I hate David Dellifield. The one from Ada, Ohio.
This past week was Spring Break and toward the end, somehow my ex and my nanny fell out of the picture, and I was doing a lot of taking care of the kids, which, I have said before, is not what I’m great at. I wish I were. I tried for four years to be a stay-at-home mom, only to discover that I am not meant to do that.
So, in a moment of innocent desperation, I wrote on Twitter: “No school today and the nanny’s on vacation. A whole day with the kids gets so boring: all intergalactic battles and no intellectual banter.”
I almost didn’t post that Twitter because it’s so banal.
But, in just seconds, because that’s how Twitter works, there was a firestorm of men telling me that I’m a bad mom. Really. Yes.
Here’s one from David Dellifield:
“@penelopetrunk sorry your kids are a burden, send them to OH, we’ll enjoy them for who they are”
I couldn’t believe it. It’s one thing to be a total asshole to me on, say, Yahoo Finance, where someone used to spend a good portion of each day making sure that the C word did not appear in the comments for either Suze Orman’s column or mine. (The best days were when the C word appeared in a way that linked us. Really, those were some creative commenters on Yahoo Finance.) The difference between Twitter and Yahoo is that Twitter is intimate, and real-time, and pointed directly at me, not at the editorial board of Yahoo.
Like many people who are total assholes online, David’s contact info was easy to find. I called him at work, because, big surprise, he is not a stay-at-home dad talking about how everyone should love parenting. He is a dad who is not home all day talking about how everyone should love being home all day with their kids.
There was no answer at his work. But I noted the number so I could ruin his life there if I ever felt like he needed to be taught a lesson.
Then I called David Dellifield’s house. I thought maybe his wife would answer and I could ask her if she knows that her husband is emailing other women to encourage them to send more kids to his wife to take care of. All day.
There was no answer. Maybe by then he had alerted his wife that he is being pursued by a psycho who maybe will kill her kids or maybe will kill him. Maybe they will never answer their phone again.
So I wrote to David — a “direct message” in Twitter terminology: “I’m surprised by what you wrote. Are you intentionally being mean to me in a public forum?”
He wrote back: “no, but it seemed you were complaining about your children on an open forum, kids have faults, lets love for who they are”
So here’s the problem: Parents need to be able to say that parenting is not fun. The day-in and day-out of parenting is very, very difficult. This is not even news. There is a reason for the reams of research showing that having kids does not make people happier.
Daniel Gilbert, psychologist at Harvard, writes in Time magazine that we trick ourselves into thinking kids make us happy.
Nattavudh Powdthavee, an economist at the University of York, published research in The Psychologist, that concludes, “Social scientists have found almost zero association between having children and happiness.”
Scott Stanley, a psychologist at University of Denver, reveals research that shows that marriages are much happier before the couple has children.
So first of all, anyone who says that parenting makes them happy is probably lying. Just statistically speaking. But also, we know the people who are well positioned to like parenting. There are sixteen personality types, and only a handful are perfectly tuned for staying home with kids.
People can have competing feelings. For example, I love my job but I hate getting up and going to work every day. Or, I love this blog but I often have to force myself to sit down and write a post.
Competing feelings happen to healthy people everywhere. St. Augustine called this dualism; mommy bloggers call it reality.
It’s a big deal that women are writing publicly, in real time, about how difficult it is to stay home with kids. Look, I get emails every day from women who left the workforce for kids and feel lost. Here’s the blog of a woman who wrote to me two days ago: The Reluctantly Frustrated Stay-at-Home Mom.
These women feel lost because you can love your kids and still be bored. Kids are not nonstop fun. Talking with young children is stultifying. Yes, they are funny. But in general, you have to pay attention to them every second, even though they are not really doing something every second.
And as soon as your mind wanders too far, something bad happens. For example, I took the kids on a hike yesterday, taking a coat for myself but not for them. Because I checked out. Because I wanted to think about things that are more interesting than coats. This is normal behavior. I mean, intellectuals need intellectual stimulation, and that’s not something kids give.
This does not mean I don’t love my kids. Only an asshole would suggest that because I don’t want to stay home with them all day, I must not love them.
And all you people who say you’d love to stay home all day with your kids if you could, you are completely full of shit.
I know because I was living at the poverty line in NYC while I stayed home with my kids. That’s how important it was to me to stay home. I wanted to be with them for every moment, be a great mom, all that. So I did it no matter what — no financial situation could have stopped me.
And if you really wanted to be home with your kids all day, you’d do it. David: That means you, too. But, newsflash: going to work is 10,000 times easier than staying with kids all day. Yes, I know, staying with kids is more important. I agree. So is saving children from starvation in Malawi. But we each do what we can. And the best of us are honest about it.
For all you guys who Twittered back to me that I’m a bad mom and that I should love being home with my kids, here’s a link for you: CEOs who are on Twitter. Because let me tell you something: None of these people needs to earn the money they are earning. They have enough money. They can stay home with their kids. But instead, they are at work.
David, can you publicly ask each of these guys if they want to send their kids to your wife in Ohio? Because each of these guys is choosing to go to work instead of stay home with their kids. Do you know why? BECAUSE THE CEOs THINK KIDS ARE BORING. This is not news. The top 10% of the tax bracket system does not need to leave their families to go to work every day. But they do. Why is that?
Here’s another idea, David. How about approaching all those guys with Blackberries at soccer games? Let me ask you something. Do those guys check their email when they’re getting a blow job? Of course not. Do you know why? Because it’s INTERESTING. They are checking their blackberries during soccer because soccer is boring. The kids can’t figure out where the goal is. The kids and their parents lose interest. They want snacks more than they want to learn soccer. They are cute, yes. But even cute gets boring.
Here’s another Twitter from David Dellifield: “been on twitter several months, still trying to figure out the conversation part of it”
@DavidDellifield Maybe you don’t understand the conversation because you have so little self-knowledge to add to the party.
I’m a 40-something childless woman. Followed links to this and realize I don’t wish to return, but your post is quite fascinating as an attempt to prove yourself absolutely right (e.g., anyone who argues they feel something different MUST be lying). I see right through it, sister. I’m not going to bother reading all these comments — I’m sure others have said it before now. But: If you don’t like being around kids that much, why in the hell did you have them in the first place? And you recently thought you might be pregnant again? You present yourself as an intelligent, self-sufficient modern woman — but these few facts blow that fabricated facade to bits. I have absolutely no sympathy for you and am ashamed to be in the same gender club. Blech.
Penelope,
I love reading your blog normally, but this article really entertained me. It’s almost as entertaining as a blow job…not quite that entertaining, but close. ;) lol
I have more maturity in my pinky finger than you seem to have in your entire being.
Grow up. This was ridiculous, over-the-top, and petty. So, so, so petty. I’ve never seen anyone blow something so insignificant up into something so unnecessarily large. You’re such a child.
Oddly, my father referred me to your site a couple of months ago. As a “Brazen Careerist” myself, I thought, “I don’t have time for this!” Then I came across this particular post through Marginal Revolution (blog)! You are my new hero.
Yours truly:
HECISF
A hustling executive chick in SF.
You sound like the coolest lady ever. My mom devoted her life to me every waking moment and of course it was stifling. I wished she had something else to do like have a job, a friend, a hobby, or spend time with my dad.
This whole interaction strikes me as very sad on a number of levels.
There are some problems blogging cannot solve – and it would seem the unresolved issues of motherhood are one of them. But hey, it’s good for traffic.
Penelope,
I followed your blog for awhile but stopped reading until a colleague pointed me to this post. I really want to like your blog–you’re a talented writer. But some of your writing is so deliberately provocative it makes me dislike and distrust you. If you’re going to write about the intimate details of yourself and your family online, you’re opening yourself up to insults and haters. You seem to think you should be able to say whatever you want but don’t extend that same privilege to others.
I am laughing my ass off thinking about you calling him on the phone. Makes me wonder (hope) that people will think twice about their endless, useless commentary (about things they obviously have no clue about) with the possibility someone may just call you up on the phone and call you out on it. Nothing stalkish about that – it’s only scary to people who think the web is anonymous. It's not different if David had met her on the street to insult her and PT punched him in the mouth. Sorry David, you were betting you could be the bully in this exchange and you were forcibly recalibrated for your trouble.
If PT would have punched him, she’d be in jail for assault & battery.
Kudos to you for your courageous honesty! Most parents are too weak to say negative things about their kids in public. Most parents are far too concerned about protecting children’s self-esteem at this vulnerable stage of life. But that’s just LYING! It would be far better for kids if we all just constantly remind them of the sleepless nights, soiled diapers, and all of the other sacrifices we made just for them. You are SO right. Next time I am at my children’s soccer game, and I catch myself on my blackberry, I’ll look up and call out, “BOOOORING!”. I’ll be sure to remind my kids that Gilberts says that I made a mistake to have them, as well.
I mean, that kid is your PROPERTY! How dare anyone criticize you for complaining about your kids to get some sympathy on Twitter?
And bless your heart for using your power to publicly humiliate this hater who disrespected you. Everyone knows that RESPECT is all that matters, and this fool DISRESPECTED you, sister! You go, girl!
Really, truly, you are my hero. Who else could write disparaging tweets about their kids, AND ruthlessly stalk a disrespectful fool and attempt to ruin him in public — in the SAME day?! AWESOME!
Where do you people live? I want to make sure never to move there. (And I just need a city name — I won’t be tracking you down and calling you at work.)
Comparing a tweet comment to a rape? I’ve been raped by a stranger who broke into my house and almost killed me. Trust me; being insulted by a tweet is not even remotely close. I can’t even believe you went there, Melissa. Talk about the opposite of intelligent, intellectual discourse. (It was 25 years ago; I’m over it, other than that I learned never to throw around the word ‘rape’ lightly. Or to use it to make a point.)
And, back to the main subject, if you aren’t intellectually excited by raising human beings, I don’t know what to tell you. Sure, they can be boring at times, but how they view the world is totally up to you. That’s a pretty major challenge in the exercise of intellect.
In my opinion. Please don’t feel the need to stalk me.
Wow, you’re a very bitter woman. Someone writes an inappropriate comment to you in less than 140 characters, and you slice back with a 7269 character barrage of vapid, hateful drivel. I totally understand where you’re coming from, and why his comment made you mad. I am in complete agreement with you that his comment was inappropriate coming from a stranger, yes. He jumped to a conclusion that wasn’t his to make. And you were completely fair to write him back a message about how felt in return. But do you really think you’re any better? In actuality, you’ve just proven through your subsequent actions that you are much more immature than this David fellow, and you are far too immature to be trying to raise healthy, stable children. If David is naive, you’re bitter. If David is ignorant, you’re vengeful. Is this the kind of life-lessons you want your kids learning from you? If someone makes you angry, fire back with all the fire and fury in your arsenal? How wonderfully American. Slander and libel? Stalk? Where is the line drawn where your kids will learn from your example? What ever happened with letting something go, and leaving David to his own vices? What does this posting do other than perpetuate the notion that you repay an eye for an eye on a rapidly accelerating scale. Sounds exactly like what the rest of the world thinks of Americans. I understand you may, at times, be starving for intellectual stimulation; but trust me, you won’t find it by writing how much you hate someone else on the internet. That’s not intellectual. That’s not scholarly. That’s elementary-school tactics, plain and simple. When I was in second grade, a kid wrote a note and passed it around to the whole class telling us how much he hated another kid. Sound familiar? Your kids would benefit from being able to pick up some good qualities from you, rather than you picking up all the bad qualities from their age group.
Have your opinion. I’m not going to try to suggest you can’t have your opinion. But just remember that your kids are watching your every move for guidance on how to speak and act. I used a junk email for this posting, because quite frankly I could do without a vengeful psycho mommy on my tail. Do you realize that’s the legacy you’re leaving for your children?
WOW WOW WOW
Total bitch and a bad Mother, no wonder you’re divorced.
Parenting is hard work. No doubt about it. In my observation, tt requires every bit of ingenuity, out-of the-box thinking and creativity that you bring to your paying job.
To be fair, I’m not a parent, but I’m a very close-by aunt to 2.5, 7 and 9 year olds.
My brother and his wife haven’t introduced their kids to TV and it has really cut down on the superhero boring stuff. The spongepant guy would send me screaming, as would most of the superhero stuff.
Here’s the thing: your kids can’t watch what you don’t show them (yes, I know they’ll hear it from classmates but you really can control what’s in your own house). My niece and nephews do see DVDs occasionally, mostly the better animated stuff, John Deere, construction, Charlie and Lola, and selected Disney fare. Their favorite vid is the Life of Birds, narrated by an Attenborough. They are allowed very brief time on the computer (my niece went through a webkins period) and my nephew spends time on Lego games — and designs his own toys, too).
Their nannies are given strict instructions; even approved video watching is restricted to one a day.
Since they aren’t allowed to watch TV, that means parents/nannies are responsible for the day’s entertainment. That takes a lot of work and a lot of ingenuity but certainly produces entertaining kids. They spend a lot of time outside, riding bikes, picking berries and climbing trees; do a lot of art projects and love to cook and bake (yes, even the boys). They have season passes to the zoo, the local children’s museum, the local science museum and an area garden; they know every city park. They talked their grandparents, who have 10 acres, into building a chicken coop and they and their cousins now raise 10 chickens and one rooster. Their rural Missouri aunt bought them an incubator for Christmas and they just hatched their first two chicks from eggs their chickens laid.
My nephew has fallen in love with parrots and while looking for birthday party location, his mom found a wildlife refuge for macaws within 5 miles of his house. Now his entire class are experts on macaws.
We gathered smooth basalt rocks at the beach and are turning them into 3-D sculptures. I’ve been researching methods to adhere the rocks that are safe for a 7-year-old to use. I’ve been everywhere from a stonefitter’s blog to a manufacturer of specialty adhesive used to build airplanes.
I don’t find any of this boring; what I knew about sculptures, macaws and chickens would fit on the head of a pin, so I’m finding plenty of intellectual stimulation. I look at the kids as a way to expand MY narrow world.
Don’t read this. There’s nothing nice or helpful in this comment. Like Ms. Trunk, I am also ranting.
Yeah. Divorced. Bitter. Impulsive. Attention seeking. Self-loathing, which you enjoy in a perverse way. Think of yourself as some poster lady for women liberation. No sense of personal boundary (better yet, considers posts with personal stuff as some kind of great “journalism”!).
Sleeping around with a lot of guys. Even soliciting them on your blog. Publicly posting about your sexual escapades. No clue about your own value system. (Let’s not forget the coachs / psychiatrists – obviously you just visit them when you need something “insightful” to write here.)
If your kid doesn’t end up an unhappy, depressed individual unsuccessful at both work and relationship in the furture, I’d definitely meet him to find out who saved him from you.
(Thanks for making me understand this – “There’s nothing more amazing in this world then the sanity of an insane person.”)
Penelope you is AWESOME.
Sheesh. The people on here are incredible.
Dave’s behavior was incredibly objectionable, and Penelope responded by putting it back on him. If you think it’s ok to tell every single acquaintance of the devoted mother of an autistic son that said mother is inadquate, then there is just something wrong with you. And only someone who thinks Dave’s behavior was ok would think Penelope was the one getting personal. He got personal and then retreated, she got personal back.
he didn’t let him shame or manipulate her. That really shouldn’t be so shocking.
Liz, I disagree with you. Should I call your JOB and your house to speak to your family about it?
Seriously, you have problems if you don’t see the issue with this.
I don’t see cyberstalking as “putting it back on him.” Nor is it an appropriate response. What she did can be considered illegal. David left a comment on an OPEN online forum. Penelope CYBERSTALKED David and doxed him. She then proceeded to call his place of work and his home in an attempt a)get him fired and b)ruin whatever relationship he might have because she was hoping a wife or girlfriend picked up when she called his home. She even posted(then deleted said post) his PERSONAL information on the internet without his permission. She overreacted to a stupid comment on the INTERNET. Penelope is trash because of her infantile actions against another human being.
The comment was silly.
The response however was diproportionate, mean-spirited, bullying and with all the subtlety of a public stoning. I’m a fairly new subscriber to this blog (4 months) so maybe I don’t get the zeitgeist here but I hope this is an aberration.
My husband sent me a link to this post – he thought I would be interested- I was. This post (and the comments) actually had me thinking about it several times throughout the day yesterday and today – and I think what got me the most was that I could identify, really identify. And it wasn't necessarily with what was written- but more about what I felt was the most apparent to me after reading. Now I’m not too familiar with you or your blog, Penelope – but it seemed to me that with the little bit I do know- I truly was surprised by your response to this man's comment to you. I mean, as you had said- you have gotten so many negative comments and judgments from people in the past- and I guess what got me was just realizing how much of a nerve this hit for you. That's what I identified most with. I mean, I feel like regardless of the way we mother, we are constantly judged. Yes, people judge people all the time, I know that- but I don't think anyone (unless you are a mother) truly realize how much WE are judged. And I think this hits a nerve, just as it did for you. I don't think it necessarily hurts so much because we are judged, but that we actually feel GUILTY (heart wrenchingly guilty) no matter WHAT we do! (Or maybe its just me). I work. And right now I work and I don't have that choice you speak of that everyone has, if they chose it (by rearranging things or whatnot). And I think that's important to point out. Not that it makes me “better”, because I don't have that choice and I “have” to work, but because I think that even that statement ("And if you really wanted to be home with your kids all day, you'd do it") passes judgment on mom's- and its not fair for us to do that to each other . I would have to say (without having done my research)- that more than 50% of working moms out there work to survive and provide, not at all for professional fulfillment. Not everyone CAN stay home with their kids. And also, like you said, not everyone WANTS to stay home with their kids. And thats okay. I don't think it is fair to judge- because I truly believe that all mothers, like me, are doing the best they can. I mean, I get jealous of moms with lots of kids who get to stay home all day with them and share in each new experience, be there each waking moment- But in the next breath I am jealous of the mom who is pursuing her career, balancing it all, gaining financial security – I am jealous of the mom who wears a size 4, of the mom who always has her hair and nails done perfect, and of the mom who can sport a baseball cap and sweats and brings her kids out to the park in the afternoon – Everywhere I look, I find mothers who are doing it "better" than I am- Mothers I wish I could be more like. And I think that's a dangerous thing (and I don't think its just me- and I think thats why it hits such a nerve for us). I mean, I don't think you need to justify yourself to that man, or anyone else for that matter- And I don't think that in the process of trying to justify ourselves to others, we should pass judgment on other mothers who are doing things differently. I mean, we are all trying. And whether or not we work or stay home, wear a size 4 or 14, enjoy our kids soccer games or not- what is most important is that we love them, and that they know it. And I think everything else is just us – feeling guilty.
Penelope, I have been a fan of yours going back to your magazine days. And although I understand your position and understand why Dave’s comments upset you, I think you went overboard on your personal response (i.e., calling him and his wife, whether or not they answered).
Here in social media land, you put your comments out there and you get responses — pro and con. It’s a huge, gigantic dialog about whatever you want to talk about. I don’t think Twitter is any more personal than a blog. If you wanted to keep that personal you’d protect your tweets so that only people you chose to have as followers could read them.
Anyway, when there’s dissent to your opinion, the best response is to restate your opinions and expand the dialog to others who may share (or not) your viewpoint. Supposedly, through this dialog we all arrive at “the truth” or, at least, the community’s general consensus.
Nobody should expect you to enjoy being a stay-at-home mom or call you out for sharing openly what many others are feeling too (but not sharing with a broad audience). Your tremendous appeal has been that you DO share edgy viewpoints that make people talk.
In my opinion, you can’t go ballistic on the people who actually respond (with their opinions) to your posts or your tweets or your comments on others’ blogs or your speeches at conventions or your book or whatever. It’s what you’re paid to do! You’re the conversation starter!! So don’t make people afraid to respond to your comments because that would mean there no longer would be a conversation. OH, and btw, I responded to that tweet too … except I think I made some smart aleck remark about the lack of “intellectual banter” you might find in Twitter. If everyone were to respond to comments in a similarly disproportionate way, there no longer would be intellectual banter, I think.
Dave did not “respond to comments.” He suggested that the newly single mother of an autistic boy is lazy and unloving, because she didn’t feel like going to the park that day. He told everyone she knows that his wife could do a better job. He publicly shamed her, deliberately misrepresented her, and then retreated behind a vague, “Don’t be so sensitive.”
He gets to do all that to her, but god forbid she call his house? He called her house and everyone in her address book with his comment. It was out of line, and she called to talk about it. That was definitely her right. It’s not like she ordered 25 pizzas delivered, or something. (Although that would have been funny too).
I am so tired of people talking past the original insult. It was a huge deal. There is no question. And the debate should not be about whether or not she responded appropriately to the monstrous insult. The debate should be about whether or not it is ok to pass judgment on a stranger’s mothering skills. I think it is not.
Apparently many on here don’t see a problem with it… But WHY? Because what happens to a woman doesn’t matter, unless it causes her to freak out, and then we can judge her for failing to handle it? How is any woman ever supposed to win under that kind of a set up? Either she’s taking shit without complaint, or she’s complaining and taking more shit. Awesome.
Wrong. He didn’t “call her house and everyone in her address book wth that comment”. She /invited/ comments by posting publicly. When he then publicly commented on her tweet, she ACTUALLY CALLED HiS HOUSE. NOT METAPHORiCALLY SPEAkNG, LiTERALLY. there’s a difference.
No…he went out of his way to assume he knew her entire situation…all her experience, all caveats and positives of her current situation, the current state of her life, the current state of her children…and he pissed on them in one single comment.
This is often the case on the internet…people forget that there is an actual person behind the monikers they insult.
In one swift motion he pushed aside Penelope as a poor mother without knowing ANYTHING about her, her situation, nor anything about her children. Had he known would he have commented? Probably not. Had he known Penelope would he have? Probably not. He commented without thinking, end of story.
He irked his responsibility as a human being interacting with another to have the common decency to know both sides of the story before commenting. That’s called ignorance. Ignorance is as Ignorance does.
He did all that in 10 words?
Maybe instead of hating him, we should be lauding his writing ability!
…oh and your whole “she’s persecuted because she’s a woman” comment….jesus. Are you NOT aware that she posted publically?
The comments are fascinating. (Lizzy B and Liz nailed it 17-4-2009.)
The people who thought Penelope went overboard are horrified that she took something offline. Actually, taking something offline, as Penelope pointed out in her comment, is the mature thing to do.
Imagine that Penelope had reached David and they’d had a productive conversation. *We’d never have heard about it.* If we did – if she mentioned off-handedly that she’d had a productive conversation with someone she had thought was a jerk – we would probably have been really impressed with her creativity and initiative. Not appalled at her stalkerish behaviour.
So actually, the part that’s so horrifying to people is not the offline part at all. It’s the fact that she named David Dellifield in her blog. And really, how horrifying is that really? He called her publicly on bad mothering; she called him publicly on his assholeness.
What she should have done was IGNORED IT. Didn’t your mothers ever teach you this rhyme?: “Sticks and stones will break my bones, BUT WORDS WILL NEVER HURT ME.”
Her response was NOT mature. It was childish and criminal.
Penelope,
Your points are excellent responses to David D’s ignorance, thoughtlessness and lack of empathy. Much like politics, child-rearing is NOT a black-or-white, you’re-with-us-or-against-us experience.
It’s loving and messy and challenging, and there isn’t always a pot of gold and a trophy case of awards at the end of the road.
However, I respectfully side with the people who believe you’ve used a sledgehammer to crack open a peanut in this case.
Pointing to David’s existence online – in ways where people can seek him out – seems eminently fair. (After all, he made his comment in a public forum and in doing so, has a reasonable expectation that people will respond to it.) Threatening to disclose his home telephone number, however, is not.
As a writer, one of the things I’ve respected and envied most in your work is something you’ve talked about – the economy of words and sentences in your writing. Nothing extraneous, just what needs to be said. I wish that focus was present in this piece.
What is it about the internet that makes people think they can judge, insult and abuse strangers without as much as a second thought? It is not OK people!
If you wouldn’t say it face-to-face, then don’t say it at all.
I thought that was a funny question (what is it about Internet…@CYMRo), as I feel the point about internet is exactly that you are not face-to-face with the other people, in most cases your identity is hidden as well. That is exactly the invitation for people to say things that they would never dare to say face-to-face. So, in that sense internet is a good reality check on what’s really going on in a community behind the nice facade.
What is it about the internet that makes people think they can judge, insult and abuse strangers without as much as a second thought?
I might ask you the same question, since you apparently have little trouble judging DD and others.
BAAAAAAAWWW Some random person insulted me on the internet! So I made like a crazy stalker! Stroke my ego, blog friends!
Congratulations, you have moved up in Internet ranks from bawwwwwwing blogger to full on estalker creeper. Well done.
Maybe you should re-title your blog “Dear Internet, It Is Hard Being Rich, Privileged, and White. :(” If what dear ol’ Dave said to you offends you so, I suggest you regulate yourself to a life lived locked indoors and devoid of other human beings. In short: life is tough, get a helmet.
You’re insane, and anyone who agrees that what you did in response to this guy innocently tweeting you something is insane too. Jesus Christ, no wonder there’s so sense of personal responsibility anymore. The people who are supposed to be teaching kids about it are spoiled brats themselves.
@juki schor Seriously, facade? Manners, and common courtesy aren’t facades!
And @JohnMcG where in my comment did I judge DD or even others? I didn’t!
I just pointed out that people are far too ready to do judge, insult etc when hiding behind the anonymity of the internet.
@CYMRo — probably where you said, “It is not OK people!”
That sounds like judgement to me, even more so than saying that children should be loved for who they are.
You are insane and need help. One, you have a nanny to help you unlike MOST parents who have to take care of their children without help all the time. Try it sometime.
Trying to ruin someones life for saying something slightly snarky just shows you are crazy. I hope he sues you for posting this and wins. You had no right to step into his life like this.
I hope this post helps you realize the much worse things that can be said to you on the internet. If you want to see lives destroyed, you are sick and I just hope karma is real. It all comes full circle.
Did David kick your dog? Run over your cat? Hurt your kids? No he made a comment on Twitter. So you lose it and decide to stalk him. Not only that you are so proud of how hardcore you are you blog it and tweet it up too. You hang your heart on to dry online and fly off the hook at every little thing. People make snarky comments online and you should know better. If you don’t then welcome to your first day on the internet.
Are you nuts? You read like a selfish wank who decided to stalk someone that disagreed with you. God help you if someone crazier decides to focus their attention on you and ruin your life.
Wow. You can’t handle a single negative comment from a complete stranger on the internet? He is perfectly entitled to his opinion, as you are to yours. But tracking him down, calling him, and putting his name, location, and number out on the internet just screams of junior high behavior. I’m glad you removed his number, but it is too little too late. Once something has been posted online, it can theoretically never been completely eradicated.
Twitter, and the things people “tweet,” are not serious business. You have opened this poor man, who did nothing wrong except commit the sin of disagreeing with you, to attack from other complete strangers. You could have talked to him on Twitter, or gotten his email and had a civil conversation with him. Instead, you launched an all-out war against him.
You make some valid points in this blog that I will certainly not object to. But I am stunned and appalled by your willingness to throw a complete stranger under the bus because his opinion is different than yours. He may be in the wrong, but two wrongs don’t make a right and yours is certainly the more grave offense.
I’m here to join the “Are you nuts?” comments.
I think you should take a breath deep, and think of any time you may have said something offensive to someone on the internet. And what would you have thought if they called your work, your home, and then make a post about it like this one.
Keeping the number in case YOU feel he needs to be taught a lesson???? I don’t even know what to say.
(P.s.- I’m sorry if my english sucks.)
Wow, you’re an awful person. Jesus Christ, take things too seriously, do you think?
Anyway, have fun explaining this post to the authorities when they come to pick you up for internet stalking.
Someone made a comment about you on Twitter. Clearly the appropriate response is to stalk him.
What the hell is your problem?!
Miss Penelope, you are out of line. What you did was disgusting and most likely illegal. I hope that David Dellifield sues you for harassment and cyber-stalking.
I cannot believe that you would stoop to something so low as to stalk someone just because they left a negative comment via Twitter to you.
I feel sorry for your kids. Especially your autistic one. They deserve someone that won’t be so damn selfish as to not put a coat on them when they go out of doors.
“Boring”? Sure, kids can be boring. But that doesn’t mean that you neglect them. And it sure as hell doesn’t mean that you stalk some random stranger on the ‘net. Period.
I hope your business clients see this so they can learn just how bastshit insane you really are.
You are disgusting person. I hope you don’t teach your children that this an appropriate way of dealing with a comment ON THE INTERNET.
I’m sure you’re eating this shit up and loving the attention. I bet you’re even going to take all these negative comments and turn the around to make it look like you can do no wrong.
NEWSFLASH: YOU CROSSED A LINE. You harassed a guy over what? A bloody Twitter comment. You’re pathetic.
How can she teach her children? She’s never around them! Let’s hope the nanny’s a great person.
aren’t you supposed to be a professional? with a big career and everything? you really didnt have anything better to do?
Someone needs to call up David and tell him to sue her and to also explore pressing criminal charges.
You forgot to take a jacket for your kids because it wasn’t intellectually stimulating for you? And remembering yours somehow is?
Kids are boring and not intellectually stimulating enough for you? Sure, kids can’t discuss foreign policies or read Tolstoy, but you’d be surprised how smart and observant they can be. What kids give out intellectually are oftentimes what you give them; maybe you should think about that the next time your nanny has her day off and you want to whine about how boring your kids are.
Excellent and entertaining post that has obviously driven the too literally minded nuts!
Happily my husband had a vasectomy and we have chosen to buck the system and never have kids! Guess what. You don’t have to have them!!
For those that choose to I think an honest blog such as this is helpful. If more people owned up to the difficulty in raising a new human we could have better parents, honest parents who knew their faults and did not think they were the best and their children were miracles (6 billion people on earth you know!)
If people knew they weren’t in it alone and their suffering from their kids was normal maybe they wouldn’t resort to beatings, emotional scarring, abadonment, etc. Instead they could have realistic expectations of how children would change them and learn to cope and not take out their frustration on their kids. Believe me, I have worked in social work and so much of that abuse is preventable.
Cheers to your over the top point making!
You are missing the point. She got ticked off over a comment posted on twitter that wasn’t even really that offensive. She over reacted by cyber-stalking the guy and getting his personal information. Then she proceeded to not only call the numbers she found, but post them on twitter. Not only that, I’m pretty sure she violated twitter TOS with her actions. This is no longer about her being a crappy parent who is whining because the nanny has a day off and she has to actually spend time with her kids. This is about her being a cyber-bully and you and others like you are acting as her personal army.
You got that right David, ChildFree you are as big of an asshole as penelope
Wow, it’s been a week and the comments continue. Obviously a sensitive topic.
I think whether PT’s a good parent, whether or not to have kids, even whether or not David’s comment was crude, all diverge from what’s important here: What’s happening with online behavior.
Adults have become just as bad as junior high girls (who by the way are the meanest people on earth – call me sexist if you wish, but as a mother of grown children, I know these things!) Anyway, we adults are bullying each other just as kids do. And we’re supposed to be mature and wise. We’re supposed to know better.
Let’s look at what’s happened in one week. David’s life has obviously been disrupted. His work life. His home life. His family life. If I were his wife I’d be so pissed, not because of the stupid comment he made, but because of the vulnerability he placed upon his family.
In one week, Penelope has been completely exposed. People have posted her email, her phone number, even her address. Nowadays, anyone can google that address and SEE her house! If I were Penelope or her ex, I’d be VERY nervous about that. I’d be worried about the safety of my children.
In one week, this topic has hit blogs everywhere. Opinions vary as much as the blogs themselves do. What affect will this have on PT’s business? Her partners? Her investors?
When kids cyber-bully each other, it basically affects just them. This is bad enough. But when adults cyber-bully each other, it has a huge ripple affect and hits many innocent bystanders, many of whom are children. This is really bad.
You think Gen Y is non-confrontational? Well, I’ll get off the fence. Sherrie is 100% correct up there; she’s just being too nice. I feel the same way–I wanted to like you because I found you through Guy Kawasaki, and because you made some valid points about my generation and their work ethic, but your blog makes it impossible to respect you. You’re the world’s oldest Mean Girl. I had been meaning to delete you from my RSS for a while (since the whole 25-year-old prostitute thing made me queasy), and I’ll do it now. Mean Girls only have power if other people pay attention to them.
1: Stalking is not a reasonable or mature response to a single snarky comment. Also, the wife would probably have just said, “Hey, David, remember that crazy lady you told me about, she’s crazier than you thought! She called today!” http://www.google.com/search?q=%22proportionate+response%22
2: Real intellectuals can remember more than one coat at a time.
3: No one expects you to love parenting at all times, they do expect you not to lament spending a single day with your children because you think your children aren’t as good as you.
4: Children are certainly intellectually stimulating if you bother to engage with them.
5: I feel bad for your children, my intellectual, working full-time, doctor mother spend lots of time with us teaching us new things and engaging with us. The problem here is you, not your children. You may have “diagnosed” a CEO with BPD but there are a lot of things I’d like to diagnose you with (narcissistic personality disorder sounds about right). Get over yourself.
I know this is a little old now, but WOW. So, if you’re walking down the street talking on the phone to someone, and some stranger makes a random snarky comment to what they’ve overheard, do you follow them home and knock on their door all day to tell them what a horrible, awful person they are? Because that is essentially, in this blog post, what you just did.
I am a stay at home mom to two kids with a husband who is gone for a week (or more) at a time so I have very little help. Is it hard? Yes. Do others judge me? More than I probably know. Do I love my kids? Absolutely. Do I want them to shut up sometimes? Definitely. But I do not resent them in the slightest. Or the choice for me to stay home.
I think you have some good points but the overall feeling of your post seems like you resent your children and the fact that you are a mother.
Having been attacked via my own blog and other social networks, I think you may have slightly overreacted to a stupid comment by a dork.
Good for you! It’s about time people on the Internet learn that there can be consequences when you personally attack a stranger online. Maybe he and other judgmental people will think more carefully about the comments they make in the future.
I disagree with this comment. I’m calling your house now.
“Stalking” generally requires more than a couple phone calls made the same day the guy’s comment was published.
If you deliberately publish something incredibly hurtful, I think it is not out of line for the subject of your comment to contact you and request clarification. The day Penelope drives six states to ask her question is the day I get upset about “stalking.” And for the love of god, she considered publishing his number, but she didn’t do it.
Half of the comments by “Sophie,” and “Jane,” and “Kristen,” sound like the same person anyway, and were all made in a typical troll voice anyway (so why should anyone listen?)
Actually – if you READ P’s comment she says she DID publish it, but she deleted it.
This post was absolutely disgusting. If you had any sense of decency you’d DELETE altogether. I hope, for your sake, that David doesn’t rely on his personal brand in business because if he does you’ll be lucky if you don’t end up with a lawsuit on your hands.
You posted your opinion. He posted his. THIS was taking it way to far.
I completely agree with everyone who thinks you’re PSYCHOTIC. He didn’t call you the C-word…but maybe he should have.