We have been saying this in Brazen Careerist board meetings for about five months. The conversation goes something like this:

Board member: How is the blog redesign going?

Me: Um. I'm thinking.

Board member: That's what you said two months ago.

Me: Yeah. That's true. I'll get some bids.

Board member: It's important the we differentiate the Brazen Careerist brand of the company from the brand of you.

Me: Yeah. I get it.

Then we have a pause in the meeting while everyone is silently frustrated with my inability to make changes.

The truth is that I have always known that I'm going to separate myself from the name Brazen Careerist. I mean, I don't want to be the Brazen Careerist when I'm 70 years old. And anyway, the brand is better for a social network.

So, it's time to take it off my blog. But I'm slow. I'm so slow that I am doing incremental changes as a warm up. And, also, as a way to make the board think that I am not constipated.

So the first change is that I added a section on my blog sidebar titled: My life disguised as career advice. And the list in that section contains topics that make sense for my blog, if it is separate from Brazen Careerist.

I think I will keep rejiggering my sidebar categories. I'm sick of the categories I have had. What's up with time management being a separate category from productivity anyway? What was I thinking?

The other change is that I have agreed to do weekly, live video chats. I want to tell you they will happen at the same time every week, but my life is not so streamlined. Fortunately, Ed, our CEO, who is all over me to start doing these video chats, has come up with the idea that the banner ad on my blog, which surely none of you even notices because it never changes, will now announce the weekly topic and the weekly time.

Frankly, I'm more excited about changing my categories, but I'm also excited about making Ed happy. I have found in my career that the only time I have a good job is when the person who manages me is happy with me. So that's the topic of this week's video chat, Managing Up: How to make your boss love you.

You can sign up here.

Comment on: The nuts and bolts of building a brand

Most of us didn’t learn that, though. Because it’s so hard to teach. I know it’s really hard to teach because people with Asperger Syndrome don’t understand how to ask a question, and I watched speech therapists (pragmatics specialists) try to teach my son, while I took notes for myself.

Children with Asperger’s often have to learn when to use Why, What, and Where because they don’t know how to ask questions, even though they often have through-the-roof IQs. They actually seem mentally slow because they cannot learn as fast as other children due to the lack of good questions – which is a great illustration of how important asking questions is.

I will answer almost any question someone asks, which makes me better at asking questions myself, but I am also very conscious of the fact that most questions people ask me are terrible.

So here are tips on how to ask good questions.

1. Trust that people are interesting.
Asperger’s children must learn that everyone can tell you something about the world that you don’t know, and learning things about the world is interesting. As adults, this is more of a respect thing—you need to take a leap of faith that each person deserves your respect and each person has an answer that will be really important to you, if you can just get to the topic they are interesting about. (This is hard when most people want to talk about the weather, or the price of gas or whatever. I am still working on that hurdle.)

2. Use a therapist to teach you to ask questions
Therapists almost never tell you what to do. They ask questions instead. And they ask such good questions that you can’t help learning about yourself. I realized, after about 20 years of therapy, that I had learned to internalize a therapist’s voice in my head—asking myself the questions that could help me to steer myself. So what therapy has taught me is to ask sharp questions of myself when I am lost, and to go back to a therapist when the questions I ask of myself are so broad and unfocused that they are not helping. It makes sense that everyone could do the same thing. And if you think you’re above this strategy, consider this: Companies do this all the time, they just call the temporary help consultants instead of therapists.

3. Recognize questions that are hard for you but easy for everyone else
I just had lunch with one of my board members, Erik. He is the guy the board sends in when I am losing my mind. (He’s the one who fielded the call when I was having a nervous breakdown from funding and maybe going blind.) Anyway, this week I asked Erik what do to because I can’t work because I’m so sad about the farmer breaking off our engagement. Erik told me to keep working. He said, “What else are you going to do?” He was right. The question seemed so large and complicated to me, but it was really that the question was emotionally charged for me. It was not a hard question.

4. Match the right question to the right person.
Seth Godin asked a group of people (including me) a few months ago to write a chapter for a new ebook. Usually stuff like this takes too much time, and, also, it’s usually boring to do. But Seth tailored his question so well that the answers he got were amazing. First, he said he needed “just 200 words.” That’s the amount of words that is easiest to write. Less than that starts looking like poetry and more than that starts being an essay. He also picked a great topic: “what matters now.” Of course, this would not be a good topic for most people. Most people would stress about it for months before deciding what matters now. But Seth asked people who ask themselves this question every day, and write about it every day. (Arianna Huffington, Dan Pink, Fred Wilson, for example) And he made answering fun, because, look, I love  how this ebook turned out.

5. A question you never think of is one of the best surprises of all.
Tyler Cowen’s book, Create Your Own Economy is largely about getting a life in the information age. But he spends a lot of time talking about how interestingness in life might be an end in itself. I am not totally convinced of this because I think I’m long on interestingness and short on social skills and I’m not liking the balance. And I think, maybe if I could just be a little less interesting then things might be easier for me. But, anyway, Tyler is convinced, and Tyler is pretty darn interesting, and he makes me think that one of the things that most excites me is when I hear someone asking a great question that I had not thought of.

So here’s a question for today: We know that women get more interviews if the name on their resume sounds male. (Here's one of a bazillion studies.) And we know that people do better in their careers if they are honest about who they are. (This applies to both your name and your sex orientation.) But here’s something I never thought of: What would it be like to pretend to be a man at work?

Comment on: Underrated career skill: Asking questions

One thing I’ve learned on this blog, though, is that most of my personal qualities that feel weird to me are actually pretty common traits among thinking people who desire self-knowledge. So to those people, I hope this blog gives you a sense of fitting in.

And, here are three workplace issues that I wonder if you think about as much as I do.

1. Having a huge crush on your boss.

Seriously, I have never worked for a guy for more than three months without developing a huge crush. This is, in part, because I have been fired so often that any guy I did not last three months with probably fired me and probably had no synergy with me.

But the bosses I did well with, I developed mad crushes on. All of them. Of course, I have worked always for good-looking men. (But, statistically, most of us have good-looking bosses.) I have always grown more attracted to my boss as we did better in the business. And I have noticed that it snowballs: The better we did together the more attracted I became, and the more attracted I was, the more tuned in I was to his thinking, and that made me better at work.

I have never slept with a boss. I like to think that I would have said no. (Though I’m not sure.) But I did find, through advice and personal experience, that women who work for men who are attracted to them have a little bit of power from that attraction. But the women lose that power if they give in and sleep with the guy. This seems right. (Hopefully you will all provide great case studies in the comments.)

2. Not knowing whether a meeting is a date.

Recently I met a guy for lunch. On the weekend. He is a big name. Big enough that developers have wet dreams about meeting him in person. Big enough that one of the first things he said to me when I met him was that I can’t use his name in a blog post.  So I’m not telling who he is, but it’s just as well, because while his email was innocuous, the farmer happened to read it and said, “This guy wants to get in your pants.”

I pointed out to the farmer that the email could have been written exactly the same way if Mr. King-of-Developers had been sending it to a guy.

The farmer didn’t care. Maybe the farmer is uppity because he also sent a sort-of innocuous email to me in order to get me to come to his farm, and, presumably, date him. So maybe he would know what that kind of email looks like.

I never know. One time I thought it was a date and the guy really just wanted to know what I was like in person. He genuinely had no romantic interest in me even though he took me to a restaurant that seemed to specialize in romantic dinners.

But it’s nearly impossible to tell for sure. I am a single woman, and when I get an email from a single guy who just wants to get together and meet because we both know we are both interesting, well, who knows if it is a date or not? And really, it doesn’t matter. I mean, we do the same thing at a business lunch and a date: figure out if we like talking enough to talk more.

So I just usually try to ignore that I never know if something is a date or not. But I have to say that the King of Developers was cute and fun and interesting and am I the only woman in the world who has this problem? No, right? But why aren’t people talking about it more?

3. Figuring out what to wear to the office at 10pm.

Since I’m at a startup, and I also work odd hours, I find myself in the office at odd hours. For example, I often leave work in the afternoon to pick up my kids, so it seems reasonable that if people want to meet with me later, after the kids are in bed, I say yes.

But I go running at night. And one thing I know about myself is that if I don’t put on running clothes before 9pm, I’ll never actually go running. So what do I wear to a 10pm meeting? Running clothes, of course.

I run a lot late at night, and I usually run in very dumpy clothes. After all, the only people seeing me at that hour are potential rapists. (Note to women: You are more likely to get attacked while running if you wear a pony tail. So I never do.)  But if I go to work first, I feel like I need to look good in the running clothes. So, I confess to wearing Lululemon brand pants because they make my butt look so good. Well, not just my butt, but every butt in New York City. And San Francisco, and Boulder, and everywhere else where women who have enough money to prop up their butt for on-lookers do so.

But I feel a bit guilty. Of course workout clothes are not appropriate for work. But it’s 10pm. And the people at work at 10pm are often about to spend the night at the office and they’ll smell bad the next morning. And that’s not appropriate either, but just in a different way.

Comment on: Workplace situations we don't talk about

As a gen-Xer, I am a master of recessionary times: I graduated into one of the worst job markets since the depression and then lived through the dot-com bust.

But since we're not actually in bad times right now, the question really is, what do you do in a job you have if you want to get ready for a downswing in the economy?  Here are four ways to prepare for a job market that might turn sour:

1.  Specialize
People think that if there are fewer jobs, a wide range of skills makes someone more employable. It's not the case, though. In a tight job market, employers can hold out for the perfect fit. And if you are not clearly defined as a specialist, then you are not going to be a perfect fit for anything.

Researchers have found that you get the most benefits from specializing after you have three to five years of experience under your belt. So don't specialize too early – because you won't have learned enough about what you want. But if you have a few years of experience, and you see layoffs looming, try to get on some focused, short-term projects that will allow you to market yourself as a specialist in something when you have to get your next job.  

2. Do something great – right now
Most people have been participants in the last decade of manic job hopping. Which means most people have followed a pattern of performing well at a company, writing those achievements on their resume, and then making the next hop. This works in a job market where you can control when you leave.

But if you get laid off before you accomplish something significant, you will end up with a dark spot on your resume – a place where you did not do anything particularly notable.

So do something now, fast, that you will be able to quantify as an achievement on your resume – as in completed X project in X percent less time than anticipated, or saved X dollars by working twice as fast as normal.

3. Consider graduate school
There's a reason why so many Generation Xers went to graduate school: There were no jobs in the early '90s. In a down job market, grad school is a way to enhance your skills when there are no available jobs that will do that.

One of the most popular choices is law school because a law firm provides a clear path (and an A in organic chemistry is not a pre-requisite). I have never been a fan of law school as a fall-back plan, because 44% of practicing lawyers recommend that you do not go into the field.

That said, law firms have become much more accepting of people's personal lives since the last recession. Many law firms have retooled how they operate to give people more time to have a life outside work, and they have changed their policies to accommodate different stages of life.

Grad school is a treacherous route, though: Be careful about spending money for a degree with no career path to follow it. But also, be careful of investing in a career path you wouldn't want to follow.

(Hat tip: Elise)

4. Focus on the quality of work and quality of mentoring
The hardest thing to do in a bad job market is to keep your learning curve high. If the market goes sour, instead of focusing on the perfect industry or the perfect company, focus on developing new skills. And then refocus your career into a more suitable industry or location when the job market gets better.

By cultivating a great mentor in your current job, you can make your job a spot where you can wait out an economic slump should one come. So instead of focusing on the negative predictions of economic doom, focus on the positive conversations that build a solid mentoring relationship, and you will weather the storm better because you won't weather it alone.

Comment on: Maybe there will be a recession. Here's what to do just in case

By Susan Johnston - It's easy to get screwed when you're fresh out of undergrad and starting a new job. Nobody tells you this, because it doesn't make a particularly inspiring message for a graduation speech or greeting card. But it's true. In college, you had professors to encourage intellectual exploration and advisors to make sure you stayed on track for graduation.

Unfortunately, in the workforce your boss is looking out for the bottom line and you don't automatically get assigned to someone who will look out for your best interests (you have to find your own mentors and even then they could have their own agenda). I graduated a year early, so I was especially eager and open to managerial manipulations. So, class of 2008, here are some situations to look out for.

1. You could get screwed on a project basis.
If you don't know what you want from your job, then how can you expect anyone else to know what kind of work to give you? It's not your employer's job to help you find yourself, so if you don't have a clear picture of what you want to do, then you are an easy target for tasks that no one else wants to do. Not every manager is good at delegating or figuring out other people's strengths, so the employees who know what they want and ask for it make their managers' lives easier. Those who don't, get stuck with the leftovers.

2. You could get screwed out of money.
In the past, I've been promised raises, and I failed to get it in writing because I trusted my bosses. The first time, I was working at a taco stand over the summer and my manager got fired a week later, meaning I missed out on that extra 25 cents an hour (tragic, I know). The second time my boss gave me a verbal raise but never told accounting. I straightened it out a few paychecks later, but I should have emailed him to confirm immediately after our meeting and avoided the confusion later. Another unfortunate salary manipulation is what I call the preemptive raise. Basically, you get a small raise when you're not expecting it and they know that you won't try to negotiate. But you should always negotiate so that you establish yourself as someone who knows what they're worth.

3. You could screw up your image.
People worry about the stigma of job hopping, but sometimes it's the only way to gain respect. Say you were interning somewhere and got offered a full time job at the company. Your parents would be elated, but I would caution you not to jump in without weighing your options. First of all, you'll always be remembered as the Intern, so people will continue asking you to fetch coffee and locate office supplies. My first job out of college was as an admin but a new position opened within a few months and I grabbed it. Even a year after I'd moved up, people still treated me like the receptionist because that's what I was doing when they met me. If your company thinks you're worthy of a full time job, then trust your abilities and someone else will offer you a position with more money and more respect as well.

4. You could get screwed into working evenings and weekends.
If you don't have 2.5 kids and a spouse waiting at home, then in many industries, you'll be expected to put in extra hours (and no, you don't necessarily get comp time or overtime). It's not fair, but that's just how it is. Take it from someone who didn't have time to date her first year out of college, because she was running around helping at events on Friday and Saturday nights. I suggest you put in the extra time when you can so that no one can fault you when you have a family commitment or a friend's birthday party. After all, you have outside obligations, too. Don't let your eagerness to please prevent you from having a life.

5. You could get screwed by lack of feedback.
Lots of managers are uncomfortable giving feedback (especially negative), so they'll avoid it if at all possible. For example, I once had a manager say to me "annual reviews are coming up in a month, but since you just started, we'll wait until next year." Fourteen months passed before I had a performance review, and I was blindsided by some of the comments I got, because no one brought up issues that had been going on for over a year! You can't fix it if you don't know it's broken, so you should take it upon yourself to check in with your boss periodically and avoid any surprises at your review. You could even ask what you need to do in the next six months to qualify for a raise. They may not give you clear directions, but at least you'll show that you want to excel in your job.

Susan Johnston's blog is The Urban Muse.

Comment on: Twentysomething: 5 ways people get screwed early in a career

Well, all workers who aren't at the top of the ladder, anyway. Those at the top surely think keeping the ladder there is a good idea, because what was the point of their climb if no one is climbing up after them?

Fortunately, there are ways to circumvent this way of thinking. You can't change corporate structures and procedures, but you can sidestep them in a way that gets you more interesting work and higher pay without having to trudge up an anachronistic ladder. Here are two. Read the rest at Yahoo Finance:

Get on a team.
"Teamwork" is one of the big corporate buzzwords of the last two decades. This is because companies with effective teams do better than companies without them.

The problem is that baby boomers never learned to play on teams. They're the consummate competitors, born into a demographic in which there were always too many candidates for every position. Boomers are thus keen competitors, measuring each other up for everything. So the data that showed the importance of teams was followed quickly by a round of consulting companies specializing in teaching people how to be in multidisciplinary, non-hierarchical teams.

Then came Generation Y, the best team players in history. They did book reports in teams, went shopping in groups — they're so team-oriented they even went to the prom in packs.

Put these two groups in a room and tell them to be a team, and you know what happens? The young people run circles around the older ones. The older workers try to establish a hierarchy while the younger ones are oblivious because they're busy tossing out ideas.

A messy scene, for sure, but this is the way to get heard, and this is the way to shine outside the hierarchy: Get on a team, speak your mind, and implement your ideas — all while the baby boomers are worrying about hierarchy.

Start your own business.
You don't need a lot of money to start your own company, because most of the tools to open up shop online are free. And in most cases, marketing is cheap and easy if you can establish a viral networking effect among your friends. This is why, in the short time that Generation Y has been in the workforce, they've already made a mark as a generation of entrepreneurs.

In addition to being fast and easy to do, starting a company lets you do interesting work you can control without having to wait to get to the top of a corporate ladder. Some people quit their jobs to start a company while others run theirs on the weekend. Increasingly, however, people are running a company from their corporate cubicle.

Read the rest at Yahoo Finance.

Comment on: Yahoo column: 4 Ways to sidestep corporate hierarchy

Even worse, it's a losing battle. Generation Y is huge. It's one thing for boomers to verbally squash Generation X — that was no problem. Gen X is tiny and the baby boom was huge.

But in Generation Y, baby boomers have met their match. And in the demographic catfight of the century, Gen X aligns itself with Gen Y over baby boomers, which means that the workplace gripes boomers have about young people are going to be moot in a matter of years.

So maybe the over-40 crowd should spend less time talking about trying to "bridge the generation gap" — which is really a euphemism for "get Gen Y to be more like us" — and more time celebrating the great things that Generation Y brings to the workplace. Gen Y isn't going anywhere, and it's not like they're about to conform to baby boomer demands.

But before you continue reading, understand that the world doesn't actually adhere to demographer datelines: The generation you fit into is more a function of the choices you make than the year you were born. So if you want to know where you truly fit along generational lines, take this test.

And if you want to know why baby boomers should ease up on Generation Y, consider the ways that these youngest workers are making life better for everyone:

Read the rest at Yahoo Finance

Comment on: Yahoo column: Why we should be grateful for Generation Y

What will matter? Here are some ideas to consider:

1. Offer good projects.
It's not that young people won't do bottom-rung work. They will. Every twenty-two year old understands that someone has to operate the copy machine. The important thing is that this should not be the whole job. One hour a day of getting coffee is fine if the rest of the day is spent writing feature articles for Vogue. Today the workplace is transactional. There are not long-term promises, there is, What can you do for me today? Tell the young worker what you need done, right now, and tell him or her what growth opportunity you will offer in exchange, right now. We all know that jobs are not long-term engagements anymore, so don't make the promise of interesting work based on a long-term stay.

2. Flexible hours.
When managers institute a policy for measuring work completed rather than hours at the office, employee turnover decreases by more than 50%. Younger workers are the most indignant when it comes to being required to work 9-5 every day. So instituting flexible hours will have the most impact on this group of employees. Don't be shy about countering a request for a raise with an offer for flexible work days. In poll after poll young workers say flexibility is more important in a job than money.

3. Training.
The average salary increase is four percent. Even if it were double that, you are not going to change anyone's life with that raise, and they know it. But training and building a new skill set can change someone's career by opening new doors. So find out what sort of skills your employees are looking to build and help them with that education. Also, keep in mind that training doesn't have to cost your company a cent. Young people place enormous value on mentoring. They want constant feedback. Offer structured, constant feedback in place of salary increases and promotions. If the mentoring is good, the lack of promotion won't be a sticking point.

4. Intrapraneurship opportunities.
If you ask young people what their dream job is, most will say entrepreneurship. But most don't have any idea what sort of company they might start. So, in the mean time, while they're dreaming up company ideas, they need corporate jobs. You can endear yourself to your young employees by giving them intrapraneurship opportunities – these are startup situations within a larger company that give participants training for when they want to start their own company. You can also help a young person to engage in work by explaining why a given skill will be essential to their future as an entrepreneur. In one of the great ironies of the new generation, if you teach someone skills to run their own company, they are more likely to stay longer at your company.

I'm curious to hear from readers. In a workplace where people switch jobs all the time, what are other things that make you stay in a job?

Comment on: Trying to keep young employees from quitting? It's not about money.

Want to deal with a bad boss? First, stop complaining. Unless your boss breaks the law, you don't have a bad boss, you have a boss you are managing poorly. Pick on your boss all you want, but if you were taking responsibility for your career, you wouldn't let your boss's problems bring you down.

Everyone has something to offer. Find that in your boss and focus on learning everything you can. Or leave. The good news is that in most cases, you don't have to leave. You just need to manage your relationship with your boss with more empathy, more distance, and more strategy.

My favorite example of a managing a bad boss is one I had at a software company who refused to learn how to use a computer. I conducted most communication with him via phone, and I often played the role of secretary even though I was a vice president. He once said to me, "You're such a fast typist!" And I thought, "You're such a complete idiot!"

But in truth, he was not. He was a top negotiator of government contracts. I stepped back and recognized that he was overwhelmed with the prospect of changing the way he had been working for twenty years, and I was in a position to help him. I found that the more dependent he was on me for email, the more I was able to insert myself into high-level deals that he would not otherwise have let me in on. I helped him avoid having to change, and he taught me how to be a dealmaker.

It's always important to weigh the benefits. A good boss would have learned to type and never would have thought of delegating his typing to a vice president. But I didn't have a good boss. I had a typical boss – one with poor execution of good intentions. He had knowledge and skills to offer me as long as I could manage our relationship productively. I never expected him to manage the relationship for us, because I wanted to make sure I was getting what I needed out of it.

I could have spent my time complaining. There was a lot to complain about. Instead I always approached him with empathy and knew when to put my two cents in and when to shut up.

Aside from cutting a deal, he didn't have a lot of management skills, and this gap left more room for me to shine. My solid interpersonal skills helped fill in what he was missing and helped me to get what I wanted: A (reluctant and difficult but ultimately) very useful mentor.

So take another look at the boss you call bad. Think about what motivates him: What is he scared about that you can make easier? What is he lacking that you can compensate for? What does he wish you would do that you don't? Once you start managing this relationship more skillfully, you will be able to get more from your boss in terms of coaching and support: You'll be able to tip the scales from the bad boss side to the learning opportunity side.

In fact, you should always hope for a little incompetence on your boss's part. The hole in his list of talents provides a place for you to shine. The point, after all, and no one shines when they're complaining.

Comment on: Book excerpt: How to turn a bad boss into a good one

Here is tip #37 from the book: A Long List of Ways to Dodge Long Hours

It's hard to leave the office at a reasonable time of day when your workplace culture centers on long hours. But the cost of not leaving work is high: a half-built life and career burnout. Of course, if you never work long hours, you will never appear committed enough to get to the top ranks. So your job is to work enough hours to look committed but not so many hours that you risk your personal life and your ability to succeed over the long haul.

People cannot work full-speed until they die. Pace yourself so you don't burn out before you reach your potential. But don't blame your long hours on your boss, your CEO, or your underlings. Someone who does not make a conscious, organized effort to take responsibility for the number of hours they work can be thrown off course by anyone. But the person who systematically follows the steps below will not be thrown off course, even by a workaholic boss in a workaholic industry:

Concentrate on quality of work over quantity. The person who builds a career on doing the most work commits to living on a treadmill. The work will never be done, and you will become known among your co-workers as someone who never turns down an assignment. Read: dumping ground. Quality is what matters. People don't lose a job for not working unpaid overtime, they lose a job for not performing well at the most important times; and a resume is not a list of hours worked, it is a list of big accomplishments.

Know the goals of your job. You need to know the equivalent of a home run in your job. Get a list of goals from your boss, and understand how they fit into the big picture. Judge if your work is high quality by what people need from you and how they measure success. Be sure to get goals that are quality oriented and not hours oriented. Suggest replacing, "Devote eight hours a week to cold-calling" to "Find six qualified leads in three months."

Find the back door. Figure out what criteria people use for promotion. It is never only how many hours you work. In many professions you need to work a lot of hours, but there is always a way to be impressive enough to cut back on hours. In the realm of superstars, achievement is based on quality over quantity. Figure out how to turn out extremely impressive work so that you can get away with fewer hours. For example, if you're a lawyer, you could pick up one, very important client for the firm, and then cut back a little on your hours.

Refuse bad assignments. Figure out what matters, and spend your time on that. Once you have clear short-term and long-term goals, it's easy to spot the person you don't need to impress, the project that will never hit your resume, or the hours worked that no one will notice.

Say no. Constantly. The best way to say no is to tell people what is most important on your plate so they see that, for you, they are a low priority. Prioritizing is a way to help your company, your boss, and yourself. No one can fault your for that.

Go public. Tell people about your schedule ahead of time. For example, "I have Portuguese lessons on Thursdays at 7 p.m. The class is important to me." When you plan a vacation, announce it early and talk about it a lot. The more people know about how much you have been preparing and anticipating your trip the less likely people will be to ask you to cancel it.

Find a silent mentor. Look for someone who is respected but does not work insane hours. This will take careful hunting because this person is not likely to be obvious about it. Watch him from afar and figure out how he operates. Few people will want to mentor you in the art of dodging work — it's bad for one's image. But you could enlist the person to help you in other areas and hope he decides to help you in the workload area as well.

Know your boss's goals. Your best tool for saying no to a project is reminding your boss what her goals are. If she cannot keep track of her own goals, help her. Because if you worm your way out of work that doesn't matter to her, so that you can do work that does matter to her, she is more likely to back you up. Also your boss will protect you from assignments from other people if you show her how the other peoples' work affects your boss's goals.

Take control of what you can. Even small efforts at control add up to a lot, and best of all, they usually go unnoticed by others. For example, refuse to make meetings on Monday and you are less likely to have to prepare for meetings on the weekend. Refuse meetings after 4:30 p.m. and you are less likely to miss dinner at home. Ignore your phone while you write your weekly report and you're less likely to stay late to finish it. You don't need to tell people: "My policy is no meetings at x time." Just say you're already booked and suggest another time. You can't do this every meeting, but you can do it enough to make a difference in your life.

Know your own boundaries. "Wanting to work fewer hours" is too vague a goal because you won't know which hours to protect. Try getting home by 7 p.m., not working weekends, or leaving for two hours in the middle of the day to lift weights. These are concrete goals for cutting back hours.

Create something important outside of work. If you don't create a life outside of work that is joyful and engaging then you won't feel a huge need to leave work. And if you don't project a passion for life outside of work then no one will think twice about asking you to live at work. So get some passion in your personal life. If you can't think of anything, start trying stuff: Snowboarding, pottery, speed dating. The only way to discover new aspects of yourself is to give them new opportunities to come out.

Be brave. Brave people can say no when someone is pushing hard, and brave people can go home when other people are working late. The bravery comes from trusting yourself to find the most important work and to do it better than anyone else. But sometimes, the bravest thing to do is leave. Some industries, for example coding video games, or being a low-level analyst at an investment bank, are so entrenched in the idea that workers have no lives that you will find yourself battling constantly to get respect for your personal life. In some cases, you are better off changing industries, or at least changing companies.

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