Twentysomething: Be responsible, go back home after college
By Ryan Healy – According to Monster.com, 60 percent of college graduates move home with mom and dad after graduation and the trend is on the rise. The statistic holds true with my friends from the class of 2006. More than half moved back to the suburbs to start adult life, much the same way they ended high school life — with their parents. A lot of people say generation Y needs to grow up and take some personal responsibility and that we have been coddled by our helicopter parents (see the comments section).
But when you look closely, it is glaringly apparent that moving back in with parents is one of the the most responsible things a new college grad can do. By sucking it up at home for a year or two, young people give themselves the opportunity to take control of their career, take control of their finances and transition from the care-free college fantasy world to the real-world of work, marriage, kids, mortgages and car payments.
Take control of your career
To live comfortably in a big city like New York, students are forced to take a high paying, but less than satisfying job. Often, top graduates end up working for the best paying investment bank or law firm. I’m sure you could find a small minority of conservative students who had dreams of becoming an I-banker since middle school, but for the most part these jobs are going to the top tier students who are trying to make a quick buck before they retire at 30 (or so they say).
By moving home after graduation, you have little or no rent which allows for more freedom when searching for a job. There is no need to sell out to an investment bank if your real goal is to work with underprivileged children. Depending on where your parents are located, you are probably missing out on the big city night life and social scene, but you have lots of opportunities to find the perfect job, regardless of pay. If ditching the social scene for career sake doesn’t demonstrate responsibility and independence, I don’t know what does.
Take control of your finances
Real wages today are lower than they were for the past two generations of workers. Couple that fact with today’s insane housing costs and an increase in contract workers not receiving benefits, just getting by on forty or fifty thousand a year in a major city is nearly impossible. Attempting to save any reasonable amount of money the first few years is a joke.
However, moving home with mom and dad will immediately save you about $700 a month in housing costs. At least there is some extra cash flow. In two years, you can save up enough to move out on your own without worrying about going into credit card debt for basic necessities like fixing your car or buying groceries.
Take an appropriate adjustment period between college and the real world
People really do struggle adjusting from college to the real world. A good friend of mine just fulfilled her life long dream of moving to New York. She still loves the city, but she is overwhelmed and doesn’t exactly like her day job. Sure, many people go through this tough transition period, and chances are she will eventually enjoy it, but the transition from child to adult is different, and oftentimes, more difficult for today’s youth.
“This period is not a transition, but an actual life stage, according to Jeffrey Arnett, associate professor at University of Missouri and author of Emerging Adulthood: A Theory of Development from the Late Teens through Early Twenties . Arnett describes the period between college and adulthood as, “a self- focused stage where people have the freedom to focus on their own development.” Notice he calls this period of stage in development and not just a transition between two stages.
So why do we still try to go from adolescent to adult in a matter of weeks or months?
Moving home for a while enables an appropriate and productive transition. Rather than focus on rent, bills and kids, emerging adults living at home with their parents have the ability to focus on the most important aspects of emerging adult life: figuring out who they are and what career is right for them.
Ryan Healy’s blog is Employee Evolution.
OR find an apartment building that will offer you no broker fee and 1 or 2 months free rent. This will help the cost and give you your needed Independence.
I am 23 years old, and think that for some people this is completely asinine advice. It all depends on what you want out of your life. To say blanketly that this is the most responsible move is incorrect. I have friends that are in long term relationships where both people agreed to move home after college in order to save money for the massive life changes not too far down the road for them. I also have friends that want to own their own home by 25, and with the addition of college debt, moving home is the best move for them.
For you to say that is the best way to jump start a career you truly want, or to mask this advice as anything other than financially based (not that the financial motivation is bad) is just wrong. You do realize how many more opportunities there are for those off the beaten path dream jobs in cities than in the suburbs, right? And what about someone who is looking to experience the world, meet new people, and see what is out there for a couple years. I hardly imagine living with mommy and daddy will afford them those opportunities.
The problem with living in big cities isn’t that it is too expensive, its that people do it stupidly. I am living in New York City (one of the most expensive in the world) and the only peers I have that are struggling are the ones who immediately took apartments in the most expensive neighborhoods in Manhattan for way beyond their means. I started my career here nine months ago in a job I grew to dislike, and I quit. Now? I am going to working two jobs to make ends meet, but one of those is a part-time dream job. I also still have the time to volunteer and start my own business on the side. And for the record, I wouldn’t have even known about the opportunities i have been given if I had been living in the suburbs. Graduates aren’t strangling themselves financially by living in cities, they are doing it through the choices they make in those cities. And in 6 years, will I have less money than my peers that lived at home? Yea. But will they have the experience and self satisfaction of knowing that they succeeded in a new foreign environment, whatever that may be? Hardly.
Again, I am not saying that moving home is always a bad idea. All I am saying is that people who give the kind of advice that you do(telling everyone its the responsible thing to do) are selling my generation way short on what they should be getting out of these years. The advice must be tailored to the individual situation.
I pay 30,000 per year tuition for my oldest…cold hard cash out of my pocket….no loans, no scholarships etc. She is required to pay her own room and board of about $8000 per year by working. Her internship between 3rd and 4th year is unpaid, so we’ve agreed to pay her what she’d have made at her job hour per hour for the intership, but require her to earn her own spending money instead (which went over like a lead balloon.) I wouldn’t change a thing. Not only does she realize this is her last year home but it makes her appreciate being her a LOT more. We may “give her back” some of her room and board next year when it’s time to go on her own by paying a portion of her rent for one year. That way she is getting established and getting used to paying rent, but just eases it a little for the first year while she establishes herself at a job. We have put away furniture, household goods etc for her over the years to help her out. I think this is what parents should do…based on their financial situation, but by all means, once they graduate college, it’s time to move on. I am waiting to get to the next phase of my own life…………you know???
I am 24 years old and have been living with my parents for the past two years, since I graduated from college. This article is encouraging to me because I struggle everyday with the fact that I am still living at home. I came back home right after graduation, thinking that I would work on my resume and portfolio (I’m a design and illustration major), apply for jobs in larger cities, get a job and move out by the end of the summer.
However, this is not the same world in which my parents grew up. Very few companies hire people who don’t currently live in that particular city, so you have to (A) find a job before you graduate or (B) pick up and move to a city and look for a job while you currently don’t have one. For an art major who worked on her thesis for the entire school year, finding a job while in school was out of the question. Even in my hometown, finding a job in my field was extremely difficult, especially when I find myself competing with other recent graduates and even experienced designers for the same jobs.
I ended up staying at home and helping out my mom a lot, especially while she and my dad were separated. I cooked, cleaned, and helped my mom with her business while my parents tried to figure things out. Everyday, I wish I had my own place and eventually, I would love to live in a larger city. But right now, even with a good paying job with great benefits, I still find it unreasonable to move out. With the economy going further south each day, it doesn’t make sense to move into an apartment, buy furniture and appliances, pay rent, car insurance, gas, groceries… I would literally be living pay check to pay check with no extra money to save, all in the name of having my own space. My parents are okay with my being at home and realize that it is only temporary. I help out where I can and have been saving up a good bit to move out and have a security blanket for whatever comes next.
And it’s not like I haven’t lived on my own before. What the heck do you call being in college? I bought my own food, had a way to pay for housing, and kept up with finances. I even lived in an apartment in a foreign country and survived! Is that not independence?
I think there is still a major stigma around adult children living with their parents in the U.S., and I’ll admit that I buy into it as well. I hope that some of you realize that it doesn’t always have to do with laziness or a lack of drive. I am extremely driven and have some strong goals for my life. I am just trying to make the best of my current situation by planning for my future and saving as much as possible.
I moved home after college. It’s been around a year. It’s TOUGH to do it- you don’t have the same freedom you once did to do as you like and even your “space” isn’t exactly your space. I help out being home though, it’s not like I stay here for nothing. With having 2 younger siblings, I babysit for my parents, clean around the house, drive my siblings places when they need to. I also work full time. But I do have to pay college loans every month- that’s $500 gone, and then my parents have me pay “rent”- meaning a portion of my paycheck has to go to a savings account (which will be for me). It’s not really costing them anything to have me here, in fact that save on babysitters and cleaning services, and at the same time I can work on paying off student loans and saving some money. If I had to pay rent and utilities in Los Angeles I would never make it. I would DEFINITELY not have any money saved up. I guess I could move to a cheaper city, but my parents would never pay for that when I could live here for free, and getting a job in a place you’re not currently living in is pretty hard- I tried for a while. I grew up here and went to school here- it’s basically where I’m stuck. I don’t feel bad living at home or like I’m being irresponsible. A lot of my friends are doing the same thing. Unless they run off and get married right after school, and I’m certainly not ready to do that. I like the fact that I’m able to save some money. Maybe if I didn’t have a $500 loan payment every month I’d be more equipped to live on my own, but even if I didn’t, I’d rather save that and suck it up for a couple of years. It’s kind of ridiculous to say everyone who does this is irresponsible. Some people are, yes, they throw their extra cash away on cars and parties and clothes. But everyones situation is different. I’m living in one of the most expensive cities in the country trying to set up a future for myself by working full time and assisting my parents so they have more freedom with their life too. It’s offensive when older people say I’m doing this because I expect everything handed to me. My parents gave me this choice, I’m paying for the education they basically forced me to have with student loans, so it’s really the only way to live. The job market isn’t what it once was. Everything requires “experience” you don’t have if you’re a college grad. I worked and had internships all throughout school, I guess that doesn’t count. Financially, it doesn’t make sense for me to live on my own unless I’m living in a cardboard box somewhere.
I think that this advice could be good, but in most cases it’s not. Out of all my friends I am the only one that lives totally on my own and have since I was 21(now 22). I brought a car that I could afford before I moved out of my parents house, but now it’s bringing me a great burden. I’m current looking for a sec job and maybe even a third to make ends meet. My parents know that I struggle and offer to help, but I believe that if I can figure out how to make it thru this I will be a more independent person and perhaps be able to take of my parents in the future. I believe that moving home is the easy way out and it distorts the way that you will perceive the rest of your life to be. If you really want to be responsible you should just bite the bullet and make ends meet on your own until you are able to live comfortably. If you are really determine to not struggle for the rest of your life this stage will teach lessons about life that you would not learn my moving back home.
Wow. Reading this article was kind of a relief to find that this isn’t so much a stigma anymore. I too am encouraged by reading this! My story’s a bit different in that I never moved away from home to go to college in the first place. Also, a bit of cultural aspect in thrown in: I come from a traditional Chinese family and so I’m not really expected to leave home AT ALL until I get married, start my own family. As offspring, we stick around our parents… just kinda naturally. Eventually I’m sure my parents would love to have their retired life without my sister and I. But for now, they see me (freshly graduated, just-turned-22) as someone who could do much better by staying home. Like Ryan suggested, we believe that I’m making a smart move by not wasting money on ridiculous rent in Vancouver, instead focus and spend more time on finding a job that really suits me. Sure if I had to be thrown out, I’d survive on my own from paycheque to paycheque, working dead-end jobs until I pull myself out of it. I don’t feel like I have to “suck it up” either. My parents and I get along fine and we have our own system of managing things. I enjoy chipping in money to pay utilities and the comfort of living with people I love.
Actually from a mom standpoint, I admire other cultures who embrace the extended
family unit, and encourage children to understand that living with family is indeed a blessing. If everyone involved contributes to the family unit and supports one another,
respecting privacy as individuals, how can this be a bad thing. In actuality the US is in the minority in that the norm is to encourage children to “leave the nest” ASAP. There is alot to be learned from other cultures in this respect.
Actually from a mom standpoint, I admire other cultures who embrace the extended
family unit, and encourage children to understand that living with family is indeed a blessing. If everyone involved contributes to the family unit and supports one another,
respecting privacy as individuals, how can this be a bad thing. In actuality the US is in the minority in that the norm is to encourage children to “leave the nest” ASAP. There is alot to be learned from other cultures in this respect.
Actually from a mom standpoint, I admire other cultures who embrace the extended
family unit, and encourage children to understand that living with family is indeed a blessing. If everyone involved contributes to the family unit and supports one another,
respecting privacy as individuals, how can this be a bad thing. In actuality the US is in the minority in that the norm is to encourage children to “leave the nest” ASAP. There is alot to be learned from other cultures in this respect.
To those of you who find this article full of bad advice it is obvious you have never lived in another country. It is very American to leave the home right after college, and start a life on your own. Yet in other cultures this is not the case. It is not considered lurking off your parents to move back home after an education. The idea of a family consisting of just mom dad and kids, is not the case everywhere else. I have found that people who do indeed move home are happier, and can contribute to the family together. Life is more than surviving your next rent.
I have agree with saying that just after college is the perfect time when you can actually use your parent’s experience in the real world the most. I don’t think it is necessary to live at home, but living in the same town as your parents for 2 years would be a good choice. Setting up your life takes a lot of dealings and “red tape” you never had to deal with before and there is where your parents can do a lot of good. Selecting your first apartment, getting it furnished, buying your first car, getting a loan, insurance, setting bank accounts, savings accounts, investment accounts. Not to mention you get into your first dealings with coworkers at your new job, the paperwork around that, your first real tax return, how to ask for your first raise, how to start building a career at work. There are so many things, many of them you could have picked up on your own earlier, but most of those you meet for the first time just after college. Even if you are much smarter than your parents, all those areas do benefit greatly from experience and even if you don’t save on rent, the money saved from a good advice in those areas could be quite real, it can go into thousands or even tens of thousands of dollars saved by not making all the mistakes your parents made 20 years ago.
You neglect to mention that graduates who move back home are often much more careless with their money. Studies have shown that students who move on their own after graduation are more secure financially than those who initially moved back in with their parents.
I completely disagree. You contradict yourself by supporting the statement that after-college is a transition time (or stage in life) but then you say to move back home. Moving back may not —probably isn’t the best way to really self reflect. And there are plenty of people who make smart decisions with their finances after college and end up being very successful. Also, I agree with the last posters comment. Just because someone is at home supposedly saving up money does not mean that they learn how to be any more responsible with their finances.
I agree with most of this, as I moved back in with my parents after graduation. But honestly? It made me want to kill someone (myself or my parents, it changed every day). I wish I could have stuck it out for longer as I was saving a ton on rent money, but it was incredibly hard to go from living on my own for 4 years to being under my parent’s roof again. While lovely, understanding people who always encouraged me to be independent, it was depressing to be back home with them.
As soon as I got a job, I moved out.
Living at home did allow me the luxury of finding the “perfect” job without stress or pressure. That being said, I live right next to the city I wanted to work in. Applying for jobs long distance is a pain.
I also want to point out how much I disagree with the writer’s statement about the “real world” which includes marriage and kids and suburbs. While I’m sure it wasn’t intended this way, the “real world”, in fact, varies. And to be perfectly frank, 22-year-old kids probably shouldn’t be forced into that kind of life until the’ve gotten the 22-year-old out of them :-)
I am a College student and have lived in all three different situations. I will graduate with spending 5 years in Undergraduate study(Transferring and changing your major three times will do this to you):
I have lived in……
A.) Dorm(2 years)
B.) Apartment(1 year)
C.) Home(2 years)
I’d say if you have the opportunity to move out then DO so. College is a place in which you are suppose to become independent and most people can’t do this while living at home exactly like it was in high school. Most; but not all.
The worst assumption is that just because people move out of the house they are automatically an adult. I tell you this as a student with a Freshman Year GPA(As PreMed) over 3.9. About 5% of the other people living in the dorms were even close to becoming adults. A good 70-80% just wanted to leech off of their parents money, party, have sex as much as possible, drink a lot of alcohol, and never go to class. Sure; you could call me a little opinionated but pretty much being a full-grown adult since the age of sixteen can make you extremely pesstimistic about your surroundings.
It would be nice if people would move out of the house and want to grow up at the age of eighteen(Like I did). But most people don’t want this in the Colleges that I have attended. College dorm rooms are more of a giant babysitting facility than any intellectual society to say the least.
A lot of people I knew didn’t move out because they wanted to become independent; they wanted to move out so that they could avoid responsibility by living at home. But(From reading the other comments posted) how could this possibly be true?
Some of the older generation simply do not understand:
A. College is no longer what it used to be. Go on a Google search and you will see articles about how College Freshman drink more than they study. Real mature; right?
B. As a student living in a dorm room and/or an apartment there is no need to attend the lectures or class. And since many of these students aren’t paying for College(Mom and dad stiff $30,000-$40,000 per year) the students don’t care.
C. Just because someone moves out of the house at age 18 doesn’t mean they grow up. The only way they grow up is if they either get a job while attending College and/or take their education seriously. Which just happen with most students.
D. The American education system is flawed. If you can get A’s in the more difficult classes at “Top Universities” by cramming the night before then you can understand that the system has been dumbed down.
This sounds great and all but you must consider what degree you are graduating with. For instance, I am a sociology major and I am planning on working in the research field. “Back home with mommy” there are no job opportunities. So it’s either move home and work for $20,000 a year or move to a city and work for $60,000+. Hmm… even considering housing costs, which by the way I am affording on my own while I am at college, and my 8 credit card bills, which I am also affording on my own, and my car payment, which I am affording on my own, I’d be better off staying here and keeping my college job then moving back home to mom. It isn’t responsible to move back home in my case. It would be weakness. To write such a general article as though all college students are still kids who need to find there way and grow up is poor journalism.
We no longer live in post-WWII America, where everyone could afford their own house and a college degree without debt. We now have the same wealth inequality as Mexico, more than half of college students take longer than 4 years because they have to work, the average debt after college is $20,000, and the jobs are scarcer and pay much less (usually without benefits). I resent the accusations that my generation is just weaker and spoiled and unable to cope with the real world, or that we are leaches that just want to suck our hardworking parents dry. Living in family units is often smarter economically for everyone involved, and it is a small minority of the privileged or mentally ill that do their parents wrong by living with them. If you aren’t wealthy in America, it is harder now every way you look at it than it was 20 years ago, and we are adapting.
Reading this article, and the comments, I felt I would share my opinions and story. I am currently a 19 year old college sophomore. I live in an apartment of campus with my boyfriend. Being financially independent as a college student is very stressful. With both my boyfriend and myself, going to school full time and only having, minimum wage, part-time jobs, we were lucky to get the opportunity to get a PLUS loan to help cover off campus housing for the school year. Recently, my boyfriend's parents proposed we move in to their finished basement. They offered to only charge us for our portion of groceries and cable. Along with offering a helping hand around the house. They are hoping that by our moving in with them, it will help us save money on all the rent and expenses we have now. Though the loan covers all those expenses, we are still going to be responsible to pay it all back along with the rising interest. Moving in with my future in laws does seem to have both its pros and cons of course. My biggest fear is that we will lose all privacy. I love having the feeling of coming home to my own place, cooking my own food, and coming and going as I please. I do not like having to rely on others to support me, that is what is making this decision even harder. After making lists of everything from what I like about moving in to everything I fear, I have decided to also get a professional opinion. I am going to meet with a financial advisor to lay down my options for either continuing to live on my own, or moving in with the in laws and begin to pay off my loans. I have decided to hold off on any decisions till July 1st (when my lease is up). I hope by then I will have received as much information and advice as possible. Even considering moving in with them is extremely hard for me, because I have always been so independent. But if it could possibly make it easier to move out right after graduation, I may be able to suck it up and do so. I have a lot to think about over the next few months but hopefully, I will make the right choice. I hope this article can help some of you see that not all of us "children of this generation" are looking for a free ride or being selfish. I know how hard it is to find jobs in this economy therefore, making it hard to live on our own. I have been lucky enough to have it covered by school but I very anxious to get it paid off as quickly as I can. Even if I cannot pay it off before graduation, I will begin my "adult life" on my own and out of my in laws basement. If this article is still around then, I will be sure to leave an updated story of my life just to prove that I do want to do what is best for me in order to start life off from the moment I get my diploma. Thank you for reading.
I agree completely with this article. It makes no sense to live on your own and slave away just to make enough money to survive till the next month’s bills.
In my case, I live with my aunt and uncle. My parents who got me into a lot of financial trouble from their advice have proved no help. They said the same things that a lot of these idiots on this post say about “learning to live on your own” and “sucking it up.”
Ironically enough, I learned from my aunt and uncle that my parents got a lot of help from their moms and dads when they were starting out. Many times, they received money for help in purchasing their home or were more than happy to accept the generous gifts that they provided.
I think that it just bitterness ans spitefulness from these people who posted negatively on this board. I think the term misery loves company is best to describe these “tough love” people who have posted on here. I suffered and was miserable making it through life, so why shouldn’t you be the same as me god-d**n it!!! Well, I imagine your kids will feel much better when they ship your stingy tail off to the nursing home.
Why do we want make it hard for our adult children? Why would we want anyone to incur a “hard life”? Why? Why do we expect that life is to be hard? This is bizarre and causes my head to spin in disbelief that we actually support the propaganda of life and meaning as framed by our controllers. Come on wake up! If my child was nurtured to be point of successfully completing his or her degree and then came home to fund the next phase of HIS OR HER life then good and well. I also would welcome my friends and family at any stage of their life when they required support and security.
Not big on this type of thing, but I spotted and picked this up yesterday. As I just graduated last year it has already proved very useful. A new book called “You Have A College Degree, Now What?” http://www.amazon.com/dp/0578044048/?tag=ptrunk-20
I see a lot of hostility to Ryan’s advice here but I don’t see anything wrong with it. It’s probably because I come from a different culture. In India children stay with parents until marriage or even all their lives. In no way does this make people irresponsible. They are able to save even as they contribute to household expenses. And in return, the children take care of their parents when they are old and retired. This takes a lot of adjustments and compromises on everybody’s part (and it’s not everybody’s cup of tea) but according to me it’s quite a good system (especially in difficult economic times).
Ryan, While some of your thinking reveals a sense of responsibility, such as planning ahead financially (for yourself that is), I’m not hearing the mature thinking with respect to your relationship with your parents. “Pay them rent if they ask.” Interesting perspective. As an adult, I WANT to always do my part in any given relationship, as much as possible, and preferably more than my part. I don’t want to put others in the position of needing to ask me to take my responsibility. Right off the bat, you’re trying to get away with whatever you selfishly can, and even counting ahead of time the money that will be in your pocket, instead of maturely thinking of the parent’s situation. Now of course many parents want to help their adult children in this way, but its a lot sweeter if the child realizes and wants to do his part of the responsibilities, and the parent then is able to generously relieve the burden. If the parents are “done with you and want a life of their own, don’t bother them.” I don’t think there are many parents who want to be done with their children and want “a life of their own”. But most do want their children to become adults. A characteristic of adult thinking is to have primarily a giving rather than taking way of thinking. Sometimes there is maturing that needs to take place before the adult child can live home as a functional family member, and that is generally the reason parents oppose having them live home, not they they are “done with you”.
To continue my previous thoughts… this can be a responsible choice if the adult child is mature enough to pull his weight in some manner or other in taking part in the household responsibilities as well as helping to keep a positive spirit in the home. I think its healthier to broach the discussion with the expectation that as an adult you will be a significant contributor and not just a taker, rather than putting parents in the position to ask for rent or whatever other contribution works out. If for some reason or other the parents are not open to the arrangement, I don’t think its a very nice perspective to think of the parents as being “done with you.” In most cases parents very much want to maintain and grow a loving relationship with their adult children. I guess I wish Ryan you had made some reference to the relationship aspect, as some of the posters did, other than the phrase you used “sucking it up.”
Honestly I think your article makes a pretty stupid point. After you have a college degree there is no excuse to not have a job. Of course your going to have to start of in a position with something you might not like but that’s life. If you do choose to move back in with your parents you SHOULD have to pay rent like any other adult would. Thinking that your entitled to everything you want in life will surely make you an a** very quickly.
I’m a recent graduate and do agree that moving home is a great option. Personally I have and am experiencing unemployment in this less that fruitful economy. I have no other choice than to move back or go straight into debt. Working throughout college was enough to get by but saving enough to make it through the transition period to adulthood was out of the question. I would prefer not to rely on my parents but the job market just isn’t what it was for generation x. I'm not sure about you but unemployment is at an all time high where I’m at. http://www.wral.com/business/story/6864708/
I know how it feels to be unemployed and out of school. Just be glad your family is understanding and helpful and be sure to let them know at certain times that you are grateful. Shoot me a line if you need someone to chat with, I know from my own experience how helpful it was to have someone who had gone through the same thing.
I just finished nursing school, and haven’t landed a job yet, hospitals are not hiring as often as they once were because of the economy, and my boyfriend and I are considering moving into my parent’s home for a year to try and save money to buy a home. My boyfriend works construction and makes a decent yearly salary but has college loans he is trying to pay off, so even when I do get a job saving while trying to pay rent and all of our other bills is a joke. I’m not sure if this is the greatest idea we’ve been living on our own now for almost four years while I was in college but I don’t see any other way that we are going to be able to save enough to put a down payment on a home and pay off our debt at the same time.
I feel like college is the time in which you should be discovering who you are, what kind of job you want, and where you want to be. Besides, if you’re TRULY responsible, you would have done internships during college and have already made networking connections to have a well enough job post-graduation to work and live on your own, wherever you want. (: But of course, I love my parents and visiting often is a must!
Moving back home has not been a smooth ride. Although it is a great money saver and it does allow you to take advantage of the time being with parents to grasp onto any great advice given but it can be very difficult. After being in Puerto Rico for the last 4 years and graduating from nursing school, living at home has caused a lot of stress and tension and has resulted in depression. I am having a very difficult time getting along with my parents because of being accustomed to living on my own. My parents can be very controlling and always want to know where, what, who, how and why. It has been very frustrating. I just got out of a 2 year relationship and that adds on to the fire. But you know what? After a few sessions of counseling and having family meetings about these uncomfortable situations has reduced the tension so much. It’s how you look at the situation. You can either see it as half way empty or half way full. If you think negatively about it than you will be miserable like I was but if you work at it and think about how much your parents care for you and the fact that they let you eat their food, use up their gas and live under their roof for free… these things can be a really big blessing. Parents are just there for our best intention. If you are blessed with great parents than appreciate them because you never know when their last day on earth will be.
I find this to be an interesting thread to read since it started in 07 and goes up until aug of 2010. There are NO Jobs(unless dad knows someone or you are a hot women, I know many smokin ladies that dont are dumb as rocks, partied all 4 yrs w/ no extracuriculars or networking done in college, but had a job before they graduated?), then 16 million unemployed, student loans, bad advice, and to be honest the MAN wants you to go out on your own and force yourself to work entry level till you get laid off or do min wage and struggle yourself into credit card debt so he owns you forever and u will always be working off your debt. dont fight the machine, it will beat you no matter what, b/c no one will use violence or fight back the man has nothing to fear
Moving back home with your parents is great advice. But also very hard. I moved back in with my family and the transition was rough. It was not only hard not having a place of my own like in college, but being away from friends and the college atmosphere. It can be a tough transition. Looks like this article has created a lot of conversation. Thanks for posting it!
http://thesmartcollegegrad.com/after-graduating-college/
I wonder if all of the hostility comes from people whose parents won’t let them move back in or support them as adults. I don’t see it as a bad idea, if you’re getting something out of it and nobody is getting hurt.
My parents come from those cultures where it’s okay to be an adult living with your parents. My mom had a fit when I told her I was moving out for a job at 25. Guilt was one of the many reasons why I stayed with my parents (it’s like they needed me more than them), as well as saving up money when I was in graduate school.
What’s funny is that I think living at my parents’ home is much harder than living in the real world. Some of you are saying that staying with your parents too long won’t help prepare you, but living on my own was so easy! I guess staying at my parents’ house for 25 years must have helped somehow. ;) I had to act adult-like anyway in my family of origin. Parents can sometimes be more immature than their children.
I feel like I may be in the same boat as you. My family doesn’t really want me to leave but I have to work very hard at home. I have to care for elderly relatives as well as my mother, and my father still expects me to act like a little girl. I often think that living in the real world can’t be as strenuous as this.
When I graduate, I will be taking a well-paying job with a consulting firm that will require me to travel 4 days a week. Since the office is in the city where my parents live, and I get along very well with my parents, moving back home seems like the most sensible option. Why get my own place if I’ll only be home 8-10 days a month? At the same time, I worry that it will stifle my sense of independence and possibly my relationships. However, I don’t plan to stay more than 3 years, 1 year if I’m lucky.
I also have friends who do have good jobs and are financially responsible, but have chosen to move back home, so they can save more quickly for their own place. In these cases, college grads who move back home are being responsible, and their parents support their decisions.
I’m graduating with my bachelor’s at the end of June. I’m torn between moving back home with my parents so that I can prepare to go to Pharmacy school at a nearby university and packing up and leaving to explore the world on my own.
I haven’t taken the PCAT yet or applied to the school of my choice. I’m not passionate about pharmacy, but I know it will help me to have a stable life. I don’t have any money saved up to move away from home. I kind of want to just see what the world is like out there. My whole life I’ve done everything “right” (I got a scholarship to a prestigious university that I hate). I’m just worried that I will have wasted my youth because I have always been a model daughter and hard working student–meaning I’ve never enjoyed my life. On top of having a scholarship I have always worked during college and during the summer at jobs that I have hated.
I’m from the inner city so really the fear of being stuck here all of my life coupled with the terrible experiences I’ve had working in the service industry is my motivation to just suck it up and live with my parents a few years while I prepare for Pharmacy school and live with them while I’m in pharmacy school to save money and hopefully stress.
What do you guys think?
Why do so many of you assume that moving back home automatically makes post-graduates lazy and unambitious? I moved to China for a year after graduation and now I live and work from home. I know that I have been of great help to my parents since moving back home. I babysit my niece, cook dinner once or twice a week, clean the house, and go grocery shopping. With all the money I’m saving, I’m able to pitch in financially as well.
In MOST countries outside the US, postgraduates live at home for years- my mother in India lived at home until she got married at age 28. During that time, she also taught high school and learned to be a responsible adult. Why do people think that these are at odds? I have plenty of friends who live and work in NYC, embrace the party lifestyle, and live way beyond their means.
I also think that by living at home, I’ve been able to form a much closer bond with my family. If people think that just living at home rent-free makes people ‘entitled’, they don’t seem to place much value in how parents should be treated. IT’S NOT A MORAL IMPERATIVE TO BE FINANCIALLY INDEPENDENT and live in a shitty apartment. It’s better to be interpedent and support your family as they support you (assuming, of course, they want you back).
I stumbled across this and found it very interesting and thought I’d give my two cents as this is my situation. I see a lot of frustration from older generations that my generation is “soft” and needs to “have the cord cut.” This is easier said than done, due mainly to the significant increases in college tuition and lack of increase in job salaries. I paid for my education almost completely by myself. I worked two jobs in college, which barely paid for my books and car, and at the end of college, I was $40,000 in debt. I lived with two roommates, and a three bedroom apt in my area was $1800 a month, heat not included. My salary was $38,000/year. Between student loan repayments, car payments, rent, utilities, food, I was barely breaking even. In addition, Massachusetts requires that all teachers get a masters in 5 years by the time you start teaching. So now I am back in grad school, which will set me back another $16,000. I could choose to not go back, but then I’ll lose my job in five years. Trust me, its not as easy as everyone seems to think it is. Even a public school’s tuition are now around $20,000/year. This is why our generation is being forced to move back in with parents-we are literally drowning in debt.
I don’t think moving back home is for everyone, but I would also like to point out to those who criticize this generation as selfish that going back home after college is acceptable and even expected in many non-American cultures. Don’t forget that in these cultures ( and I thought in America too? ) it is us kids who will be expected to care for our parents as they end their careers and we begin ours.
I was so pissed at the earlier comments. I don’t know if these people still check this post but I just wanted to say that nobody wants to move hack home EVER. unless you have your own wing in the house where you don’t have to answer to your parents. I guess the 2007 job market was Bette than the 2011 job market but I think it still applies that running out and getting your own beaten up and rundown apartment with 5 roommates is responsible. That’s completely ridiculous. As somebody said before when you go to college you go there for school, to learn and have experiences, not “grow up”. I’m currently living at home unhappily, sleeping in the same bed as my mother and if it was possible I would move out but I can’t right now. It’s financially irresponsible for me to put myself in more debt simply for financial independence, which when you think about it is contradictory. Unless you have a good paying job right out of college, transitioning from college via your parents is a pretty good idea. Why would you want someone to suffer unnecessarily when their parents are ready and willing to help? It sounds like you’re kicking you’re children out as soon as they are 18. Why are you having children if you are not willing to take care of them until they can take care of themselves? It’s not like they are free- loaders who smoke weed in the basement and watch TV all day. They graduated college obviously they have ambition and dreams. If moving home makes post college grad life a little easier why would you want them to have it hard? To teach them a lesson about life? That’s so ridiculous It makes my head hurt
I am gen. y and I work and go to school both FULLTIME. O I also live on my OWN and have since 18 with NO money from MOM and DAD so fuck off
You’ve read all the intelligent, thought provoking, comments for both sides on the site and that’s what you came up with? Fuck off? really?
Well, whatever.
My folks haven’t kicked me out of the house, even if I’m already working. My grandmother always had space for my mother when my mother needed a place to live. And no way are we putting grandma in an old folks’ home when she gets incontinent or worse. I guess it’s just an Asian thing.
Meanwhile, in America it’s viewed as such a bad thing. Oh well, just don’t expect the young adults you kick out after college to take care of you when you get to be a retiree living off your pension and the government jacks up taxes on your house. I see lots of old Americans immigrating to my country because their pensions and retirement “benefits” can’t keep up with the cost of living in the united states. We wonder about them here – haven’t they got kids to help take care of them? we figure they tossed the kids out at 18 so the kids tossed them out at 80.
just an observation.
I just read all the comments in this article and I found them quite amusing. In my case, I got a job next to home and MY PARENTS suggested that I move back with them. I actually wanted to move out, but I always take the advice of my parents very seriously. I did the math and it is much more responsible to live with my parents for a few months. This will allow me to save up and focus on .furthering my career and skills. I live in San Diego and had to take 50k in loans to finance my own education. Not only did I finance my own education, but I did it while maintaining a part-time job and a 3.6 GPA in Computer Science. I know I am responsible.
I am 21 and I live with 4 roommates. Life at my house is quite dreary. I cannot afford something else. I have worked since I was 14 and I have never had allowance or financial support for college from my parents. My mother is going through a divorce and this is a huge hit to her financial stability. My twin brother is now living at my mother's house and he has not paid a penny since he moved in. Unfortunately, my mother wants me to move in with HER for support.
I pay for my cell phone bill, cable, utilities, rent, my car insurance, my medical expenses, my food, gas for my car, my tuition, and any other expenses that come up.
My roommates are all from well-to-do families and all receive financial assistance from their parents, but they are still living at this house with lower rent than I pay even though I am often at my house only to sleep.
If you live with your parents, pay them back for their generosity. If you are on your own, get your priorities straight and develop a budget. Scholarships, loans and parental support are temporary. Unfortunately, the wealthy will always have the upper hand, so get over it and do what you can to be a responsible adult. It is never alright to abuse someone else's resources.
Most of the people bashing this article are making some pretty big assumptions. The general sentiment from the critics seems to be: “moving back in with parents? You are a pathetic baby! I suffered after college, and if you don’t, you’ll never have any sense of responsibility!” The truth is that you can’t make such a blanketed statement. I, for one, did not slack off during college or avoid learning “real world” skills. I actually worked my butt for four intense years with a heavy load of academics, volunteering, and leadership. I was so busy, in fact, that I knew it would be silly to rush an application to graduate school without devoting some serious thought into what I want to pursue as a career. Unlike some of my peers, who are now taking on 200K+ loans at the age of 21 to avoid the recession in professional school, I plan on using my year off to thoroughly research my options before signing my life away. During this time I plan on working/saving to repay my undergrad debt and helping my parents with chores, groceries, and my younger siblings. My parents are fully aware of my intention to pursue a graduate degree, and are happy to know that I won’t be throwing any money away on rent until I go back to school. So before you go on a “this generation is spoiled!” rant, please realize how close-minded you might be sounding.
worked my butt *off*…sorry…I get really annoyed at my own typos.
I think living at home works well if there is a facultative symbiotic relationship between the parent(s) and the adult daughter/son.
I live with my parents at the age of 24, and I work as a critical care nurse. (My dad is a minister and my mom is also a nurse.) I pay for all the groceries, pay my mom’s car payment, and keep up with all the family finances. I also clean the vehicles, mow the yard, clean the house, and help my dad with his ministry and humanitarian medical mission trips abroad (building websites, bookkeeping, getting teams together, marketing, etc.). My dad takes the money that he would have spent on my mom’s car payment and groceries/misc. and puts that money into their retirement accounts. So: Parents’ salaries – (Final Mortgage Payments + Retirement Contributions + Emergency Fund/Liquid Asset Contributions + 10% of salary to charity) = Money for other expenses and Extra Money for the Emergency Fund/Further Education.
In the meantime, I am able to put the money that I would have spent on rent into my Roth IRA account and into my 403(b) account at the hospital where I work. (Also – since my dad is a pastor, he gets tax benefits on our home – so it makes no sense for me to throw money away on rent or a mortgage somewhere else). Fortunately, I do not owe any student loans due to saving and working during my college years. So: My Salary – (403(b) max contribution + $5,000 annual Roth IRA contribution + 10% of salary to charity) = Money for Groceries, Work-related Expenses, and Future Grad School Expenses.
In about two years, I am applying to CRNA school. My dad is offering a chunk of cash up front to help with grad school (that is – if the student loans end up being over 4% – which I would want to pay off as soon as possible). Once I have more earning power as a CRNA, I can take on more expenses, and they can put more money into their retirement.
It works out well for the three of us in my family. I understand all our finances (and continue to learn as much as possible), and we pool money together to help each other out. (And I know exactly what to do to take care of them in the future or if anything happens to one or both of them. They also know what to do if something happens to me as well). In addition, we’ve planned on maintaining a certain level of facultative symbiosis even when/if I get married in the future (though I am purposely waiting until after graduate school for this prospect).
I understand that this doesn’t work for everyone (that is – living at home). But if you get along with one another, it can really be a fantastic symbiotic investment in the end. Together we (legally) bypass as many taxes as possible and we bypass the bank when they charge too much interest on loans! No interest loans from trustworthy family members are much better! We also keep each other’s credit scores really high by paying off each others bills if our money is tied up elsewhere (and we get more benefit by leaving those accounts alone). Additionally, my dad and I will be starting a home business in the future (both because we have a really great, value-driven idea and because of tax breaks).
So – yes – I agree with this article. When people work well together, why not? I don’t think there is ever a need to apologize or be embarrassed when parents and their children get along and help each other succeed in life. This just isn’t the norm, so some people get uncomfortable with this kind of relationship. No worries. Live your life, and love your family. And keep your wealth within the family and out of the government and others’ pockets! You deserve as much as you can keep together. No apologies needed.
I don’t really disagree with this article, but it’s not that much easier living with your parents. I love my parents, but I can’t live with them. I do it because I have to. Sure it’s got it’s positives, like an extra $700, but if I had the money, I’d skip some meals and pay those $700 for rent. It’s not really a joyful experience and I don’t really feel like I’m growing emotionally, spiritually, or mentally under my parents’ roof. If anything I’m more focused on avoiding their criticism than I am on developing myself. It’s a complicated issue.
I think this phenomena has a lot to do with our current fiscal situation. Let’s face it, our parent’s generation, while it may not have been OUR parents or not, screwed us over. A constant increasing national debt and little hope for any type of compensation from anyone in the future. An increasing larger part of our generation is focused on saving up instead of living the glamorous lifestyle of credit card debt and houses we can’t afford.. Recent college grads aren’t the ones being foreclosed on..
I’ve done those things. A lot of students have. Hell I’ve networked all over the world man. When no one is hiring they just aren’t hiring and sometimes your connections don’t always come through. For every 10 connections you have probably only 3 of them are reliable the rest can be garbage at times. What makes it harder for me is financially speaking I can’t even get a part time job for being over-qualified so thus raising funds to travel for job hunting is well impossible. And this situation for me wasn’t my fault. I was in Japan job hunting and on exchange when the tsunami hit. I was forced back by my university who then over charged me for not being able to do the spring semester despite it being their decision to pull me back. They held my degree hostage, after 6 months I got it. I did an internship in Turkey in the meantime. I am living off of cash I had saved up from part time jobs in Japan. back at home now. And so now I am waiting til Jan. to start grad school at GMU or move to taiwan (if the job offer comes through). For the most part I would say moving back home isn’t always a bad idea, it might be difficult if you lived away from your parent for quite some time too. I clean up the house. I’m constanting organizing things around the house. At itmes I feel some ppl in the house just don’t care how many dishes they rack up or that they walk inside the house with muddy boots instead of taking them off. It is fustrating. It irritates me when people fry food in the house because the grease sticks to the walls, its heavy very very fucking heavy and its in the air and it gives me headaches. I can’t even be at home when someone fries something, and I can’t even eat dinner for that night people use to think ooo I’m just being picky, but no there are people who do not eat fried stuff because well it makes them sick. Junk food makes me sick. So a lot of unhealthy things make me sick when I ingest them. Anyway I did what I was suppose to do, and I am at home at the moment. There are difficult times and there are easy times, and benefits. Just be willing to help out and compromise. But never assume a college graduate didn’t do the things they were suppose to do while in college. you will be surprised by how many students are competent took leadership roles, did volunteer work, interned, networked, etc.
took me five years, but were quite productive spent networking internationally. Taking on research projects with my University abroad. I got some really good contacts and am about to enter quite a prestigious grad school with a debt reduction plan (only got 17k in subsidized loans). Anyway man I took my time through college, I also took courses year round during every intersession,and three semesters. Very few times I actually got to have a vacation. I’m back home now, its a bit stressful, but coping with it as easy as possible, and very good considering that the tsunami in Japan displaced me to the point where I had no where else to go but home, the home university sent me back charged me a shit ton of money that I just got written off by the president. Soooo I think all and all things are pretty good.
took me five years, but were quite productive spent networking internationally. Taking on research projects with my University abroad. I got some really good contacts and am about to enter quite a prestigious grad school with a debt reduction plan (only got 17k in subsidized loans). Anyway man I took my time through college, I also took courses year round during every intersession,and three semesters. Very few times I actually got to have a vacation. I’m back home now, its a bit stressful, but coping with it as easy as possible, and very good considering that the tsunami in Japan displaced me to the point where I had no where else to go but home, the home university sent me back charged me a shit ton of money that I just got written off by the president. Soooo I think all and all things are pretty good.
I don’t understand why it has to be the suburbs, gas is going up its too expensive to live in the burbs quite ltierally everyone is moving back into cities or staying in rural areas. I think th eUS needs a lot of re-engineering of its infrastructure and values. I agree, if you cannot support yourself mentally, and financially then you have no business buying a home on mortgage, getting married and having kids. These aren’t indicators of being an adult.
I don’t understand why it has to be the suburbs, gas is going up its too expensive to live in the burbs quite ltierally everyone is moving back into cities or staying in rural areas. I think th eUS needs a lot of re-engineering of its infrastructure and values. I agree, if you cannot support yourself mentally, and financially then you have no business buying a home on mortgage, getting married and having kids. These aren’t indicators of being an adult.