Melissa is back. She stayed with us on the farm a little while over the winter, telling me to shut up, and playing with me in the snow.

I think by now you get the picture that Melissa is one of those people who breaks every rule and lands on her feet. One of the things I really admire about her is that she quits a job as soon as she knows it's not the right fit for her long term.

1. Keep rewriting your story so that it makes sense.
I don't think I've ever told you that Melissa worked at Ogilvy in NYC. Her stint was less than a year, but long enough for her to become an search marketing genius. Not that she's doing anything with that knowledge.

“It's interesting to know,” she told me. “And everyone should live in NYC once in their life. For as long as they can stand it.”

She took a finance job in Hong Kong and retooled her resume to tell a new story: Her developer resume showed a child prodigy programmer becoming an Ogilvy SEO queen. But she changed it to a sales resume where she is an Ogilvy account management and moves seamlessly into hedge fund sales. It's all true. But good storytelling on a resume requires selective shifts in focus for each job description.

2. Do two jobs at once to hide a job that is death to a resume.
Then Melissa quit her private equity job in Hong Kong with tons of tax-free money in her bank account and fled the finance industry to become a nanny in Milan.

It seemed like a great job. There's one kid in the family. He's nine years old and he's in school (the British school) until 3pm. For this, Melissa was earning the equivalent of US$100,000 per year. Here's the area where she was living:

The idea was that she'd hang out in Milan for a year, but she'd also do some sort of official launch of a career coaching business where she helps me put a lot of my individual career coaching online so that I can do more coaching over the phone. And then, I told her, she could drop the nanny job from her resume and say she spent the year building a coaching business. Her resume will look fine.

3. Leave when things get bad. A good resume is not worth a bad year of work.
You'll notice, though, that we never got to the career coaching part.

It turns out that the family is one of the most wealthy in all of Europe. The boy's father inherited a luxury brand that I am not going to name because I'm going to tell you that his kid is a monster.

But first, here's what the job was like. The house has a live-in staff of 35 people, plus security, which was important because the dad has the only complete record of a famous recipe. In his head.

At first Melissa thought her job was to take care of the kid. Then it seemed like maybe Melissa's job was to speak English at dinner so everyone's English stayed good. But really, only the dad talked with Melissa. About business. And she found herself researching topics in the day to talk to him about at night.

When the dad was gone on a business trip, it seemed like Melissa's job was to take care of the mom, who has never worked outside the home and does not appear to have any duties inside the home. So, for example, when the family went to the weekend house in Switzerland, the dad and the boy rode together in one limo and the mom and Melissa rode together in a second limo.

The first problem was that the job was insanely boring. Dinner discussions with the dad were interesting. But in general, the assumption at this house is that the life of the super rich is so interesting that it makes intellectual stimulation unnecessary. People spend their lives on the compound, raising their children there, exchanging their own lives for the glow of the household-palace they serve.

Melissa said, “I had too privileged a childhood to think this life is interesting enough to stay.”

Melissa quit.

The father was horrified. The father told the agency Melissa is the perfect candidate.

I told her forget it. Just leave. But Melissa felt bad quitting. She wants to be someone who sticks with something. So she agreed to stay on.

4. Once your instincts tell you to quit, don't second-guess yourself.
Melissa's job was to be on call for the boy, but he had no rules. He has been raised by nannies. His English was impeccable, including a wide range of swear words and personal insults he used on Melissa in front of the parents. Melissa told the nanny agency there were problems. The nanny agency said they had already recommended to the mom that she take a break from nannies and try parenting.

Melissa negotiated a month of extra vacation, which she had to fit in between accompanying the family on vacations to Bermuda, Capri, and the French Alps.

Then the boy, who maybe sensed the idea of a nanny quitting after only three weeks, went on full attack. He clubbed her with a croquet mallet, swore at her in impeccable English, and stole her iPad when his ran out of power.

Melissa told the mom, “He just told me to fuck off.”

The mom said, “Alors!” and shuffled into the boy’s bedroom. “Honey,” she said, “please don't use that language. It's not nice.”

The boy growled at Melissa.

The mom walked away.

Melissa quit again. Probably ten minutes before she was going to fall in love with the dad.

Which would have made for a great story. But fortunately, the story gets good because she had nowhere to go. She called me from the cafe down the street from the house because she gets no cell phone reception at the palace.

5. Cover up periods in your resume when you are flailing.
I tell her she could come to my house. I loved when she was here last time.

She said it would look bad on her resume.

I told her she could say that she was working for me. She could make it look like she was looking for a job instead of failing at a job in Italy, and I am the job she found.

I told her I was starting a company. She could put it on her resume.

She was concerned. “Goats? You want me to put goats on my resume?”

“Say agri-business. That’s a good city-girl word.”

She’s wasn’t convinced at first. “I don’t know anything about goats.”

“It’s just like any other startup. Startups are formulas. Whatever the product arena is, you go through the same stages of being lost and running out of money and having a marketing plan that doesn’t work.”

6. You have to take so many risks to find out where you fit. Mitigate other risks wherever you can.
Melissa says she can’t work at a company that’s not funded. She can’t run out of money.

I tell her I’m funded.

She says okay.

I tell her I’m not funded enough to pay her a salary. But anyway, there’s nothing to buy on the farm. You don’t need money.

She says, “How about if I fund the company? I can invest the $15,000 I saved in Hong Kong. Then it’s okay if I don’t know that much about goats. I’ll still own a portion of the company.”

So great. I have two investors and a company and a good friend living with me.

We decide this on Tuesday. On Wednesday she flies to Madison. It takes her almost 24 hours to get here, which gives me time to ask the Farmer if Melissa can live with us again.

“How is she going to earn money?” he asks.

“She’s working at my new company.”

“What’s she going to do?”

My kids overhear; they scream in glee. “Melissa’s coming. Melissa’s coming!—I get her iPad first—No, it was my turn last time she was here!—Let’s decorate her room—How long will she stay with us?”

“Yeah,” the Farmer says, “How long will she stay?”

62 replies
  1. jjdaddyo
    jjdaddyo says:

    I am guessing from the clues (wealthy European family with secret recipe) that she was working for the Wonkas. Am I right?

  2. Karina
    Karina says:

    Love this. I have been avoiding using my LinkIn account because all the contacts I could request are from my past career, in film, and I now work in fashion.

    But my last two job titles had the word “creative” in them, so I’m going to make that my story.

  3. Cheryl
    Cheryl says:

    Love you, Penelope.

    Not terribly constructive criticism, but you’re a highlight to my day, as usual.

  4. Jeffrey Lovingood
    Jeffrey Lovingood says:

    Great article, but you forgot a key ingredient to any résumé/job search article: It’s not always about WHAT you know, but WHO! Sure, your article is spot on about highlighting the connections and properly identifying skills so a potential employer would be interested enough to pull the résumé from the pile, but it’s the connections that make it happen! Without you in her network of business allies, she would probably still be in Italy.
    Jeff

    • EngineerChic
      EngineerChic says:

      I’ve crossed the 10 year mark at my current company but in 4 VERY different roles. And I’m thinking it’s time to do something else. One article I wish Pen would write is “is it crazy to walk away if you’re doing great at work, but you hate the toll it takes on the rest of your life?”. Cuz I could live a hundred years and never fly again, dammit

    • Jen M.
      Jen M. says:

      Well, some of us stay TOO long, because we don’t seem to have other options.

      I hate my job so much, but have been unable to find anything else.

      This article is really helpful, though. It gives me some things to think about in re-crafting my resume.

  5. Harriet May
    Harriet May says:

    This reminds me that I am in desperate need to do something risky and exciting. I need to fall in love with a rich European businessman and run away to start my own company. I don’t know, something. I still feel stuck. I still haven’t joined a running group (although I have tried). How does someone like Tina Brown get to be Tina Brown? That’s what I started to wonder, but then, the real question is: how does Harriet May get to be Harriet May?

    • Wooden U. Lykteneau
      Wooden U. Lykteneau says:

      I hope that’s the sarcasm this drivel deserves because most of us (a) can’t leverage our sex (b) don’t have rich parents to bail us out (c) can’t afford to be without an income (d) have children to support (e) or mortgage to pay (f) or bills to pay.

      • Harriet May
        Harriet May says:

        No, not sarcasm, just the desire for adventure. Life is what you make it. But then again my great-great-great grandparents moved to Kenya to look for King Solomon’s mines, so I am from good adventurous stock. I’m not sure who you’re referring to when you mention being bailed out by rich parents, and you can be financially secure on any salary, depending on your decisions. Sex is only a factor if you want it to be.

  6. Suzy McQ
    Suzy McQ says:

    Can’t help myself….I”m guessing Count Branca of the Distillerie Fratell.
    Probably explains why I’ve been unsuccessful at finding a job for the past two years……

  7. CL
    CL says:

    That little boy sounds like Colin in The Secret Garden. I think the only remedy for that kind of behavior is Mary, because adults obviously can’t reform him.

  8. MJ
    MJ says:

    Oh yeah, a negroni, outside in the breeze, and then a nice nap. Better than working any day.

  9. elaine
    elaine says:

    Love this – finding creative, accurate, truthful ways to put a positive spin on challenging gaps/jobs, and career transition on a resume is so rewarding and fun! Turning resume lemons into lemonade is one thing – turning it into a “startup organic beverage microbrewery” is art!

  10. Jeff
    Jeff says:

    Good Post Penelope especially the quote “A good resume is not worth a bad year of work.” That is sound advice and sums it all up! I was coaching a young lady a few weeks ago and I guided her with the same advice, but in different words of course. Well said. Really enjoyed this one.

    Jeff

  11. H
    H says:

    So now when Melissa tries to pretend she didn’t fail in Milan by massaging her “narrative” on her resume, all that her prospective employers have to do is read this blog post to figure out that she was a miserable quitter who fled the finance industry to become a nanny and who has now sunk her life savings into a sure-to-fail “start-up” run by two teenagers and a middle-aged woman who is courting said teens with gifts and flattery. Awesome! I can see being your friend is working out well for her.

    • Michael Cortes
      Michael Cortes says:

      H’s comment had me laughing quite heartily. Why? To be honest it is also a story. It is the story that many people, particularly traditional people, will see.

      But it does point out some irony in this post. Penelope, I often see your advice as coming from a brave person to brave people who choose be who they are with no apologies. I don’t know if you see yourself this way.

      However, if you need to lie or massage your resume… aren’t you really trying to court people who are not like that? People who are traditional? People who would not want to see gaps and “those” kinds of jobs on your resume? In short, aren’t you doing the lying and massaging so your resume is attractive to the kind of people whom you would not wish to work for anyway?

      • Penelope Trunk
        Penelope Trunk says:

        Michael, yeah, I totally agree with you. It’s two, truthful versions of the same story. I mean, there is no one, single version of the truth for anything.

        Think about when a couple breaks up. They each have different stories, but it doesn’t make either a liar.

        I think people who are reticent to spin the story of their career, have a misunderstanding of truth: they think truth is the first story they can think of, and all later stories that contradict that first story are lies.

        We can layer truths upon truths upon truths. And maybe, the story of each of our lives is actually a collage of truths.

        Penelope

      • Brigitte
        Brigitte says:

        Penelope – This is the most insightful thing you’ve written on this blog…and you write with a lot of insight. Think this one is worth jotting into my journal.

  12. Ken Carlson
    Ken Carlson says:

    Great post. What I especially love is the idea that life is for living vs. creating a great resume. I also like the idea that our gut response is usually the most “correct” response.

    One question that comes to mind for me is: What part of life does Melissa miss out on by constantly leaving when she jumps to the next thing? She’ll never know unless at some point she does stay through that part and see what comes out on the other side.

    The scary part of that is that maybe there is no “other side” to get to and you just end up with a sucky year of life. On the other hand, I think that there are times that we only can learn if we do the opposite of what our lifelong stories are telling us to do.

  13. Jody
    Jody says:

    I’m confused. If Melissa had “tons of tax-free money in her bank account,” why exactly did she need to take a job as a nanny? And if her background is finance and SEO, what qualified her to be a nanny in the first place? (Besides having an iPad, which kids seem to like.)

  14. Donna
    Donna says:

    So the nanny ate with the family of the house?
    And the “tons of tax-free money” ended up to be US$15k, after working as a hedge sales person in HK?

    Girl, you need to write fairy tales.

    PS – The US$100k/year of pay sounds also like fuzzy math

    • Pete
      Pete says:

      I have in the last few years, worked for two companies where the Director of IT (usually two bosses above me), had no college degree and each drew six figure salaries. Each of these guys badly needed to be forced back to school, as even a certificate in Business Administration would have helped their judgement (preferably, an MBA so they’d get forced to take personnel management coursework).

      In any case, if those two guys could pull six figures after BSing someone into allowing them to be in charge, I can more easily picture Melissa getting a six-figure nanny job.

  15. Bill
    Bill says:

    Best. Post. Ever. Click click click.

    I’m INTJ, like Melissa, and likewise get bored easily.

    I’ve also been very poor, and what I can tell you for sure about that is that earning the first few thousand — and then not spending it — is the hardest part. It can make you mean.

    But if you get the coping skills, and grow, you prepare for life in a way that won’t fit on any resume anywhere, in any way. There are worse trials, like how much that boy will suffer.

    • Bill
      Bill says:

      I just wanted to clarify this a bit — I notice that I sleep better when I have ~6 months of basic living expenses in savings. YMMV!

    • Penelope Trunk
      Penelope Trunk says:

      You bring up an interesting point, Melanie. I think most people would react like your husband. I am not sure why the Farmer is so patient in this regard.

      I think it’s because we have a very structured life: Three meals a day, at home, every day the same time. Wake up to chores the same time each day. Same chores. Same chores after dinner. Violin practice. Cello practice. Read. Bed. Everyone in bed by 9pm (unless I have a manic all-nighter, which maybe I do as a rebellion against routine…)

      So I think that we could bring 50 people to the farm, and as long as we keep the routine the Farmer has had since he was a boy, everything is fine for him.

      Penelope

      • Pete
        Pete says:

        I read once in a dating book that the key difference between men and women is:

        “Men seek comfort, women seek intensity.”

        Maybe your husband finds comfort in his routine?

  16. Brad
    Brad says:

    I’m still waiting to hear the farmer’s professional opinion on this whole “agri-business” venture, to which he is undoubtedly being expected to donate land and facilities.

  17. liz
    liz says:

    I so needed this article. This is one of the best pieces I’ve ever read (so relevant for me).
    I’m going to print it out and stick it to the wall. Thank you Penelope and Melissa! P.S. When does the telephone consulting begin?

    • liz
      liz says:

      Let me clarify: I’m the type with stick-to-it-ive-ness, even when I should just throw in the towel. It’s not like me to quit, when there are times and situations when I especially should.
      So, thank you!

  18. sophie
    sophie says:

    Who care if the goat business fails or succeeds? (Although I hope it succeeds). The real importance is these guys will be learning some valuable lessons in business and life. Hopefully, they go to college, but if they don’t they’ll have learned awesome business tactics from an obvious pro. How many of us would love to have such a mentor!

  19. Noomii
    Noomii says:

    Oh man – What a funny, entertaining read. I am going to recommend this to all the career coaches out there. Feeling stuck in your job? Read this little post and get some insight into creative resume writing and job searching. Way to go!

  20. Leonie
    Leonie says:

    When I worked overseas, it was only tax free up to 70k then I had to pay taxes on the rest of it…and that was only a few years ago..I’m curious how she got 100k tax free. Did the HK company pay for it?

    The funniest part of the story was the mom going in and telling the boy not to use such language then leaving….yes, she needs to start parenting.

  21. CP
    CP says:

    I came for the Girk…I stayed for the bitter comments.

    I am quite enjoying this blog so far. :)

  22. Steve
    Steve says:

    Ah, I just love articles and blogs describing people who blithely and apparently effortlessly manage to transition from “search marketing” to finance in Hong Kong to nanny for rich family in Milan, while currently half the country finds it nigh-on impossible to transition from, say, a job selling Toyotas to a job selling Hondas.

    This strikes me as either complete BS, perhaps actual results achieved by someone quite accomplished at tossing around complete BS, or lottery-winner-type luck. Or maybe a little of each. So what would be the takeaway from this had Melissa ended up living in a refrigerator box beneath a freeway underpass?

    Oh, also – isn’t this the same writer who told us that “doing what you love” is terrible career advice? Seems we have a wee contradiction here….

    • Elizabeth Briel
      Elizabeth Briel says:

      You can do a hell of a lot if you step outside the paradigm and get some perspective. For many of us, leaving the USA does exactly that. In a year in Hong Kong, I saved $ from teaching art, tax-free ($10K), which was enough to buy a studio in Sicily — with no mortgage. A studio which I am renovating now, and in 4 years will sell for 4-5 times that amount — about what I’m investing in renovations over a period of time. 

      Looking outside the presumptions – and economy – of national boundaries can get you somewhere extraordinary. But there are more risks to working abroad than taking a job in your hometown.

  23. Dana Leavy
    Dana Leavy says:

    A lot of this comes down to simply positioning yourself well. One of the biggest mistakes people make is second-guessing themselves and then making excuses as to why they shouldn’t leave a job, even though they know they’re miserable (hey, we’ve all been there): the money, it looks bad on a resume, don’t want to upset anyone, don’t want to start a new job search, what if the next job is the same, etc.etc. Someone who is passionate and excited enough by what they do to want to do a good job at it is a much bigger asset to a company than someone with a seemingly flawless resume, who’s hated everywhere they’ve been and done a decent job to just get by.

  24. Wording For Wedding Invitations
    Wording For Wedding Invitations says:

    Definitely a good read. I am reminded about the value of relationships. This is something I have uncontiously stepped away from being it so hard to find a good friend that accepts you for who you are, and doesnt spill all of personal life out to other people!

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  26. econobiker
    econobiker says:

    “I told her she could say that she was working for me.”

    Advocacy of lying to future employers, nice.

  27. tnguyenr@gmail.com
    tnguyenr@gmail.com says:

    Dear Penelope,

    As someone who has quit a few jobs in my life, I would agree and disagree with you post for the following reasons:

    1) I think it seems that Melissa quits whenever things get tough

    2) She doesn’t seem to have a realistic expectation of the job that she is about to take.

    3) A job becomes vacant for a reason and if it’s too good to be true, it probably requires a strong will to survive the job

    A job, unfortunately, is a job no matter what you do because it is something you have to do for 9hrs (or my case 12 hrs) a day. Even if you love photography, it becomes a drag. I have friends that work for the FT, the WSJ, and the NYT who you would think are fulfilling their dreams are just working.

    But at the end of the day, if you have to work for someone, any job comes with a price. There is no perfect job. I used to work at the World Bank and had a cushy office and nice and interesting coworkers. For every lunch, I could attend talks as if I was still in university. The only problem with my job was that it was highly political and the process took so long, something that young 20 something yr-olds despise. So I left and joined the private sector – a major bank. I got everything that I wanted: a job that has a huge impact on a day to day basis (essentially ticking all of the 10/10 boxes in terms of career). But you know what, what I didn’t appreciate about my old job (the cushy office, interesting people, and relaxed atmosphere) and life (friends, family, etc) was missing. The stress level is also very high. The work/life balance isn’t there.

    The point is that there is no perfect job. To have that, you have to create your own. I am not saying settle for whatever u have right now. But to only look at what you can gain out of the new job without thinking about what you will lose leaving it is a major mistake.

    I would say this applies with relationships. I am glad I am still at my current job (the high stress but impactful one). I know I can return to my old life, but I just haven’t yet because there are things that I am still trying to accomplish here. And I am staying for many reasons (idealogical ones) and also pragmatic ones (paying off student debt, good work experience, great team), as I know what I am looking for might not be what I want after all.

    And like Melissa used to, I am currently working in HK. I will leave my job at some pt but not because of the long hrs but because I have a vision of where I want to take my life next.

    So my point is that sometimes sticking it out is not a bad strategy. If you must, quit but even if you find what u were looking for, it might not be what you actually like. But life is about a learning process so might as well give everything a proper chance.

    T

  28. Cole Gerald
    Cole Gerald says:

    Hello,

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    I will be paying you 3,500 Pounds monthly and a pocket money of 200 Pounds weekly to purchase your daily needs. You will be working from 7:30 am to 4:30 pm every day on weekends. I will take care of your apartment because you will live with us in our house and I will take the responsibility of your Feeding, accommodation, Medication, Visa and flight ticket. You will only pay for your working permit.

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    Full Name: Engineer Gerald Cole
    Occupation: offshore Engineer (SPT OFFSHORE)
    Address: 147 Fortress Road, London, NW5 2HR United Kingdom
    Age: 53 Years Old

    If you are interested, Kindly email me on:cole_gerald86@yahoo.com or call my Tel:+44-704-2064-822 for further directives on how to get your visa and other traveling documents.

    Regards,
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