MONDAY, JULY 30, 2007
BlogHer Part I: Penelope Trunk Rips Me a New One, Edited with P's Response!
*Edited to add that Penelope apologized in the comments. Thank you, Penelope. Maybe next year, we can hug it out.

It was my very first BlogHer session and I was all eager and attentive-like. I had my (free) notebook and my (free) pen ready to write down the many nuggets of wisdom I'd surely glean from the carefully chosen speakers assembled to discuss the topic of self branding and promotion. One of those speakers was Penelope Trunk. I had never heard of Penelope Trunk, but she's apparently some kind of Internet superstar and so, despite the fact that her name made me suspect that she was actually a former castmember from Krofft Superstars, I decided to give her a chance.

After the speakers introduced themselves, the rest of the session was opened to questions from the audience. Penelope, I'm guessing, had accidentally superglued her hand to the microphone, because she appeared to be unable to hand it to her fellow panelists. And boy! Was she helpful!

Much of the session went this way: audience member asks Penelope a question. Penelope shoots audience member down with barbed one-liner like, "You can't write about politics and knitting," delivered in a withering tone. Mkay. This would all have been slightly more tolerable if the information were accurate- but much of it seemed just plain wrong, like when a mommyblogger was told that she'd have to write about just one subject, like diapers, to be really successful. Think about the most "successful" mommybloggers for a minute. Most of them will write about just about anything if the mood strikes them. We read them for their voice, not their specific subject matter. Gah!

Much eye-rolling and whispering in the audience ensued. And then a woman named Jen Lemen asked a question. When I heard her say her name, I craned my head to see her. I had read glowing references to Jen on the Internet for years and was totally impressed by her eloquence.

Penelope wasn't. Penelope shot her down. I gasped.

"You don't shoot down Jen Lemen," I whispered to Busy Mom beside me. She shook her head and grimaced.

Of course, this wouldn't be Suburban Turmoil if I hadn't been possessed by some kind of malicious spirit that jerked my hand up in the air when the audience microphone was headed my way. In retrospect, it was incredibly stupid of me to ask a question in that kind of environment, but what can I say?

I stood up, introduced myself, and said that while much of the discussion had centered around increasing Internet traffic, I figured that some of us in the room were happy with our blog traffic and wanted to know the next step in taking our blog beyond the Internet, whether we wanted to score a book deal or write a sitcom based on our blog or whatever.

"You can't get a book deal from a blog," Penelope said to me with obvious disgust.

From the back of the room, the marvelous Susie Sunshine shouted "Jen Lancaster!" Good one, Susie!

Yes, we all know Penelope's answer was totally wrong, but the book deal wasn't even the point of my question. I tried to reword it for her, saying I was only using a book deal as an example. What I really wanted to know was how a blogger could take his or her success beyond the Internet. What was the logical next step? Penelope (who, incidentally, got a book deal from her blog) had no answer for me. Effectively, she only wanted to rip me a new one, just like everyone else. Damn, P-Nel. Bitter much?

I sat down, feeling defeated. Was I really the bumbling idiot that her response had suggested? I had learned one thing from the experience- It would be a cold day in hell before I asked a question in a session again.

The knife was really twisted when another woman raised her hand and informed Mrs. Trunk that she worked at HarperCollins, where plenty of bloggers had scored book deals. Rawk! And when the session ended, a woman behind me tapped me on the shoulder and said she had gotten a book deal from her website just last week. And literally dozens of people from that session (and plenty of others who had just heard about it) came to me afterward and ranted about Penelope's hostility. Others wrote about it from their perspective. As far as I know, this particular session was the most contentious one of the whole conference. Gee, I really know how to pick 'em, huh?

Luckily, things took a turn for the better the next morning, when I attended a session on how other bloggers have used their Internet writing to publish books. That session was so helpful that I ended up writing out a blueprint of what I want to do next (which, incidentally, is not necessarily a book deal at all). So no worries, BlogHer people. I totally got my money's worth.

Don't worry… The BlogHer stories all get much, much funnier after this one, so stay tuned.

I also missed this one as well, I'm pretty sure they will send a link of the recording out.