Does it work to mix work and dating?

I met D at a party. I was there with Ryan Paugh and a few bloggers from the Brazen Careerist network, and because it was SXSW and it was all parties all the time, I was pretty partied out. But the party was for Kirtsy, and I love the women who run Kirtsy, so I went.

Also, Holly Hoffman wanted to meet Guy Kawasaki. And really, it’s not like I'm his best friend, but because I know him, I could say to Holly, “Oh, I’ll introduce you.” And I did that. And Holly was thank-you-thank-you, even though Guy is so nice that you can just walk up to him and introduce yourself and he’ll be nice. To everyone.

And I’m standing there with a bunch of 25 year olds, because I’m always hanging out with 25 year olds because that’s basically my job—I work with them and my business is for them. But I was not with THE 25 year old because the night before, I woke up to him peeing on the carpet in my hotel room.

When I asked what he was doing, he said, “Oh, sorry” and then he went back to bed. So I woke him up. And yelled at him.

He said he was drunk. He went back to sleep. I woke him up. I said, “I told you you had to go down on me and you didn’t. You asked a woman out after she wrote a whole blog post about oral sex and you don’t even do oral sex.

I'm pissed.”

He says, “I was too tired.”

“Too tired for ten times? We’ve had sex ten times.”

The night deteriorated and I told him to leave the next morning, by 8am.

He says, “Can you wake me at 7:30?”

And I say, “No, I’m not your mother.”

So at the party, that night, I was surrounded by 25 year olds, but not that 25 year old, and you can imagine that I was really happy when someone my own age came up to me.

But I really couldn’t tell why he was coming up to me. I have said before that I think I have Asperger Syndrome, and I think it’s full blown when it comes to dating. So I have to be direct. So when this guy who is clearly in my age bracket comes up to me and says, “Hi, I like your blog,” I ask, “Are you trying to date me?”

I know this is not normal. But I had been to a million parties and I had had a glass of wine, and I just wanted to sort people quickly.

He thought for a minute and then he said, “Yes.”

Great, right? He showed me that he can cope with my weirdness and still come out okay. So we hung out talked for a while, and then I realized my phone was dead. And the night was early and I needed to text people and so I wanted to go back to my hotel room to get my charger.

The guy said he’d walk there with me.

I tell Ryan Paugh because I think maybe I'm missing something.

Ryan says, “He thinks you’re having sex with him.”

“What?”

“Yeah. You can’t take a guy to your hotel room and not have sex.”

“Oh. Wait. But I told him I need my charger.”

“No.”

“Okay. Okay.”

So I tell the guy, “No.” Then I walk him over to his friends, who are at the same party, and I tell them our date is over: “I’m getting my charger and he can’t come with me because I don’t want to have sex with him.”

His friends laugh.

I think this is a good sign.

So the next night we have a date. It is very low pressure because he is from a state that is far away and does not have a direct flight from Madison. And he is not a gazillionaire, so he is not going to buy a house for us to share in Chicago when we meet at O'Hare. So: No future.

I tell him, “Be careful of that wet spot on the floor.” And then we have a one-night stand. At least I think it is going to be a one-night stand. But then in bed, I can tell that he's not thinking one-night stand because he does sweet things that guys never do to me, like stroke my hair. I do that with my kids.

And then things deteriorate quickly. Well, for three weeks, things are good. I like him and I call him. And I see him again. Then things get bad because he twitters about me. And I think, I do not want the world to know I'm dating him because maybe I don't want to be dating him.

And he tells me I'm out of my mind that I'm worried about who is twittering about me. He says something, which I will summarize as: Get a life.

So I am not with him. Because you can't be with someone who thinks you're out of your mind. And I'm not with the 25 year old, who, by the way, is also twittering about me, in an odd sort of way.

So I'm thinking the lesson here is that if work and sex are mixing then it's a sign the dating isn't working. But really, there must be a ton of people who think sex and work overlap because, look, my blog has 33,000 subscribers.

So maybe the lesson is I shouldn't date people I meet through my blog. But then I think, who have I met not through my blog in the last two years? And maybe the answer is no one.

Posted in Networking, No image, Promoting yourself
119 comments on “Does it work to mix work and dating?
  1. Alan Wilensky says:

    I’m a 50year old Jewish man that has been married and divorced (no kids), and I love hyper nuts intelligent gals like you. I would not have it any other way. But..

    While I think that your ‘strategy’ in blogging things like this personal information is a very honest and marketable channel developmental media thing, I am concerned that maybe there is something self-destructive in all this. I’m not telling you what you do.

    You are obviously way more successful than I am; I have ground out my career are a product strategist. I made good money, didn’t save jack with the two divorces and a failed startup, etc.

    I wish I could find one like you out here – we could be crazy with each other, and that nervous, trembling energy and creativity would be the boot in the ass I need to revive those 300K+ contracts that used to be my token of success in the early ’00s.

    Keep it up, baby, but hold some back for the good men who will really appreciate you and not use you for web20 fodder.

  2. Clare says:

    Why shouldn’t work and sex mix? Off the top of my head, I think there’s a UK statistic of 1 in 4 people having had a relationship at one time with someone they met at work. I don’t see why blogging as work would be any different from office work. And fall-out from relationships that go sour is bad wherever it is – whether a nasty atmosphere in the office, or weird twittering.

  3. Alan Wilensky says:

    If I ever have occasion to go to an emergency room, I always ask the doctor, “is there anyone having sex in the broom closet right NOW!, Hmmm?”

  4. Rahul says:

    I find your candor remarkable. While there is merit in speaking our minds – the way you do it – without tinting it with false views and opinions is new to me. Love the way you write.

  5. GenerationXpert says:

    P:

    I’m a huge fan of yours – even when I don’t agree with you. But when I read posts like this, I worry for you. And I know I don’t have a great perspective on dating after age 22 (I’m still married to my college sweetheart and I’m 38), but please take care. I feel a kinship with you, because I also am a sassy bitch with a sensitive heart (which I believe you are, too). And women like us aren’t always as tough as we may seem.

    • FutureEsq says:

      Must agree with GenerationXpert on the kinship, sassy bitch aspect and tender heart. There myself. We aren’t always as tough as we look. And yet, we never give up…do we?

  6. le says:

    well I think Alan is worth a look see …. bet he does not pee on the carpet – that’s a deal breaker for me …. laziness personified ….

    husband one and two were both found in work environments – where else does a working girl find them …. at school drop off .. I think not.

    be safe Ms P – le xoxox

  7. Cody Dream-Life-Coaching says:

    Does it work? I think it can, is it a good idea, probably not. You need your space from your partner to keep the relationship health. If you see them at work, then you see them at home, you probably have the same friends, just not the best idea. Absence really does make the heart grow fonder. I would avoid it if possible.

  8. Hope says:

    For what it’s worth, I read your blog for the work stuff. But I’m probably in the minority.

    • Penelope Trunk says:

      I actually think sex is a workplace issue. And if you want to have a real discussion about work and life in this day and age, you need to include sex.

      One out of four people dates someone from work. And, as a CEO, I can tell you that it’s way higher for CEOs, because we spend such an inordinate amount of time at work.

      So most people have had to navigate the intersection of sex and work, and I am pretty sure that most people don’t get a lot of guidence.

      When I was writing at Yahoo Finance they did a study that they could not figure out how to get published, so I’m happy to publish the data now, exclusively in my blog comments section, that the majority of people who cheat on their spouse do it when they are out of town. Which, for most people, means business trip.

      So writing about going to a work conference and hooking up with someone is a work issue. And how is anyone going to learn to navigate stuff like this if no one is writing about it?

      Maybe you don’t like how I wrote about it. Maybe you would not handle yourself the way I did. But at least I’m writing about stuff that no one writes about. At least we’re talking about something we don’t normally talk about; that seems fun and useful.

      A side note: A lot of my data about workplace dating comes from at book called Office Mate, by Helaine Olen. The book is about the realities of workplace hookups, and Barnes & Noble wouldn’t carry the book because it was too racy a topic. When we censor discussion about an issue that all single people face at work, nobody benefits.

      –Penelope

  9. W Church says:

    After reading this post, having read all of your posts, I think if I ever met you in real life, it would be too hard to look you in the eyes without giggling.

  10. Anonymous says:

    Penelope, please tell me (and I promise this is a real question and I am not trolling):

    I know the rollercoaster wild-ride that your life is taking makes you feel alive, but does it make you happy?

    What’s the point of it all?

  11. anonymous says:

    P.,

    We tell 25-year-olds to watch what they post on the internet because of what future employers might think.

    You might own a business, but you need VC. And TBH, a VC guy is no different than an employer to you — you want his money. And there’s no way in hell I’m taking a woman who blogs about her sex/dating life in her *professional* blog seriously.

  12. ioana says:

    Yes, I have to say, I also worry about you. It’s great that you can ask someone “are you trying to date me?”, imho. I’m of the same Asperger school of dating (my husband and I started up 14 years ago as a one night stand). The new guy (what’s his name) sounded on the level. But then you second-guessed yourself by getting in an argument about this twittering. Of all people, honestly, you have no right to say that :) you’re the worst for protecting people’s privacy. This new guy, also, sounds quite nice. He is right with the “get a life” comment.

    I think you lost your inner compass somewhere. This manifests itself in self-destructive behaviour. I personally don’t want this to happen. Please try to center yourself somehow. Like, a rigurous regime of 1.5 hrs yoga every day and 1 hr running, without fail, for three months. I don’t know. Something that will help you distance yourself from all the little voices.

    Twitter is evil, by the way. Do you need it? Isn’t blogging enough?

    • Aspie2 says:

      ‘Little voices’ sounds more like schizophrenia.
      Exercise is a great recommendation though; if u do it right, it’s an excellent substitute for sex, brain chemistry-wise. :-)

  13. Mark W. says:

    Just a quick thought as I’m typing on my best friend’s (best man for him … twice) keyboard here in PA. Give someone who wants to date you your blog URL and have them read it. Then give them a true/false, multiple choice, and essay test. Evaluate, screen, and use as part of the decision to go from there. That way no ‘snap’ decisions are made. As I said just a thought.

  14. ysl says:

    wow, unbelievable. do you know your own value system anymore or what you stand for (web 2.0 ethics/integrity)? I am noot referring to the sex talk, but after naming Matt, Glenda, and hated Dave…isn’t this statement below totally hypocritical? where are D’s twitter posts and the other guy’s twitter post hyperlinks in your blog? oh, that’s right,… you were honoring your own desire for privacy in these instances.

    ”Then things get bad because he twitters about me. And I think, I do not want the world to know I'm dating him because maybe I don't want to be dating him.”

  15. Lee says:

    I agree with anon. This post is raunchy and hardly the information I need to know if I’m interested in your business advice. Couple this with the Dellifiled post and I have to say that I’ve lost all respect for you.

    You are not grounded, and that can be a destructive and dangerous thing to your reputation and your over-all quality of life. Throwing out the number of subscribers you have in conjunction with revealing your sexual escapades raises a serious red flag regarding your self-esteem and self-confidence.

    If you are looking for attention, you got it, but I wonder if it’s really the kind of attention to be proud of.

    • Aspie2 says:

      When one is an Aspie, you live in a world where practically nobody understands why you say what you do or do what you do. Everybody has an opinion about you & what you say/do that is based entirely on NT ways which don’t fit yours at all.
      That, I believe, is why P feels the need to confirm that what she does is either interesting or useful to others, (by quoting numbers of readers) preferrably both.
      It has nothing whatsoever to do with narcissism.

  16. Eduardo Di Lascio says:

    The first time I’ve met Suzana we where working at the same advertising agency.
    She was cute, strange looking cute.
    And married.
    And pregnant.
    Then I went for another company, and 4 years passed by, till I changed job again.
    Guess who was there, not pregnant, not married anymore?
    Exactly.
    The problem was, I was living with a 17 years younger girl at the time.
    So after one year or so, I changed jobs again.
    And again.
    And my relashionship endend.
    And eventually we ended up working for the same company. For the 3rd time.
    I was 41 and single this time, she was 36 and after a couple of months we began dating.
    The dating turned into a proposal and we are about to live together, maybe by the end of this month, if the painting/carpenter/punbling guys feels like it.
    Anyway, the work part never got in the way of the relationship, but the subject was never a taboo as well.
    We can talk about it if we feel like, but the main thing is that we feel right with each other.
    And you know how I call it? Its not merit, its not wisdom, its not sense of timing.
    Its pure and simple luck.
    We where two people that fit together and by chance where at the same place and time.

    Penelope, your the best

    Eduardo
    From São Paulo, Brazil

  17. biting tongue says:

    “Get a Life” is mean.

    But a longer version where someone is calling you out on your flaws could be coming from a good friend who has your best interests at heart.

    Dating works best when you are friends, too.

    Of course, D also could have been dating you for the Internet notoreity, in which case, good riddance.

    Either way, I’m with the folks who are worried about you right now.

  18. Danny says:

    Okay, this just confused me. Do you want me to do you or not?

  19. Ian says:

    Not to make light of your break-up (or whatever), but I’m fairly amused by the fact that a) 25yo could have been better in bed simply by doing his homework and b) that homework involves reading his date’s blog. Personally, I think more women should blog about what makes them tick bedroom-wise – that just sounds like a win-win situation to me. It’d be like having an instruction manual.

    • Aspie2 says:

      Problem is: dudes seldom read instruction manuals. Case in point the ’25 yr. old.’
      Apart from the whole mention of him being a lead-in/ explanation of why she was happy for the interest of a man closer to her age (Aspies tend to be chronological & detailed in their explanations…which most people can’t see the reason for, so they make all kinds of crazy assumptions & judgements), what I gather from her sharing was not bragging, but disappointment. With the first because she made clear her desire & he ignored it (pissing on the floor, mentioned to highlight that shock), he also lied (“too tired”),which is unacceptable to an Aspie & why she mentioned the number of times as proof of the lie; with the second, because he proved to be other than what she reasoned he was, then he disrespected her right to privacy & linsinuated she was wrong for being upset about it.

  20. Amanda says:

    You know, I’ve also had a boyfriend pee drunkenly on the carpet. MY carpet. I kicked him out so fast… I didn’t even wait until the morning. That was the end of THAT relationship. It was a relationship that went about a year longer than it should have. And peeing on the carpet, as minute as it may seem in the grand scheme of things, was the straw that broke the camel’s back! Thankfully.

    I understand you’re trying to figure things out with this post, and that’s great! I love writing about difficult things to help make sense of it all. Getting it all into a succinct writing sample with an attempted central purpose can help so much. I should do it more often.

    Though I was wondering if I smelled a double-standard. You will tweet about your boyfriends, but have problems when they tweet about you? You need a boyfriend who doesn’t use Twitter! Problem solved!

    • Amy says:

      PEEING ON THE CARPET IS NOT EXCUSABLE! I don’t know what you ladies are talking about… ew…

  21. KateNonymous says:

    So, you can blog about people but they can’t say anything about you? It doesn’t work that way at all. Sorry.

  22. LPC says:

    Funny. In that shake head kind of way. I too was worried when I read this. I’m a 52 year old woman. I don’t have a cognitive reason for my worry. The post just set off maternal instinct – something not right here. You may have gotten yourself too deep into this all open all the time thing. I have nothing but good wishes for you.

  23. Anne says:

    Agree with those who say there is something self-destructive about this. Whether the sex is intertwined with work or not, posting private, intimate moments online will probably scare many a potential love interest away. Am also a little aspbergers and neurotic and so I sort of “get it”, but maybe it’s the publicity and not the working relationship that can make things exceptionally complicated.

    Liked the post from Eduardo, because there is something beautiful in the simplicity of how he describes it. I think that love really is just what he said- two people who happened to be in the same place at the same time and it turns out they fit really well together. It can happen anywhere, including work, where you spend so much time with the same people. I think it’s ok to mix love and work, but you have to be really careful-if it doesn’t work out the break up is a lot messier than if it was someone you never have to see again.

  24. Joselle says:

    If you know who you are in the world, it doesn’t matter who blogs about you. Or Twitters about you.

    You said that.

    I think you know what this all means. You need to give advice to yourself like you’re a friend or a reader, not like you’re you. That will clarify things.

    Why does it matter if they Twittered about you when you’re doing the same? I think it doesn’t matter if they Tweeted. It matters what they said. That has nothing to do with them and everything to do with how you feel about whatever they said.

    The 25 year old sounds like a 25 year old. I didn’t even date 25 year olds when I was 20. But I hope he was hot and fun while it lasted.

    Any guy who won’t go down on you needs to be kicked out of bed pronto, which I’m glad you did. That’s so damn lame. Come on! You are totally settling if this keeps coming up.

    D, I don’t know enough to say. But you can be with someone who is out of their mind. All the good people are. It’s just about having compassion.

    It’s okay if you only meet men because of your blog but I think you need to be okay with them being enamored with you rather than you wanting some of their starpower to rub off on you.

  25. Kerry says:

    I love your writing. I really do.

    And I get that work and sex often intersect, and that you like to write about that. That’s fine.

    But when you tell us how many times you had sex with the guy and whether or not he went down on you…well, that’s not the intersection of work and sex. That’s just attention-seeking drama. That’s for lesser writers.

    Plus, aren’t you limiting your dating pool a bit by narrowing it down to guys who are willing to have these sorts of details shared with your 33K subscribers?

  26. Mike says:

    I’m always surprised with the “this blog sucks, I’m taking my ball and going home” and “what the hell is she thinking” comments.

    P’s blog has always been a hyper-intimate introspective. She has a high profile, hectic life. She understands sex and relationships are a huge part of being happy. She understands being happy is a huge part of being successful. So those two get blended together in the very real, and often messy way it does for all of us.

    P isn’t crazy, she’s just honest. Since most of us don’t have the balls to be that honest, perhaps we can lose a bit of the judgment and hand-wringing?

    • Jim says:

      Mike,
      “High-profile” is in the eye of the beholder. P has always had an inflated sense of self-importance – it shows in almost every post she makes. What about her life qualifies for “high-profile” – the fact that she is a blogger? Big deal.

      • Mike says:

        She is the Founder of the largest social networking site for Gen Y professionals in the world. She is a regular columnist in many newspapers. She consults regularly with She has spoken at numerous events on cross-generational management, one which I personally attended resulted in a deluge of people trying to meet her, get books signed, etc. afterwords.

        Is she Ashton Kutcher? No. But in the web’s world of micro-celebrity, she’s entrenched in this vertical.

        Enough hate.

      • Jim says:

        Mike,
        ROFL – you are right about the “micro” part of the celebrity. I hope you were being tougue-in-cheek about this….

  27. Chicken says:

    “But really, there must be a ton of people who think sex and work overlap because, look, my blog has 33,000 subscribers.”

    Just because I read your blog regularly doesn’t mean that I’m completely likeminded with you. Honestly, I read your stuff because half of it (the career stuff) is intriguing and useful, and the other half I liken to passing a car wreck on the freeway — it’s tragic and awful sometimes, but I can’t help but look. (And your writing in and of itself is fun to read.) But this all makes for a successful and well-frequented blog.

    Here’s a thought — could you just be content with the ‘sex’ part, which you seem to be getting plenty of, instead of worrying about having a relationship? I mean, you have your kids, so you don’t have to worry about the whole “getting married, having kids” part, and you’re incredibly independent anyway, so why not just be happy ‘playing the field’? In that case, your work seems to pair you up with plenty of interesting men who are obviously interested in you. So could it be that work and sex mix, but not necessarily work and finding a long-term stable relationship?

  28. Jake says:

    By now even you must realize that blogging the intimate details of your relationships dooms them. Every time. And not because the guy is uptight, but because your gabbing proves a basic lack of respect for the relationship. Which is fine if you actually prefer a life of superficial flings with floor pee-ers.

  29. Norcross says:

    I don’t eat where I shit. Simple as that.

    While it’s easy for me to say that, given that I’m married and that I work in a traditional office, so any social interaction is done outside of those walls. Now, if I were self-employed, those lines get blurred.

  30. Been there - done that says:

    I was single for 10 years in between marriages and I am somewhat of an “expert” on this subject. These kinds of situations have nothing to do with dating and everything to do with power, control, self-esteem, boredom, frustration and anger. They also tend to escalate – from sex with a co-worker to a fling with a married man, to picking up a stranger, to having hot monkey sex with a stranger under the same roof with your sleeping children. Nope. It has absolutely nothing to do with “dating”. These types of impulsive and thrilling yet dangerous situations are all around us if you look for them, regardless of how much money you have, your looks, brains or how much you weigh. Random hookups and casual sex with people you know have absolutely zero chance of developing into a meaningful emotional relationship seem good at the time but are always regretted later. If you make the decision to love yourself first, the right person will show up in your life. Hold out for the right guy P. He’s out there. Let’s just pray he never reads your blog.

  31. Jacob Tweed says:

    But, you _are_ out of your mind.

  32. Anonymous says:

    1. I love Ryan Paugh! But I don’t think he was right in giving you that advice.

    "Yeah. You can’t take a guy to your hotel room and not have sex." WHAT?! No! Yes you can!

    If you tell a guy that you want to go back to your hotel room to get a charger, then he should get that. He might expect sex, but he can’t be counting on it. If he is and he voices that, then he is probably under the age of 25 and you should drop him right then and there. Not mature.

    So I think you could have gone back to your hotel room with that guy the first night, gotten your charger and gotten out of there without any problem.

    2. Maybe I’m selfish, but I want you to continue writing about this stuff, because someone has to! And it is so refreshing to read it. It would be sad if you stopped. Then I would just have to listen to my own thoughts in my head…

    3. So please continue, just as long as this is not destructive to your life.

    • Ann says:

      Age doesn’t mean anything when being asked to a room. 5 years ago, I was asked by a then 59-year-old to his room. Sex was the issue. 5 years later — still strong. And very mature — I am only 3 years younger.

  33. Maus says:

    P — I feel guilty that I am filled with such frissions of delight at reading the evidence of your spiral downwards. Is it an atavistic response to perceived hubris? Or maybe rooted in envy and self-loathing? While your writing displays technical mastery, your advice is more often than not execrable. I don’t know why I am as enthralled by your blog as I am appalled by it; but I keep coming back. Either you are a virtuoso of fictive psychodrama, or you’re giving us a true confession of your life. If the latter, then your recent behavior has become self-destructive, as many of the other commenters have noted. Rather than blame Asperger’s for your relationship issues, you might be better served asking your doctor is you’re bipolar. Full blown manic episodes are often accompanied by the sort of sexual acting out that you describe. Please take care of yourself.

  34. at my wit's end says:

    This is the last straw for me. If I want Carrie Bradshaw I will watch SATC.

  35. Leslie says:

    I don’t think you have asperger's syndrome since you are really good at communicating and you like parties. I think you have narcissistic personality disorder. A lot of extremely successful people in business and politics are narcissists. Our culture is one that rewards "its all about me" behavior so it could be considered an asset instead of a liability.

    • Aspie2 says:

      Blogging doesn’t prove one is good at communicating; it proves one is good at monologue, which Aspies excel at.
      Communicating involves turn-taking (ie: speak, listen, respond, listen & repeat.) Would you contend that all bloggers are narcissists? Are you even qualified to diagnose these conditions? I sincerely hope not.
      It is possible to enjoy parties, parades & the like as an Aspie; especially in limited doses & for a purpose such as business &/or pleasure, particularly if it follows some routine or known pattern & one is free to escape to a quiet place when needed. Remember AS is a spectrum, not all on it are having the same severity or presentation of all possible traits.

  36. Jackaroo says:

    The older people reading this feel pretty uncomfortable – PT, thanks for providing another lesson to this 25-year-old on how a Boomer might react to the Gen Y facts of life.

    (As some one dating his coworker) I readily admit that I, and most humans with a pulse, think about sex…everyday…a lot!

    I don’t think forward-thinking decision makers should set up flip-&-fuck cots in their corner offices, or plant “love-cocoon snuggies” under desks. But, sometimes reality requires you to pack your brief case with a change of clothes. Use your best judgment.

    Office life sucks every once in awhile. Why shut yourself off from instinctual thoughts? (Of course, any IT department worth its cookies can take measures to prevent porn possibilities). There’s real excitement in blurring productive working relationships with flirtatious ones. And an excited employee is a better employee, right?

    In my opinion the most important message to take from this, to the author whom I have strong respect for: now that your sex life is a little more public, I hope you’re strict to take precautions and have safe sex – one can only imagine the kind of scenarios and weirdos that your posts open you up to (it's happened already, right?). And I hope you'll balance a post like this by promoting safe sex (in some subtle way) to your younger readers and college audiences.

  37. Clare says:

    I don’t get all this analysing. If it was a man writing about his sexual adventures, would there be so much talk about being a narcissist or having a personality disorder, or being some sort of train wreck? Would people be so worried if a man was dating women younger than 25? Please tell me if I’m missing something here, but if you go out and buy a book (print run probably greater than 33,000) where the author talks frankly about sex, you don’t get that worked up about it. But if it’s a woman on a blog, all of a sudden she’s on the verge of a breakdown for sharing her personal life.

    • Lisa says:

      It doesn’t matter what sex she is. If a man OR a woman was writing about how many times their partner went down on them on their BUSINESS blog, it’s unprofessional. And honestly? Kind of gross.

    • Aspie2 says:

      Spot on!!
      Finally, someone noticed & cared enough to comment.
      THANK YOU!
      A woman is chastized for the same behavior commonly condoned in men, yet men indulge in said behavior (casual sex) with women. Condone it in both or condemn it in both. If ‘a double-minded man is unstable in all his ways,’ so is a double-minded society.
      I found the role-reversal amusing & the criticism & so-called concern appalling.
      Sex can be addicting for females just as for males, particularly if they have a prostate, as some do, & also for people recovering from divorce, assuming there was a sexlife in the marriage. If self-esteem is of any issue, it is no different for a woman than a man, excepting the influence of the approval or disapproval of others. Casual sex is a quick fix, little more than a drug fix for those who use it as such & no less dehumanizing, whatever one’s gender, imho. Whether people will acknowledge that is another matter.

  38. mark torres says:

    Its good to know your as crazy as every female Ive ever known. Thanks for the honesty.

  39. Emma (Heart) says:

    I actually don’t think this post has to do at all with work and dating. It has to do with one-night stands, and whether or not to be public about those one-night stands (or any relationship you have with anyone, really).

    Is it embarrassing for him to be tweeting about you, really, when now you’re blogging about it? And you’re so open about the rest of your personal life in this more-or-less “professional” network?

    I struggle every day with the personal/professional balance. We all do. This whole network talks about it. But, bottom line – I think your lessons are misleading. It’s not about mixing work and sex, and not about meeting people through your blog (you met him in real life, didn’t you? :))

    Thanks for sharing though – sincerely, a girl who thinks about dating wayyyy too much.

  40. Amanda says:

    I love your writing, but posts like this made me so glad I didn’t blog for a year after my divorce.

    There’s a name for what you’re going through: Crazy Time.

  41. Helen says:

    Don’t you have friends you can talk about this stuff with? When you write in such a HUGE forum about what is happening in your personal life (assuming it is all true), I think you like the attention it generates. I think you are a better writer than that.

  42. Carrie says:

    so someone told me to read your blog because it sometimes reminded them of me…. now I know why! Love it!

  43. have career and children says:

    You have children; they’re your first priority. This silliness about men and one-night stands and boys who pee on the carpet suggest to me that your custody could be at risk. Does your ex-husband read this blog? Does your judge who settled custody arrangements?

    I too think there’s narcissistic personality disorder occurring here, and it needs attention. My son has Aspergers; YOU DON’T.

  44. Denise Tourelle says:

    Take love (in whatever form) where you find it. Do what seems right to you. Dating can be a disaster whether it is related to work or not. Who ever said don’t mix dating and friends? Or dating and church? Disasters happened there too. There are no guarantees.

  45. cara says:

    I don’t think you’re narcissistic. I do see how lines get blurred between work and dating considering the world you live in. It is more like a display of curiosity about how people will react to your life.
    Thats all it is people, her life.

  46. Kandeezie says:

    “This blog is about career advice. And about me.” – Did people miss the “about me” part? Pen is putting her life out there for us to read about. It’s easy to get caught up in self-righteousness and forget about our own ups and downs.

    Tone down the shaming, people.

  47. Ari Herzog says:

    *blink*

    *cough* We haven’t met yet.

  48. Carol Saha says:

    I just want to say that I love reading your blogs, love your honesty. I wish you had time to blog more.

  49. Gerty says:

    I think I have almost read every single one of your posts by now.

    Long time reader, first time commenter….

    You are exactly right P when you say no one is writing about this stuff.

    That is why you must keep writing about whatever it is you feel you need to write about. Whether the readers agree with it or not, it presents us with something to think about.

    To those people that say Penelope should just write about business, simple answer – stop reading if it offends you so much.

  50. LPC says:

    I love reading Penelope’s stuff too. Always have. I don’t find it offensive. I see the value of being open about work/dating/ etc. For me this is just an emotional response on my part. For some reason this last post flicked a switch. The switch of, oh wait, she might be in some emotional trouble. That’s all. I dearly hope I am wrong, even though I don’t know the woman personally, since I would hate to lose the value of her voice.

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