shows that kids reading what they want when they want is four times for effective than the best reading instruction. Combine that with project based and/or inquiry based learning and you can see what comes after unstructured play.
As children get older they naturally move toward structured play- making up games with rules, playing team sports.
Beyond what we consider play, children will think of ways to pass the time and make up projects. This feels like play to them but will end up being observation and research and practice. Growth moves them along naturally. My son once asked me when he would be too old to play with toys and I told him you’re never too old until it isn’t fun any more.
unstructured play is great for older kids as well. read mihály csikszentmihályi’s “flow” or dr. ken robinson’s “the element”.
Not only is unstructured time important for middle schoolers, it’s important for EVERYONE. Kids play, adults make art. It is the same.
From Marjorie Bekaert ThomasPresident, Ivanhoe Broadcast News: I attended a panel discussion with retired Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O'Connor, who is very concerned about the current lack of civics education in the school system as well as the kids' lack of understanding the importance of an independent judiciary. She highly recommends a website for children which has various games to teach the civics lessons they no longer get in school. Click here to check it out www.icivics.org/ .
From Marjorie Bekaert ThomasPresident, Ivanhoe Broadcast News: I attended a panel discussion with retired Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O'Connor, who is very concerned about the current lack of civics education in the school system as well as the kids' lack of understanding the importance of an independent judiciary. She highly recommends a website for children which has various games to teach the civics lessons they no longer get in school. Click here to check it out www.icivics.org/ .
Penelope, I think that what you really need is to hire a tutor to teach your kids at home so you can work. Kind of like the household manager you hired a hike back.
Maybe an institutional learning environment is not great for your kids. That doesn’t mean you need to be the one to teach them, or that you’re a bad mom got wanting to spend time away for them. We are not all cut out to be with our kids 24/7. No shame
I agree with Carla. There must be some middle ground to explore in between public (or even private) school and homeschool, surely?
We have found a very good middle ground. I teach academics at home, and three afternoons a week, dd7 goes to a charter school for the afternoon, where she gets recess, the chance to make playground blunders and play with friends, and have Spanish, music/drama, PE, and art, along with a little history and science “investigation”. A child of her age doesn’t need to be in a school setting for 35 hours each week. Finland–the apparent educational leader of the globe–doesn’t even start regular academic schoolwork until age 7, and they have shorter school days for the younger grades. If one can find a cooperative school district/principal, I highly recommend the partial-enrollment route for the younger grades at least.
I agree with Carla. There must be some middle ground to explore in between public (or even private) school and homeschool, surely?
Thank God homeschooling was non-existent in our community when I was a kid. My mom was too freaked out to teach me about my period and my dad didn’t last 15 minutes trying to teach me how to drive stick shift before the car dealer had to take over. Math? History?? English??? They would have given up quickly and I would be a 41-year old with a 2nd grade education. I get a bit jealous when I read/hear about other parents who want to be so involved. Kinda cool.
You
should outsource half of your kids' learning time — hire someone (like me)
with a social work and tutoring background to teach your kids math (my
strongest subject) and whatever else you aren’t strong in for 20 hours/week
(2.5 days), and use the time they’re working to work too. And then teach them yourself the subjects/areas
you prefer.
I think public
schools could be effective, but I agree that it requires much more one-on-one
attention and curriculum differentiation, essentially changing the school
concept from a factory model to an environment representative of the workplace
in 2010s (something you’re particularly knowledgeable about).
i hold a masters degree in reading and critical thinking. my husband holds a phd in rhetoric. we are both educators. we did not send our children to public school to learn content. today’s world allows us to access information, so we need to teach children the process of inquiry motivated by curiosity. how to evaluate credibility of sources, AND HOW TO RELATE TO OTHERS, OTHERS WHO MAY NOT BE MIDDLE CLASS.
read First democracy by paul woodruff and you will learn that literacy and criitical thinking are essential for a democracy to survive. public schools offer the skills and the practice lab.we sent our children to public school to experience recess–unstructured play without an adult telling children what to do.stand up for public schools. put your children in spanish immersion, like we did.people who complain about their child’s lack of achievement don’t realize that parents who participate in their child’s learning are the most powerful factor for success.stop complaining and volunteer to assist your child’s teacher a few hours each week.
linda
I have no idea what a “masters degree in reading and critical thinking” is but it evidently does not include capitalization.
lol that public school teaches critical thinking and allows a process of inquiry motivated by curiosity.
lol that public school teaches critical thinking and allows a process of inquiry motivated by curiosity.
“There is absolutely no evidence that middle class kids from college educated parents should be sitting in a classroom. Find me some. Really. Put it in the comments.”
I really wish the anti-homeschooling people would respond to this, instead of just stating opinions. But if nobody else is going to try, then I’ll have a crack at it (even though I think I might end up homeschooling my kids).
The best argument against homeschooling I’ve heard comes from twin adoption studies. Check out Bryan Caplan’s “Selfish Reason’s to Have More Children” for a pop science summary
http://www.amazon.com/dp/046501867X/?tag=ptrunk-20
Basically, the twin studies indicate that nurture has only a very small effect on a child’s development outcomes (including IQ, academic achievement, future income, health etc) compared with genetic inheritance.
My argument against homeschooling, assuming the twin studies are valid, is that we all become who we are are and there is very little parents can do about it. So why should parents bother giving up work?
Please note again, I’m playing devil’s advocate.
This. I’m surprised that someone as research-oriented and Internet-proficient as Penelope has not mentioned the enormous evidence of nature being the main factor in defining someone’s future. Her children will be what they are meant to be (based on genes and prenatal environment) regardless of the education method, so why torture herself looking for perfection?
@Penelope: I have read all those articles on attachment theory you have linked to, and I’m sorry but they sound like psychobabble and not nearly as reliable as the tons of science backing up that an adult’s emotional openness, stability,… will be determined mostly by his genes.
I tried homeschooling over 30 years ago. At that time though it was not as accepted as it is today and social services came to my house and told me I had better get those kids in school. Pronto.
I am so glad they did. I could never have possibly given my kids what they needed at home. What they needed were other kids. They were much happier and so was I. I realize that we have many problems with our schools but in the end, kids need it. And so do parents. Just my opinion………
Wow. Interesting.
Check this out.http://www.mywirelesshomesecurityalarmsystems.com/
Public schools aren’t a babysitting service. Parents have far more flexibility with their babysitters. Public schools are prisons. You have to completely divorce yourself from public schools to get that flexibility.
I found this to be true. And the time my child spent in the cell everyday at school wasn’t sufficient for them. They wanted to take up my children’s entire day with school work (I volunteered and saw that it was mostly crowd control, not the great educational experience people say it is) and then take up all our evenings with the most inane, purposeless “homework.”
If you want your children to think “systemically” then put them in the system. If you want your children to think for themselves then you might have to look at alternatives in education. But count the cost. There are consequences to teaching your child to think for themselves. They just might.
I love your honesty, and as an author on doing what we love and blissful stay-at-home parenting, I love how you put proven facts into your posts.
I believe this dilemma is for all stay-at-home parents. We love our kids, we want the best for them, offer them – and that can put some strain on our career and our life. But I agree like you that homeschool is best, and being a stay-at-home parent too because of the attachment bond that can’t be made best elsewhere.
I guess the best deal would be to be able to make a full income part time while having them being on their own/ with another significant person while we’re doing this – but not all of us can do it quite now, it’s hard work to get there to say the least. Studies show that both women that try to be superparent full time working or staying-at-home tend to be have problems, so we need our work/passion. It’s just hard to keep balance sometimes and a break from working with our kids, because it is work really.
I agree with you wholeheartedly, it’s my case too these days. But I’ll keep going on this way because I believe it’s best and I’m getting where I want. I just hope our society would recognize our role and there would be more support for our great work. You’re an inspiration, I’m glad you have this mission too, keep on the good work!
I’m realistic when I say I could never home school. After I gave birth and was finally able to get back to my desk at work I was so relieved! I love my kids but I would lose my mind if I was at home 24 hours a day. Why do you think those housewives of the 50s wanted OUT of the home. Yes it’s good for the kids, blah, blah, blah, but if the mom is having a mental breakdown in the kitchen, how good can it be?
I’m also not sure we’re talking about the same middle-class. I don’t know any middle class couples where one can afford to stay home full-time. Two incomes are needed. When one stays home, they are really in the higher classes now. If they are in the middle class and one stays home, they are scratching out a hand to mouth existence.
Maybe it’s just where you live? I know plenty of lower middle-class families that do OK on just one income. Have you read up on the two-income trap? By the time one takes higher tax brackets, commuting expenses, take-out meals, childcare expenses, etc. into account, one of the spouses’ income is often nearly consumed. With one spouse at home, a family can sometimes get by with just one car and saves money in many other ways; since a penny saved is actually better than a taxed penny earned, many one-income families manage just fine. Obviously, they’re not extravagant spenders, though.
Maybe it’s just where you live? I know plenty of lower middle-class families that do OK on just one income. Have you read up on the two-income trap? By the time one takes higher tax brackets, commuting expenses, take-out meals, childcare expenses, etc. into account, one of the spouses’ income is often nearly consumed. With one spouse at home, a family can sometimes get by with just one car and saves money in many other ways; since a penny saved is actually better than a taxed penny earned, many one-income families manage just fine. Obviously, they’re not extravagant spenders, though.
Vicky, I am the sole provider in my family. My wife is a stay-at-home mom to our three boys. We just bought our first home, and though not flush with cash, we live comfortably. There are sacrifices required for her to be a mom full-time, but we are not remotely living “hand to mouth”.
Well I made the choice to homeschool my kids because I myself was homeschooled. It was the best thing my mom could have done for me due to my learning style and level of intelligence. However its become very difficult for me lately because right in the middle of it all I became a single mom. I’m supporting & raising my kids 100% alone and just had a new baby. But will I send my kids to a free babysitter just to make my life easier? Not a chance.
I work from home when they are sleeping and do all I can to teach them well. My daughter is three years ahead on math and two in reading. Socially, shes even more advanced. In a school setting, she wouldn’t get the attention she needs and she would not flourish as she has. I’m proud to be a homeschooling mom NOT from a middle class two parent home and doing it well!
I am also a homeschooling mom. http://strivingtoliveeachdayhisway.blogspot.com/ I blog about our life
Public schooling takes the responsibility of parenting away from the parents. We are homeschooling (technically unschooling) because it is our job. We are certainly not upper class by any means. I babysit part time for extra income, grow our own food and preserve it, cloth diaper, and many other wallet and eco-friendly things. My children aren’t ‘sheltered’ by any means. We visit the public libraries, participate in homeschool groups and field trips, and get to spend more time with extended family and friends because we live life according to *our* schedule (with the exception of my husband’s work schedule), not an institution’s schedule. My kids are learning at their own pace with my guidance. My 4 year old is reading and spelling. Both boys love books, nature, learning, cooking, music, and people. They are well-rounded, intelligent, social, confident, secure, and most importantly – HAPPY! I wasn’t homeschooled and wouldn’t have wanted to be. I don’t come from a good family, but my children know family comes first before everything else. They already garden, can/preserve, cook, etc. They are wonderful people. Until we learn to respect and trust children instead of treating them like they are stupid and need to be treated as such, our ‘education’ system will never serve our future well.
just send them to school and stop being so hard on yourself…of course school is mostly a waste of time scholastically, but they are socialising the whole time which as you have pointed out countless times is as or more important.
smart kids will cruise through the work and spend time reading novels or thinking about something that interests them
Nice post there is. Home schooling is a new trend of education. We should learn about the courses as they help us in earning as ca cpt coaching classes & more.
NIce post there is i like that. Every educative site as http://www.thecps.in.in/ has something good information that helps the peoples.
There seems to be a general sentiment that people who went to school are becoming always and without doubt standardized adults. And those homeschooled become creative self-motivated people. I really would like to challenge this view. Kids in school do not act in lockstep every minute of the day, they form little subgroups, the nerds, the creative artsy kids etc. Many kids find their little universe of friends. Yes, homeschooling can have added value, if (and only if) you are able to supply a high quality stimulating education which is well rounded. A well rounded education equips a kid, young adult to go out into the world and be creative. And, maybe as a last comment here, creativity is based on many hours of labor, learning, studying, it does not emerge out of empty space but is based on an incredible amount of knowledge. Only then is the brain able to come up with new ideas how to apply this knowledge. Creativity does not exist without a good grasp of the basics. For example, take one of these super-creative designers making fabulous gowns which hug the body just right. They have an incredible knowledge about fabric, the use of fabric and how to cut it. Without learning at least the basics of tailoring, none of these gowns would work.
That’s the classical education perspective. First, fill children’s minds with basics, as their brains mature they will use that material to create.
actually this has nothing to do with a classical education perspective, only with the fact that creativity has to stand on something, otherwise it is just reinvention of the wheel.
actually this has nothing to do with a classical education perspective, only with the fact that creativity has to stand on something, otherwise it is just reinvention of the wheel.
P, your kids are living on a farm in the middle of BF Wisconsin (sorry Darlington); other than you & The Farmer (and cello lessons two hours away), they have no other real peer interaction, no?
So, why not send the kids to school for the socialization/exposure to the world & work with them on the weekends/at night to further hone their skills like reading or multiplication tables or geography or farm chores & whatever else you’d like to help them with.
Public school isnt perfect by any means – especially for kids like your oldest son (trust me, I know). But as another reader said: is it worth it to make yourself miserable in the process?
Excellent blog post. Winding up our h.s. with our son. At 14.5 y/o he’s on a more structured agenda. Regarding college, could not agree more. It’s become more of a glorified, imperfect baby sitting service. Nothing in college prepared a young person to start their own business, be resourceful, be independent, or, for that matter, be a good citizen.
Your comments on no food in the house gripped me. The economy is so rough now, and I refuse to get food stamps, even full time employed sales people are having a struggle. When the cubbord is bare, it does ‘change you’.
I’m a single, working parent, and my son and I are homeschooling. It’s hard, but it was harder to focus on work when I knew he was miserable in school (among other things — trying to be quick here).
I’ve developed tactics to make it work, such as building strong relationships for myself and my son so he has quality places to go that don’t all involve paid childcare. I do creative side projects (I’m a designer, gotta design), so I’ve got a bit of what I’d call a Life. Oh, and I’ve got a happy, confident, motivated 12yo who is driving me nuts and inspiring me (at the same time).
It’s definitely not all perfect, but my only regret is that I didn’t trust my instincts about homeschooling from the beginning.
Penelope, I woke up and had a thought for you to consider. With all the cutbacks there might be teachers, including Special Ed, out there looking for extra income. You might consider outsourcing some of your day-to-day schooling so you can get some work done.
Is it still career advice if the advice is to not have a career?