Palin’s children should take priority over being Vice President
Okay. Look. I wasn’t going to tell you what I think of Sarah Palin, but so many people are asking, so fine. Here it is. She is nuts. And the Republicans are nuts for putting her on a ticket. She has a five-month-old kid with Down’s Syndrome.
Why is no one writing about this? I have a special needs kid. I have two. Here’s what happens when you have a special needs kid. You are in shock. You love the kid. I loved my first one so much that even though there was something like an 80% chance of having another kid with autism, I had a second kid.
And guess what? The second kid had a different disability than the first. Amazing. Statistically phenomenal, really. But my point here is that I’m very qualified to tell you what it’s like to be a breadwinner mom of a five-month-old special needs kid. And, it’s not just from my perspective. I am a magnet for breadwinner moms. They constantly write to me. And when I write about this topic—being the breadwinner and having a special needs kid—women come out of the woodwork. They all say exactly what I’m telling you now: it’s insane. It’s insanely hard.
Here’s what’s insanely hard. You go through a mourning period. Don’t tell me about love and how everyone is different. Because everyone is the same about their kids: They love their kids no matter what, and they didn’t plan on having a special needs kid, no matter what. So you need adjusting time.
And here’s more I know from both statistics and first-hand experience: It’s nearly impossible to keep a marriage together with a special needs kid. And it’s nearly impossible to keep a marriage together when the husband quits his job to take care of the kids (which Palin’s husband just did). And Sarah needs her marriage to stay together pretty badly right now.
And who will take care of the newest member of the family? Certainly not the 17-year-old daughter who is pregnant with the newest kid. So the dad now has three teens at home and soon two kids under one year old at home and one has special needs. This is not a reasonable job. For anyone.
I know that I’m going to be reminded me that I have a nanny, a house manager, and a cleaning woman (who actually shows up every day). But I also have a job that allows me to leave at 2:30. It’s a compromise for me. Because every parent in the world has had to compromise, and it’s fair to judge public figures on the choices they make.
It’s really hard to know where to compromise. Here’s what I was doing when my kid was five months old: I was at home. Hating it. Telling myself that I was not cut out to be at home. I was sort of a columnist and sort of a mom and sort of a psychopath. Because having a five-month-old with special needs is very very hard. Not just learning to take care of the baby, but mentally coping.
Why is no one talking about this? The Republicans should dump Palin. She’s got too much responsibility at home.
Don’t tell me that this is not fair to women. Because you know what? People should have railed against John Edwards running for President when he had two young kids at home and a wife fighting cancer. Fine if she wants him to run for office while she fights the cancer. I get it. But I don’t get how the President of the United States was going to have time to console two school age kids about their mom’s death while leading the country. It’s irresponsible.
I know it’s not cool to tell people how to parent. I know it’s not cool because every day someone asks me how I run my company when I have two young kids and what they are really saying is “you suck as a parent.” It’s hard to hear every day, so I have empathy for the idea that everyone should shut up about how other people parent.
But it’s absurd how extreme these presidential-wanna-be cases are. I don’t want someone in the White House who has kids at home who desperately need them. I don’t want to watch that scenario unfold on national TV. So at some point, it must be okay to speak up. At some point we have to say that we have standards for parenting and we want the community to uphold them.
People tend to be amazed at others who are able to balance and prioritize tasks and roles that are outside their personal frames of reference. All marriages are not equal, and every mother has her own style, her own methods. It is just too difficult to look at a family’s situation from the outside and produce a fair judgment about that family’s decisions. Time will tell how well Governor Palin is able to balance the challenges she faces, whether in Washington or in Juneau. Lessons from history lead me to conclude that people are capable of much more than the pundits presuppose. I submit to you the following for consideration: with the defeatist attitude that it could not be done, would suffragists have gained the right to vote? I wonder what those women sacrificed in their roles at home to serve and fight for what they believed? The value in taking on what may seem like insurmountable challenges to those outside is ultimately in demonstrating the power of the individual and his/her unique gifts. This point is extremely important in the context of the subtle, quasi-communist worldview that permeates our entertainment industry and media outlets. If we really want to make the world a better place, let’s recognize high self-efficacy and praise it.
I have a lot of mixed feelings on this post. You have a lot of merit because of your own special needs children. However, I’m sure Palin has this once in lifetime opportunity. I’m not voting for her, but its not because I think she should stay home. It’s because she doesn’t hold my same views. Have you ever heard of Coya Come Home?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coya_Knutson
Another time, another place, same issue. I don’t think the fact that she is a mother should be an issue of whether you vote for her or not. Please don’t write the Sara Come Home letter.
Michelle,
Re; “I hate the hypocrisy of the “family first” party not doing so – and it doesn’t matter to me if it’s the man or the woman.”
I hate the hypocrisy of the feminists either dumping on Sarah Palin for making choices they say she should have or standing by and watching her be subjected to sexist attacks all because she has an “R” next to her name. Perhaps we have learned that one party is not as neanderthal-like as some claim and that the other is not as open minded as they claim.
Minor nitpick–it’s Down Syndrome, not Down’s. Down didn’t have it. Dr. Down named it.
Many, many thanks
Penelope is ridiculous beyond words. So much so that I think that the post is not about genuine belief but calculated to draw a combination of ire and sympathy (which is fine). The lib posters are a total embarrassment and fail at every turn. And I dig it! I haven’t enjoyed such blatant dumbassery since “rock of love” on VH1. Keep it up.
I don’t even have a special needs child. I have two teenagers, who are active in school, swimming and cross country. This week alone I’ve had two school open houses to attend and one swim meet. This weekend I have a cross country meet to attend. I’m a Democrat and I dislike Sarah Palin’s politics immensely. However, tonight I was thinking about her as I was running around at my daughter’s open house. I was thinking about the fact that there is no way she can be Vice President of the United States and parent at the same time. Which is fine, if that’s what she wants. What I resent is her standing there acting like she’s some great mom. How can you be such a great mom when you’re not even present? Everyone but her is taking care of her young children.
My personal thoughts are like yours – it won’t be easy for her at all. I’m the mom of 1 about to be kindergartener who works full time and so does my husband. I can’t imagine dealing with 5 children, let alone one with special needs and an unexpected grandchild on the way.
I do disagree with you about Edwards – although Elizabeth Edwards prognosis isn’t good, she could be around for a while and the family has dealt with being in politics for many years since he ran for vice president before and was in Congress.
This is a very well thought out article. One issue we are missing is the fact is she making her 17 year old daughter marry the boy( yes boy) who got her pregnant.
Also, if she is 44, she got pregnant at 43 so she knew ahead of time that the chance for child being born with Downs is expentional.
She did it anyway.
She advocated shooting polar bears, he shot a grizzly bear herself as a trophy. Animals as trophies that is barbaric and cruel.
My father was a two term Vietnam vet and he would shoot deer, because the population would over run in the area I am from. My mother was the voice of enlightenment she said,” No dead animals on my wall” We are not barbaians.
Also, being tough does not mean being savage and over-achieving. We look to women to be the ethical, moral and sensiable thinkers. Not the overbearing( not a pun I promise) type A personalities. Women are strong just from existing in this wonky world.
Acting like a Man is not the soultion. She is horribly irresponsible in her own life and she is only a soccer mom. I am not berating that but its a nation not a ball game.
The way you wrote this post made me agree with what you were saying. But stepping back, I disagree. I wish I could write more like you ;)
Majority of comments are against Penelope’s opinion.
Honest question: are u hitting sarah just to increase traffic?
Interesting perspective and probably quite valid but I would rather focus on policy and track record in decision making. I don’t think having a 5mo special needs child or a 17yo pregnant daughter disqualifies her from being VP.
In the UK, the leader of the opposition party has a son with cerebral palsy. No one would ever suggest this disqualified him from high office. And by the way, his wife is a successful career woman in her own right.
However, I sincerely hope that American voters will decide that her loony politics disqualify her.
The fact that she is a far-right wing Christian is far more relevant than the fact that she’s a woman. She is a good pick for McCain because she will energise the conservative base and they will mobilise the get-out-the-vote machine for her far more than they ever would for McCain.
I can’t figure out why people suggest that Sarah Palin could attract Hillary supporters. Hillary supporters want a woman but not any woman. What part about Palin appeals to moderates?
No marriage is that rock solid. That kind of stress on a family will either dissolve it or her.
But then politics isn’t based in sanity.
“In politics, absurdity is not a handicap.”
Napoleon Bonaparte (1769 – 1821)
Sorry Penelope but I think this is the pot calling the kettle black here.
At least in this case there is someone staying home to take care of the kids.
This is the BEST post about Palin I’ve seen yet–I love it. You are 100% right on every single point. I can’t believe how much everyone is tip-toeing around this topic–saying stuff like “I though the mommy wars were over” and being shocked that anyone’s even questioning Palin’s ability to both be VP of the US and mom to an infant. Like you said–it’s one thing to be a working mom who can be home at 2:30 or whatever, but it’s quite another to be VP of the United States. That’s not just a job–it’s a life.
I also think your point about her marriage being in serious jeopardy is a great one. People are so glib about how it shouldn’t matter whether it’s Palin or her husband taking care of the kids; the fact is that a) it does matter and b) it will matter to his ego.
I seriously think if McCain read this post he’d be kicking himself for having picked her because there is no way he’ll win with her as VP.
“Palin’s children should take priority over being Vice President”
If that is what you believe then how can you not believe:
“Trunk’s children should take priority over being CEO”
Thinly disguised endorsement for one party. It’s fine by me if you tell us who you support, but why don’t you just come out and say it?
I agree with you about the difficult of special needs kids and careers. I have 2 special needs kids as well. My oldest has Aspergers, my second Pervasive Developmental Disorder (and I have 2 more boys too). And I work–a lot. It’s also my way of trying to keep mentally sane when things are unraveling around me. And I need to be sane for my kids.
I don’t envy Sarah Palin for a minute. However I can understand why she accepted the nomination for VP. That is a once in a lifetime opportunity and I can hardly imagine if I was in her shoes passing that by. I also don’t envy the extreme hardships she and her family will encounter if by chance the Republicans win in November.
So as a mom, I sympathize with what she will have to endure now and the fact that she most likely didn’t think this part of her life through, but as a career-minded woman, I also understand why she did it.
This column was incredibly sexist. The attempt to liken Ms. Palin’s situation to that of John Edwards fails miserably because while you may feel the same way about Edwards’ situation as you do Palin’s, I don’t remember any scathing columns slamming Edwards for his choice. Yet you feel free to criticize Palin. Your column was yet another example of women keeping other women down by unfair criticism that would not be leveled at a man in the same situation.
I think she is pushing it by going into office with young children. I think men and women should wait until their kids are older before they run for such an important position like VP. We need people to be running our county to have total focus in office instead of worrying about if the nanny got paid her overtime last week.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this Penelope. I think you got one thing wrong though. John McCain doesn’t intend to let Sarah Palin do any actual work as VP, she’s just there to look pretty and get votes. So she should have plenty of time to take care of all those children in her fancy new house once they are in office.
I had some of the same thoughts–one was who was going to take care of the kids. Wow, her job is going to be much harder with 6 kids. But guess what, they have a full time stay at home dad, and more than likely he will have plenty of help. It is ridiculous for US to try and determine if Palin can be a mother, wife, and vice president–you think you can based on YOUR life experience–Uh, I say let her make this choices for herself. Or are you suggesting the right to make a choice ends with the birth of a special needs child–or maybe any child at all. Don’t vote for the ticket, but let Palin choice her own destination.
You want the focus to be on the family?! You, with a team of domestic hired hands?!
You lost credibilty with me on this issue.
As most have echoed, the liberal voice is obvious. In this case, I’d really like to hear what your farmer friend has to say about not only Sarah Palin, but your opinion towards her.
Really. Hey Rachel under you system we can’t have John F. Kennedy. Men and women can lead, work and raise kids. Vote yea or nay on the issues. Sarah appears capable and not easily overwhelmed. Current President seems easily overwhelmed. I like the perspective a working mother can bring and the current knowledge of family and healthcare issues she must have. It is the quality of the time that matters not the quantity when dealing with children. You are selling her, yourself and women short. This oldster has learned there are many paths to child rearing, marriage, life and politics. Frankly we need more working women with children in the workforce and leading the country. As a group I find such people to be energetic, practical, and unafraid to make quick but thoughtful decisions.
Awesome, awesome, awesome post. It sounds like you’d been holding your breath for the past week for fear this would all spew out. And you have a very valid point. For the so-called family-oriented party at that.
I am disgusted by the Republican party’s blatant play for sympathy vote, and have been from the get-go. I am more disgusted by the way the people around me have fallen all over themselves, caught up in what is clearly a purely PR move.
I must say, thank god for your John Edwards comment. As a women I think it is incredibly antiquated to place all the “good parenting” responsibility on the mother. If you’re lucky enough in this day and age to have a father there to help you raise your child I think we are far enough removed from our biology that we can safely state the job of raising a child should be 50/50 for mother AND father. With that said, I would hope all the male candidates would be held to the same parenting standards Palin is. Bottom line, perhaps politicians would be better off not having children while in office if they’d like to avoid situations like Palin’s…
I think it would be a terribly hard choice for an ambitious woman to choose between running for Vice President and caring for her family. I don’t think she had adequate time to consider the decision, and she has already said she isn’t clear on the scope of the VP job. For at least the next 5 months her life will not be her own. Her children’s school and routines will be disrupted, she will be travelling all over the country and be under great stress. All this while she has children at home who need her – partcularly the youngest, special needs child and the teenager who will need her mother to guide her through the scary experience of pregnancy and childbirth.
The timing is bad on this. In 4 or 8 years she would have more experience and not quite so many personal issues weighing her down. She would also have more time to think about the decision, plan what it would mean for her family and how to cope.
I understand that it is hard to say no to a great opportunity, but it is not just her own life she is uprooting. All the concessions she has made for her family in Alaska, like nursing in meetings and moving her work location closer to home just aren’t possible with this new job.
It would be best for the country and her family if she doesn’t have to choose between them in January.
Go, Penelope! I’m the breadwinner with a toddler and also getting my MBA. I’m all for a woman in the White House. In addition to your points, Palin is running on a values platform, and I seriously question her values. She has two children in crisis – this is NOT the time to attempt to run the United States as well. Not because she’s a woman, but because she’s a PARENT.
I think some of you are missing Penelope’s point. Of course Todd Palin will have help at home to care for children. So does Penelope–and she’s saying it’s STILL extremely hard. Despite the fact that this family will have all the help, support and resources in the world, it’s still not going to be easy for them. Sarah and Todd Palin are not incapable, but it’s going to be very, very hard for them to stay emotionally and mentally grounded if she is voted into office.
Bravo! What a fabulous point! All parents with disabled children should basically stay home instead of taking opportunities that come their way.
By this account, Gordon Brown, the UK’s PM – leaving aside for a second his policy and political situation – should go home because he has a child with Cystic Fibrosis.
Not just that, David Cameron, the Conservative Party leader, should also stay home because his wife, as the Creative Director of Smythson, earns way more than he ever will and they have a severely autistic child at home.
Public figures with physically or mentally disabled children are needed in much larger numbers than we have right now. They would help bring the disability issue from under the carpet into the mainstream of political debate; into the mainstream discussions in the corporate world, which shuns disabled people from the workforce; and into the eyes of society which really needs to do more than to condemn the parent of a disabled child to a solitary life of misery.
Penelope,
I completely agree with you. I’ve been saying this since Palin got nominated and when John Edwards was running in the primaries. To say that this is an issue about gender is completely ludacris. This is an issue about family and what people are will to sacrifice for their careers. It’s obvious that Palin loves the spotlight, does she love it more than she loves her family?
Plus McCain’s choice of VP has more to do with recruiting Clinton followers than qualifications and personally I find that insulting.
My first child, born over 40 years ago, was a “special needs” son. Within the next 4 years, I had two other children – so 3 kids in 5 years, one with serious disabilities. YES, I took off 8 years to do the “mom thing.” I prepared 9 meals a day and – if I was lucky – had 2 hours to myself.
YES – it will be a strain on the marriage. YES – the teenager and boyfriend will need their parents when their child is born because they, too, are children.
I am now a very successful career woman, but I had to wait until my 30s to get my business started…the same time I got divorced. Ms. Palin will fail at one of her jobs, I guarantee – wife, mom, candidate. Heaven forbid that McCain gets elected and his cancer (or worse) comes back. As a Democrat – I love the choice. As an American – I am scared to death!
Being provacative with your writing is not enough. To keep readers, you must also have some substance. There have been questionable posts in the past … but today’s post is the one that encouraged me to unsubscribe.
PS, I’m reminded of an old saying about people who live in glass houses.
If “she is nuts” and “Republicans are nuts” then obviously she has no chance of getting elected, so this is a big fuss over nothing. A campaign is difficult, but that will be over in two months. Actually being Vice President is a much easier job than any governorship. You preside over the Senate and go to the occasional state funeral. That’s about it. Plenty of down time.
You asked “Why is no one writing about this?” Do you read any news sources at all? Everyone in the English-speaking world is writing about Palin and her family.
BOOOOOOOOO! You got this one wrong. I thought this was the Brazen CAREERIST Blog. I guess women should only make their careers a high priority when it fits a political agenda. Democrats with young children OK. Conservatives with children (especially Moms) NOT OK. No fair minded person can have it both ways. Either you support the idea that all women can decide to have a career and a family or not. I’ll accept either point of view. However, if I see a double standard I’ll call it out.
PT, all I read is “she is nuts,” and I already had to comment. Because you are so damn right. Okay, now I will read the rest. Thanks for stating the freakin obvious!!!!!!!!!!!
Penelope,
I am proud of you for discussing this very touchy, emotional, but extremely important topic. Despite all of the negative comments on this post, I’m hopeful, and also confident, that you have caused some people to take a step back and analyze Palin’s situation and conclude that McCain’s decision to pick Palin was extremely short sighted.
For the many people who are angry at Penelope and accusing her of being hypocritical and sexist, you are forgetting an important fact.
Palin is NOT just your average hockey mom. I’m sorry. She is running for the Vice Presidency of the United States, and possibly for the Presidency of the United States.
No offense to Penelope, but Penelope does not have the same scope of responsibilities as Palin will have if she is sworn into the White House. Palin is going to be insanely busy traveling the world, defusing tense political conversations and honestly, this is not going to leave with her with the time and mental energy to be a part of her family.
Palin is absolutely crazy and irresponsible and selfish for doing this. I would say the same thing if a man were about to do this.
Think about it, seriously. Also, had to say this but abstinence only doesn’t work. clearly.
We’re all Sarah Palin in a way. She’s a working mom and she has challenges at home but she’s not letting it stop her. She doesn’t have my vote but she has my admiration.
Clearly the Palin family is in crisis, and has been for some time. Part of being a parent is giving, and in this case the Palins would be wise to remain where they most are needed — at home taking care of the children. They chose to have children and with that comes exceptional responsibility. Sometimes doing the right thing means saying “Thanks, but no thanks for the highly prestigious promotion.”
By the way, I have wondered if Down’s children are all “happy go lucky” as portrayed by Corky on TV. Turns out, they really do have special needs.
As a working mother of two (and I get to be home by 4:00 and have summers off!), I am stretched thin as a parent. I don’t see how she is going to be successful, but I felt guilty even thinking that. I am a feminist, I believe that mothers *should* work outside the home, but as a VP and potentially President? I am not so sure that will be right for her family. Thanks, Penelope, for bringing it up – out loud.(or, I guess, in writing)
I am with you here. I think family values are a huge issue for whoever is going to be president, or a heartbeat away from president. It is clear that family values do not mean much Sarah Palin. While it is difficult to admit that I would have never, in the past, ridiculed a man who would be in the same position, that doesn’t make the ridicule wrong. That is only to say that a man SHOULD be ridiculed in the same manner, not that a woman shouldn’t. I think this country is falling far away from family values, and raising children who do not have any morals or values of their own, or of ours. We are not teaching our children, because we are too interested in advancing ourselves. I have no problem with a career minded woman, or even a stay at home dad. But if there are problems within your home, you need to address those issues. A girl needs her mother to teach her right.
Again your blog is too offensive to remain subscribed to. I put up with other blog entries that I disagree with but now I’m very much against your opinion and stance. I won’t be back.
I submit that you’re misjudging the amount of help and the amount of actual responsibility the Vice President has. There are likely few *better* places for someone with a special needs child than the Vice Presidency.
The campaign will be hard, though.
There are certainly jobs that might be bad choices for someone with a special needs child (or two!). But the Vice President, aside from presiding over the Senate (which is in session a much smaller fraction of the year than most jobs would require), has largely ceremonial responsibilities, and a substantial staff.
Even the President has a great deal of help (more than the Vice President, even), and substantial latitude in their day-to-day itinerary (although it’s certainly a busy one).
So I think you’re actually wrong in this case, but not for the obvious reason.
It might also help a lot of employers to rethink how they handle parents whose kids have issues of various sorts. Sometimes someone has to bear the standard, even in a case like this.
Do you think, incidentally, that it was inappropriate for Boomer Esiason or Doug Flutie to continue a highly dangerous job (NFL football player) with a special needs child? Both of them have, by virtue of their position, raised substantial money for research with respect to their childrens’ challenges, and raised the profile of parents with special needs children. Why is it de facto inappropriate for Sarah Palin to do this, other than that she comes from the wrong party?
JFK had a baby at home, and was one of our finest presidents. If you really believe that a family with a stay at home dad can’t survive, then you don’t know the right stay at home dads. Every one I know, and I know a lot, have fine, strong, healthy families.
Palin is a puppet for the Republicans. Why she would forgo the rewards of raising of her children for this “opportunity” to be the vehicle for conservative Republican messages is beyond me – and calls to question her judgement in general, and McCains as well.
Has anyone read “Don’t Think of an Elephant” by Lakoff? It’s shocking how well they are controlling Palin’s language to electrify their base.
And P – I think you’re a great mom, certainly doing better than most.
Karen… I love it when people say things like, “And P – I think you’re a great mom, certainly doing better than most.”
That is exactly the type of “drivel” that I would expect from biased liberal – “love speak”.
How could you possibly know how “P” is parenting.
You sound like an objective thinker…
Goodbye – seriously. I have no doubt that part if not all of the point of this article was to drive traffic (you’re nothing if not a publicity hound) but the idea that you are going to judge Sarah Palin based on your own deficiencies is just sad. I have enjoyed watching you contradict yourself about work/life balance and offer career advice for which you’re clearly not qualified. But this in not humorous. I’ve never seen so many supposed feminists spout so much bs in my entire life. I contend that VP of the US is probably 100x easier then the majority of jobs working women have out there and 1,000 times harder than single mothers. She has a full staff 24 hours a day (no laundry, no cleaning, no grocery shopping, no cooking) she’ll have a 5 minute commute (complete with driver) and a husband – yes children have fathers too! and you’re worried about her responsibilities? Seriously?
Co-signing! I said to a co-worker yesterday that she has ALOT on her plate…for anyone! I also felt that although Mrs. Edwards wanted her husband to continue campaigning that he should have made the decision to stop and care for his wife. IMO
This gives people the temerity to ask me, nearly every day: Who takes care of your kids?… But in fact, it’s a totally offensive question.
Just to remind you of your opinion a few weeks ago….
I totally disagree with your arguments. I believe it is the Palin’s family choice and if they feel they can handle it, no one should second guess them. I have 2 kids and one with special needs. I quit my jobs for each child for about 1 year+ to stay home with them when they were babies. I went back to work full time afterward. I believe each family situation is different, I have a loving and supportive husband and we both can juggle our full time work fine. I find the best daycare, best nanny for them while I am at work and the school system in my town provides the best supportive service to my special need child. Yes, I can handle the challenges and happily working full time and still have time to cook for them daily, pack their lunch and monitor their homework. If the Palin family think they can handle the challenges, why we want to point our intellectual fingers against them?