Comments on: This week's series: How to deal with Asperger Syndrome at work http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2009/09/29/this-weeks-series-how-to-deal-with-asperger-syndrome-at-work/ Advice at the intersection of work and life Thu, 09 Feb 2012 16:29:23 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v= By: fsilber http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2009/09/29/this-weeks-series-how-to-deal-with-asperger-syndrome-at-work/comment-page-1/#comment-270265 fsilber Fri, 27 Jan 2012 20:34:54 +0000 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/?p=3978#comment-270265 Maybe you could step back and (non-judgmentally) tell him, "You're standing too close." Maybe you could step back and (non-judgmentally) tell him, "You're standing too close."

]]> By: Newby http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2009/09/29/this-weeks-series-how-to-deal-with-asperger-syndrome-at-work/comment-page-1/#comment-270264 Newby Fri, 27 Jan 2012 20:26:19 +0000 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/?p=3978#comment-270264 Thank you for your response. I would not have considered telling him that he does not need to report to someone. It really is not my "place" to tell him that but if you think it will work, I'll give it a try. The thing that bothers me the most is the invasion of personal space. He stands almost on top of me -- so close that if he gestures, he brushes against me. My natural inclination is to physically push him away but I'm afraid this could cause problems for me with regards to management. Perhaps I'll just continue to avoid him but now I know that will have no effect on him. Thank you for your response. I would not have considered telling him that he does not need to report to someone. It really is not my "place" to tell him that but if you think it will work, I'll give it a try.

The thing that bothers me the most is the invasion of personal space. He stands almost on top of me — so close that if he gestures, he brushes against me. My natural inclination is to physically push him away but I'm afraid this could cause problems for me with regards to management.

Perhaps I'll just continue to avoid him but now I know that will have no effect on him.

]]> By: fsilber http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2009/09/29/this-weeks-series-how-to-deal-with-asperger-syndrome-at-work/comment-page-1/#comment-270261 fsilber Fri, 27 Jan 2012 20:06:17 +0000 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/?p=3978#comment-270261 Don't no why, but my reply got attached to the previous message. Don't no why, but my reply got attached to the previous message.

]]> By: fsilber http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2009/09/29/this-weeks-series-how-to-deal-with-asperger-syndrome-at-work/comment-page-1/#comment-270260 fsilber Fri, 27 Jan 2012 20:05:10 +0000 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/?p=3978#comment-270260 The only way to get him to change is to be explicit about what he is doing, and exactly what he should do instead. And please try not to show resentment that he should not have to be told this. True, he should not have Asperger's syndrome but he does, and therefore he does need to be explicitly told what is expected. Try to be thorough. Perhaps someone told him in the context of leaving the office during the middle of the day for an unusual errand that he should let someone know that he was going (so they wouldn't wonder where he was if he was needed). Tell him he doesn't need to do this at the end of the work day because in that case he is _expected_ to be leaving the office. The only way to get him to change is to be explicit about what he is doing, and exactly what he should do instead. And please try not to show resentment that he should not have to be told this. True, he should not have Asperger's syndrome but he does, and therefore he does need to be explicitly told what is expected.

Try to be thorough. Perhaps someone told him in the context of leaving the office during the middle of the day for an unusual errand that he should let someone know that he was going (so they wouldn't wonder where he was if he was needed). Tell him he doesn't need to do this at the end of the work day because in that case he is _expected_ to be leaving the office.

]]> By: Newby http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2009/09/29/this-weeks-series-how-to-deal-with-asperger-syndrome-at-work/comment-page-1/#comment-270259 Newby Fri, 27 Jan 2012 18:25:29 +0000 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/?p=3978#comment-270259 I have a co-worker who I believe has either Asperger's or some other form of autism. He tends to stand way to close to me when talking (invading personal space) and states the obvious in conversation. For example, if someone says that they had to stop to make a left turn, he will say, "That's because the stop sign is red." He also seems to think it is important to inform me (and only me) when he is leaving work every day to go home. I am not his supervisor and find his constant attention annoying. I am female and probably the closest in age to him other than our actual supervisor. He bobs his head and tries to make eye contact with everyone in the room during meetings when he (obviously) agrees with something someone has said. My question is, how do I deal with him? His lack of knowledge of social mores makes me uncomfortable. It seems that the only way to get him to back off is to get mean. I don't want to be mean to anyone, but he is obviously not getting the hints and after reading this blog, I do understand that issue a little bit better. But I still need to know how to draw a line in the sand with this guy and have him pay attention to it. I thought that perhaps people who have Asperger's could enlighten me as to how to handle this uncomfortable situation. I have a co-worker who I believe has either Asperger's or some other form of autism. He tends to stand way to close to me when talking (invading personal space) and states the obvious in conversation. For example, if someone says that they had to stop to make a left turn, he will say, "That's because the stop sign is red." He also seems to think it is important to inform me (and only me) when he is leaving work every day to go home. I am not his supervisor and find his constant attention annoying. I am female and probably the closest in age to him other than our actual supervisor. He bobs his head and tries to make eye contact with everyone in the room during meetings when he (obviously) agrees with something someone has said.

My question is, how do I deal with him? His lack of knowledge of social mores makes me uncomfortable. It seems that the only way to get him to back off is to get mean. I don't want to be mean to anyone, but he is obviously not getting the hints and after reading this blog, I do understand that issue a little bit better. But I still need to know how to draw a line in the sand with this guy and have him pay attention to it.

I thought that perhaps people who have Asperger's could enlighten me as to how to handle this uncomfortable situation.

]]> By: connor http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2009/09/29/this-weeks-series-how-to-deal-with-asperger-syndrome-at-work/comment-page-1/#comment-269422 connor Sun, 15 Jan 2012 23:43:27 +0000 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/?p=3978#comment-269422 I can understand how you feel I have it too I may be 11 but I like to know that other people have my conditoin so thanks I can understand how you feel I have it too I may be 11 but I like to know that other people have my conditoin so thanks

]]> By: Joshua Linson http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2009/09/29/this-weeks-series-how-to-deal-with-asperger-syndrome-at-work/comment-page-1/#comment-268977 Joshua Linson Mon, 09 Jan 2012 11:29:20 +0000 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/?p=3978#comment-268977 My childhood from beginning to graduation and to where I'm at now, everything has been one emotional rollercoaster ride. Everything just felt overwhelming and I could never escape the feeling. Recently I went to a therapist and I was diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome. It wasn't until yesterday that finally got what it was at a therapy session. And finally having gained TRUE perspective after having read this blog and all of it's posts that I finally got what I have. I had a rough childhood in and of itself ,that combined with the problems of AS equalled up to pure hell for me. It was like drowning in thw world around you. Everyone always felt so clippy to me. I swear the stuff was traumatizing now that I think about it. I had a bit of trouble keeping up in school too, makes sense now that I think about it. Was in Special Ed for a while. I still live with my adoptive father, going out on my own unconquerable and insurmountable force. This year has been screwy for me. I couldn't "get" the world around me and now it finally makes sense why. I've also got asthma and chronic insomnia. For me they felt like walls. Plus the part that I couldn't tell myself apart from the AS since I didn't know I had it, it was depressing. now it finally fells like I'm in the driver's seat of my own damn life. I've got a long ways to go still. Just wanting to say thanks to everyone here for helping me put this into perspective. Thank you! My childhood from beginning to graduation and to where I'm at now, everything has been one emotional rollercoaster ride. Everything just felt overwhelming and I could never escape the feeling. Recently I went to a therapist and I was diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome. It wasn't until yesterday that finally got what it was at a therapy session.
And finally having gained TRUE perspective after having read this blog and all of it's posts that I finally got what I have. I had a rough childhood in and of itself ,that combined with the problems of AS equalled up to pure hell for me. It was like drowning in thw world around you. Everyone always felt so clippy to me. I swear the stuff was traumatizing now that I think about it. I had a bit of trouble keeping up in school too, makes sense now that I think about it.
Was in Special Ed for a while. I still live with my adoptive father, going out on my own unconquerable and insurmountable force. This year has been screwy for me. I couldn't "get" the world around me and now it finally makes sense why. I've also got asthma and chronic insomnia. For me they felt like walls. Plus the part that I couldn't tell myself apart from the AS since I didn't know I had it, it was depressing. now it finally fells like I'm in the driver's seat of my own damn life. I've got a long ways to go still. Just wanting to say thanks to everyone here for helping me put this into perspective.

Thank you!

]]> By: Christmas with Asperger’s Syndrome « starving consultant http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2009/09/29/this-weeks-series-how-to-deal-with-asperger-syndrome-at-work/comment-page-1/#comment-268550 Christmas with Asperger’s Syndrome « starving consultant Thu, 05 Jan 2012 22:46:14 +0000 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/?p=3978#comment-268550 [...] were first aroused while reading Penelope Trunk’s blog. She writes about having AS, and about it looking different in women. Reading about Penelope Trunk’s Asperger’s Syndrome initially convinced me that I have it. I [...] [...] were first aroused while reading Penelope Trunk’s blog. She writes about having AS, and about it looking different in women. Reading about Penelope Trunk’s Asperger’s Syndrome initially convinced me that I have it. I [...]

]]> By: Kay http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2009/09/29/this-weeks-series-how-to-deal-with-asperger-syndrome-at-work/comment-page-1/#comment-265595 Kay Fri, 09 Dec 2011 15:09:42 +0000 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/?p=3978#comment-265595 Thanks for being here and providing this information. I work in a two-person office -- my boss (the executive director), and me (his assistant). During my interview, he told me, "Some people have said they think I'm condescending. I don't mean to be. I don't understand why they think that, but I thought I'd let you know." I brushed it off at the time. But here I am, five months later, still frustrated with what comes across as a condescending attitude. The way he responds to me when we talk feels so awkward, and I'm left feeling like he just thinks of me as an extra item in the room -- useful...but not worth relating to. Then I realized, maybe he has AS. I'd worked with a couple of boys with AS years ago in a classroom setting, and his behavior was similar to theirs. I thought...maybe he can't read my cues or respond with cues that I am used to. Maybe he has AS and doesn't know it. Here's an example: sometimes he'll make a statement and then turn to me and smile. But the smile doesn't feel like it's a natural response to anything; it feel like he smiles because he thinks he's supposed to smile some particular point in the conversation. He rarely expresses emotion and when he does (like with the smile) it feels like it's just a physical action rather than connected to an emotional or inter-relational response. Does this sound like an AS kind of behavior for an adult male? I'm taking a little different approach to my communications with him and it seems to be helping. At least I'm not taking things so personally anymore. Thanks for being here and providing this information. I work in a two-person office — my boss (the executive director), and me (his assistant). During my interview, he told me, "Some people have said they think I'm condescending. I don't mean to be. I don't understand why they think that, but I thought I'd let you know." I brushed it off at the time. But here I am, five months later, still frustrated with what comes across as a condescending attitude. The way he responds to me when we talk feels so awkward, and I'm left feeling like he just thinks of me as an extra item in the room — useful…but not worth relating to.

Then I realized, maybe he has AS. I'd worked with a couple of boys with AS years ago in a classroom setting, and his behavior was similar to theirs. I thought…maybe he can't read my cues or respond with cues that I am used to. Maybe he has AS and doesn't know it.

Here's an example: sometimes he'll make a statement and then turn to me and smile. But the smile doesn't feel like it's a natural response to anything; it feel like he smiles because he thinks he's supposed to smile some particular point in the conversation. He rarely expresses emotion and when he does (like with the smile) it feels like it's just a physical action rather than connected to an emotional or inter-relational response.

Does this sound like an AS kind of behavior for an adult male? I'm taking a little different approach to my communications with him and it seems to be helping. At least I'm not taking things so personally anymore.

]]> By: Autistics Aware http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2009/09/29/this-weeks-series-how-to-deal-with-asperger-syndrome-at-work/comment-page-1/#comment-264626 Autistics Aware Sat, 19 Nov 2011 14:27:00 +0000 http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/?p=3978#comment-264626 Coming from the voice of the Asperger's adults, all of us at "Autistics Aware" dream of being hired for a job that is specifically seeking an expert in a skill that is also our special interest. When an employer has a need for someone who can fix mistakes that computers make, and we have someone in our membership that loves to do that (even for free), this will  be a winning and successful relationship for both. Please do not hesitate to check our member profiles and special interest pages.  Coming from the voice of the Asperger's adults, all of us at "Autistics Aware" dream of being hired for a job that is specifically seeking an expert in a skill that is also our special interest. When an employer has a need for someone who can fix mistakes that computers make, and we have someone in our membership that loves to do that (even for free), this will  be a winning and successful relationship for both. Please do not hesitate to check our member profiles and special interest pages. 

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