Mispelling public as pubic is so common as to be unremarkable but I think that's about the first time I've seen pubic misspelled as public :-).

* * * * * *
Ugh. Thanks.

-Penelope

Perfect. A personal story *and* useful advice. Glad to have you back, Penelope…

Lovely. Love to hear about the farmer and your life, and there is possibly no greater joy than running through a corn field in the middle of summer with someone you love… Cheers!

You know, at first I thought you misspelled "pubic," and then I thought that perhaps you really did mean "public"–but either way, I have trouble believing that 90% of my generation's women do that.
It's so nice to see you blog again, so soon after yesterday's. I always get excited when you pop up in my reader, because I know I'll get something I haven't read anywhere else.

Great story. Like anything, learning is what will make you a better girlfriend. Some days I wonder why my long-term boyfriend is still with me - believe me, there are some hell days! He's there because he loves me and the good times overshadow bad days. Don't be too hard on yourself…you are learning and I'm sure the farmer can see that. You are lucky to have each other.

And what, exactly, is wrong with stripping like you're on a pole?

I take pole dancing classes once a week and the effect that it makes me feel more vulnerable (because I'm not 5'7, 110 pounds like a stripper) yet I feel aggressive at the same time.

I'm just sayin'…don't knock it until you've tried it

"Something in between that surely is a building block of intimacy, but I cannot figure out how to do it."

Its not doing; it's being.

Hey, Long time reader, first time poster… Great post as usual. Vulnerability is okay - connecting with people you work is awesome, yet, my anecdotal evidence says otherwise. I think I make myself vulnerable only when I know it will be reciprocated. That by itself is a catch-22 situation. However, one of the things that works well for me is just casual obseravation - does the peer in question treat people higher in the pecking order the same as his/her peers? ditto for sub-ordinates? I feel that organizational culture also plays a huge role here - does the culture 'label' those who admit mistakes? or is it 'prudent' to say that all mistakes are learning opportunities.

Been a good year for moisture corn should be late. Does the farmer think he can get two hundred bushels an acre? Nice time of year to get lost in a corn field. Enjoy. Nice to have you back. Men like to talk just do not admit it. Be yourself and you will be fine. You really will talk about anything and it can cause some to think you are being more intimate with them than you intended. Exercise some caution with brazenness. Also be careful running in the corn with exposed skin, the leaves will scratch you maybe even draw blood.

"This is the last thing I should be writing on my blog."

Is this your last post ever?

Perhaps you can wiggle arguing in there under the farmer's radar … have you tried talking dirty?

There's nothing wrong with wanting to have a healthy debate. My husband and I have been married nine years and I cannot imagine being married to someone that would not want to go head-to-head with me.

We've both learned a lot about ourselves, each other, and how to deal with other people in the workplace by having an honest disagreement once in awhile.

We both care deeply for each other and respect each other, so when we come to consensus, there is some real value in having someone who knows you that well providing unfiltered feedback.

I consider myself an unfiltered person, but the pipeline from brain-to-mouth has absolutely no blockage when you argue with someone you respect as an equal and know well. There is an intimacy in passionate conflict and disagreement, to know all sides of one's partner.

If this sounds like the person you are, then don't feel there is something wrong for wanting to keep looking.

Great post. Kudos and good luck on your attempts at personal vulnerability! Sounds like the farmer is worth it.

"It all makes me nervous. And, like an employee who does not have the social skills for management, I wonder if I will get good at this girlfriend stuff any time soon."

If history is any indication, probably not for a pretty long while.

man, i got stressed just reading about your try at purposeful quiet. been there. afraid to go back.

re: the hair waxing debate — my gyno asked if my 15 yr old daughter shaved there — seems the MAJORITY of her 16+ yr old clients do shave/was. my 20+ yr old nieces verified it.

who knew?

* * * * * *
Comments like this one make the blog such a good resource. Thank you for the field research to back me up :)

-Penelope

woo hoo! Two posts in 2 days! Not so sure this one fits into the "intersection of work and life" thing too well - seems a stretch to correlate dating vulnerabilty to striving to be vulnerable at work, but maybe you just opened my eyes to a new way of looking at it. The whole waxing thing was news to me, too - possibly b/c I am so far from Gen Y that I'm not even in the alphabet. Being a Gen Jones boomer, I'm often agog at what's the norm today (@denise-for 15 yr olds??) but that's why I love this blog!

Yeah, vulnerableness sucks. It does make the manly sort of man really like a girl a lot, though. Think of it as a whole new power tool?

Work with many technical people? We'll take competent over likable any day. The more competent you are, the less likable you need to be.

That said, I still prefer working with friends. But maybe I only choose the hyper-competent a-holes as friends. :-)

-E

"If you let people see the cracks in your surface, that is where they will find a way in."

Fantastic line…so appropriate and true in relationships, the workplace, etc…which is why you wrote it, of course.

Our communities and their core building blocks (relationships) would be better (stronger, richer) if we all realized we're each trying to build with the broken pieces of our own realities. But then again, that's what makes a mosaic so beautiful.

Vulnerability at work is all nice and good if, and that's a big if, you don't feel threatened by the surroundings; in which case defensiveness is a natural and appropriate response.

Want people in your office to open themselves up to new ideas, new ways of doing things, thus exposing themselves to potential criticism? Make it a very supportive, relaxed environment (think corn farmer).

Love your posts, love your pics. In then end, though, be yourself. Don't try to be someone you think other people will like. Just be yourself. Does the cold rain worry if the people below won't like it? No, it falls, knowing the fields and the flowers appreciate it.

Be vulnerable if you want to, but only when it is safe.

"So he thinks I'm all vulnerable and intimate with him and we are connecting, but look, I'll tell that stuff to anyone."

That reminds me of my best friend. She's an extrovert and will shout out any crass, dirty thing to anyone. But she is not being intimate or vulnerable. She doesn't let many people in. I think it's good that you can acknowledge the difference between intimacy and TMI (your writing is most on fire when you do both at the same time).

"Not the bad in bed type. Well, sort of. Because I'm game for anything, but only as long as I don't have to be vulnerable."

Doesn't that leave a lot out?

Huh. This gives me some insight as to why I run my mouth at work all the time. As far as the girlfriend thing goes, I quit all the arguing/control stuff (well most of it, anyway) a couple of years ago. I am happier now. I wish I could tell you how it happened, but I think it is a "mellowing with age" sort of thing.

* * * * * *

I think there should be, maybe a coming out party for Michelle. Seems significant that you're posting comments with your name. Your comments have always been good and now, somehow better.

-Penelope

Hmm…I was married to a farmer for many years. Their chosen career is a life choice (a personal calling far deeper than others can ever hope to understand).

I'm glad you're being more vulnerable with us.

Yes, P, women who look like you get asked out on dates a lot. Do you feel beautiful now?

It sounds like you're beginning to see the tricky thing about branding: if it's a lie, people won't buy it. In your case, you preach this nonsense, about the importance of being vulnerable and listening and being nice, but aren't capable of practicing it, AND THE MEN IN YOUR LIFE AREN'T BUYING IT. Your ex- has bailed out and the farmer is now calling you on it.

"I nearly cry. From the stress of having to be vulnerable and intimate and not connect with words." Yes. They don't call it "vulnerable" because it feels good, but because it's frightening and dangerous. It is risky: you can get hurt. (Ask Nino how he felt after you revealed in your blog his unwillingness to go down on you.) The worst is still ahead: the time will come when you will be practicing vulnerability and the farmer won't reward you for it, he'll punish you for it because he's frustrated and has no patience: then it will be your time to practice patience, forgiveness, and not batter him because you have been stung. I suspect there were many, many scenes like this in your marriage, so many and so awful that Nino needed the word "love" defined for him in therapy when asked whether he loved you or not.

Time to polish up the brand, P. Your target market wants you to shut up: shut up. Your target market wants you to let him get a look at you when you undress: remember how you were taught the importance of wearing a bikini back when you were a volleyball player? Get to work.

Nice post on how to build a relationship. One of the best ways to build a connection with an audience is to tell personal stories. The more revealing the better. Those stories make people like you by making you real. Joey Asher

I like how you open up and share your personal life here - to me, that's vulnerable. Maybe not to you, but that's how I see it. And I think that's good. It shows a human side (not that I didn't think you were human…).

You're definitely taking it to the next level with the farmer. There are always risks but what is life without letting yourself go and leaping for something great.

Re Generation Y and waxing — 'tis a myth methinks. Women at all ages feel pain.

Dan Owen's written the first comment that's made sense here in ages.

Penelope,

I have been reading your blogs and havnet fealt the urge to write back in acknowledgement. Of the many bizzare themes from which you articulate precpective worth their weight in gold , this post about the farmer and you was quite provocative. Pun Intended.

The underdogs have long been vulnerable lot or so the audience percieved. Little then is the doubt that people largely rooted for the underdog.

I gain valuable personal lessons to bury ego and pompous persona deep down and show up more vulnerability.

in doing so i transend.

Lot me socialise this with my indian leaders and come back to you with a dip stick data.

keep writing beautiful mind.

pardon my horrible typos please

I think this post really does reflect your writing skills and your ability to communicate through words. It's what you do well - especially while you are being genuine and authentic. I get the feeling this journey you are on is one of self-discovery and being true to your feelings. Not one or the other but both of them. Connecting and vulnerability can be achieved on many different levels and methods and you have given some examples in this post. People want to be likable and accepted for who they are at work and home. I think vulnerability is one of the keys of likability (but not the only one) and the one you're concentrating on right now. I'm still mulling over being connected, vulnerability, and likability and their relationship to each other for my own life. Thanks for being a 'farmer' and providing us with some food for thought.

100,000 Harley Hogs are expected in my town, starting today, and so "revving down," which they are being asked to do by the community, comes to mind. PT, can YOU rev down?

Sometimes, a lot of driven chatter is like ADHD . . . so I can understand that your farmer wants less of it. I am with a man who is pretty taciturn myself. I know full well that when I talk and talk it sometimes is my way of being in control.

I'll bet you know how to approach others according to their needs–I'll bet you do it with your kids. You give them a chance to say or not say. You have probably learned not to go on and on with them, because you know it can stifle a kid's voice, when the adults rains down verbiage upon him. With them, I'll bet you have learned to wait to see what they will say–thus giving them the time they need.

When the farmer talks in an easy-going way, not willing to spar, think of it as minimalistic poetry, spare, like the Haiku. Surely, you can become more comfortable with that style, if you've a mind to.

CAK

Isn't love grand? And please change your photo. Embrace the new you inside and out. Good luck.

Penelope, vulnerability is something that is so easy to fake. As I was reading your post, it was like I was reading a page from my own journals from a few years ago when I realized that everyone felt close to me because I told them terribly personal things, but I felt close to no one because those personal facts did not touch who I was at my core, and that was the place I never let anyone into. You can spout personal facts about yourself all day long and debate great thoughts until you're blue in the face, but you will not be any more intimate with those around you than you were before. To really be vulnerable, (at least I found in my experience) you have to let him see what scares you to let him see; the goofy little songs you sing to yourself in the morning as you're getting ready, the way you feel that just a few more pounds off would make you happier with your body, the fear that if you stop talking and sharing facts and debating you'll lose a part of yourself. That's what I found to be the whole point of intimacy and vulnerability: loosing yourself. Trusting someone else with the parts of yourself you never let come out, the part of you that has no need to win an argument, the part of you that fears the quiet. Its no easy job. but good for you for learning that all the facts you share does not equal vulnerability. And thanks for sharing with the rest of us in your lovely style what you are learning about relationships.

"So he thinks I'm all vulnerable and intimate with him and we are connecting, but look, I'll tell that stuff to anyone."

I think the TMI talk is a way to pull a power play on men in your professional life. What man, if you were his female lawyer or business partner, would be telling you how his wife wouldn't suck his dick right or how he shaved his balls? Maybe I'm wrong, but probably not many–and if he did he'd be seen as disgusting and sleazy. But for a woman to say those things isn't seen as sleazy–it's seen as ballsy and confident. I could be 100% wrong but I'm pretty sure you wouldn't get the same kind of reaction if your lawyer or board member were a woman–talking about sexual stuff wouldn't be a power play if a woman were the opponent; instead of making you appear ballsy and confident it would probably just make you seem trashy, and/or would freak them out so much they wouldn't want to work with you because they'd be too uncomfortable.

I also think it's telling that the thing you mention wanting to talk about after you take your pants off and get into bed is your board meeting. This time, though, it's the opposite–while talking about sex with men in a business context gives you power, talking about business in a sex context is an attempt to take charge of that situation as well. Ditto the need to debate and argue–you want to assert your dominance, and, as you acknowledge, you can't do that when you're silent with a guy on top of you.

The thing is–if you're honestly wondering if you'll be able to be good at the girlfriend stuff, I think that as long as you're always the professional you, you won't be. No offense or anything–I love you and think you're awesome–but you yourself acknowledge that guys can't get close to a woman who's all business, all the time. A guy certainly doesn't want to be hearing about your board meeting when you're naked in bed and he's trying to roll on top of you. Guys like girls who make them feel like men–girls who like to do the pole kind of striptease because they want to be sexy for him, because their being sexy for him matters to them. Not to sound like a 50s housewife, but it's just a fact. Same goes for women, of course; what woman could really stay interested in a guy who just wants to talk about either his business or just himself incessantly and never just focus on her? She'd think he was a pompous asshole and tell her friends she couldn't take listening to him talk about himself for another second.

I'll play dime store shrink and say that I think you don't want to be "good at the girlfriend stuff" now because you're not ready to be in a relationship. It's like Mr. Big–just when he was getting close to Carrie he'd freak out and have to bail. You're getting close to the farmer and it's too much for you emotionally. I think you think you want to be in a relationship but all signs point to the fact that you really don't. You definitely shouldn't see it as a personal failing or something or think you'll never be able to be a good girlfriend. When/if you're ready you'll be able to be vulnerable because you'll want that closeness. It's not something you can force–it's your mind/body's way of protecting you from something you can't handle right now.

Oy, can I relate. I'm a writer, so I'm all about connecting with words. People feel close to me, because they think I'm being vulnerable and honest. But for the last 18 months, I've been in a relationship with someone who isn't a talker….and yet who knows me better than any of my previous boyfriends who were. This has not been easy! In fact, I've been fighting it for most of the time we've been together. It's only in the last month or so that I've relaxed into it. It's hard!

Have you tried handcuffs in bed to excite the farmer?

Works for us every time.

Have hope. Vulnerability is not weakness or a curse. It can be expressed by men too. For me it did not come easy. A father distant now for 25 years. A daughter lost at birth 13 years ago. A good friend turning away from me this year. It takes courage to let me people into your world; a small leap of faith every time you do. People take what they think they need. Some play well with others. Some don't. Some turn out to be great confidants. Some are fools. It think the key is balancing your need for others with your need to fulfill your own creative intentions.

You wrote: "I read that 90% of Generation Y girls wax it off and I wanted to see what I was missing."

So, I have to ask. Did you find what you were missing???

I've often thought that the inability to be vulnerable was the key to failed relationships. I see it with 30 something NYC women all the time. After many years of trying to be tough they are no longer fit to date.

90% wax? It certainly seems to be a trend. My girlfriend is Gen Y but doesn't wax completely (she's a rare exception on many fronts. I find the Gen Y hype to be largely BS and a 20 year old woman is usually only tolerable when she's naked and/or quiet). A grown woman should have hair on her p*ssy. thanks

Thank you for this. As a talker and a writer, I go through the same stuff — people think I'm very open because I'll talk about anything, but what they don't realize is that if I'm talking about it, it's not THAT important to me. It's almost faux openness: because my threshold for what I'll talk about in public is so much lower than anyone else's, it SOUNDS like I'm being all open and vulnerable when I'm really not. Even when I'm talking about how I feel about my Mom's death earlier this year.

The one place that I never worry about what I'm saying is with my fiance. It's a relief to not talk and be with someone who doesn't need me to talk. She gets me. Sounds like you're opening up to letting the farmer "get" you — and that maybe you never let Nino in far enough to get there.

I wish you success with this one. It ain't easy.

"You wrote: "I read that 90% of Generation Y girls wax it off and I wanted to see what I was missing."

So, I have to ask. Did you find what you were missing???"

Mostly her pubic hair. But since it was missing, she couldn't find it.

I'm guessing those single women in their mid 30's in NYC don't really think you are much of a catch either Jeremiah. My experience is that the more a man complains about women, the less successful he is at getting them (and/or keeping them).

Penelope…it is clear that you are at a crossroads. With Yahoo and the Boston Globe both dropping the "column"; it will be increasingly tough to call herself a career expert. And with your chosen milieu being Gen Y; how long can you keep that schtick going especially being in your early 40's? And if the bloggersphere can research the inconsistent and aspirational past; imagine what the national media could do especially with the James Frey example as well as that woman in Oregon passing herself off as an LA gangster.

What will be her platform for exposure going forward? Brazencareerist? Not unless they update the technology. Where is the social networking aspect on that site? Why aren't the more photogenic bloggers doing their columns via video? Take your five best looking and articulate bloggers and package them as stars; not the unwieldy 50+ network you currently have.

Yes, the niche is supposed to be Gen Y and their careers but by definition that is too limited a category (at present time) to be of much interest. Why not transition to a Gen Y focused online magazine or journal? If Gen Y is more than just the sums of their careers certainly a website focused on Gen y should be more than just about that same topic?

Plus, make some of them reporters. Where are the pieces on the disportionate effects of our current wars on Gen Y? Where are the pieces on the effects of the economy? Where are the stories on the 60 +% of Gen Y not finishing college or the large percentage who didn't even finish high school? Where are the stories examining a country who's young people only have an 80% or so literacy rate?

I fear your only choice is to go "dooce" on your readers and go for broke with the personal details. Relationships, kids, sex, whatever and cut out the career stuff. Post everyday, make them outrageous, whatever gets the page hits.

And yet, it appears you have enough readers who care about you (and are not associated with BrazenCareerist) that they really don't want you to do that. They like the titillating details but they like that you hold back enough to not be blatant about it (and yes joking and commenting about sex is not opening up to your audience, it is a cheap parlor trick).

So where do you go from here? I don't envy the pressure you must be under but I admire the tenacity with which you must have in order to keep all of the balls juggling in the air.

You wanted talking. The farmer said no to talking. He wanted running. You said yes to running. Read Chapter One (How We Connect Emotionally) in John Gottman’s THE RELATIONSHIP CURE which argues there is a simple essence to human interaction, and it explains why you and the new board member moved easily toward connecting with each other.

And, you’re a poet. I suggest dropping the word "don’t," because you do seem to know.

The farm is absolutely lovely
Right now. But,
I see the corn growing taller,
And blocking the views
I’ve almost become used
To,
And I am worried that I know
What the winter will bring.

I don't think we fundamentally change. Ever. If you didn't get "good" at vulnerability and "girlfriend stuff" while married, I can't imagine it would change now. Nor should it. There is no should.

Your parallel to management is perfect. There is no reason someone who is not cut out for management should throw themselves into that position. It will be fruitless for them and their employees.

Since you're talking about farms, I'll share a funny quote: "Don't try to teach a pig to sing, it's a waste of your time and frustrates the pig." I think it's the same in your career. Be yourself, let pigs be pigs, and we'll all be happy on the farm.

Other then the great statistical news about shaving down under, you lost me Penelope. If you over think things too much, you lose the magic of the event. Just be you. You are great. I'm going to bet he knows this.

Great reminder about bringing your vulnerability to work. Feels like a dangerous thing! I'd be interested to hear opinions on where the line is with that.

I heard of an executive coach who began executive team sessions by asking each person to share the story of a childhood experience that shaped them into the people they are. This helped participants to see each other as human beings rather than, possibly, adversaries and leveled the field for a more constructive work session.

So I guess the vulnerability thing works. But how far is too far?

I gotta tell you, Penelope. The tone of this post really freaks me out. You like to talk. "The farmer likes less talk." You have fun verbally sparring with people. The farmer likes running in corn fields. And "(you) wonder if (you) will get good at this girlfriend stuff any time soon." Did you ever think that maybe it's not you, but that you and the farmer are just incompatible?

I was once in a relationship where I would have walked over hot coals just to hear his voice. I believe the feeling was mutual. When it was good, it was soooo good. But when it was bad, it was destructive to both of us at our cores. It was a painful process trying to be vulnerable with him because when I opened up, he didn't really like what he saw. I was constantly on guard around him, walking on eggshells, trying to be the girlfriend that he, his friends, and his family wanted me to be. It nearly destroyed the real me.

Then I met a man who not only does not judge me for my "failings," but actually embraces them as another piece of my puzzle. And guess what? I was able to be vulnerable with him in a fraction of the time it took me for my other BF. 12+ years later, I'm still with that man, and it works because I like him for who he is and he likes me for who I am. Though we are both into growing and exploring ourselves as individuals and as a couple, we do not try to change each other.

Yes, one should be open to learning new lessons from people, and the farmer may be just the one to give you a new perspective on things. When that teaching because pedantic, however, it may not be the best relationship in which to test your vulnerability boundaries.

well said. i have to agree.

While the word vulnerability may not be the word you want to use, the idea of being open to suggestions, asking for help, exposing your "cracks" as you've said can be very powerful.

From a leadership position this is also very useful but should be exercised in care. I've believe that people think more fondly of those that confide to them. We are all infallible and being honest about this only shows your humanity and definitely commands respect.

good observation

I am married to a very quiet man, and I am a talker. It took me a long time to get over his quiet, and learn to embrace it. But it can work. It doesn't have to be about being vulnerable, but more about waiting out his silences until you get back to a place where you're more at home.

I'm not saying he's the "one", but don't write him off because of the silences.

"I'm guessing those single women in their mid 30's in NYC don't really think you are much of a catch either Jeremiah. My experience is that the more a man complains about women, the less successful he is at getting them (and/or keeping them)."

Ah. A obvious rejoinder but it isn't the case. I only recently have come to appreciate that younger women who are smart and capable don't have the same baggage as their older counterparts. It's very refreshing. Look, I'm sympathetic to the whole thing. Woman come to NYC to follow a career and think they'll have time to make a family and "have it all." Unfortunately the world doesn't work that way and at 33+ they find themselves in a fix. Smart, well achieved women who never got the relationship thing together. It's indeed unfortunate.

Also, you say in the first paragraph, "So I should not tell you this, but here it is: It turns out that I'm a lousy girlfriend." to develop the vulnerability slant. I believe you have mentioned in another post your difficultly in being able to find a good match. A good match would allow you to be yourself, be comfortable, and be vulnerable in your own way. You examine your vulnerability here and yet you make no mention of the vulnerability of the farmer. Is he somehow more vulnerable because he talks less and expresses himself non-verbally? I would lose the adjective lousy here, give yourself more credit, and consider dumping him if the two of you are incompatible. Maybe patience is the key here for a long term relationship but I have my doubts based on what I have read on this blog. Maybe you'll prove me wrong. I wish you well regardless of the outcome of your journey.

I love reading what you write because you write how I talk and I can tell you are very much like me. Everything you say always seems to run parallel to something I am thinking or feeling in my life right now or in the past. I love how you can take simple life lessons and show how they can be used across the board.

I hope somehow you can come off the farm when I am out at Milwaukee Fashion Week in October so I can meet you in person.

Err, um, err…www.brazencareerist.com

Today I was wondering what is wrong with me. I even ranted about it. And then, I read this post.

Thank you for sharing.

Nice blog

PT, why oh why do you talk about waxing your pubes when this blog is connected to your professional website? And more importantly, why would you mention that to a potential investor. You must have been the red headed step child growing up because everything you do and say in your business and private life is about drawing attention to yourself as an attempt to show how successful you are and sometimes to show you are "better". It is ashame that your insecurities bring out that side of you. You will always have a difficult time in your personal relationships if you keep the mentality of whipping it out to show him who has the bigger set all the time.

For once take some real advice (i.e. not advice from a 'Gen Y'er' who has a website); If you ever want to be truly happy and have a truly fulfilling life, stop trying to prove something in everything you do. Men do not want a woman who is always trying to prove she is the best or just as good at something and women do not want to be around women who have such an overbearing personality. And one other piece of business advice for you is to lay off very personal aspects of your life if the person is not a close friend or acquaintance. While the guy you told your pube story to may be thinking, "Ok, show me," his business side is thinking, "What the Hell??? Is she nuts?" As much as you try to give out business advice, I cannot believe you do not know when to remain 100% professional.

farmer = rebound guy

Sorry to have to be the one to break this to you.

wax on, wax off

you don't have to be a 70s porn star, but removing it all inevitably brings a 5 o'clock shadow

Isn't it ironic how those of us who feel comfortable talking about what other people find intimate to near strangers (because we, ourselves, see it as fact instead divulging any actual part of us) feel near breathless (or near tears) when faced with silence with someone we truly care about?

One would think with such bravado and loquacity displayed in every workaday life, it would somehow be different. But no, it humbles me flat every single time I find myself speechless and desperately searching for the right words when all that's necessary is just to keep my mouth shut.

OK, I'm **really** close to dropping this blog. It's losing focus, and the useful comments on career, work/life balance, getting an MBA, etc. are gone. It seems to me that Penelope/Adrienne/Kim/Erin/Sarah/Joe (whatever her name is this week) is posting just to be posting, not because she actually has something to say. And please, no more of the farmer.

The question *I* have is what is this "business" that so many investors are required for? She keeps talking about endless meetings with potnetial financeers. It's been going on for six months at least. But all I see is a blog, which you can do from your kitchen table. And it appears the site http://www.brazencareerist.com has already stolen your thunder. At first I thought it was you, P, but I don't see your name anywhere on there.

What is this "business," Penelope? And where are all those others you've started, you know, since you're a serial entrepreneur?

@Nate You obviously didn't look too hard. Her name is right on the contact page: http://www.brazencareerist.com/about/contact

Props on the bikini wax, Penelope! Way to step up your game. I'm 25 and yes at a minimum 90% of the Gen Y girls shave or wax their "south of florida" area. impressed you joined the trend…hopep you reap the benefits! :)

yup, theres nothing like maintaining a pre-pubescent vagina. go team!

jesus, PLEASE dont make wax crotching a generational thing.

haha, of course i meant crotch waxing. oops, lol

What the heck is up with a society where adult women "need" to have the anatomy of an 11 year old "down there?" God forbid we should focus our energies and abilities on something useful, or valuable, to society or our economy - no, let's go get waxed, download some tunes, and visit Facebook. Forget about the barbarians at the gate - we are the barbarians, and we'll be our own downfall. GEEZUZ.

i would have to concur.

why oh why would you go at your privates, the nicest and gentlest area on your body, with a razor or pull all the hair out by waxing….? It's just so backwards!!!!

I will wade in here briefly. I don't think sharing how much you wax or shave is being vulnerable in bed or at the office. I think vulnerability is about giving other people an opportunity to be empathetic, not just revealing shocking details of your personal life. More revealing in the office would be for a senior person to reveal that they don't live their job 24×7.

Girl I love what you are doing with your blog right now when you talk about what you're learning with the farmer.. it feels risky. I feel like I'm watching a high wire walker. The new photos are so much better than the publicity shot you've been using.

I've read you and your book for a while now. Your most recent posts are so fresh and honest they bring tears to my eyes. I don't know and don't care if you can make a living doing that, but don't stop.

Alice is dead right about technical people - you can be a loud, arrogant, unwashed bastard - but that's fine with us techie types as long as you get the job done. The "lovely guy, but doesn't have a clue" is not the one we want to be on a team with.

As for the waxing - women have pubes, little girls do not - nothing wrong with a bit of a tidy-up, but I find the idea of removing it all deeply disturbing.

I loved your post. Being open in our public life is so different then being open in our personal life. It's so scary to open the heart and even harder to keep it open. Like an elevator door. It opens and closes quickly. I hope the farmer is on the right floor. Just don't hit the "close door" button too quickly next time you see him.

Wow, it sounds like you and the farmer don't have much to talk about. I mean, it's nice to be with someone who doesn't want to argue, and all, but don't you think you deserve a little intellectual stimulation?

He sounds nice and 100% boring. Sorry.

I take down my pants and my underwear in one fell swoop.

WOW Penelope, that was sooo sooo hot!!!!!!! Oh God my pulse is racing, and now that you say you are wearing sexy underwear. I just finished servicing myself over THAT one. Next you must tell all about you and the farmer. All the sex, and give an exact account of each sex act, thrust by sexy thrust.

Oh Penelope, looking at your grinning picture and envisioning you naked is starting to thrill me like never before.

Do tell more hunny, and remember, this city man in Chicago is available to you as well. And can talk about his vulnerabilities too :)

Waiting for your call.
ab

yuck. asshole.

It is obvious that you are trying to transition away from your so called "career" column into the hip young world of blogging on personal relationships. You may think you are a young hip women- Penelope, you are not. I am sorry, you have been jumping around like many of us, trying to create a career and then finding you are either not interested or no good at it. It would be refreshing if you just called yourself what you are. A 40 year old women, that is blogging about her personal life….an unsuccessful marriage, an unsuccessful career, and just trying to fit into the world like the rest of us. You are not a "Brazen Careerist"

If your readers are still coming to you for advise on job success, than they are surely in for a surprise. I have read your blog a couple of times as i found out that you moved to Madison, WI the same time I did (I have since moved away back to New York)- and I have never really understood were you felt that you were qualified to give advise to people. At 33, I have worked my way up the corporate ladder making six figures to then find out I hated it and got out for good. I never found your advise profound, intellectual,or thought provoking. It sounded more like a personal angst you had at your own failures.

We all have had failures and successes and I don't find you to be any more wise or an expert on this topic than anyone of my peers. I understand that you are human as well, but please keep in mind that some people look to you for guidance- which is scary. It is time to be up front with who you really are….a blogger and nothing else. Go ahead, blog all day- but stop with the career advice.

Wassup Mia, I'm a single straight man who got turned on by a pretty woman's damn near sex blog!!! Now the pleasuring myself part was uncalled for and I embellished that anyway.

um, exactly.

so I am not an a-hole. There!

lol. ya.

In the context of private correspondence between us two years ago (no, I most assuredly will not drop it), this posting is both hilarious and almost unpleasantly self-revealing. Maybe it's my (gasp) age, but I really don't need to know about how you undress, your pubic waxing habits, or what a bad girlfriend you make. You look perfectly lovely but I would rather not see self-revealing photographs, either. It never occurred to me that anyone would put a hit on you based on the blog: stupid of me, because I only need remember Robert Browning's first note to Elizabeth Barrett. "Dear Miss Barrett, I love your poetry and I love you." Hubba-hubba. I wonder how long it took Browning to get Barrett out of that hoop skirt.

Vulnerability truly matters but save it for the bedroom, for Godsake. It does not work in the workplace unless you work for Dr. Phil. You won't let go in bed, the quality of both party's orgasms and the trip toward them are going to be break-up fodder. Here I am again, Penelope–if you show your vulnerabilities in so-called "big business," education (where I'm going), or even a supermarket from which I just emerged, and–no pun intended–you are really going to get fucked. I hope you were not suggesting random from-the-opening-gun candor. Better Machiavelli: "Trust no one, fear everyone." I know–it's me again, hostile and basically misanthropic. That could be attributed to the fact that since the end of 2006, I've been on a psycho ward and in a county jail. I got a late education, but I goddamned well GOT it.

I was introduced to you via a hypertext program called Storyspace. Adrienne Eisen, your hypertext fiction is really good and some of the most sexually charged writing I've seen in awhile. Could Penelope Trunk do that?

SML, she's successfully making a living doing this as an accompanying content strategy to the rest of her content in print and online. Any of us can stop reading this any time; what's the angst / anger?

PT, you're not living up to your potential. Neither is your blog.

Hey Penelope,

Ignore all those pervs. Hey, I thought it was racy the way you described getting undressed, and the farmer is right, you've got to do it slower. Rent "Good Luck Chuck" and do it the same way Jessica Alba did it…and let me know how it goes ;);)

Seen your new pics, I think you are insanely beautiful, would you be interested in a handsome 38 year old man like me? You could then blog about how you are dating a younger man! And no, you are not a lousy girlfriend, I would go to great lengths to have one half as smart and beautiful and opinionated as you.

Keep up the good work hun, and do kiss and tell more ;)

ab

Geez, woman, you're on the rebound from a divorce that isn't even final yet. You've been seeing this farmer guy for three months. You were kissing him within the first week. And you were having sex with him, what, on the second or third date?

This post just proves to me that women should keep their clothes on and their men at arm's length in the beginnings of a relationship.

When will women learn that sex complicates the relationship-building process?! You've been seeing this guy for three months; you've been physically involved for not much less than that. And now you are dismayed to discover major incompatibilities.

He wants quiet; you want to talk. You don't waste time stripping down; he wants a peep show. You're Jewish; he's not. He likes physical activities like running through cornfields; you like to argue. He wants to be seduced by a woman in sexy lingerie; you feel uncomfortable with both the undies and the slow-down. Being intimate in the way that means something to him almost makes you cry. And you can't even respect his "no" when he doesn't want to kiss!

You say you are afraid that you don't know what the winter will bring. I say you are lying to yourself and postponing the inevitable. You and this man may have great sex together, but you are not inherently compatible. And you are beginning to see that. Sad thing is, the great sex will probably make both of you try to hang on to this relationship for too long, until the breakup is unbearably painful.

If you'd have held off on the sex for a while, you would have discovered many of these incompatibilities earlier, when they would have been easier to deal with, and when the inevitable breakup would be SO much less painful. For you. For him. And for your kids.

> Sad thing is, the great sex will probably make
> both of you try to hang on to this
> relationship for too long, until the breakup
> is unbearably painful.

No, that's the *happy* thing. Then she'll have LOTS of new juicy stuff to blog about, at the expense of those who once trusted her and were intimate with her. But anything to keep the attention on herself. Hey, Penelope, look up "Narcissistic Personality Disorder" on Wikipedia.

Oh my goodness….short of knowing any farmers I think we are dopplegangers or twins separated at birth! Vulnerability sucks…I can so do a guy, but don't ask me to care about him! lol
I was hoping younger men wouldn't be that evolved yet…
if you want to read my divorce based blog it's at
http://happilyevenafter.blogspot.com/

Vulnerability? Sure, but a sledgehammer should be part of every brazen careerist's arsenal. My girlfriend was pursued by her boss, but eventually fired. Eventually, she found herself in a desperate situation, because he gave her bad references. As a smart careerist, she contacted badreferences.com and documented his slanderous references. Now, he's toast.
Be vulnerable. Sure. But it sounds like you need to get tough with your boyfriends–sometimes. Keep blogging.

I enjoy your blog - mostly - but the pubic hair story has got to be the tackiest thing I've ever heard. You told a potential board member that story? Really? I'm no prude but that just seems way out of place and inappropriate. The story you told him sounds more like a way, as I think you mentioned somewhere, to control the situation than anything else and my take is that perhaps you wanted on some level to make him feel uncomfortable or catch him off guard. That's not true verbal intimacy at all. I would argue that in some way, all the talking, regardless of whether you do it at work or during private moments with your boyfriend, is 'cuz you're afraid to let go of control. Maybe that has to do with fear of being vulnerable but you can look at the issues separately too. You show your vulnerability in your blogs but you don't ever seem to let go of controlling the situations you're in. Stop trying to shock people with inappropriate stories about your pubic hair or whathaveyou; stop trying to control the way a situation is going to go. Even the photos you posted are showing your insecurities: you hated the picture of yourself online so decided to post photos you like - and they're great pictures but heaven sakes girl, no one else cares about that photo but you! Sorry for referencing another blog. Stop letting the static of your own voice get in the way of true intimacy. I'm a processor too - I have to talk about things but I'm learning, slowly, that there is a time and a place for sharing certain stories and part of being in a relationship with anyone, whether it's a work relationship or a significant other, is learning and respecting their boundaries too. Maybe you're trying to shut some other part of yourself out too - the part that needs silence and quiet reflection. That is another thing I'm learning: regardless of the many and varied ways we all practice self-avoidance, sooner or later we're going to have to deal with ourselves.

It is all about power and insecurity. Penelope is a very insecure person. She has changed her name numerous times, she is always trying to project she is the bigger/better person in a relationship through money and success, and she uses flirtation as a way of getting in good with potential business partners, etc. Everything she does is to bring attention to herself because being a "real" person isn't enough. She isn't afraid to drop her drawers and show the guy next to her that she has a bigger set; in fact, she makes that a necessity. Vulnerability is a dirty word to her because she has to be in control (or at least think she is) at all times. She is better than a man and definitely better than other women. I am guessing that she has VERY FEW female friends, if any. She doesn't like the self perceived competition they may bring about.

It used to be fun to rip her career advice because 85% of it truly is nonsense and would get most people fired, but reading this post makes me feel sorry for her. She cannot just accept who she is, but instead must constantly work to be someone else, who in her own eyes, is the best and the hippest. PT, you aren't fooling anyone. You dropped your real name because you were ashamed of it and didn't feel you could be successful with it and it all went downhill after that. When you deny your own name, you are only proving to yourself how insecure you are.