Comments on: Solve most of your problems by solving just one

By: MDTaz

MDTaz — Fri, 27 Feb 2009 14:04:01 +0000

Thanks as always for a provocative post.

As much as we try to contain those yelling-at-the-kids outbursts, it's impossible to control them all. Some days there's too much pressure. It's real life stuff, and I believe our kids can handle it, if we handle it. It's not always the fall, but the recovery that counts, when we can teach them a bit about their own feelings, and how to express them rather than suppress them. I'm not saying yell all you want, I'm just saying when it happens, we can process it with the kids afterward. They'll learn from that, too.
http://maternal-dementia.com/2009/02/24/youre-supposed-to-feel/

By: Tracey

Tracey — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 20:55:50 +0000

I have to second the recommendation for 1-2-3 Magic. I used to have the problem of yelling at the kids. The problem was that yelling at them made me MORE upset and angry and that led to even more yelling. I started feeling they were "making" me angry.

So with the 1-2-3 thing, when you reach 3, it's just them in their cool-off period and you don't get to yell or scold. They know what they did to get there, and you don't have to rile yourself up explaining what they already know, making yourself angrier in the process. If they really don't know, they can ask you later. That only happened once or twice if I remember.

Anyway, I used it for years and it really did break down that habit. It's a quick read – give it a shot.

By: Laurie | Your Ill-fitting Overcoat

Laurie | Your Ill-fitting Overcoat — Wed, 18 Feb 2009 18:39:56 +0000

To make sure this problem should be next, I asked Ryan Healy, "Do you notice that I go on and on talking way after someone has lost interest?" He looked at me, to make sure I was really asking, and then he said, "Yeah."

Wow. I know a LOT of people with this problem (I might be one of them). Kudos to you for actually acknowledging it. It's a quirk that's caused me to reject people as roommates, romantic partners, and friends and yet it's something people really have trouble admitting about themselves.

By: Finding Time to Address One Problem Can Fix Many Others, Too! | The Time Finder with Paula Eder

Tue, 10 Feb 2009 11:09:48 +0000

[...] interesting post the other day on Penelope Trunk's Brazen Careerist blog. It's titled Solve most of your problems by solving just one, and in it she talks about getting herself unstuck (on a number of fronts) by working on one [...]

By: Andy

Andy — Fri, 06 Feb 2009 20:55:34 +0000

What a great blog you have here and congratulations on the milestone. This was a month of milestones for my blog, albiet on a smaller scale.

I happened upon your blog and ended up spending my entire lunch break reading about your story. Interesting, sad and most notably finishes with a positve attitude.

Andy.

By: Bettie

Bettie — Wed, 04 Feb 2009 04:31:51 +0000

What are you paying these 700 bloggers? $.10 a post? Why so many bloggers saying nothing much? You're the main event, as your blog traffic shows.

And you didn't "fix" your company, you just shifted stuff around–did you get any infusions of investment money? No, but you're probably telling the bloggers that you'll make it up to them.

Mommybloggers, like, oh I dunno, Heather Armstrong? blog about yelling at their kids all the time. Nothing new there.

But this is telling
Also, it was important to notice that I can control it, because I don't scream at the kids in front of lots of people.
Because you know it's wrong? Or because you're worried about what others will think of you? If that's the reason, it's not because you're worried about yelling at the kids, you're worried about getting caught yelling.

I like your writing, but I often think that you're playing at candor and honesty, and letting the reader catch you being naughty and difficult in an adorable way. The truth might be rather a lot darker than you're willing to admit, here or IRL.

And listening requires more than just keeping your mouth shut until it's your turn to talk. If you're rehearsing what you're going to say next, that's not listening.

By: Jenny

Jenny — Mon, 02 Feb 2009 22:32:26 +0000

Believe it or not, there are a lot of us who do talk about yelling at our kids, and the troubles and tribulations of trying to raise a family. There's an entire generation of us, I think they call us Mommybloggers, doing it out loud, and on the internet for the world to read, despite baring ourselves to the criticisms of our parenting skills, or lack thereof. But we are doing it for the community, and because we know someone else is out there reading and looking for a little help. Unlike my parent's generation, where you didn't talk about any of it and you sure as hell didn't talk about yelling at your kids or going to therapy, us Gen Xers and Gen Yers have already figured out that community is the key. And we saw it, and it was good.

By: EH

EH — Mon, 02 Feb 2009 20:10:41 +0000

I used to be quite a yeller, then trained myself to walk outside and scream in the garage. Now the need hardly arises anymore. I hated myself for yelling, too, so it feels so good to be free of it (until adolescence!). One day at a time.

By: jenx67

jenx67 — Sun, 01 Feb 2009 23:21:42 +0000

I have a 3 year old, and I know exactly what look you're talking about. It is heartbreaking. I hope I never have to see it again.

By: Alora

Alora — Sun, 01 Feb 2009 22:34:20 +0000

Congrats on the solution for the business. Diversification is usually a comforting risk mitigator, especially after the roller coaster you've been on. Good luck with that.

And listening is hard. I think that ENTJ's are probably some of the least naturally talented listeners of all, because we like to fix things, are often convinced that we are right, and we are not always as sensitive to other people's feelings as we probably should be.

A great technique that I try to focus on when I catch myself not listening the way I feel I should be, is to repeat the last word the person says in my head before I start talking. It forces me to pay attention and process through their comments before I launch into whatever life-changing, earth-shattering advice I'm going to give them.

It also has the added benefit of giving me one more second to reconsider what I'm going to say. There are times when this has stopped me from inserting my foot into my mouth.