Marry rich is still the best career advice. Here’s how it works.
TIME magazine celebrated the 100 Most Influential Women with TIME’s Wealth Leadership Forum, where the message was clear: you’re incompetent at managing your money.
On stage, three unimpressive women scolded The Most Influential about risk-taking, wealth accumulation, and the dangers of not thinking ahead. Each of three panelists used trumped-up titles to hide the same formula: marry rich first, glossy career second.
Malak Santini, Managing Director at JPMorgan Chase: “In order to have the opportunity to create wealth, women must develop their future financial plans and portfolios as early as possible. The future creeps up on us quite quickly.”
Reality: Santini got married right before she and her husband attended the Royal Wedding of the Prince of Denmark. She took three years off for their children and then went to JP Morgan in “wealth preservation,” where she monetized her new friendships by showing them how to decrease their risk.
Jennifer Openshaw, CEO of Girls with Impact: “This is not the time to shrink away from your work, but to lean into it. Women are woefully unprepared to enter the business world.”
Reality: Openshaw was a finance columnist until she married an investment banker and had kids. Now she keeps starting nonprofits that other people lead. Her most recent one encourages girls to lead instead of marrying investment bankers and having kids.
Sukhinder Cassidy, CEO of Xero: “Risk is not betting it all on black. You need to build a smart portfolio. Wealth gives you more opportunity. My daughter is a saver, and my son is an investor. There’s a problem with that. He’s accumulating wealth and opportunity.”
Reality: Cassidy worked at mid-level jobs in tech companies, always leaving before her stock options vested. She married an investment banker and founded a startup, which she quickly dumped to have children. Her husband installed her on corporate boards. Her next idea was a company that installs women on corporate boards. It failed, because it ignored the key factor: marrying an investment banker.
Today Cassidy mysteriously runs a mid-sized company, despite having no operational success. Her idea for increasing revenue is to shame women for being bad investors and then get them to buy her company’s accounting software for small businesses. Meanwhile, she’s not afraid to throw her daughter under the bus to close a few sales.
We know the truth: growing a career and growing a family are both very time intensive. Most of us who keep working while we raise children watch our career deflate year after year. But women with serious wealth can build a career by skipping steps. This is a great plan, as long as those women don’t hold themselves up as workplace experts. Because really, those women are dating experts.
The “women in leadership” industry is predatory — built on the lie that women need special help to succeed. The real issue is simple: women are more educated and higher-earning than men until they stop working to care for kids. Women without children climb the career ladder as successfully as men. There’s no leadership gap—there’s a husband’s-income gap for women who want prestigious titles while focusing on family.
Every “women in leadership” event I see features a woman lifting herself up by stepping on other women. TIME lured successful women into a room with awards, then sold them to the highest bidder. The highest bidder told them that they’re failing because they’re women. This won’t stop until we call out these individual women for what they’re doing to other women.
The panel’s final advice: “Be authentic, believe in yourself, and take risks.” That’s useless if you want careers like these panelists. But it’s perfect advice if you want to marry rich. And to that end, I leave you with the guest list from the Prince of Denmark’s wedding.
Please never stop making posts like this!
I once went to a “Investing for professional women” presentation in San Francisco. It was publicized as an evening to help young, professional women make smart financial decisions and featured a panel discussion of successful women.
I still remember when one of the presenters told us what a hard time she had making a decision where to put the $87,000 her parents gave her when she first started taking investing seriously. The mood of the room immediately shifted. Seat neighbors started muttering to each other about trust fund kids. During Q&A, it was clear the crowd was no longer with the panelists.
Every audience question was a variation of “and what if we don’t have family money?”
The story sort of warms my heart — I mean the women stuck around to ask hard questions. Calling out people who mistake their family money for a sign of their own brilliance! In person! I love that.
Another shining example of why some very intelligent and experienced women are not feminists.
Daaaaaaaaaaamn. Sick burn.
I’m pressing like here :)
yeah but the best marraige advice for straight women who want children IMO is to find someone who cooks!
There is very good research about how that does not make women happy. With kids in the picture, clear division of labor makes a much stronger marriage. So the person who cooks needs to also be the person who does the other stuff at home. I mean, no family works best when the parent who has been at work all day comes home and cooks instead of paying attention to the children who have not seen that parent all day.
Also, while I’m ranting, in the same way that women cannot do everything, it’s not reasonable to think men can be good at earning a stable income and also be good at taking care of the home. No one can do both. It’s too hard.
No totally. My point was for a happy marriage choose a man who prioritizes cooking over his job. For a stable career prioritize a man who prioritizes money. I think my insight is that aligned goals are actually better than trying to cover all of the bases. So in that sense we’re both right.
My university chaplain and I, anticipating that our offspring would have a university level I.Q., decided we would want our child to get a trade first, before entering university.
Last weekend I saw my niece, as she passed through town. She has just finished her (five?) years apprenticing, earned her red seal, and now she can do tin heating ducts and furnaces.
To me, having a trade instead of a career means a regular shift end, and never bringing work home in a brief case, and a less stressful life for raising children.
This is really interesting. My son keeps calling me to say he wants to leave college to be a plumber. He is not completely joking. And I think the idea has merit. Just because someone has a high IQ doesn’t mean they should be processing information all day. Our brains can be so much more creative than that. I think we’ve reached peak processing of information. Any more is not good for us. So what’s next? I love the idea of tin heating ducts.
No pun intended, but considering we are all full of you know what, there will never be a time when we don’t need plumbers. Probably one of the most noble professions of all. Imagine what life is like when your can’t find one when things break down. All the aspects of life that are not intellectual or sophisticated are actually dealt with by people who have guts and grit and lots of common sense. What’s not to respect?
And this is why my financial advisor is a single mother. She knows, first hand, how hard I work for those pennies and the trade offs of every choice I make with my money.
I’ll also digress slightly to say that ten years ago we had a coaching call in which you told me I was wildly underpaid for the level of responsibility in my job, and that I should buy a house (for emotional stability), get a new job, and find someone who would love me unconditionally, and not have kids because I was not the kind of person who would be happy to give up my career for my kids and not attracted to the kind of person who would. I was quite angry at you for a long time, mostly for being right. But I bought the house, found a new job (which I mostly love, and which pays me much more appropriately), found unconditional love (with a horse. People are unreliable), and had a kid. I don’t regret any of it, but I see, at a visceral level, the impact my career has on my kid, every single day. We are fortunate to have the resources to soften the blow (a beloved nanny, a flexible job that has been remarkably willing to work around my limits as a parent and stick to office hours, the resources to outsource the housework and menu planning), but the impact of me having to choose constantly between parent-me and executive-me (even on the days when I say f*ck the job and choose my kid) is real and not something any would-be-parent should downplay. Will we be okay? Of course. Will I always wish we didn’t have to be? Yes. Pre-kid I used to fantasise about winning the lottery and travelling the world in my weekends and holidays. Now I fantasise about winning the lottery and jacking it all in to home school my kid somewhere he can make messes with his cousins on a farm.
(That said, I don’t think there’s a way for anyone to have a job and a kid and not end up in this conundrum, but in a two-parent house at least there’s a chance that you can divide the choice and have someone who always chooses job and someone who always chooses kid)
Thank you for sharing your experience of making all these decisions – also, I love hearing what happens after a coaching session. Like a where-are-they-now TV episode.
Another question comes to mind with this post. Before I ask it, I have to say that the photo speaks a thousand words. We are to assume that skinny, well groomed rich women who received accolades are qualified to tell specifically other women how to get rich. Why is it that it is pure greed that drives men for the same goal, but when a woman is dedicated to acquiring as much wealth as possible (hence the whole event) it is something to praise?
Is a hunger for accumulating vast wealth a problem for men but a virtue for women?
People in their position assume that because they are very wealthy (whether accumulated alone or with the help of a rich spouse), everyone wants what they want. It’s not a safe assumption. There are all kinds of people in the world and amazingly, many are content with their lives and accumulating unlimited wealth is not a priority .
Did you ever notice that women in “powerful positions” think it is their moral duty (“noblesse oblige”) to “help” other women when in fact, the vast majority of women in senior positions perceive almost every woman around them as some sort of threat?
I have too many years and spheres of experience to see it any other way.
Like I said in previous posts, I am definitely not on the same page with you in many significant ways but this one is a masterpiece. Shout it from the rooftops.
These people believe in their bubble fantasies. That’s truly fine, more power to them, as long as you don’t work for them.
Sorry…one more comment.
I finally read the actual Time link. Seriously, it sounds like it was written in 1985. Does anyone really believe women have a hard time speaking up in 2025? All we hear all day is from women, women and more women. (Including me right now! LOL)…
That article was embarrassing. The contrivance factor was embarrassing. Thanks for addressing this topic.
My wife’s career really took off once I started staying home with the kids. I expect there are a few of different categories of women with excellent professional careers, and “women who marry rich” are one, “women who don’t have kids” are another, and “women who have stay-at-home husbands” are a third.
I sincerely appreciate you continuing to pull back the curtain on this- I’m so sick of these performative parades with panelists so in love with their “accomplishments” they can’t see or acknowledge their privilege and the protections they provide – and worse- aren’t open about them. And for the record: women aren’t risk averse – they are risk aware- huge difference.
I guess this is the benefit of having more time on this planet- I see articles like this one from TIME and roll my eyes and move on with my day- my 25 year old self would be nodding along while reading “Lean In” and wondering why I’m not getting ahead faster despite all the work I was putting in… The system is rigged! And don’t even get me started on the BS that is imposter syndrome that is foisted upon women without looking at the larger systemic misogyny. It all sucks. Marrying well is a great way out of the whole gambit, there is no prize for killing it at work and worse, it probably hurts you and your family in the long run.
OMG. Thank you for saying this: “there is no prize for killing it at work and worse, it probably hurts you and your family in the long run.” I keep stopping just short of saying this. You say it so clearly. It’s where I am headed. I think I can’t completely see the ramifications. If I say this is true, what am I advocating for? What should girls do in school? How do we account for girls who are different? I keep thinking about this.
I grew up with a single mother with four kids and no higher education whose background was barely above the poverty level. That’s where we were as well. All of us kids are now leading beautiful and blessed lives, we have traveled the wuorld, have plenty of food, and comfortable homes that are also hospitable to many people.
I cannot relate to anything you are talking about here. I guess this is because we are not trying to get super rich. Or maybe you can explain it to me if I am missing something. I worked for many different companies from age 16 through temp agencies until the end of undergrad college (in Chicago) and have a long storied professional life (largely international), as well as cancer, homeschooling, etc.
I don’t expect anything to be “fair” in life so it isn’t part of my thinking. I make things work . My worst work experiences by far were with women, so I can’t feel extra sympathy in that aspect either. I’m deeply grateful for the flexibility I have and the chance to live according to my own preferences.. My husband of 35 years came from even lower level poverty than me and ended up a professor in electrical engineering at an elite school. His clothes were literally threadbare when we met. He used to joke and say he wanted to marry someone “rich and stupid”….I thought it was hilarious. He was obviously joking but it was a hilarious joke. Is the idea of women marrying rich in this discussion real or a joke?
I have no problem if people really want to be high earners. I applaud that, actually. I just don’t understand how that squares with your ideas about socialism. All the staunch advocates of socialist policies I know are not working class, didn’t grow up in poverty and don’t hang around any working class people. I used to get yelled at (literally) by German professors when my comments about Brecht and other writers didn’t match their analysis…except that my life was the one in the story. It never occurred to them that an actual working class person would be studying such intellectual topics.
Is the fact that women can’t be mothers and earn a lot of money the biggest sticking point? I am sincerely interested in understanding your perspective. I am not interested in trying to persuade you to see things my way so please don’t misunderstand my intentions here.
To be clear, I grew up below the poverty level. This is trivial but apparently in this topic it is relevant so I am just clarifying that I have this background. Most people who know me don’t know that not because I am embarrassed by it but because it is irrelevant.
Hi, Katarina. I really appreciate you sharing your perspective. I think you’re right that socialism is not something you support when you grew up in poverty. I think capitalism sells a dream that socialism crushes; if you didn’t get to be a dreamer as a kid, you want to feel like you have options as an adult. I think I understand that.
I am also practical. I think you are probably my age. When we grew up no one would have said marry rich. When you and I were starting out adult life it was a generational privilege for women to be able to consider any career they wanted. Now not so much.
I think the situations are sort of similar: people who grew up with money are unimpressed with the opportunity to dream in capitalism; women who grew up with equality are unimpressed with the opportunity to dream in careers.
Interesting reflection! Besides my historical/theoretical understanding of socialism, I lived and worked in a “post communist” country. I could comment forever on this subject but I won’t..LOL
I sincerely appreciate your perspective. Thanks.
Absolutely, this has to be pointed out. It’s not just about the women who marry into money, but also those who come from generational wealth and act as if their path is easily replicable. The narratives they sell erase the privilege that cushions every “risk” they take. If we don’t name that, these panels keep gaslighting women into thinking the only reason they’re not CEOs is because they didn’t “believe in themselves” hard enough, when the real difference is access to wealth and protection from failure.