Rob Reiner was a bad parent; I’m not surprised his kid killed him
South Park episode “Butt Out” which makes fun of Rob Reiner’s self-delusion.
Rob Reiner is a famous director and he’s dead. You probably knew him from his movies This is Spinal Tap and When Harry Met Sally. Now you’ll know him because his son, Nick Reiner, killed his parents by slitting their throats.
The past two days have been filled with celebrations of the great Rob Reiner which seem completely tone deaf to me. Rob’s first job was to be a good parent to his son and he was a bad parent.
We know Rob was a bad parent because by age 15 Nick, the middle son, had already been in and out of rehab for meth, heroin and cocaine. Nick has said that he didn’t bond with his dad when he was young. What was Rob doing while he had a 13-year-old son becoming an addict? Rob stopped directing movies and gave himself to public advocacy leading South Park creators to devote an entire episode to Rob’s hypocritical moralizing.
I’m sure Nick’s parents thought they’d be judged by their most successful kids. But actually, parents are best judged by their least successful kid, because that’s the kid who absorbed the family’s trauma so everyone else could flourish. Nick’s siblings complained about the anger he expressed toward their parents. Of course that bothered the siblings: they were parented differently; they were not addicted to drugs as middle schoolers.
In case you had any doubt about the core rot of the relationship between Rob and Nick, look at the film they made together. Nick wrote an autobiographical script about his childhood addiction. His dad directed the film — literally ensuring he had the last say over Nick’s story.
There is no scenario where it was appropriate for Rob to direct that film. He has plenty of connections, plenty of money, he could have set Nick up with a director who didn’t have conflicted interests. He could have given Nick the opportunity to direct. And in fact, Nick’s sister wrote three scripts that were directed by people who were not her father.
There’s new research from Harvard about how important it is for children to feel like their parents adjust relationships and routines based on a child’s actions. A child’s feeling that they matter to their parents starts during infancy and impacts their actions for their entire life. When Nick’s parents talk about how they did everything possible for him, they never talk about their attention before Nick was an addict, only after.
If you want to find out how much Rob thinks Nick matters, check out this interview with the two of them as they’re promoting the movie. Theoretically, this is where they are getting along and supporting each other. But actually, Rob dominates the conversation, he speaks for his son, and you can see his son is completely disengaged when his father is talking. None of this is working, but Rob can’t stop promoting.
It’s hard to tell if Rob’s promoting the movie or himself. He says he’s a better dad now because he understands his son more. But he can’t even sense when his son is moving his mic around trying to get a word in. Nick cannot even get Rob to shut up when they are talking about Nick’s story.
Here’s why it’s important to judge Rob Reiner’s parenting. First, he made himself a public advocate for other people to start being better parents, then he messed up his kid’s childhood and did a PR campaign telling people that he was a bad father but now he’s a good father. So Rob sets himself up to be judged.
Today news outlets sing praises for Rob Reiner’s storytelling and talk about Nick like he’s a sociopath when in fact, I think it’s probably the other way around.
First of all, during this Hanukkuh season, let US pray for the souls of Michele and Rob. No human deserves to be slain like this. God’s Speed. Next, far be it for Me to judge another, the way the Reiner’s parented. John 8:1-11. Third, I DO believe Mr. Reiner had a duty to protect his wife and a lock on any or all doors (whether they had them, they may have) was truly a no brainer. If they did not have locks, then this is and was a big mistake. Why a BIG MISTAKE? The accused murderer is 6’3″, 230. 32, in his physical prime. I was 6 foot, 170 at the age of 32, played basketball all my life with guys that size. That is a BIG HUMAN. With strength he doesn’t know he has. So I pray for Mr. and Mrs. Reiner. We grew up with his Dad on Dick Van Dyke, with him on All in the Family. Parked my scooter at Warner Hollywood next to his Dad’s space. I remember Rob on Gomer Pyle USMC, then makes AFGM with Jack, Tom, & Demi. God Bless.
Hanukkah is not a season. That’s Christian language for the Christmas season.
I feel so sad for Nick Reiner he’s so misunderstood
I don’t want to be like you by making rash judgments and unsubstantiated claims. I don’t want to call you names either. However, the titles of your blog posts do show your mental condition. My only comment is that I am glad you have three children like Rob Reiner (R.I.P.) and his wife, Michelle Singer Reiner (R.I.P.). One of their children slashed their throats. If anyone had told the Reiners that one of their beloved children would do such a thing to them, they would never have believed it in a million years. You have three children as well. Those who live in glass houses should not hurl stones at other homeowners who live in glass houses.
Truth hurts, and you are spot on!
I strongly disagree with this article. People show who they are since they’re kids; apparently Nick was trouble since early childhood. His parents tried to help by paying for his rehab treatments and providing for him. I understand even in his thirties he lived at his parents’ property. The other siblings seemed to be just fine while Nick was stirring trouble. Some people are just born crazy you know. Even if not perfect, nothing Rob or Michele did made them deserve that terrible end. My heart breaks for Romy who had to see her parents’ bodies; surely their last thoughts were for her, Jake and Tracy. May they rest in peace.
That last sentence was kind of disgusting. Not knowing what to do with your troubled child does not a sociopath make. This does not, of course, mean Reiner was perfect, but it does mean he was human. We have no idea what the actual internal struggles of that family actually were. You call Reiner a sociopath so confidently, as if you actually know what kind of struggle went on in the household. Some kids are just difficult kids. Some kids have personality disorders. Above all, kids are people, and we do not always control how people turn out. No matter if we try our best. No matter if we even know what “the best” for that kid even looks like. I think this form of speculation is more harmful than helpful. Especially when he was murdered.
I think it’s wrong to say “we have no idea what the actual struggles of the family actually were.” I think you mean we have no idea about THE RANGE of struggles. We can see SOME of the struggles easily if we just listen and watch Nick and Rob in action.
100% agree. It must’ve been very tough growing up with a father who was behaving like he was having the moral highground over everyone, telling people how to parent, how to vote, how to this, how to that, yet at the same time knowing that this person was totally failing you as father. Every Q&A of Being Charlie I’ve seen, Rob is there talking all the time, over everyone. Nick doesn’t get to say anything and if he does, Rob interrupts. Nick’s writing partner Matt, I don’t even know what his voice sounds like. Seriously… It’s incredibly how egomanical a person can be and there are still people who don’t see through it just because Rob seemed to be a nice guy when walking down the red carpet.
I see lots of bad, selfish, defensive parents are angered by this. Triggered much? I love the gaslighting, and DARVOs that every abuser does when exposed. If your kid is doing drugs, you are a crap parent, end of. I see so many also do not understand the basics of the parent child relationship, or how narcissistic parenting works. That it is ALWAYS the parent’s responsibility to unconditionally love their child, to work to earn their child’s love, and trust. To provide safety, and stability. It does NOT work in reverse. Children are NOT obligated to their parents. That regressive, delusional, boomer crap needs to go.
Nick clearly was never provided with emotional security as a child. I don’t care how much financial security they had. There is evidence he may be neurodivergent, NOT ‘sociopathic’, which, btw, isn’t a real term anymore. Nor are those two things related at all, despite the ableist bigotry that is rampant in especially the USA…. ND children without support experience high rates of ptsd, also, often undiagnosed. Most ND ‘lashing out’ is in fact zero to do with ND, but just the trauma inflicted by others, and so called ‘normal’ society. There are accounts of Nick struggling as a small child, while not diagnosed or supported. Parents seemed blissfully ignorant, and instead, early on labeling him a ‘problem child’. (Hint, loving parents don’t do that) Loving parents also do not ship their teenager off to creepy, cult ‘alternative treatment’ facilities far away.
Nick’s other siblings turn out OK? Maybe. So many of you also fail to understand enmeshed family systems…..google it. The golden child, the scapegoat, the ignored child, etc. We can clearly see where Nick fits in there.
None of that excuses violence however, it is merely an explanation. I do NOT excuse a grown male commiting violence. Which the USA has a surplus of. Drug use also usually leads to violence, and can cause a psychotic break. It isn’t that it is not tragic still, but that you completely pathetic, ignorant, or willfully dishonest defenders of rich, Hollywood elite, simply because you ‘like their work’ are displaying gross negligence as you turn a blind eye to what is obvious to the rest of us. Good, healthy parenting does NOT lead to a son turning to drugs in the first place. If you claim it can, you must be a crap parent as well.
Signed, a true, enlightened parent who would be ashamed of myself if one of my kids ended up like that. That would be on ME.
Here you go again, joining Penelope in making unsubstantiated generalizations about parents. Did you interview every parent who objected to Penelope’s conjecture and ill-founded supposition to determine that they are “bad” parents? That high horse you and Penelope are sitting on had better not eject both of you. Nde nzuzu.
It’s so interesting everyone’s different perspectives on this issue when at the end of the day it is all speculation. Even though some see this article as harsh I think it sparks more thoughts to the matter and was obviously written from the heart of this writers perspective and opinion. I think what’s important for EVERYONE to understand is that there is SO MUCH more to this story than just a sensationlized headline. Were they “good or bad” parents?? Only people close to the family and the family themselves really know that answer whether they want to be honest or not. But does any happy, well developed child turn to hard drug use at a young age just because they want to? Usually people turn to drugs to escape their own pain or miserable reality. Sure some people might do drugs for fun at a party one time and become addicted but typically even those types of addicts have underlying issues. It’s like with the Menendez brothers, some people just saw them as cold blooded killers (and on the surface they were) but then you go deeper into their story and realize while their parents never deserved to be murdered they did play a hand in what happened. You can’t kick a dog for years and then be surprised when they bite you. And once again no one knows their family dynamics just like I don’t know about any of the other commenters family dynamics. In this age of “information” its so easy for people to form an opinion right away based on their emotions instead of looking at it from a place of fact and truth. From other stories we can see that a lot of children of famous or well off parents struggle with fitting into that high pressure of being perfect. And the same goes for children of poor families who get involved in gangs or stealing. We are all products of our environment and so is Nick. Was what he did atrocious and brutal? Absolutely. Is there any justification for what he did? Absolutely not. But look at how many people supported Gypsy Rose (and yes her story is different from Nick’s) but using her story as another example of how a parents action or inaction greatly affect how their child grows and develops. Nothing happens for no reason unless someone literally has a psychotic break and snaps. And once again I’m not saying his parents did anything to contribute to this very sad event, what I am saying is if you’re going to form an opinion it should be an educated and well thought out opinion or just be neutral because we literally have no idea what went on inside their home until those close start speaking the truth. Like I’m sure a lot of you would change your opinions if one of their other children came out and said, “yeah my parents weren’t always attentive to Nick” OR “yes my parents were very attentive to Nick and he still turned out like he did” either way we don’t know so please stop assuming you have a God’s eye perspective on something that you literally are just hearing about for the first time. Do some people just make bad decisions and it has nothing to do with how their parents raised them? Of course, but a vast majority have very specific events that happen to them and mold them this way or that way. Some people grow and learn from trauma and some people crumble from it. All I can say is that Nick must have been going through some crazy emotions and feelings for a long time to be able to do what he did. And no normal, healthy person can understand what kind of mentality it takes to get there because they haven’t been pushed to that point or allowed themselves to get to that point. Look at the whole picture not just what your bias and ego tells you. Be a well rounded thoughtful and compassionate person not just another troll on the internet who wants to give the bird to anyone who doesn’t have the same opinion as them. Because you know what they say about opinions and a-holes…..
P.s. I feel very sorry for their other children and family and friends because what a horrible thing to have to live with for the rest of their lives and I hope that they can find some sort of peace through all of this. No one thinks these things are going to happen to them and when they do it’s Earth shattering. Hopefully something good can come out of this even if its just compassion and understanding and maybe even a wake up call for others parents who have a child struggling with mental health or drug addiction. Give each other grace because no one is a perfect person.
I’ve been reading this blog for well over a decade.
I do expect bias to sometimes show, the way I do with any friend I’ve known for a decade, for long enough for them to sometimes disclose bias. That’s what getting to know friends is about.
I won’t predict the decade ahead, but I do plan to keep on reading every post, for a long time.
There was a reason that Nick was homeless. He refused treatment at an inpatient facility and his father told him it was not an option to stay at home if he wasn’t going to get inpatient treatment. So Nick chose to be homeless. He had an option. He chose drugs over treatment. He has been in and out of treatment most of his life. His parents did everything they could to help him. You are being very unfair with your assessment about Robs parenting. Nicks parents loved him very much and did all they could to help him. But maybe Nick didn’t want help.
Nick’s parents are not responsible for him making the choice to be homeless. But Rob admits to not bonding with Nick when he was a kid. Failure to bond is abuse. The first step to a middle schoolers using drugs is a lack of connection with parents. I blame Rob for not bonding with his kid. The results of failure to bond are not a mystery. It’s devastating and it’s categorized as abuse.
Rob said in an interview that he did not bond with his own father. In fact he thought his father hated him. It’s a struggle to parent when your own parents did not parent. Rob needed help. But it’s not Nick’s fault that Rob didn’t get the help he needed.
I agree the father talked too much. But why harm the mother.
People who know Nick said that very Young Nick had a lot of energy (hyper), tantrums as a child and in his 20’s, yelling and screaming at people, made grunting noises.
Some people speculate that Nick has autism. That could be a reason why Nick did not feel that he bonded with his father. Rob Reiner bonded with his other 2 kids? His other 2 kids grew up to be normal adults?
Autistic people have a hard time bonding with people. They tend to be socially awkward. They tend to avoid eye contact when talking to people. They tend to have a hard time making friends.
if it’s true that Nick has autism, maybe that is why he started using drugs at 15 years old. To feel less shy / to feel less socially awkward. To be a happier teenager. Did Nick have friends in middle school / high school? Nick didn’t bother finishing high school.
Autism is genetic and if kids have it the parents and siblings have it. And ADHD is part of that genetic cluster. Moreover parents bond with their autistic kids all the time. I actually published links to all the research in yesterday’s post: https://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2025/12/20/bad-parenting-is-a-constitutional-right/
This article is so far from reality. You can’t blame the parents when I know some really awesome parents who’s child ended up on drugs and had lifelong issues. I find it so disrespectful to do that. When is self responsibility taken into consideration? I think Rob did all he could to try to help his son, but his son constantly would leave treatment facilities and go on the run. There’s only so much someone can do for another person if they don’t want help. And, from my understanding and research, Rob wanted his father to direct that film. It wasn’t something Rob forced on him. You seem to infer a lot about this family and have no idea. It just came out that he had schizophrenia, and the medication was causing him to become more violent. And experts are now saying that they believe he was self medicating because of the mental illness, and believe that when he’d go into treatment the doctors would treat the drug addiction and didn’t realize he had mental illness. Blaming the parents just seem to be so cruel. Put his politics out of your mind and think logically.
Can we just acknowledge, nick was not a child. He’s a 36 year old man. If he didn’t like his parents or how they parented him, leave!! He is very entitled even as a teen till now. Unfortunately a lot of children were raised the same or worse that don’t end up killing their parents….
No way! All Rob and Michelle ever did was care too much about their son. I’m shocked and appalled by this blog. It’s unfair and untrue according to everything I’ve read in the past couple of weeks. If you’ve had past issues of your own, it doesn’t mean other people should be accused of being abusive when all that’s ever been reported is that the Reiners were nothing but kind and caring. The other two adult kids said their parents were their best friends. It’s heartbreaking.
Imagine giving birth to someone, letting them do heroin at age 13 while you continue to neglect them for another decade, and then being surprised when they try to kill you.
Every parent has their least favorite child.
The idea that either sibling would have any idea what their brother went through is laughable. It’s clear you’re too parasocially attached to this story to think about it rationally.
My parents are my “best friends” and they both assaulted me repeatedly from age 3 to age 9 then convinced a bunch of doctors that i was schizophrenic so that i could never testify against them. Seriously, people like you are so blind to how suffering, grooming, and abuse works that you are effectively the BIGGEST PART of the coverup. Ignorance is complicity. Shame.
I agree with you. As crazy and overbearing as my mother is/was, she wanted me to succeed and NEVER would have moved heaven and earth to keep me from becoming a Nick. Rob was all about Rob. The entire situation is a tragedy, beginning with where his childhood first went wrong.
“Rob was all about Rob” Well said. Rob didn’t become focused on Nick until he was suffering so much that everyone else could see. This is convenience parenting.
thank you very much
I just wanna say even Carol O’Connor couldn’t deal with Robs mouth and he really was a meathead, not trying to disrespect the dead so here is my reply
I 109% agree with this and yes some say Rob was a nice person but I say only if you agreed with him if not he would bagger,belittle & argue with you and I can see him doing this to his son..
There is no excuse for murder none but Rob wasn’t a good guy nor a good parent
Btw to the ones crying get out of your feelings
Thanks for the shoutout to All in the Family. I watched reruns on sick days for most of my childhood.
That was bold.
This is an entirely different thing, but when I told a coworker back in 1985 that my brother killed himself, he said “What was wrong with him?” In his mind, the only kind of people who kill themselves have something wrong with them. I don’t think that’s how it works.
How do you think it works then? We evolved tenaciously to cling to existence. All other life forms share that drive. The vast majority of people follow this programing no matter how terrible the circumstance. It seems to me there must be something wrong, organically or developmentally, with a person who chooses to end their existence. That isn’t to pass judgment on it and I’m open to hearing contrary views.
Every psych/therapist I’ve ever talked to says they have had unstoppable and consistent suicidal thought.
The only thing forcing us to cling to our mortality is our humanity, which is taught and requires a chemically balanced brain. While yes I’d agree that most people with consistent suicidal ideation tend to have traumatic upbringings but until recently so did LITERALLY EVERYONE. The concepts of “safety” and “emotional stability” are so abstract and performative that i debate their function aside from breeding neuroticism.
Most species commit suicide when their BASIC needs aren’t met. Most humans NEVER recieve love. The idea that this lack of compassion is a “developmental issue” is laughable, when you’re literally trying to convince people that are already going through mental health issues that they are EVEN SICKER THAN THEY THINK THEY ARE. If you were correct, you’d be contributing to the problem you just identified.
It’s a societal issue, mate. People don’t care about mental health until its their own family.
I know this is total speculation but I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised if it turned out Reiner had some kind of Epstein/Alefantis connection that further complicated his relationship with his children. Regardless, anyone who’s own child tries to murder them has a LOT of explaining to do.
The Oscar tribute made me genuinely cringe, what a terrible terrible man.
Hope you aren’t receiving too much hate mail.
I’m unsubscribing. Rob Reiner doesn’t deserve all this trash talk. Here’s some hate mail for you. Diane.
I think you’re judging based on incomplete information. I have been in Al anon for 41 years. This is very typical of a family dealing with an addiction problem. First of all the family almost always blames themselves. A person cannot cause someone else’s addiction. Then they enable and try to rescue that person. Of course that is the worst thing they can do. This is unhealthy love not lack of love
I’m not talking about what should happen when everyone’s an adult. I’m talking about what Rob Reiner should have been doing when he was an absentee parent with a middle-schooler who was using drugs. The Reiner’s had plenty of chances to be present, loving parents to Rob, and they were not.
Just stumbled upon this and wow, just wow. I’m super happy for the author that she homeschooled three kids and thinks that they’re perfect and that she’s perfect and that anyone who didn’t have a perfect kid must be a monster. However, back on planet earth, cause and effect are a little more complicated. Most parents who have parented multiple kids know that to a very substantial degree, you get what you get, and good parenting can only take you so far. You have enough kids and you’ll figure that out Penelope. You’ll see that genetics and environment don’t always conform to your worldview of yourself as superparent. Some shit is just beyond your control. Nick has obviously been an incredibly sick individual for most of his life and chances are no amount of differential parenting would have changed that. Genetics, prenatal environment, nutrition, infection…there are literally a billion variables you can’t always control as a parent that can rob your child of an ability to be normal. It’s not all about parenting. The Reiners have two other children who appear happy, well-adjusted, and completely devastated by their parent’s deaths. To me that just doesn’t suggest “horrible parent”. Quite the reverse in fact. So get off your high horse. Instead of criticizing others, just thank your luck stars every day that in addition to being a good parent, you also won the fucking lottery. Both of those factors are actually required to have perfect children.
So when a schizophrenic man randomly attacks a woman on a bus and stabs her to death, was it because the woman did something wrong? There’s countless people close to those with severe mental illness who are physically harmed by them because the person is mentally unwell, not because the victim failed them in some way. There’s plenty of information out there that shows how much Rob and Michelle tried to do for their son. There’s no rule book or one way to deal with someone with mental illness AND addiction. The fact that you’re a therapist/life coach and you think like this is scary.
Rob and Michelle did not try to do anything when their son was in middle school using drugs. Rob and Michelle were totally focused on their careers and their son continued to be raised by nannies. The problem starts when kids are very young. It takes a lot of neglect to have a middle schooler using drugs.
Rob and Michelle did not help their son when he was in middle school using drugs. They continued to focus heavily on their careers and they continued to use nannies to raise their kids. It takes a lot of neglect to have a middle schooler using drugs. That’s where the blame starts.