Ask yourself: Do people like me?
You get promoted in this world because people like you, not because you get work done. There’s always more than one person who can get a job done. But everyone’s personality is different, so when you want to differentiate yourself at work, focus on your personality.
Showing the True You
Keep in mind that “likable” is not as subjective as it seems. Most people in the office agree on who’s likable and who’s not. For example, most people like Bill Clinton — he just has a likable personality. Even the Bush family members, Clinton’s political polar opposites, say they like his personality.
So, if you want to get ahead at the office, you need to figure out how to make yourself likable. Usually, it’s not a matter of changing your personality, but rather making sure that your true personality shows through. Most people, if they’re true to themselves at work, are likable.
Ten Ways to Blow It
Then again, most people think they’re more likable than they really are, and therefore don’t try hard enough. There are many things that keep people from being likable — here’s a list of 10 of them:
• Using sarcasm as a defense mechanism
You probably don’t know if you’re using sarcasm as a defense mechanism, but if you use it a lot, it’s a safe bet that it’s in a defensive way.
• Being quiet because you’re insecure
People are inherently social animals. If you have nothing that you want to say, then you’re probably not likable because you have nothing to offer.
But if you do have things to say but don’t say them, then you’re not likable only because you’re so insecure that you believe you’ll sound stupid when you talk.
• Not revealing emotions at work
Keeping to yourself emotionally makes you seem one-dimensional, and it’s hard to convey likability with no depth. Most people who talk but don’t reveal emotions are out of touch with their emotions. You have to know them yourself to share them with other people.
Reaching Others by Reaching Out
• Being too smug — as in not asking for help or not revealing that you’ve had help along the way
To show no gratitude or no need for others is to alienate yourself. You might think that you make yourself look like Superman, able to do anything in a single bound. But superheroes don’t really exist, and real people need real help. So let them know you understand this by asking for help and expressing appreciation.
• Not seeing people for who they are
If you treat people who are powerful well and people who have no power poorly then you aren’t seeing the whole person. Power structures don’t define a person; they define a person’s clout. Treat everyone with respect or you won’t deserve it yourself.
• Being bored by others
If you’re not curious about other people, they won’t be interested in you. The most likable people make other people feel interesting by genuinely caring about them.
Me, Me, Me
• Being obsessed with your workload
If you think work matters more than people, then that’ll be true — for you. And people will expect you to be a workhorse but won’t want to get to know you. And they need to know you to like you.
• Not taking responsibility
If people don’t like you, it’s your own fault. Likable people are liked in all circumstances. If you blame people for your problems, people aren’t going to like you — even if they’re not among the people you blame.
• Hiding from objective feedback
You can get it from therapists, co-workers, teachers, and coaches, but you have to seek it out. And if you don’t, then you probably don’t have a good sense of your least likable qualities. So you don’t have the knowledge to make yourself likable.
• Not trying to change
All the knowledge in the world can’t overcome an inability to change. The ego is very strong and can rationalize anything. Don’t let yours do that. Take criticism to heart, and address it no matter how likable you think you are to begin with.
You’ll be more likable right away, because listening to others and trying to change are both inherently likable qualities.