Instead of feeling lost, look at life differently
Are you worried that you have no idea what you’re doing with your life? A lot of how you feel about yourself stems from how you look at the world. For example, instead of worrying that you are not on a track, consider that the tracks are not viable.
It’s a hard mental shift that might require some tricks. Here’s one to try: You can draw things more accurately if you turn them upside down before you put the pen to paper. Artist (and my aunt) Judith Roston Freilich says, “That’s an old trick. Also, people often suggest that when you are drawing and you’re stuck you turn your page upside down.”
The work world corollary to that might be to take a closer look at the people who pull their whole life together by age 24. In fact, they are the exception to the rule, and they are probably not that innovative. Wayne Osgood, professor of sociology at the University of Pennsylvania, told me these people are “fast starters,” and he says that they are only about 12% of the population. This group typically does not finish college and appears to have conventional personalities and expectations.
Before turning yourself into a pretzel to fit someone else’s mold. Try turning the world upside down and then take another look at yourself.
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8 Comments »
I have many of the trappings of conventional success (two degrees from Stanford University, Harvard MBA, fast-track career), but despite everything, never felt like I knew what I wanted to do with my life until I was almost 30…and this is after entering college at 15.
The fact is, it takes time and experience to discover what really matters to you, and there are some things you can’t rush.
Of course, there are the lucky ones, like Ben Casnocha (http://casnocha.com/), but they are rare exceptions.
Posted by Chris Yeh | October 6, 2006
Wonderful post! I’m curious: do you have any specific tips for how to “turn your world upside down”? I don’t even know where to begin! Thanks!
Posted by Cara | October 6, 2006
I love this post and know a variety of people I’m going to send it to (both pre-college and post-graduate)!
Posted by PunditMom | October 7, 2006
Cara, Here are tricks I’ve learned for turning the world upside down.
When I was in my early twenties, I asked myself, “If my family were never going to hear about any of my achievements for the rest of my life, would I be choosing to do what I’m doing?” It’s a way to stop doing stuff that is someone else’s vision instead of my own.
Recently, I asked myself a lot, “What would I be doing if I had all the money in the world?” It’s a way to find out what really makes me excited, what makes me happy.
If other people have ideas for looking at the world differently, I’d love to hear them.
Posted by Penelope Trunk | October 7, 2006
Love this post! Honestly the fact that other people (great people like Penelope) are having the same doubts like I do makes me feel good:-). I am 30, do have a “good” job (defined by conventional standards), but nevertheless am constantly questioning myself whether I should just stick to it or try something else, that may be more fun and exciting. Sometimes what I do is to try to look at myself from a totally 3rd party’s view - it sounds like a “ghost” experiment but it works when I think outside of myself. It can usually give me some “fresh” perspectives of who I am and what I should do.
Posted by Jasmine | October 8, 2006
Jasmine I like the third party idea. I do that sometimes, too. And it works. It’s so much easier to see other peoples’ problems than to see our own. Sometimes we can trick ourselves into seeing ourselves as the other person and we get clarity. For a few seconds, at least.
Posted by Penelope Trunk | October 8, 2006
hey there,
I am 24 male. i recently came to the USA. got married. but now everything is black. i dont know what to do, knowing there are so many things i could do. I have no friends. except my wife, i have no one to talk to. when she travels, i find myself very lonely. trying to think, but dont get any solutions. I do miss my friends and family. Its really hard, because i wanna proove my wife that i can do sumthin, but things just go on the exact opposite.
I am totally lost. i do sit sumtimes at home, i cry, because i dunno wat to do.
if u think u have any advice for me , then rtie down sumthing. thanx
* * * * * * *
Hi, John. I think you need professional help. You’re going through a huge transition to move here, and get married, and have to find a job all at the same time. It’s too much. No one could do all that without being very, very distressed. It’s okay that you’re having a hard time. But you need to get help. Find the name of a hospital and tell them you want to talk to a social worker. They can point you toward the right person. I think if you had a professional to talk to, things would start looking up. Really.
Good luck.
-Penelope
Posted by john | March 15, 2007
I feel so lost right now, im 21 and in my first year at university, before i came here i thought i knew exactly who i was, i had such a passion for my work and its all i wanted to do, i tried so hard at college and did really well but since ive been at uni i just could not care less anymore. everyday just seems like an effort, i keep on working even though ive lost intrest cus im telling myself that ill eventually get back to how i was. i just seem unhappy but i cant actually figure out why, i have great friends and im happy in myself but something isnt right. i know if it wasnt for my parents back home i would pack up everything and get on a plane somewhere and just keep going, i dont know what has happend to make me feel like this, its like someone has just clicked there fingers and now im unhappy, is it normal to suddenly feel like this and what do you think i should do. hope you can give me abit of advice.
xx
Posted by Wil Goodridge | April 19, 2008
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